WRBL, Week 7 2019

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 7
Our 5th official season of blaming Cole Walters for Neil Diamond getting my friend banned from a Pittsville bar.

Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Rise From The Asches (Scott Aschebrook) 4-3 L1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 4-3 L2
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 2-5 W1
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 1-6 L6

Shooter McGavin Division
30 to 50 Feral Hogs (Andy Todd) 7-0 W8
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 4-3 W1
Navy Is Illiterate (Nick Zurawski) 3-4 W2

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 3-4 L1

Week Six Final Scores
ANDY  98 - DARRIN  95
RYAN  127 - COLE  92
SNEEN  131 - SCOTT  82
NICK  124 - ALEC  104

Heroes of the Week: QB Aaron Rodgers (43 points), TE Darren Waller (31), RB Dalvin Cook (27)

Hero of the Week: QB Aaron Rodgers (SNEEN MACHINE)

Zero of the Week: RB David Johnson (0 points)

Waiver Wonders: RB Chase Edmonds (34 points), RB Latavius Murray (31), QB Kirk Cousins (29)

Waiver Wonder: RB Chase Edmonds (27 carries, 126 yards, 3 touchdowns, 2 catches, 24 yards)

Upcoming Week 8 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Andy vs. Scott
Nick vs. Darrin
Sneen vs. Ryan
Cole vs. Alec

Thursday Night Football: Minnesota @ Washington 7:20 PM
Sunday NOON: Cincinnati vs. LA Rams IN LONDON 
Arizona @ New Orleans
LA Chargers @ Chicago
NY Giants @ Detroit
NY Jets @ Jacksonville
Oakland @ Houston
Philadelphia @ Buffalo
Seattle @ Atlanta
Tampa Bay @ Tennessee

3:05 PM: Carolina @ San Francisco

3:25 PM: Denver @ Indianapolis
Cleveland @ New England

Sunday Night Football: Green Bay @ Kansas City 7:20 PM

Monday Night Football: Miami @ Pittsburgh 7:15 PM

BYE WEEKS: Dallas and Baltimore

Bro...

Another week, another ho-hum win for the 30-50 Feral Hogs. This is not bragging, it is simply worth pointing out that even with my team in decline and the injury bug sneaking up on the Hogs (Kerryon "My Wayward" Johnson just hit IR and Adam Thielen is OUT this Thursday), I'm still stealing reality wins despite hypothetical losses. The Hogs are the only team in Bro League history to start off the regular season 7-0, with no clear weekly starters outside of the stellar receiving trio of Michael Thomas-AdamThielen (being replaced by JuJu Smith-Schuster this week)-Cooper Kupp. Travis Kelce isn't necessarily a given with Matt Moore starting this week but hey, talent usually wins out in these types of scenarios. Trading the NFL MVP of 2018 for an extra first round draft pick in this year's draft has dramatically altered my team's outcomes for the greater with JuJu (my other, originally ONLY 1st round pick) being cursed with a rotating door of nobodies throwing to him instead of the IR'ed Ben Roethlisberger and instead, I'm riding the #1 wideout in both the NFL and (by far as of this post) the WRBL in Michael Thomas to incredible results. I nearly sabotaged my efforts this week by putting in Phillip Lindsay (4 points in a reasonably favorable matchup at home, against Kansas City) and Daniel Jones (8 points, just a wicked guess of a start over Tom F***ing Brady, who also struggled to the tune of 11 points in an easy Patriots win) but in true, PPR-league fashion, I won a close one Monday night by 3 points over Darrin's ChowHounds thanks to James White, a running back that carried the ball five times for zero yards. That's right, White's hands have made him the most consistent RB in PPR leagues (12,11,13,12,13,12 points in games he's played) and he still managed to catch seven Brady checkdowns for 59 yards and a Feral Hogs' victory. Meanwhile, Le'Veon Bell continues to struggle (just 8 points on Monday night) while getting absolutely punished by defenses behind a bad o-line to the steady rhythm of 21.5 touches per game (16 this week) and the deal-breaker that has finally made him a worrisome fantasy player in our league, despite all of his discrepancies on the NFL field, is that he hasn't been catching the ball these past two weeks (1 catch per game). So remember, even if the Sony Michels of the universe can't catch a cold on the way to the end zone again, the one time they do and it loses eight yards? Yeah, that's why there are still people in standard leagues out there. There is no right way or wrong way to play fantasy football, as long as you know what you're signing up for.

