Friday, November 13, 2015

Please Stop Existing: Dallas Cowboys Edition

Dez Bryant caught that pass in last season's NFC Divisional Round of the playoffs. It does not matter what definition the NFL has for a catch, in every other definition of the word "catch" or "possession", Dez Bryant had that ball and the Cowboys would have been inside the Green Bay 5-yard line, looking to take the lead. Unfortunately for everybody involved, the referees called the pass incomplete and the Packers ran out the clock This one downright idiotic call has had a butterfly effect like no other on the NFL in 2015 and has made "America's Team" (Let's stop pretending they own that label) the most dysfunctional franchise in a division that includes Dan Snyder and Chip Kelly's wild ride of transactions. If the team would have somehow won that game over Green Bay (and I really don't think they would have even with the catch), they would not have been motivated to sign Greg Hardy. If the referees would have ruled that obvious reception a catch and Dallas managed to win, Dez Bryant might have signed with another team and toned down his passionate yelling he does on a weekly basis. If, if, if, if, if, if, IF...

Instead, we are now forced to live in a world where a team decided to pass up all of the basic instincts of "maybe we ought to get a better background check on this Hardy character. Quick, ask the league office for the evidence on his domestic violence case." We live in a world where deciding to throw 30+ passes with Brandon Weeden and/or Matt Cassel is seen as a good idea by a head coach. We live in a world where people look at Greg Hardy and Dez Bryant under the same umbrella because Jerry Jones so lovingly refers to both as "passionate" or "leaders" when the two could not be more different inside the locker room and out (at least, with what is public knowledge). We live in a world where Dallas Cowboys exist right now and it sucks.

The latest news from AT&T Stadium is that Dez Bryant went on a locker room tirade after fellow-receiver Devin Street told Bryant that ESPN reporter Jean-Jacques Taylor referred to Street by a racial slur and that sent Bryant on a ten-minute rant witnessed by every reporter inside the locker room this Thursday. I am not here to say that Taylor absolutely did or did not do this but, seemingly all reports from the other reporters (including ESPN's John Clayton among others) is that this is a false accusation. What seems to have occurred here is that Street probably disliked something Taylor said about either Street (like some sarcastic commentary on Street's play) or the team in general (The Cowboys are on a six-game losing streak after all) and decided to take advantage of having an extremely vocal and emotional teammate by falsely accusing Taylor. My point is... Dez Bryant seems to be stepping up for a teammate and all the reporters are twisting his tirade into their own negative stories when once again, it just seems like Bryant is being a good teammate who just happens to not be great with the press or in getting his thoughts across to outsiders. This would have a much different narrative from sports media personalities if Dallas had just beaten Philadelphia on Sunday night. 

Greg Hardy is not a leader. We know what Greg Hardy has done

As for the less serious problems with the organization, it is basically time to blow the whole damn thing up and replace everyone. You know what would have stopped Dez Bryant from exploding on a member of the media this past week? A head coach with a spine. Jason Garrett has done an incredible job at being a mediocre head coach for a long time. If he had any type of coaching instincts, he would have pulled Bryant aside at some point in the past and told him to change his demeanor a bit so that we don't have to sit through 50 minutes of discussions about what kind of teammate Dez Bryant is on every single sports-related talk show. Does anybody actually believe these outbursts would still be happening if Dallas had hired a better head coach (Mike Zimmer) at some point?

Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones
Enough about the Bryant storyline, I've done my yearly rant involving an Oklahoma State alum and a possible racial slur. Let's discuss what's wrong with the once 2-0 team's play on the field. First of all, cut Greg Hardy immediately, it is not that hard to find a pass-rusher in today's NFL that you need to completely tarnish the image of your franchise and erase any good you've done as an owner over the past three decades. For quicker results, Tony Romo needs to come back immediately if this team wants to have any shot at the postseason and quite frankly, once the season is over, the team needs to start scouting the next rookie class for Romo's replacement. They kept trotting him out last season with his bad back and would not even sit him during blowouts for whatever reasons they made up for themselves. It was stupid then and it's stupid now. Fire Jason Garrett, this team cannot go winless simply because their Quarterback got hurt, I don't care if their QB was Joe Montana, it's been too long and this guy has not had the success nor has he made the best coaching decisions (remember when all they did was pass in 2013?) to still be calling plays and leading this team (PS: How many "leaders" does a team need?). The team really needs defensive backs worse than any season previous as the Brandon Carr contract has proven to be disastrous and with Orlando Scandrick out for the year and rookie Byron Jones still figuring out the NFL, the team needs to look for a Cornerback and/or some Safeties for better results from the pass defense. Also, they need a receiving option other than Dez Bryant because Jason Witten does not have much time left and Terrance Williams is a glorified fourth-string receiver listed second on the depth chart. 

