WRBL, Week 6 2019

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 6
Our 5th official season of blaming Cole Walters for our league's tenuous relationship with China.

Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 4-2 L1
Rise From The Asches (Scott Aschebrook) 4-2 W4
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 1-5 L5
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 1-5 L2

Shooter McGavin Division
30 to 50 Feral Hogs (Andy Todd) 6-0 W7
Cole, We're Not Friends Anymore (Tyler Sneen) 3-3 L2
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 3-3 W2
Navy Is Illiterate (Nick Zurawski) 2-4 W1

Week Six Final Scores
ALEC  121 - DARRIN  117
NICK  132 - COLE  107
SCOTT  186 - RYAN  85
ANDY  116 - SNEEN  102

Heroes of the Week: QB Lamar Jackson (30 points), QB DeShaun Watson (29), DF New England Patriots (28)

NBC Sports
Hero of the Week: QB Lamar Jackson (Navy Is Illiterate)

Waiver Wonders: WR Stefon Diggs (42 points), TE Hunter Henry (30), QB Kirk Cousins (27)

Yong Kim/Philadelphia Inquirer
Waiver Wonder: WR Stefon Diggs (9 touches, 185 yards, 3 touchdowns)

Upcoming Week 7 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Darrin vs. Andy
Ryan vs. Cole
Nick vs. Alec
Sneen vs. Scott

Thursday Night Football: Kansas City @ Denver 7:20 PM
Sunday NOON: LA Rams @ Atlanta

Miami @ Buffalo
Jacksonville @ Cincinnati
Minnesota @ Detroit
Oakland @ Green Bay
Houston @ Indianapolis
Arizona @ NY Giants
San Francisco @ Washington

3:05 PM: LA Chargers @ Tennessee

3:25 PM: New Orleans @ Chicago
Baltimore @ Seattle

Sunday Night Football: Philadelphia @ Dallas 7:20 PM

Monday Night Football: New England @ NY Jets 7:15 PM

BYE WEEKS: Carolina, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay

Bro...

Before I don't like pointing out fairly obvious things that I end up getting 100% correct but, I'm a massive, self-congratulatory fraud so... how about all those points scored this week!? What's that? Oh yeah, only one player scored more than 30 points and he was dropped during the first quarter of the London game for Kenyan Drake. That's right, Alec Swanson payed the ultimate tax in fantasy football in order to acquire a running back from the worst team in football by dropping an ice-cold Stefon Diggs, who was just looking for a breakthrough of a game to get back on track as a high-end NFL wideout. Well, 7 catches and 3 touchdowns later, Diggs is now the 18th-ranked WR in fantasy and will likely enter 2-4 Nick Zurawski's weekly lineup. We love a good redemption story and we love seeing Nick not constantly complaining about how hopeless his fantasy football season has been/is. It was amazing to see a player with a great track record like Diggs just disappear for five weeks in what is supposed to be the prime of his career but, there still did not seem to be a reason for Alec to tell the Viking "Welcome to Dumpsville" when Kenyan Drake was so obviously just a one-week rental. Now, Nick owns two of the top three scorers in fantasy football from last week, Diggs and Lamar Jackson, all because Alec was too busy admiring his freshly mowed lawn to realize that if Diggs can show up against the best defense in the league (Alec's very own Chicago Bears!) two weeks ago, he can still do big things on any given week. 

Despite the dropping of both Stefon Diggs and this game-losing two-point conversion attempt, Kenyan Drake still put up a season-high 13 points and helped Alec win a close one.

