Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Our eighth official season of blaming Cole Walters for Nick forgetting to update the ESPN settings again.
Bro...
Smoky the Bear once suggested that "Only you can prevent forest fires" and by putting out Sparky's team, we have averted a postseason inferno. After a 2-4 start led to a five-game winning streak, Sparky's place as the lone rookie owner in the postseason seemed like a certainty headed into week 12. Week 15 is here and it's playoff time but alas, Here Dad Weights waits for another year as his team dropped three consecutive losses while Brett achieved the opposite (3 consecutive wins) and now, we have three Shooter McGavin representatives in the playoff while the Steven Nett Division is solely represented by one Cole Walters. The big turning point was Week 12 of course, and Jalen Hurts' 157 rushing yards through the underperforming Green Bay Packer defense (what happened to De'Vondre Campbell?). That Sunday night avalanche of points gave Brett a 6.02-point victory over Jaime and the rest is history. Perhaps had TE Dallas Goedert not been placed on IR prior to that primetime showcase, Sparky might have avoided all of this crushing disappointment. Dawson Knox has been about as inconsistent as every other non-Kelce Tight End, scoring 3.7 for Here Dad Weights in his close week 12 loss, dropping a donut (0.0) in week 13's loss and finally showing up this week (14.1), only for Sparky to run into the other sudden buzzsaw and playoff spoiler that is Nathaniel Hoefs' team of non-hatred. I guess in a roundabout way, love wins?
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| Let Waiver Wonder TE Evan Engram's week 14 showing be the gold standard representative of "What the fuck even was the Tight End position in 2022?". |
I would be negligent if I didn't also take this opportunity to also acknowledge the fall of commissioner Nick Zurawski and his team, Scott's Many Endeavors. A last-place divisional squad that couldn't make the miraculous a reality this week with his costly loss to Kyler's Study Buddies. Brett's Week 14 showing was 20.98 points greater than any other Bro League team so, Nick is simply a victim of circumstance here despite the hypothetical loss as well. The Hypothetical standings are very much alive and well (heating up in fact!) with Cole's 96ers dropping to 10-4 after spending 9 of the first 10 weeks in the winner's circle. Not to focus too much energy on fantasy fantasy but, if we really just said "screw rivalries" and decided to roto out the first 14 weeks and let the top 4 scorers every week define our postseason structure, I'd be out of luck as the lone 8-6 Sacko bracket participant. On the opposite end of things, Jaime would be 9-5 and challenging division rival Cole Walters for league supremacy in the coming weeks with or without playoffs. Revisionist history is one thing but I do think it's time to reflect on the best players who won't be playing for a Bro League title anymore. I present the following lineup for entertainment purposes only...
The Sacko All-Stars
QB - Patrick Mahomes (QB1)
RB - Austin Ekeler (RB1)
RB - Jonathan Taylor (#1 overall pick)
WR - Tyreek Hill (WR2)
WR - CeeDee Lamb (Hoefs' WR1 post-Kupp)
TE - Dallas Goedert (Coming off IR, still somehow TE4)
FLEX - WR Cooper Kupp (#1 scorer in 2021)
K - Daniel Carlson (T-K1 with Bass)
D/ST - San Francisco 49ers (DF1)
There's only two weeks of fantasy football fun remaining to decide who wins the 2022 Wisconsin Rapids Bro League and with three Saturday games coming up before the Christmas holiday throws our schedules into a blender, it's never been more important to just continue looking at those fantasy lineups on a daily basis. Niners-Seahawks gets the first week of the postseason kicked off on Thursday Night Football via Amazon Prime and who'd have thought that the NFC's postseason picture might feature both Brock Purdy and Geno Smith at the start of the season? Not me. The absence of Jimmy G under center did not hinder 49er wideouts Deebo Samuel or Brandon Aiyuk but with Samuel likely out until the NFL's postseason, Alec is down at least one of the bodies that carried him to the #1 seed and I can't think of a worse time to have that inconvenience strike Alec's lineup when A. there are taxes to be paid and B. Brett is en fuego and will have more time to look over his roster with severe weather potentially cancelling a day or two of school. Of course, I'll be facing a similar challenge with Cole being in a similar profession and his tendency to dig deep for golden gems off the waiver wire. The 96ers are coming off of the unquestionably most humiliating loss of the 2022 season so far. It's one thing to not crack triple digits in PPR, let alone 90 points but to have your opponent straight up hand you an L in the most disrespectful of fashions by not even starting a 2nd Running Back or a Kicker, costing you the #1 seed that your team held all season long until now? What did Cole do to piss Alec off? I'm impressed by the pettiness either way and as much as I'd love to win the league, I think we all need to see Cole versus Alec once more in some fashion and that will only happen with both teams winning or losing this week. Imagine the hype! No wait... don't force it! Just let this play out naturally. We've got a rookie, a rivalry and the Rule of Law in the playoffs, there's plenty of drama no matter the results.
