WRBL Week 3, 2022

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Our eighth official season of blaming Cole Walters for Adam Levine's texting etiquette.

Bro...

TRADE: Nick sent RB James Conner to Brett for RB Alexander Mattison and TE Darren Waller prior to week 3.

September is already nearing completion and the Autumnal conditions have burst through to our Midwestern lives without consent much like Kramer never knocking when entering Jerry's apartment on Seinfeld. Regretfully, I was unprepared for the sudden thirty-degree temperature drop and caught my first seasonal cold since well... the last changing of the seasons. It wasn't all bad as the extra night off gave me some time (drifting in and out of consciousness) to digest more college football than I'll probably get to watch at any other point this season barring any occupational changes. Watching most of the Kansas State-Oklahoma game was a true highlight of my weekend, even as I struggled to keep properly hydrated. Former Nebraska QB Adrian Martinez FINALLY getting to upset the #6-ranked Sooners and UCF transfer QB Dillon Gabriel was classic mid-aughts, Big 12, what the hell even is defense? shootout that I used to set up entire weekends prepping for. No matter which QB was playing for Texas Tech (Patrick Mahomes, Baker Mayfield, Alan Bowman or Davis Webb), I was always sucked in by the Red Raiders and their shared opposition to playing defense with inter-conference rivals. Though the Kansas Jayhawks are somehow 4-0 and the real talk of the state, the K-State Wildcats are now ranked at #25 and get to face those very Texas Tech Red Raiders at 11 AM CT on Saturday and I will take note of the score before I drift off to Slumberland in preparation for Sunday's non-stop fantasy action.

That's right, it's already time for the London games. If we were just regular football fans (who can even claim that in 2022 when sports and gambling are so blatantly hand-in-hand?), these 8:30 AM CT games would seem like blessings sent from above to get us out of going to church. Instead, I find not sleeping in or getting a chance to chill on a Sunday morning and instead getting thrown into the action and occasional stresses of fantasy football to be somewhat of an annoyance. Otis Redding would be so disappointed in me for not taking it easy like Sunday morning when it is LITERALLY Sunday morning. Alas, this week's game is somewhat interesting with the struggling Saints playing the indecisive Vikings potentially minus RB Dalvin Cook, whose shoulder gets better separation from his body than Giants WR Kenny Golladay gets from coverage. This Cook injury opens the door for Nick to take a nice return of TE Darren Waller and a piece for RB James Conner and turn it into a massive steal of a top-5 Tight End he can trust every week and the must-have RB Alexander Mattison (Cook's handcuff) for one RB that might not be worth as much as Mattison when the Viking RB2 gets the RB1 workload. I encourage trades of all shapes and sizes in the Bro League but, Brett might have just turned himself off from dealing with the veteran owners of this league, who seem to know what they're doing so far (don't look at me, look at Cole, Nick and Alec). 

Detroit Free Press
An afterthought in a trade made last week, Mattison might play a key role all season for Scott's Many Endeavors.

Week three has left the WRBL with one lone undefeated team and with his rival (Darrin) now a former WRBL owner, Cole Walters apparently stands unopposed at 3-0. This week's win was his closest thus far as 0-3 Nathaniel Hoefs was hungry for a win but, came up 14 points (and some change) short. It's okay though because Yeezy Taught Me is only a game and 20 points out of second in the Steven Nett Division. It is far too soon to make any assumptions on where these NFL teams and their fantasy counterparts are really going. Are the Jaguars any good? it certainly feels like they might be after taking out the 75% of healthy Chargers that were available for Sunday's game in a 38-10 beatdown that left everyone feeling as sore as QB Justin Herbert's rib-cage. Jacksonville's performance inspired me to say "Hey maybe this Handsome Squidward looking character might just be my QB of the future" as The Rule of Law swiped up 2021 #1 NFL pick Trevor Lawrence off waivers to replace the mirage of greatness that is Jimmy Garoppolo (your one-week services and 1-0 WRBL '22 record will not be forgotten, GOAT), one week after I picked up Jimmy G as a replacement for game-manager Tom Brady. I haven't had this level of indecision about quarterbacking since the 2011 PFL season (that's my other TD-only league) where our QBs included Bear Jay Cutler, Viking Brett Favre, bust Josh Freeman and Ryan Fitzmagic. I shutter at the thought of the darkness I have experienced through this fake sport. 

Brett may have had the lowest point total of any winning teams this week but we'll all take ugly wins over pretty losses. In Gabe's case, this was quite possibly the ugliest loss of this young season with QB Russell Wilson continuing to undercook despite all the ingredients being listed right in front of him. I like WR Tim Patrick (who is out for the season) but, it's not like he was Jerry Rice to this Denver offense and there's no reason for Nathaniel Hackett's offense to look so underwhelming. It wasn't just Wilson not giving WR Courtland Sutton the 12-point plays that Gabe desires so strongly either, as Stoltz had two of this week's three Benchwarmers of the Week in RB Devin Singletary plus TE David Njoku. If he got a do-over, the Electric Orcas would have gladly thrown weekly must-starts RB Jonathan Taylor (12.1) and WR Tyreek Hill (5.3) to the sidelines for those serial bench-riders. As for Nick's win and early season success? I present the following stat...

