WRBL, Week 8 2019

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 8
Our 5th official season of blaming Cole Walters for Kanye going gospel.

Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Rise From The Asches (Scott Aschebrook) 5-3 W1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 4-4 L3
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 2-6 L1
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 1-7 L7

Shooter McGavin Division
30 to 50 Feral Hogs (Andy Todd) 7-1 L1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 5-3 W2
Navy Is Illiterate (Nick Zurawski) 4-4 W3

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 4-4 W1

Week Eight Final Scores
SCOTT  186 - ANDY  146
NICK  108 - DARRIN  86
SNEEN  159 - RYAN  121
ALEC  145 - COLE  112

Heroes of the Week: WR Mike Evans (42 points), RB Aaron Jones (40), RB Tevin Coleman (37)

Hero of the Week: WR Mike Evans (Rise From The Asches)

Waiver Wonders: RB David Montgomery (24 points), TE Ryan Griffin (24), TE Darren Fells (23)

Mike DiNovo - USA TODAY Sports
Waiver Wonder: RB David Montgomery (27 carries, 135 yards, 1 TD, 4 catches, 12 yards)

Upcoming Week 9 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Alec vs. Scott
Nick vs. Sneen
Ryan vs. Darrin
Andy vs. Cole

Thursday Night Football: San Francisco @ Arizona 7:20 PM
SUNDAY MORNING GAME: Houston vs. Jacksonville IN LONDON
Sunday NOON: Washington @ Buffalo
Minnesota @ Kansas City
NY Jets @ Miami
Chicago @ Philadelphia
Indianapolis @ Pittsburgh
Carolina @ Tennessee

3:05 PM: Detroit @ Oakland
Tampa Bay @ Seattle

3:25 PM: Cleveland @ Denver
Green Bay @ LA Chargers

Sunday Night Football: New England @ Baltimore 7:20 PM

Monday Night Football: Dallas @ NY Giants 7:15 PM

BYE WEEKS: New Orleans, LA Rams, Atlanta and Cincinnati

Bro...

Halfway through the WRBL season and things are seriously heating up to the point where there is TOO MUCH content this week to fit into the blog post, therefore re-spawning the Cole Walters Podcast for Fantasy Thuggery on Facebook Live. No, Cole didn't manage to book Elon Musk to give us his thoughts on the 49ers defense this week against Arizona and it's not like these videos will be posted outside of our group chat but, actually hearing from four out of eight league members on his show this Tuesday after the week 8 games was a surprising addition to the WRBL cinematic universe. 

"How long before we can add flying Teslas in this WRBL expanded universe of which you speak?" - Elon Musk probably.

Imperfect at last!, Imperfect at last!, Thank Scott almighty, Andy Todd is imperfect at last! Even though my team looked great, seemed great and statistically was great (Hypothetical Standings leaders still at 6-2 now), 146 points is still not enough to beat Scott's Rise From The Asches when the Mike Evans, Latavius Murray and Christian McCaffrey dough has been in the oven long enough. Scotty the Body bodied Toddy the Body by FORTY points as he easily leads the WRBL in scoring with his third 180-point game in five weeks. Scott's team actually outscored his own output from week 7 by 104 points. I know that consistency is key and every week matters come playoff time but.... fuck. 

Meanwhile, One day we'll look back at my seven week reign of terror as questionably as we do the summer of "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO, the biggest thing on the planet for two months, only to never be thought of or heard from again. I kept getting away with sketchy moves (AKA: mistakes) like dumping Russell Wilson for Tom Brady (surviving on that but Wilson is better) and starting Phillip Lindsay the one week he scored a measly four points but, dumping the Niners' now-elite defense for Seattle and going back to an 18-point Brady instead of going with Danny Dimes one last time (put up 27 against a struggling Detroit secondary) should have cost me in any other matches. Instead, my team showed up, did their job well, lost anyway and I had an emotional moment where I sent out trades to four different teams that all involved JuJu Smith-Schuster (my non-acquired 1st round draft pick) and Mark Ingram (the lone workhorse RB I roster in a post-Kerryon Johnson landscape). 

Now, in regards to this trade....



