Miley Cyrus And Her Dead Petz Instant Reactions

It was 11:50 PM when I decided that the migraine-inducing, cringe-tacular, bore-fest VMAs were now a thing of the past and I decided to give the only reason that Miley Cyrus hosted, her new album Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz a listen.

You can listen to whole 92-minute album here

Here are my instant reactions that I had (without much editing) during/after each song.

Dooo It!: While I dislike The Flaming Lips (minus two or three songs), I like when they are in the background or producing such as on this song and I didn't mind the song (in fact I quite liked it) until the last 90 seconds were just Miley shouting about how she doesn't give a fuck when she oh so clearly does. NEXT!

Karen Don't Be Sad: (Almost typed Sade. 'Memba her?) Is legitimately a great song. It's the best parts of The Flaming Lips and Miley mashed into one timeless song. I just want to skip through a field of dandelions. Fuck bees though.

The Floyd Song (Sunrise): Feels like a song that Amy Winehouse (RIP) would have done by now. This is another very good song, the vibe so far is clearly stonerriffic but, it's like Tame Impala in the way that you don't need any drugs to fully appreciate it (This song that is). I don't have any idea how this turns into an album with 5 songs produced by Mike Will Made It. I'm scared.

Something About Space Dude: Works out well because of it's simplicity. Guitar? Check. Little drum pad thing for tiny heartbeats? Check. Echo effect on Miley's voice? Check. This is the song with the reddest eyes thus far.

Space Boots: Continues the Spacey theme (When does Kevin Spacey make an appearance). This is a Lana Del Rey song. That seems to be a very popular theme for some female artists to grab onto lately. I can't talk about the lyrics because I'm not looking at them but, from what I can tell, the writing for this song could have used some help (considering Miley wrote the song all by herself! Here's a golden star sticker as reward!). It's fine. Might grow on me.

Fuckin Fucked Up: Seems to signal a change in tune. I'm scared again.

BB Talk: It's nice to know that Miley cringes at herself sometimes because she certainly is not alone. As it tuns out, "FFU" was just an intro. Oh come on. Her talking voice is so annoying, sorry. I can't handle this song with the parts of her complaining about some significant other. WAIT, IS SHE REALLY COMPLAINING ABOUT EMOJIS AND COMPLIMENTING ARMPITS? I hate this. The song would be fantastic if she just. Stopped. TALKING. At least it is very original.

Fweaky: Starts off with the token "Mike Will Made It" drop and I'm worried that his production could derail the vibe (Maybe Miley's talking already did). This song is actually sexy in a way that if it were anybody besides Miley, I would find it very sexy (Literally anyone. I see you, Linda Tripp). Nanananana. The ratio between stupidly titled songs:good songs has never been more lopsided on an album. I like this.

Bang Me Box: Is Miley's "Something, something Disco Stick" song (Lady Gaga. 'Memba her?). Decent driving song. Very generic minus the parts about Miley singing "Bang Me Box" which is hilarious. Her neck, her back, etc...

Milky Milky Milk: Brings Wayne Coyne back into the album. Miley's singing is reminiscent of 90's to early 2000's Madonna. Wait wait, "Sucking on my nipple?"... This album really isn't holding anything back. No euphemisms or anything, just "fuck me and suck my tits". I love boldness. This album is bold. Good lord, there are 13 songs left?

Cyrus Skies: Reminds me of... DON'T SAY IT... Pink... DON'T YOU DARE!... Floyd. Pink Floyd, I said it. This is another awesome song (she's like 7/11 on those, I'm not keeping track). Best song on the album and I'm pretty much only 50% done. I love this song so much upon first listen.

Pre-warning about the following song: I am a Phantogram stan and this song features Sarah Barthel of Phantogram, it will take a lot for me to not appreciate it in some way.

Slab of Butter (Scorpion): Sounds like a Mario game mixed by Mike Will Made It and the echo-effect has not gotten old yet. I love that Miley took the back seat for Sarah on this song. It is incredible. "I feel like a slab of butter that is melting in the sun" might be my favorite chorus on the album. I don't give a fuck. The production is on point.

I'm So Drunk: Is 46 seconds. At first, I'm thinking NOOOO, not another interlude... BUT WAIT, It's just a little chipmunk voice over a bizarre Flaming Lips beat. No speaking parts! I like it!

I Forgive Yiew: Starts out like most of Bangerz (Which is incredibly cringey). The production does not seemed to have changed much from "Slab of Butter" except it is upbeat. The production is fine (although the song should have placed elsewhere on the album to give the listener some time to forget the beat). This song feels lazy but, two different writers and thrice produced? This one feels like she reached base on an error (Baseball reference!). It's good that it isn't too long or it'd be a super weakness for the streak of good songs she has on this album. One thumb down, the other nervously trembling in indecision.

