Super Bowl LI: The Game That Will Somehow Be Overshadowed

The 2016 NFL season has been an interesting ride and will conclude this Sunday on FOX (beginning around 6:30 PM ET) as the New England Patriots look for their fifth championship in fifteen years against the Atlanta Falcons, a team that has yet to hold a Lombardi Trophy of their own. The game takes place after two weeks of the juiciest drama the NBA has ever seen, a month of lackluster playoff games (not including Dallas vs. Green Bay), 9 NFL weeks that were poorly played and overlooked because of the tumultuous election season. In short, this is one the quietest build-ups to Super Bowl weekend in recent memory. Even media day had zero interest in the sports news cycle. The best match-up would have been New England vs. Green Bay as it would have pitted the 2 (brace yourself for this hot take) GREATEST QUARTERBACKS IN NFL HISTORY in Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers against each other while a majority of the nation fumed with jealousy as two spoiled franchises added to their trophy cases/legacies.

Dale Zanine - USA TODAY Sports
Matt Ryan's MVP-like performances have gotten him this far.

It's not Atlanta's fault that the hype for this game has seemed small in comparison to past years. After all, the Falcons have the #1 offense in the NFL and the game should be an epic four hours of one-score football reminiscent of every Super Bowl that the Belichick/Brady combination have ever been a part of together. I want to be careful here since the 18-0 Pats lost to a seemingly mediocre (by Super Bowl standards) Giants team and could not avenge their loss four years later despite rostering Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez at the same damn time but, this does not seem like a game that a healthy Tom Brady ever loses. Atlanta's defense is either way too young or way too old to stop an offense so intelligently coached and versatile. Dwight Freeney needs deer antler spray to put in a performance that in any way resembles the players we've become accustomed to bothering offenses in this game.

Ultimately, it's Bill Belichick versus Dan Quinn and I'm taking Belichick 99 times out of 100, even against Julio Jones' mammoth frame. Don't be shocked if it comes down to the last minute again and don't be shocked if one of the following things is talked about more than whatever happens in the game during the next day's news cycle...

1. Donald Trump's pre-game interview. (Want to have fun at a Super Bowl party this year? Bring up this guy and don't be afraid to reference specific policies throughout the game because fuck having fun or any type of comfortability around others, right?)

2. Lady Gaga's halftime show (She's a known wildcard. There could be bizarre outfits, she could make things political since that's all anybody does in 2017 for better or worse or she might even bring out guests like 90-year old Tony Bennett and stun that half of the country that still thinks she's some over-manufactured pop artist with no real vocal ability. (These people still exist and they are idiots.)

3. The Super Bowl ads are actually decent this year.

4. Joe Buck continues to get bashed nationally for football biases he does not actually have and unleashes a fiery rant that has been building up inside of him for years.

5. Another Falcon gets arrested the night before the game after Michael Vick's retirement party.

6. Darrelle Revis pulls a Marshawn Lynch and posts a photo on Instagram of all three of his NFL jerseys, with a stack of money on top of each and a ring on his Pats' uniform as well. The caption will read "Heading to the island. #WorthIt"

My Pick: New England wins 34-31.

Matt Freed/Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Belichick will recognize the weakness that is Atlanta's run defense, keep it safe by handing the ball to LeGarrette Blount and eventually, handing the MVP trophy to Blount as well.