WRBL Week 3, 2016

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 3
Our 3rd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for FIVE losing records.

Current Standings
Earn Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 3-0 W4
Team Zurawski (Nick Zurawski 1-2 W1
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 1-2 L2
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 1-2 L1

Paper Boi Division
In DeAngelo I Trust (Scott Aschebrook) 2-1 W1
TyRod Henke (Andy Todd) 2-1 W2
The Alec Crushers (Cole Walters) 1-2 L2
Team Swanson (Alec Swanson) 1-2 L1

Week Three Final Scores
ASCHEBROOK JR.  124 WALTERS  98
ZURAWSKI  137 MOON  114
TODD  154 SWANSON  71
ASCHEBROOK SR.  149 SNEEN  107
954

(Andy Lyons/Getty Images)
Hero of the Week: WR T.Y. Hilton (Team Zurawski)

Heroes of the Week: DF Kansas City Chiefs (Moon), WR T.Y. Hilton (Zurawski), RB Devonta Freeman (Aschebrook Sr.)

Zeroes of the Week: WR Kelvin Benjamin (Swanson), TE Rob Gronkowski (Zurawski), Owner Evan Moon (Moon)

Carlos Gonzalez/Star Tribune
Zero of the Week: WR Kelvin Benjamin (Team Swanson)

Upcoming Week 4 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Team ChowHounds vs. In DeAngelo I Trust

The Alec Crushers vs. SNEEN MACHINE

Team Swanson vs. Team Moon

TyRod Henke vs. Team Zurawski

BYE WEEKS: Green Bay Packers & Philadelphia Eagles

Thursday Game: Miami @ Cincinnati 7:25 PM

London Game: Indianapolis vs. Jacksonville 8:30 AM

Sunday: Tennessee @ Houston NOON

Cleveland @ Washington NOON

Seattle @ NY Jets NOON

Buffalo @ New England NOON

Carolina @ Atlanta NOON

Oakland @ Baltimore NOON

Detroit @ Chicago NOON

Denver @ Tampa Bay 3:05

Los Angeles @ Arizona 3:25

New Orleans @ San Diego 3:25

Dallas @ San Francisco 3:25

Kansas City @ Pittsburgh 7:30

Monday: NY Giants @ Minnesota 7:30

Bro...

Some sports weekends are awful just because the games are boring or poorly played and your fantasy team disappoints. It's in those moments that the following fantasy win or entertaining sporting event makes a fan feel a heightened appreciation for sports in general. No amount of prior sport enjoyment prepared me for this past weekend. 

Two weekends ago, my father wanted to be in attendance for some Billy Joel/Elton John cover singer concert and it sounded like something I might enjoy so he asked me if I wanted to go with since he wasn't sure whether or not he could convince my mother to go with him. I responded "Maaaan... I'd love to but, the MLB.tv free game of the day is Clayton Kershaw versus Jose Fernandez and there are very few events in the world that would convince me to not watch that.". Of course, the hype for seeing Clayton Kershaw return after two months on the disabled list was the driving force behind my decision to stay home that night but, the added bonus of being able to watch Jose Fernandez was something I would not pass up on either. 

The ace of the Miami Marlins' ace visibly enjoyed his time on the mound, as he always did, and had the quietest fourteen strikeouts I've ever seen (Granted, I was paying closer attention to how conservative the Dodgers' approach was with a very shaky Kershaw that night). The fourteen strikeouts weren't a big deal at the time because Fernandez did that all the time as he is a perennial Cy Young candidate. The game also happened to take place at Marlins Park, his home stadium and a place that Fernandez went 29-2 with a 1.49 ERA and just in general kicked ass at being a baseball player that inspired so many. (Example #1) (Example #2) (Example #3) (Example #4: Asks crying child for their autograph). That was his third-to-last start. Fernandez died this weekend at the age of 24.

