Week 12
Our 4th official season of blaming Cole Walters for Jeff Dunham's popularity.
Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Walter Polish Z Slayers (Scott Aschebrook) 9-3 W6
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 8-4 W1
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 6-6 W1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 5-7 L2
Shooter McGavin Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 8-4 W3
We Don't Trade Picks (Nick Zurawski) 7-5 L1
The Team Known As Bad (Andy Todd) 3-9 L3
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 2-10 L1
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 8-4 W1
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 6-6 W1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 5-7 L2
Shooter McGavin Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 8-4 W3
We Don't Trade Picks (Nick Zurawski) 7-5 L1
The Team Known As Bad (Andy Todd) 3-9 L3
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 2-10 L1
Week Twelve Final Scores
SCOTT 173 NICK 147ALEC 141 SNEEN 133
COLE 141 DARRIN 111
RYAN 120 ANDY 105
Heroes of the Week: RB Christian McCaffrey (Scott), WR JuJu Smith-Schuster (Sneen), RB Saquon Barkley (Alec)
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| Streeter Lecka/Getty Images Hero of the Week: RB Christian McCaffrey (Walter Polish Z Slayers) |
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| Aaron Doster Waiver Wonder: QB Baker Mayfield (19/26-258-4-0) |
Zeroes of the Week: DF Jacksonville Jaguars (Alec), TE Evan Engram (Andy), DF Washington (Cole)
Upcoming Week 12 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Nick vs. Cole
Ryan vs. Scott
Darrin vs. Alec
Sneen vs. Andy
Ryan vs. Scott
Darrin vs. Alec
Sneen vs. Andy
Thursday: New Orleans @ Dallas 7:20 PM
Sunday: Baltimore @ Atlanta NOON
Denver @ Cincinnati NOON
LA Rams @ Detroit NOON
Arizona @ Green Bay NOON
Buffalo @ Miami NOON
Chicago @ NY Giants NOON
Carolina @ Tampa Bay NOON
Indianapolis @ Jacksonville NOON
Cleveland @ Houston NOON
NY Jets @ Tennessee 3:05 PM
Kansas City @ Oakland 3:05 PM
Minnesota @ New England 3:25 PM
San Francisco @ Seattle 3:25 PM
LA Chargers @ Pittsburgh 7:20 PM
Denver @ Cincinnati NOON
LA Rams @ Detroit NOON
Arizona @ Green Bay NOON
Buffalo @ Miami NOON
Chicago @ NY Giants NOON
Carolina @ Tampa Bay NOON
Indianapolis @ Jacksonville NOON
Cleveland @ Houston NOON
NY Jets @ Tennessee 3:05 PM
Kansas City @ Oakland 3:05 PM
Minnesota @ New England 3:25 PM
San Francisco @ Seattle 3:25 PM
LA Chargers @ Pittsburgh 7:20 PM
Monday: Washington @ Philadelphia 7:15 PM
Bro...
OHHHHHH... Who lives in the hopes of his playoff dreams? WaltDog BitterPants! Could have traded his picks, but now he is steamed? WaltDog BitterPants! If league parity is something you wish... WaltDog BitterPants! Then man the fuck up on your offers, you bitch. WaltDog BitterPants! I would have been much kinder had the Colieveland 96ers been eliminated from playoff contention this week but alas, Walters built a resilient roster (I did not) and took care of his arch rival Darrin Aschebrook by a score of 141-111 thanks to the kindness of Andrew Luck and the yet-to-be-suspendedness of Leonard Fournette. Meanwhile, I just sit in the losers' bracket, holding up my keyboard, screaming "NIHOYMENOY" into the darkness. The odds are unfortunately dwindling on there being anything besides seeding to play for in week 14 (our final week of the fantasy regular season) however, as the 96ers are in the definition of a must-win game this week versus the only unconfirmed playoff team in Nick Zurawski's 7-5 We Don't Trade Picks. A loss to Nick seals Cole's fate and a win over Nick clubs the 'fins fan over the head in aggression as both teams will fight for their playoff lives in week 14. Cole is still 148 points behind Nick and he really needs Nick to drop both of the next two games versus Cole and 8-4 Tax Paying Homeowner Alec Swanson. In other words, it's a good thing we made sure both wildcards could still come from the same divisions or else, this would have been a far less interesting season.
