Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Our ninth official season of blaming Cole Walters for Sports Illustrated pushing out AI-generated articles.
Bro...
After week 11's concerning upset losses for both the 96ers and Live.Laugh.Olave, Cole and Nathaniel were happy to see that it was simply a hiccup of a week in their paths to greatness, one that should result in official playoff berths with a win or a loss from either Nick or Sparky in any of these last three regular season weeks. Much like the college football season, this has been a year of fairly chalky results with the rare Brett, Gabe or Alec win that would keep those individuals alive until this stretch run where every result could mean life or death for their 2023 WRBL seasons. On the flip side, Sparky finally lost after a month of knowing nothing but victory and Brett was the movable force that suddenly felt moved enough to drop 119.38, a hypothetical loss as the fifth-highest scoring team of the week turned win due to Dad Weights and Protein Shakes being slowed by all the Thanksgiving consumption. All in all, a wild week of WRBL Wumbology (the study of wumbo, it's first grade Spongebob!) that further cements the Steven Nett Division as the superior of the two divisions despite Cole's sudden obsession with Club Penguin and nobody knowing how to pronounce Hoefs (I'm going with "HWEEFS"). Week 12 was also a gigantic week for quarterbacks, who put up possibly the greatest combined scoring performances in WRBL history this week. Not only were all three Hero of the Week recipients their team's signal-callers (Josh Allen, Jalen Hurts and Dak Prescott) but, we also had two QBs line up as Benchwarmers of the week (C.J. Stroud and Jordan Love), a surprise showing from even more surprisingly available Matt Stafford plus twenty-point weeks for Patrick Mahomes and Trevor Lawrence.
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AP Photo/Ryan Sun
Not mentioned above, Justin Herbert (13.38 points for Alec) who has turned decidedly mediocre under Brandon Staley despite new OC Kellen Moore. |
It's always a welcome addition to a fantasy lineup when one's QB plays above-average ball which is why the week ahead appears to be sort of bleak? Once again the NFL stupidly has SIX teams on byes before the fantasy regular season ends with just two teams off in Week 14. Don't even get me started on how stupid scheduling has gotten under Roger Goodell and no amount of primetime flexing can erase how ugly these mid-week games consistently are in the front half of the season. No Lamar Jackson , Josh Allen, Justin Fields, Minnesota Vikings, Las Vegas Raiders or Saquon Barkley this week and it will be a fascinating test on the 96ers as Cole attempts to skate past 6-6 Dad Weights and Protein Shakes down a majority of his heavily Bills-stacked lineup. In the meantime, Live.Laugh.Olave. takes on opposing division leader Lord Pretty Flacco Joey the very same week that the GOAT, ELITE, QB1 Joe Flacco returns to NFL action as the starter for the Cleveland Browns a mere week after signing with them. Much like Flacco's former Raven teammate Bart Scott, I "Can't Wait!". Even with a fantasy loss, I'm sure I'll feel like a winner coming out of the weekend. Nick Zurawski faces the lowest-scoring WRBL team of the 2023 season in Gabe Stoltzya's Electric Orcas, who have lost both Joe Burrow and Kirk Cousins for the season only to now roll with the NFL's most sacked Quarterback by a mile, Sam Howell. Shout out to David Carr. It's safe to say that Stoltz is fueling his team on pure vibes at this point and he probably already has the red flag next to Flacco's name highlighted for his own personal watch list, nicknamed him "Victim #4" and he's got the next piece of tape ready to go for the never-ending Browns Quarterbacks jersey that I'm sure we've all seen and I don't need to rehash the actual visual representation of anymore. Shout out to Seneca Wallace. We also don't need to rehash the Alec vs. Brett matchup for the worst team in the Shooter McGavin Division but I guess they gotta face somebody? Alec should be favorited once he realizes RB Kyren Williams is back, real and spectacular. Shout out to Teri Hatcher.
