Week 2
Our 3rd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for Brad Pitt's infidelities.
Current Standings
Kornheiser Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 2-0 W3
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 1-1 L1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 1-1 W1
Team Zurawski (Nick Zurawski 0-2 L3
Wilbon Division
The Alec Crushers (Cole Walters) 1-1 L1
Team Swanson (Alec Swanson) 1-1 W1
In DeAngelo I Trust (Scott Aschebrook) 1-1 L1
TyRod Henke (Andy Todd) 1-1 W1
Week Two Final Scores
SWANSON 138 ASCHEBROOK JR. 129
TODD 106 WALTERS 94
ASCHEBROOK SR. 131 MOON 105
SNEEN 115 ZURAWSKI 86
904
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| Brett Carlsen/Getty Images Hero of the Week: RB Matt Forte (Team Swanson) |
Zeroes of the Week: The Ryan Brothers, Seattle's Offensive Line, The Running Back Injury Gods
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| Zeroes of the Week: The Ryan Brothers (Buffalo Bills) |
Upcoming Week 3 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
SNEEN MACHINE vs. Team ChowHounds
The Alec Crushers vs. In DeAngelo I Trust
Team Swanson vs. TyRod Henke
Team Moon vs. Team Zurawski
Thursday Game: Houston @ New England 7:25 PM
Sunday: Arizona @ Buffalo NOON
Oakland @ Tennessee NOON
Cleveland @ Miami NOON
Baltimore @ Jacksonville NOON
Detroit @ Green Bay NOON
Denver @ Cincinnati NOON
Minnesota @ Carolina NOON
Washington @ NY Giants NOON
Los Angeles @ Tampa Bay 3:05
San Francisco @ Seattle 3:05
NY Jets @ Kansas City 3:25
San Diego @ Indianapolis 3:25
Pittsburgh @ Philadelphia 3:25
Chicago @ Dallas 7:30
Monday: Atlanta @ New Orleans 7:30
Bro...
Ahh yes, week 2 (AKA: The ugly redheaded stepchild of week 1). Remember how predictable Week 1 was? Yeah, that was a world in which Blaine Gabbert wasn't the active consecutive games with a TD pass leader (12!). Remember how Keenan Allen was the lone major injury fantasy owners had to worry about? Well hello again, impatience for MRI results. Remember when Robert Griffin III was Cleveland's starting quarterback? Yeah, that was two quarterbacks ago. Remember how Fargo had zero Emmys? Oh wait... that one is still the case. Every year week one is overwhelming and filled with knee-jerk reactions when really, the smart move is to wait until week two to overreact/panic when there are patterns established like the death of Green Bay's offense and the continued foolishness of the Los Angeles Rams' offense. Don't get me wrong, these are still major rushes to judgement but, at least it's understandable why one might be concerned about for instance, Seattle's inability to move the ball thanks to the worst offensive line in a league of miserable offensive line play.
The wildness of week two and the injuries that dominated headlines clearly affected the WRBL this week as there were 91 fewer points scored in total than last week. I myself scored 21 fewer points this week and went from losing last weekend to defeating Cole Walters thanks to the Philadelphia Eagles defense and the fact that I gave Cole Antonio Brown for a cheeseburger. Who's to say he wouldn't have taken another superstar receiver (think Julio Jones, Odell Beckham Jr. or DeAndre Hopkins) that had better results this week instead of Todd Gurley and won had I taken Brown first overall? The other closely fought matchup this week featured another strong showing from two early season powerhouses as Alec rode former-Bear Matt Forte's three touchdowns and Alshon "No, my name is" Jeffery's 14-point Monday night performance to a well-earned victory over Scott's "In DeAngelo I Trust" team. DeAngelo Williams (22 points) did come through for Aschebrook Jr. in a strong way but, Mark Ingram was a disappointment again and benching Arizona's defense for Seattle's defense proved costly, which is why it is so tough to own two defenses in a league like this where every roster spot truly counts. All is not perfect in Alecland though as five of his nine starters from week two are now listed as "questionable" (isn't fantasy football fun that way sometimes?). Nick did put in an active tight end this week and Zach Miller wasn't a complete disaster (7 points). The problem is that Nick trusted the San Diego Chargers (something he will probably never do again) at this year's draft and picked up Keenan Allen in the 4th (went on IR last week), Danny Woodhead in the 8th (went on IR THIS week) and Philip Rivers off waivers (the lone Charger remaining). The Woodhead injury is a heartbreaker as he has to be THE player with the biggest difference in standard league value and PPR value. Last season, Woodhead single-handedly won games for an otherwise zombified Team Tiffany. Z will surely be picking up one of the many now-attractive RBs on the market as an injury replacement. Sneen walked away with the victory over Zurawski and a 1-1 Team Moon is now down their first round pick and a game within his own division after losing to Team ChowHounds despite more mediocre performances from Aaron Rodgers and Devonta Freeman.