RIP Jose Fernandez 1992-2016

Growing up watching golf sporadically for the past two decades, the most dominant golfer that I have ever seen is Tiger Woods. In his prime, everybody rooted for Tiger Woods whether it was for his backstory growing up in the sport or the fact that he was so fun to watch win. Nobody has inspired more kids to turn to golf in this era of young, dominant golfers than Woods. From the 1950's through the 1970's, nobody did more for the sport of golf than Arnold Palmer. He made golf a sport that people tuned into on their televisions when televised golf was in it's baby stages. Palmer was the third-richest athlete post-retirement (behind Michael Jordan & David Beckham) based on endorsements and earnings made throughout a wildly successful career. With all due respect to Woods and Jack Nicklaus, it seems like no golfer was ever easier to root for than Arnold Palmer because there was no more fan or media accessible golfer in the history of the sport than the man with the drink named after himself. Even though I never met the man (though I do know a bunch of people who have on separate occasions) nor saw him golf in his prime, I always make sure to tune in for every major where he, Nicklaus and Gary Player tee off as the three legends of the sport. It's something everyone should have seen at least once and truly appreciated. Palmer died Sunday evening at the age of 87.

Curtis Compton/Associated Press
RIP Arnold Palmer 1929-2016

The old saying about how "bad news always comes in threes" certainly held true this weekend as my aunt Linda passed at the age of 66. None of you likely know her but, she shares a common interest with plenty of you (I assume) in that she was a major Wisconsin-specific sports fan and would call my dad or I at least once per week (many times more than once) to discuss the topics of the week that only Wisconsin sports fanatics care about ("Are the Badgers this good or is Akron that bad?"). The one odd story that I have about her involves my e-mail address.

It was 15 years ago when the internet was fairly new to our household and we (my parents & I) wanted to enter some contest that everyone who applied needed to have a Yahoo! e-mail and be of age (18+). Unfortunately, I was obviously not 18 yet (I was like 7) and my dad called up my aunt (mom's side) Linda so that they could use her name for my entry into this contest (Again, I have no recollection of what the contest was or why I needed to falsify my identity as a woman 45 years my senior. Just Andy Todd things I guess). Linda gave my dad permission over the phone to enter said competition and we did not win but, I kept the e-mail for more than a decade because I was too lazy to change it and I had already started fantasy sports leagues and following other things for e-mails and notifications under the andyboomer95 (Linda Frost) account. It's a weird memory but, considering how long I used this account, it stuck with me as just another example of her being willing to do anything for family, especially the children of the family.

If you need any examples for how awesome, unbelievable, poetically beautiful or unpredictable sports can be, Linda's Badgers won this weekend, Linda's Packers won and Linda's Brewers likely won the last game she was able to watch as she watched them every night. As for Jose Fernandez's former team? this all actually happened. 

Sports.

Scoring Leaders
QB
Drew Brees 69 (TODD)
Aaron Rodgers 64 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Cam Newton 61 (ASCHEBROOK)
Ben Roethlisberger 47 (SWANSON)
Carson Palmer 45 (MOON)
Matthew Stafford 40 (WALTERS)
Kirk Cousins 27 (ZURAWSKI)

Russell Wilson 24 (SNEEN)

Eli Manning 12 (SNEEN)

Philip Rivers 11 (ZURAWSKI)

Blake Bortles 10 (WALTERS)

RB
DeAngelo Williams 64 (ASCHEBROOK)
David Johnson 63 (ZURAWSKI)
LeSean McCoy 54 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
C.J. Anderson 50 (WALTERS)
Devonta Freeman 48 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ezekiel Elliott 44 (MOON)
Latavius Murray 44 (SWANSON)

Lamar Miller 40 (SNEEN)

Mark Ingram 39 (ASCHEBROOK)

Matt Forte 38 (SWANSON)

Todd Gurley 33 (TODD)

DeMarco Murray 26 (ASCHEBROOK)

Ameer Abdullah 25 (TODD)
Danny Woodhead 25 (ZURAWSKI)

Eddie Lacy 24 (MOON)

Christine Michael 24 (SNEEN)

Charles Sims 23 (ZURAWSKI)

Carlos Hyde 22 (SWANSON)

Melvin Gordon 17 (WALTERS)

Frank Gore 15 (ZURAWSKI)

Spencer Ware 15 (TODD)

Doug Martin 14 (WALTERS)
Theo Riddick 9 (SNEEN)
Jeremy Langford 7 (WALTERS)
Adrian Peterson 6 (MOON)
Giovani Bernard 4 (SNEEN)

WR
Mike Evans 68 (ASCHEBROOK)
Antonio Brown 65 (WALTERS)
Larry Fitzgerald 61 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jarvis Landry 59 (TODD)

Brandin Cooks 49 (WALTERS)
DeAndre Hopkins 49 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Odell Beckham Jr. 46 (SNEEN)
Allen Robinson 45 (SWANSON)
Demaryius Thomas 44 (MOON)

