Friday, November 11, 2022

WRBL Week 9, 2022

  Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Our eighth official season of blaming Cole Walters for back-shoulder fades to David Bakhtiari on 4th Down.

Bro... 

Mid-season has come and gone and this feels like a crucial make-or-break week for many players that have struggled in unfamiliar territories as it pertains to their fantasy futures. Trust me when I say that none of us have been immune to these under-cooked servings of fantasy entrees as even at 6-3, The Rule of Law is still hanging on to players like A.J. Dillon and Trevor Lawrence that weaker willed owners would have pulled the plug on weeks ago for steadier performers like Kirk Cousins or James Robinson. What can I say? I'm an upside guy and despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage. Even as the league's best winner through nine weeks, Alec still has some questions for his 7-2 team. Questions like "why can't MY Chicago Bears decide between using up every ounce of David Montgomery's legs in a contract year or moving on to efficiency beast Khalil Herbert?". RB Josh Jacobs is no longer on the tear he was on for the first month or so of the season and the only reason Alec eeked out a victory over Andy's team this week was because I didn't pick up Justin Fields like a dolt. The Tax Paying Homeowner might be doing okay in a week or two if he sticks to his guns in Chicago but, I'd be seeking trade partners and splitting up either the Bears' backfield and/or the Niners' wideouts (Deebo Samuel & Brandon Aiyuk) for a better RB to make up for the ground lost when Jacobs doesn't average 2 touchdowns a week. As for the other division leader, Cole Walters had been the clear WRBL 2022 favorite before again getting swept away by high tide into cold waters just in time for the temperature drop we're supposed to be experiencing right now. There's not necessarily a fear of having to rely on Tua Tagovailoa as a QB1 presently but, anytime the league's QB1 (Josh Allen) goes down with a completely unprecedented injury (UCL issues that make him week-to-week?), it's supposed to severely hinder one's championship odds just based on principle. Otherwise, there's very real optimism after a 9.8-point loss to Gabe (but really, just Joe Mixon) that newest Viking TE T.J. Hockenson has found a perfect role fit for him to enter the Darren Waller (once healthy) - Zach Ertz - George Kittle tier of Tight Ends in a truly woeful season for the position as a whole. 

USA TODAY Sports
Hockenson caught all nine of his targets for 70 yards in his Viking debut after Detroit traded him (along with two picks) at the NFL's Trade Deadline for two draft picks.

The only thing worse than being good and seeing troubles on the horizon is being bad and just clearly able to blame certain "stars" staring at owners in the face every week, just tempting us to bench them the week they go OFF (just look at this season's new Benchwarmers of the Week feature!). Jaime Sparkes had all the worries in the world for Alvin Kamara being a total waste before his first three touchdowns in week 8, now Sparky is being forced to watch WR Michael Pittman Jr. attempt to catch passes from the greatly overmatched QB Sam Ehlinger. It's a good thing Austin Ekeler and Kamara are targeted as often as they are through weak play-calling or else, Here Dad Weights would be weighed down by the team's lack of touchdowns and the Steven Nett Division would be Cole's easily. The other two rookie bros, Gabe Stoltz and Brett Weinfurter are discovering the ugly truths of fantasy football that the August preseason hyped somehow cleanses our brains of every year too. Brett's hovering around .500 (4-5) with his two Chargers missing their season goals thanks to WR Keenan Allen missing all but two games and QB Justin Herbert struggling to throw deep thanks to poor coaching and early-season broken ribs. If that weren't bad enough, Kyler's Study Buddies have had to clear out their WR depth chart with Ja'Marr Chase now out indefinitely. Gabe's had similar yet more significant struggles in part due to the pairing of new Bronco QB Russell Wilson and his go-to deep threat (who has six catches in the last calendar month) WR Courtland Sutton. The #1 pick has once again proved to be a cursed position in the draft as RB Jonathan Taylor can't stay on the field and is now facing game-script issues with the Colts always trailing, further hindering his odds for RB1-level productivity in Stoltz's far-from-electric backfield.

