WRBL Week 11, 2023

 Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Our ninth official season of blaming Cole Walters for painting the Atlanta Hawks' court all blue for some reason.

Bro... 

Have a Happy Thanksgiving! The turnaround is too quick for a write-up this week but I've still gathered all the necessary information below so that the week 11 storylines might show themselves anyway. Brett is eliminated from postseason contention.

Official WRBL Standings 

Steven Nett Division

LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE. (Nathaniel Hoefs) 8-3 L1 (1,517.32)

Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 8-3 L2 (1,408.9)

Dad Weights and Protein Shakes (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 6-5 W4 (1,273.08)

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 4-7 L1 (1,211.72)

Shooter McGavin Division

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey (Andy Todd) 7-4 W1 (1,310.16)

I Had COVID-19 (Nick Zurawski) 6-5 W2 (1,499.42)

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 3-8 W1 (1,413.12)

Jordan Addison's Dog (Brett Weinfurter) 2-9 L6 (1,247.14)

Week Eleven Final Scores

ALEC defeats HOEFS 152.5-99.04

NICK defeats COLE 140.3-98

ANDY defeats BRETT 110.26-100.76

SPARKY defeats GABE 126.98-103.64

Heroes of the Week: WR Tyreek Hill (Hoefs, 30.6), RB Saquon Barkley (Gabe, 30), WR Keenan Allen (Nick, 27.6)

Waiver Wonders: QB Tommy DeVito (22.54), DF New York Giants (22), WR Khalil Shakir (20.5)

Benchwarmers of the Week: QB Trevor Lawrence (Andy, 32.18), WR Calvin Ridley (Andy, 31.1), WR Tank Dell (Hoefs, 28.9)

USA TODAY Sports
Hero of the Week: RB Saquon Barkley (Stoltzya's Electric Orcas)

Upcoming Week 12 Schedule for both WRBL and NFL (in CST)
NICK v. HOEFS

ANDY v. COLE

ALEC v. GABE

SPARKY v. BRETT

THANKSGIVING: Green Bay @ Detroit (11:30 AM)

Washington @ Dallas (3:30 PM)

San Francisco @ Seattle (7:20 PM)

BLACK FRIDAY: Miami @ NY Jets (2 PM) PS: Nobody watch this game, please. I have a genuine seething hatred for whatever the NFL is trying to do here. Fuck this game, I'm happy Tim Boyle is starting.

Sunday @ NOON: Jacksonville @ Houston

New Orleans @ Atlanta

Tampa Bay @ Indianapolis

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati

Carolina @ Tennessee

New England @ NY Giants

Sunday @ 3:05 PM: LA Rams @ Arizona

Cleveland @ Denver

Sunday @ 3:25 PM: Buffalo @ Philadelphia

Kansas City @ Las Vegas

Sunday @ 7:20 PM: Baltimore @ LA Chargers

Monday @ 7:15 PM: Chicago @ Minnesota

Scoring Leaders

QB

Josh Allen 247.1 (Cole)

Jalen Hurts 224.38 (Nick)

Justin Herbert 211.02 (Alec)

Lamar Jackson 207.14 (Brett)

Patrick Mahomes 188.4 (Sparky)

Trevor Lawrence 105.04 (Andy)

Kirk Cousins 104.72 (Gabe)

Justin Fields 95.08 (Hoefs)

Joe Burrow 69.5 (Gabe)

C.J. Stroud 61.44 (Alec/Hoefs)

Dak Prescott 42.72 (Hoefs)

Sam Howell 24.18 (Nick)

Kyler Murray 21.66 (Andy)

Baker Mayfield 18.32 (Sparky)

Geno Smith 16.44 (Hoefs/Andy)

Brock Purdy 12.78 (Andy)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 241.9 (Alec)

Travis Etienne 179.2 (Cole)

Josh Jacobs 151.6 (Brett)

Joe Mixon 140.3 (Nick)

Saquon Barkley 136.3 (Gabe)

Bijan Robinson 131 (Andy)

Alvin Kamara 121.9 (Hoefs)

Isiah Pacheco 117.2 (Gabe)

Jahmyr Gibbs 116.5 (Sparky)

Rachaad White 116.5 (Andy)

Tony Pollard 116.1 (Cole)

Austin Ekeler 115 (Gabe)

Kenneth Walker 108.5 (Cole)

Rhamondre Stevenson 100.7 (Brett)

Breece Hall 88.5 (Andy)

Aaron Jones 76.4 (Sparky)

Derrick Henry 76.38 (Hoefs)

Raheem Mostert 75.7 (Hoefs)