QB scoring leaders in fantasy football: 1. Lamar Jackson 2. Josh Allen 3. Jalen Hurts 4. Patrick Mahomes 5. Lamar Jackson, without his rushing numbers

Even with RB J.K. Dobbins finally healthy again, Jackson remains unstoppable. Somebody tell Baltimore to pay that man before the Jets, Texans, Colts, Lions, Bears, Commanders, Seahawks or Buccaneers somehow do in 2023. 

Official WRBL Standings

Steven Nett Division

Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 3-0 W3 (454.36)

Here Dad Weights (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 1-2 L1 (364.08)

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 1-2 L2 (355.42)

Yeezy Taught Me (Nathaniel Hoefs) 0-3 L3 (345.26)

Shooter McGavin Division

Kyler's Study Buddies (Brett Weinfurter) 2-1 W2 (388.58)

Scott's Many Endeavors (Nick Zurawski) 2-1 W1 (382.76)

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 2-1 L1 (364.38)

The Rule of Law (Andy Todd) 1-2 W1 (340.02)

Week Three Final Scores

COLE defeats HOEFS 123-108.96

ANDY defeats SPARKY 148.24-105.18

NICK defeats ALEC 137.12-100.2

BRETT defeats GABE 113.2-99.16

Heroes of the Week: QB Lamar Jackson (39.42), TE Mark Andrews (28.9), WR Marquise Brown (28)

Waiver Wonders: RB Khalil Herbert (30.9), WR Mack Hollins (29.96), QB Trevor Lawrence (25.18)

Benchwarmers of the Week: WR DeVonta Smith (30.9, Gabe), RB Devin Singletary (24.1, Gabe), TE David Njoku (23.9, Sparky)

USA TODAY Sports
Heroes of the Week: QB Lamar Jackson (Scott's Many Endeavors) & TE Mark Andrews (The Rule of Law)

Upcoming Week 4 Schedule: WRBL & NFL

Nick v. Cole

Alec v. Hoefs

Andy v. Brett

Sparky v. Gabe

THURSDAY @ 7:15 PM CT: Miami @ Cincinnati

SUNDAY @ 8:30 AM CT: Minnesota vs. New Orleans in LONDON

Noon: Buffalo @ Baltimore

Tennessee @ Indianapolis

Cleveland @ Atlanta

Jacksonville @ Philadelphia

NY Jets @ Pittsburgh

Washington @ Dallas

LA Chargers @ Houston

Seattle @ Detroit

Chicago @ NY Giants

3:05 PM CT: Arizona @ Carolina

3:25 PM CT: New England @ Green Bay

Denver @ Las Vegas

SNF @ 7:20 PM CT: Kansas City @ Tampa Bay

MNF @ 7:15 PM CT: LA Rams @ San Francisco

Scoring Leaders

QB

Lamar Jackson 102.26 (Nick)

Josh Allen 87.86 (Cole)

Patrick Mahomes 69.28 (Sparky)

Jalen Hurts 60.62 (Brett)

Kyler Murray 59.86 (Hoefs)

Joe Burrow 57.78 (Alec)

Russell Wilson 37.92 (Gabe)

Justin Herbert 23.26 (Brett)

Tom Brady 19.78 (Andy)

Jimmy Garoppolo 8.44 (Andy)

RB

Saquon Barkley 67.8 (Cole)

D'Andre Swift 50.8 (Hoefs)

Aaron Jones 48.3 (Brett)

Jonathan Taylor 46.9 (Gabe)

Christian McCaffrey 46 (Andy)

Antonio Gibson 43.1 (Gabe)

Austin Ekeler 42.9 (Sparky)

Derrick Henry 42 (Andy)

Javonte Williams 38.3 (Cole)

Leonard Fournette 37.1 (Nick)

Dalvin Cook 35 (Nick)

Joe Mixon 32.8 (Gabe)

Ezekiel Elliott 26.3 (Andy)

David Montgomery 24.7 (Alec)

Josh Jacobs 23.8 (Alec)

Najee Harris 23.7 (Nick)

James Robinson 20.6 (Hoefs)

Kareem Hunt 18.5 (Brett)

Nick Chubb 17.3 (Gabe)

Clyde Edwards-Helaire 15.8 (Sparky)

Alvin Kamara 14.9 (Sparky)

Breece Hall 10.1 (Brett)

James Conner 7.1 (Nick)

Melvin Gordon 6.3 (Cole)

Miles Sanders 5.4 (Cole)

Elijah Mitchell 4.1 (Hoefs)

Rashaad Penny 1.5 (Hoefs)

Kenyan Drake 0.8 (Sparky)

WR

Stefon Diggs 85.4 (Cole)

Cooper Kupp 80 (Hoefs)

Jaylen Waddle 72.4 (Cole)

