Thursday, September 28, 2017

As The WRBL Turns, S04E03

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 3
Our 4th semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for fleas.

Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 3-0 W3
The Engine That Could (Andy Todd) 3-0 W3
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 2-1 W2
Scott Bless Scott Damn (Scott Aschebrook) 2-1 W2
Tremendous Big League (Nick Zurawski) 1-2 L2
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 1-2 L2
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 0-3 L3
Kissin' TDs (Alec Swanson) 0-3 L6

Week Three Final Scores
TODD  125 SWANSON  116
DOUGHERTY  149 ZURAWSKI  87
ASCHEBROOK JR.  146 WALTERS  85
SNEEN  134 ASCHEBROOK SR.  102
944

Heroes of the Week: RB Todd Gurley (Dougherty), WR Stefon Diggs (Dougherty), QB Tom Brady (Sneen)

Hero of the Week: RB Todd Gurley (Team Easy Breesy)
Zeroes of the Week: DF Seattle Seahawks (Swanson), DF Baltimore Ravens (Walters)

Zero of the Week: DF Seattle Seahawks (Kissin' TDs)

Upcoming Week 4 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Alec vs. Ryan
Scott vs. Darrin
Andy vs. Nick
Cole vs. Tyler

Thursday: Chicago @ Green Bay 7:25 PM
Sunday: (LONDON GAME) New Orleans vs. Miami 8:30 AM
Buffalo @ Atlanta NOON
Pittsburgh @ Baltimore NOON
Cincinnati @ Cleveland NOON
LA Rams @ Dallas NOON
Tennessee @ Houston  NOON
Detroit @ Minnesota NOON
Carolina @ New England NOON
Jacksonville @ NY Jets NOON
San Francisco @ Arizona 3:05 PM
Philadelphia @ LA Chargers 3:05 PM
NY Giants @ Tampa Bay 3:05 PM
Oakland @ Denver 3:25 PM
Indianapolis @ Seattle 7:30 PM
Monday: Washington @ Kansas City 7:30 PM

Bro...
Football is back! It has been approximately three years and nine months since regular season football was truly exciting and not just an overhyped game with a drought on offensive linemen and even decent coaching. All that changed with Thursday Night's instant classic Rams-49ers match... No, seriously. Former Washington offensive coordinator Sean McVey has given new life to the Rams' offense (along with receivers Sammy Watkins & Robert Woods, center John Sullivan and left tackle Andrew Whitworth) and Jared Goff looks like a completely different quarterback while Todd Gurley is in the running for MVP one season after being an average #2 RB in fantasy for Andy Todd's TyRod Henke squad.

Sunday carried on the entertainment value from there with a 61-yard kick from rookie kicker Jake Elliott winning the Eagles' game over the Giants, Jordan Howard returning to his 2016 form in an overtime Bears' upset of the Steelers and Tom Brady doing some magical shut like he always does and holding off Houston by a score of 36-33. Those were just the Noon games! At 3, Russell Wilson finally showed up and still fell to the wildly entertaining Titans while Aaron Rodgers threw dart after dart but, still needed overtime to take out the now 0-3 Bengals. It was a great weekend for the on-field product despite the Raiders' and Ravens' no-shows in marquee games and none of it was discussed on Monday because of the National Anthem, Carmelo Anthony going to Oklahoma City and Aaron Judge hitting 50 home runs because baseballs are juiced.

What a bizarre NBA offseason.

The only WRBL matchup with any type of drama this week felt somewhat manufactured as well. After leaving Jordan Howard's 30 points and Brandin Cooks's 32 points on Alec's bench and keeping T.Y. Hilton's 28 and Chris Hogan's 22 on my own bench, Alec and I headed into Sunday Night Football with a 4-point deficit. After an unnerving 4-point showing by Oakland's Giorgio Tavecchio, it was 103-103 with my Dak Prescott (a 2016 championship hero) versus Kissin' TDs' Dez Bryant AND Dan Bailey. Only one team mattered on Monday Night and they were the Dallas Cowboys. Going into the night, Alec was projected to win because this is a PPR league and Dez is the clear #1 WR on Dak's team and Dan Bailey is the greatest kicker alive. The problem is that Dez Bryant has taken a backseat since Dallas created the best o-line in the sport and crafted their team around Ezekiel Elliott instead of their aging receiver so, as the game was about to begin I thought to myself "As long as Dak runs one in, they can stick to their gameplan and I might just pull this win off". Lo and behold, Dak Prescott ran for a touchdown in the second quarter and things were looking great for The Engine That Could until Dez Bryant caught a touchdown in the third quarter. It was one hell of a battle with so much potential for both teams to embarrass themselves but in the end, Dan Bailey just could not get any field goal opportunities with Dak throwing beautiful bombs to Brice Butler and Terrence Williams while Patrick Peterson blanketed Dez. Final score: Andy 125, Alec 116. Also in week 3, Ryan is having the greatest three-week stretch in WRBL history, Cole is 1-2 (he loves those difficult championship roads) and after two 3-0 starts, Darrin is 0-3.

