As The WRBL Turns, S03 E12

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 12
Our 3rd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for the lack of streaming Tight End options this season.

Current Standings
Bo Levi Mitchell Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 8-4 L3
Moon's Microdongs (Nick Zurawski) 8-4 L1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 6-6 W3
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 1-11 L11

Henry Burriss Division

Bought Not Built (Scott Aschebrook) 9-3 W4

TyRod Henke (Andy Todd) 6-6 W1

Fuck The Playoff System (Cole Walters) 6-6 W1

Team Swanson (Alec Swanson) 4-8 L1

Week Twelve Final Scores

WALTERS  135 ASCHEBROOK SR.  125
ASCHEBROOK JR.  161 ZURAWSKI  115
TODD  109 MOON  95
SNEEN  154 SWANSON  97

991

(AP/Michael Ainsworth)
Hero of the Week: TE Jordan Reed (Sneen Machine)

Heroes of the Week: WR Antonio Brown (Walters), TE Jordan Reed (Sneen), WR Mike Evans (Aschebrook Jr.)

Zeroes of the Week: TE Antonio Gates (Zurawski), WR Brandin Cooks (Walters), K Adam Vinatieri (Zurawski)

David Grunfeld - NOLA.com
Zero of the Week: WR Brandin Cooks (Fuck The Playoff System)

Upcoming Week 13 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

SNEEN MACHINE vs. TyRod Henke

Moon's Microdongs vs. Fuck The Playoff System

Team ChowHounds vs. Team Swanson

Team Moon vs. Bought Not Built

Final 2 Bye Week Teams: Cleveland and Tennessee

Thursday: Dallas @ Minnesota 7:25 PM

Sunday: Kansas City @ Atlanta NOON

Detroit @ New Orleans NOON

Los Angeles @ New England NOON

Denver @ Jacksonville NOON

Houston @ Green Bay NOON

Philadelphia @ Cincinnati NOON

Miami @ Baltimore NOON

San Francisco @ Chicago NOON

Buffalo @ Oakland 3:05 PM

NY Giants @ Pittsburgh 3:25 PM

Washington @ Arizona 3:25 PM

Tampa Bay @ San Diego 3:25 PM

Carolina @ Seattle 7:30 PM

Monday: Indianapolis @ NY Jets 7:30 PM

Bro...

When Cole Walters went into Monday night up by 13 with only Davante Adams to counter Team ChowHounds' Aaron Rodgers and Mason Crosby, it was seen as very possible and with about a 55% likelihood (totally making up that number) that Cole was staring at a 5-7 record with Sneen and I playing for the fourth seed this week. Aaron Rodgers had other plans for both Cole and Scott's dad. The Green Bay quarterback led one of the most sufficient offensive attacks they've had all season and it was entirely reliant on the usual pinpoint accuracy of Rodgers plus the sudden-miracle hands of none other than Fuck The Playoff System's Davante Adams. The deficit at the beginning of the night was +13 Cole and the deficit at the end of the night and week was +10 Cole. This has created a cluster of fun and drama around the final playoff spot with no signs of being solved before the last possible moment (Week 14). Somehow among the three teams with 8 wins, only one won (congratulations to our hero and cult leader Scott Aschebrook) and among the three mediocre 5-6 teams, everybody won and the strength of schedule looks tougher for the rest of the league. It's too bad we don't have a committee because that wouldn't stir up controversy whatsoever!

I forgot to mention Aaron Rodgers' ice fishing excursion mid-game. Oh well.

Speaking of committees, the NCAA football season turned it up another notch this past weekend with the double overtime Michigan-Ohio State game and with the Ohio State win, the Wolverines should have virtually been eliminated from the college football playoff. Now, if any of the three top four ranked teams that play this weekend lose (Alabama, Clemson, Washington), the committee will likely rely on the winner of the Big Ten Championship to sneak in over Michigan due to a "strong" win while Michigan does not play this weekend. It's all setting up a pretty fun weekend where everybody will be watching the same exact handful of games unlike most weeks when there are college football games on every network at all times until 2 AM. In professional news, Thanksgiving saw two great games end in improved playoff odds for both the now 10-1 Dallas Cowboys and the now 7-4 Detroit Lions and a harder road forward for the 6-4-1 Washington team and the 6-5 Minnesota Vikings. Scott Tolzien was not starter-worthy, Matt Barkley surprisingly was and neither the Colts nor Bears won because why would good things happen to front offices with such weak recent histories? Sunday saw the Raiders beat the Panthers in a Summary of 2016 game and the Falcons beat the Cardinals in another game with similar vibes. The Jets gave the limping Pats a scare and the Chiefs pulled off an incredible last-second OT win over Denver but otherwise, it was a pretty predictable weekend from an NFL standpoint. Sidenote: The NFL's teams are so bad this year that a team that has trailed in all 11 4th quarters they've played (the Lions) are now in first place in the NFC North.

USA TODAY
He didn't have to hit a 62-yarder but, Cairo Santos still won the battle of the kickers Sunday night.