D'Andre Swift 72.3 (Alec)

Jonathan Taylor 68.5 (Nick)

Alexander Mattison 68.3 (Nick)

Kyren Williams 65.7 (Alec)

D'Onta Foreman 63.1 (Brett)

James Cook 59.8 (Hoefs)

James Conner 47.4 (Gabe)

David Montgomery 43 (Brett)

Jaylen Warren 29.9 (Gabe)

Najee Harris 29.2 (Alec)

Javonte Williams 28.8 (Cole)

Zack Moss 27.7 (Sparky)

Jerome Ford 26.9 (Andy)

Miles Sanders 23.4 (Nick)

Nick Chubb 23.1 (Nick)

De'Von Achane 23 (Nick)

Devin Singletary 19.8 (Nick)

Gus Edwards 17.2 (Alec)

Chuba Hubbard 10.7 (Cole)

A.J. Dillon 10.6 (Sparky)

Dameon Pierce 6.7 (Hoefs)

Dalvin Cook 4.7 (Sparky)

WR

Tyreek Hill 244.9 (Hoefs)

Keenan Allen 232.66 (Nick)

CeeDee Lamb 214.7 (Sparky)

Stefon Diggs 208.5 (Cole)

A.J. Brown 205.3 (Hoefs)

Amon-Ra St. Brown 192.1 (Andy)

Mike Evans 161 (Andy)

DeVonta Smith 135.2 (Gabe)

Ja'Marr Chase 133 (Brett)

DeAndre Hopkins 131.5 (Sparky)

Michael Pittman Jr. 130 (Brett)

Davante Adams 126.3 (Alec)

Jaylen Waddle 120.7 (Cole)

Justin Jefferson 109.1 (Sparky)

Puka Nacua 107.1 (Nick)

Chris Olave 96.9 (Hoefs)

DK Metcalf 94 (Alec)

Brandon Aiyuk 89.7 (Alec)

Calvin Ridley 89.6 (Andy)

Adam Thielen 77.2 (Hoefs)

Terry McLaurin 70.1 (Alec)

Cooper Kupp 69.5 (Nick)

Chris Godwin 67.8 (Gabe)

Zay Flowers 62.3 (Gabe)

Deebo Samuel 58.8 (Brett)

Tyler Lockett 52.1 (Nick)

Jaxon Smith-Njigba 34.4 (Sparky)

Amari Cooper 33.9 (Gabe)

Christian Kirk 33.4 (Cole)

Garrett Wilson 31.6 (Brett)

K.J. Osborn 31.3 (Brett)

D.J. Moore 29.5 (Alec)

Marquise Brown 27.2 (Andy)

Tee Higgins 23.1 (Cole/Andy)

Jordan Addison 18.4 (Andy)

Christian Watson 16.7 (Sparky)

Nico Collins 6.9 (Cole)

Kadarius Toney 2.3 (Sparky)

TE

T.J. Hockenson 170.6 (Alec)

Travis Kelce 156.1 (Nick)

Mark Andrews 135.4 (Andy)

Sam LaPorta 97.4 (Cole)

George Kittle 93.5 (Sparky)

Evan Engram 92.4 (Hoefs)

Dallas Goedert 91 (Gabe)

David Njoku 64.8 (Brett)

Dalton Kincaid 60.3 (Sparky)

Darren Waller 50.1 (Brett)

Dalton Schultz 49.3 (Hoefs)

Jake Ferguson 22.1 (Cole)

Trey McBride 21.1 (Nick)

Cole Kmet 14.6 (Gabe)

Tyler Higbee 7.9 (Nick)

Pat Freiermuth 7.3 (Cole)

Kyle Pitts 6.4 (Andy)

Luke Musgrave 4.5 (Cole)

Zach Ertz 4.2 (Cole)

K

Jake Elliott 94 (Hoefs)

Justin Tucker 94 (Sparky)

Tyler Bass 85 (Cole)

Harrison Butker 84 (Alec)

Daniel Carlson 79 (Gabe)

Evan McPherson 69 (Nick/Alec)

Younghoe Koo 63 (Andy)

Riley Patterson 57 (Brett)

Jason Myers 53 (Nick)

Matt Gay 16 (Brett)

Jake Moody 11 (Andy)

Greg Zuerlein 11 (Brett)

Brandon Aubrey 7 (Hoefs)

Matt Ammendola 2 (Andy)

DF

Dallas Cowboys 113 (Nick)

Buffalo Bills 98 (Brett)

Pittsburgh Steelers 90 (Hoefs)

San Francisco 49ers 62 (Sparky)

New York Jets 59 (Gabe)