Overall, this team needs to do a complete overhaul in the front office (Jerry can't be the GM anymore), in the coaching staff, with their public perception, on offense and on defense. The only things that Dallas has done right since 2010 is bring in Dez Bryant and build an offensive line, those should stay unless the new GM in this metaphorical scenario can get some great returns for Bryant or an o-lineman. Unfortunately, they won't do any of this because GM Jerry Jones is the only person with a say in the organization's staffing and this ship will sink with him. And Dez Bryant made that catch by the way.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

WRBL Week 9 2015

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 9
Our 2nd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for the ladybug apocalypse of 2015


Current Standings
Thelma Division
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds (Father Aschebrook) 6-3 L3
Sneen Machine (Tyler Sneen) 6-3 W3
Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness (Nick Zurawski) 5-4 L2
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 5-4 W4
Bilbo Unable To Braggins (Scott Aschebrook) 3-6 W1

Louise Division
Arian Foster's Achilles Heel (Alec Swanson) 6-3 W2
Spider 2 Y Banana (Andy Todd) 6-3 W3
Show Stoppers (Cole Walters) 4-5 L1
Team Silka (Alex Silka) 3-6 L5
Team Tiffany (Josh Tiffany) 1-8 L3

Week Nine Final Scores
SNEEN  181  ASCHEBROOK SR.  134
ASCHEBROOK  129  ZURAWSKI  112
TODD  144  WALTERS  123
MOON  111  TIFFANY  95
SWANSON  114  SILKA  67


Kirby Lee - USA TODAY Sports
Hero of the Week: WR Antonio Brown (Sneen Machine)
Heroes of the Week: WR Antonio Brown (Sneen), RB DeAngelo Williams (Silka), RB Lamar Miller (Aschebrook)

Zeros of the Week: RB Eddie Lacy (Silka), K Robbie Gould (Silka), Owner Alex Silka (Silka)

Getty Images
Zero of the Week: K Robbie Gould (Team Silka)
Upcoming Week 10 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Spider 2 Y Banana v. Arian Foster's Achilles Heel
Team Silka v. Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds
Team Moon v. Bilbo Unable To Braggins
Show Stoppers v. Team Tiffany
Sneen Machine v. Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness

BYE WEEK: San Diego Chargers, Indianapolis Colts, San Francisco 49ers, Atlanta Falcons

Thursday Game: Buffalo @ NY Jets 7:25 PM
Sunday: Detroit @ Green Bay NOON
Dallas @ Tampa Bay NOON
Carolina @ Tennessee NOON
Chicago @ St. Louis NOON
New Orleans @ Washington NOON
Miami @ Philadelphia NOON
Cleveland @ Pittsburgh NOON
Jacksonville @ Baltimore NOON
Minnesota @ Oakland 3:05 PM 
New England @ NY Giants 3:25 PM
Kansas City @ Denver 3:25 PM
Arizona @ Seattle 7:30 PM
Monday: Houston @ Cincinnati 7:30 PM

Bro...
After spending all of my Sunday in a bar like the lowlife that I am, I was pleased to return home to the news that Spider 2 Y Banana was likely victorious again (of course, there were still two players left on Cole's team for Monday Night but, he needed a whole lot more from Jeremy Langford and Malcom Floyd than what he got) and audibly "ooo"-ed and "wow"-ed multiple other results in the Bro League. Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds have inexplicably dropped three straight after looking like the clear championship favorites at 6-0 and even though it took a new-record 181 points from Sneen Machine to do so, a loss is a loss in this league (except for in the hypothetical standings). Team Silka once again forgot to set a lineup and suffered the consequences of multiple players on bye. It's a good thing Alex had DeAngelo Williams as the Steeler RB counted for 38 of the team's 67 points. Scott upset Nick in more ways than one with his third win of the year as he tries to make a late push for the playoffs and Team Tiffany is pretty much eliminated from the playoffs as he fell to 1-8 after losing this week's closest competition to Team Moon.

In the NFL, three undefeateds remain including the New England Patriots, Cincinnati Bengals and Carolina Panthers. The Panthers have won two straight games that they almost blew in the closing minutes to a wounded Colts team and the Packers. The Patriots look like they could run the table but, we are still only 50% of the way through the regular season and Cincinnati looks like a team that will drop a game when we least expect it and might actually win a playoff game for once in Marvin Lewis's life. It was another week of injuries as Dion Lewis of Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds and Patriot fame tore his ACL and now we'll have to wait and see or play the guessing game as to who the Patriot RB is that steps up as his replacement (Brandon Bolden? James White? Maurice Clarett?). Another injury to a Bro League starter occurred late in the day and went unannounced until Tuesday as Andrew Luck LACERATED HIS GODDAMN KIDNEY AND SHRUGGED IT OFF LIKE A G. Luck will now miss 2-6 weeks with that plus an abdominal tear plus maybe, possibly, not really broken ribs. It was also nice to see the Broncos lose as, let's face it, we're all tired of watching that team eek out wins thanks to their defense. Also, Blaine Gabbert beat the once-hyped Atlanta Falcons.

This week, the Thursday Night Game features Chris Ivory, Brandon Marshall and a questionable LeSean McCoy so change your lineups accordingly. The early Sunday slate includes the Packers likely putting up 40 on Detroit (they're angry), Dallas trying to dodge a seventh straight loss without Tony Romo in what would be their most embarrassing loss to date against Tampa, Marcus Mariota facing a real test in the Panthers defense and a boatload of fantasy points between the red-hot Drew Brees and his targets against Washington. Bye Week studs include Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Devonta Freeman, Philip Rivers, Antonio Gates, Frank Gore, Donte Moncrief and no relevant 49ers. The Bro League face-offs are pretty intriguing as well with head-to-head match-ups between Alec and myself (both 6-3 teams), Sneen and Nick (both above .500), Evan and Scott (could basically end Scott's season), Cole and Josh (Can Josh ever get that 2nd win?), and Silka and Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds (If Aschebrook Sr. loses, we'll have a new team atop the standings). It's going to be one hell of an intense weekend and with one bye week left, the playoffs are beginning to shape out.