Amari Cooper 43 (MOON)

Jordy Nelson 43 (TODD)
A.J. Green 41 (SWANSON)
Alshon Jeffery 40 (SWANSON)

Eric Decker 39 (SNEEN)

Julio Jones 39 (ASCHEBROOK)

T.Y. Hilton 31 (ZURAWSKI)

Jeremy Maclin 29 (ASCHEBROOK)
DeSean Jackson 27 (ZURAWSKI)
Brandon Marshall 22 (ZURAWSKI)
Donte Moncrief 19 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Willie Snead 16 (SNEEN)
Dez Bryant 14 (SNEEN)
Golden Tate 14 (WALTERS)
Keenan Allen 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Randall Cobb 12 (TODD)
Sammy Watkins 12 (ZURAWSKI)

Travis Benjamin 10 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Stefon Diggs 8 (TODD)

Julian Edelman 8 (WALTERS)

Emmanuel Sanders 6 (TODD)

TE
Greg Olsen 49 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Travis Kelce 41 (WALTERS)

Jordan Reed 34 (SNEEN)

Julius Thomas 31 (MOON)
Delanie Walker 27 (TODD)

Hunter Henry 10 (TODD)

Dennis Pitta 10 (ASCHEBROOK)

Eric Ebron 9 (SWANSON)
Jason Witten 8 (ASCHEBROOK)
Zach Miller 7 (ZURAWSKI)

Martellus Bennett 3 (SWANSON)

Jared Cook 1 (ASCHEBROOK)

K
Justin Tucker 41 (MOON)
Dan Bailey 33 (WALTERS)
Adam Vinatieri 31 (ZURAWSKI)
Graham Gano 30 (SWANSON)
Stephen Gostkowski 29 (SNEEN)
Mason Crosby 22 (ASCHEBROOK)
Steven Hauschka 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Brandon McManus 22 (TODD)

DF
Minnesota Vikings 46 (TODD)
Denver Broncos 37 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Kansas City Chiefs 37 (MOON)

Houston Texans 28 (WALTERS)
Carolina Panthers 26 (SWANSON)
Seattle Seahawks 24 (ASCHEBROOK)
Green Bay Packers 16 (SNEEN)

Cincinnati Bengals 13 (ZURAWSKI)

Philadelphia Eagles 12 (TODD)

Hypothetical Standings
Team ChowHounds 3-0
In DeAngelo I Trust 3-0
Team Swanson 2-1
TyRod Henke 1-2
The Alec Crushers 1-2

Team Zurawski 1-2

SNEEN MACHINE 1-2
Team Moon 0-3

WRBL Week 2, 2016

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 2
Our 3rd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for Brad Pitt's infidelities.

Current Standings
Kornheiser Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 2-0 W3
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 1-1 L1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 1-1 W1
Team Zurawski (Nick Zurawski 0-2 L3

Wilbon Division
The Alec Crushers (Cole Walters) 1-1 L1
Team Swanson (Alec Swanson) 1-1 W1
In DeAngelo I Trust (Scott Aschebrook) 1-1 L1
TyRod Henke (Andy Todd) 1-1 W1

Week Two Final Scores
SWANSON  138 ASCHEBROOK JR.  129
TODD  106 WALTERS  94
ASCHEBROOK SR.  131 MOON  105
SNEEN  115 ZURAWSKI  86
904

Brett Carlsen/Getty Images
Hero of the Week: RB Matt Forte (Team Swanson)

Heroes of the Week: RB Matt Forte (Swanson), QB Cam Newton (Aschebrook Jr.), WR DeAndre Hopkins (Aschebrook Sr.)

Zeroes of the Week: The Ryan Brothers, Seattle's Offensive Line, The Running Back Injury Gods

Zeroes of the Week: The Ryan Brothers (Buffalo Bills)

Upcoming Week 3 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

SNEEN MACHINE vs. Team ChowHounds

The Alec Crushers vs. In DeAngelo I Trust

Team Swanson vs. TyRod Henke

Team Moon vs. Team Zurawski

Thursday Game: Houston @ New England 7:25 PM

Sunday: Arizona @ Buffalo NOON

Oakland @ Tennessee NOON

Cleveland @ Miami NOON

Baltimore @ Jacksonville NOON

Detroit @ Green Bay NOON

Denver @ Cincinnati NOON

Minnesota @ Carolina NOON

Washington @ NY Giants NOON

Los Angeles @ Tampa Bay 3:05

San Francisco @ Seattle 3:05

NY Jets @ Kansas City 3:25

San Diego @ Indianapolis 3:25

Pittsburgh @ Philadelphia 3:25

Chicago @ Dallas 7:30

Monday: Atlanta @ New Orleans 7:30

Bro...

