WRBL Week 9, 2023

  Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Our ninth official season of blaming Cole Walters for being an outgoing young adult.

Bro... 

The Trade Deadline passes at 2 AM, Friday morning. I was busy this weekend with my midseason draft for another league (it's complicated) and now I must dedicate half of my energy to defend Taysom Hill as a Tight End on a weekly basis. As a result of this, I missed a ton of NFL action this weekend but I know that the Ravens are better than the Seahawks, Brett Rypien does not belong on an NFL field and Josh Dobbs is now the "Passtronaut". That's a great summary of week 9, 2023 without having to actually discuss the comings and goings of the league at large. Now as for the Bro League? Oh buddy, I was fully invested and can spot the weaknesses from a mile away as we encroach on these final, trade-active hours. Cole being 8-1 and on a 7-game winning streak? That's great but it might be the perfect time to sell high on TE Jake Ferguson, coming off of a 23-point week with Sam LaPorta on bye. Somebody that's in need of a tight end? It might them to do this but, Gabe just lost Dallas Goedert likely for a few games with a broken forearm so there is absolutely a fit there. I'd suggest Jake Ferguson for either the longshot flexability of Drake London or the low-ceiling, up-and-downness of Amari Cooper with limp-wristed DeShaun Watson tossing him the pigskin for the next eight weeks. Again, I don't expect there to be any deals made because we've all proven to be stubborn cowards to this point in the season and I don't expect the final hours of trade season to be where we push through negotiations to agreements. Cole wanted QB Kyler Murray (fresh off IR and inserted onto Lord Pretty Flacco Joey's bench) and/or WR Marquise "Hollywood" Brown and I asked him "What more do you want from me? I gave you Josh Allen and Stefon Diggs for Bijan Robinson. I can't keep bailing you out Cole!". That trade was helping both teams until the Bijan Robinson migraine game shone a light on the fact that he has fewer goal-to-go carries than Spencer, Wisconsin's own Hunter Luepke... Yes, the Cowboys fullback. 

Kevin Jairaj - USA TODAY Sports
Hunter Luepke has as many rushing touchdowns as Bijan Robinson, which is still more than Alexander Mattison somehow?

If Cole doesn't make a move for more FLEX depth, he might have to chugga, chugga, Choo, Chubba Hubbard from here on out. Meanwhile, Nathaniel has won five in a row and scored 105 more points (rounded up) than Cole's division-leading 96ers. That's not the only crazy scoring disparity between Bro League teams right now but, it is the one to focus on this week as the Colieveland 96ers take on LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE. in the battle for first in the Steven Nett Division. My pick for this matchup should be pretty obvious after Hoefs' bench (121 points) would have beaten five WRBL teams this week, thanks to the crazy depth that has him sitting QB C.J. Stroud, RB Derrick Henry and his team's namesake WR Chris Olave (who has quietly disappeared in the Saints' offense as of late?). It'd be one thing if he had an even lineup of studs but Nate's lineup doesn't even have any obvious needs unless he wanted to piece together a deal for Nick's TE Tracis Kelce (likely not for sale) or Andy's TE Mark Andrews (Are you kidding me? Kyle Pitts also suffers from Arthur Smith Disease, I'm not giving up my TE1 for anything less than A.J. Brown). It's clear to see why things in the trade market have stalled out, especially when the bottom teams (see: Brett, Alec and probably the lone sub-1,000 point owner Gabe) have dropped out of favor so thoroughly and rapidly. Gabe's probably going to send us all offers as soon as I post this. Come to think of it, why am I waiting? It's time to push this pot-stirrer of a deadline preview out! Good luck to all as we watch the battle of the Steven Nett Division and wait and see if Nick's newfound health gives him any fuel in the coming five weeks to catch me in the Shooter McGavin Division.