I've pretty much covered all WRBL results up to this point but, just in case it wasn't made clear enough by the won-loss record changes from last week to this week... Cole beat Scott's dad in an upset thanks to Davante Adams turning his career around (how convenient, considering it was only 18 months of my life and a 2nd rounder that I will never get back because of Adams in my TD-only league before I gave up on him for the likes of Ty Montgomery). SNEEN destroyed Swanson with no regards for swan life after Jordan Reed (who I conveniently traded to my opponent in my TD-only league for a conditional 3rd rounder & Jimmy Graham only to lose by 22 points, a margin that would have been +2 in favor of the Todds had the deal not gone through) tore an AC joint in his arm only to return and have his best fantasy week of the season. I half-assed my way to victory over full-ass Team Moon (who conveniently remembered to stick a QB in his lineup for the first time in a month and it was 20 points of big 'ol Ben Rottenburger) and most importantly, Scott's god dream of a dynasty team put up a buck sixty one on Moon's slightly limp Microdongs (115 was only fifth in points this week, good job league!). Despite a loss last week, I moved up to 4th and despite a win this week, I moved down to 5th. CLEARLY the world is conspiring against me and this doesn't have anything to do with my individual points total on a week-to-week basis in comparison to Cole Walters' (last week I led by 14, this week I'm losing by 12).

USA TODAY
Davante Adams is the #2 Green Bay payed Randall Cobb to be.

Enough about me (the man who won the league unofficially in 2013 and officially in '15), this week is filled with intense WRBL action including... Sneen and I in a "loser feels nothing but intense pain and doom after making the finals only a year ago" matchup. Realistically neither of us deserve the final playoff spot based on both points and karmic forces for making the big game last year. The problem with that logic is that constantly-griping Cole Walters and his "Fuck The Playoff System" attitude might actually be allowed into the playoffs with a virtual bye week coming in week 14 (Team Moon) and an upset victory over Nick Zurawski? #Way3Intense5Me. Aschebrook Senior gets a chance to get back on the right path with an easier week versus 4-8 Team Swanson after Darrin has dropped 3 in a row. Also, Scott could set his worst possible lineup and still be the #1 seed since he faces Team Moon. Back to life, back to reality: The Vikings attempt to stay alive in postseason discussions by pulling off the upset of the season over the red-hot Dallas Cowboys, the Rams try to bounce back from covering Brandin Cooks and nobody else to covering Rob Gronkowski or Julian Edelman and nobody else. Now that we know who the respectable teams are (there aren't many), the slate of games on Sunday looks much more worthwhile than previous weeks and that's why I'm surprised that ESPN still has to air Colts-Jets on Monday night (eww). At the end of the week, it will likely come down to either Sneen or I rooting for T.Y. Hilton, Adam Vinatieri and Brandon Marshall having a Monday to remember for Nick, who will likely need a comeback win with only 6/9 players going on Sunday, to defeat the venomous Cole Walters.

Scoring Leaders

QB

Aaron Rodgers 248 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Tom Brady 159 (TODD)

Cam Newton 155 (ASCHEBROOK)

Ben Roethlisberger 139 (SWANSON/MOON)

Drew Brees 105 (TODD)

Carson Palmer 103 (MOON)

Jameis Winston 89 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Dak Prescott 87 (WALTERS)

Philip Rivers 86 (ZURAWSKI)

Russell Wilson 78 (SNEEN)

Matt Ryan 76 (ASCHEBROOK)

Andrew Luck 75 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI)

Marcus Mariota 67 (SNEEN)

Matthew Stafford 65 (WALTERS)

Kirk Cousins 56 (ZURAWSKI)

Blake Bortles 44 (WALTERS)

Eli Manning 29 (SNEEN)

Andy Dalton 15 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Alex Smith 8 (ZURAWSKI)

RB

David Johnson 273 (ZURAWSKI)

DeMarco Murray 197 (ASCHEBROOK)

Le'Veon Bell 189 (ASCHEBROOK)

Melvin Gordon 180 (WALTERS)

LeSean McCoy 168 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Devonta Freeman 166 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Ezekiel Elliott 161 (MOON/ASCHEBROOK)

Lamar Miller 142 (SNEEN)

Todd Gurley 130 (TODD)

Frank Gore 101 (ZURAWSKI)

C.J. Anderson 96 (WALTERS)

Christine Michael 90 (SNEEN)

Matt Forte 89 (SWANSON)

Latavius Murray 86 (SWANSON)

Duke Johnson Jr. 78 (MOON)

Theo Riddick 77 (SNEEN)

Mark Ingram 76 (ASCHEBROOK)

LeGarrette Blount 75 (SWANSON)

Jordan Howard 70 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Spencer Ware 70 (TODD/SWANSON)

DeAngelo Williams 64 (ASCHEBROOK)

Carlos Hyde 63 (SWANSON)

Jay Ajayi 51 (ZURAWSKI)

Isaiah Crowell 47 (WALTERS)

Jonathan Stewart 38 (MOON)

Giovani Bernard 37 (SNEEN)

Doug Martin 35 (WALTERS)

Devontae Booker 30 (TODD)

Jacquizz Rodgers 29 (TODD)

Ameer Abdullah 25 (TODD)

Charles Sims 25 (ZURAWSKI)

Darren Sproles 25 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Danny Woodhead 25 (ZURAWSKI)

