WRBL Week 4, 2023

 Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Our ninth official season of blaming Cole Walters for not blocking for Danny Dimes.

Bro... 

"What have you done for me lately?" is both a 1986 song by Janet Jackson and the question MVP voters must be asking themselves now that Tua Tagovailoa had one forgettable game versus Josh Allen, who looked like an AI quarterback sent to destroy worlds this past weekend. Now despite having one truly awful performance (Week 1 @ the since-winless Jets), Allen's MVP odds have passed up Tua's even though Josh Allen will never have to play Buffalo's so-far superior defense and Tua can't catch a break versus Miami's CB2 being Kader Kohou until Jalen Ramsey eventually heals up. It's amazing how quickly we forget things but, this Josh Allen hot streak isn't new to us either considering Cole Walters just won a WRBL championship thanks to the man running an elite offense for a year and change, leading me to finally announce the 2022 WRBL Award Winners...

2022 End-of-season Awards

WRBL Rookie of the Year - 2021 Draft Pick but, first-time WRBL scorer QB Trevor Lawrence (Andy Todd)

WRBL Draft Bust of the Year - #7 overall pick, RB Najee Harris (Nick Zurawski)

The Waiver Wonder of the Year - RB Rhamondre Stevenson (Cole Walters)

WRBL Comeback Player of the Year - RB Christian McCaffrey (Andy Todd)

MVP (Chosen by league champion): QB Josh Allen (Cole Walters)

Peter Aiken/AP
Some things never change, the Buffalo Bills not winning the Super Bowl and QB Josh Allen being extraordinarily valuable.

Allen's value also comes with spreading the wealth as Cole made absolutely certain to hoard Buffalo Bills early in rounds one and two of our draft after trading down with Andy Todd for the Allen/Stefon Diggs combo, later drafting kicker Tyler Bass again. Those three Bills alone combined for 86.5 points, enough to beat Jaime Sparkes this week and eventually combining with the remainder of the 96ers' lineup's 64.3 additional points to take down 2-2 Nick Zurawski for the sole leadership of the Steven Nett Division. This week, it'll be the battle of divisional superiority as my 3-1 Lord Pretty Flacco Joey faces the 3-1 96ers as we hope to gain a bit more clarity with everyone two games apart a month into the young season after Alec finally won (he's third in scoring!) over LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE.

One of my least favorite things that the NFL does every year is stack the noon slot so full that there is only room for three late-afternoon games and the quadbox puts a magnifying glass on this issue when the only other choices are a large chunk of your television screen going unused or throwing the RedZone (which is typically ten seconds behind at least) in the fourth box. This is the ultimate first-world complaint but after the bonkers brain stimulation that is the early slate of NFL action, it's almost like my brain can't readjust to JUST watching three games at once. What have I become? Well, I can't answer that until after years and years of therapy but I can at least continue to give my takeaways from this past weekend's football...

-  Not sure what Vic Fangio is doing for the Dolphins defensive gameplanning but Kader Kohou v. Stefon Diggs can't happen again.

- Green Bay lost by one to Atlanta and beat New Orleans by one because those are all 7-10 or 8-9 teams.

- Jared Goff might be Kurt Warner.

- People that purchase the Sunday Ticket should at least get every 8:30 AM London game, nobody is shelling out the bucks for NFL+ to watch Jaguars-Falcons.

- Puka Nacua is Cooper Kupp. How will these two coexist? Pupper Kupp? Is that the Rams version of Brangelina? Whatever this is, I'm really excited for the Rams developing stars out of nowhere again (see: Kyren Williams also) and Sean McVay regaining some of the credibility lost during 2022's lost season.

- Scratch everything off from Cleveland's last game before the bye. They rested DeShaun Watson more than he was actually incapable of playing on Sunday and the team never stood a chance against the rival Ravens as a result. There will be better days ahead for the 2-2 Browns.

- Bryce Young's rookie season is reminding me of Goff's rookie season but Frank Reich vs. end-of-career Jeff Fisher is a conversation for another day. The Panthers run a horrifyingly boring offense that sees an 87-year old Adam Thielen bailing them out on a weekly basis.

- What's the Bengals' deal? I know this was a massive must-win for Tennessee and Mike Vrabel's entire team showed up but is Joe Burrow's calf really that bad? This one I didn't see much of on Sunday and requires a re-watch.

- Derek Carr should not have been out there with his messed-up AC joint and I wish New Orleans could have loaned Cleveland Jameis Winston for one week since he's just wasting away on the bench while Carr throws thirteen screens to Alvin Kamara for a whopping 33 yards of offense in the most claustrophobic shitshow of an offense that deserves better for their receivers.

- BAKER IS BACK.

- LOL Bears.