This may seem like an overpay for a bye week replacement (and someone who is decidedly "Not Christian McCaffrey") but, something in my gut told me this was "THE MOVE". My gut's been wrong plenty of times before but, it's also the biggest reason I've won the leagues I've won in during my now 16 seasons of fantasy football fanaticism. Hell, it's the reason I got my only win in this league (dealing Golden Tate & Jamaal Charles for Carlos Hyde & Julio Jones back in 2015).   I received a voicemail from the NAACP that said having more than one white wide receiver starting in fantasy football in 2019 is considered a hate crime and in this era of "cancel culture", I decided to remain widely unknown in the public eye and correct myself by dealing Mr. Thielen away for Tyler "Oh, Andy wants another slot receiver without Mason Rudolph as his quarterback?" Lockett. This was easily the most I would give up in any of the proposed offers I had on the table. One trade with Sneen involved me tripling down on the Patriots by adding Julian Edelman for Ingram & JuJu. Another offer would have seen Darrin send me Le'Veon Bell and Sterling Shepard, while I teased Alec with the two for one of Julio Jones (a reunion? How lovely it would have been!). Instead, I dumped a reliable RB (my RB1), parted with an awesome PPR WR in Thielen (coming off a hamstring injury), sold high on my first-rounder with plenty of promise in Smith-Schuster (Mason Rudolph/Devlin Hodges is NOT Ben Roethlisberger) and dumped a QB because unless your QB is Rodgers/Mahomes/Brees/Brady/Lamar/Russell, he is interchangeable (some might argue they all are but this season seems to have some sort of line of separation... and his name is Kirk Cousins). I'm sorry Danny Dimes, your time will come. The highlight of the trade for 1-7 Cole is that it gives his team renewed life, restores some league parity and he gets to show me what a loser trade this was by backing up this trade, catching me on a Michael Thomas/Cooper Kupp BYE week while Mahomes rests and Michael Gallup is really about to start for the 30 to 50 Feral Hogs.

Round of applause to Nick for overcoming the Cardinals' RB nonsense these last two weeks as an injured *yet active) David Johnson and a now-injured Chase Edmonds combined for 1 point a week the past two weeks in Nick's starting lineups. In those two weeks plus the week prior to that, Rapmaster Nicky Z is undefeated. As the Dolphins' tank job becomes more evident (27 unanswered points for Mason Rudolph? lol), Nick's determination to enjoy some sort of football-related success in 2019 increases with a 108-86 victory over Darrin as second-worst in points for the week is still better than the worst. I'm sure Tua Tagovailoa will fall to pick #8 next season after Nick really does rebound all the way to the championship he has rightfully earned as the one putting this league together year-after-year. Meanwhile, Darrin's ChowHounds have been chowing down on some doody this October with his third consecutive loss. This week, Nick will be extra tempted to TRIPLE down on the Cardinals' RB situation as former Dolphin starter Kenyan Drake will probably get a proper send-off with one final start (his first after being traded to Arizona) before he becomes a lost cause behind David Johnson on Kliff Kingsbury's depth chart. Getting Lamar Jackson back will strengthen the core values of Nick's team but, nothing will strengthen Darrin's core after the heavy drinking he has probably done to cope with whatever happened to Le'Veon Bell and the rest of his team. 

John W. McDonough/SI
Rumor has it that Nick Zurawski's first draft pick in his fantasy football life was that of Arizona Cardinals' legend Emmitt Smith.

Even though Cole Walters might seem more optimistic after his four-for-two trade, he's still on a seven-game losing streak after dropping another to Alec, the Tax Paying Homeowner who is preoccupied with fathering a child. Not sure what Cole's excuse is but, seven in a row is far worse than the bump in the road Darrin has had to endure. One team owner that is underperforming consistently this year is Team Easy Breesy. Ryan has returned to society just in time as Drew Brees came back from injury to have one of his best games of the year. The rest of Dougherty's team? They must've gotten left behind. With Ryan's new government connections, I wouldn't be surprised to see some Jeffery Epstein-type shit go down with some of his more forgettable rostered players. This week saw Ryan's team give an alright showing with 121 points, that were still no match for SNEEN MACHINE's 159 led by Tevin Coleman's magical 4-touchdown, 37-point performance that can only be explained by Kyle Shanahan's play-calling being top notch this week. Now, Brees is on bye just as quickly as he came back. Matthew Stafford to the rescue? Ryan sure hopes so!