Eddie Lacy 24 (MOON)

James White 15 (ASCHEBROOK)

Tevin Coleman 14 (WALTERS)

Ryan Mathews 14 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jamaal Charles 12 (TODD)
Ty Montgomery 11 (TODD)
Matt Asiata 9 (WALTERS)
DeAndre Washington 9 (TODD)

Charcandrick West 9 (ZURAWSKI)
Rashad Jennings 7 (ZURAWSKI)

Jeremy Langford 7 (WALTERS)

Adrian Peterson 6 (MOON)

Jerick McKinnon 5 (SNEEN)
Thomas Rawls 3 (TODD)
Chris Ivory 2 (TODD)

WR

Antonio Brown 237 (WALTERS)

Mike Evans 232 (ASCHEBROOK)

Julio Jones 204 (ASCHEBROOK)

Odell Beckham Jr. 197 (SNEEN)

Larry Fitzgerald 187 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

A.J. Green 167 (SWANSON)

T.Y. Hilton 159 (ZURAWSKI)

Brandin Cooks 157 (WALTERS)

Demaryius Thomas 157 (MOON)

Allen Robinson 144 (SWANSON)

Amari Cooper 142 (MOON)

DeAndre Hopkins 129 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jordy Nelson 126 (TODD)

Jarvis Landry 113 (TODD)

Brandon Marshall 106 (ZURAWSKI)

Dez Bryant 98 (SNEEN)

Alshon Jeffery 89 (SWANSON)

Emmanuel Sanders 79 (TODD/ZURAWSKI)

Willie Snead 75 (SNEEN)

Mike Wallace 73 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Doug Baldwin 71 (MOON)

DeSean Jackson 70 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Julian Edelman 56 (WALTERS/TODD)

Marvin Jones 53 (MOON)

Davante Adams 49 (WALTERS)

Kelvin Benjamin 45 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI)

Steve Smith Sr. 45 (SNEEN)

Eric Decker 39 (SNEEN)

Tyrell Williams 39 (SWANSON)

Randall Cobb 37 (TODD/WALTERS)

Jordan Matthews 37 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Travis Benjamin 36 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jeremy Maclin 36 (ASCHEBROOK)

Michael Crabtree 34 (ASCHEBROOK)

Terrelle Pryor 33 (TODD)

Donte Moncrief 32 (ASCHEBROOK SR./TODD)

Corey Coleman 30 (MOON)

Golden Tate 25 (WALTERS)

Michael Thomas 24 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Stefon Diggs 17 (TODD)

Jamison Crowder 16 (TODD)
Keenan Allen 12 (ZURAWSKI)

Sammy Watkins 12 (ZURAWSKI)

John Brown 10 (SNEEN)

Quincy Enunwa 3 (SWANSON)

Cameron Meredith 2 (TODD)

TE

Greg Olsen 153 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jordan Reed 148 (SNEEN)

Delanie Walker 147 (TODD)

Travis Kelce 140 (WALTERS)

Rob Gronkowski 94 (ZURAWSKI)

Jimmy Graham 68 (ASCHEBROOK)

Martellus Bennett 57 (SWANSON)

Julius Thomas 53 (MOON)

Hunter Henry 51 (TODD/MOON)

Jason Witten 42 (ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS/SWANSON)

Coby Fleener 38 (SNEEN)

Tyler Eifert 35 (ASCHEBROOK)

Antonio Gates 34 (ZURAWSKI)

Eric Ebron 33 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI)

Dennis Pitta 26 (ASCHEBROOK)

Zach Miller 14 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Kyle Rudolph 10 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jared Cook 1 (ASCHEBROOK)

K

Justin Tucker 121 (MOON/ASCHEBROOK)

Adam Vinatieri 103 (ZURAWSKI)
Brandon McManus 91 (TODD)

Stephen Gostkowski 82 (SNEEN)

Mason Crosby 76 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Dan Bailey 60 (WALTERS/SNEEN/TODD)

Matt Bryant 57 (SWANSON/WALTERS)

Matt Prater 52 (WALTERS)

Graham Gano 45 (SWANSON)

Steven Hauschka 42 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Dustin Hopkins 34 (ASCHEBROOK)

Wil Lutz 30 (MOON)

Cairo Santos 13 (SWANSON)

Josh Lambo 7 (WALTERS)

DF

Denver Broncos 110 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Minnesota Vikings 83 (TODD)

Carolina Panthers 72 (SWANSON)

Baltimore Ravens 64 (MOON)

Arizona Cardinals 58 (ASCHEBROOK)

Houston Texans 49 (WALTERS/SNEEN)

New York Giants 49 (ZURAWSKI/SNEEN)

Seattle Seahawks 35 (ASCHEBROOK)

New England Patriots 34 (SNEEN/WALTERS)

Kansas City Chiefs 33 (MOON)

Pittsburgh Steelers 33 (TODD)

Cincinnati Bengals 32 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Green Bay Packers 23 (SNEEN/WALTERS)

Miami Dolphins 22 (WALTERS/ZURAWSKI)

Philadelphia Eagles 21 (TODD)
Chicago Bears 17 (ZURAWSKI/WALTERS)