Official WRBL Standings 

Steven Nett Division

Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 8-1 W7 (1,204.62)

LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE. (Nathaniel Hoefs) 7-2 W5 (1,309.04)

Dad Weights and Protein Shakes (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 4-5 W2 (1,010.58)

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 3-6 L4 (988.3)

Shooter McGavin Division

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey (Andy Todd) 6-3 W3 (1,082.7)

I Have COVID-19 (Nick Zurawski) 4-5 L2 (1,189.84)

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 2-7 L3 (1,107.4)

Jordan Addison's Dog (Brett Weinfurter) 2-7 L4 (1,051.06)

Week Nine Final Scores

COLE defeats GABE 127.62-118.42

SPARKY defeats NICK 116.7-106.68

ANDY defeats ALEC 127.18-99.74

HOEFS defeats BRETT 131.86-107.18

Heroes of the Week: QB Dak Prescott (Hoefs, 28.36), WR CeeDee Lamb (Sparky, 28.1), RB Rachaad White (Andy, 27.9)

Waiver Wonders: WR Tank Dell (29.6), WR Noah Brown (27.3), DF Indianapolis Colts (25)

Benchwarmers of the Week: QB C.J. Stroud (Hoefs, 41.8) WR Amari Cooper (Gabe, 24.9), WR Diontae Johnson (Hoefs, 22)

Troy Taormina/USA TODAY Sports
Benchwarmer of the Week: QB C.J. Stroud (470 yards, 5 TDs + a 2 pt. conversion)

Upcoming Week 10 Schedule for both WRBL and NFL (in CST)
COLE v. HOEFS

NICK v. ALEC

ANDY v. SPARKY

BRETT v. GABE

Thursday @ 7:15 PM: Carolina @ Chicago

Sunday Morning in Frankfurt, Germany @ 8:30 AM: Indianapolis vs. New England

Sunday @ NOON: San Francisco @ Jacksonville

Houston @ Cincinnati

New Orleans @ Minnesota

Cleveland @ Baltimore

Green Bay @ Pittsburgh

Tennessee @ Tampa Bay

Sunday @ 3:05 PM: Detroit @ LA Chargers

Atlanta @ Arizona

Sunday @ 3:25 PM: Washington @ Seattle

NY Giants @ Dallas

Sunday @ 7:20 PM: NY Jets @ Las Vegas

Monday @ 7:15 PM: Denver @ Buffalo

BYES: Philadelphia Eagles, Miami Dolphins, Kansas City Chiefs, Los Angeles Rams

Scoring Leaders

QB

Josh Allen 210.22 (Cole)

Jalen Hurts 205.48 (Nick)

Patrick Mahomes 171.52 (Sparky)

Lamar Jackson 170.16 (Brett)

Justin Herbert 156.9 (Alec)

Kirk Cousins 104.72 (Gabe)

Trevor Lawrence 102.94 (Andy)

Justin Fields 95.08 (Hoefs)

Dak Prescott 42.72 (Hoefs)

Joe Burrow 40.88 (Gabe)

C.J. Stroud 27.06 (Alec/Hoefs)

Geno Smith 16.44 (Hoefs/Andy)

Brock Purdy 12.78 (Andy)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 200.4 (Alec)

Travis Etienne 163.9 (Cole)

Josh Jacobs 132.8 (Brett)

Bijan Robinson 113.4 (Andy)

Isiah Pacheco 107.1 (Gabe)

Joe Mixon 106.8 (Nick)

Alvin Kamara 103.4 (Hoefs)

Saquon Barkley 99.2 (Gabe)

Tony Pollard 98.1 (Cole)

Rhamondre Stevenson 87.5 (Brett)

Austin Ekeler 86.5 (Gabe)

Kenneth Walker 86.2 (Cole)

Rachaad White 80.9 (Andy)

Jahmyr Gibbs 68.8 (Sparky)

Derrick Henry 67.98 (Hoefs)

Kyren Williams 65.7 (Alec)

Raheem Mostert 65.4 (Hoefs)

Aaron Jones 64.3 (Sparky)

Alexander Mattison 64 (Nick)

Breece Hall 59.7 (Andy)

Jonathan Taylor 54 (Nick)

D'Andre Swift 52.6 (Alec)

James Cook 47.8 (Hoefs)

James Conner 47.4 (Gabe)

D'Onta Foreman 45.9 (Brett)

Zack Moss 27.7 (Sparky)

Jerome Ford 26.9 (Andy)

David Montgomery 25.2 (Brett)

Miles Sanders 23.4 (Nick)

Nick Chubb 23.1 (Nick)

De'Von Achane 21.5 (Nick)

Gus Edwards 17.2 (Alec)

Jaylen Warren 10.9 (Gabe)

Chuba Hubbard 10.7 (Cole)

A.J. Dillon 10.6 (Sparky)

Najee Harris 10.6 (Alec)

Javonte Williams 7.8 (Cole)

Dameon Pierce 6.7 (Hoefs)

Dalvin Cook 4.7 (Sparky)