Ahh yes, week 2 (AKA: The ugly redheaded stepchild of week 1). Remember how predictable Week 1 was? Yeah, that was a world in which Blaine Gabbert wasn't the active consecutive games with a TD pass leader (12!). Remember how Keenan Allen was the lone major injury fantasy owners had to worry about? Well hello again, impatience for MRI results. Remember when Robert Griffin III was Cleveland's starting quarterback? Yeah, that was two quarterbacks ago. Remember how Fargo had zero Emmys? Oh wait... that one is still the case. Every year week one is overwhelming and filled with knee-jerk reactions when really, the smart move is to wait until week two to overreact/panic when there are patterns established like the death of Green Bay's offense and the continued foolishness of the Los Angeles Rams' offense. Don't get me wrong, these are still major rushes to judgement but, at least it's understandable why one might be concerned about for instance, Seattle's inability to move the ball thanks to the worst offensive line in a league of miserable offensive line play.

The wildness of week two and the injuries that dominated headlines clearly affected the WRBL this week as there were 91 fewer points scored in total than last week. I myself scored 21 fewer points this week and went from losing last weekend to defeating Cole Walters thanks to the Philadelphia Eagles defense and the fact that I gave Cole Antonio Brown for a cheeseburger. Who's to say he wouldn't have taken another superstar receiver (think Julio Jones, Odell Beckham Jr. or DeAndre Hopkins) that had better results this week instead of Todd Gurley and won had I taken Brown first overall? The other closely fought matchup this week featured another strong showing from two early season powerhouses as Alec rode former-Bear Matt Forte's three touchdowns and Alshon "No, my name is" Jeffery's 14-point Monday night performance to a well-earned victory over Scott's "In DeAngelo I Trust" team. DeAngelo Williams (22 points) did come through for Aschebrook Jr. in a strong way but, Mark Ingram was a disappointment again and benching Arizona's defense for Seattle's defense proved costly, which is why it is so tough to own two defenses in a league like this where every roster spot truly counts. All is not perfect in Alecland though as five of his nine starters from week two are now listed as "questionable" (isn't fantasy football fun that way sometimes?). Nick did put in an active tight end this week and Zach Miller wasn't a complete disaster (7 points). The problem is that Nick trusted the San Diego Chargers (something he will probably never do again) at this year's draft and picked up Keenan Allen in the 4th (went on IR last week), Danny Woodhead in the 8th (went on IR THIS week) and Philip Rivers off waivers (the lone Charger remaining). The Woodhead injury is a heartbreaker as he has to be THE player with the biggest difference in standard league value and PPR value. Last season, Woodhead single-handedly won games for an otherwise zombified Team Tiffany. Z will surely be picking up one of the many now-attractive RBs on the market as an injury replacement. Sneen walked away with the victory over Zurawski and a 1-1 Team Moon is now down their first round pick and a game within his own division after losing to Team ChowHounds despite more mediocre performances from Aaron Rodgers and Devonta Freeman.

In the NFL this week, the Jets-Bills game looked like the polar opposite of a 2015 Jets-Bills game (No defense, all offense). The 0-2 Bills then proceeded to fire offensive coordinator Greg Roman after TWO GAMES because this way, the Bills front office won't fire Rex Ryan in season because who would they replace him with? Rex Ryan? Exactly. Both may have had something when they first became defensive coordinators but, their act went stale quickly and Buffalo is headed for another depressing season after more poor investments. On Sunday, the noon slate was stacked full of one-score deficits and the most hyped game of the weekend from a fantasy standpoint (Saints-Giants) ended up being close (Giants win by 3) and still majorly disappointing every fantasy owner (final score: 16-13). This is why I don't gamble... often... on the NFC East. Speaking of the NFC East, the Washington team is now 0-2 and fingers are already reportedly pointing at Kirk Cousins to blame so, that's a trainwreck. The good news is that the Cowboys are 1-1 and kind of fun to watch now with an all-rookie backfield. The NFC East is just stacked with unlikable and/or dull teams every year and it's nice to see a couple of rookie quarterbacks in Dak Prescott and Carson Wentz beat up veteran teams every now and then. The Browns gave up 25 unanswered points in a 20-25 loss to Baltimore, the Patriots are now 2-0 without Tom Brady (and potentially Jimmy Garoppolo) and Cincinnati suffered an ugly defeat in the rain to the rival Steelers who also sit at 2-0 now. Moving on to Sunday night, There will be plenty of hot takes about this week's Packers-Vikings result but, I'm just glad that Sam Bradford isn't going to turn into Karl from Workaholics for at least a few more years. 