New York Jets 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Dallas Cowboys 9 (SNEEN)

Tennessee Titans 6 (SWANSON)

Indianapolis Colts 2 (SNEEN)

Hypothetical Standings

Bought Not Built 10-2

Team ChowHounds 9-3

Team Swanson 7-5

Moon's Microdongs 6-6

Fuck The Playoff System 5-7

TyRod Henke 5-7

SNEEN MACHINE 5-7

Team Moon 1-11

Conference Championship Previews + 2016 Heisman/Top 25 Updates

Did rivalry weekend reignite the spark that this college football season needed this weekend? In the case of Ohio State-Michigan, it absolutely did. In the case of every other big-name matchup? Ehh, not so much. "The Game" going to double overtime was easily the greatest game played in this amateur sport all year and since it was so early in the day, everyone else that followed felt underwhelming and FAR less competitive. Take Washington-Washington State for instance... two teams having their best defensive performances in years this season and the classic air raid attack of Mike Leach's offense versus a team filled with skill players that are more talented than some NFL teams (I see you, Chicago Bears). Ultimately, it was not even close after one measly quarter and Washington improved their playoff odds with the blowout victory. Sure, Colorado-Utah was close and the novelty of Alabama-Auburn is still relevant after all these years but, there are just too many rival schools in America that are not even close in terms of talent this season (see: Clemson-South Carolina). Also, it's still Nick Saban's world and we're all just casually losing through it.

Conference Championship Previews
Marathon MAC Championship (7 PM ET, Friday on ESPN2): Western Michigan v. Ohio in Detroit, MI

(Dave Richard/Associated Press)
Western Mich. WR Corey Davis would be a great Heisman Candidate if people actually cared about Bronco football.

Only two teams in college football finished the regular season undefeated. One team was Nick Saban's Death Star that only has a 1% chance of losing and the other was P.J. Fleck's Western Michigan Broncos. The boat rowers have had a ridiculously easy schedule in comparison to the SEC powerhouse but, it still seems like they should be ranked higher than their current status at #21. WMU seems to be thriving thanks to the disrespect shown their way by the CFP committee and with future NFLers at QB (Zach Terrell), RB (Jarvion Franklin) and WR (Corey Davis), it hasn't mattered when their defense has slipped up against Toledo, Kent State and Eastern Michigan. Ohio's offense has nothing to brag about and the Bobcats are completely reliant on their defense, as made evident in last week's 9-3 win over Akron. Senior D-lineman Tarell Basham has the perfect name as he has bashed through every offensive line he's faced this season. Will Basham's ten sack total have a chance at getting higher against tackles Chukwuma Okorafor and Taylor Moton? Probably (#analysis). The real test will be on Zach Terrell and seeing how quick he can release the ball before Ohio's stout defense affects his throws.

My Pick: Western Michigan 24-10

PAC-12 Championship Game (9 PM ET on FOX): Colorado v. Washington in Santa Clara, CA

(David Zalubowski/AP)
After shutting down Utah's passing game, Colorado's defense faces it's toughest challenge yet against Jake Browning and company.

Entering the 2016 season, I was fully on board with Washington being a contender and with QB Jake Browning throwing 40 touchdowns, it's easy to say that the Huskies have exceeded expectations by miles on offense. Most of the national hype surrounding "sleeper team" Washington was focused on how good their defense had been in 2015 and with how great their offense has performed, the defense has stayed true to their potential and is a top 10 defense in college. Colorado has gained momentum ever since QB Sefo Liufau returned from injury in a 40-16 win over Arizona State. Since that game, their offense has had it's flashes of greatness while the defense has been outstanding with CB Tedric Thompson getting hot as of late. Colorado has shut down Stanford 10-5 and UCLA 20-10 and recently brushed aside two #22 teams in Washington State (38-24) and Utah (27-22). This is one of a rare couple conference championships that everyone should absolutely watch.

My Pick: Colorado 19-16

NOTE: Every game listed below takes place on Saturday

AAC Championship (12 PM ET on ABC): Temple v. Navy in Annapolis, MD

Louis DeLuca/AP
If you like an absurd amount of rushing attempts, Temple-Navy is the game for you.

The departure of QB Keenan Reynolds seems have had little to no effect on the Midshipmen's success as Navy will finish the season as the only ranked team in the American Athletic Conference. The Navy offensive line is just that good that they can let Keenan Reynolds set records and follow up that performance with senior QB Will Worth rushing for 25 touchdowns and counting (remember that Army-Navy takes place on December 10th on CBS as the official last game of the regular season). If there is one defense that has a chance at stopping Worth, it is the Owls of Temple. After having immediate success that ended in disappointment last season, Temple dropped their home opener to Army and dropped off of everyone's radar for the 2016 season. As it turns out, Temple's defense is the hottest in the nation as of the last month with 23 total points allowed in their last four games against Cincinnati, Connecticut, Tulane and Eastern Carolina (none of whom are world-beaters this year but still... 23 points TOTAL). The deciding factor on this game will be what iteration of the Owl offense will show up as they have been far more inconsistent than they were a year ago and there are certainly weaknesses in Navy's defense to exploit.

