Wednesday, December 23, 2015

WRBL Week 15 2015 (2nd Round)

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 15

Our 2nd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for the semi-underwhelming Fargo finale.

Playoff Results
Round 2
#4 Sneen Machine  131  #1 The Donald  129 
#2 Spider 2 Y Banana  162  #6 Where's Cole? Not Here  84
#5 Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds  129  #3 Cole Top, Moon Bottom  124
#9 Bilbo Unable To Braggins  118 #8 John, Can I Use The Suburban?  108
#10 Team Tiffany  130 #7 Your GF Likes Mike Ditka  107

Hero of the Week: RB Tim Hightower (Sneen Machine)
Heroes of the Week: WR Antonio Brown (Sneen), RB David Johnson (Silka), RB Tim Hightower (Sneen)

Zeros of the Week: RB DeMarco Murray (Sneen), WR Danny Amendola (Silka), DF Carolina Panthers (Swanson)

Zero of the Week: RB DeMarco Murray (Sneen Machine)
Upcoming Week 14 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
CHAMPIONSHIP: #4 Sneen Machine v. #2 Spider 2 Y Banana
Loser Tickle Fights: #6 Where's Cole? Not Here v. #1 The Donald
#5 Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds v. #3 Cole Top, Moon Bottom
#10 Team Tiffany v. #9 Bilbo Unable To Braggins 
#8 John, Can I Use The Suburban v. #7 Your GF Likes Mike Ditka

Thursday Game: San Diego @ Oakland 7:25 PM
Saturday: Washington @ Philadelphia 7:25 PM
Sunday: New England @ NY Jets NOON
Houston @ Tennessee NOON
Cleveland @ Kansas City NOON
Indianapolis @ Miami NOON
San Francisco @ Detroit NOON
Dallas @ Buffalo NOON
Chicago @ Tampa Bay NOON
Carolina @ Atlanta NOON
Pittsburgh @ Baltimore NOON
Jacksonville @ New Orleans 3:05 PM
St. Louis @ Seattle 3:25 PM
Green Bay @ Arizona 3:25 PM
NY Giants @ Minnesota 7:30 PM
Monday: Cincinnati @ Denver 7:30 PM

Bro...
Seriously, bro.
After last season's week 10 Cam Newton-Kelvin Benjamin fourth quarter comeback for my SpottieOttieToddalicious over Go Yale, Screw Columbia (former league owner Cal Thomas), I thought it would take years and years before we saw another failed called shot. Nope, it only took one year and five weeks for somebody to do the exact opposite of what happened last season (I congratulated Cal before Newton and Benjamin combined for a 4 TD comeback) and the moment Moon posted his taunting message of "see ya sneen -emoji-", I knew something weird was going to happen. Something weird apparently meant Antonio Brown destroying all of Denver's villages and crops before Tim Hightower and Drew Brees combined for 37 points on Monday night including the most meaningless dump-off at the last second (instead of a Hail Mary) going from Brees to Hightower for Sneen Machine to claim victory and the rest of the league (besides Moon) applauded. Does anybody honestly care who wins the league now that all the evil dragons (Moon, Walters, The Commish) have been slayed? I mean, I know Sneen and I do but, it's not like we're in a longtime heated rivalry or anything. We're the most cordial, non-trash talk dependent owners in the league and I know I didn't throw money into the pool so, it's probably going to be a pretty chill Sunday until one of our players gets injured. My team probably blew their wad this week by rubbing it in a bit too much in a 162-84 dominant victory over Alec's Where's Cole? Not Here just one week after putting up a lame 80 points on bye but, Sneen's team is a bit dinged up now with Drew Brees tearing his Plantar Fascia and T.J. Yeldon still on the mend. Anything could happen during Championship week, hopefully it just stays close all day to keep things exciting.

In other league news, Scott's dad barely defeated Nick 129-124 thanks to the return of Emmanuel Sanders from wherever the hell he's been these past few weeks. Scott beat Cole despite not caring enough to bench injured RB Thomas Rawls (it's the loser's bracket and there's a limit to how many shits you can give). In the most shocking twist of the year, Team Tiffany put up the third highest point total of the week despite having three inactive players in his lineup and won over faltering Your GF Likes Mike Ditka 130-107 thanks to "Superman" Cam Newton and Danny Woodhead and despite a 44-point breakout performance from Cardinals rookie RB David Johnson. There was no NFL news this week outside of Odell Beckham Jr.'s one-game suspension that any of us care about so, it's time to move on to previewing this championship

Getty Images
It's all come down to this. 9-5 Spider 2 Y Banana versus 10-5 Sneen Machine (I had a bye in the first round). Two men enter, two men leave only, one gets a trophy. Let's take a look at who is currently slated to start this finale match-up.

