Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Our eighth official season of blaming Cole Walters for the emergence of another social media service.
Bro...
Will the Alvin Kamara London debacle forever shape the 2022 Bro League? It was only a matter of time before the 8:30 AM CT start for the NFL's London games reared its ugly head and derailed a fantasy lineup. This week, Sparky's week was immeasurably tainted by what New Orleans head coach Dennis Allen and the rest of the Saints' staff did by declaring the former All-Bro Running Back inactive at 7 AM Sparky Time due to a rib injury. Here Dad Weights lost by an insanely close six points (rounded up) and Jaime did the honorable thing by taking the L and not further acknowledging how dirty he was done by the first of a few international games this season. On one hand, Kamara was questionable due to this rib injury throughout the week BUT, we did just see him in week three after missing the previous contest due to injury and the prevailing belief was that he had put this injury in the past perhaps. Ultimately if Sparky would have raised a ruckus on Sunday, would commissioner Zurawski have bent over backwards just to tend to the rookie's needs or would we have just said "Welcome to the big show rookie, that's just the way it is sometimes"? I suppose we'll never know. When asked for comment, Z stated "There can only be one ginger to rule them all. F**k Sparky, next question". It wasn't for lack of drama either as another WRBL rookie Gabe Stoltz ended up eating the W over Sparky's squad with a massive TWENTY point showing by the 49ers defense (including a pick-six) on Monday Night Football, stunning the Rams and Jaime alike.
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Scott Strazzante - San Francisco Chronicle
49ers DB Talanoa Hufanga was the single-handed difference in Stoltz's victory over Here Dad Weights. |
Week 4 was something of a return to normalcy for fantasy football as a whole. The running backs were alive and well, the Chiefs looked awesome and despite protests from 99% of America, Tom Brady is Tom Brady again. I'm sticking to my guns here and keeping Trevor Lawrence for the time being but, I see you Taw-my. If the Jaguars are just the Jaguars again, I may have to "pahk the cah by Havahd Yahd" and renegotiate with the GOAT's agents for a reunion. I'm sure the Patriots wouldn't mind a temporary reunion either with Mac Jones and the man formerly known as Axl Hoyer going out with injuries, leaving the door open for former Western Kentucky Hilltopper Bailey Zappe to send the Patriots-Packers game into overtime. The other quarterback controversy that shifted this week was Pittsburgh benching Mitchell Trubisky (FKA: Mitsubishi) for rookie Kenny Pickett, just in time for the small-handed Pitt first-rounder to face the toughest possible challenge in the Buffalo Bills. With Mercury no longer in gatorade or whatever, I don't foresee the Steelers getting a weird win this week and this might finally be the season we see a sub-.500 Mike Tomlin team after they were upset by the Zach Wilson-led Jets.
Just as we all suspected, Cole Walters is now the TOP DOG of the Bro League at 4-0. The gamble to buy high on RB Saquon Barkley has thus-far paid off, QB Josh Allen is playing like a QB1 (though ranks slightly below Patrick Mahomes in scoring) and TE T.J. Hockenson let the locks flow all the way down the field and into the end zone multiple times for the highest-scoring performance of Week 4 with 39.9 (a season-high among Tight Ends). This week, I will look to vanquish the narrative that Cole is this sudden mastermind and we are just citizens under his rule as my David (like the guy that has Derrick Henry, Christian McCaffrey, Mark Andrews and Mike Evans can call himself "David") faces his Goliath, that has a two-game lead early on in the Steven Nett Division. Cole's most recent casualty, Nick Zurawski will be looking to rebound from his first sub-100 point week with a lighter opponent in the tragedy that is Hoefs' 0-4 Yeezy Taught Me. I'm surprised with a team name like that, Hoefs hasn't made any outrageous trades or ban-worthy statements to this point amidst a tailspin as the league's lone winless owner.
