The Threematch: What everyone has been waiting for?

Well, all of THAT kind of sucked. Thankfully the NBA's preseason-like playoffs have concluded and the league is right back where it started this year with Cleveland getting another chance to "defend the land" against the greatest superteam ever assembled in the Golden State Warriors. Neither team has been tested thus far throughout the postseason (although shout out to Indiana on a fun series) and frankly, anybody that claims to have any idea what a superduperteam can do versus the most dominant lethargic postseason team I have ever seen is lying. Nobody has any clue what will happen with these two when neither team has faced any real adversity (Lebron's game 3 sickness does not count) nor have either them given full effort for three consecutive games these playoffs. How can you tell when a team isn't giving full effort? It's pretty simple really. For Golden State, not giving full effort usually involves a heavy reliance on JaVale McGee in the paint and heavy minutes to the Patrick McCaws and David Wests of the world. Cleveland got to the point against Boston where they just let Kevin Love take a majority of his shots from beyond the arc and Lebron was being a bit more passive than we've seen from him all season.

These playoffs were soooooooo obvious that I stopped recapping the series immediately because there was absolutely nothing to learn from the results other than which teams should be ready to blow things up and start over anew. Toronto is about to lose Kyle Lowry in free agency (Philly?) and even if they don't, the man looked past his prime this postseason, which is his natural postseason style of play. Kyle Lowry is not winning anybody a championship in their starting lineup. The Clippers also need to blow things up and I would start by removing Doc Rivers from the front office but, since that team has no balls after an eternity of sucking and this sudden, five-year stretch of success under Rivers, they'll probably just keep everybody and depress their fans more than fifty years of losing ever did. Houston and Oklahoma City will return to the playoffs next year but, both teams need to find ways to compliment two uncomplimentable (new word!) stat-hogs for a shot at the Western Conference Finals. The good news is that the future of the Celtics, Bucks, Spurs, Wizards and Jazz will be fun to watch. Just don't count on any of them to prod their way into the Finals while Lebron and the greatest team ever assembled are still fully functioning.


#1 Golden State Warriors v. #2 Cleveland Cavaliers
In order to decipher a winner for this series, one has to observe the key differences between last year's GREATEST FINALS EVER (in terms of entertainment value, sorry Golden State) and this year's squads.

1. Mike Brown will likely be coaching Golden State instead of Steve Kerr due to Kerr's continuously scary back issues.
2. Draymond Green is coming in with no ejectionable offenses and therefor, is unlikely to get suspended during the series.
3. Cleveland lost Timofey Mozgov, Matthew Dellavedova, Mo Williams and Jordan McRae and added Kyle Korver, Deron Williams, Derrick Williams and Kay Felder
4. Golden State lost Leandro Barbosa, Anderson Varejao, Andrew Bogut, Harrison Barnes, Festus Ezeli and Brandon Rush and added Kevin Durant (!), Patrick McCaw, David West, JaVale McGee, Zaza Pachulia, Matt Barnes and Damian Jones
5. Ty Lue is no longer a rookie head coach.
6. Stephen Curry didn't just suffer a minor ankle injury but both Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving did (Pachulia is injured also but, that is not that important)
7. The Warriors weren't trying to go for a historic regular season and instead, saved all of their dominant nonsense for the postseason.
8. Klay Thompson has been frozen cold the last 45 days.
9. Golden State has a 3-day rest edge over Cleveland as opposed to Cleveland having 7 extra days before the Warriors took out OKC in 7.
10. Even though it doesn't mean anything as far as winning or losing are concerned, the Warriors have a higher Boring:Fun ratio with KD on the court and it's sad that something as beautiful to watch as Steph and Klay hitting 600 threes a year is no longer this team's pace.

Scott Cunningham - Getty Images
The addition of Kyle Korver will help Cleveland in response to any deep-shooting runs that the Warriors go on.

Ultimately, we all just want a fun series with exciting plays, drama, ridiculous box scores and no more testicular interruption from Draymond.

                          My Pick: Warriors in 4.

If anybody knows how to prevent Lebron James from winning an NBA Finals, that man is Mike Brown. In all seriousness, I think Golden State enjoyed their rest and if it's going to be an ugly series, I'd rather have witnessed history that would forever alter the league (Adam Silver would go to the furthest lengths in order to make sure no former MVPs join a 73-win team again unless that MVP is Derrick Rose) than see Golden State win in 5 and start the "Can Durant ever be an all-time great?" discussions. Plenty of weird shit can go down between now and game 4 but, this prediction was made without any injuries predicted (there's bound to be one) and under the belief that this is truly the greatest team ever assembled even though their bench is not quite as deep as the past two seasons.

Again, I don't claim to know what in the wide world of sports is about to happen over the next two weeks, all I know is that it needs to be entertaining or historic to make fans forget the past month and a half of non-competitive basketball. Thank god for the unpredictable mess that is Major League Baseball.

The NBA Playoffs from Hell

By now, everyone holds the same, correct opinion that this year's NBA Postseason has been absolute trash in so many unimaginable ways. The Cavaliers and Warriors were the obvious favorites in their respective conferences but, even naive mid-April Andy Todd didn't have both teams sweeping their conferences the way they are about to do. Every game featuring Golden State has been a similar experience to that time as an 8-year old when I sprayed that grape spray candy in my eyes (accidental, not an experiment at all, I swear. 2/10 would not reccomend).

These had to be far less expensive than pepper spray. Somebody alert the police.