If you're like NBA defenses and haven't figured out who Kendrick Nunn is, do not be alarmed for there are 75+ games remaining for each NBA team and only 8 games left (for most NFL teams) to figure out who or what a Brandon Allen is. While we're still focused on football, this week will feature some truly fun NFL games including the Sunday MORNING London bowl between Gardner Minshew and the Jaguars versus DeShaun Watson and the Texans in a very important AFC South battle. With DeShaun Watson being the only consistently great player on Darrin's Team ChowHounds, he is sure to be watching that game closely as he tries to take down Ryan while visiting Scott in Pittsburgh. Speaking of Scott, he has announced his own home ownership and with that, now has to battle Alec for the title of supreme Tax Paying Homeowner of the Bro League. Life comes at you fast but, not as fast as Sneen's machine and already, Nick has told me that he is petrified of losing to the 5-3, two-time former Sacko champ this weekend. With Lamar Jackson back and Sneen feeling overconfident in both new Patriot Mohamed Sanu and 49er Tevin Coleman (who has to play on Thursday Night Football, AKA: The Weekly Fantasy Dia De Los Muertos on Halloween), I'm not as concerned for Navy Is Illiterate as Nick might be. There does seem to be quite a bit riding on primetime games this week though, so stay tuned to see if Dallas versus the Giants revives Monday Night Football or if that Patriots-Ravens game lives up to the hype. The World Series of baseball has exceeded the hype, now it's football's turn.

Scoring Leaders

QB

Aaron Rodgers 159 (Sneen)

DeShaun Watson 154 (Darrin)

Russell Wilson 154 (Andy/Alec)

Patrick Mahomes 143 (Cole)

Lamar Jackson 136 (Nick)

Tom Brady 106 (Andy)

Kyler Murray 83 (Scott)

Carson Wentz 62 (Scott)

Drew Brees 43 (Ryan)
Gardner Minshew II 40 (Ryan)

Dak Prescott 27 (Darrin)

Daniel Jones 21 (Andy)

Jameis Winston 19 (Cole)

Matt Ryan 18 (Nick)
Josh Allen 17 (Ryan)
Cam Newton 16 (Alec)
Kirk Cousins 11 (Nick)

Jacoby Brissett 10 (Ryan)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 202 (Scott)

Dalvin Cook 186 (Sneen)

Aaron Jones 144 (Ryan)

Nick Chubb 132 (Scott)

Ezekiel Elliott 130 (Ryan)

Leonard Fournette 125 (Nick)

David Johnson 116 (Nick)

Derrick Henry 106 (Darrin)

Alvin Kamara 105 (Darrin)

Mark Ingram 101 (Andy)

Austin Ekeler 95 (Andy)

Le'Veon Bell 93 (Darrin)

Marlon Mack 92 (Alec)

James Conner 90 (Sneen)

Saquon Barkley 88 (Alec)

Devonta Freeman 87 (Scott)

Todd Gurley 82 (Ryan)

Joe Mixon 58 (Cole)

Tevin Coleman 45 (Sneen)
Latavius Murray 36 (Scott)

Kerryon Johnson 35 (Andy)

Melvin Gordon 34 (Cole)

Josh Jacobs 32 (Nick)

Damien Williams 32 (Sneen)

Chris Carson 24 (Nick)

LeSean McCoy 24 (Cole/Darrin)

Frank Gore 23 (Cole/Darrin)

James White 23 (Andy)
Tarik Cohen 19 (Alec)

Chris Thompson 18 (Cole)

Kenyan Drake 17 (Cole/Alec)

Miles Sanders 17 (Alec)

Sony Michel 7 (Cole)

Phillip Lindsay 4 (Andy)
Chase Edmonds 2 (Nick)
David Montgomery 1 (Scott)

WR

Michael Thomas 181 (Andy)