Official WRBL Standings
Steven Nett Division
LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE. (Nathaniel Hoefs) 9-3 W1 (1,656.06)
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 9-3 W1 (1,574.76)
Dad Weights and Protein Shakes (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 6-6 L1 (1,377.2)
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 4-8 L2 (1,313.92)
Shooter McGavin Division
Lord Pretty Flacco Joey (Andy Todd) 7-5 L1 (1,442.62)
I Had COVID-19 (Nick Zurawski) 6-6 L1 (1,634.52)
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 4-8 W2 (1,549.4)
Jordan Addison's Dog (Brett Weinfurter) 3-9 W1 (1,366.52)
Week Twelve Final Scores
HOEFS defeats NICK 138.74-135.1
COLE defeats ANDY 165.86-132.46
BRETT defeats SPARKY 119.38-104.12
ALEC defeats GABE 136.28-102.2
Heroes of the Week: QB Josh Allen (Cole, 39.66), QB Jalen Hurts (Nick, 34.5), QB Dak Prescott (Hoefs, 32.24)
Waiver Wonders: WR Rashee Rice (24.7), QB Matthew Stafford (23.36), WR Gabe Davis (22.5)
Benchwarmers of the Week: RB Kyren Williams (Alec, 38.4), QB C.J. Stroud (Hoefs, 30.86), QB Jordan Love (Sparky, 26.62)
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Joe Camporeale - USA TODAY Sports
Benchwarmer of the Week: RB Kyren Williams ([Currently on IR] Tax Paying Homeowner) |
Upcoming Week 13 Schedule for both WRBL and NFL (in CST)
HOEFS v. ANDY
COLE v. SPARKY
GABE v. NICK
BRETT v. ALEC
Thursday @ 7:20 PM: Seattle @ Dallas
Sunday @ NOON: Detroit @ New Orleans
Miami @ Washington
Denver @ Houston
Arizona @ Pittsburgh
Atlanta @ NY Jets
LA Chargers @ New England
Indianapolis @ Tennessee
Sunday @ 3:05 PM: Carolina @ Tampa Bay
Sunday @ 3:25 PM: San Francisco @ Philadelphia
Cleveland @ LA Rams
Sunday @ 7:20 PM: Kansas City @ Green Bay
Monday @ 7:15 PM: Cincinnati @ Jacksonville
Bye Weeks: Buffalo Bills, Baltimore Ravens, Minnesota Vikings, Chicago Bears, Las Vegas Raiders and New York Giants
Scoring Leaders
QB
Josh Allen 286.76 (Cole)
Jalen Hurts 258.88 (Nick)
Justin Herbert 224.4 (Alec)
Lamar Jackson 222.12 (Brett)
Patrick Mahomes 209.22 (Sparky)
Trevor Lawrence 129.6 (Andy)
Kirk Cousins 104.72 (Gabe)
Justin Fields 95.08 (Hoefs)
Dak Prescott 74.96 (Hoefs)
Joe Burrow 69.5 (Gabe)
C.J. Stroud 61.44 (Alec/Hoefs)
Sam Howell 41.48 (Nick/Gabe)
Kyler Murray 21.66 (Andy)
Baker Mayfield 18.32 (Sparky)
Geno Smith 16.44 (Hoefs/Andy)
Brock Purdy 12.78 (Andy)
RB
Christian McCaffrey 272.8 (Alec)
Travis Etienne 191.8 (Cole)
Josh Jacobs 174.1 (Brett)
Bijan Robinson 158.3 (Andy)
Joe Mixon 148.3 (Nick)
Saquon Barkley 142.5 (Gabe)
Isiah Pacheco 143.1 (Gabe)
Tony Pollard 138.4 (Cole)
Alvin Kamara 137.8 (Hoefs)
Rachaad White 129.5 (Andy)
Jahmyr Gibbs 127.8 (Sparky)
Austin Ekeler 124.4 (Gabe)
Kenneth Walker 108.5 (Cole)
Rhamondre Stevenson 100.7 (Brett)
Breece Hall 100.4 (Andy)
Raheem Mostert 97.1 (Hoefs)
Jonathan Taylor 89.6 (Nick)
D'Andre Swift 81.7 (Alec)
Aaron Jones 76.4 (Sparky)
Derrick Henry 76.38 (Hoefs)
Alexander Mattison 68.3 (Nick)
Kyren Williams 65.7 (Alec)
D'Onta Foreman 63.1 (Brett)
James Cook 59.8 (Hoefs)
David Montgomery 58.1 (Brett)
James Conner 47.4 (Gabe)
Jaylen Warren 29.9 (Gabe)
Najee Harris 29.2 (Alec)
Javonte Williams 28.8 (Cole)