(Lineups subject to change)

Spider 2 Y Banana (Andy Todd)
QB - Tom Brady (The #1 scoring QB in the league, facing the same Jets defense he picked apart for 29 points back in week 7)
RB - Todd Gurley (The best rookie RB in the NFL, going against the second-best run defense in Seattle.)
RB - James White (Coming off of a 20-point performance with every point happening through the New England passing game and 0 coming on the ground, @NYJ)
WR - Julio Jones (The #2 WR in the league, facing scary Josh Norman and the Panthers defense just two weeks after getting 15 points in Atlanta against the same defense)
WR - Randall Cobb (Always reliable for 10-15 points but, rarely exceeds that and will have a tough time doing so in Arizona)
FLEX - WR Brandin Cooks (Was S2YB's highest-scoring player this week and faces a mediocre Jacksonville secondary)
TE - Delanie Walker (The #2 scoring TE in the league, facing a good Texans defense that he dropped 12 points on back in week 8)
K - Chandler Catanzaro (Has not scored less than 6 points in a game all season, has not scored less than 8 since week 7, in Arizona against Green Bay)
D/ST - Cincinnati Bengals (Only thing in this match-up that will not play on Sunday, playing at Denver against Brock Osweiler and the Broncos' poor o-line)

Sneen Machine (Tyler Sneen)
QB - Drew Brees (Tore his plantar fascia, listed as questionable against an equally-questionable Jacksonville defense)
RB - T.J. Yeldon (Also questionable with a sprained MCL but, facing the worst defense in the league so even if he's only 50%, he should put up quality numbers)
RB - Tim Hightower (Single-handedly took out the Moon, also facing Jacksonville's questionable defense)
WR - Antonio Brown (The #1 scoring WR in the league, faces a completely-tanking Ravens team that couldn't cover receivers when they were fully healthy)
WR - Eric Decker (Has 10 touchdowns and will try to score his first against a New England defense that held him to a still-good 15 points in week 7)
FLEX - WR Martavis Bryant (Known for his big plays but, has been more reliable for smaller plays recently and will play the worst Ravens defense in franchise history)
TE - Julius Thomas (Also facing that shitty Saints defense, seems to be on the same page with Blake Bortles after some trouble adjusting to a new offense)
K - Justin Tucker (His offense might not score a ton but, has the most reliable leg other than Gostkowski and will face a Pitt team that he dropped 15 on back in week 4)
D/ST - St. Louis Rams (Going against a scorching-hot Seattle offense and have really slowed down since week 8 but, could take advantage of poor pass-blocking)

None of the other match-ups matter other than for seeding so, best of luck to those who want to finish with a higher seed than their opponent!

2015 Scoring Leaders

QB
Tom Brady 320 (TODD)
Russell Wilson 284 (SILKA)
Aaron Rodgers 267 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Cam Newton 246 (TIFFANY)
Drew Brees 233 (SNEEN)
Philip Rivers 205 (MOON)
Carson Palmer 198 (ASCHEBROOK)
Matt Ryan 138 (SWANSON)
Eli Manning 127 (WALTERS)

Blake Bortles 125 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR./SWANSON)
Andrew Luck 112 (ZURAWSKI)
Ben Roethlisberger  88 (WALTERS)
Tyrod Taylor 61 (ASCHEBROOK)
Peyton Manning 57 (TIFFANY)

Ryan Tannehill 56 (ASCHEBROOK/ZURAWSKI)
Derek Carr 49 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)
Sam Bradford 40 (MOON)
Andy Dalton 23 (WALTERS)
Tony Romo 19 (WALTERS/SNEEN)
Ryan Fitzpatrick 15 (WALTERS)
Brian Hoyer 14 (ZURAWSKI)
Colin Kaepernick 13 (SNEEN)
Alex Smith 13 (ZURAWSKI)

RB
Devonta Freeman 251 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Adrian Peterson 216 (MOON)

Danny Woodhead 198 (TIFFANY)
Lamar Miller 196 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Mark Ingram 193 (ZURAWSKI)
Chris Ivory 174 (WALTERS)