When asked for a comment on who hindered his team's performance the most thus far in 2022, owner Nick Zurawski was surprisingly honest and said "Najee Harris". The sophomore running back out of Alabama was a workhorse who didn't know the meaning of the word "share" last year when noodle-armed Ben Roethlisberger needed a safety blanket and the bruising rookie back was always open for short dump-offs, producing RB1-caliber numbers on a weekly basis. Outside of the previously mentioned Taylor, there was no more reliable fantasy running back in 2021 than Najee Harris. Now? With Mitchell Trubisky and Kenny Pickett scaring zero defenses and inconsistencies a plenty among the receiving options, the Steelers run the least explosive offense in the NFL and Harris is facing eight men in the box more frequently behind a pretty poor offensive line. He's Trent Richardson with better hands this season and Nick seems to have finally pulled the plug after a 3-6 start in favor of waiver add and rookie RB Travis Etienne. Like much of the league however, I'd say Nick is still a bit perturbed by Darren Waller's "week-to-week" hamstring injury suddenly turning into an IR-stint FOUR WEEKS after injuring himself. Will the Waller trade ever really pay off? Speaking of payoffs... Who slipped Nathaniel a big stack of money to go 2-7 this year? He has WR2 Cooper Kupp, video game character Kyler Murray and yet EVERYBODY ELSE IS DRAGGING HIS TEAM TO HELL. It's like Halloween every week with no reliable RBs, George Kittle being constantly overshadowed by his Niner teammates and the mess that has been WR D.J. Moore's season. The only thing worse than all that is that Hoefs continues to insist on rostering JuJu at the same time as he calls his team "Yeezy Taught Me". Feels moderately hatecrime-y and as the person to notice this, I think I should be re-rewarded JuJu Smith-Schuster. Mazeltov! 

Steven Nett Division
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 6-3 L1 (1,246.36)
Here Dad Weights (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 5-4 W3 (1,201.52)
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 3-6 W1 (1,064.26)
Yeezy Taught Me (Nathaniel Hoefs) 2-7 L1 (1,021.28)

Shooter McGavin Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 7-2 W1 (1,186.82)
The Rule of Law (Andy Todd) 6-3 L1 (1,176.62)
Kyler's Study Buddies (Brett Weinfurter) 4-5 W1 (1,123.74)
Scott's Many Endeavors (Nick Zurawski) 3-6 L3 (1,076.68)

Week Nine Final Scores

ALEC defeats ANDY 123.54-114.92
GABE defeats COLE 137.4-127.6
BRETT defeats HOEFS 122.42-108.5
SPARKY defeats NICK 136.74-119.62

Heroes of the Week: RB Joe Mixon (55.1, Gabe), WR Davante Adams (36.6, Brett), QB Patrick Mahomes (34.14, Sparky)

Waiver Wonders: QB Justin Fields (42.72), RB Kenyan Drake (24.9), TE Cole Kmet (22)

Benchwarmers of the Week: QB Tua Tagovailoa (24.08, Cole), WR Christian Kirk (21.6, Sparky), WR JuJu Smith-Schuster (18.8, Hoefs)

Hero of the Week: RB Joe Mixon (Stoltzya's Electric Orcas)

Upcoming Week 10 Schedule: WRBL & NFL
Brett v. Gabe
Nick v. Alex
Andy v. Sparky
Cole v. Hoefs

THURSDAY @ 7:15 PM CT: Atlanta @ Carolina
SUNDAY MORNING @ 8:30 AM CT: Seattle vs. Tampa IN GERMANY
Sunday Noon CT: Minnesota @ Buffalo
Jacksonville @ Kansas City
Detroit @ Chicago
Cleveland @ Miami
New Orleans @ Pittsburgh
Denver @ Tennessee
Houston @ NY Giants
3:05 PM CT: Indianapolis @ Las Vegas
3:25 PM CT: Dallas @ Green Bay
Arizona @ LA Rams
SNF @ 7:20 PM CT: LA Chargers @ San Francisco
MNF @ 7:15 PM CT: Washington @ Philadelphia
BYES: Cincinnati Bengals, Baltimore Ravens, New York Jets, New England Patriots