2015 Scoring Leaders

QB
Tom Brady 200 (TODD)
Aaron Rodgers 163 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Drew Brees 146 (SNEEN)
Philip Rivers 138 (MOON)
Matt Ryan 138 (SWANSON)
Russell Wilson 120 (SILKA)
Andrew Luck 112 (ZURAWSKI)
Carson Palmer 102 (ASCHEBROOK)
Eli Manning 92 (WALTERS)
Cam Newton 81 (TIFFANY)
Peyton Manning 57 (TIFFANY)
Tyrod Taylor 50 (ASCHEBROOK)
Blake Bortles 31 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Sam Bradford 27 (MOON)
Andy Dalton 23 (WALTERS)
Ben Roethlisberger 23 (WALTERS)
Ryan Tannehill 19 (ASCHEBROOK/ZURAWSKI)
Derek Carr 13 (ZURAWSKI)
Colin Kaepernick 13 (SNEEN)
Alex Smith 13 (ZURAWSKI)
Tony Romo 6 (WALTERS)

RB
Devonta Freeman 199 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Mark Ingram 147 (ZURAWSKI)
Danny Woodhead 143 (TIFFANY)
Lamar Miller 130 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Adrian Peterson 122 (MOON)
Chris Ivory 117 (WALTERS)
Matt Forte 115 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
DeMarco Murray 112 (SNEEN)
Justin Forsett 102 (SNEEN)
Jamaal Charles 96 (ASCHEBROOK)
Todd Gurley 88 (TODD)
LeSean McCoy 80 (WALTERS)
Jonathan Stewart 80 (TIFFANY)
Doug Martin 79 (SWANSON)
Arian Foster 73 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Carlos Hyde 73 (TODD)
Latavius Murray 72 (MOON)
Marshawn Lynch 68 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
DeAngelo Williams 68 (SILKA)
Dion Lewis 58 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jeremy Hill 49 (MOON)
T.J. Yeldon 45 (SNEEN)
Frank Gore 44 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Eddie Lacy 42 (SILKA)
Giovani Bernard 38 (ZURAWSKI)
Melvin Gordon 36 (WALTERS)
C.J. Anderson 34 (TIFFANY)
Duke Johnson Jr. 33 (TODD)
Darren McFadden 31 (ASCHEBROOK)
Ameer Abdullah 26 (TODD)
Jeremy Langford 25 (WALTERS)
Isaiah Crowell 23 (SILKA)
Theo Riddick 21 (WALTERS)
Charcandrick West 21 (TODD)
Shane Vereen 20 (SNEEN)
Chris Johnson 18 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Karlos Williams 16 (ASCHEBROOK)
Alfred Morris 14 (SILKA)
Joseph Randle 13 (ASCHEBROOK)
Branden Oliver 12 (TODD)
Antonio Andrews 11 (SWANSON)
Tevin Coleman 9 (ZURAWSKI)
David Johson 6 (SILKA)
Darren Sproles 6 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Alfred Blue 5 (ZURAWSKI)
Lance Dunbar 5 (SWANSON)
Bishop Sankey 4 (WALTERS)
Rashad Jennings 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Matt Jones 1 (TODD)

WR
Julio Jones 219 (TODD)
DeAndre Hopkins 187 (ZURAWSKI)
Antonio Brown 184 (SNEEN)
Odell Beckham Jr. 173 (WALTERS)
Julian Edelman 159 (SILKA)
Keenan Allen 157 (TIFFANY)
A.J. Green 140 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Demaryius Thomas 137 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Jarvis Landry 136 (ZURAWSKI)
Larry Fitzgerald 131 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Emmanuel Sanders 130 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Calvin Johnson 125 (SILKA)
Randall Cobb 115 (TODD)
T.Y. Hilton 106 (WALTERS)
Alshon Jeffery 92 (SWANSON)
Brandon Marshall 84 (MOON)
Allen Robinson 82 (MOON)
Jordan Matthews 80 (SNEEN)
Steve Smith Sr. 77 (SNEEN)
John Brown 60 (MOON)
Mike Evans 58 (MOON)
Donte Moncrief 58 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Rishard Matthews 54 (ASCHEBROOK/TIFFANY)
Brandin Cooks 50 (TODD)
Pierre Garcon 48 (ZURAWSKI)
Amari Cooper 46 (SWANSON)
Golden Tate 44 (ASCHEBROOK/ZURAWSKI)
Kendall Wright 41 (TODD)
Jeremy Maclin 35 (ASCHEBROOK)
Vincent Jackson 34 (ASCHEBROOK)
Eric Decker 32 (SNEEN)
Stefon Diggs 29 (ASCHEBROOK)
Malcom Floyd 26 (WALTERS)
Tyler Lockett 24 (SILKA)
Danny Amendola 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Sammy Watkins 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dez Bryant 21 (ASCHEBROOK)
Martavis Bryant 20 (SNEEN)
Stevie Johnson 20 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Travis Benjamin 18 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Rueben Randle 18 (WALTERS)
Mike Wallace 18 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Davante Adams 17 (MOON)
Brandon LaFell 15 (ASCHEBROOK)
James Jones 14 (TODD)
Andre Johnson 11 (ZURAWSKI)
Tavon Austin 10 (TIFFANY)
Torrey Smith 9 (SILKA)
Brandon Coleman 6 (ASCHEBROOK)
Marques Colston 6 (TIFFANY)
Willie Snead 5 (SWANSON)
DeSean Jackson 4 (ZURAWSKI)
Charles Johnson 4 (MOON)
Marvin Jones 3 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Roddy White 3 (SILKA)