Matt Forte 169 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
LeSean McCoy 169 (WALTERS)
Doug Martin 165 (SWANSON)
Jonathan Stewart 155 (TIFFANY)

DeAngelo Williams 155 (SILKA)
DeMarco Murray 149 (SNEEN)
Todd Gurley 137 (TODD)
Latavius Murray 128 (MOON)
Justin Forsett 114 (SNEEN)

Darren McFadden 99 (ASCHEBROOK)
Jamaal Charles 96 (ASCHEBROOK)
T.J. Yeldon 95 (SNEEN)

Eddie Lacy 87 (SILKA)
David Johson 86 (SILKA)
Charcandrick West 83 (TODD)
Marshawn Lynch 79 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Arian Foster 73 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Carlos Hyde 73 (TODD)
Jeremy Langford 73 (WALTERS)

Frank Gore 72 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Giovani Bernard 68 (ZURAWSKI)
Dion Lewis 58 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Theo Riddick 51 (WALTERS/SILKA)
Jeremy Hill 49 (MOON)
Duke Johnson Jr. 41 (TODD)
Thomas Rawls 37 (ASCHEBROOK)
Melvin Gordon 36 (WALTERS)
C.J. Anderson 34 (TIFFANY)
LeGarrette Blount 33 (ZURAWSKI)
Ameer Abdullah 26 (TODD)
Antonio Andrews 26 (SWANSON)
Isaiah Crowell 23 (SILKA)
James Starks 20 (TODD)
Shane Vereen 20 (SNEEN)
Spencer Ware 20 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tevin Coleman 18 (ZURAWSKI/TODD)
Andre Ellington 18 (SILKA)
Chris Johnson 18 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Javorius Allen 17 (WALTERS)
Karlos Williams 16 (ASCHEBROOK)
Alfred Morris 14 (SILKA)

Denard Robinson 14 (ZURAWSKI)
Joseph Randle 13 (ASCHEBROOK)
Branden Oliver 12 (TODD)

Tim Hightower 11 (SNEEN)
Ryan Mathews 11 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Shaun Draughn 10 (SWANSON)
Rashad Jennings 7 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Brandon Bolden 6 (ZURAWSKI)
Darren Sproles 6 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Alfred Blue 5 (ZURAWSKI)
Lance Dunbar 5 (SWANSON)
Ronnie Hillman 5 (SWANSON)
Bishop Sankey 4 (WALTERS)
Matt Jones 1 (TODD)

WR
Antonio Brown 330 (SNEEN)
Julio Jones 312 (TODD)
Odell Beckham Jr. 302 (WALTERS)
DeAndre Hopkins 283 (ZURAWSKI)
A.J. Green 236 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Jarvis Landry 234 (ZURAWSKI)

Brandon Marshall 210 (MOON)
Demaryius Thomas 205 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Calvin Johnson 204 (SILKA)
Allen Robinson 194 (MOON)
Larry Fitzgerald 193 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS)
Randall Cobb 170 (TODD)
Julian Edelman 168 (SILKA)
Emmanuel Sanders 167 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Keenan Allen 157 (TIFFANY)
Alshon Jeffery 155 (SWANSON)

Mike Evans 152 (MOON)
T.Y. Hilton 138 (WALTERS)
Eric Decker 136 (SNEEN)
Brandin Cooks 118 (TODD)
Sammy Watkins 94 (ASCHEBROOK SR./ASCHEBROOK)
Jordan Matthews 90 (SNEEN)
Donte Moncrief 90 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Martavis Bryant 88 (SNEEN)
Steve Smith Sr. 77 (SNEEN)
Golden Tate 77 (ASCHEBROOK/ZURAWSKI)
Amari Cooper 75 (SWANSON)
Danny Amendola 71 (ASCHEBROOK SR./SILKA)
Rishard Matthews 70 (ASCHEBROOK/TIFFANY)

Marvin Jones 69 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dez Bryant 64 (ASCHEBROOK)
John Brown 60 (MOON)
Stevie Johnson 54 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Doug Baldwin 52 (ZURAWSKI)
Pierre Garcon 48 (ZURAWSKI)
Vincent Jackson 46 (ASCHEBROOK/TODD)
Kendall Wright 41 (TODD)
Jeremy Maclin 35 (ASCHEBROOK)