Tyreek Hill 65.3 (Gabe)

A.J. Brown 56.9 (Nick)

Justin Jefferson 54.6 (Alec)

Davante Adams 53.5 (Brett)

Ja'Marr Chase 52.4 (Brett)

Courtland Sutton 48.6 (Gabe)

Christian Kirk 45 (Sparky)

CeeDee Lamb 42.7 (Hoefs)

Michael Pittman Jr. 42.3 (Sparky)

Terry McLaurin 42.2 (Alec)

Deebo Samuel 40.2 (Alec)

Marquise Brown 28 (Andy)

Mike Evans 27.2 (Andy)

Diontae Johnson 26.2 (Nick)

Tee Higgins 23.8 (Sparky)

D.J. Moore 23.8 (Hoefs)

Tyler Lockett 16.6 (Andy)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 15.9 (Andy)

Brandin Cooks 15.2 (Cole)

Drake London 14.4 (Brett)

Amon-Ra St. Brown 13.3 (Nick)

Mike Williams 11.5 (Sparky)

Keenan Allen 10.6 (Brett)

DK Metcalf 7.5 (Brett)

TE

Mark Andrews 64.8 (Andy)

Travis Kelce 54.1 (Alec)

Darren Waller 34.1 (Brett/Nick)

Dallas Goedert 33.8 (Sparky)

T.J. Hockenson 24.3 (Cole)

Kyle Pitts 21.5 (Gabe)

Dalton Schultz 15 (Nick)

Tyler Higbee 14.1 (Hoefs)

Zach Ertz 10.5 (Brett)

George Kittle 6.8 (Hoefs)

K

Daniel Carlson 32 (Nick)

Evan McPherson 29 (Brett)

Brandon McManus 26 (Alec)

Justin Tucker 25 (Sparky)

Tyler Bass 24 (Cole)

Matt Gay 22 (Hoefs)

Ryan Succop 18 (Andy)

Jake Elliott 11 (Gabe)

Harrison Butker 9 (Gabe)

Rodrigo Blankenship 8 (Andy)

DF

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 41 (Alec)

Buffalo Bills 39 (Sparky)

Baltimore Ravens 29 (Nick)

San Francisco 49ers 22 (Gabe)

Dallas Cowboys 21 (Brett)

Denver Broncos 21 (Cole)

Green Bay Packers 19 (Hoefs)

Los Angeles Rams 14 (Andy)

New Orleans Saints 6 (Cole)

Indianapolis Colts 5 (Andy)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)

Colieveland 96ers 3-0

Kyler's Study Buddies 3-0

Scott's Many Endeavors 1-2

Tax Paying Homeowner 1-2

Here Dad Weights 1-2

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 1-2

Yeezy Taught Me 1-2

The Rule of Law 1-2

WRBL Week 2, 2022

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Our eighth official season of blaming Cole Walters for Haribo Gummy Bears' after effects.

Bro...

Where have all the elite running backs gone? NFL football has always been headed in this direction of passing-friendly offenses. With the link between concussions and running plays seemingly making CTE more prevalent among running backs, this is kind of what the NFL has wanted for a while but even with all of that... Where are the elite pass-catching running backs? Week 1 saw Jonathan Taylor play like RB1 and Saquonathon Barkley Jr. III show us that he's still got "it" after multiple leg and hammy injuries. Week 2 was a step back to more pedestrian numbers from less exhaustive workloads. In Taylor's case, the game script fully got away from the All-Bro RB with the Colts looking absolutely lifeless in a 24-0 loss in Jacksonville. Is Matt Ryan really this washed or do they just not have any depth beyond injured wideouts Michael Pittman Jr. and Alec Pierce? Either way, Taylor still wasn't getting the looks in the passing game that a runner of his quality should be getting in 1-on-1 coverage where one juke could gain him ten yards. For Barkley, the risk still seems superior to that of the reward for his efforts aren't always backed up by his offensive line or game script thanks to the continued struggles and genuinely underwhelming ceiling of QB Daniel Jones. Saquon's 24 touches this week only produced 21.6 FEWER points than his 24 touches in week one. It's not like the Panthers' defense is terrifying opponents out here. So far, I'd say the one running back to show up in both weeks has been Detroit Lion (of all teams!) D'Andre Swift. A third-year running back out of Georgia that racked up 16.7 on a lowly SEVEN touches, Swift is in a clear time-share with a more classic goal-line back in Jamaal Williams, who doesn't see enough touches (on a team that historically doesn't see the end zone too often) to warrant a start in an 8-team fantasy league. It's a really dire situation in the Bro League where whether one stocked up on as many running backs as possible early on (like myself with CMac, Zeke and King Henry) or went with the more modernized zero-RB approach (perhaps waiting to draft leftovers like Cordarrelle Patterson, Rashaad Penny and Miles Sanders), nobody seems 100% pleased with their situation at that position. Maybe Alvin Kamara and James Conner just need to get healthy or maybe we need to switch to a 1-RB, 3-WR, 1 or 2-flex lineup structure. 