LITERALLY Sam Bradford in an alternate universe.

Week 3 will see a bunch of new starting running backs thanks to the mass exodus of fantasy-relevant players at the position via injury in week 2's action (Adrian Peterson, Ameer Abdullah, Thomas Rawls, Doug Martin, Jonathan Stewart, Arian Foster, Danny Woodhead and Rashad Jennings). Along with the Charles Sims' of the world, there will also be two new starting quarterbacks (Cody Kessler and Jacoby Brissett) thanks to injuries and suspensions plus, Donte Moncrief, Brandon Marshall, Doug Baldwin, Jay Cutler and Bronco linebacker DeMarcus Ware all went down with week-to-week injuries. You know conditions are harsh when Sam Bradford's weird hand thing still makes him the healthiest player on the Minnesota Vikings' roster. 

I thought he was just hulking out and his performance backs up this theory.

The Thursday night game features players like Julian Edelman, Lamar Miller, DeAndre Hopkins, Will Fuller and Martellus Bennett so, prepare your rosters accordingly. The noon games have another battle between playoff favorites as Cincinnati tries to end Trevor Siemian's undefeated start, a game where the Vikings defense REALLY gets tested against Cam Newton and a duel of the disappointing 0-2 Jaguars and the sleeper 2-0 Ravens. Late in the afternoon, San Francisco and Seattle get to re-spark their rivalry as Russell Wilson is still a bit dinged up and San Francisco's offense is also somewhere between awful and mediocre at the moment. The potentially Brian Hoyer-led Bears face the Dak Prescott-led Cowboys on Sunday Night Football and Atlanta heads to New Orleans as the Saints try and recreate the magic of their first home game post-Hurricane Katrina ten years ago. The waiver wire is lit again and the players are dropping like flies. It's the end of the world as we know it and Michael Stipe feels fine so, as long as everyone stays relatively healthy this week, we will all be shiny, happy people feeling glad.

BREAKING NEWS: Browns rookie WR Corey Coleman has broken his hand in practice as I was typing. This is the saddest injury of them all because this dude looked incredible through two games and at least with him in the lineup, Kessler had some chance of surviving despite starting too soon. Now? This team is a bigger disaster than I could have imagined them being after the latest rebuild.

Scoring Leaders
QB
Cam Newton 49 (ASCHEBROOK)
Drew Brees 44 (TODD)
Carson Palmer 42 (MOON)
Ben Roethlisberger 41 (SWANSON)
Matthew Stafford 40 (WALTERS)
Aaron Rodgers 38 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Kirk Cousins 27 (ZURAWSKI)
Eli Manning 12 (SNEEN)
Russell Wilson 11 (SNEEN)

RB
DeAngelo Williams 56 (ASCHEBROOK)
C.J. Anderson 46 (WALTERS)
David Johnson 38 (ZURAWSKI)
Latavius Murray 34 (SWANSON)
Matt Forte 30 (SWANSON)
LeSean McCoy 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ezekiel Elliott 26 (MOON)
Lamar Miller 26 (SNEEN)
Ameer Abdullah 25 (TODD)
Danny Woodhead 25 (ZURAWSKI)
Carlos Hyde 22 (SWANSON)
Devonta Freeman 17 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Mark Ingram 17 (ASCHEBROOK)
Doug Martin 14 (WALTERS)
Eddie Lacy 13 (MOON)
Todd Gurley 12 (TODD)
Theo Riddick 9 (SNEEN)
Spencer Ware 9 (TODD)
Jeremy Langford 7 (WALTERS)
Adrian Peterson 6 (MOON)
Giovani Bernard 4 (SNEEN)

