Week 12
Our 4th semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for low talkers.
.Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Scott Bless Scott Damn (Scott Aschebrook) 8-4 L2
The Engine That Could (Andy Todd) 8-4 L2
Tremendous Big League (Nick Zurawski) 7-4-1 W5
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 7-5 W1
Launders Money With The WRPD (Alec Swanson) 5-7 L1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 5-7 W2
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 4-7-1 L4
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 3-9 W3
Week Twelve Final Scores
ZURAWSKI 113 ASCHEBROOK JR. 107
ASCHEBROOK SR. 114 WALTERS 104
SNEEN 161 SWANSON 124
DOUGHERTY 121 TODD 99
Heroes of the Week: WR Julio Jones (Sneen), WR Antonio Brown (Zurawski), RB Alvin Kamara (Aschebrook Sr.)
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| Hero of the Week: WR Julio Jones (SNEEN MACHINE) |
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| Zero of the Week: WR Michael Crabtree (Tremendous Big League) |
Upcoming Week 13 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Bro...
Nick Zurawski wants first place and won't take "no" for an answer. The Colombia grad did a stellar job of landing both Antonio Brown and DeAndre Hopkins and now, with Jimmy Graham becoming the NFL's greatest red zone target, Tremendous Big League Z is on a 5-game winning streak, just a half game behind Scott and I. Playoff seeding doesn't mean a ton (we don't get postseason bye weeks) but, momentum has obviously swung in Nick's favor. Another team gaining momentum (albeit for no real cause other than to play spoiler) are Team ChowHounds. After losing his first two draft picks to injured reserve, Darrin has surprised many be regaining his footing as rookie Alvin Kamara and Sneaky McSneakerson Adam Thielen demand to be taken seriously. The only problem is that three teams (TBL, The Engine That Could and Scott Bless Scott Damn) have already locked themselves in the playoffs and last season's Shelby Bowl participants (Cole and Darrin) are definitely OUT. That leaves three teams battling for one playoff slot and there's a two-game advantage for rookie Ryan that means that he simply is in with a win, which would make week 14's only battles for playoff and consolation bracket seeding.
In case this season wasn't strange enough, Tyler Sneen's team must have realized that with a loss, they'd be eliminated since the SNEEN MACHINE was top scorer of the week thanks to Julio Jones getting a 2017-record 50 points versus Tampa Bay's pitiful secondary. If only Julio could do this every week, Tyler and the Falcons would both be in the playoffs. Alec gets a win in the hypothetical standings but, it only works that way because there are no head-to-head matchups in the fantasy league within a fantasy league. Cole Walters' playoff odds were erased with a fourth-consecutive loss, this one to his rival Darrin Aschebrook. Everybody likes to point out how Cole is now 0-4 since DeShaun Watson ruined the NFL season by tearing his ACL. In reality, it has been much more of a team effort than just the Texans quarterback nursing his leg. Cole has been unable to find any steady receiving options with A.J. Green being ejected early one week, Amari Cooper sucking minus that one Thursday night game and Davante Adams trying to make the most out of Brett Hundley throwing him passes. All of that plus Evan Engram being a total dud the past two weeks when former starter Eli Manning had nobody else to throw to have contributed to the state of the 96ers, a team now potentially tanking for the first pick in 2018 (ask Darrin how that went over this year). Due to the 40-point game Sunday night from Antonio Brown, Scott suffered his second consecutive defeat (yet he still is hanging around atop the latest standings) and now Nick joins Scott and I in the playoffs. Finally, my team heard the words "clinched playoffs" and could not give less of a shit right now, as proven by Dak Prescott and Kareem Hunt's recent performances. Ryan earned another well-fought win and not enough is being made of how consistently awesome Team Easy Breesy has been this year, despite the 7-5 record.
Even with a win in fantasy, it's easy to feel shame in a pick gone bad as both Zero of the Week honors went to players on winning WRBL teams. Vernon Davis was too enthusiastic for "SWEET POTATO YAMS" Thursday night as he was held receptionless for Ryan despite the absence of Jordan Reed. Michael Crabtree was so disappointing this week that Nick made sure to message me immediately, declaring Crabtree "instant zero of the week". Of course if Aqib Talib weren't such a dick and Crabtree wasn't dumb enough to wear his chain against a chain-grabber for the second time in two years, we wouldn't be here but hey, that Crabtree for Ryan Tannehill and a 2nd round pick trade I made in my one keeper league looks better today. Even though players need to score exactly 0 points or fewer in order to be named a Zero of the Week, my main men Dak Prescott and Kareem Hunt went from carrying me to the postseason to now combining for just five points this week. I understand that defenses are playing them differently now but, I have to at least call them out as dishonorable mentions here.