TE
Rob Gronkowski 152 (ZURAWSKI)
Tyler Eifert 131 (SWANSON)
Travis Kelce 107 (WALTERS)
Delanie Walker 104 (TODD)
Martellus Bennett 97 (SNEEN)
Jimmy Graham 93 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jason Witten 91 (TIFFANY)
Greg Olsen 87 (MOON)
Antonio Gates 60 (ASCHEBROOK)
Gary Barnidge 57 (TIFFANY)
Jordan Cameron 49 (SILKA)
Zach Ertz 30 (MOON)
Charles Clay 25 (TODD/SWANSON)
Benjamin Watson 20 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dwayne Allen 10 (ASCHEBROOK)
Jordan Reed 10 (WALTERS)
Jared Cook 9 (TODD)
Larry Donnell 8 (ZURAWSKI)
Eric Ebron 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Kyle Rudolph 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Austin Seferian-Jenkins 4 (ASCHEBROOK)
Julius Thomas 1 (SNEEN)

K
Stephen Gostkowski 100 (ASCHEBROOK)
Justin Tucker 82 (SNEEN)
Steven Hauschka 81 (TIFFANY)
Matt Bryant 68 (WALTERS)
Brandon McManus 61 (SWANSON)
Mason Crosby 60 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Blair Walsh 53 (MOON)
Chandler Catanzaro 46 (TODD)
Dan Bailey 37 (MOON)
Josh Brown 35 (ZURAWSKI)
Robbie Gould 30 (SILKA)
Matt Prater 19 (ZURAWSKI)
Cody Parkey 16 (SILKA)
Andrew Franks 14 (TODD)
Caleb Sturgis 11 (SNEEN)
Josh Lambo 9 (SWANSON)
Dustin Hopkins 7 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dan Carpenter 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Kai Forbath 3 (TODD)
Adam Vinatieri -1 (SWANSON)

DF
Denver Broncos 122 (SILKA)
St. Louis Rams 81 (SNEEN)
Seattle Seahawks 78 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Carolina Panthers 62 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)
New England Patriots 62 (TIFFANY)
New York Jets 57 (MOON/ZURAWSKI)
Philadelphia Eagles 48 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Buffalo Bills 47 (WALTERS/ASCHEBROOK)
Kansas City Chiefs 43 (MOON)
Philadelphia Eagles 39 (TODD)
Houston Texans 31 (ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS)
Arizona Cardinals 30 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Atlanta Falcons 22 (SWANSON/TODD)
Cincinnati Bengals 8 (WALTERS)
Miami Dolphins 7 (TODD)
Indianapolis Colts 1 (ZURAWSKI)
Minnesota Vikings 1 (MOON)
Green Bay Packers -1 (TIFFANY)
Cleveland Browns -3 (ZURAWSKI)
Baltimore Ravens -4 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI/SNEEN)

Hypothetical Standings (If the 5 highest scoring teams were winners each week)
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds 7-2
Spider 2 Y Banana 6-3
Sneen Machine 6-3
Arian Foster's Achilles Heel 6-3
Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness 5-4
Team Moon 5-4
Bilbo Unable To Braggins 3-6
Show Stoppers 3-6
Team Tiffany 2-7
Team Silka 2-7

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

A New & Improved College Football Top 25

Last week, the NCAA's college football playoff committee debuted their first top 25 rankings in their second season in power. I did not feel comfortable releasing a top 25 immediately for two reasons.

A. I did not have the time.
B. Alabama-LSU would have erased whatever I wrote about those two teams last week.

So, now it is time for me to come out from my two-television cellar and tell everyone how the rankings SHOULD look.

My College Football Ranks (and only mine)
(AP Photo/Paul Vernon)
Ezekiel Elliott is ready to enter Heisman conversations now.
#1. Ohio State - After a 28-14 win over Minnesota, the Buckeyes now have three underwhelming victories over less-than-stellar football universities. J.T. Barrett is back under center after a one-game suspension for operating a vehicle under the influence and in every game Barrett has started, the Buckeyes look like the same team that won the title last season. The rest of the team is loaded with talent but, they are still just as reliant on their #1 QB as every other team.

#2. Clemson - The ACC should be all theirs with a win over Florida State this past Saturday. 23-13 might not be dominant enough to convince people to keep them at #1 however, the team is still nearly fully healthy and has had one of the strongest strength of schedules so far.

#3. Baylor - I understand and kind of support the decision to keep the Big 12 leader out of the playoff since the conference doesn't have a championship game (the ONLY reason they are behind 'Bama in reality) but realistically speaking, this is a playoff team with college's best offense.

#4. Oklahoma State - After the Cowboys sneaked out a few wins over disappointments like Texas, Kansas State and West Virginia, I never saw this team upsetting TCU. QB Mason Rudolph and WR James Washington have exploded into the public eye and the team has clearly changed since the tragedy that took place at their homecoming parade.