Miami Dolphins 47 (Alec)

Philadelphia Eagles 44 (Andy)

Las Vegas Raiders 40 (Gabe)

Baltimore Ravens 25 (Hoefs/Cole)

Denver Broncos 25 (Cole)

Cleveland Browns 24 (Cole/Andy)

Los Angeles Chargers 24 (Alec)

Minnesota Vikings 20 (Cole)

New England Patriots 20 (Cole/Sparky)

Jacksonville Jaguars 19 (Cole)

Seattle Seahawks 16 (Andy)

Atlanta Falcons 14 (Nick)

New Orleans Saints 14 (Andy)

Washington Commanders 18 (Nick/Gabe)

Chicago Bears 6 (Alec)

Detroit Lions 6 (Cole)

Green Bay Packers 1 (Alec)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)

Live.Laugh.Olave. 8-3

I Had COVID-19 8-3

Colieveland 96ers 8-3

Tax Paying Homeowner 7-4

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey 4-7

Dad Weights And Protein Shakes 4-7

Jordan Addison's Dog 3-8

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 2-9

WRBL Week 10, 2023

  Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Our ninth official season of blaming Cole Walters for all the Air Bud sequels.

Bro... 

Time is but a man-made construct and "Old Town Road" is a 5-year old song now. Thankfully, our suddenly-ancient selves can sleep in on Sunday morning because Colts-Patriots was bad enough that they canceled all other non-United States NFL games, can I get an amen? Week 11 will still have a potentially fun AFC North game featuring the 5-4 Bengals and the 7-3 Ravens Thursday night (*whines in Andy Todd*) but after that, it's smooth sailing for lineup decisions and game times (at least it should be). The timing could not be more perfect as we are now but a month away from WRBL postseason play and the division races have further tightened dramatically ahead of the fun of thanksgiving, bowl games and snow season. Week 10 finally saw Nathaniel Hoefs take first-place in the Steven Nett Division, odd considering that this was the first week all season both he and insufficient opponent Cole Walters finished in the bottom half of WRBL scoring. Cole lost by a whopping 2.96 points because the Denver Broncos decided RB Javonte Williams was no Samaje Perine despite Williams scoring a touchdown in their upset victory over Buffalo on Monday night. At least, that's the way Cole tells that story and I'm sure the margin of loss will get smaller and smaller with each retelling of the story until he eventually claims Nathan lost and that come July 4th, 2024... It should be Cole's Hot Dog Eating Contest that gets hosted annually in New York because we are all just pawns and slight role players in Mr. Walters' Playhouse.

Not that it matters but, the Shooter McGavin division got more tense as well with a Nick Zurawski win (Hoozah, Sam Howell!) and it's a-me! Andy-o! with a loss to suddenly sneaky wildcard contender Jaime Sparkes (Boo, sudden Jaguars offensive no-shows!). Looking ahead, the Joshua Dobbs experience might be more than a one-week wonder, Kyler Murray's leg appears to be doing perfectly fine and Alec Swanson's 2-8 team record is nowhere near indicative of how solidly he's managed his team this season (6-4 in the Hypothetical Standings). The Tax Payer now needs to win out for any shot at the Bro League postseason (as does Brett) and he begins that hopeless last gasp against LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE himself, the Steven Nett Division leader. It was a nice ride and Alec still enjoys setting a lineup without having to include the highs and lows of weekly NFL action... After all, "Spin the bottle" is fun enough as it is and arguably, there's no need to involve kissing or making out.

Everybody enjoy their pre-Thanksgiving build-up and make sure you crossed stuffing off the shopping list (my personal favorite part of the meal options typically presented) because things are about to get hectic and I'm running on fumes here trying to figure out whether to zag or zig with my team maintaining it's consistency while never truly breaking through as being worthy of playoff consideration (3-7 hypothetical record). It's also about to be a short work week for most and long for some so, just be thankful we get to do any of this at all amidst the real-world conflicts out there. Excuse me while I drop Kyle Pitts for bye week fill-in at kicker.

USA TODAY Sports
I'm not crying about Kyle Pitts' fantasy usage, you're crying about Kyle Pitts fantasy usage.