In the NFL this week, the Jets-Bills game looked like the polar opposite of a 2015 Jets-Bills game (No defense, all offense). The 0-2 Bills then proceeded to fire offensive coordinator Greg Roman after TWO GAMES because this way, the Bills front office won't fire Rex Ryan in season because who would they replace him with? Rex Ryan? Exactly. Both may have had something when they first became defensive coordinators but, their act went stale quickly and Buffalo is headed for another depressing season after more poor investments. On Sunday, the noon slate was stacked full of one-score deficits and the most hyped game of the weekend from a fantasy standpoint (Saints-Giants) ended up being close (Giants win by 3) and still majorly disappointing every fantasy owner (final score: 16-13). This is why I don't gamble... often... on the NFC East. Speaking of the NFC East, the Washington team is now 0-2 and fingers are already reportedly pointing at Kirk Cousins to blame so, that's a trainwreck. The good news is that the Cowboys are 1-1 and kind of fun to watch now with an all-rookie backfield. The NFC East is just stacked with unlikable and/or dull teams every year and it's nice to see a couple of rookie quarterbacks in Dak Prescott and Carson Wentz beat up veteran teams every now and then. The Browns gave up 25 unanswered points in a 20-25 loss to Baltimore, the Patriots are now 2-0 without Tom Brady (and potentially Jimmy Garoppolo) and Cincinnati suffered an ugly defeat in the rain to the rival Steelers who also sit at 2-0 now. Moving on to Sunday night, There will be plenty of hot takes about this week's Packers-Vikings result but, I'm just glad that Sam Bradford isn't going to turn into Karl from Workaholics for at least a few more years.
Week 3 will see a bunch of new starting running backs thanks to the mass exodus of fantasy-relevant players at the position via injury in week 2's action (Adrian Peterson, Ameer Abdullah, Thomas Rawls, Doug Martin, Jonathan Stewart, Arian Foster, Danny Woodhead and Rashad Jennings). Along with the Charles Sims' of the world, there will also be two new starting quarterbacks (Cody Kessler and Jacoby Brissett) thanks to injuries and suspensions plus, Donte Moncrief, Brandon Marshall, Doug Baldwin, Jay Cutler and Bronco linebacker DeMarcus Ware all went down with week-to-week injuries. You know conditions are harsh when Sam Bradford's weird hand thing still makes him the healthiest player on the Minnesota Vikings' roster.
The Thursday night game features players like Julian Edelman, Lamar Miller, DeAndre Hopkins, Will Fuller and Martellus Bennett so, prepare your rosters accordingly. The noon games have another battle between playoff favorites as Cincinnati tries to end Trevor Siemian's undefeated start, a game where the Vikings defense REALLY gets tested against Cam Newton and a duel of the disappointing 0-2 Jaguars and the sleeper 2-0 Ravens. Late in the afternoon, San Francisco and Seattle get to re-spark their rivalry as Russell Wilson is still a bit dinged up and San Francisco's offense is also somewhere between awful and mediocre at the moment. The potentially Brian Hoyer-led Bears face the Dak Prescott-led Cowboys on Sunday Night Football and Atlanta heads to New Orleans as the Saints try and recreate the magic of their first home game post-Hurricane Katrina ten years ago. The waiver wire is lit again and the players are dropping like flies. It's the end of the world as we know it and Michael Stipe feels fine so, as long as everyone stays relatively healthy this week, we will all be shiny, happy people feeling glad.
