Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Our eighth official season of blaming Cole Walters for 80% of the ocean being unexplored.
Bro...
Shooter McGavin Division... So hot right now. Alec with his one-game lead being driven by four consecutive weeks without a loss during Raider RB Josh Jacobs' contract season and me (Andy) with my unreal 5-game turnaround starring the beefiest non-Jacobs running backs around. Our division is filled with such star power right now that defending champion Nick Zurawski's tough luck (the immediate injury of trade acquisition TE Darren Waller and the October silencing of former studs like QB Lamar Jackson and RB Najee Harris) has been bad enough to anchor his team, Scott's Many Endeavors at the bottom of the standings. Scott may have too many endeavors to deal with the Bro League this season but, at least he dodged the lethal tornado that is fantasy football in 2022. Even rookie Brett Weinfurter has made his presence felt by the lethal duo of WRs Davante Adams and Ja'Marr Chase. I know what the numbers say (pretty evenly split hypothetical standing with a Steven Nett team in first and a Shooter McGavin team in last) but in this dimension, the Steven Nett Division has one winning team and Cole's luck is starting to run out with RB Breece Hall tearing an ACL (corrupting a pretty solid Rookie of the Year case) after RB Javonte Williams suffered the same fate a few weeks back. In case there was still proof needed as to which division is superior at this very moment, just look at this week's results where Alec blew out Cole by 44.5 points, I defeated Gabe as he begins to play the Quarterback carousel, jumping from Russell Wilson to Geno Smith with Mr. Unlimited Disappointments still being the end result and Brett got an interdivisional W thanks to an impressive performance by the Dallas Cowboys' #1 (again???) defense. The only thing keeping things somewhat balanced between the dueling divisions right now is that the #1 QB (Josh Allen), #1 RB (Austin Ekeler) and #1 WR (Stefon Diggs) are all keeping Sparky and Cole in matchups whether their teams can make it through a full weekend or not.
In Week 8, the explosiveness of QB Patrick Mahomes, TE Travis Kelce and the Chiefs offense are one of only two teams on bye. The other team being the somewhat conservative Chargers' offense that is really only highlighted by Austin Ekeler's quest to break the record for receptions in a season by an NFL Running Back. Ekeler currently sits at 53 catches and is on pace to break the record currently held by Rule of Law RB Christian McCaffrey (who had 116 in 2019). McCaffrey is noteworthy this week as the former consensus #1 fantasy pick (from 2019 & probably 2020) was dealt by the Carolina Panthers (a team one game out of first in their division) to the San Francisco 49ers (a team one game out of first in their division) for a bunch of day 2 draft picks in 2023. CMac's debut went about as well as it could have for somebody with one practice on the roster as he looked very enticing for future fantasy weeks in very limited action on my bench. Shout out to Kenneth Walker III on being the hero we were promised, though maybe not the one I deserve after all the previous years of tank-adjacent trade proposals. I'm getting better at this fantasy thing and I think it has a lot to do with defenses not accruing points (and to that same point, NEGATIVE points) as easily as they have in the past due to some minor ESPN standard scoring changes that I have yet to fully decipher.
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John Cordes/Icon Sportswire
Kenneth Walker III's 28.7 points in Andy's flex position were the difference in a loss for Gabe. |
With no KC and no LA (at least, not the good one), we're stuck with the disappointing Browns, Packers and Buccaneers all in primetime games. I'm actively looking to avoid watching primetime games this season because A. Fuck Amazon, B. Fuck these boring ass teams and C. Imagine all the non-football, productive things I COULD accomplish in those three hours instead? (okay but seriously though, NBA League Pass is coming in clutch this year). The only two winning teams playing this week are the 6-1 New York Giants at the 4-3 Seattle Seahawks and we all know that even with seven teams ending the regular season postseason-eligible, one of those teams is going to turn out to be absolute frauds. It's a very strange time in the National Football League, made all that much stranger by Matt Ryan's supposedly permanent benching for Sam Ehlinger in Indy and Jameis Winston getting a quiet boot for Andy Dalton after an injury led Dalton to throw four touchdowns last Thursday. Who said Thursday night games didn't have flourishes of offensive competence? Stay tuned for the Baltimore Ravens and Tampa Bay Buccaneers, two wildly unpredictable YET feasibly decent offenses playing this week that might be the difference makers in fantasy matches afar.