- Matt Canada is doing the worst job in the league as a coordinator of either side of the ball on any team right now. If he had an entire offseason to work with the now-injured Kenny Pickett and this is what it looks like? Grab your tuke and head back from where you came, Matt. The party's over in Pittsburgh. Matt America wouldn't have failed a legendary franchise like the Steelers in this fashion. Of course, Matt America won't be able to afford the medical bills for the imaging on Pickett's bone bruise that might cost him this weekend's game either. 

- If it weren't for Puka Nacua, C.J. Stroud would be your offensive rookie of the year favorite with Anthony Richardson as runner-up. Stroud might just win anyway because quarterback is king in the land of football narratives.

- I'm almost willing to write off everything that happened to the Chiefs on Sunday Night Football also. Yes, the Jets defense is still good but did everyone else see the footing and how unnatural every single play looked for Patrick Mahomes out there? As someone that owns Mahomes in another league, I was rooting for the clock to hit 0:00 in that game just so the risk of injury could end. They really need to do something about MetLife Stadium's field. 

- They really need to do something about MetLife Stadium's home offensive lines. The Jets and Giants have the two worst in the league right now and any hope of salvaging Zach Wilson or the Daniel Jones contract goes out the window any time they have the ball for longer than three seconds. 

Unfortunately for the New York teams, they don't get any additional time to heal up despite the beginning of byes this week as our fantasy lineups go from that first month of cruise control to full-on panic mode as the Browns, Buccaneers, Chargers and Seahawks all get to sit at home and watch the MLB Playoffs this week. The pros of the week off mean that Cleveland gets a week to rest their quarterback and regroup after a tough loss and both Austin Ekeler and Mike Evans heal up for week six. The cons that come with the bye are the absences of Jerome Ford, Amari Cooper, David Njoku, Rachaad White, Chris Godwin, Justin Herbert, Keenan Allen, Geno Smith, Kenneth Walker, DK Metcalf and Tyler Lockett. That means Alec may be scouring the waiver wire to replace QB1 (Herbert) and Nick will go digging on his own bench to replace WR1 (Allen). It's far too early to determine what the overwhelming narratives will be going forward in the 2023 edition of the Bro League with Gabe having the fewest points, yet sitting at 2-2 while Nathaniel has the lead in scoring and also sits at 2-2. Will the randomness of scheduling continue to determine outcomes in wild fashion or will regression to the mean occur, leading everyone from the Steven Nett Division into the postseason at .500? Hopefully, this week starts to see some clarity behind the big matchup of division leaders. After all, there's things going on in this league besides Cole tainting today's youth with the idea that Bills Mafia is something to be embraced and Andy Todd writing in the third person about close wins over Jordan Addison's Dog. One word to describe Jordan Addison's week four showing against Carolina? Woof. *audience groans* I've gone on too long, time to peel out at 140 mph.

Official WRBL Standings 

Steven Nett Division

Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 3-1 W2 (515.22)

LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE. (Nathaniel Hoefs) 2-2 L2 (566.42)

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 2-2 W1 (423.7)

Dad Weights and Protein Shakes (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 2-2 L1 (442.94)

Shooter McGavin Division

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey (Andy Todd) 3-1 W1 (481.42)

Scott's Many Endeavors (Nick Zurawski) 2-2 L1 (550.02)

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 1-3 W1 (548.94)

Jordan Addison's Dog (Brett Weinfurter) 1-3 L1 (461.66)

Week Four Final Scores

ANDY defeats BRETT 113.88-110.04

ALEC defeats HOEFS 160.88-146.98

COLE defeats NICK 150.8-132.26

GABE defeats SPARKY 94.26-84.22

Heroes of the Week: RB Christian McCaffrey (48.7, Alec), WR A.J. Brown (38.5, Hoefs), QB Josh Allen (36.5, Cole)

Waiver Wonders: WR Nico Collins (35.8), TE Cole Kmet (27.6), DF Seattle Seahawks (27)

Benchwarmers of the Week: RB David Montgomery (34.1, Brett), QB Anthony Richardson (29.6, Andy), WR D.J. Moore (27.1, Alec)

USA TODAY Sports
Hero of the Week: WR A.J. Brown (LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE.)

Upcoming Week 5 Schedule for both WRBL and NFL (in CST)
COLE v. ANDY

HOEFS v. NICK

GABE v. ALEC

BRETT v. SPARKY

Thursday @ 7:15 PM: Chicago @ Washington

SUNDAY MORNING @ 8:30 AM IN LONDON: Jacksonville v. Buffalo

Sunday @ NOON: NY Giants @ Miami

Carolina @ Detroit

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh

Tennessee @ Indianapolis

New Orleans @ New England

Houston @ Atlanta

Sunday @ 3:05 PM: Philadelphia @ LA Rams

Cincinnati @ Arizona

Sunday @ 3:25 PM: Kansas City @ Minnesota

NY Jets @ Denver

Sunday @ 7:20 PM: Dallas @ San Francisco

Monday @ 7:15 PM: Green Bay @ Las Vegas

BYES: Los Angeles Chargers, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Seattle Seahawks, Cleveland Browns