Alec is now leading the Shooter McGavin Division (where he's the only 3-1 among all the other 2-2s) after beating Hoefs and is desperately seeking an RB2 to show up to help him separate from the rest of his division. For the time being, the Tax Paying Homeowner has relied on homerism paying off with -insert Bears RB here- and maybe the patience for J.K. Dobbins is finally ready to pay off. This week, Alec faces 2-2 Stoltz as the Electric Orcas look to keep the Steven Nett Division anywhere near competitive. Also, Sparky versus Brett... hopefully there aren't any surprise inactives as both owners look to prove their worth. The season is young but, odds are that in a league where 50% of teams meet postseason eligibility and 37.5% of the league's teams are new... at least ONE of these new guys is going to the playoffs and it may not seem like much now but, the wildcard race will help be defined by weeks and matches like this. Steven Nett Division
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 4-0 W4 (587.48)
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 2-2 W1 (482.2)
Here Dad Weights (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 1-3 L2 (484.94)
Yeezy Taught Me (Nathaniel Hoefs) 0-4 L4 (459.54)
Shooter McGavin Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 3-1 W1 (519.46)
Kyler's Study Buddies (Brett Weinfurter) 2-2 L1 (506.84)
Scott's Many Endeavors (Nick Zurawski) 2-2 L1 (475.32)
The Rule of Law (Andy Todd) 2-2 W2 (470.88)
Week Four Final Scores
GABE defeats SPARKY 126.78-120.86
ANDY defeats BRETT 130.86-118.26
COLE defeats NICK 133.12-92.56
ALEC defeats HOEFS 155.08-114.28
Heroes of the Week: TE T.J. Hockenson (39.9, Cole), RB Austin Ekeler (34.9, Sparky), RB Josh Jacobs (34.5, Alec)
Waiver Wonders: QB Jared Goff (33.22), QB Geno Smith (31.7), TE Mo Alie-Cox (26.5)
Benchwarmers of the Week: RB Miles Sanders (29.6, Cole), RB Rashaad Penny (28.7, Hoefs), RB Dameon Pierce (25.9, Andy)
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Ryan Sun
Hero of the Week: TE T.J. Hockenson (Colieveland 96ers) |
Upcoming Week 5 Schedule: WRBL & NFL
Cole v. Andy
Gabe v. Alec
Hoefs v. Nick
Brett v. Sparky
THURSDAY @ 7:15 PM CT: Indianapolis @ Denver
SUNDAY @ 8:30 AM CT: NY Giants vs. Green Bay in LONDON
Noon CT: Pittsburgh @ Buffalo
LA Chargers @ Cleveland
Detroit @ New England
Atlanta @ Tampa Bay
Seattle @ New Orleans
Tennessee @ Washington
Miami @ NY Jets
Chicago @ Minnesota
Houston @ Jacksonville
3:05 PM CT: San Francisco @ Carolina
3:25 PM CT: Philadelphia @ Arizona
Dallas @ LA Rams
SNF @ 7:20 PM CT: Cincinnati @ Baltimore
MNF @ 7:15 PM CT: Las Vegas @ Kansas City
Scoring Leaders
QB
Lamar Jackson 115.32 (Nick)
Josh Allen 111.38 (Cole)
Patrick Mahomes 92.64 (Sparky)
Kyler Murray 82.74 (Hoefs)
Jalen Hurts 76.58 (Brett)
Russell Wilson 65.4 (Gabe)
Justin Herbert 23.26 (Brett)
Tom Brady 19.78 (Andy)
