Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Week Seven
Our Seventh Official Season of blaming Cole Walters for bomb cyclones
Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Scott's Many Endeavors (Nick Zurawski) 7-0 W7
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 5-2 L1
Yeezy Taught Me (Nathaniel Hoefs) 3-4 W2
Todd's Plan (Andy Todd) 2-5 W1
Tanner Glaza Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 3-4 W1
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 3-4 L1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 3-4 L2
Take Mahomes Country Roads (Ryan Dougherty) 2-5 L2
Week Seven Final Scores
NICK defeats DARRIN 134.38-131.96
HOEFS defeats SNEEN 136.04-135.14
ALEC defeats COLE 163.74-133.04
ANDY defeats RYAN 118.86-107.54
Heroes of the Week: WR Cooper Kupp (37.6). WR Ja'Marr Chase (34.1), RB Alvin Kamara (33.9)
Waiver Wonders: TE C.J. Uzomah (24.1), QB Mac Jones (22.18), QB Carson Wentz (20.3)
What-if of the Week: If Sneen started TE Hunter Henry (10.3) over TE Mark Andrews (7.8), he would have defeated Hoefs and improved to leading the Tanner Glaza Division.
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| Yahoo! Sports Hero of the Week: WR Cooper Kupp (Yeezy Taught Me) |
Upcoming Week 8 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Sneen v. Alec
Nick v. Andy
Cole v. Darrin
Ryan v. Hoefs
Thursday Night Football: Green Bay @ Arizona 7:20 PM
Sunday NOON: Carolina @ Atlanta
Miami @ Buffalo
San Francisco @ Chicago
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
Philadelphia @ Detroit
Tennessee @ Indianapolis
Cincinnati @ NY Jets
LA Rams @ Houston
3:05 PM: New England @ LA Chargers
Jacksonville @ Seattle
3:25 PM: Washington @ Denver
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans
Sunday Night Football: Dallas @ Minnesota 7:20 PM
Monday Night Football: NY Giants @ Kansas City 7:15 PM
BYES: Baltimore, Las Vegas
Bro...
Before we get to the NFL this week, the World Series is here and I cannot remember having less investment into a baseball championship as I am this go-round. Maybe it's the fatigue of all the sports trying to churn out as much content as possible in the first "Post-COVID" seasons for each sport. Outside of the five Brewer games I attended, I just could not get into baseball at all this year and the Astros-Braves series barely registers on my radar when Mike Soroka, Ronald Acuna Jr., Justin Verlander, Lance McCullers Jr. and I'm sure I'm missing a few are injured/inactive for the competing squads. Perhaps the real death-knell for me was the NBA season tipping off this week with a wide open league full of parity again (until Kyrie gets the vaccine). In reality, my dynasty fantasy baseball team should rename themselves "Trash Island" and their reluctance to adapt to the rules of my league killed any investment in who's closing for whom and the massively insulting fact that Mike Trout has never played in the postseason. Baseball just isn't as meme-worthy or easy to keep up with on a night-to-night basis like the NBA. There's no Bro League Baseball for a reason... it'd be too much of a series of things. Bro League Basketball as a side league is perfect (states the defending champion) because it gives us an excuse to keep up during the NFL's offseason as we troll the Lakers, debate whether or not Kyle Lowry puts Miami at or near the top of the East and celebrate the greatness of Giannis Antetokounmpo: Savior of Wisconsin sports.
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| This only happened like two months ago... who's doing it quite like the NBA right now? |
Now with how stupid and slow my broken-ass laptop that's barely hanging together by a thread is being, I better move on to the football. Week 7 saw BYEMAGEDDON turn fantasy teams into mush with the following all out with rest...
- QBs Josh Allen, Justin Herbert, Dak Prescott, Kirk Cousins, Ben Roethlisberger and Trevor Lawrence
- RBs Austin Ekeler, Dalvin Cook, Ezekiel Elliott, Najee Harris, James Robinson and Tony Pollard
- WRs Stefon Diggs, CeeDee Lamb, Keenan Allen, Justin Jefferson, Adam Thielen, Diontae Johnson, Amari Cooper and Mike Williams
- TEs Dawson Knox, Dalton Schultz and Jared Cook
- Ks Tyler Bass, Greg Zeuerlein, Chris Boswell and Greg Joseph
Somehow we still all managed to clinch triple-digit scoring for the week. That still would not get the job done for Cole, Darrin, Ryan or Sneen as the absences of Allen, Harris, Bass (Cole), Thielen, Schultz (Darrin), Robinson, Cooper, Knox (Ryan), Prescott, Cook, Ekeler and Williams (Sneen) were felt by their owners, probably as the decisive negative factors in their losses as everybody played close once again. The only deficit of 12 or higher was settled by Alec ignoring his gut instincts by playing homerism and rostering/starting Bears' replacement rookie running back Khalil Herbert, who dropped a clean 18.3 points on Cole's noggin as the Glaza Division's NFC Least'ing intensifies. Who's playing the role of Dan Snyder in all of that sub-.500 nonsense? Nevermind. Even I, Shad Khan, know not to touch the topic of the Football Team's behind-the-scenes nonsense right now. At least Jackson Mahomes' brother kept seeing the ghost of Sean Taylor in a Titans uniform this past weekend.