Steven Nett Division
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 5-2 L1 (971.74)
Here Dad Weights (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 3-4 W1 (932.06)
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 2-5 L3 (794.08)
Yeezy Taught Me (Nathaniel Hoefs) 1-6 L2 (769.64)
Shooter McGavin Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 6-1 W4 (957.6)
The Rule of Law (Andy Todd) 5-2 W5 (885.22)
Kyler's Study Buddies (Brett Weinfurter) 3-4 W1 (885.02)
Scott's Many Endeavors (Nick Zurawski) 3-4 L1 (809.68)
Week Seven Final Scores
ANDY defeats GABE 128.3-104.2
SPARKY defeats HOEFS 171.92-128.28
ALEC defeats COLE 150.64-106.14
BRETT defeats NICK 137.32-91.8
Heroes of the Week: QB Joe Burrow (39.24, Alec), RB Austin Ekeler (36.7, Sparky), RB Josh Jacobs (36.5, Alec)
Waiver Wonders: WR Tyler Boyd (29.5), QB Daniel Jones (28.78), WR Mecole Hardman (28)
Benchwarmers of the Week: WR JuJu Smith-Schuster (25.4, Hoefs), WR D.J. Moore (19.6, Hoefs), WR Chris Olave (17.6, Sparky)
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David Becker/Associated Press
Hero of the Week: RB Josh Jacobs (Tax Paying Homeowner) |
Upcoming Week 8 Schedule: WRBL & NFL
Sparky v. Alec
Cole v. Brett
Nick v. Andy
Gabe v. Hoefs
THURSDAY @ 7:15 PM CT: Baltimore @ Tampa Bay
Sunday @ 8:30 AM CT: Denver v. Jacksonville IN LONDON
Noon CT: Arizona @ Minnesota
Las Vegas @ New Orleans
Miami @ Detroit
Chicago @ Dallas
Pittsburgh @ Philadelphia
New England @ NY Jets
Atlanta @ Carolina
3:05 PM CT: Tennessee @ Houston
3:25 PM CT: San Francisco @ LA Rams
NY Giants @ Seattle
Washington @ Indianapolis
SNF @ 7:20 PM CT: Green Bay @ Buffalo
MNF @ 7:15 PM CT: Cincinnati @ Cleveland
BYES: Kansas City Chiefs, Los Angeles Chargers
Scoring Leaders
QB
Josh Allen 172.9 (Cole)
Patrick Mahomes 169.56 (Sparky)
Lamar Jackson 156.88 (Nick)
Jalen Hurts 121.14 (Brett)
Kyler Murray 97.62 (Hoefs)
Russell Wilson 88.38 (Gabe)
Trevor Lawrence 59.6 (Andy)
Justin Herbert 41.38 (Brett)
Tom Brady 39.52 (Andy/Hoefs)
Tua Tagovailoa 15.94 (Cole)
Geno Smith 13.1 (Gabe)
Dak Prescott 12.28 (Hoefs)
Jimmy Garoppolo 8.44 (Andy)
RB
Austin Ekeler 174.7 (Sparky)
Saquon Barkley 141.6 (Cole)
Josh Jacobs 125.1 (Alec)
Leonard Fournette 118.1 (Nick)Christian McCaffrey 118 (Andy)
Derrick Henry 109.7 (Andy)
Aaron Jones 108.8 (Brett)
Nick Chubb 90.1 (Gabe)
Dalvin Cook 87 (Nick)
Breece Hall 86.9 (Brett/Cole)
Joe Mixon 79.5 (Gabe)
Jonathan Taylor 65.7 (Gabe)
David Montgomery 64.1 (Alec)
Najee Harris 55 (Nick)
Alvin Kamara 50.8 (Sparky)
D'Andre Swift 50.8 (Hoefs)
Kenneth Walker 47.8 (Andy)
Ezekiel Elliott 44 (Andy/Nick)
Antonio Gibson 43.1 (Gabe)
Javonte Williams 42 (Cole)
Dameon Pierce 36 (Andy)Jeff Wilson Jr. 34.1 (Hoefs)
James Robinson 29.4 (Hoefs)
Miles Sanders 28 (Cole/Brett)
Raheem Mostert 26.7 (Hoefs)