Mitch Stringer - USA TODAY Sports
Dolphins WR Jaylen Waddle has scored 12.1 points more than any WRBL Running Back, ranking fourth of the five receivers able to claim their superiority over current RB1 Saquon Barkley.

This early-season positional discrepancy is a perfect transition to the much-delayed WRBL All-Time Points Leaderboard I meant to share prior to the 2022 kickoff. Keep in mind that all stats among those on the following leaderboards are from the 2015 season through the 2021 season. I also have the owner of said players during their most productive season listed in parentheses.

QB

1. Aaron Rodgers 1,798.04 (Darrin)

2. Tom Brady 1,565.7 (Andy)

3. Patrick Mahomes 1,281.36 (Andy)

4. Russell Wilson 1,272.24 (Ryan)

5. Drew Brees 1,026 (Ryan)

6. Lamar Jackson 933.38 (Nick)

7. Matt Ryan 895.44 (Alec)

8. Cam Newton 857.2 (Josh)

9. DeShaun Watson 761.72 (Hoefs)

10. Josh Allen 586.84 (Cole)

RB

1. Alvin Kamara 1,373.3 (Darrin)

2. Todd Gurley 1,338.2 (Ryan)

3. Ezekiel Elliott 1,313.26 (Nick)

4. Christian McCaffrey 1,201.8 (Scott)

5. Melvin Gordon 1,053.8 (Alec)

6. David Johnson 961.3 (Nick)

7. Le'Veon Bell 949.3 (Alec)

8. Dalvin Cook 892.6 (Sneen)

9. Devonta Freeman 839.8 (Darrin)

10. Aaron Jones 795.5 (Ryan)

WR

1. DeAndre Hopkins 1,729 (Nick)

2. Julio Jones 1,450.5 (Andy)

3. Mike Evans 1,448.7 (Scott)

4. Davante Adams 1,347 (Darrin)

5. Antonio Brown 1,308.3 (Sneen)

6. Keenan Allen 1,291.7 (Andy)

7. Tyreek Hill 1,288 (Hoefs)

8. Michael Thomas 1,021.9 (Andy)

9. Stefon Diggs 1,005.9 (Sneen)

10. Odell Beckham Jr. 999.42 (Cole)

TE

1. Travis Kelce 1,646.76 (Hoefs)

2. Zach Ertz 755.4 (Sneen)

3. Rob Gronkowski 707.3 (Nick)

4. George Kittle 683.7 (Cole)

5. Darren Waller 538.2 (Ryan)

6. Delanie Walker 529 (Andy)

7. Mark Andrews 505.3 (Sneen)

8. Jimmy Graham 451.2 (Nick)

9. Greg Olsen 435 (Darrin)

10. Hunter Henry 363 (Sneen)

K

1. Justin Tucker 911 (Sneen)

2. Wil Lutz 628 (Alec)

3. Harrison Butker 610 (Nick)

4. Stephen Gostkowski 605 (Scott)

5. Mason Crosby 545 (Darrin)

6. Matt Prater 486 (Andy)

7. Greg Zuerlein 383 (Ryan)

8. Matt Bryant 361 (Cole)

9. Brandon McManus 290 (Alec)

10. Dan Bailey 217 (Darrin)

D/ST

1. Los Angeles Rams 547

2. New England Patriots 501

3. Baltimore Ravens 449

4. Denver Broncos 443

5. Carolina Panthers 403

6. Minnesota Vikings 375

7. Pittsburgh Steelers 363

8. Buffalo Bills 331

9. Arizona Cardinals 326

10. Seattle Seahawks 298

Next week, I should have more on the happenings of that week besides some more general ramblings about running back usage since I won't be in Milwaukee again, where I got to witness Yankees Outfielder Aaron Judge smack his 58th and 59th home runs in an all-time great season for the 30-year old impending free agent. Yankees won 12-8 and the Brewers should be done by this time next week as far as playoff contention is concerned. Oh well, at least they don't have to play the Bronx Bombers too frequently.

Official WRBL Standings

Steven Nett Division

Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 2-0 W2 (331.36)

Here Dad Weights (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 1-1 W1 (258.9)

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 1-1 L1 (256.26)

Yeezy Taught Me (Nathaniel Hoefs) 0-2 L2 (236.3)

Shooter McGavin Division

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 2-0 W2 (264.18)

Kyler's Study Buddies (Brett Weinfurter) 1-1 W1 (275.38)

Scott's Many Endeavors (Nick Zurawski) 1-1 L1 (245.64)

The Rule of Law (Andy Todd) 0-2 L2 (191.78)

Week Two Final Scores

BRETT defeats HOEFS 138.92-133.38

SPARKY defeats NICK 139.4-115.12

COLE defeats GABE 165.78-123.36

ALEC defeats ANDY 126.06-98.4

Heroes of the Week: WR Stefon Diggs (44.8), QB Lamar Jackson (42.62), WR Tyreek Hill (42)