WR
Larry Fitzgerald 48 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Brandin Cooks 46 (WALTERS)
A.J. Green 41 (SWANSON)
DeAndre Hopkins 40 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Antonio Brown 39 (WALTERS)
Mike Evans 39 (ASCHEBROOK)
Julio Jones 37 (ASCHEBROOK)
Eric Decker 35 (SNEEN)
Amari Cooper 33 (MOON)
Jarvis Landry 33 (TODD)
Jeremy Maclin 29 (ASCHEBROOK)
Alshon Jeffery 28 (SWANSON)
Odell Beckham Jr. 27 (SNEEN)
Demaryius Thomas 24 (MOON)
Brandon Marshall 22 (ZURAWSKI)
Allen Robinson 21 (SWANSON)
Donte Moncrief 19 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Willie Snead 16 (SNEEN)
Jordy Nelson 15 (TODD)
Golden Tate 14 (WALTERS)
Keenan Allen 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Randall Cobb 12 (TODD)
Sammy Watkins 12 (ZURAWSKI)
DeSean Jackson 7 (ZURAWSKI)
Emmanuel Sanders 6 (TODD)
Dez Bryant 1 (SNEEN)

TE
Greg Olsen 37 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Julius Thomas 28 (MOON)
Delanie Walker 27 (TODD)
Jordan Reed 25 (SNEEN)
Travis Kelce 21 (WALTERS)
Eric Ebron 9 (SWANSON)
Jason Witten 8 (ASCHEBROOK)
Zach Miller 7 (ZURAWSKI)
Jared Cook 1 (ASCHEBROOK)

K
Dan Bailey 26 (WALTERS)
Graham Gano 26 (SWANSON)
Justin Tucker 24 (MOON)
Adam Vinatieri 23 (ZURAWSKI)
Stephen Gostkowski 20 (SNEEN)
Brandon McManus 17 (TODD)
Mason Crosby 11 (ASCHEBROOK)
Steven Hauschka 9 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

DF
Denver Broncos 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Houston Texans 25 (WALTERS)
Carolina Panthers 22 (SWANSON)
Minnesota Vikings 21 (TODD)
Seattle Seahawks 20 (ASCHEBROOK)
Green Bay Packers 14 (SNEEN)
Philadelphia Eagles 12 (TODD)
Cincinnati Bengals 9 (ZURAWSKI)
Kansas City Chiefs 5 (MOON)

Hypothetical Standings
Team Swanson 2-0
In DeAngelo I Trust 2-0
Team ChowHounds 2-0
The Alec Crushers 1-1
SNEEN MACHINE 1-1
TyRod Henke 0-2
Team Moon 0-2
Team Zurawski 0-2

WRBL Week 1, 2016

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 1
Our 3rd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for the ending of the movie, Titanic

Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks) 
Le'Veon Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 1-0 W2
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 1-0 W9
Team Zurawski (Nick Zurawski) 0-1 L2
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 0-1 L1

DeAngelo Division
The Alec Crushers (Cole Walters) 1-0 W1
In DeAngelo I Trust (Scott Aschebrook) 1-0 W1
Team Swanson (Alec Swanson) 0-1 L3
TyRod Henke (Andy Todd) 0-1 L1

Week One Final Scores
ASCHEBROOK SR.  133 ZURAWSKI  96
ASCHEBROOK JR.  138 TODD  127
MOON  96 SNEEN  85
WALTERS  184 SWANSON  136

Hero of the Week: RB DeAngelo Williams (In DeAngelo I Trust)

Heroes of the Week: WR A.J. Green (Swanson), RB DeAngelo Williams (Aschebrook Jr.), WR Brandin Cooks (Walters)

Zeroes of the Week: DF Kansas City Chiefs (Moon), Owner Nick Zurawski (Zurawski), TE Gary Barnidge (Swanson)

Denny Medley/USA TODAY SportsZero of the Week: DF Kansas City Chiefs (Team Moon)

Upcoming Week 2 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Team ChowHounds vs. Team Moon
In DeAngelo I Trust vs. Team Swanson
The Alec Crushers vs. TyRod Henke
SNEEN MACHINE vs. Team Zurawski

Thursday Game: NY Jets @ Buffalo 7:25 PM
Sunday: Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh NOON
Tennessee @ Detroit NOON
Baltimore @ Cleveland NOON
Dallas @ Washington NOON
New Orleans @ NY Giants NOON
San Francisco @ Carolina NOON
Miami @ New England NOON
Houston @ Kansas City NOON
Seattle @ Los Angeles 3:05
Tampa Bay @ Arizona 3:05
Jacksonville @ San Diego 3:25
Atlanta @ Oakland 3:25
Indianapolis @ Denver 3:25
Green Bay @ Minnesota 7:30
Monday: Philadelphia @ Chicago 7:30