Jimmy Garoppolo 8.44 (Andy)
Trevor Lawrence 5.66 (Andy)
RB
Saquon Barkley 86 (Cole)
Austin Ekeler 77.8 (Sparky)
Christian McCaffrey 71.8 (Andy)
Derrick Henry 65.7 (Andy)
Aaron Jones 62.8 (Brett)
Josh Jacobs 58.3 (Alec)
Leonard Fournette 55.5 (Nick)
D'Andre Swift 50.8 (Hoefs)
Jonathan Taylor 50.2 (Gabe)
Dalvin Cook 45.6 (Nick)
Antonio Gibson 43.1 (Gabe)
Javonte Williams 42 (Cole)
Nick Chubb 38 (Gabe)
Joe Mixon 32.8 (Gabe)
Najee Harris 31.1 (Nick)
Ezekiel Elliott 26.3 (Andy)
Breece Hall 25.9 (Brett)
David Montgomery 24.7 (Alec)
James Robinson 23.5 (Hoefs)
Kareem Hunt 18.5 (Brett)
Clyde Edwards-Helaire 15.8 (Sparky)
Alvin Kamara 14.9 (Sparky)
Jeff Wilson Jr. 13.4 (Hoefs)
Khalil Herbert 11.1 (Alec)
James Conner 7.1 (Nick)
Melvin Gordon 6.3 (Cole)
Miles Sanders 5.4 (Cole)
Elijah Mitchell 4.1 (Hoefs)
Rashaad Penny 1.5 (Hoefs)
Kenyan Drake 0.8 (Sparky)
WR
Cooper Kupp 106.2 (Hoefs)
Stefon Diggs 95.6 (Cole)
Tyreek Hill 91.2 (Gabe)
Justin Jefferson 85.6 (Alec)
Jaylen Waddle 78.3 (Cole)
Davante Adams 73 (Brett)
A.J. Brown 71.4 (Nick)
Courtland Sutton 64.8 (Gabe)
Ja'Marr Chase 64.5 (Brett)
CeeDee Lamb 64.4 (Hoefs)
Deebo Samuel 63.9 (Alec)
Mike Evans 57.5 (Andy)
Christian Kirk 53.3 (Sparky)
Marquise Brown 48.8 (Andy)
Michael Pittman Jr. 48.4 (Sparky)
Terry McLaurin 45.7 (Alec)
Brandin Cooks 33.9 (Cole)
Mike Williams 30.5 (Sparky)
Diontae Johnson 30.4 (Nick)
Tyler Lockett 29.7 (Andy)
Tee Higgins 23.8 (Sparky)
D.J. Moore 23.8 (Hoefs)
Drake London 18.1 (Brett)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 15.9 (Andy)
Amon-Ra St. Brown 13.3 (Nick)
Keenan Allen 10.6 (Brett)
Curtis Samuel 7.8 (Hoefs)
DK Metcalf 7.5 (Brett)
DeVonta Smith 4.7 (Gabe)
TE
Travis Kelce 78.3 (Alec)
Mark Andrews 68.3 (Andy)
T.J. Hockenson 64.2 (Cole)
Dallas Goedert 46 (Sparky)
Darren Waller 39.5 (Brett/Nick)
Zach Ertz 27.2 (Brett)
Kyle Pitts 25 (Gabe)
Dalton Schultz 15 (Nick)
Tyler Higbee 14.1 (Hoefs)
George Kittle 11.2 (Hoefs)
K
Daniel Carlson 46 (Nick)
Evan McPherson 40 (Brett)
Justin Tucker 36 (Sparky)
Tyler Bass 35 (Cole)
Brandon McManus 31 (Alec)
Ryan Succop 26 (Andy)
Matt Gay 22 (Hoefs)
Jake Elliott 16 (Gabe)
Harrison Butker 9 (Gabe)
Graham Gano 9 (Hoefs)
Rodrigo Blankenship 8 (Andy)
DF
Buffalo Bills 45 (Sparky)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 43 (Alec)
San Francisco 49ers 42 (Gabe)
Dallas Cowboys 30 (Brett)
Baltimore Ravens 29 (Nick)
Green Bay Packers 25 (Hoefs)
Denver Broncos 23 (Cole)
Los Angeles Rams 14 (Andy)
New Orleans Saints 6 (Cole)
Indianapolis Colts 5 (Andy)
Pittsburgh Steelers 5 (Nick)
Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)
Colieveland 96ers 4-0
Kyler's Study Buddies 3-1
Tax Paying Homeowner 2-2
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 2-2
The Rule of Law 2-2
Here Dad Weights 1-3
Scott's Many Endeavors 1-3
Yeezy Taught Me 1-3
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