BREAKING NEWS: Browns rookie WR Corey Coleman has broken his hand in practice as I was typing. This is the saddest injury of them all because this dude looked incredible through two games and at least with him in the lineup, Kessler had some chance of surviving despite starting too soon. Now? This team is a bigger disaster than I could have imagined them being after the latest rebuild.
Scoring Leaders
QB
Cam Newton 49 (ASCHEBROOK)
Drew Brees 44 (TODD)
Carson Palmer 42 (MOON)
Ben Roethlisberger 41 (SWANSON)
Matthew Stafford 40 (WALTERS)
Aaron Rodgers 38 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Kirk Cousins 27 (ZURAWSKI)
Eli Manning 12 (SNEEN)
Russell Wilson 11 (SNEEN)
RB
DeAngelo Williams 56 (ASCHEBROOK)
C.J. Anderson 46 (WALTERS)
David Johnson 38 (ZURAWSKI)
Latavius Murray 34 (SWANSON)
Matt Forte 30 (SWANSON)
LeSean McCoy 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ezekiel Elliott 26 (MOON)
Lamar Miller 26 (SNEEN)
Ameer Abdullah 25 (TODD)
Danny Woodhead 25 (ZURAWSKI)
Carlos Hyde 22 (SWANSON)
Devonta Freeman 17 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Mark Ingram 17 (ASCHEBROOK)
Doug Martin 14 (WALTERS)
Eddie Lacy 13 (MOON)
Todd Gurley 12 (TODD)
Theo Riddick 9 (SNEEN)
Spencer Ware 9 (TODD)
Jeremy Langford 7 (WALTERS)
Adrian Peterson 6 (MOON)
Giovani Bernard 4 (SNEEN)
WR
Larry Fitzgerald 48 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Brandin Cooks 46 (WALTERS)
A.J. Green 41 (SWANSON)
DeAndre Hopkins 40 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Antonio Brown 39 (WALTERS)
Mike Evans 39 (ASCHEBROOK)
Julio Jones 37 (ASCHEBROOK)
Eric Decker 35 (SNEEN)
Amari Cooper 33 (MOON)
Jarvis Landry 33 (TODD)
Jeremy Maclin 29 (ASCHEBROOK)
Alshon Jeffery 28 (SWANSON)
Odell Beckham Jr. 27 (SNEEN)
Demaryius Thomas 24 (MOON)
Brandon Marshall 22 (ZURAWSKI)
Allen Robinson 21 (SWANSON)
Donte Moncrief 19 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Willie Snead 16 (SNEEN)
Jordy Nelson 15 (TODD)
Golden Tate 14 (WALTERS)
Keenan Allen 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Randall Cobb 12 (TODD)
Sammy Watkins 12 (ZURAWSKI)
DeSean Jackson 7 (ZURAWSKI)
Emmanuel Sanders 6 (TODD)
Dez Bryant 1 (SNEEN)
TE
Greg Olsen 37 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Julius Thomas 28 (MOON)
Delanie Walker 27 (TODD)
Jordan Reed 25 (SNEEN)
Travis Kelce 21 (WALTERS)
Eric Ebron 9 (SWANSON)
Jason Witten 8 (ASCHEBROOK)
Zach Miller 7 (ZURAWSKI)
Jared Cook 1 (ASCHEBROOK)
K
Dan Bailey 26 (WALTERS)
Graham Gano 26 (SWANSON)
Justin Tucker 24 (MOON)
Adam Vinatieri 23 (ZURAWSKI)
Stephen Gostkowski 20 (SNEEN)
Brandon McManus 17 (TODD)
Mason Crosby 11 (ASCHEBROOK)
Steven Hauschka 9 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
DF
Denver Broncos 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Houston Texans 25 (WALTERS)
Carolina Panthers 22 (SWANSON)
Minnesota Vikings 21 (TODD)
Seattle Seahawks 20 (ASCHEBROOK)
Green Bay Packers 14 (SNEEN)
Philadelphia Eagles 12 (TODD)
Cincinnati Bengals 9 (ZURAWSKI)
Kansas City Chiefs 5 (MOON)
Hypothetical Standings
Team Swanson 2-0
In DeAngelo I Trust 2-0
Team ChowHounds 2-0
The Alec Crushers 1-1
SNEEN MACHINE 1-1
TyRod Henke 0-2
Team Moon 0-2
Team Zurawski 0-2
The wildness of week two and the injuries that dominated headlines clearly affected the WRBL this week as there were 91 fewer points scored in total than last week. I myself scored 21 fewer points this week and went from losing last weekend to defeating Cole Walters thanks to the Philadelphia Eagles defense and the fact that I gave Cole Antonio Brown for a cheeseburger. Who's to say he wouldn't have taken another superstar receiver (think Julio Jones, Odell Beckham Jr. or DeAndre Hopkins) that had better results this week instead of Todd Gurley and won had I taken Brown first overall? The other closely fought matchup this week featured another strong showing from two early season powerhouses as Alec rode former-Bear Matt Forte's three touchdowns and