Scoring Leaders

QB
Josh Allen 215.32 (Cole)
Patrick Mahomes 203.7 (Sparky)
Joe Burrow 199.5 (Alec)
Lamar Jackson 196.22 (Nick)
Jalen Hurts 169.56 (Brett)
Kyler Murray 141.26 (Hoefs)
Russell Wilson 88.38 (Gabe)
Trevor Lawrence 83.12 (Andy)
Geno Smith 52.98 (Gabe)
Justin Herbert 41.38 (Brett)
Tom Brady 39.52 (Andy/Hoefs)
Tua Tagovailoa 15.94 (Cole)
Aaron Rodgers 15.22 (Sparky)
Dak Prescott 12.28 (Hoefs)
Jimmy Garoppolo 8.44 (Andy)

RB
Austin Ekeler 198.8 (Sparky)
Derrick Henry 169 (Andy)
Christian McCaffrey 158.26 (Andy)
Saquon Barkley 156.8 (Cole)
Joe Mixon 147.5 (Gabe)
Josh Jacobs 144.2 (Alec)
Leonard Fournette 143.9 (Nick)
Aaron Jones 135 (Brett)
Dalvin Cook 125.7 (Nick)
Nick Chubb 115.5 (Gabe)
Alvin Kamara 102.8 (Sparky)
Kenneth Walker 87.9 (Andy)
Breece Hall 86.9 (Brett/Cole)
David Montgomery 78 (Alec)
Jonathan Taylor 71.3 (Gabe)
Najee Harris 66.96 (Nick)
Rhamondre Stevenson 61.1 (Cole)
D'Andre Swift 58.8 (Hoefs)
Miles Sanders 57.1 (Cole/Brett)
Antonio Gibson 49.8 (Gabe)
Tony Pollard 46.6 (Hoefs)
Ezekiel Elliott 44 (Andy/Nick)
Raheem Mostert 43 (Hoefs)
Javonte Williams 42 (Cole)
Dameon Pierce 36 (Andy)
Jeff Wilson Jr. 34.1 (Hoefs)
James Robinson 29.4 (Hoefs)
Travis Etienne 26.6 (Nick)
Kareem Hunt 26.3 (Brett)
Eno Benjamin 23.3 (Hoefs)
Clyde Edwards-Helaire 22.3 (Sparky)
Melvin Gordon 20.4 (Cole)
Michael Carter 15.6 (Cole)
Latavius Murray 12.9 (Sparky)
Khalil Herbert 11.1 (Alec)
James Conner 7.1 (Nick)
Deon Jackson 5.6 (Gabe)
Jamaal Williams 5.6 (Nick)
D'Onta Foreman 4.1 (Andy)
Elijah Mitchell 4.1 (Hoefs)
J.K. Dobbins 1.5 (Alec)
Rashaad Penny 1.5 (Hoefs)
Kenyan Drake 0.8 (Sparky)