Only two weeks remain in the WRBL regular season and the last week might not matter at all if Ryan defeats Scott or Darrin continues his hot streak versus Alec. Another possibility is that my hibernating Engine That Could pulls off a shocker against Sneen's machine in a 2015 championship rematch, thus eliminating Tyler from playoff contention. Personally, once I heard I was in the playoffs, I immediately focused on the future, stealthily adding Aaron Rodgers for either this postseason or future keeper purposes in case Odell Beckham Jr. has to catch passes from a Trevor Siemian-type next season. I also put in a waiver claim for HOLY FUCKBALLS HE'S FINALLY BACK?! Josh Gordon. Alec decided to be the annual Josh Gordon recipient this season as the Browns' one offensive star makes his season debut against the Chargers this week. Cole and his sad squad will try and pull of the most upsetting of upsets this week in a rematch versus Nick of their earlier first-ever tie. In the NFL, the NFC's playoff picture looks fascinating with Dallas, Green Bay and Detroit all basically needing to win out in order to catch up to the surprise teams like New Orleans and the Rams while proven winners like Carolina, Seattle and Atlanta all linger around wildcard spots at the moment. The Eagles and Vikings are pretty clearly the NFC favorites with elite defenses and consistently good-to-great offenses and the AFC is New England territory so, why focus more than one sentence on that mess right now? December 23rd is our league meeting date at a TBD location and whether you're there to win the whole league or just battle for fifth, it is a must-attend if you enjoy fun, football and friends.
Dak Prescott 178 (TODD)
Aaron Rodgers 103 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
DeShaun Watson 91 (WALTERS)
Alex Smith 89 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Derek Carr 66 (ZURAWSKI)
Matthew Stafford 64 (ZURAWSKI)
Kareem Hunt 183 (TODD)
Ezekiel Elliott 164 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Leonard Fournette 151 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Christian McCaffrey 136 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Ty Montgomery 74 (SNEEN)
Jay Ajayi 57 (ZURAWSKI)
Chris Thompson 56 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
James White 45 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Duke Johnson Jr. 42 (TODD)
DeMarco Murray 41 (ZURAWSKI)
Javorius Allen 36 (ZURAWSKI/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
LeGarrette Blount 19 (DOUGHERTY)
Tarik Cohen 13 (SWANSON)
Chris Ivory 8 (WALTERS)
DeAndre Hopkins 218 (ZURAWSKI)
A.J. Green 163 (WALTERS)
Mike Evans 126 (DOUGHERTY)
Larry Fitzgerald 126 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Tyreek Hill 126 (SWANSON)
Doug Baldwin 117 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Stefon Diggs 103 (DOUGHERTY)
Jordy Nelson 90 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Chris Hogan 80 (TODD)
Golden Tate 77 (DOUGHERTY)
Odell Beckham Jr. 71 (TODD)
Pierre Garcon 46 (SNEEN)
Martavis Bryant 34 (SNEEN)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 28 (DOUGHERTY)
DeSean Jackson 27 (WALTERS)
Terrelle Pryor 22 (SWANSON)
TE
Rob Gronkowski 154 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Zach Ertz 106 (SNEEN)
Evan Engram 55 (WALTERS)
Martellus Bennett 37 (WALTERS)
Vernon Davis 29 (SNEEN/DOUGHERTY)
Charles Clay 21 (DOUGHERTY)
Austin Seferian-Jenkins 16 (ZURAWSKI)
Jared Cook 9 (WALTERS)
Eric Ebron 2 (WALTERS)
Matt Bryant 105 (ASCHEBROOK SR./SWANSON)
Matt Prater 98 (WALTERS/SWANSON)
Jake Elliott 53 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Kai Forbath 30 (TODD/WALTERS)
Harrison Butker 21 (ZURAWSKI)
Adam Vinatieri 17 (ZURAWSKI)
Minnesota Vikings 71 (SNEEN)
Carolina Panthers 58 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Denver Broncos 50 (DOUGHERTY/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Kansas City Chiefs 50 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Pittsburgh Steelers 36 (TODD/WALTERS/SWANSON)
Los Angeles Chargers 24 (SWANSON)
Buffalo Bills 14 (ZURAWSKI/TODD)
New Orleans Saints 6 (DOUGHERTY)
The Engine That Could 7-5
Scott Bless Scott Damn 6-6
Ryan v. Scott
Nick v. Cole