Official WRBL Standings 

Steven Nett Division

LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE. (Nathaniel Hoefs) 8-2 W6 (1,418.28)

Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 8-2 L1 (1,310.9)

Dad Weights and Protein Shakes (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 5-5 W3 (1,146.1)

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 4-6 W1 (1,108.08)

Shooter McGavin Division

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey (Andy Todd) 6-4 L1 (1,199.9)

I Had COVID-19 (Nick Zurawski) 5-5 W1 (1,359.12)

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 2-8 L4 (1,260.62)

Jordan Addison's Dog (Brett Weinfurter) 2-8 L5 (1,146.38)

Week Ten Final Scores

HOEFS defeats COLE 109.24-106.28

NICK defeats ALEC 169.28-153.22

SPARKY defeats ANDY 135.52-117.2

GABE defeats BRETT 119.78-95.32

Heroes of the Week: WR Keenan Allen (Nick, 40.5), WR CeeDee Lamb (Sparky, 39.5), WR Amon-Ra St. Brown (Andy, 30.5)

Waiver Wonders: WR Brandin Cooks (32.3), QB Joshua Dobbs (25.12), WR Noah Brown (24.2)

Benchwarmers of the Week: QB Dak Prescott (Hoefs, 37.86), RB Brian Robinson Jr. (Alec, 27.7), QB Brock Purdy (Cole, 23.84)

Jeffrey Becker - USA TODAY Sports
Waiver Wonder: QB Joshua Dobbs (268 yards + 1 TD Passing and 44 yards + 1 TD Rushing)

Upcoming Week 11 Schedule for both WRBL and NFL (in CST)
HOEFS v. ALEC

COLE v. NICK

GABE v. SPARKY

BRETT v. ANDY

Thursday @ 7:15 PM: Cincinnati @ Baltimore

Sunday @ NOON: Arizona @ Houston

Chicago @ Detroit

LA Chargers @ Green Bay

Las Vegas @ Miami

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland

Tennessee @ Jacksonville

Dallas @ Carolina

NY Giants @ Washington 

Sunday @ 3:05 PM: Tampa Bay @ San Francisco

Sunday @ 3:25 PM: Seattle @ LA Rams

NY Jets @ Buffalo

Sunday @ 7:20 PM: Minnesota @ Denver

Monday @ 7:15 PM: Philadelphia @ Kansas City

BYES: Atlanta Falcons, New Orleans Saints, Indianapolis Colts, New England Patriots

Scoring Leaders

QB

Josh Allen 224.6 (Cole)

Jalen Hurts 205.48 (Nick)

Justin Herbert 185.32 (Alec)

Lamar Jackson 183.18 (Brett)

Patrick Mahomes 171.52 (Sparky)

Trevor Lawrence 105.04 (Andy)

Kirk Cousins 104.72 (Gabe)

Justin Fields 95.08 (Hoefs)

Joe Burrow 60.76 (Gabe)

C.J. Stroud 46.1 (Alec/Hoefs)

Dak Prescott 42.72 (Hoefs)

Sam Howell 24.18 (Nick)

Baker Mayfield 18.32 (Sparky)

Geno Smith 16.44 (Hoefs/Andy)

Brock Purdy 12.78 (Andy)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 220.6 (Alec)

Travis Etienne 170.3 (Cole)

Josh Jacobs 145.5 (Brett)

Bijan Robinson 131 (Andy)

Alvin Kamara 121.9 (Hoefs)

Joe Mixon 119.3 (Nick)

Austin Ekeler 108 (Gabe)

Isiah Pacheco 107.1 (Gabe)

Saquon Barkley 106.3 (Gabe)

Kenneth Walker 105.9 (Cole)

Rhamondre Stevenson 100.7 (Brett)

Rachaad White 98.7 (Andy)

Tony Pollard 98.1 (Cole)

Jahmyr Gibbs 95 (Sparky)

Aaron Jones 73.7 (Sparky)

Derrick Henry 70.98 (Hoefs)

Breece Hall 70.2 (Andy)

Jonathan Taylor 68.5 (Nick)

Alexander Mattison 68.3 (Nick)

Kyren Williams 65.7 (Alec)

Raheem Mostert 65.4 (Hoefs)

D'Onta Foreman 63.1 (Brett)

James Cook 59.8 (Hoefs)

D'Andre Swift 52.6 (Alec)

James Conner 47.4 (Gabe)

Jaylen Warren 29.9 (Gabe)

Najee Harris 29.2 (Alec)

Javonte Williams 28.8 (Cole)

Zack Moss 27.7 (Sparky)

Jerome Ford 26.9 (Andy)

David Montgomery 25.2 (Brett)

Miles Sanders 23.4 (Nick)

Nick Chubb 23.1 (Nick)

De'Von Achane 21.5 (Nick)

Gus Edwards 17.2 (Alec)

Chuba Hubbard 10.7 (Cole)

A.J. Dillon 10.6 (Sparky)

Dameon Pierce 6.7 (Hoefs)

Dalvin Cook 4.7 (Sparky)