#5. Alabama - No matter how good Nick Saban's team is, they will find a way into the playoff thanks to the importance of TV ratings. The defense is finally playing like a Crimson Tide defense and Derrick Henry is another Running Back with a legitimate chance at the Heisman. This team better hope they never fall behind though, as the passing game still leaves a lot left to be desired.

#6. Iowa - As usual, the Hawkeye offensive line is fantastic. The thing that surprises me most about the leap from 2014 to 2015 for Iowa is the progress of QB C.J. Beathard. He went from battling Michigan QB Jake Rudock for a starting job (when he was not anything special) to becoming a good game-manager that can also spread the pigskin around to multiple receivers. He's probably not up for the test of an Ohio State defense quite yet but, Iowa's defense is ready for the Big Ten Championship.

#7. LSU - Whatever flaws they had were exposed by Alabama and yet, I still believe in Brandon Harris as a college QB and obviously, this was a fluke game from Leonard Fournette.

#8. Notre Dame - I had not watched enough Pittsburgh Panther football this year and yet, the way the Fighting Irish dominated them surprised the heck out of me. This might be one of the better underrated offensive lines around as it does not seem to matter who is lined up in the backfield, success will follow.

#9. Stanford - Nobody trusts Kevin Hogan in big games but, Ed McCaffery's son Christian is finding every hole in his path and destroying teams single-handedly. If this defense suffered any type of loss, the Cardinal would be in trouble but, they breezed through Colorado this weekend.

#10. Oklahoma - It's odd seeing Oklahoma not getting enough respect when in years past, the argument could have been made that they got too much respect. When the conference is in flux, apparently the Sooners are just considered part of the problem instead of a top-ten team.

#11. TCU - With all of the injuries that I have brought up every week, it should not have been as surprising to see them crumble against a real team like Oklahoma State. Mike Gundy had the perfect gameplan for Trevone Boykin and whatever it was, it worked as he threw four picks in his worst game ever. The team is not out of the playoff chase but, with the lack of value put on Big 12 teams, it's doubtful they will ever be in the same discussions as Alabama or Notre Dame again in 2015.

#12. Michigan State - How does one rank a team that had no business defeating Michigan and no business losing to Nebraska? Are those two ties? one loss? I just don't think this team is anywhere near as good as everyone else believes. Connor Cook has taken steps backward and the running game misses Jeremy Langford. The defense is still just as alive as ever but, questions are rising after getting beaten by Nebraska's lame-duck offense.

#13. Florida - 9-7 win over Vanderbilt? Yuck. Ok. Sure. They are 100% going to lose again this season with the suspension of Will Grier.

#14. Utah - The defense did a nice job against Washington but, has looked like less of a threat than in previous battles. At least their defense isn't their shaky offense. 

#15. Michigan - The Wolverines crushing of Rutgers should surprise nobody. Rutgers is terrible. The thing that does surprise me (still) is how competent this offense is in their first year under Jim Harbaugh. He really has done amazing things with this program and has done more than saved what would otherwise be another depressing 6-6 or 5-7 year. They are 7-2 and without one botched punt, would be 8-1.

#16. Houston - Barely sneaking past Cincinnati is not going to garner them more respect but, Cincy is underrated and it should not hurt the Cougars chances at passing up the two-loss schools.

#17. North Carolina - Wasn't the Tar Heel key to success this season through their defense? A 66-31 win over ultimate-rival Duke might have given the committee a new perspective on this underrated ACC team. 

#18. Temple - Giving up 40 to SMU is sort of ridiculous. Scoring 60 points is ridiculously good. Ultimately, the Owls did nothing to their ranking in my opinion and that loss to highly-ranked Notre Dame is still the only blemish on their results.

#19. UCLA - Shutting out Oregon State would have done a lot more for the public perception of the Bruins if Oregon State weren't two less-qualified people running from the boulder in Indiana Jones. Either way, a shutout is a shutout and Josh Rosen looked a lot more like his week one self and Jim Mora's team has a real shot at a Pac-12 title once they defeat Utah on the 21st.

#20. Wisconsin - Two losses to two top-six teams. A 7-point win over Maryland gets you nowhere but, a win is a win and despite Wisconsin's Quarterback being a Punter who showed up for the wrong tryouts one day, the Badgers two losses are extremely respectable. It might not be the Badger team of old and yet, they'd have a real chance against Michigan State right now.

#21. Navy - They beat undefeated Memphis.

#22. Memphis - They lost to one-loss Navy.

#23. Florida State - The ACC still isn't the definition of tremendous accomplishment in college football but, Florida State is still really good and have only lost to #1-at-the-moment Clemson and Georgia Tech on a wild last-minute play. I could see this team winning out no matter which of the two Quarterbacks (Sean Maguire/Everett Golson) starts. Jimbo Fisher should probably feel safer in starting Maguire for the future.

#24. Boise State - Teams always look better after taking a week off and after some studying, the Broncos look a lot better with every one of their wins being dominant (outside of the opener against Washington) and two shutouts. The losses to BYU and Utah State are not great by any means but, figuring out the 24th and 25th ranked teams usually requires a dartboard at this point in the season. 