My Pick: Navy 38-17

Conference USA Championship Game (12 PM ET on ESPN): Louisiana Tech v. Western Kentucky in Bowling Green, KY

Martin Conley/The Daily Independent
The Hilltoppers have a chance at redemption after a 52-55 loss at Louisiana Tech in October and the running game (featuring RB Anthony Wales) figures to play a much bigger role than in their original meeting.

I have been so impressed by WKU head coach Jeff Brohm these past few years as he went from being another "Air Raid" offense-running underrated QB-whisperer to an actually great head coach this season as he let the running game loose a bit more on the way to a 9-3 record. After beginning the season 3-3, the Hilltoppers have gone on a six-game winning streak after making some adjustments to their overall strategy. It's only been two years since the most memorable college shootout I've ever seen occurred between Western Kentucky and Marshall and just last week, WKU looked like an SEC team versus Marshall's timid transition squad in a 60-6 victory. This game figures to be another high-scoring affair for both teams as Louisiana Tech rode the arm of Ryan Higgins and the hands of Carlos Henderson to a 55-52 win in which the Bulldogs staved off a comeback attempt by QB Mike White and his favorite wideouts. It could just turn into another passing bonanza but, I'd like to think that both teams are smarter than that and realize that both run defenses can be had as well.

My Pick: Western Kentucky 45-38

SEC Championship Game (4 PM ET on CBS): Alabama v. Florida in Atlanta, Georgia

Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images
RoboSaban consoles his latest victim as he thinks ahead to the SEC Championship game.

Alabama is still undefeated and Florida has 59 points over their last four games. Sure, the Gators have the fifth-best defense in college but, this result seems more obvious than the rest of the conference championships.

My Pick: Alabama 38-6

ACC Championship Game (8 PM ET on ABC): Clemson v. Virginia Tech in Orlando, FL

Steve Helber-AP
If Virginia Tech wants to have any chance in this game, QB Jerod Evans will need to play extremely well.

The Virginia Tech Hokies have one quality win (34-3 over North Carolina) and three losses in total. Their schedule was much weaker than Clemson's and they failed to get anywhere close to the Tigers' success this season. The motivation to win it all is driving Clemson as a loss here would knock them out of the College Football Playoff. This is the final stretch run for pretty much every one of their offensive skill players and they are not going to waste that opportunity. Virginia Tech can put up a good fight on both ends of the ball but, they have yet to face a team like Clemson and that will show on Saturday night.

My Pick: Clemson 49-24

Big Ten Championship Game (8 PM ET on FOX): Wisconsin v. Penn State in Indianapolis, IN

FoxSports
The Watt family continues to make Wisconsin great again with the latest sibling, T.J. dominating.

In a matchup of two teams that are heavily reliant on their running games and defenses, the winner of this game is probably headed to the College Football Playoff barring some questionable judgement on the part of the committee. It's not hard to figure out which team should be favored in this game when looking at how each team competed versus Michigan. Penn State lost 10-49 at "The Big House" while Wisconsin's defense had a far more respectable game in a close 7-14 loss also on the road. Wisconsin's two losses have come by a combined 14 points to teams that are currently still in the CFP and their defense should have no problems against RB Saquon Barkley and will force QB Trace McSorley to air it out more than he is used to. Again, the winner of this game SHOULD go to the playoffs but, if the final is something like 45-42 (highly unlikely), then I'm sure the committee will feel more comfortable with Bama, Clemson, Ohio State and Washington but again.... that's not going to happen.

My Pick: Wisconsin 31-17

Other games (involving ranked teams) taking place on Saturday

12:30 PM ET: (FOX) Oklahoma State @ Oklahoma

3:30 PM ET: (FS1) Baylor @ West Virginia

The AT (Andy Todd) Top 25

#1. Alabama Crimson Tide

#2. Ohio State Buckeyes

#3. Clemson Tigers

#4. Washington Huskies

#5. Wisconsin Badgers

#6. Michigan Wolverines

#7. Oklahoma Sooners

#8. Colorado Buffaloes

#9. Penn State Nittany Lions

#10. Oklahoma State Cowboys

#11. Western Michigan Broncos

#12. West Virginia Moutaineers

#13. USC Trojans

#14. Florida State Seminoles

#15. Florida Gators

#16. Navy Midshipmen

#17. Virginia Tech Hokies

#18. South Florida Bulls

#19. Stanford Cardinal

#20. Louisville Cardinals

#21. Iowa Hawkeyes

#22. Auburn Tigers

#23. LSU Tigers

#24. Boise State Broncos

#25. Nebraska Cornhuskers

Heisman Update

#1. QB Lamar Jackson - Louisville

#2. QB Baker Mayfield - Oklahoma

#3. QB DeShaun Watson - Clemson

Good luck to the teams of your choice and may the weekend be filled with chaos for our entertainment pleasure!

As The WRBL Turns, S03 E11

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 11
Our 3rd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for how some people pronounce "mature".

