WRBL Week 4, 2019

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 4
Our 5th official season of blaming Cole Walters for the lighting during that one battle episode on Game of Thrones.

Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 3-1 L1
Rise From The Asches (Scott Aschebrook) 2-2 W2
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 1-3 L3
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 1-3 W1

Shooter McGavin Division
30 to 50 Feral Hogs (Andy Todd) 4-0 W5
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 3-1 W1
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 1-3 L2
Is It Pronounced Navy (Nick Zurawski) 1-3 L1

Week Four Final Scores
SCOTT  184 - DARRIN  82
ANDY  138 - NICK  125
RYAN  127 - ALEC  85
SNEEN  129 - COLE  85


Heroes of the Week: RB Nick Chubb (38 points), RB Christian McCaffrey (33), RB Austin Ekeler (29)

Hero of the Week: RB Nick Chubb (Rise From The Asches)

Zeros of the Week: DF Denver Broncos (0 points despite 1st 5 sacks of 2019), DF Los Angeles Rams (0 points despite a pick-six)

Waiver Wonders: WR A.J. Brown (24 points), DF New York Giants (24), QB Marcus Mariota (23)

Jeffrey Vest/Icon Sportswire
Waiver Wonder: WR A.J. Brown (3 catches, 94 yards, 2 touchdowns)

Upcoming Week 5 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Darrin vs. Cole
Nick vs. Scott
Ryan vs. Andy
Sneen vs. Alec

Thursday Night Football: LA Rams @ Seattle 7:20 PM

Sunday NOON: Arizona @ Cincinnati
Buffalo @ Tennessee

Chicago vs. Oakland in London
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans

Minnesota @ NY Giants
NY Jets @ Philadelphia

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
New England @ Washington
Jacksonville @ Carolina
Atlanta @ Houston

3:05 PM: Denver @ LA Chargers

3:25 PM: Green Bay @ Dallas

Sunday Night Football: Indianapolis @ Kansas City 7:20 PM

Monday Night Football: Cleveland @ San Francisco 7:15 PM

BYE WEEKS: Miami & Detroit (PS: Apologies for missing the NY Jets & San Francisco's bye weeks last week in this section)

Bro...

Four weeks into the 2019 Bro League season and already, we have all avoided having another Noah Bakunowicz season. "What is a Noah Bakunowicz season?" you ask? Well, a Noah Bakunowicz season is a season in which a fantasy owner tries to win with real effort for over 75% of the season (That's 12 weeks of filling out a complete roster) and finishes with zero wins. What was most amazing about this former WRBL Team Owner's accidental commitment to The World of Suck was that another defunct team owned by Josh Tiffany once recorded multiple wins and avoided lose-winning the Sacko despite having inactive players littered throughout his rosters from day one through week 17 (still, the only reason Danny Woodhead has as many career points in this league as he does is because of Josh never updating his lineup during Woodhead's career year). In a week where every hypothetical "winner" won in reality, 0-3 Ryan Dougherty avoided ultimate humiliation with an easy win over Alec, who was too busy battling his community's homeowners' association over whether or not he could mow a giant "52" in his lawn in honor of Khalil Mack, the most valuable Bear since Mike Ditka. This possibly fluke win was Ryan's first win, ending a five-game regular season losing streak. Meanwhile, the least amount of losses a team has ever finished with in our league is somehow three. I am on pace to beat that but, the sample size is small and there haven't been any really bad injuries yet outside of a few older quarterbacks.

One big reason behind Team Easy Breesy's first win of 2019? MINSHEW MANIA!

In other various sports news, it is October... THE BEST MONTH ON THE SPORTS CALENDAR. Football teams are going to start realizing their potential this season one way or another, the most hyped NBA season of my life starts in three weeks and the MLB playoffs are here! Granted, that last one is probably far less exciting for some of you with the Brewers going down in flames on Tuesday night but, watching the highlight of their eighth inning collapse had me hyped up for Juan Soto in one of the biggest, if not THE biggest moment in Washington Nationals history. After that all-timer of a baseball game, the AL Wildcard game was tame by comparison with Rays' infielder Yandy Diaz (who has been in the postseason before as a member of the Cleveland Indians) hit two home runs in a Tampa Bay victory over the Oakland Athletics. Moving forward, we'll see the Dodgers play the Nationals (I'm taking the Dodgers in 4), the Cardinals versus the Braves (Atlanta in 5), the injury-riddled Yankees playing the Twins (Yankees in 5) and the Rays versus the loaded Astros (Houston sweeps) and you can believe everything I said here because it was told to me by Shakira's hips.