#25. Western Kentucky - I didn't think I'd be ranking this team again after they lost to LSU but, here we are. They nearly defeated Indiana (35-38) and held on for a half against one of the nation's best teams in LSU. Conference-USA might be a whole bunch of easy pushovers but, the Hilltoppers still seem better prepared for out of conference games than expected.

My Heisman Ballot
Photo by Bill Feig
Despite a bad game against a rival team, Leonard Fournette is still the only name that seems to fit the "Heisman Favorite" label at this moment.
#1. RB Leonard Fournette (LSU) - 1,383 Rushing yards-7.1 YPC-16 TD's
#2. RB Derrick Henry (Alabama) - 1,254 Rushing yards-5.8 YPC-17 TD's
#3. WR Corey Coleman (Baylor) - 58-1,178-20 TD's
#4. RB Ezekiel Elliott (Ohio State) - 1,244 Rushing yards-6.4 YPC-14 TD's
#5. QB Trevone Boykin (TCU) - 65.9%-3,373-29 TD-9 INT, 597 Rushing yards-8 TD's

Good luck to your teams and may the robots in the committee programmed by Nick Saban form opinions of their own! 

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

WRBL Week 8 2015

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 8
Our 2nd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for whatever happened to the 49ers


Current Standings
Herbstreit Division
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds (Father Aschebrook) 6-2 L2
Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness (Nick Zurawski) 5-3 L1
Sneen Machine (Tyler Sneen) 5-3 W2
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 4-4 W3
Bilbo Unable To Braggins (Scott Aschebrook) 2-6 L1

Fowler Division
Arian Foster's Achilles Heel (Alec Swanson) 5-3 W1
Spider 2 Y Banana (Andy Todd) 5-3 W2
Show Stoppers (Cole Walters) 4-4 W1
Team Silka (Alex Silka) 3-5 L4
Team Tiffany (Josh Tiffany) 1-7 L2

Week Eight Final Scores
WALTERS  148  ASCHEBROOK SR.  89
SWANSON  130  ZURAWSKI  101
TODD  147  ASCHEBROOK  124
MOON  128  SILKA  91
SNEEN  146  TIFFANY  105

Advocate Staff - Matthew Hinton
Hero of the Week: QB Drew Brees (Sneen Machine)
Heroes of the Week: QB Drew Brees (Sneen), WR Odell Beckham Jr. (Walters), QB Eli Manning (Walters)

Zeros of the Week: RB Andre Ellington (Silka), DF New York Jets (Zurawski), HC Ken Whisenhunt (Free Agent)

USA TODAY Sports - Troy Taormina
Zero of the Week: Head Coach Ken Whisenhunt (fired by Titans, 6-44 over last 50 games as an NFL Head Coach)
Upcoming Week 9 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Spider 2 Y Banana v. Show Stoppers
Team Tiffany v. Team Moon
Sneen Machine v. Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds
Arian Foster's Achilles Heel v. Team Silka
Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness v. Bilbo Unable To Braggins

BYE WEEK: Seattle Seahawks, Houston Texans, Kansas City Chiefs, Detroit Lions, Arizona Cardinals, Baltimore Ravens

Thursday Game: Cleveland @ Cincinnati 7:25 PM
Sunday: Green Bay @ Carolina NOON
Washington @ New England NOON
Tennessee @ New Orleans NOON
Miami @ Buffalo NOON
St. Louis @ Minnesota NOON
Jacksonville @ NY Jets NOON
Oakland @ Pittsburgh NOON
NY Giants @ Tampa Bay 3:05 PM
Atlanta @ San Francisco 3:05 PM 
Denver @ Indianapolis 3:25 PM
Philadelphia @ Dallas 7:30 PM
Monday: Chicago @ San Diego 7:30 PM

Bro...
Did your fantasy team survive the NFL's Red Wedding Week? Reading my timeline on Sunday was like reading the Titanic shipwreck's obituaries. It was just name after name after name. Tyler Sneen and his machine lost angry pitbull Steve Smith Sr. to a torn Achilles and will have one less flex option. J-Tiff lost his only non-disappointment not named Woodhead in Keenan Allen and will struggle at the WR1 slot. Teams Moon and Silka both suffered injuries to starting WR's Brandon Marshall and Calvin Johnson, who are both questionable for the upcoming week. I lost Kendall Wright potentially for 2-4 weeks a few days after sneakily adding already-injured Vincent Jackson and having to cut injured RB Carlos Hyde. Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds lost one of the five best remaining RBs in the league in Matt Forte' for at least one week. The worst injury of all though, happened to defending champion Nick Zurawski as Le'Veon Bell tore his MCL and is down for the season. Previously, Rapmaster Nicky Z used Giovani Bernard and had LeGarrette Blount sitting all cozy on his bench but, now it might just be time for those two to be relied upon on a weekly basis (which might be more frightening than anything any of us saw on Halloween). Only time and points will tell whether the impact of the NFL's Red Wedding Week will be felt throughout the rest of the season but, it seems impossible for it not to have any impact. 