In case it wasn't already made obvious by his won-loss record, Nick won the "Loser maybe-probably-not definitely-but darn close to surely leaves town" match versus Cole despite a bounce-back, three touchdown performance out of Patrick Mahomes (who is not Christian McCaffrey) and the continued development of WR Chris Godwin into a fantasy stud. Nick's biggest support in winning this week were his fully functioning fingers that helped set his lineup this week with the necessary taps and swipes to move Greg Olsen into his lineup and Darren Waller out while the latter was on his team's bye week. In a stunning twist of events Sunday night, Nick nearly lost all of his mojo and positive vibes built up earlier in that day when a masked assailant took a box cutter up to known Miami Dolphins Fan Nick Zurawski's thumb, Gustavo Fring-style, and sliced his thumb. Nick immediately collapsed to the ground as his girlfriend was too in shock, still deciphering what had just taken place, to assist in any way. Sources say it that she was heard launching expletives intended for Cole Walters out of pure speculation through her tears. Luckily for Columbian Ed Sheeran and the Miss Not-Yet-Zurawski, I was right around the corner with 17 varieties of band-aids, willing to sell any one of them for an everyday low price. They forked over the cash and voila, Nick lived long enough to see his waiver claim of Stefon Diggs go through. The Hallmark reenactment of said events will take place sometime in December and is heavily tweaked to revolve around Christmas for some reason. I guess that every time a bell rings, somebody makes a stupid move that ultimately benefits either Nick or Scott.

Alec seriously lucked out in his win over Darrin as Derrick Henry's 3 points from a Titans shutout were a low-point in the ChowHounds' season and the early Amari Cooper thigh injury prevented him from getting anything more than a single point. Even with that solid momentum, Alec STILL needed Drake to have his first okay game of the year, longshot Miles Sanders to have his best game of the year and Kenny Golladay put up 17 when 14 would've been enough for a win. The Tax Paying Homeowner might be at .500 now but, he'll need more breaks to keep this up. Luckily, the health of Saquon Barkley seems to be close to no longer being a negative factor and this was also the Marlon Mack bye week so, maybe it was just a weird week. With Darrin slipping to 4-2, I now have a two-game lead over everyone despite my first hypothetical loss (BY ONE POINT!). Yes, the 30-50 Feral Hogs continued their dominance in a somewhat comparably muted fashion with a 116-102 victory over Sneen's Cole, We're Not Friends Anymore team. I'm not sure why Sneen chose that name when his friendship with Cole is nowhere near as distant and non-salvageable as the deficit he now faces in the Shooter McGavin Division. Sneen might be in second still but, he now lays three games beneath my Hogs thanks to Tom Brady pulling two goal-line sneaks out of his 42-year old decrepit knees and the luck of the draw I received in snagging Washington's defense (AKA: The "Whoever plays against Miami" defense strategy paying off once again!) and their double-digit performance. Of course, second-guessing REALLY comes into play here too as Tyler did not start 30-pointer James Conner for the first time this season and instead, took a long shot on Damien Williams, a man that touched the ball TWICE in the Chiefs' loss to Houston. To clarify, one of Williams two touches was a touchdown catch but that one, 14-yard TD through the air was Damien's only point-producing play this Sunday. It doesn't get much flukier than that... says the man that got two rushing touchdowns from a 42-year old.

NBC Sports
"Watch me sneak into 6-0 in every possible league" - Tom Brady probably.

In case everyone believed that 6-0 Andy Todd is the WRBL's biggest threat right now, Scott continues to prove that real OG's move in silence as he dropped another triple-digit win over a family member as Ryan came 101 points short to the newest #1 in the Steven Nett Division. For the second time in three weeks, Rise From The Asches stood as tall as Tacko Fall and Mutombo finger-wagged at his opponent right around kickoff. The spookiest part of this Spooktober run is that Scott's not even wheeling and dealing the way he normally does and there haven't been any smack talk sessions that result in Cole Walters accusing the entire family of being "thugs". Meanwhile, Everybody probably wants to make a big deal about Will Fuller's disappointing follow-up to the game of his life but, the Texans' #2 receiver was still the #3 scorer for Ryan's Team Easy Breesy this week. That statistic really just states how poorly Ryan's team performed this week, as he now joins Cole at the bottom at 1-5. The return of Tyreek Hill and his 25 points were nice but Gardner Minshew just isn't Drew Brees. Drew Brees is clean-shaven. Drew Brees is a nerd. Drew Brees gets the job done. Gardner Minshew went to the Brett Favre school of being a wildcard. One week, he pulling off a clutch, turnover-free, inter-conference win and the next, he just can't do anything because he's a sixth-rounder that learned under the philosophical wildcard of all wildcards, Mike Leach. Luke Falk (now unemployed) certainly didn't work out so, don't be surprised if this one hot month of Minshew Magic was just that.