In other Week 12 scores, Eric Ebron has scored 52 points (over 2 games) against me this year after I doubted him throughout his entirely mediocre career. If it weren't for Ebron, an underperforming Team Easy Breesy could have dropped a pity victory my way but, putting up the least amount of points this week (105 still feels like an okay showing in my book but, scoring seems so damn high this year) means I didn't deserve a victory despite the nice bye week fill-in at QB in Lamar Jackson. For Cole Walters, the only thing funnier than 24 was seeing Leonard Fournette's 25 help the WaltDog win by 30 over the eliminated Team ChowHounds. Alec nearly had heart attack seeing Amari Cooper's greatest game in 2 years occur on his bench (38 points) along with JuJu Smith-Schuster's best game so far in 2 years occur against him, with Tyler Sneen (37 points). Luckily, Sneen can't steal a win, even on free win day (I mean... Tyreek Hill is Alec's best weapon and the Cheetah was on bye so, this could have been foretold) and Alec still came out victorious, 141-133. Lastly, Pat Mahomes was busy at home baking homemade pies (although, something tells me those might be bombs) and finding new ways to use his lifetime supply of Heinz Ketchup, leaving Scott seemingly shorthanded. If there's one thing I've learned about the WRBL, it's to never count Scott out as long as he sets a complete lineup and despite the absence of the explosive plays from Mahomes, Scott relied on consistent, reliable accuracy with Philip Rivers setting an NFL record with 25 consecutive completions to open the Chargers' win against Arizona. Oh, that and Scott's shortest player (Christian McCaffrey at 5'11'') being the only weapon consistently open for Cam Newton and grabbing an incredible 46 points for Hero of the Week honors.
Looking at the standings, Scott now has the #1 seed barring any sudden HOOPLAH! in his six-game winning streak. This is the third OFFICIAL season in a row that Scott has made the postseason. It's impossible to crown him #1 like Smitty WerbenJagerManJensen because Scott still has yet to win this league. He's always been one hell of a bridesmaid but, never the glowing bride. Alec and Ryan both sit at 8-4 and will have tougher roads ahead without Melvin Gordon (out this week for Alec) and with a matchup versus brother Scott this week (Ryan). Luckily for them, they both sit in the playoffs once again, making Ryan 2/2 on playoff appearances (he's still 6-6 in the Hypothetical Standings) and Alec 2/4 (in it for the first time since 2015). Nick is the only active player with a chance at going 4/4 on playoff appearances but, that could all be ruined as the rock that is Cole Walters could still win this snail race while the rest of us aren't paying attention. They'll settle their differences this week, as will Sneen and I (I need revenge for my 137-138 loss) and Darrin will take on Alec as there is no love lost between those two. Actually, I don't think I've ever seen those two interact. Maybe, there's no hatred either. I don't know. Weird matchup.
THE BYE WEEKS ARE FINALLY OVER! Which means it's time for players to get injured instead! Andy Dalton, Melvin Gordon and Marvin Jones were a few recent casualties and now, we get to watch the likes of Jeff Driskel, Nick Mullens, Colt McCoy and Cody Kessler quarterbacking real, live NFL games. The only thing more thrilling would be watching Josh Freeman suit up for some random team again. Be sure to check your lineups before Thursday night's epic showdown between the 10-game winning streak Saints and the 3-game winning streak Cowboys. Plenty of fantasy superstars will be determining the tone of our matchups early in that one. The noon slate is absolutely loaded with NINE games taking place, including a Broncos-Bengals wildcard battle that I'd rather sit in a cardboard box, using my imagination to decide the winner than actually sit through. The Vikings have a very tough schedule going forward and will need to win an upset somewhere down the line en route to a postseason berth so, why not steal one from the Patriots? The Sunday night game showcases Austin Ekeler and James Conner (two unknowns headed into the season) along with two 15-year quarterbacks looking for one last shot at glory as Big Ben's Steelers take on Philip's Chargers on NBC. Lastly, ESPN showcases the Eagles and Washington as that entire division might be 6-6 (except the lowly Giants) by the end of the week. It's Colt McCoy versus a not-yet-fully-healed Carson Wentz so, it's far from the excitement level of the Bubble Bowl Halftime Show but it is TECHNICALLY football so, I'm sure we'll watch.