Waiver Wonders: WR Garrett Wilson (30), QB Carson Wentz (27.78), QB Joe Flacco (26.88)

Benchwarmers of the Week: WR Amon-Ra St. Brown (39.4, Nick), QB Tua Tagovailoa (38.86, Cole), RB Nick Chubb (32.2, Gabe)

NFL.com
Benchwarmer of the Week: RB Nick Chubb (Stoltzya's Electric Orcas)

Upcoming Week 3 Schedule: WRBL & NFL

Alec v. Nick

Sparky v. Andy

Gabe v. Brett

Hoefs v. Cole

THURSDAY @ 7:15 PM CT: Pittsburgh @ Cleveland

SUNDAY @ Noon: Buffalo @ Miami

Detroit @ Minnesota

Kansas City @ Indianapolis

Baltimore @ New England

Philadelphia @ Washington

New Orleans @ Carolina

Las Vegas @ Tennessee

Cincinnati @ NY Jets

Houston @ Chicago

3:05 PM CT: Jacksonville @ LA Chargers

3:25 PM CT: LA Rams @ Arizona

Green Bay @ Tampa Bay

Atlanta @ Seattle

SNF @ 7:20 PM CT: San Francisco @ Denver

MNF @ 7:15 PM CT: Dallas @ NY Giants

Scoring Leaders

QB

Lamar Jackson 62.84 (Nick)

Josh Allen 61.16 (Cole)

Patrick Mahomes 52.2 (Sparky)

Kyler Murray 46.5 (Hoefs)

Joe Burrow 34.78 (Alec)

Jalen Hurts 33.02 (Brett)

Russell Wilson 28.86 (Gabe)

Justin Herbert 23.26 (Brett)

Tom Brady 19.78 (Andy)

RB

Saquon Barkley 45.2 (Cole)

D'Andre Swift 43.2 (Hoefs)

Aaron Jones 42.6 (Brett)

Jonathan Taylor 34.8 (Gabe)

Joe Mixon 32.8 (Gabe)

Christian McCaffrey 32.5 (Andy)

Antonio Gibson 32.1 (Gabe)

Austin Ekeler 29.6 (Sparky)

Javonte Williams 29.3 (Cole)

Leonard Fournette 25.1 (Nick)

David Montgomery 23.6 (Alec)

Dalvin Cook 21.4 (Nick)

Derrick Henry 16.7 (Andy)

Clyde Edwards-Helaire 15.8 (Sparky)

Ezekiel Elliott 11.8 (Andy)

Najee Harris 10.6 (Nick)

Breece Hall 10.1 (Brett)

Kareem Hunt 9.4 (Brett)

Josh Jacobs 9.1 (Alec)

Alvin Kamara 7.6 (Sparky)

James Conner 7.1 (Nick)

Melvin Gordon 6.3 (Cole)

Elijah Mitchell 4.1 (Hoefs)

Rashaad Penny 1.5 (Hoefs)

Kenyan Drake 0.8 (Sparky)

WR

Stefon Diggs 71 (Cole)

Cooper Kupp 63.6 (Hoefs)

Tyreek Hill 60 (Gabe)

Jaylen Waddle 57.3 (Cole)

Justin Jefferson 50.2 (Alec)

Ja'Marr Chase 39.7 (Brett)

Davante Adams 39.3 (Brett)

A.J. Brown 37.4 (Nick)

Courtland Sutton 30.9 (Gabe)

Deebo Samuel 27.3 (Alec)

Mike Evans 27.2 (Andy)

Michael Pittman Jr. 27.1 (Sparky)

Diontae Johnson 26.2 (Nick)

Terry McLaurin 26 (Alec)

Christian Kirk 25.8 (Sparky)

Tee Higgins 23.8 (Sparky)

D.J. Moore 21.3 (Hoefs)

CeeDee Lamb 20 (Hoefs)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 15.9 (Andy)

Brandin Cooks 15.2 (Cole)

Keenan Allen 10.6 (Brett)

DK Metcalf 7.5 (Brett)

Mike Williams 3 (Sparky)

TE

Travis Kelce 36.2 (Alec)

Mark Andrews 35.9 (Andy)

Darren Waller 28.9 (Brett)

Dallas Goedert 22.2 (Sparky)

Dalton Schultz 15 (Nick)

Tyler Higbee 14.1 (Hoefs)

T.J. Hockenson 13.5 (Cole)

Kyle Pitts 7.8 (Gabe)

K

Daniel Carlson 22 (Nick)

Brandon McManus 22 (Alec)

Tyler Bass 20 (Cole)

Evan McPherson 20 (Brett)

Justin Tucker 16 (Sparky)

Matt Gay 13 (Hoefs)

Ryan Succop 10 (Andy)

Harrison Butker 9 (Gabe)

Rodrigo Blankenship 8 (Andy)

Jake Elliott 5 (Gabe)

DF

Buffalo Bills 35 (Sparky)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 35 (Alec)

Baltimore Ravens 18 (Nick)

San Francisco 49ers 15 (Gabe)

Dallas Cowboys 11 (Brett)

Green Bay Packers 9 (Hoefs)

Los Angeles Rams 9 (Andy)

Denver Broncos 6 (Cole)

New Orleans Saints 6 (Cole)

Indianapolis Colts 5 (Andy)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)

Colieveland 96ers 2-0

Kyler's Study Buddies 2-0

Tax Paying Homeowner 1-1

Here Dad Weights 1-1

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 1-1

Yeezy Taught Me 1-1

Scott's Many Endeavors 0-2

The Rule of Law 0-2

Wisconsin Rapids Fantasy Football Bro League (WRBL) Week 1, 2022

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Our eighth official season of blaming Cole Walters for spitting on Chris Pine.