Tyler v. Andy
Darrin v. Alec
Thursday: Washington @ Dallas 7:25 PM
Sunday: Minnesota @ Atlanta NOON
Nick v. Cole
Tyler v. Andy
Darrin v. Alec
Thursday: Washington @ Dallas 7:25 PM
Sunday: Minnesota @ Atlanta NOON
New England @ Buffalo NOON
San Francisco @ Chicago NOON
Tampa Bay @ Green Bay NOON
Houston @ Tennessee NOON
Denver @ Miami NOON
Kansas City @ NY Jets NOON
Indianapolis @ Jacksonville NOON
Detroit @ Baltimore NOON
Cleveland @ LA Chargers 3:05 PM
NY Giants @ Oakland 3:25 PM
San Francisco @ Chicago NOON
Tampa Bay @ Green Bay NOON
Houston @ Tennessee NOON
Denver @ Miami NOON
Kansas City @ NY Jets NOON
Indianapolis @ Jacksonville NOON
Detroit @ Baltimore NOON
Cleveland @ LA Chargers 3:05 PM
NY Giants @ Oakland 3:25 PM
Carolina @ New Orleans 3:25 PM
LA Rams @ Arizona 3:25 PM
Philadelphia @ Seattle 7:30 PM
LA Rams @ Arizona 3:25 PM
Philadelphia @ Seattle 7:30 PM
Monday: Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati 7:30 PM
Bro...
Nick Zurawski wants first place and won't take "no" for an answer. The Colombia grad did a stellar job of landing both Antonio Brown and DeAndre Hopkins and now, with Jimmy Graham becoming the NFL's greatest red zone target, Tremendous Big League Z is on a 5-game winning streak, just a half game behind Scott and I. Playoff seeding doesn't mean a ton (we don't get postseason bye weeks) but, momentum has obviously swung in Nick's favor. Another team gaining momentum (albeit for no real cause other than to play spoiler) are Team ChowHounds. After losing his first two draft picks to injured reserve, Darrin has surprised many be regaining his footing as rookie Alvin Kamara and Sneaky McSneakerson Adam Thielen demand to be taken seriously. The only problem is that three teams (TBL, The Engine That Could and Scott Bless Scott Damn) have already locked themselves in the playoffs and last season's Shelby Bowl participants (Cole and Darrin) are definitely OUT. That leaves three teams battling for one playoff slot and there's a two-game advantage for rookie Ryan that means that he simply is in with a win, which would make week 14's only battles for playoff and consolation bracket seeding.
 |
| Gregory Shamus/Getty Images After having the highest-selling jersey in North Dakota this offseason, Thielen is looking at winning the Waiver Wonder Award for 2017. |
In case this season wasn't strange enough, Tyler Sneen's team must have realized that with a loss, they'd be eliminated since the SNEEN MACHINE was top scorer of the week thanks to Julio Jones getting a 2017-record 50 points versus Tampa Bay's pitiful secondary. If only Julio could do this every week, Tyler and the Falcons would both be in the playoffs. Alec gets a win in the hypothetical standings but, it only works that way because there are no head-to-head matchups in the fantasy league within a fantasy league. Cole Walters' playoff odds were erased with a fourth-consecutive loss, this one to his rival Darrin Aschebrook. Everybody likes to point out how Cole is now 0-4 since DeShaun Watson ruined the NFL season by tearing his ACL. In reality, it has been much more of a team effort than just the Texans quarterback nursing his leg. Cole has been unable to find any steady receiving options with A.J. Green being ejected early one week, Amari Cooper sucking minus that one Thursday night game and Davante Adams trying to make the most out of Brett Hundley throwing him passes. All of that plus Evan Engram being a total dud the past two weeks when former starter Eli Manning had nobody else to throw to have contributed to the state of the 96ers, a team now potentially tanking for the first pick in 2018 (ask Darrin how that went over this year). Due to the 40-point game Sunday night from Antonio Brown, Scott suffered his second consecutive defeat (yet he still is hanging around atop the latest standings) and now Nick joins Scott and I in the playoffs. Finally, my team heard the words "clinched playoffs" and could not give less of a shit right now, as proven by Dak Prescott and Kareem Hunt's recent performances. Ryan earned another well-fought win and not enough is being made of how consistently awesome Team Easy Breesy has been this year, despite the 7-5 record.