Current Standings
Thunder Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 8-3 L2
Moon's Microdongs (Nick Zurawski) 8-3 W3
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 5-6 W2
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 1-10 L10

Lightning Division

Bought Not Built (Scott Aschebrook) 8-3 W3

TyRod Henke (Andy Todd) 5-6 L1

Fuck The Playoff System (Cole Walters) 5-6 L2

Team Swanson (Alec Swanson) 4-7 W1

Week Eleven Final Scores

ZURAWSKI  136 TODD  135
ASCHEBROOK JR.  107 ASCHEBROOK SR.  89
SNEEN  138 WALTERS  99
SWANSON  79 MOON  52

835

USA TODAY
Hero of the Week: RB David Johnson (Moon's Microdongs)

Heroes of the Week: RB Le'Veon Bell (Aschebrook), RB David Johnson (Zurawski), QB Aaron Rodgers (Aschebrook Sr.)

Zeroes of the Week: Owner Evan Moon (Moon), DF Baltimore Ravens (Moon), DF Philadelphia Eagles (Aschebrook Sr.)

Ronald Martinez/Getty Images
Zero of the Week: DF Baltimore Ravens (Team Moon)

Upcoming Week 12 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Bought Not Built vs. Moon's Microdongs
Fuck The Playoff System vs. Team ChowHounds
Team Swanson vs. SNEEN MACHINE
TyRod Henke vs. Team Moon

Bye Weeks: THERE ARE NONE BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF AVAILABLE SUNDAY GAMES!

Gobble, Gobble, Motherfuckers: Minnesota @ Detroit 11:30 AM
Washington @ Dallas 3:30 PM
Pittsburgh @ Indianapolis 7:30 PM

Sunday: Tennessee @ Chicago NOON

Jacksonville @ Buffalo NOON

Cincinnati @ Baltimore NOON

Arizona @ Atlanta NOON

NY Giants @ Cleveland NOON

Los Angeles @ New Orleans NOON

San Francisco @ Miami NOON

San Diego @ Houston NOON

Seattle @ Tampa Bay 3:05 

Carolina @ Oakland 3:25

New England @ NY Jets 3:25

Kansas City @ Denver 7:30

Monday: Green Bay @ Philadelphia 7:30

Bro...

The entire focus of the WRBL Reviews this year seems to be the race for the fourth playoff seed. As we now realize nobody actually wants the #4 seed (3 5-6 teams), the focus is on the race for the #1 seed, where Team ChowHounds have cooled off and both Nick and the spawn of chow have improved via trades and the waiver wire, grouping all three together at 8-3. What a mess we have created this year. Speaking of messes, it's time to bury the Green Bay Packers, Arizona Cardinals and Cincinnati Bengals. Speaking of teams to bury... Cleveland is the first team officially eliminated from playoff contention and the fact that it took them 0-11 to get eliminated should mean a ban for the AFC North from having any playoff teams. It's rivalry weekend in college football and if you are not a fan but want to be, check out Ohio State-Michigan or Alabama-Auburn on Saturday or (sleeper pick) Washington-Washington State the day after Thanksgiving at 2:30 PM on FOX. College basketball also started this past weekend... you're right, I'll move on.

USA TODAY
ABOVE: A photo of a college sport that has not been relevant in 30 years.

I did not imagine that a 118-61 lead over TyRod Henke could be deemed an "unsafe" margin but, my team crushed expectations thanks to Julian Edelman's biggest game of the season (thanks Cole), Todd Gurley's longest run of the season (24-yard TD) and a 4 touchdown game from Tom Brady. Of course, Nick had Jay Ajayi get a respectable-yet-underwhelming 10 points and 8 points from Miami's defense so, there was still work to be done on TyRod Henke's part. I LITERALLY made a last-minute decision before kickoff of the Sunday night game to dump Emmanuel Sanders (</3) for Jamison Crowder and thought about moving Crowder into my lineup for Jordy Nelson for five seconds before not pressing the button. When Nelson caught a touchdown that totally could have maybe, for sure, who knows, been an incomplete pass, I thought things might end well for the squad this week. Of course, fresh in my mind was still Jordy Nelson completely embarrassing fantasy owners last month on the Thursday night game from hell (vs. Chicago) so, I tempered my expectations. Alas, the Packers offense was pretty solid and their defense couldn't do anything so, that SHOULD have been the perfect recipe for some Jordy-based success, right? Nope. Nick still led by three and despite Mike McCarthy inexplicably keeping all of his offensive starters in on the last drive besides Aaron Rodgers, Brett Hundley could only complete one pass out of four and shockingly, it was to Nelson. The problem was that Jordy ran sideways instead of forward and with 28 yards on the evening, Moon's Microdongs won by two yards and are now tied with both Aschebrook owners with Scott holding the points advantage necessary for the #1 seed. Jordy Nelson was not enough with his three catches (28 yards & a TD) Jamison Crowder would have been enough with his three catches (102 & a TD).