I Get So Scared: Feels like Phantogram covering an Usher song and putting their own little twist on it. Make any sense? No? Ok, I'll show myself out. It's a smooth breakup track to cry to (if you actually have emotions unlike myself).

Lighter: Is a straight up 80's pop ballad. Fuck yes. Where is Ann Wilson? It is 2015 and we have too goddamn long for some new Ann Wilson/Heart music. Also, the rent is too damn high. In a shocker of shocking twisty twist proportions, this song is the only track that I have heard so far that has any chance of regular rotation on mainstream radio stations. It's a really nice throwback and I have no idea how Big "ASSASSASSASS STOP!" Sean is featured on the following track.

I should mention that "Lighter" is nowhere near bombastic enough of a song to feature Ann Wilson but, it gave me a weird deja vu of Heart ballads. THEEEESE DREEEAMS.

Tangerine: Features the first ever collaboration between Big Sean and The Flaming Lips (no way those dudes were in the studio at the same time). It's a slow burner and then Big Sean shows up and he sounds so borrrrrred. Oh wait, he's getting into it. This is now the new song with the reddest eyes. I'd like to think that Big Sean got high with the crew at G.O.O.D. Music and they started smelling colors as a result of this song. I think I'm getting a contact high from this song. It's a strange one and I have no opinions yet other than I don't hate it.

Tiger Dreams: Ariel Pink fits right into all of this bizarre-ness very well. It just makes sense. "Tiger Dreams" has Miley dreaming about being eaten by a tiger so.... that's a thing. I'd like to imagine that the Tiger of which she speaks is former-Detroit Tiger Prince Fielder (Another baseball reference!). The tune just switched into an organ-playing phantom of the opera musical where Ariel Pink plays the angel of music. Oh cool, auto-tune breaks! This is the type of auto-tune that is passable (Looking at you, 2010's Lil' Wayne). Is Ariel Pink just making baby noises in the background? I really dig this too! Miley is giving it her all and it's almost unfair that she's so faded out in this song but damn, it works.

Evil Is But A Shadow: Reminds me of the slower songs of TV On The Radio and it has a very Lana-60's throwback feel to it but, with the beats of Yeezus. At 3 minutes in, it's back to being a Flaming Lips song with Miley singing lead. Perfect song to roll the credits on. Oh, but there are four songs left? Ok.

1 Sun: Oh? Her voice is back at the forefront of the song? A sudden change that I'm not sure I welcomed with open arms. This is a Lady Gaga song 1,010% (I make up percentages just like Randy Jackson, I am not any better than the judges on American Idol and that is fine with me). This feels out of place and yet, it's a decent pop song. "1 Sun" has a chance of making the mainstream radio. Only the second song out of twenty. It's a strong future single as it is poppy.

Pablow The Blowfish: Why is she singing about her pet fish? Why did she name her album "Miley Cyrus and Her Dead Petz"? Drugs? Quirky desperation? A little bit of both I'd assume. I heard a rumor about this song existing at the SNL 40th anniversary after-party in February. Do blowfish have personalities? Is this song three deep five me? Sadie and Lady rhyme is cute in the way that she is not serious about trying to rhyme. Is she crying and sniffling? I'm concerned about this. AHH PIANO CRASH.

Correction: As my friend T.J. informed me, "Actually the name of the album literally was inspired after her dog, Floyd, was eaten by coyotes while she was on tour. She claimed that after he died a Chinese healer came and sucked the dog out of her lungs, at which point she pet the dog for three hours, and then told Wayne Coyne that she had to let go and had him put his energy out." Thank you, T.J. for making Miley Cyrus's day-to-day life that much more interesting to me.

Miley Tibetan Bowlzz: Is her last song produced by The Flaming Lips. It's just Miley moaning/whaling over an orchestra and it works?! How did she make this album so good and the VMAs so bad!?

Twinkle Song: Is pretty much a piano plus Miley plus children's lyrics with additional sailor-level cursing and OH MY GOD SHE IS SCREAMING AND IT IS 1 AM PLEASE Stop. Thank god she stopped.

Miley is just living life like the rest of us (only with more money and fame), trying to figure out what it all means and having fun with fun people and weird characters along the way . "Dooo It!" would be enough to make the casual listener stop listening but, the rest of this album is stunningly fantastic. It didn't even feel like a 92-minute album and there were only one or two songs I might have cut out if I were her. I don't have any idea what any of it meant or where I left my keys or why I can't feel my face but, I love it.