Alshon "No, my name is" Jeffery's 14-point Monday night performance to a well-earned victory over Scott's "In DeAngelo I Trust" team. DeAngelo Williams (22 points) did come through for Aschebrook Jr. in a strong way but, Mark Ingram was a disappointment again and benching Arizona's defense for Seattle's defense proved costly, which is why it is so tough to own two defenses in a league like this where every roster spot truly counts. All is not perfect in Alecland though as five of his nine starters from week two are now listed as "questionable" (isn't fantasy football fun that way sometimes?). Nick did put in an active tight end this week and Zach Miller wasn't a complete disaster (7 points). The problem is that Nick trusted the San Diego Chargers (something he will probably never do again) at this year's draft and picked up Keenan Allen in the 4th (went on IR last week), Danny Woodhead in the 8th (went on IR THIS week) and Philip Rivers off waivers (the lone Charger remaining). The Woodhead injury is a heartbreaker as he has to be THE player with the biggest difference in standard league value and PPR value. Last season, Woodhead single-handedly won games for an otherwise zombified Team Tiffany. Z will surely be picking up one of the many now-attractive RBs on the market as an injury replacement. Sneen walked away with the victory over Zurawski and a 1-1 Team Moon is now down their first round pick and a game within his own division after losing to Team ChowHounds despite more mediocre performances from Aaron Rodgers and Devonta Freeman.
In the NFL this week, the Jets-Bills game looked like the polar opposite of a 2015 Jets-Bills game (No defense, all offense). The 0-2 Bills then proceeded to fire offensive coordinator Greg Roman after TWO GAMES because this way, the Bills front office won't fire Rex Ryan in season because who would they replace him with? Rex Ryan? Exactly. Both may have had something when they first became defensive coordinators but, their act went stale quickly and Buffalo is headed for another depressing season after more poor investments. On Sunday, the noon slate was stacked full of one-score deficits and the most hyped game of the weekend from a fantasy standpoint (Saints-Giants) ended up being close (Giants win by 3) and still majorly disappointing every fantasy owner (final score: 16-13). This is why I don't gamble... often... on the NFC East. Speaking of the NFC East, the Washington team is now 0-2 and fingers are already reportedly pointing at Kirk Cousins to blame so, that's a trainwreck. The good news is that the Cowboys are 1-1 and kind of fun to watch now with an all-rookie backfield. The NFC East is just stacked with unlikable and/or dull teams every year and it's nice to see a couple of rookie quarterbacks in Dak Prescott and Carson Wentz beat up veteran teams every now and then. The Browns gave up 25 unanswered points in a 20-25 loss to Baltimore, the Patriots are now 2-0 without Tom Brady (and potentially Jimmy Garoppolo) and Cincinnati suffered an ugly defeat in the rain to the rival Steelers who also sit at 2-0 now. Moving on to Sunday night, There will be plenty of hot takes about this week's Packers-Vikings result but, I'm just glad that Sam Bradford isn't going to turn into Karl from Workaholics for at least a few more years.
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| LITERALLY Sam Bradford in an alternate universe. |
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| I thought he was just hulking out and his performance backs up this theory. |
BREAKING NEWS: Browns rookie WR Corey Coleman has broken his hand in practice as I was typing. This is the saddest injury of them all because this dude looked incredible through two games and at least with him in the lineup, Kessler had some chance of surviving despite starting too soon. Now? This team is a bigger disaster than I could have imagined them being after the latest rebuild.