Boy, I didn't see myself pulling this much content from the Patriots' 33-0 dismantling of the New York Jets but, the Patriots are now 7-0 (because of course they are) and that defense is *chef's kiss*. Bill Belichick has thrown a bunch of randos together in the past on defense and it's worked to build a championship-level unit six times already but, we have NEVER seen anything like what they're doing for Scott in fantasy so far. 138 points through seven games isn't just first-place in defensive scoring, it's EIGHTY points above second in the WRBL (congratulations to New Orleans on having the NFC's best defense, I hope Eli Apple is okay). Even though I landed the team with one touchdown pass allowed (Danny MF'ing Dimes!) and EIGHTEEN interceptions in my TD-only league's mid-season draft this week, I'm petrified of what Scott might get from them against turnover-machine Baker Mayfield and the Cleveland Browns this week. It's a Jason McCourty/Jamie Collins revenge game! That does it, I'm planting a baggie with white substances in Patrick Chung's locker again. 

Michael Reaves/Getty Images
Patriots' Defensive Line coach Bret Bielema might get a head coaching gig in the NFL based on his team's ridiculous start to 2019 and I just cannot wrap my brain around that.

Despite all the talk about Monday night's dramatic back-and-forth between Darrin and I, there were other games that took place this week and some fantasy teams actually scored over 100 (which is basically the Mendoza line for us). One team that was not so lucky was Rise From The Asches as his reign of terror and fantasy boom weeks crashed with a fantasy bust this week as Kyler Murray game-managed his way to just over 100 yards passing and zero touchdowns, Terry McLaurin hit the rookie wall with just two points the one time Scott actually decided to use the kid and David Montgomery (1 point) continues to look like misplaced hype and excitement that quite frankly, should have just gone back to Jordan Howard one more time in Chicago (instead, he continues to be wasted by Doug Pederson in Philadelphia. You have got to love these offensive "geniuses" at work!). Scott was the loser of the week with just 82 points compared to SNEEN MACHINE's 131. Sneen's win keeps him three games behind me in the Shooter McGavin division and a game ahead of boiling Nick (his fantasy points are finally bubbling the surface) and Alec, who continues to pay his taxes like a coward. (-The IRS has logged into your blog-). Next week, Sneen plays 2-5 Ryan and if Ryan pulls off the upset, I will have a four-game lead in the division with a win myself. It's Week 8. That is insane.

  

How are Nick and Alec tied you ask? (I don't care that you weren't actually asking, just play the part of intrigued bystander) well... I'll tell ya! Despite the Cardinals giving David Johnson three snaps in the wake of a questionable injury designation and Chase Edmunds looking like the second-coming of well... David Johnson, Nick overcame the zero of the week and reverse-jinxed his way one step closer to .500 after nearly giving up (Miami Dolphins style!) just two weeks ago. Another midseason pickup of mine in the TD-only league I cannot stop referencing because I love my team so goddamn much, Darren Waller went OFF for 31 points and scored his first two career touchdowns for Nick one day after Father Todd and I sacrificed our first round pick in next year's draft for the Raiders' late blooming tight end. Navy Is Illiterate probably no read good but, 3-4 look like optimism to Z. For Alec, Saquon Barkley had another scare where he needed to be helped off the field but, came back and was worth the #1 pick again with a solid 16 point showing. Better days are ahead for the Tax Paying Homeowner, especially when there's a big name breakthrough free agent and he can easily drop an IR'ed TE Will Dissly for any depth he needs. Next week sees Nick play Darrin in a HUGE battle for wildcard purposes and possibly even more with Darrin presently tied with Scott for first in the Steven Nett division.