Much like Bill Belichick, I am not here to talk about the past this week because not a whole hell of a lot happened. There were plenty of disappointing no-shows in fantasy with Patrick Mahomes (who is not Christian McCaffrey) not reaching the end zone this week, Ezekiel Elliott evaporating on Sunday night in a surprisingly forgettable Saints-Cowboys game and as a result of playing Chicago, the Vikings continue to look outmatched with Dalvin Cook reaching an abrupt stop on his path to a possible rushing title. None of the WRBL battles were close except for my 13-point win over Nick thanks to Michael Thomas's 18 points putting Wil Lutz in field goal range every time. A pretty lame way to get a late win but, I'll take that over losing to Nick in a week where DeAndre Hopkins, Odell Beckham Jr. & Mahomes' top wideout (Sammy Watkins) combined for 17 points. The only other noteworthy occurrences were Ryan's first win and Darrin's first loss, the latter of which came by a whopping 102-point deficit to son, Scott Aschebrook. Tell me Darrin, how does it feel to get son'd by your son?

Reenactment of Scott, McCaffrey (not Mahomes but, definitely the one swooping in), Nick Chubb, Austin Hooper and more checking the box score versus The ChowHounds this weekend.

Week five is probably the last time any of us will take a 0-win team seriously as a threat to win (until week six when it's Washington v. Miami) because once an NFL team has 5 losses, they either win out or are in serious danger of missing the playoffs (not that anybody outside of delusional locker room cultures believes that an 0-5 team could make the playoffs). The Dolphins catch a break with their easiest opponent yet (BYE), Washington doesn't know who their quarterback is versus New England and the Cardinals look to improve their record to 1-3-1 against the winless Bengals. Meanwhile in Rapids-based fantasy football leagues, Ryan continues to use three Rams in their Thursday night game in Seattle against my 4-0 30-50 Feral Hogs. My reckless Canadian swine don't mess around with the diddly poo (Shout out to Jim Mora Sr.) that is Thursday Night Football though, the Swines come a'rockin' and don't bother knockin' on Sundays and Mondays exclusively because they enjoy their rest just as much as their attacks (Quietly crosses fingers that Tom Brady isn't washed). Colieveland believes in an effort similar to their championship weekend 96'er they pulled on Darrin a few years back and with T.Y. Hilton possibly back from injury, good things could still happen for 1-3 Cole. WRBL background characters Sneen and Alec face each other in a match nobody will watch until late in the season when the writers behind fantasy football run out of ideas for conflict and viewership ratings are down. If that doesn't get you excited for what's ahead, maybe the idea of a rising-from-the-Asches Scott taking on a downtrodden Nick Zurawski, looking for his second win in what was supposed to be HIS year. One thing we can all hope for is more than what we got out of this week and with nobody teams like Miami (LITERALLY zero relevancy) and Detroit (Not exciting but they do have Kenny Golladay) on bye, the league is sort of bound for a bounceback, right? Please? 

Scoring Leaders

QB

Patrick Mahomes 101 (Cole)

Lamar Jackson 73 (Nick)

Russell Wilson 69 (Andy/Alec)

Aaron Rodgers 63 (Sneen)

Carson Wentz 62 (Scott)

Tom Brady 44 (Andy)
DeShaun Watson 42 (Darrin)

Dak Prescott 27 (Darrin)

Drew Brees 19 (Ryan)

Matt Ryan 18 (Nick)
Josh Allen 17 (Ryan)
Gardner Minshew II 16 (Ryan)

Cam Newton 16 (Alec)
Kyler Murray 15 (Scott)
Daniel Jones 12 (Andy)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 108 (Scott)

Dalvin Cook 94 (Sneen)

Nick Chubb 84 (Scott)