Week 7 is already here and now more than ever, the bye week blues are tuning their guitars and have a half-empty glass of whiskey sitting aside their fantasy football lineup. Carolina, Tampa Bay, Cleveland and Pittsburgh are all on bye which means... No Christian McCaffrey (who is not Patrick Mahomes), Greg Olsen, Mike Evans, Chris Godwin, Nick Chubb, Odell Beckham Jr., Jarvis Landry, James Conner, JuJu Smith-Schuster, Joey Slye and many more. Good luck guessing what will happen when a hobbled Patrick Mahomes (who is not Christian McCaffrey) plays in Denver Thursday night in what feels like the first true non-Patriots test game of his career. If he comes out of that one still looking like an MVP candidate, he might just go back-to-back. One person that is not trying to go back-to-back is Mahomes' WRBL owner Cole Walters, as he looks to defeat his fellow cellar dweller this week in 1-5 Team Easy Breesy. Whoever loses that matchup is destined for a week of misery as the lone last place team and the mockery of his peers. Thankfully, there are no London games this week but, the cable tv crowd will have to settle for one of the late-afternoon Saints-Bears, Ravens-Seahawks games. It could have been nice to see Trubisky make his London debut after the rest of the Bears plus... Teddy London Bridgewater would have made for an excellent 8:30 AM game in comparison to their messy loss to Oakland at noon two weeks back. The Sunday night game is a battle for first in the NFC East between the Cowboys and Eagles, loser hits the panic button. Even though Nick has already had many fantasy football-related panic attacks this season, his match versus Alec this week could also result in the sub-.500 loser launching themselves at the panic button (hopefully not headfirst because, we do fine those types of unnecessary hits in the Bro League as well). Sneen will need all of his ducks in a row or he'll get q-whacked by a hotter-than-the-sun's-surface Scott Aschebrook. Sneen losing by 100 honestly seems more fitting than any of the rest of us doing so but, there needs to be at least one other .500 or better team in the Shooter McGavin Division to validate my team's dominance or else the college football committee will downgrade me based on strength of schedule. Darrin is a formidable opponent with a great past in this league, even if his endgame results are somewhat Andy Reid-like. He's already presented a threat by using my own strategy against me with the Bills defense... who play the lowly Miami Dolphins. The ChowHounds will need the win to stay in a tie (or better) for first in the Steven Nett Division. 

Getty Images
After looking over the playcall sheet a million times, Reid sees that he accidentally planned zero plays for Matt Moore. Broncos win 52-0.

Scoring Leaders

QB

Patrick Mahomes 136 (Cole)

Russell Wilson 126 (Andy/Alec)

Lamar Jackson 114 (Nick)

DeShaun Watson 112 (Darrin)

Aaron Rodgers 90 (Sneen)

Tom Brady 88 (Andy)

Kyler Murray 68 (Scott)

Carson Wentz 62 (Scott)

Dak Prescott 27 (Darrin)

Gardner Minshew II 20 (Ryan)

Drew Brees 19 (Ryan)

Matt Ryan 18 (Nick)
Josh Allen 17 (Ryan)
Cam Newton 16 (Alec)

Daniel Jones 12 (Andy)
Jacoby Brissett 10 (Ryan)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 176 (Scott)

Dalvin Cook 132 (Sneen)

Nick Chubb 122 (Scott)

David Johnson 116 (Nick)

Alvin Kamara 105 (Darrin)

Ezekiel Elliott 104 (Ryan)

Mark Ingram 101 (Andy)

Leonard Fournette 89 (Nick)

Austin Ekeler 86 (Andy)

Aaron Jones 86 (Ryan)

Devonta Freeman 84 (Scott)

Derrick Henry 83 (Darrin)

Le'Veon Bell 79 (Darrin)

Todd Gurley 72 (Ryan)

Marlon Mack 69 (Alec)

James Conner 67 (Sneen)

Joe Mixon 51 (Cole)

Saquon Barkley 45 (Alec)

Kerryon Johnson 35 (Andy)