Bro...
It has been eight and a half months since the epic finale between Sneen and I ended with a Todd Gurley touchdown run eventually putting my name onto the league trophy across from (or under, we'll figure it out once it's actually engraved) Nick Zurawski's 2014 team. In those eight and a half months much has happened including the introductions of players like Carson Wentz and Ezekiel Elliott, the goodbyes to players like Peyton Manning and Calvin Johnson and most importantly, the 3rd semi-annual Bro League Draft sponsored by Buffalo Wild Wings at... you guessed it... Buffalo Wild Wings. The trophy was there for it all and as the random draft order determined, I (Andy Todd) landed the #1 overall pick. Of course with the pressure of winning the championship off my shoulders for a year, I played mind games with the entire table, throwing Antonio Brown onto the trading block before the draft even began but, nobody was biting. Ultimately, I decided that Julio was a wonderful piece of 2015 champions Spider 2 Y Banana but, forget him because Kyle Shanahan. Also, Antonio Brown was ridiculously fun to root for and watch when I owned him in 2014 on the long-forgotten SpottieOttieToddalicious but, that team did not even qualify for the playoffs. So, I decided that I'd take loyalty to the man that ultimately clinched my title over the safety of the obvious PPR #1 choice (Brown) and the sexy on-the-rise choice (DeAndre Hopkins) and I selected Todd Gurley #1 overall. #YODO (You Only Draft Once). I don't even want this trophy anymore and here's why...

The trophy is legit cursed now. I had 10 mice in my living room in a span of 14 days. Nothing like that has ever happened before. Nobody should want this. I'm also balding now and my plane crashed in South America, where I contracted the Zika Virus. Luckily, the Shelby protected me and I was the lone survivor from said crash but still, I could've done without the five days of eating human flesh just to survive (see: the absence of Josh Tiffany). Speaking of wanting things, this league is already infuriating for me because it's such a small league that free agency is packed with players I want/NEED to roster and yet, there is not a single player worth cutting. I can already tell that the waiver wire is going to be hell this year with plenty of #2 running backs and sneaky valuable QBs available. 

Speaking of Tiffany's absence, We did lose two owners this year and it was sad to part with Alex Silka but, we are definitely open to bringing him back next year or in week four when Cole ultimately rage-quits after his first injury. Cole nearly quit right out of the gate this year as there was a bet at the draft stating that if Alec defeated Cole this week, the owner of "The Alec Crushers" would forever retire from the fake sport of Fantasy Football. I don't know what Alec's end of the deal was and frankly, he doesn't deserve too harsh a punishment as Cole's team was just THAT awesome this opening weekend. Every one of Walters' starters scored in the double digits and his team set a new Bro League record for points in a week with 184 (previous high was 181, Week 9 in 2015 by Sneen Machine). In another blowout of a match, Aschebrook Sr. beat a dazed and confused Team Zurawski as Nick rediscovered that Kirk Cousins is a joke while Sammy Watkins and Keenan Allen re-injured themselves (Watkins week-to-week, Allen out for the season) and for some reason, an inactive Rob Gronkowski was in his lineup, giving Nick his first ever Zero of the Week award. Despite a nice Monday night effort from Jordan Reed, Sneen Machine still lost in the battle of the two lowest scorers to Team Moon. Moon winning with Adrian Peterson being rendered completely useless this week and a scoreless defense should terrify the league as once those two are hitting on all cylinders, Moon will start racking up deserved wins and it will be spooky. Headed into the Monday Night Football doubleheader, my team was still known as the "Golden Tate Warriors" (overused, needed to switch it up anyway) and delivered on that team name by basically blowing a 3-1 lead by watching DeAngelo Williams drop 34 points. Once I realized that the deficit had changed from +18 in my favor to -16 in Scott's favor, I knew I was just doing what Golden State had done in the 2016 NBA Finals which was lose a huge lead and needed to alter my fate by changing my team name to "TyRod Henke" but, it was too late. 2016 is definitely not 2015 and the standings are certainly showing that so far.

Reason #875 why everyone needs a creative team name.