Week 8 promises to be much more fair with the only bye week all-caps ABSENCE being 7-0 Nick's QB Lamar Jackson. As a way of evening out the odds, Nick's difficulty level went from "All-Madden" to "Pro" as he faces 2-5 Andy as he waves goodbye to the Justin Fields era after a terrible Tampa trip for the overmatched rookie. In his stead, WRBL legend of years past, Ryan Tannehill takes over as the Todd's Plan QB as Scott's Many Endeavors gets to experience life in the league with a rookie QB of his own, Trevor Lawrence. Patrick Mahomes' likely bounceback game might just be the ticket out of last place that Ryan's gone to Pittsburgh searching for (Hi Scott) because anything less than a 20-pointer will likely lead to losing with Hoefs' hot lineup surviving a ton of on-the-mend running backs. In a very stupid turn of events, 3-4 Alec and 3-4 Tyler are possibly fighting for first place in their division with Sneen's TE (Mark Andrews) on bye and Tom Brady back as QB1 as a 44-year old shape-shifter. Tawmy probably knows how to drive giant sandworms with all the inexplicable feats he's accomplished after tossing touchdown #600 this past weekend. The COVID pandemic is far from over with Cole's top WR (Davante Adams) out in a key rematch of the league's best rivalry versus Darrin. The Saints traded for Mark Ingram this week so Cole's crossing his fingers that maybe Darrin's longest tenured Chowhound RB Alvin Kamara is all out of gas after his heroic showing on Monday Night Football.
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| USA TODAY Sports D'Ernest (Byner?) Johnson came out of nowhere to propel Yeezy Taught Me to his second straight win. |
If that's not enough excitement, the 6-1 Packers (down Adams and WR Allen Lazard due to COVID) will face the 7-0 Cardinals (down DE J.J. Watt) on the best Thursday Night Football game since week 1's Bucs-Cowboys shootout. No matter what happens, the fun doesn't stop there either with the Colts looking to re-enter talks to win the AFC South with a possible upset at home against Tennessee. Derrick Henry is already just 131 yards away from another 1K yard year so, he'll get that in the first quarter if Indy doesn't sell out to stop the run like Kansas City did. The Chiefs should barely try stopping the run against the Giants on Monday Night Football with Saquon Barkley possibly still sidelined for journeyman RB Devontae Booker. The real highlight of the weekend for me will be seeing the new "Kardiac Kids" Minnesota Vikings coming off a bye week to face fellow Byemageddon participants in the Dallas Cowboys at Minnesota, where the fantasy points should be flying with values to be found all over. Cris Collinsworth might not be able to contain himself as he slides his chair into the wrong booth.
Scoring Leaders
QB
Tom Brady 175.7 (Sneen)
Lamar Jackson 165.72 (Nick)
Patrick Mahomes 161.62 (Ryan)
Kyler Murray 142.9 (Hoefs)
Aaron Rodgers 139.4 (Darrin)
Josh Allen 119.1 (Cole)
Russell Wilson 98.64 (Andy)
Joe Burrow 96.74 (Alec)
Derek Carr 35.68 (Alec)
Tua Tagovailoa 26.54 (Cole)
Daniel Jones 16.54 (Cole)
Justin Fields 14.42 (Andy)
Justin Herbert 11 (Hoefs)
RB
Derrick Henry 186.5 (Darrin)
Jonathan Taylor 131.2 (Alec)
Austin Ekeler 128.8 (Sneen)
Najee Harris 121.2 (Cole)
Alvin Kamara 121 (Darrin)
Aaron Jones 119 (Ryan)
Ezekiel Elliott 114.6 (Nick)
Joe Mixon 95.4 (Nick)
Nick Chubb 82.8 (Ryan)
James Robinson 69.8 (Ryan)
Dalvin Cook 65.9 (Sneen)