Ken Whisenhunt has been fired as Head Coach of the Tennessee Titans and will be replaced by former Bills/Jaguars' HC Mike Mularkey so, all of those fantasy owners with relevant Titans in the league may now rejoice (literally nobody but me). Also canned, Colts Offensive Coordinator Pep Hamilton was replaced by Rob Chudzinski (former Browns' one-season wonder as a Head Coach) and I'm sure Chudzinski will stop calling those plays were Andrew Luck hangs onto the ball way too long and throws picks instead of hitting the open receiver. In all seriousness, the move might not mean much this week as the Colts face the Denver Broncos who totally Cosby'd the Packers on Sunday Night Football (you can decipher the multiple ways the phrase "Cosby'd" works in this instance. Did someone slip something in Rodgers' drink pregame?). In the now-weekly Cowboy backfield update, Joseph Randle was straight up cut, making an earlier trade between Scott and Josh look a bit more lopsided for the exact opposite teams we had originally thought. Is Peyton Manning back? Lol, no. That doesn't mean he won't be as serviceable as say... Alex Smith but, there were still many audible quacks heard on his throws that Green Bay just defended incredibly poorly. 

Jack Dempsey/AP Photo
A weaker Aaron Rodgers performance has never been seen before in the NFL.
With all three of the London games in our rearview mirror, the only early game to worry about for setting lineups early is Thursday night's AFC North showdown between the Cincinnati Bengals and JOHNAAAY FOOTBAWWW and the Cleveland Browns. For the only time all year, there are six teams on a bye week for some dumb reason (there were only 2 week 4!) and the list of unusable players include Marshawn Lynch, Jimmy Graham, Charcandrick West, Jeremy Maclin, Justin Forsett, DeAndre Hopkins, Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald. This week's bro league match-ups include a potential major standings shakeup if Sneen Machine manages to upset Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds and an intriguing battle between the 4-4 Show Stoppers and his rival, 5-3 Spider 2 Y Banana (I still haven't forgotten about the delayed draft night, Cole). Nick will try to rebound from losing Le'Veon Bell against surprising underachiever Bilbo Unable To Braggins. Team Tiffany will continue to search for a second win against Team Moon in the battle of uncreative team names. The last match-up is between Alec and Alex and the loser will be called by the wrong name all week as punishment (just a brainstormed idea). I will be venturing off to Pittsville this Sunday for another league's mid-season draft (it's a whole thing, I won't get into it here) so, hopefully Todd's Tornados pick up some great scorers to catapult from 7th into 1st and hopefully, we don't have to dig graves for more player's seasons.

2015 Scoring Leaders


QB
Tom Brady 183 (TODD)
Aaron Rodgers 131 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Philip Rivers 123 (MOON)
Matt Ryan 122 (SWANSON)
Russell Wilson 120 (SILKA)
Drew Brees 115 (SNEEN)
Carson Palmer 102 (ASCHEBROOK)
Andrew Luck 91 (ZURAWSKI)
Eli Manning 80 (WALTERS)
Peyton Manning 57 (TIFFANY)
Cam Newton 49 (TIFFANY)
Tyrod Taylor 35 (ASCHEBROOK)
Blake Bortles 31 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Sam Bradford 27 (MOON)
Andy Dalton 23 (WALTERS)
Ben Roethlisberger 23 (WALTERS)
Ryan Tannehill 19 (ASCHEBROOK/ZURAWSKI)
Derek Carr 13 (ZURAWSKI)
Colin Kaepernick 13 (SNEEN)
Alex Smith 13 (ZURAWSKI)
Tony Romo 6 (WALTERS)

RB
Devonta Freeman 178 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Mark Ingram 134 (ZURAWSKI)
Danny Woodhead 121 (TIFFANY)
Matt Forte 115 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Le'Veon Bell 107 (ZURAWSKI)
Justin Forsett 102 (SNEEN)
Adrian Peterson 101 (MOON)
Chris Ivory 98 (WALTERS)
Lamar Miller 98 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Jamaal Charles 96 (ASCHEBROOK)
DeMarco Murray 85 (SNEEN)
Doug Martin 75 (SWANSON)
Arian Foster 73 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Carlos Hyde 73 (TODD)
Jonathan Stewart 73 (TIFFANY)
Todd Gurley 69 (TODD)
Marshawn Lynch 68 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Latavius Murray 63 (MOON)
LeSean McCoy 61 (WALTERS)
Dion Lewis 50 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jeremy Hill 43 (MOON)
Eddie Lacy 43 (SILKA)
Melvin Gordon 36 (WALTERS)
C.J. Anderson 34 (TIFFANY)
T.J. Yeldon 33 (SNEEN)
DeAngelo Williams 30 (SILKA)
Giovani Bernard 29 (ZURAWSKI)
Frank Gore 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ameer Abdullah 26 (TODD)
Isaiah Crowell 23 (SILKA)
Duke Johnson Jr. 22 (TODD)
Theo Riddick 21 (WALTERS)
Charcandrick West 21 (TODD)
Shane Vereen 20 (SNEEN)
Darren McFadden 19 (ASCHEBROOK)
Chris Johnson 18 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Karlos Williams 16 (ASCHEBROOK)
Alfred Morris 14 (SILKA)
Joseph Randle 13 (ASCHEBROOK)
Branden Oliver 12 (TODD)
Tevin Coleman 9 (ZURAWSKI)
David Johnson 6 (SILKA)
Darren Sproles 6 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Alfred Blue 5 (ZURAWSKI)
Lance Dunbar 5 (SWANSON)
Bishop Sankey 4 (WALTERS)
Rashad Jennings 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Matt Jones 1 (TODD)