Even with a win in fantasy, it's easy to feel shame in a pick gone bad as both Zero of the Week honors went to players on winning WRBL teams. Vernon Davis was too enthusiastic for "SWEET POTATO YAMS" Thursday night as he was held receptionless for Ryan despite the absence of Jordan Reed. Michael Crabtree was so disappointing this week that Nick made sure to message me immediately, declaring Crabtree "instant zero of the week". Of course if Aqib Talib weren't such a dick and Crabtree wasn't dumb enough to wear his chain against a chain-grabber for the second time in two years, we wouldn't be here but hey, that Crabtree for Ryan Tannehill and a 2nd round pick trade I made in my one keeper league looks better today. Even though players need to score exactly 0 points or fewer in order to be named a Zero of the Week, my main men Dak Prescott and Kareem Hunt went from carrying me to the postseason to now combining for just five points this week. I understand that defenses are playing them differently now but, I have to at least call them out as dishonorable mentions here.
Only two weeks remain in the WRBL regular season and the last week might not matter at all if Ryan defeats Scott or Darrin continues his hot streak versus Alec. Another possibility is that my hibernating Engine That Could pulls off a shocker against Sneen's machine in a 2015 championship rematch, thus eliminating Tyler from playoff contention. Personally, once I heard I was in the playoffs, I immediately focused on the future, stealthily adding Aaron Rodgers for either this postseason or future keeper purposes in case Odell Beckham Jr. has to catch passes from a Trevor Siemian-type next season. I also put in a waiver claim for HOLY FUCKBALLS HE'S FINALLY BACK?! Josh Gordon. Alec decided to be the annual Josh Gordon recipient this season as the Browns' one offensive star makes his season debut against the Chargers this week. Cole and his sad squad will try and pull of the most upsetting of upsets this week in a rematch versus Nick of their earlier first-ever tie. In the NFL, the NFC's playoff picture looks fascinating with Dallas, Green Bay and Detroit all basically needing to win out in order to catch up to the surprise teams like New Orleans and the Rams while proven winners like Carolina, Seattle and Atlanta all linger around wildcard spots at the moment. The Eagles and Vikings are pretty clearly the NFC favorites with elite defenses and consistently good-to-great offenses and the AFC is New England territory so, why focus more than one sentence on that mess right now? December 23rd is our league meeting date at a TBD location and whether you're there to win the whole league or just battle for fifth, it is a must-attend if you enjoy fun, football and friends.
Scoring Leaders
QB
Russell Wilson 244 (SWANSON)
Tom Brady 224 (SNEEN)
Drew Brees 121 (DOUGHERTY)
Ben Roethlisberger 91 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Matt Ryan 90 (WALTERS)
Cam Newton 89 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Carson Wentz 85 (DOUGHERTY)
Tyrod Taylor 47 (ZURAWSKI)
Marcus Mariota 25 (DOUGHERTY/ZURAWSKI)
Philip Rivers 24 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Jameis Winston 20 (ASCHEBROOK JR./WALTERS)
Andy Dalton 18 (WALTERS)
Case Keenum 17 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jared Goff 9 (WALTERS)
Mitchell Trubisky 9 (SWANSON)
Kirk Cousins 7 (SNEEN)
Kirk Cousins 7 (SNEEN)
RB
Le'Veon Bell 214 (SWANSON)
Todd Gurley 192 (DOUGHERTY)
Melvin Gordon 179 (WALTERS)
LeSean McCoy 171 (DOUGHERTY)
Alvin Kamara 156 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Mark Ingram 143 (ZURAWSKI)
Lamar Miller 137 (WALTERS)
Devonta Freeman 107 (SNEEN)
Jordan Howard 99 (SWANSON)
Joe Mixon 86 (TODD)
Carlos Hyde 79 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
C.J. Anderson 64 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ameer Abdullah 53 (TODD)
Tevin Coleman 51 (SNEEN)
Latavius Murray 44 (SNEEN)
Frank Gore 37 (TODD/SNEEN)
Dalvin Cook 27 (DOUGHERTY)
Matt Forte' 24 (SWANSON)
Jerick McKinnon 24 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Adrian Peterson 21 (ZURAWSKI)