My excuse for talking about my own matchup first this week is that none of the other matchups were THAT close and what am I supposed to talk about? Swanson-Moon? That's a balk. The YUUUGEST match this week was between father and son as Scott's Bought Not Built beat Team ChowHounds as a result of injuries to Darren Sproles and LeSean McCoy and Le'Veon Bell just being the beast that he is. Both Aschebrooks and Nick are now 8-3 and with three weeks remaining and are all likely locks for the playoffs. SNEEN MACHINE LITERALLY upset Cole as Cole has now gone back into full bitter Walters mode, claiming that his team "sucks" and accepting a fate of being robbed out of a playoff spot again despite there being plenty of time for him to make up ground. Did I mention that despite my loss, I had enough points in a low-scoring week to pass up Cole for the #4 seed? Even when I lose I win! You people must despise me. Sneen's team is coming on strong now with two of his three quarterbacks playing MVP-caliber football (Mariota & Russell Wilson) and one of the Dez/ODB combo coming through on seemingly alternating weeks. Much like the matchup where the top scoring team beat the second-highest scoring team for the week, the second-lowest scoring team (Team Swanson) beat the lowest scoring smoldering crater of vast nothingness (Team Moon) 79-52. So... Alec is even still technically alive at 4-7. That's how little people want the 4th seed.

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Is this the face of a man that you want in the postseason? DIDN'T THINK SO.

ALERTALERTALERT! The fantasy championship basically takes place on Saturday, Christmas Eve and Sunday, Christmas Day. This almost definitely causes a scheduling conflict for some people in the league as that is typically the week we meet and yadayadayada, a trophy is won. I just thought I would bring this to everyone's attention so that we may reschedule the end-of-season meeting. 

Ohhhhhhweeeee the tension is high in the WRBL this week as Moon's smoldering crater of 1-10 awesomeness plays against 4th seed TyRod Henke and I'm sure it'll end up being unnecessarily close because of Duke Johnson Jr. finally turning into Le'Veon Bell or Doug Baldwin catching three touchdowns again. Fighting for playoff seeding is fun and all but, ultimately both 8-3 Moon's Microdongs and 8-3 Bought Not Built will be in the postseason and the winner of this battle will only boost their reputation (and odds at the #1 seed) more than anything else. Cole is still bitter at Scott's dad for making the playoffs last year by having more points than Cole and is currently listed as a -6 point favorite as I type this so, expect this matchup to be the best of the weekend as Fuck The Playoff System is desperate and Team ChowHounds are slipping again. The last game is Team Swanson versus SNEEN MACHINE and SNEEN wants a win badly as he needs to keep up with Cole and I's point totals being around 100 points higher than his MACHINE's. Swanny Dog is just looking for some hope in the dark void that is his 2016 football season. Good news: There are no bye weeks this week! Bad news: 3 games TOMORROW. Set your lineups accordingly. The great news is that every games looks awesome on paper this Turkey Day. The bad news is that it is Turkey Day and your relatives have shitty opinions. Enjoy the holiday and remember, do the right thing at the right time because CHARACTER is your destiny!

Scoring Leaders

QB

Aaron Rodgers 226 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Tom Brady 140 (TODD)

Cam Newton 136 (ASCHEBROOK)

Ben Roethlisberger 119 (SWANSON)

Drew Brees 105 (TODD)

Carson Palmer 103 (MOON)

Philip Rivers 86 (ZURAWSKI)

Russell Wilson 78 (SNEEN)

Matt Ryan 76 (ASCHEBROOK)

Andrew Luck 75 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI)

Jameis Winston 74 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Dak Prescott 67 (WALTERS)

Matthew Stafford 65 (WALTERS)

Marcus Mariota 46 (SNEEN)

Blake Bortles 44 (WALTERS)

Eli Manning 29 (SNEEN)

Kirk Cousins 27 (ZURAWSKI)
Andy Dalton 15 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Alex Smith 8 (ZURAWSKI)

RB

David Johnson 244 (ZURAWSKI)

DeMarco Murray 184 (ASCHEBROOK)

Melvin Gordon 168 (WALTERS)

Le'Veon Bell 165 (ASCHEBROOK)

Devonta Freeman 145 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

LeSean McCoy 139 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Ezekiel Elliott 136 (MOON/ASCHEBROOK)

Lamar Miller 135 (SNEEN)

Todd Gurley 118 (TODD)

Frank Gore 101 (ZURAWSKI)

C.J. Anderson 96 (WALTERS)

Christine Michael 90 (SNEEN)

Matt Forte 89 (SWANSON)

Latavius Murray 86 (SWANSON)

Mark Ingram 76 (ASCHEBROOK)

Duke Johnson Jr. 72 (MOON)

LeGarrette Blount 69 (SWANSON)

Theo Riddick 67 (SNEEN)

DeAngelo Williams 64 (ASCHEBROOK)

Carlos Hyde 63 (SWANSON)

Spencer Ware 59 (TODD/SWANSON)

Jordan Howard 55 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Isaiah Crowell 47 (WALTERS)

Jay Ajayi 39 (ZURAWSKI)

Giovani Bernard 37 (SNEEN)

Devontae Booker 30 (TODD)

Jacquizz Rodgers 29 (TODD)

Doug Martin 27 (WALTERS)

Ameer Abdullah 25 (TODD)

Charles Sims 25 (ZURAWSKI)

Darren Sproles 25 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Danny Woodhead 25 (ZURAWSKI)

Eddie Lacy 24 (MOON)

Jonathan Stewart 17 (MOON)

James White 15 (ASCHEBROOK)

Tevin Coleman 14 (WALTERS)

Ryan Mathews 14 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jamaal Charles 12 (TODD)
Ty Montgomery 11 (TODD)
Matt Asiata 9 (WALTERS)
DeAndre Washington 9 (TODD)