Brandon LaFell 32 (ASCHEBROOK)
Tyler Lockett 31 (SILKA)
Stefon Diggs 29 (ASCHEBROOK)
Malcom Floyd 26 (WALTERS)
Rueben Randle 26 (WALTERS)
Kamar Aiken 24 (ZURAWSKI)
Travis Benjamin 18 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Mike Wallace 18 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Davante Adams 17 (MOON)
James Jones 14 (TODD)
Andre Johnson 11 (ZURAWSKI)
Tavon Austin 10 (TIFFANY)
Torrey Smith 9 (SILKA)
Brandon Coleman 6 (ASCHEBROOK)
Marques Colston 6 (TIFFANY)
Willie Snead 5 (SWANSON)
DeSean Jackson 4 (ZURAWSKI)
Charles Johnson 4 (MOON)
Roddy White 3 (SILKA)

TE
Rob Gronkowski 233 (ZURAWSKI)
Delanie Walker 202 (TODD)

Greg Olsen 175 (MOON)
Tyler Eifert 172 (SWANSON)
Jason Witten 138 (TIFFANY)
Travis Kelce 134 (WALTERS)
Gary Barnidge 131 (TIFFANY)

Antonio Gates 120 (ASCHEBROOK)
Jimmy Graham 117 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Martellus Bennett 105 (SNEEN)

Julius Thomas 65 (SNEEN)
Jordan Cameron 60 (SILKA)
Jordan Reed 54 (WALTERS)
Benjamin Watson 37 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Zach Ertz 30 (MOON)
Charles Clay 25 (TODD/SWANSON)
Coby Fleener 21 (SILKA)
Scott Chandler 16 (ZURAWSKI)

Zach Miller 12 (SWANSON)
Dwayne Allen 10 (ASCHEBROOK)
Jared Cook 9 (TODD)
Larry Donnell 8 (ZURAWSKI)

Richard Rodgers 8 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Eric Ebron 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Kyle Rudolph 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Austin Seferian-Jenkins 4 (ASCHEBROOK)
Vernon Davis 3 (ASCHEBROOK)


K
Stephen Gostkowski 159 (ASCHEBROOK)
Steven Hauschka 124 (TIFFANY)
Justin Tucker 116 (SNEEN)
Mason Crosby 112 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Chandler Catanzaro 110 (TODD)
Blair Walsh 93 (MOON)
Brandon McManus 91 (SWANSON)
Robbie Gould 76 (SILKA)
Matt Bryant 68 (WALTERS)
Josh Brown 51 (ZURAWSKI)
Dan Bailey 37 (MOON)

Nick Novak 34 (WALTERS)
Cairo Santos 27 (ZURAWSKI)
Matt Prater 19 (ZURAWSKI)
Cody Parkey 16 (SILKA)
Andrew Franks 14 (TODD)
Caleb Sturgis 11 (SNEEN)
Josh Lambo 9 (SWANSON)

Graham Gano 8 (ZURAWSKI)
Dustin Hopkins 7 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dan Carpenter 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Kai Forbath 3 (TODD)
Adam Vinatieri -1 (SWANSON)

DF
Denver Broncos 169 (SILKA)
Carolina Panthers 153 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)
Seattle Seahawks 117 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

New York Jets 95 (MOON/ZURAWSKI)
St. Louis Rams 95 (SNEEN)
New England Patriots 89 (TIFFANY)
Arizona Cardinals 77 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Cincinnati Bengals 60 (WALTERS/TODD)
Philadelphia Eagles 56 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Houston Texans 50 (ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS)
Buffalo Bills 47 (WALTERS/ASCHEBROOK)
Kansas City Chiefs 43 (MOON)
Minnesota Vikings 42 (MOON)
Pittsburgh Steelers 34 (WALTERS)
Atlanta Falcons 22 (SWANSON/TODD)
Chicago Bears 8 (ZURAWSKI)
Miami Dolphins 7 (TODD)
Indianapolis Colts 1 (ZURAWSKI)
Green Bay Packers -1 (TIFFANY)
Cleveland Browns -3 (ZURAWSKI)
Baltimore Ravens -4 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI/SNEEN)


Hypothetical Standings (If the 5 highest scoring teams were winners each week & No Playoffs)
Spider 2 Y Banana 10-5
Sneen Machine 10-5
Cole Top, Moon Bottom 9-6
The Donald 9-6
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds 9-6

Where's Cole? Not Here. 9-6
John, Can I Use The Suburban? 7-8
Your GF Likes Mike Ditka 6-9
Bilbo Unable To Braggins 3-12

Team Tiffany 3-12

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