Week 1 overreactions are easy, week 2 overreactions are even more fun as some have actual value to them while others turn out to be totally bogus. Having acknowledged this, I'm not going to touch on much of the NFL action that happened this weekend but, there are still a few things that feel necessary to point out.

1. Cleveland WAS the worst team playing on Sunday and RG3 is never going to happen.
2. Dak Prescott will have training wheels on for a few weeks until Jerry Jones sees that Dallas is sub-.500 and tells him to go hog-wild.
3. Denver and Minnesota have very good defenses. Some might overreact and say the best but, this is week one and I am not going to do that just yet.
4. The Chargers keep finding fun ways to lose and the clock is ticking on Mike McCoy.
5. No pre-game anthem protest could ever be as insulting to America as the decision to put Rams-49ers on national broadcast. It was the second-worst MNF game ever (behind Giants-Vikings, 2013. AKA: The Josh Freeman game).

St. Louis sends their regards.

Trade made prior to Week 1: Cole traded RB Mark Ingram to Scott for RB C.J. Anderson.

2016 Scoring Leaders
QB
Drew Brees 30 (TODD)
Matthew Stafford 25 (WALTERS)
Aaron Rodgers 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ben Roethlisberger 22 (SWANSON)
Cam Newton 20 (ASCHEBROOK)
Carson Palmer 18 (MOON)
Russell Wilson 11 (SNEEN)
Kirk Cousins 9 (ZURAWSKI)

RB
DeAngelo Williams 34 (ASCHEBROOK)
C.J. Anderson 29 (WALTERS)
Ameer Abdullah 22 (TODD)
Carlos Hyde 22 (SWANSON)
David Johnson 22 (ZURAWSKI)
Danny Woodhead 22 (ZURAWSKI)
LeSean McCoy 16 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Lamar Miller 15 (SNEEN)
Doug Martin 14 (WALTERS)
Latavius Murray 13 (SWANSON)
Ezekiel Elliott 12 (MOON)
Mark Ingram 9 (ASCHEBROOK)
Devonta Freeman 8 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Eddie Lacy 8 (MOON)
Todd Gurley 5 (TODD)
Giovani Bernard 4 (SNEEN)
Adrian Peterson 3 (MOON)

WR
A.J. Green 36 (SWANSON)
Brandin Cooks 33 (WALTERS)
Antonio Brown 32 (WALTERS)
Larry Fitzgerald 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Amari Cooper 21 (MOON)
Mike Evans 20 (ASCHEBROOK)
Donte Moncrief 18 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jeremy Maclin 17 (ASCHEBROOK)
DeAndre Hopkins 16 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Julio Jones 16 (ASCHEBROOK)
Jordy Nelson 15 (TODD)
Alshon Jeffery 14 (SWANSON)
Allen Robinson 13 (SWANSON)
Keenan Allen 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Randall Cobb 12 (TODD)
Jarvis Landry 12 (TODD)
Odell Beckham Jr. 11 (SNEEN)
Eric Decker 11 (SNEEN)
Golden Tate 11 (WALTERS)
Demaryius Thomas 8 (MOON)
Sammy Watkins 8 (ZURAWSKI)
Brandon Marshall 6 (ZURAWSKI)
Dez Bryant 1 (SNEEN)

TE
Julius Thomas 17 (MOON)
Greg Olsen 14 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Travis Kelce 13 (WALTERS)
Jordan Reed 13 (SNEEN)
Delanie Walker 7 (TODD)
Jared Cook 1 (ASCHEBROOK)

K
Dan Bailey 17 (WALTERS)
Stephen Gostkowski 14 (SNEEN)
Adam Vinatieri 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Mason Crosby 9 (ASCHEBROOK)
Justin Tucker 9 (MOON)
Graham Gano 8 (SWANSON)
Steven Hauschka 6 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Brandon McManus 3 (TODD)

DF
Minnesota Vikings 21 (TODD)
Seattle Seahawks 12 (ASCHEBROOK)
Houston Texans 10 (WALTERS)
Carolina Panthers 8 (SWANSON)
Cincinnati Bengals 5 (ZURAWSKI)
Denver Broncos 5 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Green Bay Packers 5 (SNEEN)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 teams in scoring win each week)
The Alec Crushers 1-0
In DeAngelo I Trust 1-0
Team Swanson 1-0
Team ChowHounds 1-0
TyRod Henke 0-1
Team Moon 0-1
Team Zurawski 0-1
SNEEN MACHINE 0-1