Kevin Jairaj - USA TODAY Sports
COMING NEXT WEEK: Updated All-Time WRBL Scoring Leaderboards

Bro...

In case it wasn't already obvious, there have been some changes going into the eighth official season of our fantasy football league that has been around in some iteration since the early 2010s at least (though I'm sure Nick would argue otherwise). First, the formatting on these weekly blog posts needed a bit of a less eye-violating layout and though I'm sure this is still font overload, I really don't care! fonts are fun! It's the small things, man! In addition to that, I'm now leading off with a slightly neutered weekly recap/preview section (AKA: This "Bro..." section that I'm so glad you have currently decided to read). It's always easiest to put a whole big story together the first couple of weeks when everybody's odds seem to link up to the same general 12.5% chance at winning. As the middle of the season hits (picture Halloween through WRBL playoff time), things just go off the rails a bit and with the NBA season starting, MLB season ending and college football heating up with inter-conference play, my interests wane a bit and it becomes harder to continually trash the 0-8 Noah Bakunowicz team as he faces 6-2 Darrin Aschebrook. There's little hype for all that, unlike the hype we might feel now after one week of fairly even play with the new roster of team owners.

Oh yeah, we went through a major overhaul this offseason for a variety of reasons nobody truly comprehends to this day. There's no serious bad blood as far as I'm concerned but, we have had to replace the two remaining members of the Dougherty/Aschebrook clan and our cabin living Tyler Sneen and his Sneen Machine. It especially sucks to see Sneen leave since he's been a member of the league since the pre-official, blog-recap seasons of Bro-dom. Replacing Tyler Sneen is Gabe Stoltz (Why is Gabe specifically replacing Sneen? WHO CAN SAY!?), Gabe is a fantasy guru that secretly inspired me to snag RB James Robinson off waivers after the 2020 NFL preseason and despite having eyes and a brain of my own, I sort of feel like I owe him the credit for that playoff appearance since he confirmed all my personal pro-Robinson biases at the time. Since graduating a year after literally all seven of the other owners in this league, Gabe has gone on to become the Milwaukee Bucks' beat reporter for brewhoop, a subsidiary of SB Nation. In conclusion, dude knows his shit and we should all fear him unless he gets distracted by one of his other long-term leagues that he probably takes my role of recapping weekly in some alternate universe (we don't believe in remaining monogamous to just the Bro League since 7/8 of us lose every year and must make up for that with our side-hustles).

After losing Scott Aschebrook to a last-place finish that caused him to scheme another league all together since I guess the former champion couldn't hang, it was only a matter of time before Ryan and Darrin left since they're kin to Scott and I'm sure they can stick to whatever commitments they've made to some familial fantasy football league better than they can commit to this league considering how geographically spread out everyone is now. God bless Cole Walters for reuniting us with two of our other former classmates in Jaime Sparkes and Brett Weinfurter. I have no idea what Sparky has been up to but, I'm sure he and Alec will have an epic rivalry this season to decide who exactly the Best Dad Ever is. Sparky is a sports fanatic whose fantasy football acumen I am unfamiliar with but, I look forward to studying so that I may swipe his players and low-ball him in trade offers until he tires of us and leaves as quickly as he agreed to sign up. Brett Weinfurter and I go way back to the early days at Lincoln High where I was swinging around my lunchbox like a rabid animal at anybody who dared cross my path. He was cool about it, sorry for the bruising bud. I heard a rumor Brett was actually teaching now as well, meaning I am one step closer to influencing today's youth (good luck keeping a room of minors' attentions when they find out you can't even beat Cole in fantasy, they'll lose all respect) and that is concerning but not as concerning as Mr. Walters walking into your classroom and not leaving for multiple months on end. We were living in the fuck around-est of times and are truly now living in the find out-est of times. Maybe I should try censoring myself a bit more in the future? We'll leave that up for debate.