Charcandrick West 9 (ZURAWSKI)

Jeremy Langford 7 (WALTERS)

Adrian Peterson 6 (MOON)

Jerick McKinnon 5 (SNEEN)
Chris Ivory 2 (TODD)

WR

Antonio Brown 205 (WALTERS)

Mike Evans 202 (ASCHEBROOK)

Julio Jones 197 (ASCHEBROOK)

Larry Fitzgerald 178 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Odell Beckham Jr. 170 (SNEEN)

A.J. Green 167 (SWANSON)

Brandin Cooks 157 (WALTERS)

T.Y. Hilton 151 (ZURAWSKI)

Demaryius Thomas 146 (MOON)

Amari Cooper 142 (MOON)

Allen Robinson 140 (SWANSON)

Jordy Nelson 126 (TODD)

DeAndre Hopkins 117 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jarvis Landry 113 (TODD)

Brandon Marshall 106 (ZURAWSKI)

Alshon Jeffery 89 (SWANSON)

Dez Bryant 86 (SNEEN)

Mike Wallace 65 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Doug Baldwin 61 (MOON)

Willie Snead 61 (SNEEN)

Marvin Jones 53 (MOON)

Emmanuel Sanders 50 (TODD)

DeSean Jackson 49 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Kelvin Benjamin 45 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI)

Steve Smith Sr. 45 (SNEEN)

Julian Edelman 40 (WALTERS/TODD)

Eric Decker 39 (SNEEN)

Randall Cobb 37 (TODD/WALTERS)

Jordan Matthews 37 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Travis Benjamin 36 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jeremy Maclin 36 (ASCHEBROOK)

Michael Crabtree 34 (ASCHEBROOK)

Terrelle Pryor 33 (TODD)

Donte Moncrief 32 (ASCHEBROOK SR./TODD)

Golden Tate 25 (WALTERS)

Michael Thomas 24 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Davante Adams 21 (WALTERS)

Corey Coleman 18 (MOON)

Tyrell Williams 18 (SWANSON)

Stefon Diggs 17 (TODD)
Keenan Allen 12 (ZURAWSKI)

Sammy Watkins 12 (ZURAWSKI)

John Brown 10 (SNEEN)

Quincy Enunwa 3 (SWANSON)

Cameron Meredith 2 (TODD)

TE

Greg Olsen 145 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Delanie Walker 133 (TODD)

Travis Kelce 122 (WALTERS)

Jordan Reed 117 (SNEEN)

Rob Gronkowski 94 (ZURAWSKI)

Jimmy Graham 68 (ASCHEBROOK)

Julius Thomas 53 (MOON)

Martellus Bennett 52 (SWANSON)

Hunter Henry 51 (TODD/MOON)

Jason Witten 42 (ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS/SWANSON)

Coby Fleener 38 (SNEEN)

Antonio Gates 34 (ZURAWSKI)

Eric Ebron 33 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI)

Dennis Pitta 26 (ASCHEBROOK)

Tyler Eifert 18 (ASCHEBROOK)

Zach Miller 14 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Kyle Rudolph 10 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jared Cook 1 (ASCHEBROOK)

K

Adam Vinatieri 103 (ZURAWSKI)
Justin Tucker 102 (MOON/ASCHEBROOK)

Brandon McManus 91 (TODD)

Stephen Gostkowski 72 (SNEEN)

Mason Crosby 67 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Dan Bailey 52 (WALTERS/SNEEN/TODD)

Matt Prater 52 (WALTERS)

Matt Bryant 48 (SWANSON)

Graham Gano 45 (SWANSON)

Steven Hauschka 42 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Dustin Hopkins 34 (ASCHEBROOK)

Wil Lutz 23 (MOON)
Josh Lambo 7 (WALTERS)
Cairo Santos 5 (SWANSON)

DF

Denver Broncos 103 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Minnesota Vikings 83 (TODD)

Carolina Panthers 70 (SWANSON)

Arizona Cardinals 58 (ASCHEBROOK)

Baltimore Ravens 56 (MOON)

Houston Texans 49 (WALTERS/SNEEN)

Kansas City Chiefs 33 (MOON)

Cincinnati Bengals 32 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Seattle Seahawks 28 (ASCHEBROOK)

New York Giants 27 (ZURAWSKI/SNEEN)

New England Patriots 26 (SNEEN/WALTERS)

Green Bay Packers 23 (SNEEN/WALTERS)
Pittsburgh Steelers 23 (TODD)

Miami Dolphins 21 (WALTERS/ZURAWSKI)

Philadelphia Eagles 21 (TODD)
Chicago Bears 17 (ZURAWSKI/WALTERS)

New York Jets 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Dallas Cowboys 9 (SNEEN)

Tennessee Titans 6 (SWANSON)

Indianapolis Colts 2 (SNEEN)

Hypothetical Standings

Bought Not Built 9-2

Team ChowHounds 8-3

Team Swanson 7-4

Moon's Microdongs 6-5

TyRod Henke 5-6

Fuck The Playoff System 4-7

SNEEN MACHINE 4-7

Team Moon 1-10