WRBL, Week 9 2019

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 9
Our 5th official season of blaming Cole Walters for Boomers..

Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Rise From The Asches (Scott Aschebrook) 6-3 W2
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 4-5 L4
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 3-6 W1
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 1-8 L8

Shooter McGavin Division
30 to 50 Feral Hogs (Andy Todd) 8-1 W1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 6-3 W3
Navy Is Illiterate (Nick Zurawski) 4-5 L1

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 4-5 L1

Week Nine Final Scores
SNEEN  137 - NICK  123
RYAN  121 - DARRIN  114
SCOTT  154 - ALEC  135
ANDY  131 - COLE  103

Heroes of the Week: WR Tyler Lockett (40 points), QB Russell Wilson (39), RB Christian McCaffrey (37)

Getty Images
Hero of the Week: WR Tyler Lockett (30 to 50 Feral Hogs)

Zero of the Week: DF Seattle Seahawks (Andy)

Waiver Wonders: RB Kenyan Drake (28 points), QB Jimmy Garoppolo (28), WR DK Metcalf (26)

Ralph Freso/Getty Images
Waiver Wonder: RB Kenyan Drake (19 touches, 162 total yards, 1 TD)

Upcoming Week 10 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Nick vs. Ryan
Scott vs. Cole
Andy vs. Alec
Darrin vs. Sneen

Thursday Night Football: LA Chargers @ Oakland 7:20 PM
Sunday NOON: Detroit @ Chicago
Baltimore @ Cincinnati
Buffalo @ Cleveland
Kansas City @ Tennessee
Atlanta @ New Orleans
NY Giants @ NY Jets
Arizona @ Tampa Bay

3:05 PM: Miami @ Indianapolis

3:25 PM: Carolina @ Green Bay
LA Rams @ Pittsburgh

Sunday Night Football: Minnesota @ Dallas 7:20 PM

Monday Night Football: Seattle @ San Francisco 7:15 PM

BYE WEEKS: New England, Houston, Philadelphia, Jacksonville, Denver, Washington

Bro...

Five weeks away from the WRBL postseason and there are still six teams in limbo with just one clear and obvious have (Andy Todd) and one have-not (Cole Walters). Of course, it would take a collapse of epic Cubs-like proportions for Scott to fall out of the playoff race and (THIS IS NOT A REVERSE JINX) I certainly don't see anything but the best, healthiest roster being Rise From The Asches right this moment but, in a year filled to the brim with so many streaky performances (see: Cole's 8 Ls, my 7 Ws, Nick's 1-4 turning into 4-4 or whatever happened to Darrin's team) anything COULD still happen. On a positive note for those streaking in the wrong direction, Congratulations are in order for the entirety of the Wisconsin Rapids Bro League as, for the first time in league history, EVERY team reached the 100-point milestone this week. This only showcases that none of us are being just plain old bad fantasy football players this year (unless Sneen somehow sputters out into a third Sacko) and that pure luck of the draw has accounted for so much of the randomness this fantasy football season. 

"We're going streaking!!!" - Cole "The Tank" Walters.

Halfway into the NFL season and two things are absolutely in fashion right now, backup quarterbacks and the San Francisco 49ers! Ironically, this is the first time since 2014 (Colin Kaepernick) that the Niners have not had to turn to their backup quarterback and despite up-and-down showings the first seven weeks, Jimmy Garoppolo seems to have shifted the narrative around San Fransisco's undefeated start from "Oh, they're all defense and no offense" to "As the last undefeated team, they have to be a more complete team than New England at the moment... right?". On the opposite end of the spectrum, the Bengals are now the last remaining winless team after the Jets shat the bed in the ultimate Adam Gase revenge game (They'll never get the first overall pick if Adam Gase has anything to say about it!) and now Cincy has turned to their backup quarterback, rookie Ryan Finley. The good news for Finley is that reports have WR A.J. Green making his season debut for them and maybe eventually, Scott. Even though Andy Dalton was once the franchise quarterback for the conservative Bengals, his game-management ways just do not work with one of the league's worst offensive line and defense combos. Why not the 5th rounder out of NC State at this point? Kyle Allen, Gardner Minshew and Brandon Allen all have looked good so far and they aren't necessarily tanking for a Tua or Joe Burrow when Chase Young (DE from Ohio State) looks like the most NFL ready prospect in college football right now.