OH YEAH, THE DRAFT! With WRBL commissioner Nick Zurawski in Dublin, Ireland (possibly on a side-mission involving royalty???), it was looking incredibly sketchy that we'd even get this draft to take place on such a tight schedule. Incredibly, Nick and others pulled it off with Alec drafting at an abandoned truck stop with shoddy wi-fi. I told Nick we had to get this draft going whether he was in the States or not because Father Todd "BACK IN MY DAY"-ed the hell out of this scheduling conflict by bringing up the fact that his college friends' league drafted with their commissioner stationed in the Soviet Union, doing missionary work. That's how deep the fantasy sports connection goes for my family. This season's draft saw me (Andy, btw) drafting the oldest fantasy team I've ever picked (in terms of mileage) in any sport. Brady being 45 won my team the title of oldest team based on his anomalous age in comparison to all these other flashier young pups. He may have been the lowest-scoring Quarterback of week one but, he's still got that dawg in him.

An x-ray of Tom Brady's chest after defeating Dallas 19-3 on Sunday Night Football.

The Cowboys' lack of an offensive attack Sunday night meant the game script for Tampa was severely heavy on the running (something Brady no longer does) and as a reaction to that, WR Mike Evans' ceiling was also limited in a league-worst effort from my The Rule of Law squad, Z rejoiced with a victory of anti-climactic proportions. Alec Swanson tended to re-draft players from his past (QB Joe Burrow, RB David Montgomery & WR Justin Jefferson) and they were mostly another year older, another year wiser in their defeat over the debut of Jaime's Here Dad Weights (led by QB Patrick Mahomes' 5 TDs). Next week, Alec will probably fix his lineup by pulling the game-time decision of RB J.K. Dobbins for someone with a heavier workload as he looks to send me to an 0-2 start despite my greatest RB trio in terms of name value that I've probably ever had here (Henry, Elliott, McCaffrey). Nick will play Sparky with or without Tee Higgins (concussion-like symptoms) in the Here Dad Weights lineup as Mr. Goodell's protege looks to turn his 1-0 start into another epic run like last season's 12-game head start en route to his first official championship. Gabe won his introductory match over Nathaniel Hoefs's Yeezy Taught Me, with all three of Stoltz's starting Running Backs (Jonathan Taylor, Joe Mixon and Antonio Gibson in the flex) dropping 20+ on Hoefs' head. In case nobody else was aware, Gabe is (or maybe "was" considering their 16-17 Monday night loss to the Seahawks) super high on the Broncos and showed his hand by taking their new QB Russell Wilson along with top-target WR Courtland Sutton in multiple leagues this season. I know nobody wants to hear about other leagues creeping into our pure, uninterrupted Bro League coverage but I just thought I'd point this out and share that I too am high on Denver, though through sheer luck Father Todd and I acquired Sutton (along with since-cut QB Baker Mayfield) for QB Jordan Love in our TD-only league last season and have had Mr. "Let's Ride" Wilson since his rookie season in 2012 and I will take every chance to brag about that and our three non-WRBL titles since. Gabe faces Cole next week and I'm sure they'll make some side-bet or trophy to accompany this battle as I've been told they already do that in other leagues. It helps fuel their tension that they are both of the 1-0 teams in the Steven Nett Division. Cole seriously EARNED his win this week by dropping a league-high 165.58 on poor Brett and Kyler's Study Buddies. Brett can take solace in knowing his effort will not go unnoticed in our Hypothetical Standings at the very bottom of the page, where on a weekly basis I reward the four highest scoring teams with a win and hand out losses to the four lowest scoring teams, regardless of matchup or division. For now, he must avenge his fallen Charger (WR Keenan Allen) with QB Justin Herbert still finding a way to ball out on Thursday Night Football in Kansas City. He's supposed to be a league MVP candidate so he should be able to manage a 20-point fantasy performance at least if that is indeed the case. Brett will play Hoefs, still looking for his first playoff appearance after two flame-outs courtesy of just pure bad luck. Look on the bright side Hoefs, you didn't have to keep anybody from last season's team since there was too much turnover among ownership and too few keepers for it to really bother anyone if say... I couldn't draft TE Travis Kelce again. 

With all of that out of the way, the NFL season is off to a fun start and the Cowboys (who lost QB Dak Prescott indefinitely to a broken bone in his throwing hand) are going to suck which will be fun to laugh at so here's to another year of making this league spicy! Oh look, my kicker (Rodrigo Blankenship) just got cut after one game... TO THE WAIVER WIRE!!!

Official WRBL Standings (now ft. seasonal point totals!)

Steven Nett Division

Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 1-0 (165.58)

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 1-0 (132.9)

Here Dad Weights (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 0-1 (119.5)

Yeezy Taught Me (Nathaniel Hoefs) 0-1 (102.92)

Shooter McGavin Division

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 1-0 (138.12)

Scott's Many Endeavors (Nick Zurawski) 1-0 (130.52)

Kyler's Study Buddies (Brett Weinfurter) 0-1 (136.46)

The Rule of Law (Andy Todd) 0-1 (93.38)

Week One Final Scores

COLE defeats BRETT 165.58 - 136.46

ALEC defeats SPARKY 138.12 - 119.5

NICK defeats ANDY 130.52 - 93.38 

GABE defeats HOEFS 132.9 - 102.92

Heroes of the Week: WR Justin Jefferson (39.4), QB Patrick Mahomes (34.9), RB Saquon Barkley (33.4)