WR
Julio Jones 196 (TODD)
DeAndre Hopkins 187 (ZURAWSKI)
Keenan Allen 157 (TIFFANY)
Odell Beckham Jr. 154 (WALTERS)
Julian Edelman 145 (SILKA)
Antonio Brown 139 (SNEEN)
Larry Fitzgerald 131 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
A.J. Green 131 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Demaryius Thomas 127 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Calvin Johnson 125 (SILKA)
Jarvis Landry 118 (ZURAWSKI)
Emmanuel Sanders 109 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
T.Y. Hilton 106 (WALTERS)
Randall Cobb 96 (TODD)
Allen Robinson 82 (MOON)
Jordan Matthews 80 (SNEEN)
Steve Smith Sr. 77 (SNEEN)
Brandon Marshall 70 (MOON)
Alshon Jeffery 67 (SWANSON)
John Brown 60 (MOON)
Donte Moncrief 58 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Amari Cooper 46 (SWANSON)
Rishard Matthews 45 (ASCHEBROOK/TIFFANY)
Golden Tate 44 (ASCHEBROOK/ZURAWSKI)
Kendall Wright 41 (TODD)
Mike Evans 37 (MOON)
Pierre Garcon 37 (ZURAWSKI)
Jeremy Maclin 35 (ASCHEBROOK)
Vincent Jackson 34 (ASCHEBROOK)
Brandin Cooks 33 (TODD)
Malcom Floyd 26 (WALTERS)
Tyler Lockett 24 (SILKA)
Danny Amendola 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Stefon Diggs 22 (ASCHEBROOK)
Sammy Watkins 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Travis Benjamin 18 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Rueben Randle 18 (WALTERS)
Mike Wallace 18 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Davante Adams 17 (MOON)
James Jones 14 (TODD)
Eric Decker 13 (SNEEN)
Andre Johnson 11 (ZURAWSKI)
Tavon Austin 10 (TIFFANY)
Martavis Bryant 8 (SNEEN)
Stevie Johnson 7 (ASCHEBROOK)
Brandon Coleman 6 (ASCHEBROOK)
Marques Colston 6 (TIFFANY)
Willie Snead 5 (SWANSON)
Charles Johnson 4 (MOON)
Marvin Jones 3 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Torrey Smith 3 (SILKA)

TE
Rob Gronkowski 144 (ZURAWSKI)
Travis Kelce 107 (WALTERS)
Tyler Eifert 103 (SWANSON)
Jimmy Graham 93 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jason Witten 81 (TIFFANY)
Martellus Bennett 78 (SNEEN)
Delanie Walker 74 (TODD)
Greg Olsen 71 (MOON)
Gary Barnidge 52 (TIFFANY)
Jordan Cameron 48 (SILKA)
Antonio Gates 48 (ASCHEBROOK)
Zach Ertz 30 (MOON)
Charles Clay 25 (TODD/SWANSON)
Dwayne Allen 10 (ASCHEBROOK)
Jared Cook 9 (TODD)
Benjamin Watson 9 (ASCHEBROOK)
Larry Donnell 8 (ZURAWSKI)
Eric Ebron 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Kyle Rudolph 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Austin Seferian-Jenkins 4 (ASCHEBROOK)
Julius Thomas 1 (SNEEN)

K
Stephen Gostkowski 91 (ASCHEBROOK)
Justin Tucker 82 (SNEEN)
Steven Hauschka 81 (TIFFANY)
Matt Bryant 57 (WALTERS)
Mason Crosby 57 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Brandon McManus 55 (SWANSON)
Chandler Catanzaro 46 (TODD)
Blair Walsh 45 (MOON)
Dan Bailey 37 (MOON)
Robbie Gould 30 (SILKA)
Matt Prater 19 (ZURAWSKI)
Josh Brown 18 (ZURAWSKI)
Cody Parkey 16 (SILKA)
Andrew Franks 14 (TODD)
Josh Lambo 9 (SWANSON)
Dustin Hopkins 7 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dan Carpenter 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Adam Vinatieri -1 (SWANSON)

DF
Denver Broncos 116 (SILKA)
Seattle Seahawks 78 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
St. Louis Rams 76 (SNEEN)
Carolina Panthers 57 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)
New England Patriots 52 (TIFFANY)
New York Jets 46 (MOON/ZURAWSKI)
Kansas City Chiefs 43 (MOON)
Buffalo Bills 41 (WALTERS)
Philadelphia Eagles 39 (TODD)
Houston Texans 31 (ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS)
Arizona Cardinals 30 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Atlanta Falcons 17 (SWANSON/TODD)
Miami Dolphins 7 (TODD)
Indianapolis Colts 1 (ZURAWSKI)
Green Bay Packers -1 (TIFFANY)
Cleveland Browns -3 (ZURAWSKI)
Baltimore Ravens -4 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI/SNEEN)

Hypothetical Standings (If the 5 highest scoring teams were winners each week)
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds 6-2
Arian Foster's Achilles Heel 6-2
Spider 2 Y Banana 5-3
Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness 5-3
Sneen Machine 5-3
Team Moon 5-3
Bilbo Unable To Braggins 2-6
Show Stoppers 2-6 (NOTE: I had somehow neglected to place Cole's team in the Hypothetical Standings for a while now but, I did the math and this is officially his standing)
Team Tiffany 2-6
Team Silka 2-6