Alvin Kamara 76 (Darrin)

Mark Ingram 74 (Andy)

David Johnson 71 (Nick)

Derrick Henry 67 (Darrin)

Austin Ekeler 65 (Andy)

Ezekiel Elliott 63 (Ryan)

James Conner 56 (Sneen)

Todd Gurley 54 (Ryan)

Le'Veon Bell 52 (Darrin)

Marlon Mack 52 (Alec)

Leonard Fournette 50 (Nick)

Saquon Barkley 45 (Alec)

Devonta Freeman 40 (Scott)

Joe Mixon 35 (Cole)

Josh Jacobs 32 (Nick)

Aaron Jones 31 (Ryan)
Damien Williams 24 (Sneen)

Kerryon Johnson 22 (Andy)

Chris Thompson 18 (Cole)

Frank Gore 16 (Cole)

LeSean McCoy 16 (Cole)

Tarik Cohen 9 (Alec)

Kenyan Drake 4 (Cole)

WR

Keenan Allen 95 (Alec)

Mike Evans 77 (Scott)

Julio Jones 77 (Alec)

Michael Thomas 74 (Andy)

Amari Cooper 71 (Darrin)

T.Y. Hilton 62 (Cole)

Davante Adams 61 (Sneen)

DeAndre Hopkins 59 (Nick)

Odell Beckham Jr. 57 (Nick)

Brandin Cooks 53 (Ryan)

Julian Edelman 50 (Sneen)

Tyrell Williams 49 (Cole)

Chris Godwin 47 (Cole)

Adam Thielen 45 (Andy)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 43 (Andy)

Emmanuel Sanders 37 (Scott)

Allen Robinson 34 (Ryan)

Cooper Kupp 27 (Andy)

Sammy Watkins 27 (Nick)

Sterling Shepard 26 (Darrin)

John Brown 20 (Darrin)

Marvin Jones Jr. 18 (Ryan)

DJ Chark 17 (Cole)
Antonio Brown 15 (Darrin)

Stefon Diggs 14 (Alec)

Larry Fitzgerald 9 (Sneen)

Tyler Lockett 9 (Cole)

Robert Woods 8 (Sneen)
Marquise Brown 6 (Alec)

Jarvis Landry 6 (Scott)
Kenny Golladay 3 (Alec)

Tyreek Hill 3 (Ryan)

TE

Evan Engram 70 (Darrin)

Travis Kelce 64 (Andy)

Zach Ertz 50 (Sneen)

George Kittle 32 (Cole)

Vance McDonald 30 (Alec)

Austin Hooper 22 (Scott)

Darren Waller 22 (Nick)

Delanie Walker 21 (Ryan)

Will Dissly 18 (Alec)

David Njoku 12 (Nick)

Hunter Henry 10 (Ryan)

Jared Cook 9 (Scott)

Mark Andrews 4 (Nick)
Greg Olsen 2 (Cole)
T.J. Hockenson 1 (Scott)

PK

Greg Zuerlein 45 (Ryan)

Wil Lutz 43 (Andy)

Harrison Butker 41 (Nick)

Justin Tucker 34 (Alec)

Stephen Gostkowski 32 (Darrin)

Robbie Gould 27 (Cole)

Jake Elliott 23 (Sneen)

Ka'imi Fairbairn 16 (Scott)
Mason Crosby 9 (Cole)

DF

New England Patriots 72 (Scott)

Chicago Bears 50 (Nick)

Buffalo Bills 32 (Darrin)

Los Angeles Rams 28 (Sneen)

New Orleans Saints 28 (Alec)

Los Angeles Chargers 23 (Ryan)

Baltimore Ravens 18 (Andy)

Dallas Cowboys 11 (Andy)

Carolina Panthers 7 (Cole)

Jacksonville Jaguars 7 (Scott/Cole)

Arizona Cardinals 2 (Cole)

Hypothetical Standings

30 to 50 Feral Hogs 4-0

Rise From The Asches 2-2

Team ChowHounds 2-2

Tax Paying Homeowner 2-2

Colieveland 96ers 2-2

SNEEN MACHINE 2-2

Is It Pronounced Navy 1-3

Team Easy Breesy 1-3