Steven Nett Division
#2 Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 9-5 L1 (1,827.38)
Here Dad Weights (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 7-7 L3 (1,814.22)
No Antisemites Allowed (Nathaniel Hoefs) 5-9 W3 (1,648.98)
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 3-11 L5 (1,658.6)
Shooter McGavin Division
#1 Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 10-4 W1 (1,875.38)
#3 The Rule of Law (Andy Todd) 8-6 W1 (1,754.74)
#4 Kyler's Study Buddies (Brett Weinfurter) 8-6 W3 (1,814.24)
Scott's Many Endeavors (Nick Zurawski) 6-8 L1 (1,706.84)
Week Fourteen Final Scores
ALEC defeats COLE 111.46-89.8
BRETT defeats NICK 153.28-115.1
HOEFS defeats SPARKY 132.3-115.38
ANDY defeats GABE 124.62-109.16
Heroes of the Week: QB Trevor Lawrence (33.42, Andy), WR Justin Jefferson (33.3, Alec), QB Jalen Hurts (30.38, Brett)
Waiver Wonders: TE Evan Engram (39.2), RB Jerick McKinnon (32.4), QB Russell Wilson (25.58)
Benchwarmers of the Week: WR Jerry Jeudy (33.3, Alec), WR Mike Williams (23.6, Hoefs), WR JuJu Smith-Schuster (22.4, Hoefs)
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AP Photo/Chris Carlson
Waiver Wonder: TE Evan Engram (11 catches, 162 yards, 2 TD) |
Upcoming Week 15 Schedule: WRBL & NFL
#1 Alec v. #4 Brett
#2 Cole v. #3 Andy
#5 Sparky v. #8 Gabe
#6 Nick v. #7 Hoefs
THURSDAY @ 7:15 PM CT: San Francisco @ Seattle
SATURDAY: Indianapolis @ Minnesota NOON
Baltimore @ Cleveland 3:30 PM
Miami @ Buffalo 7:15 PM
Sunday Noon CT: Philadelphia @ Chicago
Dallas @ Jacksonville
Detroit @ NY Jets
Kansas City @ Houston
Pittsburgh @ Carolina
Atlanta @ New Orleans
3:05 PM CT: New England @ Las Vegas
Arizona @ Denver
3:25 PM CT: Cincinnati @ Tampa Bay
Tennessee @ LA Chargers
SNF @ 7:20 PM CT: NY Giants @ Washington
MNF @ 7:15 PM CT: LA Rams @ Green Bay
Scoring Leaders
QB
Patrick Mahomes 320.3 (Sparky)
Jalen Hurts 310.16 (Brett)
Josh Allen 294.34 (Cole)
Lamar Jackson 234.74 (Nick)
Trevor Lawrence 178.8 (Andy)
Kyler Murray 166.5 (Hoefs)
Geno Smith 135.04 (Gabe)
Russell Wilson 99.06 (Gabe/Andy)
Justin Fields 58.64 (Nick)
Tom Brady 55.54 (Andy/Hoefs/Alec)
Daniel Jones 42.92 (Hoefs)
Justin Herbert 41.38 (Brett)
Tua Tagovailoa 28.54 (Cole)
Jared Goff 26.1 (Nick)
Kirk Cousins 25 (Hoefs)
Derek Carr 20.28 (Gabe)