WR

Tyreek Hill 214.3 (Hoefs)

Keenan Allen 205.06 (Nick)

A.J. Brown 203.5 (Hoefs)

Stefon Diggs 201.8 (Cole)

CeeDee Lamb 198.2 (Sparky)

Amon-Ra St. Brown 170.4 (Andy)

Mike Evans 145.7 (Andy)

Michael Pittman Jr. 130 (Brett)

Davante Adams 126.3 (Alec)

Ja'Marr Chase 123.8 (Brett)

DeVonta Smith 119.3 (Gabe)

DeAndre Hopkins 115.6 (Sparky)

Jaylen Waddle 111.2 (Cole)

Justin Jefferson 109.1 (Sparky)

Puka Nacua 107.1 (Nick)

Chris Olave 96.9 (Hoefs)

Calvin Ridley 89.6 (Andy)

DK Metcalf 73.6 (Alec)

Cooper Kupp 67.4 (Nick)

Brandon Aiyuk 63.1 (Alec)

Zay Flowers 62.3 (Gabe)

Adam Thielen 61.8 (Hoefs)

Terry McLaurin 60.8 (Alec)

Chris Godwin 57.9 (Gabe)

Tyler Lockett 52.1 (Nick)

Deebo Samuel 49.6 (Brett)

Jaxon Smith-Njigba 34.4 (Sparky)

Amari Cooper 33.9 (Gabe)

Christian Kirk 33.4 (Cole)

K.J. Osborn 31.3 (Brett)

Garrett Wilson 30.7 (Brett)

D.J. Moore 29.5 (Alec)

Marquise Brown 24 (Andy)

Tee Higgins 23.1 (Cole/Andy)

Jordan Addison 18.4 (Andy)

Christian Watson 16.7 (Sparky)

Nico Collins 6.9 (Cole)

Kadarius Toney 2.3 (Sparky)

TE

T.J. Hockenson 161.1 (Alec)

Travis Kelce 140.7 (Nick)

Mark Andrews 131.1 (Andy)

Evan Engram 92.4 (Hoefs)

Dallas Goedert 91 (Gabe)

Sam LaPorta 90.6 (Cole)

George Kittle 70.6 (Sparky)

David Njoku 52.2 (Brett)

Darren Waller 50.1 (Brett)

Dalton Kincaid 49.7 (Sparky)

Dalton Schultz 38.1 (Hoefs)

Jake Ferguson 22.1 (Cole)

Trey McBride 21.1 (Nick)

Cole Kmet 9.6 (Gabe)

Tyler Higbee 7.9 (Nick)

Pat Freiermuth 7.3 (Cole)

Kyle Pitts 6.4 (Andy)

Luke Musgrave 4.5 (Cole)

Zach Ertz 4.2 (Cole)

K

Jake Elliott 91 (Hoefs)

Harrison Butker 84 (Alec)

Justin Tucker 83 (Sparky)

Daniel Carlson 71 (Gabe)

Tyler Bass 68 (Cole)

Younghoe Koo 63 (Andy)

Evan McPherson 60 (Nick/Alec)

Riley Patterson 54 (Brett)

Jason Myers 39 (Nick)

Matt Gay 16 (Brett)

Jake Moody 11 (Andy)

Greg Zuerlein 11 (Brett)

Brandon Aubrey 7 (Hoefs)

DF

Dallas Cowboys 93 (Nick)

Pittsburgh Steelers 84 (Hoefs)

Buffalo Bills 80 (Brett)

New York Jets 59 (Gabe)

San Francisco 49ers 53 (Sparky)

Philadelphia Eagles 44 (Andy)

Las Vegas Raiders 40 (Gabe)

Miami Dolphins 36 (Alec)

Baltimore Ravens 25 (Hoefs/Cole)

Denver Broncos 25 (Cole)

Los Angeles Chargers 24 (Alec)

Minnesota Vikings 20 (Cole)

New England Patriots 20 (Cole/Sparky)

Jacksonville Jaguars 19 (Cole)

Cleveland Browns 18 (Cole)

Seattle Seahawks 16 (Andy)

Atlanta Falcons 14 (Nick)

New Orleans Saints 14 (Andy)

Washington Commanders 9 (Nick)

Chicago Bears 6 (Alec)

Green Bay Packers 1 (Alec)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)

Live.Laugh.Olave. 8-2

Colieveland 96ers 8-2

I Had COVID-19 7-3

Tax Paying Homeowner 6-4

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey 3-7

Jordan Addison's Dog 3-7

Dad Weights And Protein Shakes 3-7

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 2-8