Alika Jenner/Getty Images
Lamar Jackson ran for over 100 yards again and gave Nick a 25-point boost in his 124-104 win.

Cole is sad. Sad backwards is "das". Has anyone seen Cole's team in the win column the last six weeks? No? "das" no good. Ryan was this week's benefactor of Cold Waters' cratering fantasy football odds. Gardner Minshew certainly helped Team Easy Breesy's cause with a 20-point showing against the Bengals but, the injury to Patrick Mahomes (who is not Christian McCaffrey) leaving Cole with just 7 points at QB (Daniel Jones outscored somebody!) was the nail in the 96ers' Week 7 coffin. Whether or not the injury to his first-round draft pick is the nail in Colieveland's season remains to be seen. This week sees Cole try to take Alec down a notch to 3-5 so, a first win since early September is plausible. Who will Cole's quarterback be? He claims to be sticking side-by-side with Crabman Jameis W-Eater Winston but, I've readily made Tom Brady available at the low, low cost of "GIVE ME YOUR BEST PLAYER FOR THE GOAT, NO QUESTIONS ASKED". 

Speaking of the GOAT, Tom Brady is a combined 14-0 in the NFL and WRBL (though he has only started four games for the 30-50 Feral Hogs, technically making him 11-0) and the Pats play the Browns this week in a game ESPN will probably cover like mad this week. Other games getting national coverage? The Kirk Cousins revenge game against shitty Washington, the Packers against KC's 3rd choice QB Matt Moore (remember, Chad Henne is on IR) and Devlin Hodges or whoever Pittsburgh pulled in this week's QB raffle versus the Dolphins. It's like the NFL is trolling us, "Shut Up and Dance" episode of Black Mirror style. I just hope Cole put tape over his webcam this week since we've all been watching him verbally announce his waiver moves this season just to screw him over and cheat him out of the championship he so clearly has earned. 1-6 or 96 points, which is the more impressive comeback? We might just find out soon. 

   

Scoring Leaders

QB

Patrick Mahomes 143 (Cole)

Russell Wilson 139 (Andy/Alec)

Lamar Jackson 136 (Nick)

Aaron Rodgers 133 (Sneen)

DeShaun Watson 127 (Darrin)

Tom Brady 88 (Andy)

Kyler Murray 74 (Scott)

Carson Wentz 62 (Scott)

Gardner Minshew II 40 (Ryan)

Dak Prescott 27 (Darrin)

Daniel Jones 21 (Andy)

Drew Brees 19 (Ryan)

Matt Ryan 18 (Nick)
Josh Allen 17 (Ryan)
Cam Newton 16 (Alec)

Jacoby Brissett 10 (Ryan)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 176 (Scott)

Dalvin Cook 159 (Sneen)

Ezekiel Elliott 130 (Ryan)

Nick Chubb 122 (Scott)

David Johnson 116 (Nick)

Leonard Fournette 105 (Nick)

Alvin Kamara 105 (Darrin)

Aaron Jones 104 (Ryan)

Mark Ingram 101 (Andy)

Derrick Henry 100 (Darrin)

Le'Veon Bell 87 (Darrin)

Devonta Freeman 87 (Scott)

Austin Ekeler 86 (Andy)

Marlon Mack 77 (Alec)

Todd Gurley 72 (Ryan)

James Conner 67 (Sneen)

Saquon Barkley 61 (Alec)

Joe Mixon 58 (Cole)

Kerryon Johnson 35 (Andy)

Josh Jacobs 32 (Nick)

Damien Williams 32 (Sneen)

Melvin Gordon 23 (Cole)

Frank Gore 23 (Cole/Darrin)

Tarik Cohen 19 (Alec)

Chris Thompson 18 (Cole)

Kenyan Drake 17 (Cole/Alec)

Miles Sanders 17 (Alec)

LeSean McCoy 16 (Cole)

James White 12 (Andy)
Chris Carson 9 (Nick)
Tevin Coleman 8 (Sneen)
Phillip Lindsay 4 (Andy)
David Montgomery 1 (Scott)