WR

Tyreek Hill 214.3 (Hoefs)

A.J. Brown 203.5 (Hoefs)

Stefon Diggs 195.4 (Cole)

Keenan Allen 164.56 (Nick)

CeeDee Lamb 158.7 (Sparky)

Amon-Ra St. Brown 139.9 (Andy)

Davante Adams 126.3 (Alec)

Ja'Marr Chase 123.8 (Brett)

Mike Evans 119.4 (Andy)

DeVonta Smith 119.3 (Gabe)

Michael Pittman Jr. 113.6 (Brett)

Jaylen Waddle 111.2 (Cole)

DeAndre Hopkins 109.9 (Sparky)

Justin Jefferson 109.1 (Sparky)

Puka Nacua 107.1 (Nick)

Calvin Ridley 89.6 (Andy)

Chris Olave 75.5 (Hoefs)

Cooper Kupp 67.4 (Nick)

DK Metcalf 56.8 (Alec)

Terry McLaurin 53.5 (Alec)

Adam Thielen 51.6 (Hoefs)

Zay Flowers 49.9 (Gabe)

Deebo Samuel 49.6 (Brett)

Brandon Aiyuk 48.6 (Alec)

Chris Godwin 48.5 (Gabe)

Amari Cooper 33.9 (Gabe)

K.J. Osborn 31.3 (Brett)

Garrett Wilson 30.7 (Brett)

D.J. Moore 29.5 (Alec)

Tyler Lockett 28.9 (Nick)

Jaxon Smith-Njigba 25.1 (Sparky)

Marquise Brown 24 (Andy)

Tee Higgins 23.1 (Cole/Andy)

Christian Kirk 19 (Cole)

Jordan Addison 18.4 (Andy)

Christian Watson 16.7 (Sparky)

Nico Collins 6.9 (Cole)

Kadarius Toney 2.3 (Sparky)

TE

Travis Kelce 140.7 (Nick)

T.J. Hockenson 130.7 (Alec)

Mark Andrews 124.7 (Andy)

Evan Engram 92.4 (Hoefs)

Dallas Goedert 91 (Gabe)

Sam LaPorta 82.6 (Cole)

George Kittle 70.6 (Sparky)

Darren Waller 50.1 (Brett)

David Njoku 40.4 (Brett)

Dalton Kincaid 33.6 (Sparky)

Dalton Schultz 27 (Hoefs)

Jake Ferguson 22.1 (Cole)

Tyler Higbee 7.9 (Nick)

Pat Freiermuth 7.3 (Cole)

Kyle Pitts 6.4 (Andy)

Luke Musgrave 4.5 (Cole)

Zach Ertz 4.2 (Cole)

K

Jake Elliott 91 (Hoefs)

Harrison Butker 84 (Alec)

Justin Tucker 77 (Sparky)

Tyler Bass 66 (Cole)

Younghoe Koo 58 (Andy)

Daniel Carlson 57 (Gabe)

Riley Patterson 54 (Brett)

Evan McPherson 49 (Nick)

Jason Myers 18 (Nick)

Matt Gay 11 (Brett)

Jake Moody 11 (Andy)

Greg Zuerlein 11 (Brett)

DF

Dallas Cowboys 85 (Nick)

Pittsburgh Steelers 77 (Hoefs)

Buffalo Bills 74 (Brett)

New York Jets 59 (Gabe)

San Francisco 49ers 53 (Sparky)

Philadelphia Eagles 44 (Andy)

Miami Dolphins 36 (Alec)

Las Vegas Raiders 33 (Gabe)

Denver Broncos 25 (Cole)

Los Angeles Chargers 24 (Alec)

Minnesota Vikings 20 (Cole)

Jacksonville Jaguars 19 (Cole)

Cleveland Browns 18 (Cole)

Seattle Seahawks 16 (Andy)

New England Patriots 15 (Cole/Sparky)

Atlanta Falcons 14 (Nick)

New Orleans Saints 13 (Andy)

Baltimore Ravens 11 (Hoefs)

Washington Commanders 9 (Nick)

Green Bay Packers 1 (Alec)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)

Live.Laugh.Olave. 8-1

Colieveland 96ers 8-1

I Had COVID-19 6-3

Tax Paying Homeowner 5-4

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey 3-6

Jordan Addison's Dog 3-6

Dad Weights And Protein Shakes 2-7

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 1-8