Scoring Leaders
QB
Cam Newton 49 (ASCHEBROOK)
Drew Brees 44 (TODD)
Carson Palmer 42 (MOON)
Ben Roethlisberger 41 (SWANSON)
Matthew Stafford 40 (WALTERS)
Aaron Rodgers 38 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Kirk Cousins 27 (ZURAWSKI)
Eli Manning 12 (SNEEN)
Russell Wilson 11 (SNEEN)
RB
DeAngelo Williams 56 (ASCHEBROOK)
C.J. Anderson 46 (WALTERS)
David Johnson 38 (ZURAWSKI)
Latavius Murray 34 (SWANSON)
Matt Forte 30 (SWANSON)
LeSean McCoy 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ezekiel Elliott 26 (MOON)
Lamar Miller 26 (SNEEN)
Ameer Abdullah 25 (TODD)
Danny Woodhead 25 (ZURAWSKI)
Carlos Hyde 22 (SWANSON)
Devonta Freeman 17 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Mark Ingram 17 (ASCHEBROOK)
Doug Martin 14 (WALTERS)
Eddie Lacy 13 (MOON)
Todd Gurley 12 (TODD)
Theo Riddick 9 (SNEEN)
Spencer Ware 9 (TODD)
Jeremy Langford 7 (WALTERS)
Adrian Peterson 6 (MOON)
Giovani Bernard 4 (SNEEN)
WR
Larry Fitzgerald 48 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Brandin Cooks 46 (WALTERS)
A.J. Green 41 (SWANSON)
DeAndre Hopkins 40 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Antonio Brown 39 (WALTERS)
Mike Evans 39 (ASCHEBROOK)
Julio Jones 37 (ASCHEBROOK)
Eric Decker 35 (SNEEN)
Amari Cooper 33 (MOON)
Jarvis Landry 33 (TODD)
Jeremy Maclin 29 (ASCHEBROOK)
Alshon Jeffery 28 (SWANSON)
Odell Beckham Jr. 27 (SNEEN)
Demaryius Thomas 24 (MOON)
Brandon Marshall 22 (ZURAWSKI)
Allen Robinson 21 (SWANSON)
Donte Moncrief 19 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Willie Snead 16 (SNEEN)
Jordy Nelson 15 (TODD)
Golden Tate 14 (WALTERS)
Keenan Allen 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Randall Cobb 12 (TODD)
Sammy Watkins 12 (ZURAWSKI)
DeSean Jackson 7 (ZURAWSKI)
Emmanuel Sanders 6 (TODD)
Dez Bryant 1 (SNEEN)
TE
Greg Olsen 37 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Julius Thomas 28 (MOON)
Delanie Walker 27 (TODD)
Jordan Reed 25 (SNEEN)
Travis Kelce 21 (WALTERS)
Eric Ebron 9 (SWANSON)
Jason Witten 8 (ASCHEBROOK)
Zach Miller 7 (ZURAWSKI)
Jared Cook 1 (ASCHEBROOK)
K
Dan Bailey 26 (WALTERS)
Graham Gano 26 (SWANSON)
Justin Tucker 24 (MOON)
Adam Vinatieri 23 (ZURAWSKI)
Stephen Gostkowski 20 (SNEEN)
Brandon McManus 17 (TODD)
Mason Crosby 11 (ASCHEBROOK)
Steven Hauschka 9 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
DF
Denver Broncos 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Houston Texans 25 (WALTERS)
Carolina Panthers 22 (SWANSON)
Minnesota Vikings 21 (TODD)
Seattle Seahawks 20 (ASCHEBROOK)
Green Bay Packers 14 (SNEEN)
Philadelphia Eagles 12 (TODD)
Cincinnati Bengals 9 (ZURAWSKI)
Kansas City Chiefs 5 (MOON)
Hypothetical Standings
Team Swanson 2-0
In DeAngelo I Trust 2-0
Team ChowHounds 2-0
The Alec Crushers 1-1
SNEEN MACHINE 1-1
TyRod Henke 0-2
Team Moon 0-2
Team Zurawski 0-2
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