Aaron Rodgers 15.22 (Sparky)
Dak Prescott 12.28 (Hoefs)
Jimmy Garoppolo 8.44 (Andy)
Deshaun Watson 5.34 (Hoefs)
RB
Austin Ekeler 292.7 (Sparky)
Josh Jacobs 274.5 (Alec)
Christian McCaffrey 260.36 (Andy)
Derrick Henry 244.06 (Andy)
Saquon Barkley 219.6 (Cole)
Aaron Jones 201.5 (Brett)
Dalvin Cook 191 (Nick)
Nick Chubb 176.9 (Gabe)
Joe Mixon 169.3 (Gabe)
Leonard Fournette 154.7 (Nick)
Jonathan Taylor 144.1 (Gabe)
Tony Pollard 138.4 (Hoefs)
Alvin Kamara 135.9 (Sparky)
David Montgomery 135.5 (Alec)
Rhamondre Stevenson 112.3 (Cole)
Miles Sanders 108.6 (Cole/Brett)
Kenneth Walker 108.4 (Andy)
D'Andre Swift 107.2 (Hoefs)
Najee Harris 104.76 (Nick)
Breece Hall 86.9 (Brett/Cole)
Jeff Wilson Jr. 68.6 (Hoefs)
James Conner 64.9 (Nick/Brett)
Ezekiel Elliott 61.1 (Andy/Nick)
Antonio Gibson 58.2 (Gabe)
Raheem Mostert 48.4 (Hoefs/Cole)
Travis Etienne 48 (Nick)
Javonte Williams 42 (Cole)
Dameon Pierce 36 (Andy)
Melvin Gordon 31.4 (Cole)
James Robinson 29.4 (Hoefs)
Kareem Hunt 26.3 (Brett)
D'Onta Foreman 25.5 (Andy)
Eno Benjamin 23.3 (Hoefs)
Clyde Edwards-Helaire 22.3 (Sparky)
Devin Singletary 21 (Gabe)
Latavius Murray 19 (Sparky)
Michael Carter 15.6 (Cole)
Khalil Herbert 11.1 (Alec)
Deon Jackson 5.6 (Gabe)
Jamaal Williams 5.6 (Nick)
Elijah Mitchell 4.1 (Hoefs)
J.K. Dobbins 1.5 (Alec)
Rashaad Penny 1.5 (Hoefs)
Kenyan Drake 0.8 (Sparky)
WR
Justin Jefferson 296.66 (Alec)
Tyreek Hill 291 (Gabe)
Davante Adams 278.6 (Brett)
Stefon Diggs 277.9 (Cole)
A.J. Brown 223 (Nick)
CeeDee Lamb 210.7 (Hoefs)
Cooper Kupp 201.4 (Hoefs)
Ja'Marr Chase 186.9 (Brett)
Jaylen Waddle 177.6 (Cole)
Deebo Samuel 164 (Alec)
Mike Evans 157.5 (Andy)
Amon-Ra St. Brown 156.9 (Nick)
Terry McLaurin 155.4 (Alec)
DeAndre Hopkins 137.3 (Andy)
Tee Higgins 125.7 (Sparky)
Michael Pittman Jr. 125.3 (Sparky)
DeVonta Smith 118.3 (Gabe)
Christian Kirk 107.2 (Sparky)
DK Metcalf 107.1 (Brett)
Chris Godwin 101.7 (Hoefs)
Courtland Sutton 101.2 (Gabe)
Marquise Brown 89.8 (Andy)
Mike Williams 81.7 (Sparky/Hoefs)
Chris Olave 73.2 (Sparky)
Christian Watson 66.5 (Sparky)
Tyler Lockett 66.2 (Andy/Cole)
Drake London 62.8 (Brett)
Brandon Aiyuk 49 (Alec)
Allen Lazard 47.5 (Cole)
Brandin Cooks 45.2 (Cole/Brett)
Diontae Johnson 39.9 (Nick)
Amari Cooper 39.3 (Andy)
Garrett Wilson 38 (Hoefs)
Gabe Davis 36 (Nick)