Scoring Leaders

QB

Justin Herbert 95.8 (Alec)

Josh Allen 90.52 (Cole)

Lamar Jackson 85.76 (Brett)

Jalen Hurts 81.76 (Nick)

Patrick Mahomes 79.64 (Sparky)

Trevor Lawrence 57.82 (Andy)

Justin Fields 57.18 (Hoefs)

Kirk Cousins 35.24 (Gabe)

Joe Burrow 18.56 (Gabe)

Dak Prescott 14.36 (Hoefs)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 120 (Alec)

Bijan Robinson 70.2 (Andy)

Tony Pollard 66.2 (Cole)

Derrick Henry 58.78 (Hoefs)

Josh Jacobs 57.9 (Brett)

Travis Etienne 55.6 (Cole)

Isiah Pacheco 48.6 (Gabe)

James Cook 47.8 (Hoefs)

Alexander Mattison 46.6 (Nick)

Joe Mixon 46.4 (Nick)

Rachaad White 46.2 (Andy)

Kenneth Walker 44.5 (Cole)

Rhamondre Stevenson 43.1 (Brett)

James Conner 42.8 (Gabe)

Jahmyr Gibbs 38.9 (Sparky)

Saquon Barkley 36.5 (Gabe)

Kyren Williams 36.2 (Alec)

Aaron Jones 29.1 (Sparky)

Austin Ekeler 26.4 (Gabe)

Miles Sanders 23.4 (Nick)

Nick Chubb 23.1 (Nick)

A.J. Dillon 10.6 (Sparky)

Najee Harris 10.6 (Alec)

Jerome Ford 9.5 (Andy)

Javonte Williams 7.8 (Cole)

Dameon Pierce 6.7 (Hoefs)

WR

Justin Jefferson 103.3 (Sparky)

Keenan Allen 102.96 (Nick)

Stefon Diggs 94.9 (Cole)

Davante Adams 90.7 (Alec)

Tyreek Hill 90.4 (Hoefs)

A.J. Brown 82.4 (Hoefs)

Amon-Ra St. Brown 69.5 (Andy)

Mike Evans 64.7 (Andy)

DeVonta Smith 62.4 (Gabe)

CeeDee Lamb 62 (Sparky)

Ja'Marr Chase 57.6 (Brett)

DK Metcalf 56.8 (Alec)

Chris Olave 53.6 (Hoefs)

Chris Godwin 48.5 (Gabe)

Calvin Ridley 48.1 (Andy)

Puka Nacua 43.5 (Nick)

DeAndre Hopkins 39.6 (Sparky)

Deebo Samuel 37 (Brett)

Michael Pittman Jr. 34.8 (Brett)

Amari Cooper 33.9 (Gabe)

Jaylen Waddle 32.8 (Cole)

Garrett Wilson 30.7 (Brett)

Tyler Lockett 28.9 (Nick)

Brandon Aiyuk 28.1 (Alec)

D.J. Moore 4.5 (Alec)

Tee Higgins 4.1 (Cole)

TE

T.J. Hockenson 55.3 (Alec)

Evan Engram 48.2 (Hoefs)

Mark Andrews 48 (Andy)

Travis Kelce 44.5 (Nick)

Sam LaPorta 32 (Cole)

George Kittle 28.8 (Sparky)

David Njoku 27.8 (Brett)

Dallas Goedert 21.8 (Gabe)

Tyler Higbee 7.9 (Nick)

Pat Freiermuth 7.3 (Cole)

Kyle Pitts 6.4 (Andy)

Luke Musgrave 4.5 (Cole)

K

Jake Elliott 58 (Hoefs)

Tyler Bass 50 (Cole)

Harrison Butker 36 (Alec)

Evan McPherson 30 (Nick)

Younghoe Koo 27 (Andy)

Riley Patterson 25 (Brett)

Justin Tucker 25 (Sparky)

Daniel Carlson 19 (Gabe)

Greg Zuerlein 11 (Brett)

DF

Dallas Cowboys 71 (Nick)

Buffalo Bills 51 (Brett)

Pittsburgh Steelers 39 (Hoefs)

Philadelphia Eagles 34 (Andy)

New York Jets 30 (Gabe)

San Francisco 49ers 26 (Sparky)

Denver Broncos 17 (Cole)

Miami Dolphins 15 (Alec)

New England Patriots 8 (Cole)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)

Live.Laugh.Olave. 3-1

Scott's Many Endeavors 3-1

Tax Paying Homeowner 3-1

Colieveland 96ers 3-1

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey 2-2

Jordan Addison's Dog 1-3

Dad Weights And Protein Shakes 1-3

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 0-4