WR

Michael Thomas 153 (Andy)

Julio Jones 117 (Alec)

Keenan Allen 115 (Alec)

DeAndre Hopkins 115 (Nick)

Amari Cooper 111 (Darrin)

Julian Edelman 108 (Sneen)

Chris Godwin 103 (Cole)

Adam Thielen 103 (Andy)

Mike Evans 97 (Scott)

T.Y. Hilton 88 (Cole)

Allen Robinson 86 (Ryan)

Odell Beckham Jr. 76 (Nick)

Cooper Kupp 69 (Andy)

Davante Adams 61 (Sneen)

Brandin Cooks 58 (Ryan)

Tyrell Williams 49 (Cole)

Emmanuel Sanders 48 (Scott)

Tyreek Hill 44 (Ryan)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 43 (Andy)

Tyler Boyd 40 (Nick)

John Brown 39 (Darrin)

Tyler Lockett 36 (Cole)
Sterling Shepard 35 (Darrin)

DJ Chark 34 (Cole)

Alshon Jeffery 28 (Darrin)

Sammy Watkins 27 (Nick)

Robert Woods 24 (Sneen)
Kenny Golladay 23 (Alec)

Jarvis Landry 23 (Scott)

Larry Fitzgerald 22 (Sneen)

Marvin Jones Jr. 21 (Ryan)

Calvin Ridley 21 (Sneen)
Courtland Sutton 19 (Alec)

Antonio Brown 15 (Darrin)

Stefon Diggs 14 (Alec)
Golden Tate 14 (Scott)
Will Fuller V 10 (Ryan)
Auden Tate 9 (Alec)

Marquise Brown 6 (Alec)

Terry McLaurin 2 (Scott)

TE

Travis Kelce 94 (Andy)

Evan Engram 81 (Darrin)

Zach Ertz 78 (Sneen)

George Kittle 76 (Cole)

Austin Hooper 74 (Scott)

Darren Waller 60 (Nick)

Will Dissly 30 (Alec)

Vance McDonald 30 (Alec)

Delanie Walker 30 (Ryan)

Hunter Henry 25 (Ryan/Alec)

Jared Cook 21 (Scott/Darrin)

David Njoku 12 (Nick)

Greg Olsen 11 (Cole/Nick)
Jason Witten 7 (Ryan)

Mark Andrews 4 (Nick)
T.J. Hockenson 1 (Scott)

PK

Justin Tucker 75 (Alec)

Greg Zuerlein 71 (Ryan)

Harrison Butker 66 (Nick)

Wil Lutz 66 (Andy)

Jake Elliott 43 (Sneen)

Mason Crosby 37 (Cole)

Robbie Gould 35 (Cole/Scott)

Stephen Gostkowski 32 (Darrin)

Josh Lambo 19 (Darrin)

Ka'imi Fairbairn 16 (Scott)

Mike Nugent 13 (Scott)
Joey Slye 2 (Darrin)

DF

New England Patriots 138 (Scott)

New Orleans Saints 58 (Alec)

Los Angeles Rams 55 (Sneen)

Buffalo Bills 54 (Darrin)

Chicago Bears 54 (Nick)

Los Angeles Chargers 40 (Ryan)

Philadelphia Eagles 35 (Cole)

Jacksonville Jaguars 26 (Scott/Cole)

Baltimore Ravens 25 (Andy/Nick)

Carolina Panthers 25 (Cole/Darrin)

Dallas Cowboys 14 (Andy/Cole)
San Francisco 49ers 13 (Andy)

Washington 12 (Andy)

Tennessee Titans 7 (Andy)

Arizona Cardinals 2 (Cole)

Hypothetical Standings

30 to 50 Feral Hogs 5-2
Team ChowHounds 4-3
Tax Paying Homeowner 4-3
Rise From The Asches 3-4

Navy Is Illiterate 3-4
Colieveland 96ers 3-4
SNEEN MACHINE 3-4
Team Easy Breesy 3-4