D.J. Moore 33.6 (Hoefs)
Keenan Allen 31.8 (Brett)
Tyler Boyd 28.4 (Cole)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 28 (Andy/Hoefs)
Adam Thielen 19.5 (Sparky)
Joshua Palmer 18.6 (Alec)
Curtis Samuel 10.4 (Hoefs)
Rondale Moore 4.1 (Cole)
TE
Travis Kelce 257.4 (Alec)
Mark Andrews 157.9 (Andy)
T.J. Hockenson 129.5 (Cole)
Dallas Goedert 113.4 (Sparky)
Zach Ertz 88.7 (Brett)
Dalton Schultz 86.6 (Nick)
George Kittle 83.2 (Hoefs)Kyle Pitts 56 (Gabe)
Gerald Everett 53.3 (Gabe)
Dawson Knox 44.5 (Nick/Sparky)
Hayden Hurst 41.5 (Cole/Nick/Brett)
Darren Waller 39.5 (Brett/Nick)
David Njoku 32.8 (Sparky/Hoefs)
Tyler Higbee 27.4 (Hoefs)Pat Freiermuth 16.6 (Cole)
Foster Moreau 13.3 (Andy)
Mike Gesicki 12.8 (Alec)
Greg Dulcich 7.2 (Brett)
Taysom Hill 1.12 (Andy)
K
Tyler Bass 126 (Cole)
Daniel Carlson 126 (Nick/Hoefs)
Justin Tucker 119 (Sparky)Evan McPherson 105 (Brett)
Ryan Succop 85 (Andy)Younghoe Koo 65 (Gabe)
Brandon McManus 64 (Alec/Gabe)
Jason Myers 54 (Nick)
Brett Maher 48 (Cole/Nick)
Graham Gano 32 (Hoefs/Sparky)
Cairo Santos 23 (Alec)
Matt Gay 22 (Hoefs)
Harrison Butker 17 (Gabe/Alec/Brett)
Jake Elliott 16 (Gabe)
Rodrigo Blankenship 8 (Andy)
Nick Folk 2 (Andy)
DF
San Francisco 49ers 117 (Gabe)
Dallas Cowboys 114 (Brett/Hoefs/Nick)
Buffalo Bills 108 (Sparky)
New England Patriots 70 (Hoefs/Alec/Cole)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 65 (Alec)
Philadelphia Eagles 59 (Andy)
Denver Broncos 47 (Cole)
Baltimore Ravens 38 (Nick/Gabe)
Minnesota Vikings 31 (Brett)
Green Bay Packers 30 (Hoefs)
Cleveland Browns 29 (Cole)
Miami Dolphins 26 (Nick)
Los Angeles Rams 26 (Andy)
Kansas City Chiefs 25 (Nick/Hoefs)
New York Jets 22 (Andy/Hoefs)
Pittsburgh Steelers 22 (Nick/Alec)
Tennessee Titans 18 (Sparky)
New Orleans Saints 16 (Cole)
Indianapolis Colts 8 (Andy/Cole)
Atlanta Falcons 8 (Alec)
Seattle Seahawks 8 (Hoefs)
Cincinnati Bengals 7 (Cole/Nick)
Los Angeles Chargers 7 (Nick)
Chicago Bears 6 (Cole)
Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)
Colieveland 96ers 10-4
Here Dad Weights 9-5
Tax Paying Homeowner 8-6
Kyler's Study Buddies 8-6
The Rule of Law 8-6
Scott's Many Endeavors 5-9
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 4-10
No Antisemites Allowed 4-10
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