Doug Martin 20 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Samaje Perine 16 (TODD)
Isaiah Crowell 13 (TODD)
David Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dion Lewis 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Marshawn Lynch 11 (ZURAWSKI)
David Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dion Lewis 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Marshawn Lynch 11 (ZURAWSKI)
Bilal Powell 8 (WALTERS/ZURAWSKI)
Danny Woodhead 8 (SNEEN)
Alex Collins 5 (SWANSON)
Aaron Jones 5 (WALTERS)
Alfred Morris 5 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Alfred Morris 5 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Paul Perkins 3 (TODD)
WR
Antonio Brown 245 (ZURAWSKI)
Julio Jones 184 (SNEEN)
Keenan Allen 158 (DOUGHERTY)
Michael Thomas 157 (TODD)
Jarvis Landry 149 (WALTERS)
Adam Thielen 137 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Demaryius Thomas 134 (SNEEN)
Brandin Cooks 133 (SWANSON)
Dez Bryant 97 (SWANSON)
Michael Crabtree 91 (ZURAWSKI)
Emmanuel Sanders 87 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Davante Adams 77 (WALTERS)
DeVante Parker 57 (SWANSON)
Amari Cooper 54 (WALTERS)
Sterling Shepard 37 (TODD)
Marvin Jones 29 (DOUGHERTY)
Danny Amendola 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Nelson Agholor 24 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Kelvin Benjamin 15 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Ted Ginn Jr. 15 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Mohamed Sanu 12 (TODD)
Marqise Lee 9 (SNEEN)
T.Y. Hilton 8 (TODD)
Corey Davis 7 (TODD)
Marqise Lee 9 (SNEEN)
T.Y. Hilton 8 (TODD)
Corey Davis 7 (TODD)
Eric Decker 7 (SNEEN)
Rishard Matthews 7 (DOUGHERTY)
Rishard Matthews 7 (DOUGHERTY)
Randall Cobb 6 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Devin Funchess 6 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Alshon Jeffery 6 (ZURAWSKI)
Sammy Watkins 2 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
John Brown 1 (DOUGHERTY)
Alshon Jeffery 6 (ZURAWSKI)
Sammy Watkins 2 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
John Brown 1 (DOUGHERTY)
Mike Wallace 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
TE
Travis Kelce 163 (TODD)
Jimmy Graham 118 (ZURAWSKI)
Jason Witten 60 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Delanie Walker 56 (SWANSON)
Jack Doyle 38 (DOUGHERTY/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Hunter Henry 33 (DOUGHERTY)
Kyle Rudolph 25 (SWANSON)
Cameron Brate 23 (SWANSON)
Jordan Reed 18 (SNEEN)
Jared Cook 9 (WALTERS)
Greg Olsen 5 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tyler Eifert 1 (SWANSON)
Tyler Kroft 1 (TODD)
Tyler Kroft 1 (TODD)
K
Wil Lutz 118 (DOUGHERTY)
Stephen Gostkowski 108 (SNEEN)
Greg Zuerlein 83 (ASCHEBROOK SR./TODD)
Justin Tucker 65 (ASCHEBROOK JR./DOUGHERTY/WALTERS)
Dan Bailey 42 (SWANSON/TODD)
Chris Boswell 35 (TODD/ZURAWSKI)
Giorgio Tavecchio 27 (TODD)
Ryan Succop 26 (WALTERS/SNEEN)
Mason Crosby 19 (ZURAWSKI)
Brandon McManus 17 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Robbie Gould 10 (SWANSON)
Harrison Butker 5 (ZURAWSKI)
DF
Seattle Seahawks 84 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Jacksonville Jaguars 72 (ZURAWSKI)
Baltimore Ravens 64 (WALTERS/DOUGHERTY)
Los Angeles Rams 53 (TODD)
Philadelphia Eagles 53 (ASCHEBROOK JR./ZURAWSKI/TODD)
Houston Texans 43 (WALTERS/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Arizona Cardinals 37 (ZURAWSKI/DOUGHERTY/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Detroit Lions 27 (SWANSON/SNEEN)
Cincinnati Bengals 24 (WALTERS)
New England Patriots 16 (TODD)
New Orleans Saints 6 (DOUGHERTY)
Washington 5 (WALTERS)
Atlanta Falcons 4 (SWANSON)
Miami Dolphins 4 (ZURAWSKI)
Chicago Bears 3 (ZURAWSKI)
Chicago Bears 3 (ZURAWSKI)
San Francisco 49ers 3 (ZURAWSKI)
New York Giants -2 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
New York Giants -2 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Hypothetical Standings
Team Easy Breesy 11-1
Tremendous Big League 7-5
Launders Money With The WRPD 5-7
SNEEN MACHINE 4-8
Colieveland 96ers 4-8
SNEEN MACHINE 4-8
Colieveland 96ers 4-8
Team ChowHounds 4-8