WR
Tyreek Hill 206.9 (Gabe)
Cooper Kupp 198.5 (Hoefs)
Stefon Diggs 187.7 (Cole)
Justin Jefferson 173.92 (Alec)
Davante Adams 155.7 (Brett)
A.J. Brown 150.8 (Nick)
Jaylen Waddle 146.5 (Cole)
Ja'Marr Chase 141.7 (Brett)
Mike Evans 123.7 (Andy)
CeeDee Lamb 116.8 (Hoefs)
Michael Pittman Jr. 113 (Sparky)
Terry McLaurin 112 (Alec)
Deebo Samuel 100.5 (Alec)
Courtland Sutton 88.2 (Gabe)
Marquise Brown 82.4 (Andy)
Mike Williams 79.2 (Sparky)
DeAndre Hopkins 67.8 (Andy)
Christian Kirk 66.2 (Sparky)
Tee Higgins 65 (Sparky)
Chris Godwin 48 (Hoefs)
DK Metcalf 47.3 (Brett)
Brandin Cooks 45.2 (Cole/Brett)
Amon-Ra St. Brown 43.9 (Nick)
DeVonta Smith 43 (Gabe)
Diontae Johnson 39.9 (Nick)
Drake London 35.9 (Brett)
Brandon Aiyuk 35.3 (Alec)
Tyler Lockett 33.4 (Andy)
D.J. Moore 28.2 (Hoefs)
Chris Olave 23.3 (Sparky)
Tyler Boyd 22.2 (Cole)
Joshua Palmer 18.6 (Alec)
Allen Lazard 17.6 (Cole)
Gabe Davis 16.4 (Nick)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 15.9 (Andy)
Keenan Allen 10.6 (Brett)
Curtis Samuel 10.4 (Hoefs)
Rondale Moore 4.1 (Cole)

TE
Travis Kelce 167.4 (Alec)
Mark Andrews 121.5 (Andy)
Dallas Goedert 104.1 (Sparky)
T.J. Hockenson 90.6 (Cole)
Zach Ertz 86.5 (Brett)
Kyle Pitts 48.7 (Gabe)
George Kittle 45.9 (Hoefs)
Darren Waller 39.5 (Brett/Nick)
Tyler Higbee 27.4 (Hoefs)
Dalton Schultz 24.9 (Nick)
Hayden Hurst 21.8 (Cole/Nick)
Gerald Everett 20.4 (Gabe)
David Njoku 14.1 (Sparky)
Mike Gesicki 12.8 (Alec)
Dawson Knox 12.7 (Nick)
Pat Freiermuth 9.7 (Cole)
Taysom Hill 1.12 (Andy)

K
Justin Tucker 90 (Sparky)
Daniel Carlson 80 (Nick/Hoefs)
Ryan Succop 72 (Andy)
Tyler Bass 64 (Cole)
Evan McPherson 64 (Brett)
Brandon McManus 60 (Alec)
Jason Myers 48 (Nick)
Younghoe Koo 28 (Gabe)
Graham Gano 25 (Hoefs)
Matt Gay 22 (Hoefs)
Jake Elliott 16 (Gabe)
Harrison Butker 14 (Gabe/Alec)
Rodrigo Blankenship 8 (Andy)
Brett Maher 6 (Cole)

DF
Dallas Cowboys 86 (Brett)
Buffalo Bills 72 (Sparky)
San Francisco 49ers 64 (Gabe)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 59 (Alec)
Denver Broncos 47 (Cole)
Baltimore Ravens 38 (Nick/Gabe)
New England Patriots 37 (Hoefs)
Green Bay Packers 30 (Hoefs)
Los Angeles Rams 26 (Andy)
Philadelphia Eagles 21 (Andy)
Miami Dolphins 20 (Nick)
Tennessee Titans 18 (Sparky)
Atlanta Falcons 8 (Alec)
Los Angeles Chargers 7 (Nick)
Chicago Bears 6 (Cole)
Cincinnati Bengals 6 (Cole)
Minnesota Vikings 6 (Brett)
New Orleans Saints 6 (Cole)
New York Jets 6 (Andy)
Indianapolis Colts 5 (Andy)
Pittsburgh Steelers 5 (Nick)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)
Colieveland 96ers 8-1
The Rule of Law 6-3
Here Dad Weights 5-4
Tax Paying Homeowner 5-4
Kyler's Study Buddies 4-5
Scott's Many Endeavors 3-6
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 3-6
Yeezy Taught Me 2-7

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