The problem with Golden State is not at all a problem for Golden State as it is for the NBA. The problem isn't an issue at all for the team itself as this is working magnificently well for them but, they just plain do not need Kevin Durant until the NBA Finals and he's ruined the exciting "let's just shoot threes from half court blindfolded because Steph has a bet to settle" style with which the Warriors used to play. Why shoot highly contested 35 footers when someone's being double-covered and either KD or Draymond are wide open from Splashville, USA? It is just unwatchable thus far and the wheezing, robotic Spurs are highly unlikely to present a challenge or any heightened sense of excitement.

It isn't fair to solely place the blame on America's most boring superstar, Kevin Durant, on this being Charles Barkley's "Worst playoffs ever, Erneh". In fact, I think it's time we overhaul the entire rule book and figure out a way to not give the MVP award to Russell Westbrook or James Harden. We were all wrong about both of them being anything more than stat-padders that never cared about winning the championship as much as their own personal brands as Lebron and the Bay Area Quartet rested up for the only four-to-seven games from this postseason that anybody will be able to recall (barring more blowouts). Who can blame either guy for never truly being all in when inevitable defeat was in their futures no matter how hard they tried? At least they'll both be healthy for next season's pointless regular season victory laps.

That sounded far less harsh in my head than it does in print and these two players do not deserve as much criticism as they will and have received either when their coaches set them up for disastrous failures. Whether or not Russell Westbrook has the greatest teammates in the world was made entirely irrelevant when Billy Donovan set a new record for Usage Rate of a single player (Westbrook) over the regular and somehow made things even harder and more ball-hoggish in the postseason only for the entire Thunder bandwagon to go down in flames after five games.

Donovan is not even the worst example of coaching "expertise" from the western conference this past month. According to Mike D'antoni, trotting out a seven-player rotation featuring one true big (the still too young to be 100% trusted Clint Capela) is the ideal supporting cast for his one superstar player. Good luck convincing free agents to build a big three when they'll be forced to make up for Harden's defense and drive to the paint for forty minutes a game come playoff time. There's a reason this man has lost all five postseason series he has been involved in against Gregg Popovich and it's his constant refusal to make adjustments in high-intensity situations. Strictly sticking to D'Antoni-ball and not at least trying to mix things up defensively will guarantee that the fantastic regular season coach never wins a championship. We've seen enough of him, unlike Donovan, Westbrook and Harden, to determine he's never going to hold up the Larry O'Brien trophy due to stubbornness. He is the NBA's Andy Reid and without a sudden change of thinking in his sixties, Houston has a problem.

Kirby Lee - USA TODAY Sports
Regular season success? Check. Likeable personality? Check. Mustache? Yes!

Cleveland has at least managed to keep their games close (Indiana) or fun in a "ha, there's no way we're blowing this" manner (Toronto). There are some legitimate questions about Tyronn Lue's defense and the team could actually drop a game or two in either Boston or Washington but, there are very few who believe the Cavaliers will lose in the third round. I'm not even certain those conspiracy theorists exist. We are all impatiently awaiting the finals and this is exactly what every pessimistic fan said we'd be doing all the way back in July and it honestly sucks because I too want to see the Warriors and Cavs play right away but, what if one of them doesn't make it? Wouldn't that be an even darker timeline?

The nice thing about the lackluster postseason is that it has given me some time to enjoy this surprisingly long Spring season. I have also been pleasantly surprised by the never-ending cycle of great music these last few weeks from Perfume Genius's No Shape record to Feist's quietly badass new album to the latest from Sylvan Esso. I guess the playoffs haven't totally consisted of trash. After all, my dynasty fantasy baseball team is in third and nothing motivates me quicker than losing interest in a basketball game to work on some unfinished business (wink, wink, there's a post a-comin' along). The Inside The NBA watched:Actual live basketball watched ratio has never been more even for me.

Here are my picks for the conference finals...

Warriors over Spurs in 4.
Cavaliers over whomever in 4.

Those takes 🔥🔥🔥 enough for you?

NBA First Round Summary and Second Round Picks

A theme that has become all too common in the first rounds of the NBA Playoffs recently is a majority of the interesting series' being defined by injuries. Blake Griffin, Rajon Rondo, Jusuf Nurkic, Tony Allen and (kind of reaching here) Jabari Parker's injuries all ended up costing their teams a game or two, if not the sefies. When Rudy Gobert went down 17 seconds into game 1 of the Clips-Jazz series, we all assumed the Jazz were in deep trouble but, thank the basketball gods for "Iso" Joe Johnson as Utah gave us the one game 7 that casual fans typically root for. Rudy Gobert even managed to be a key contributor after only missing a week due to a knee sprain and looked like he wasn't affected by the injury at all.

Sean M. Haffrey/Getty Images
Rudy Gobert saved the Jazz and the NBA from a horrid Clippers-Warriors series.

Congratulations to the Jazz, Rockets, Spurs, Warriors, Raptors, Cavaliers, Wizards and Celtics on advancing to the second round. Typically, I would go a bit further in depth on the first round of the playoffs but, with the NFL Draft taking over my headspace for the weekend, I think I will just leave my picks here and cross my fingers that I don't get embarrassed.

Celtics over Wizards in 7*
Cavaliers over Raptors in 5
Warriors over Jazz in 4
Spurs over Rockets in 7

* = Pick made before game 1 on Sunday.

The most "heated" series will be Wiz-Celts as a result of some fighting and symbolic black shirt-wearing by Wizard players during the regular season. The best series in terms of unpredictability will be Rockets-Spurs where Mike D'antoni's new-fangled basketball strategies meets the oldest team remaining in the postseason with one of the all-time greats (Gregg Popovich) leading the way. The Warriors should sweep because it's the greatest regular season team ever plus Kevin Durant. The Cavaliers might give it their all this series and even if they choose to hold off on giving full effort for another round, they'll still beat the Raptors in 6 or fewer games.

Good luck to the players providing us with entertainment on a nightly basis and may their limbs stay in tact.