Kareem Hunt 26.3 (Brett)
Rhamondre Stevenson 23.8 (Cole)
Eno Benjamin 23.3 (Hoefs)
Clyde Edwards-Helaire 22.3 (Sparky)
Melvin Gordon 20.4 (Cole)
Tony Pollard 12.9 (Hoefs)
Khalil Herbert 11.1 (Alec)
James Conner 7.1 (Nick)
Jamaal Williams 5.6 (Nick)
Elijah Mitchell 4.1 (Hoefs)
J.K. Dobbins 1.5 (Alec)
Rashaad Penny 1.5 (Hoefs)
Kenyan Drake 0.8 (Sparky)
WR
Stefon Diggs 150.6 (Cole)
Cooper Kupp 148.8 (Hoefs)
Tyreek Hill 148.1 (Gabe)
Ja'Marr Chase 141.7 (Brett)
Justin Jefferson 132.62 (Alec)
Davante Adams 117.9 (Brett)
Deebo Samuel 100.5 (Alec)
CeeDee Lamb 98 (Hoefs)
Mike Evans 96.4 (Andy)
Jaylen Waddle 96.4 (Cole)
Michael Pittman Jr. 95.5 (Sparky)
A.J. Brown 95.3 (Nick)
Courtland Sutton 85.9 (Gabe)
Terry McLaurin 84.8 (Alec)
Marquise Brown 82.4 (Andy)
Mike Williams 79.2 (Sparky)
Christian Kirk 66.2 (Sparky)
Diontae Johnson 39.9 (Nick)
DeVonta Smith 38.8 (Gabe)
Tee Higgins 38.1 (Sparky)
Brandin Cooks 33.9 (Cole)
Tyler Lockett 33.4 (Andy)
Drake London 32.6 (Brett)
Chris Godwin 23.8 (Hoefs)
D.J. Moore 23.8 (Hoefs)
Amon-Ra St. Brown 20.5 (Nick)
DeAndre Hopkins 20.3 (Andy)
Allen Lazard 17.6 (Cole)
Gabe Davis 16.4 (Nick)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 15.9 (Andy)
Brandon Aiyuk 15.2 (Alec)
DK Metcalf 15.1 (Brett)
Keenan Allen 10.6 (Brett)
Curtis Samuel 10.4 (Hoefs)
Rondale Moore 4.1 (Cole)
TE
Travis Kelce 146.8 (Alec)
Mark Andrews 115.2 (Andy)
T.J. Hockenson 74.6 (Cole)
Dallas Goedert 67.7 (Sparky)
Zach Ertz 58.1 (Brett)
Darren Waller 39.5 (Brett/Nick)
George Kittle 33 (Hoefs)
Tyler Higbee 27.4 (Hoefs)
Kyle Pitts 25 (Gabe)
Dalton Schultz 24.9 (Nick)
Gerald Everett 20.4 (Gabe)
David Njoku 14.1 (Sparky)
Dawson Knox 12.7 (Nick)
Hayden Hurst 5.1 (Cole)
K
Daniel Carlson 72 (Nick/Hoefs)
Justin Tucker 72 (Sparky)
Evan McPherson 59 (Brett)
Brandon McManus 57 (Alec)
Ryan Succop 51 (Andy)
Tyler Bass 48 (Cole)
Jason Myers 29 (Nick)
Graham Gano 25 (Hoefs)
Matt Gay 22 (Hoefs)
Jake Elliott 16 (Gabe)
Younghoe Koo 10 (Gabe)
Harrison Butker 9 (Gabe)
Rodrigo Blankenship 8 (Andy)
Brett Maher 6 (Cole)
DF
Dallas Cowboys 75 (Brett)
Buffalo Bills 63 (Sparky)
San Francisco 49ers 61 (Gabe)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 52 (Alec)
Denver Broncos 40 (Cole)
Green Bay Packers 30 (Hoefs)
Baltimore Ravens 29 (Nick)
Los Angeles Rams 26 (Andy)
Tennessee Titans 18 (Sparky)
Miami Dolphins 10 (Nick)
Los Angeles Chargers 7 (Nick)
Chicago Bears 6 (Cole)
New York Jets 6 (Andy)
New Orleans Saints 6 (Cole)
Indianapolis Colts 5 (Andy)
New England Patriots 5 (Hoefs)
Pittsburgh Steelers 5 (Nick)
Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)
Colieveland 96ers 6-1
The Rule of Law 5-2
Tax Paying Homeowner 4-3
Here Dad Weights 4-3
Kyler's Study Buddies 4-3
Scott's Many Endeavors 2-5
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 2-5
Yeezy Taught Me 1-6