QB
Aaron Rodgers 210 (Darrin)
Tom Brady 188 (Sneen)
Jared Goff 136 (Andy)
Andrew Luck 99 (Cole)
DeShaun Watson 95 (Cole)
Ryan Fitzpatrick 31 (Cole/Sneen)
Mitchell Trubisky 28 (Alec)
Kirk Cousins 20 (Nick)
Lamar Jackson 20 (Andy)
Andy Dalton 7 (Darrin)
RB
Alvin Kamara 263 (Darrin)
Melvin Gordon 243 (Alec)
James Conner 234 (Cole)
Kareem Hunt 223 (Andy)
David Johnson 170 (Scott/Andy)
Tevin Coleman 112 (Cole)
Jordan Howard 64 (Ryan)
Leonard Fournette 54 (Cole)
T.J. Yeldon 51 (Nick)
Kenyan Drake 37 (Nick)
Alex Collins 35 (Sneen)
Marlon Mack 34 (Cole)
Kerryon Johnson 31 (Nick)
Mark Ingram 27 (Scott)
Dalvin Cook 24 (Andy)
Dion Lewis 18 (Nick/Ryan)
Carlos Hyde 17 (Scott)
Chris Thompson 17 (Scott)
Javorius Allen 16 (Darrin)
Jamaal Williams 16 (Sneen)
Nick Chubb 15 (Scott)
Jalen Richard 15 (Sneen)
Marshawn Lynch 14 (Cole)
Devonta Freeman 12 (Sneen)
Tyreek Hill 248 (Alec)
Michael Thomas 233 (Ryan)
Antonio Brown 220 (Darrin)
DeAndre Hopkins 215 (Nick)
Odell Beckham Jr. 180 (Andy/Scott)
A.J. Green 143 (Cole)
Robert Woods 103 (Sneen)
Jarvis Landry 91 (Scott)
Demaryius Thomas 91 (Darrin)
Sammy Watkins 52 (Sneen)
Marvin Jones 20 (Darrin)
Allen Robinson 19 (Alec)
Will Fuller 17 (Sneen)
Nelson Agholor 13 (Ryan)
Keelan Cole 12 (Andy)
Travis Kelce 194 (Nick)
George Kittle 140 (Cole)
Jimmy Graham 87 (Darrin)
David Njoku 56 (Alec)
Trey Burton 44 (Alec)
Kyle Rudolph 43 (Ryan)
Evan Engram 36 (Andy)
Austin Hooper 36 (Andy/Scott)
Greg Olsen 13 (Ryan/Cole)
Benjamin Watson 10 (Andy)
Stephen Gostkowski 102 (Nick)
Mason Crosby 96 (Sneen)
Greg Zuerlein 71 (Ryan)
Matt Bryant 52 (Cole)
Dan Bailey 31 (Darrin)
Adam Vinatieri 14 (Nick/Ryan)
Ka'imi Fairbairn 12 (Andy)
Jake Elliott 10 (Darrin)
Los Angeles Rams 70 (Scott)
Jacksonville Jaguars 47 (Alec)
Indianapolis Colts 34 (Andy/Sneen)
Philadelphia Eagles 34 (Ryan)
Carolina Panthers 21 (Cole)
Cleveland Browns 19 (Nick/Darrin)
Kansas City Chiefs 17 (Alec)
Arizona Cardinals 16 (Cole/Nick)
Washington 14 (Ryan)
Buffalo Bills 13 (Cole)
Tax Paying Homeowner 9-3
Team Easy Breesy 6-6
The Team Known As Bad 4-8
In other Week 12 scores, Eric Ebron has scored 52 points (over 2 games) against me this year after I doubted him throughout his entirely mediocre career. If it weren't for Ebron, an underperforming Team Easy Breesy could have dropped a pity victory my way but, putting up the least amount of points this week (105 still feels like an okay showing in my book but, scoring seems so damn high this year) means I didn't deserve a victory despite the nice bye week fill-in at QB in Lamar Jackson. For Cole Walters, the only thing funnier than 24 was seeing Leonard Fournette's 25 help the WaltDog win by 30 over the eliminated Team ChowHounds. Alec nearly had heart attack seeing Amari Cooper's greatest game in 2 years occur on his bench (38 points) along with JuJu Smith-Schuster's best game so far in 2 years occur against him, with Tyler Sneen (37 points). Luckily, Sneen can't steal a win, even on free win day (I mean... Tyreek Hill is Alec's best weapon and the Cheetah was on bye so, this could have been foretold) and Alec still came out victorious, 141-133. Lastly, Pat Mahomes was busy at home baking homemade pies (although, something tells me those might be bombs) and finding new ways to use his lifetime supply of Heinz Ketchup, leaving Scott seemingly shorthanded. If there's one thing I've learned about the WRBL, it's to never count Scott out as long as he sets a complete lineup and despite the absence of the explosive plays from Mahomes, Scott relied on consistent, reliable accuracy with Philip Rivers setting an NFL record with 25 consecutive completions to open the Chargers' win against Arizona. Oh, that and Scott's shortest player (Christian McCaffrey at 5'11'') being the only weapon consistently open for Cam Newton and grabbing an incredible 46 points for Hero of the Week honors.