Zack Moss 27.7 (Sparky)
Jerome Ford 26.9 (Andy)
Miles Sanders 23.4 (Nick)
Nick Chubb 23.1 (Nick)
De'Von Achane 23 (Nick)
A.J. Dillon 21.7 (Sparky)
Devin Singletary 19.8 (Nick)
Gus Edwards 17.2 (Alec)
Chuba Hubbard 10.7 (Cole)
Zach Charbonnet 9.8 (Cole)
Dameon Pierce 6.7 (Hoefs)
Dalvin Cook 4.7 (Sparky)
WR
Tyreek Hill 270.3 (Hoefs)
Keenan Allen 255.26 (Nick)
CeeDee Lamb 232 (Sparky)
Stefon Diggs 227.9 (Cole)
A.J. Brown 220 (Hoefs)
Amon-Ra St. Brown 210.6 (Andy)
Mike Evans 186 (Andy)
DeVonta Smith 158.8 (Gabe)
Ja'Marr Chase 145.1 (Brett)
Jaylen Waddle 140.1 (Cole)
DeAndre Hopkins 139.4 (Sparky)
Michael Pittman Jr. 130 (Brett)
Davante Adams 126.3 (Alec)
Justin Jefferson 109.1 (Sparky)
Puka Nacua 107.1 (Nick)
Brandon Aiyuk 102.7 (Alec)
DK Metcalf 100.2 (Alec)
Chris Olave 96.9 (Hoefs)
Calvin Ridley 89.6 (Andy)
Deebo Samuel 81.2 (Brett)
Adam Thielen 78.4 (Hoefs)
Chris Godwin 75.3 (Gabe)
Cooper Kupp 74.3 (Nick)
Terry McLaurin 70.1 (Alec)
Zay Flowers 62.3 (Gabe)
Tyler Lockett 58.1 (Nick)
D.J. Moore 51.9 (Alec)
Garrett Wilson 49 (Brett)
Jaxon Smith-Njigba 34.4 (Sparky)
Amari Cooper 33.9 (Gabe)
Christian Kirk 33.4 (Cole)
K.J. Osborn 31.3 (Brett)
Marquise Brown 27.2 (Andy)
Tee Higgins 23.1 (Cole/Andy)
Jordan Addison 18.4 (Andy)
Christian Watson 16.7 (Sparky)
Nico Collins 6.9 (Cole)
Kadarius Toney 2.3 (Sparky)
TE
T.J. Hockenson 186.6 (Alec)
Travis Kelce 171.2 (Nick)
Mark Andrews 135.4 (Andy)
Sam LaPorta 115.1 (Cole)
Evan Engram 102.3 (Hoefs)
George Kittle 98.4 (Sparky)
Dallas Goedert 91 (Gabe)
David Njoku 76.7 (Brett)
Dalton Kincaid 69.1 (Sparky)
Darren Waller 50.1 (Brett)
Dalton Schultz 49.3 (Hoefs)
Cole Kmet 25.9 (Gabe)
Jake Ferguson 22.1 (Cole)
Trey McBride 21.1 (Nick)
Kyle Pitts 10.6 (Andy)
Tyler Higbee 7.9 (Nick)
Pat Freiermuth 7.3 (Cole)
Luke Musgrave 4.5 (Cole)
Zach Ertz 4.2 (Cole)
K
Jake Elliott 103 (Hoefs)
Justin Tucker 103 (Sparky)
Tyler Bass 95 (Cole)
Harrison Butker 84 (Alec)
Daniel Carlson 83 (Gabe)
Evan McPherson 74 (Nick/Alec)
Younghoe Koo 69 (Andy)
Jason Myers 61 (Nick)
Riley Patterson 57 (Brett)
Matt Gay 16 (Brett)
Jake Moody 11 (Andy)
Greg Zuerlein 11 (Brett)
Brandon Aubrey 7 (Hoefs)
Matt Ammendola 2 (Andy)
DF
Dallas Cowboys 128 (Nick)
Buffalo Bills 101 (Brett)
Pittsburgh Steelers 99 (Hoefs)
San Francisco 49ers 75 (Sparky)
Miami Dolphins 67 (Alec)
New York Jets 59 (Gabe)
Philadelphia Eagles 44 (Andy)
Denver Broncos 40 (Cole)
Las Vegas Raiders 40 (Gabe)
Baltimore Ravens 25 (Hoefs/Cole)
Cleveland Browns 24 (Cole/Andy)
Los Angeles Chargers 24 (Alec)
Minnesota Vikings 20 (Cole)
New England Patriots 20 (Cole/Sparky)
Jacksonville Jaguars 19 (Cole)
Washington Commanders 15 (Nick/Gabe)
Seattle Seahawks 16 (Andy)
Atlanta Falcons 14 (Nick)
New Orleans Saints 14 (Andy)
Chicago Bears 6 (Alec)
Detroit Lions 6 (Cole)
Kansas City Chiefs 2 (Andy)
Green Bay Packers 1 (Alec)
Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)
Live.Laugh.Olave. 9-3
I Had COVID-19 9-3
Colieveland 96ers 9-3
Tax Paying Homeowner 8-4
Lord Pretty Flacco Joey 4-8
Dad Weights And Protein Shakes 4-8
Jordan Addison's Dog 3-9
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 2-10
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