Josh Jacobs 32 (Nick)

Damien Williams 32 (Sneen)

Tarik Cohen 19 (Alec)

Chris Thompson 18 (Cole)

Kenyan Drake 17 (Cole/Alec)

Miles Sanders 17 (Alec)

Frank Gore 16 (Cole)

LeSean McCoy 16 (Cole)

Melvin Gordon 14 (Cole)

WR

Michael Thomas 131 (Andy)

Amari Cooper 111 (Darrin)

Keenan Allen 105 (Alec)

Chris Godwin 103 (Cole)

Julio Jones 102 (Alec)

Mike Evans 97 (Scott)

Julian Edelman 95 (Sneen)

Adam Thielen 94 (Andy)

DeAndre Hopkins 90 (Nick)

Odell Beckham Jr. 76 (Nick)

T.Y. Hilton 69 (Cole)

Allen Robinson 62 (Ryan)

Davante Adams 61 (Sneen)

Brandin Cooks 58 (Ryan)

Cooper Kupp 58 (Andy)

Tyrell Williams 49 (Cole)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 43 (Andy)

Emmanuel Sanders 37 (Scott)

Tyler Lockett 36 (Cole)
Sterling Shepard 35 (Darrin)

Tyler Boyd 32 (Nick)

Tyreek Hill 28 (Ryan)

Sammy Watkins 27 (Nick)

DJ Chark 24 (Cole)
Robert Woods 24 (Sneen)
Alshon Jeffery 23 (Darrin)

Jarvis Landry 23 (Scott)

Marvin Jones Jr. 21 (Ryan)

John Brown 20 (Darrin)

Kenny Golladay 20 (Alec)
Larry Fitzgerald 20 (Sneen)

Courtland Sutton 19 (Alec)

Antonio Brown 15 (Darrin)

Stefon Diggs 14 (Alec)
Calvin Ridley 14 (Sneen)
Will Fuller V 9 (Ryan)

Marquise Brown 6 (Alec)

TE

Travis Kelce 84 (Andy)

Evan Engram 80 (Darrin)

Zach Ertz 73 (Sneen)

George Kittle 70 (Cole)

Austin Hooper 60 (Scott)

Will Dissly 30 (Alec)

Vance McDonald 30 (Alec)

Delanie Walker 30 (Ryan)

Darren Waller 29 (Nick)

Jared Cook 21 (Scott/Darrin)

David Njoku 12 (Nick)

Greg Olsen 11 (Cole/Nick)
Hunter Henry 10 (Ryan)

Mark Andrews 4 (Nick)
T.J. Hockenson 1 (Scott)

PK

Justin Tucker 63 (Alec)

Wil Lutz 58 (Andy)

Greg Zuerlein 57 (Ryan)

Harrison Butker 54 (Nick)

Jake Elliott 39 (Sneen)

Stephen Gostkowski 32 (Darrin)

Mason Crosby 31 (Cole)

Robbie Gould 27 (Cole)

Ka'imi Fairbairn 16 (Scott)

Mike Nugent 13 (Scott)
Josh Lambo 6 (Darrin)
Joey Slye 2 (Darrin)

DF

New England Patriots 115 (Scott)

Chicago Bears 53 (Nick)

New Orleans Saints 46 (Alec)

Buffalo Bills 44 (Darrin)

Los Angeles Chargers 39 (Ryan)

Philadelphia Eagles 35 (Cole)

Los Angeles Rams 33 (Sneen)

Baltimore Ravens 25 (Andy/Nick)

Carolina Panthers 25 (Cole/Darrin)

Dallas Cowboys 14 (Andy/Cole)

Washington 12 (Andy)

Jacksonville Jaguars 7 (Scott/Cole)

Tennessee Titans 7 (Andy)

Arizona Cardinals 2 (Cole)

Hypothetical Standings

30 to 50 Feral Hogs 5-1
Team ChowHounds 4-2Rise From The Asches 3-3
Tax Paying Homeowner 3-3Colieveland 96ers 3-3
Navy Is Illiterate 2-4
Cole, We're Not Friends Anymore 2-4
Team Easy Breesy 2-4