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| Will Lester This week, Philip Rivers was busy making Nick Zurawski his ninth child. |
Looking at the standings, Scott now has the #1 seed barring any sudden HOOPLAH! in his six-game winning streak. This is the third OFFICIAL season in a row that Scott has made the postseason. It's impossible to crown him #1 like Smitty WerbenJagerManJensen because Scott still has yet to win this league. He's always been one hell of a bridesmaid but, never the glowing bride. Alec and Ryan both sit at 8-4 and will have tougher roads ahead without Melvin Gordon (out this week for Alec) and with a matchup versus brother Scott this week (Ryan). Luckily for them, they both sit in the playoffs once again, making Ryan 2/2 on playoff appearances (he's still 6-6 in the Hypothetical Standings) and Alec 2/4 (in it for the first time since 2015). Nick is the only active player with a chance at going 4/4 on playoff appearances but, that could all be ruined as the rock that is Cole Walters could still win this snail race while the rest of us aren't paying attention. They'll settle their differences this week, as will Sneen and I (I need revenge for my 137-138 loss) and Darrin will take on Alec as there is no love lost between those two. Actually, I don't think I've ever seen those two interact. Maybe, there's no hatred either. I don't know. Weird matchup.
THE BYE WEEKS ARE FINALLY OVER! Which means it's time for players to get injured instead! Andy Dalton, Melvin Gordon and Marvin Jones were a few recent casualties and now, we get to watch the likes of Jeff Driskel, Nick Mullens, Colt McCoy and Cody Kessler quarterbacking real, live NFL games. The only thing more thrilling would be watching Josh Freeman suit up for some random team again. Be sure to check your lineups before Thursday night's epic showdown between the 10-game winning streak Saints and the 3-game winning streak Cowboys. Plenty of fantasy superstars will be determining the tone of our matchups early in that one. The noon slate is absolutely loaded with NINE games taking place, including a Broncos-Bengals wildcard battle that I'd rather sit in a cardboard box, using my imagination to decide the winner than actually sit through. The Vikings have a very tough schedule going forward and will need to win an upset somewhere down the line en route to a postseason berth so, why not steal one from the Patriots? The Sunday night game showcases Austin Ekeler and James Conner (two unknowns headed into the season) along with two 15-year quarterbacks looking for one last shot at glory as Big Ben's Steelers take on Philip's Chargers on NBC. Lastly, ESPN showcases the Eagles and Washington as that entire division might be 6-6 (except the lowly Giants) by the end of the week. It's Colt McCoy versus a not-yet-fully-healed Carson Wentz so, it's far from the excitement level of the Bubble Bowl Halftime Show but it is TECHNICALLY football so, I'm sure we'll watch.