Julio Jones 142 (Alec)

Mike Evans 139 (Scott)

DeAndre Hopkins 136 (Nick)

Julian Edelman 135 (Sneen)

Keenan Allen 115 (Alec)

Chris Godwin 113 (Cole)

Amari Cooper 111 (Darrin)

Cooper Kupp 104 (Andy)

Adam Thielen 103 (Andy)

Allen Robinson 97 (Ryan)

T.Y. Hilton 95 (Cole)

Odell Beckham Jr. 76 (Nick)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 64 (Andy)

Davante Adams 61 (Sneen)

Brandin Cooks 58 (Ryan)

Tyreek Hill 57 (Ryan)

Tyler Lockett 52 (Cole)
Kenny Golladay 51 (Alec)

John Brown 49 (Darrin)

Tyrell Williams 49 (Cole)

Emmanuel Sanders 48 (Scott)

Tyler Boyd 40 (Nick)

Sterling Shepard 35 (Darrin)

DJ Chark 34 (Cole)

Stefon Diggs 33 (Alec/Nick)
Golden Tate 30 (Scott)

Courtland Sutton 29 (Alec)

Robert Woods 29 (Sneen)
Alshon Jeffery 28 (Darrin)

Marvin Jones Jr. 27 (Ryan)

Sammy Watkins 27 (Nick)

Jarvis Landry 23 (Scott)

Larry Fitzgerald 22 (Sneen)

Calvin Ridley 21 (Sneen)

Antonio Brown 15 (Darrin)

Will Fuller V 10 (Ryan)
Auden Tate 9 (Alec)

Marquise Brown 6 (Alec)

Terry McLaurin 2 (Scott)

TE

Travis Kelce 110 (Andy)

Evan Engram 95 (Darrin)

Austin Hooper 92 (Scott)

George Kittle 90 (Cole)

Zach Ertz 82 (Sneen)

Darren Waller 69 (Nick)

Hunter Henry 33 (Ryan/Alec)

Will Dissly 30 (Alec)

Vance McDonald 30 (Alec)

Delanie Walker 30 (Ryan)

Jared Cook 21 (Scott/Darrin)

David Njoku 12 (Nick)

Greg Olsen 11 (Cole/Nick)
Jason Witten 7 (Ryan)

Mark Andrews 4 (Nick)
Gerald Everett 3 (Ryan)
T.J. Hockenson 1 (Scott)

PK

Greg Zuerlein 77 (Ryan)

Justin Tucker 75 (Alec)

Wil Lutz 72 (Andy)

Harrison Butker 71 (Nick)

Jake Elliott 48 (Sneen)

Robbie Gould 44 (Cole/Scott)

Mason Crosby 37 (Cole)

Stephen Gostkowski 32 (Darrin)

Josh Lambo 31 (Darrin)

Ka'imi Fairbairn 16 (Scott)

Mike Nugent 13 (Scott)

Adam Vinatieri 13 (Cole)

Matt Prater 8 (Alec)

Joey Slye 2 (Darrin)

DF

New England Patriots 158 (Scott)

New Orleans Saints 67 (Alec)

Chicago Bears 60 (Nick)

Los Angeles Rams 60 (Sneen)

Buffalo Bills 57 (Darrin)

Los Angeles Chargers 48 (Ryan)

Philadelphia Eagles 35 (Cole)

Jacksonville Jaguars 26 (Scott/Cole)

Baltimore Ravens 25 (Andy/Nick)

Carolina Panthers 25 (Cole/Darrin)
Pittsburgh Steelers 15 (Cole)

Dallas Cowboys 14 (Andy/Cole)
San Francisco 49ers 13 (Andy)

Washington 12 (Andy)

Tennessee Titans 7 (Andy)

Arizona Cardinals 2 (Cole)
Seattle Seahawks 2 (Andy)

Hypothetical Standings

30 to 50 Feral Hogs 6-2
Tax Paying Homeowner 5-3

Rise From The Asches 4-4

Team ChowHounds 4-4
SNEEN MACHINE 4-4

Navy Is Illiterate 3-5

Colieveland 96ers 3-5
Team Easy Breesy 3-5