D'Andre Swift 60.8 (Cole)
David Montgomery 59.8 (Alec)
Christian McCaffrey 58.4 (Hoefs)
Antonio Gibson 58.3 (Andy)
Saquon Barkley 55.6 (Cole)
Darrell Henderson 51 (Sneen)
Chuba Hubbard 50.6 (Andy/Nick)
Damien Harris 50.4 (Andy)
Alexander Mattison 49.4 (Hoefs/Andy)
Leonard Fournette 47.7 (Darrin)
Chase Edmonds 40.3 (Hoefs)
Kareem Hunt 36.7 (Hoefs)
Chris Carson 35.4 (Nick)
Clyde Edwards-Helaire 32.2 (Hoefs)
Darrel Williams 31.9 (Andy)
Cordarrelle Patterson 30.3 (Sneen)
Alex Collins 26 (Andy/Alec)
D'Ernest Johnson 24.8 (Hoefs)
Myles Gaskin 21.1 (Cole)
Khalil Herbert 18.3 (Alec)
Miles Sanders 17.3 (Nick)
Josh Jacobs 17 (Darrin)
Elijah Mitchell 16.7 (Andy)
Mike Davis 12.1 (Alec)
Melvin Gordon 11.2 (Ryan)
James Conner 10.7 (Sneen)
Kenyan Drake 10.5 (Ryan)
J.D. McKissic 9.6 (Cole)
Zack Moss 5.9 (Ryan)
Raheem Mostert 2 (Cole)
James White 0.6 (Andy)
WR
Cooper Kupp 190.4 (Hoefs)
Tyreek Hill 150.4 (Nick)
Davante Adams 144.4 (Cole)
DK Metcalf 122.7 (Alec)
DeAndre Hopkins 117 (Darrin)
Mike Evans 95.5 (Andy)
Stefon Diggs 95.3 (Hoefs)
Justin Jefferson 93.14 (Alec)
Keenan Allen 86.9 (Andy)
Brandin Cooks 83.5 (Darrin)
Amari Cooper 80.8 (Ryan)
D.J. Moore 80.3 (Sneen)
Terry McLaurin 80.1 (Nick)
Adam Thielen 76.7 (Darrin)
Mike Williams 76.5 (Sneen)
Deebo Samuel 72.8 (Nick)
A.J. Brown 72.7 (Alec)
CeeDee Lamb 72.4 (Hoefs)
Calvin Ridley 71.1 (Andy)
Michael Pittman Jr. 66.6 (Ryan)
Ja'Marr Chase 61.2 (Sneen)
Chris Godwin 49.8 (Alec)
Robert Woods 46.2 (Sneen)
Diontae Johnson 33.8 (Andy)
Jaylen Waddle 26.9 (Cole)
Allen Robinson 24.6 (Sneen)
Jakobi Meyers 20.8 (Hoefs)
Courtland Sutton 20.5 (Cole)
DeVonta Smith 19.8 (Ryan)
Julio Jones 19.4 (Ryan)
D.J. Chark 16.8 (Cole)
Tee Higgins 16 (Cole)
Emmanuel Sanders 14.1 (Cole)
Tyler Lockett 13.5 (Andy)
Hunter Renfrow 12.8 (Hoefs)
Terry McLaurin 8.6 (Nick)
Marquise Brown 7.5 (Darrin)
Chase Claypool 3.7 (Ryan)
TE
Travis Kelce 122.3 (Andy)
Mark Andrews 110.6 (Sneen)
T.J. Hockenson 87.9 (Alec)
Noah Fant 84.2 (Nick)
Darren Waller 82.8 (Hoefs)
Kyle Pitts 78.6 (Ryan)
Mike Gesicki 49.3 (Cole)
George Kittle 40.6 (Darrin)
Logan Thomas 33.7 (Cole)
Dalton Schultz 26.8 (Darrin)
Dallas Goedert 12 (Hoefs)
Tyler Higbee 9.6 (Darrin)
Rob Gronkowski 9.5 (Ryan)
Dawson Knox 7.5 (Ryan)
K
Justin Tucker 68 (Sneen)
Tyler Bass 66 (Cole)
Matt Gay 54 (Nick)
Brandon McManus 54 (Alec)
Harrison Butker 49 (Darrin)
Daniel Carlson 37 (Ryan)
Mason Crosby 27 (Hoefs/Cole)
Matt Prater 26 (Andy)
Jason Sanders 21 (Andy)
Nick Folk 17 (Hoefs)
Younghoe Koo 17 (Hoefs)
Greg Zuerlein 10 (Nick)
Josh Lambo 1 (Ryan)
DF
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 56 (Alec)
Arizona Cardinals 40 (Cole/Sneen)
Denver Broncos 40 (Andy)
New Orleans Saints 36 (Ryan)
Los Angeles Rams 31 (Cole/Andy)
Cleveland Browns 23 (Nick)
Buffalo Bills 21 (Sneen)
Carolina Panthers 18 (Darrin)
New England Patriots 17 (Nick)
Pittsburgh Steelers 16 (Hoefs)
Indianapolis Colts 14 (Ryan/Nick)
Dallas Cowboys 13 (Hoefs)
Green Bay Packers 9 (Cole)
San Francisco 49ers 7 (Nick)
Atlanta Falcons 6 (Cole)
San Francisco 49ers 6 (Cole)
Las Vegas Raiders 4 (Hoefs)
Miami Dolphins 4 (Cole)
Washington Football Team 3 (Darrin)
Tennessee Titans 2 (Hoefs)
Cincinnati Bengals 1 (Nick)
Baltimore Ravens -2 (Sneen/Hoefs)
Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose)
Scott's Many Endeavors 6-1
SNEEN MACHINE 4-3
Team ChowHounds 4-3
Yeezy Taught Me 4-3
Tax Paying Homeowner 3-4
Colieveland 96ers 3-4
Take Mahomes Country Roads 3-4
Todd's Plan 1-6