Waiver Wonders: QB Carson Wentz (27.72), D/ST Pittsburgh Steelers (25), RB Dontrell Hilliard (21.9)

Benchwarmers of the Week: QB Jalen Hurts (24.72, Brett), RB Kareem Hunt (23, Brett), WR Michael Thomas (22.7, Alec)

Zero Points: TE Cole Kmet (Hoefs) & RB J.K. Dobbins (OUT, Alec)

AP Photo/Abbie Parr
Hero of the Week: WR Justin Jefferson (Tax Paying Homeowner)

Upcoming Week 1 Schedule: WRBL & NFL

Gabe v. Cole

Andy v. Alec 

Sparky v. Nick

Brett v. Hoefs

THURSDAY @ 7:15 PM CT: LA Chargers @ Kansas City

SUNDAY @ Noon: New England @ Pittsburgh

Carolina @ NY Giants

NY Jets @ Cleveland

Indianapolis @ Jacksonville

Miami @ Baltimore

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans

Washington @ Detroit

3:05 PM CT: Seattle @ San Francisco

Atlanta @ LA Rams

3:25 PM CT: Arizona @ Las Vegas

Houston @ Denver

Cincinnati @ Dallas

SNF @ 7:20 PM CT: Chicago @ Green Bay

MNF @ 6:15 PM CT: Tennessee @ Buffalo

MNF @ 7:30 PM CT: Minnesota @ Philadelphia

Scoring Leaders

QB

Patrick Mahomes 34.9 (Sparky)

Josh Allen 31.48 (Cole)

Justin Herbert 23.26 (Brett)

Kyler Murray 20.62 (Hoefs)

Lamar Jackson 20.22 (Nick)

Joe Burrow 18.22 (Alec)

Russell Wilson 17.8 (Gabe)

Tom Brady 10.38 (Andy)

RB

Saquon Barkley 33.4 (Cole)

Jonathan Taylor 27.5 (Gabe)

D'Andre Swift 26.5 (Hoefs)

Joe Mixon 21.5 (Gabe)

Antonio Gibson 20 (Gabe)

Javonte Williams 19.8 (Cole)

Leonard Fournette 15.7 (Nick)

Christian McCaffrey 15.7 (Andy)

Dalvin Cook 13.8 (Nick)

Austin Ekeler 11.2 (Sparky)

Najee Harris 10.6 (Nick)

Aaron Jones 10.6 (Brett)

Breece Hall 10.1 (Brett)

Derrick Henry 8.2 (Andy)

David Montgomery 8 (Alec)

Alvin Kamara 7.6 (Sparky)

Ezekiel Elliott 5.9 (Andy)

Elijah Mitchell 4.1 (Hoefs)

WR

Justin Jefferson 39.4 (Alec)

Cooper Kupp 31.8 (Hoefs)

Davante Adams 30.1 (Brett)

Ja'Marr Chase 28.9 (Brett)

Michael Pittman Jr. 27.1 (Sparky)

Stefon Diggs 26.2 (Cole)

A.J. Brown 25.5 (Nick)

Mike Evans 18.1 (Andy)

Tyreek Hill 18 (Gabe)

Jaylen Waddle 17.2 (Cole)

Brandin Cooks 15.2 (Cole)

Terry McLaurin 13.8 (Alec)

Deebo Samuel 12.6 (Alec)

Diontae Johnson 12.5 (Nick)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 11.9 (Andy)

Courtland Sutton 11.2 (Gabe)

Keenan Allen 10.6 (Brett)

DJ Moore 8 (Hoefs)

CeeDee Lamb 4.9 (Hoefs)

Tee Higgins 4.7 (Sparky)

Mike Williams 3 (Sparky)

TE

Travis Kelce 26.1 (Alec)

Dalton Schultz 13.2 (Nick)

Darren Waller 11.9 (Brett)

Mark Andrews 10.2 (Andy)

Dallas Goedert 9 (Sparky)

T.J. Hockenson 7.9 (Cole)

Kyle Pitts 3.9 (Gabe)

K

Brandon McManus 10 (Alec)

Harrison Butker 9 (Gabe)

Daniel Carlson 9 (Nick)

Tyler Bass 8 (Cole)

Rodrigo Blankenship 8 (Andy)

Evan McPherson 7 (Brett)

Matt Gay 6 (Hoefs)

Justin Tucker 6 (Sparky)

DF

Buffalo Bills 16 (Sparky)

Baltimore Ravens 10 (Nick)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 10 (Alec)

New Orleans Saints 6 (Cole)

Indianapolis Colts 5 (Andy)

Dallas Cowboys 4 (Brett)

San Francisco 49ers 4 (Gabe)

Green Bay Packers 1 (Hoefs)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)

Colieveland 96ers 1-0

Tax Paying Homeowner 1-0

Kyler's Study Buddies 1-0

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 1-0

Scott's Many Endeavors 0-1

Here Dad Weights 0-1

Yeezy Taught Me 0-1

The Rule of Law 0-1