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| Nickelodeon RIP Stephen Hillenburg |
Scoring Leaders
Patrick Mahomes 256 (Andy/Scott)
Drew Brees 252 (Ryan)
Matt Ryan 217 (Alec)
Cam Newton 215 (Nick)
Russell Wilson 61 (Scott/Andy)
Philip Rivers 42 (Nick/Scott)
Carson Wentz 35 (Scott/Ryan)
Carson Wentz 35 (Scott/Ryan)
Mitchell Trubisky 28 (Alec)
Kirk Cousins 20 (Nick)
Lamar Jackson 20 (Andy)
Andy Dalton 7 (Darrin)
RB
Todd Gurley 288 (Ryan)
Saquon Barkley 278 (Alec)
Christian McCaffrey 256 (Scott)
Ezekiel Elliott 227 (Nick)
James White 205 (Darrin)
Joe Mixon 124 (Andy/Scott)
Isaiah Crowell 73 (Sneen)
LeSean McCoy 66 (Darrin)
Sony Michel 66 (Sneen)
Matt Breida 56 (Andy)
Aaron Jones 49 (Nick)
Phillip Lindsay 49 (Ryan)
Giovani Bernard 43 (Nick)
Giovani Bernard 43 (Nick)
Tarik Cohen 42 (Alec)
Lamar Miller 36 (Darrin)
Adrian Peterson 28 (Ryan)
Chris Carson 19 (Nick)
Latavius Murray 19 (Darrin)
Duke Johnson Jr. 18 (Andy)Dion Lewis 18 (Nick/Ryan)
Nick Chubb 15 (Scott)
Jalen Richard 15 (Sneen)
Marshawn Lynch 14 (Cole)
Devonta Freeman 12 (Sneen)
Austin Ekeler 11 (Andy)
Peyton Barber 3 (Cole)
Peyton Barber 3 (Cole)
WR
Adam Thielen 252 (Cole)
Davante Adams 235 (Scott)
Julio Jones 224 (Ryan)
Mike Evans 197 (Scott)
Stefon Diggs 194 (Alec)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 189 (Sneen)
Keenan Allen 177 (Nick)
T.Y. Hilton 148 (Andy)
Brandin Cooks 105 (Nick)
Emmanuel Sanders 92 (Cole)
Cooper Kupp 61 (Alec)
Golden Tate 54 (Ryan)
Julian Edelman 52 (Nick)
Josh Gordon 45 (Andy)
Tyler Boyd 35 (Cole)
Doug Baldwin 34 (Sneen)
Alshon Jeffery 34 (Ryan)
Sterling Shepard 32 (Andy)
Larry Fitzgerald 30 (Cole)
Chris Hogan 27 (Sneen)
D.J. Moore 28 (Alec)
Tyler Lockett 21 (Darrin)
Chris Godwin 18 (Darrin)
Devin Funchess 14 (Andy)
John Brown 12 (Andy)
Jamison Crowder 9 (Andy)
Taylor Gabriel 9 (Alec)
Randall Cobb 8 (Nick)
Randall Cobb 8 (Nick)
Corey Davis 5 (Ryan)
Kenny Golladay 5 (Scott)
Amari Cooper 1 (Alec)
DeVante Parker 1 (Cole)
TE
Zach Ertz 205 (Sneen)
Eric Ebron 114 (Ryan)
Jordan Reed 78 (Scott/Nick)
Rob Gronkowski 69 (Sneen)
Jared Cook 51 (Scott/Darrin)
O.J. Howard 39 (Andy)
Greg Olsen 13 (Ryan/Cole)
Benjamin Watson 10 (Andy)
C.J. Uzomah 9 (Darrin)
Delanie Walker 9 (Cole)
Delanie Walker 9 (Cole)
K
Wil Lutz 121 (Alec)
Harrison Butker 103 (Andy)
Justin Tucker 100 (Scott)
Matt Prater 71 (Ryan/Cole)
Robbie Gould 44 (Darrin)
Adam Vinatieri 14 (Nick/Ryan)
Ka'imi Fairbairn 12 (Andy)
Jake Elliott 10 (Darrin)
Cairo Santos 10 (Ryan)
Jason Myers 6 (Scott)
Ryan Succop 5 (Nick)
Graham Gano 3 (Alec)
Jason Myers 6 (Scott)
Ryan Succop 5 (Nick)
Graham Gano 3 (Alec)
Chris Boswell 2 (Darrin)
DF
Chicago Bears 85 (Andy)
Houston Texans 82 (Sneen/Nick/Ryan)
Houston Texans 82 (Sneen/Nick/Ryan)
Baltimore Ravens 72 (Darrin/Andy/Scott)
Minnesota Vikings 59 (Cole/Darrin)
Los Angeles Chargers 38 (Nick)
Green Bay Packers 29 (Sneen)
New England Patriots 24 (Nick/Andy)
Miami Dolphins 18 (Sneen)
Washington 14 (Ryan)
Pittsburgh Steelers 11 (Alec)
Dallas Cowboys 7 (Cole)
Denver Broncos -2 (Nick)
Dallas Cowboys 7 (Cole)
Denver Broncos -2 (Nick)
New Orleans Saints -4 (Andy)
New York Jets -6 (Darrin/Andy)
New York Jets -6 (Darrin/Andy)
Hypothetical Standings
We Don't Trade Picks 9-3
Walter Polish Z Slayers 8-4
Colieveland 96ers 6-6
Team ChowHounds 5-7
SNEEN MACHINE 1-11