We are about to reach October already and the only two undefeated teams remaining in the NFL are the Kansas City Chiefs and the Atlanta Falcons (Raise your hands if you had that one right because you are under arrest for being a wizard). In comparison, there are just as many undefeated teams remaining in the WRBL with Team Easy Breesy taking on 0-3 Alec this week as undefeated The Engine That Could tries to outdo Nick Zurawski, coming off a 62-point loss. Also in our legendary league, it'll be father versus son as Team ChowHounds look for their first win against Scott Bless Scott Damn. The SNEEN MACHINE is fully on a roll with Tom Brady and will look for the GOAT to continue his successes against the Panthers as SNEEN will try to tame the timid Cold Waters and the Colieveland 96ers. It should be a fun one with Alec's Bears playing Thursday night versus Darrin's Packers, Cutler and Brees in the UK and plenty of WRBL week-deciding plays on Monday Night when Kirk Cousins takes the field in Arrowhead against the Chiefs. I'm looking forward to it and hopefully, you all are too.

Scoring Leaders
QB
Tom Brady 74 (SNEEN)
Aaron Rodgers 57 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Russell Wilson 54 (SWANSON)
Dak Prescott 53 (TODD) 
Ben Roethlisberger 44 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Matt Ryan 44 (WALTERS)
Drew Brees 42 (DOUGHERTY)
Derek Carr 39 (ZURAWSKI)
Marcus Mariota 18 (DOUGHERTY)
Matthew Stafford 15 (ZURAWSKI)

RB
Kareem Hunt 94 (TODD)
Todd Gurley 82 (DOUGHERTY)
Ty Montgomery 58 (SNEEN)
Devonta Freeman 56 (SNEEN)
Leonard Fournette 51 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Melvin Gordon 51 (WALTERS)
C.J. Anderson 43 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
LeSean McCoy 42 (DOUGHERTY)
Ezekiel Elliott 41 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Le'Veon Bell 40 (SWANSON)
Christian McCaffrey 38 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Lamar Miller 28 (WALTERS)
Carlos Hyde 24 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
James White 20 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jay Ajayi 17 (ZURAWSKI)
Dalvin Cook 16 (DOUGHERTY)
Jordan Howard 15 (SWANSON)
Tarik Cohen 13 (SWANSON)
Isaiah Crowell 13 (TODD)
Frank Gore 12 (TODD)
David Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Marshawn Lynch 11 (ZURAWSKI)
Ameer Abdullah 10 (TODD)
DeMarco Murray 10 (ZURAWSKI)
Paul Perkins 3 (TODD)

WR 
Antonio Brown 67 (ZURAWSKI)
Stefon Diggs 65 (DOUGHERTY)
A.J. Green 50 (WALTERS)
Michael Crabtree 47 (ZURAWSKI)
Doug Baldwin 46 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
DeAndre Hopkins 46 (ZURAWSKI)
Jordy Nelson 43 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Emmanuel Sanders 43 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Michael Thomas 43 (TODD)
Julio Jones 41 (SNEEN)
Demaryius Thomas 39 (SNEEN)
Odell Beckham Jr. 35 (TODD)
Mike Evans 35 (DOUGHERTY)
Davante Adams 30 (WALTERS)
Keenan Allen 30 (DOUGHERTY)
Tyreek Hill 27 (SWANSON)
Martavis Bryant 26 (SNEEN)
Golden Tate 26 (DOUGHERTY)
Amari Cooper 25 (WALTERS)
DeVante Parker 21 (SWANSON)
Adam Thielen 21 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Larry Fitzgerald 18 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Chris Hogan 18 (TODD)
Terrelle Pryor 17 (SWANSON)
Brandin Cooks 16 (SWANSON)
Dez Bryant 15 (SWANSON)
Jarvis Landry 10 (WALTERS)
T.Y. Hilton 6 (TODD)
Mike Wallace 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

TE
Rob Gronkowski 50 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Travis Kelce 34 (TODD)
Jack Doyle 22 (DOUGHERTY)
Jimmy Graham 18 (ZURAWSKI)
Jordan Reed 18 (SNEEN)
Martellus Bennett 16 (WALTERS)
Vernon Davis 16 (SNEEN)
Kyle Rudolph 9 (SWANSON)
Greg Olsen 5 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Eric Ebron 2 (WALTERS)
Tyler Eifert 1 (SWANSON)
Jason Witten 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

K
Matt Bryant 40 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Matt Prater 34 (WALTERS)
Wil Lutz 33 (DOUGHERTY)
Dan Bailey 26 (SWANSON)
Stephen Gostkowski 25 (SNEEN)
Adam Vinatieri 17 (ZURAWSKI)
Justin Tucker 14 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Giorgio Tavecchio 13 (TODD)
Chris Boswell 3 (TODD)

DF
Los Angeles Rams 31 (TODD)
Denver Broncos 28 (DOUGHERTY)
Carolina Panthers 24 (ASCHEBROOK JR.) 
Kansas City Chiefs 20 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Houston Texans 12 (WALTERS)
Minnesota Vikings 12 (SNEEN)
Arizona Cardinals 11 (ZURAWSKI)
Seattle Seahawks 11 (SWANSON)
Buffalo Bills 10 (ZURAWSKI)
Pittsburgh Steelers 9 (TODD)
Miami Dolphins 4 (ZURAWSKI)
Philadelphia Eagles 1 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Baltimore Ravens -6 (WALTERS)

Hypothetical Standings
Team Easy Breesy 3-0
The Engine That Could 3-0
SNEEN MACHINE 2-1
Scott Bless Scott Damn 2-1
Team ChowHounds 1-2
Tremendous Big League 1-2
Colieveland 96ers 0-3
Kissin' TDs 0-3

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