One thing that is not in fashion is bragging about your own fantasy football team's performance but fuck it, it's still my blog and I have a right to boast before things potentially fall apart. The Patrick Mahomes (who is not Christian McCaffrey) trade is already a WIN in my book for the 30 to 50 Feral Hogs and the star of the trade has yet to play a game. Let me explain... I only needed to play Cole one more time this season and an 8-win season is virtually a lock for WRBL postseason eligibility which is a portion of my reasoning in making the 4-for-2 deal when I did last week. Coming off a hamstring injury made Adam Thielen virtually unstartable against me last week and luckily for Cole, he chose to bench the Viking PPR-stud in a game where he couldn't even finish the first drive. As for JuJu Smith-Schuster, I thought that Cole might start the Steelers' #1 WR with T.Y. Hilton inactive but again, Cole made the right decision benching the 4-point disappointment for Tyrell Williams (who only put up 7 but, 7 > 4. Source: Math). I was wrong to be skeptical about Mark Ingram (13 points) versus New England, I'll own up to that and the unfortunate injury to Jacoby Brissett (2 points.) made Daniel Jones' (11 points) benching a blooper in an otherwise savvy week for Cold Waters but, for the one week I needed everybody I felt a sense of melancholy dealing away to hit a wall, they absolutely delivered. Not only did the four players I shipped away score a combined 28 points this week but, Tyler Lockett ALONE dropped 40 points and won Hero of the Week honors in a 96ers' revenge game. Had I not made this trade prior to week nine, I would have started James White (15 points, 4 less than Samuels) instead of Jaylen Samuels (who I added as one of my two empty roster spots immediately following the deal), Ingram instead of Phillip Lindsay (a minor 2-point drop in Cole's favor) and yes, Adam Thielen instead of Lockett, who would have likely started for Cole (an EIGHTY point turn of events). For those of you without a calculator at home, the Hogs would have only put up 85 points and with Lockett in instead of Tyrell Williams (just guessing here based on Williams being the FLEX) and Sony Michel (3 points) starting instead of Ingram (again, guessing as Michel was his only active backup RB), the 96ers would have accumulated 133. A 133-85 Cole victory would not have saved Cole's season but, it could have placed mine in jeopardy with Sneen only one game behind and a possible Mahomes-less collapse on the horizon with a dreaded .500 season (where the playoffs are no guarantee) still in play. 

Don Wright/AP
In an alternate timeline, Jacoby Brissett (above) and T.Y. Hilton were both healthy this week and were the reason for Cole's second victory despite our trade and I was much less insufferable.

Now, we all get to watch Cole's team improve and take out some other playoff-caliber teams with his new-found depth. First on his potential hit list? The other division leader, Scott Aschebrook. It's one hell of a tall task for anybody to stop the league's #1 player in fantasy right now in Christian McCaffrey (who is not Patrick Mahomes). The one they call "Dairy Sanders" plays the struggling Packer run defense this week, after scoring 37 points and locking down Hero of the Week honors for the fourth time in eight games. The man is averaging 29.9 points per game and Scott also has the ultimate boom-or-bust guy of 2019 in WR Mike Evans on a streak of two consecutive booms (Ok, Boomer). Scott is coming off a 19-point win over tough luck Alec, the Tax Paying Homeowner who is quietly 6-3 and only a game out of first in the hypothetical standings thanks to Russell "If only I would have kept him instead waiting 8 weeks to trade back for Mahomes" Wilson. Instead, Alec has had to face others on some of their best weeks as he sits at 4-5, technically last place in the Shooter McGavin division. Alec and the #1 QB in the WRBL this season will be looking for revenge against 8-1 Andy Todd. Also in the Shooter McGavin division, the league saw Sneen and his machine versus Nick and his "Navy Is Illiterate" team (I'm still not on the inside of this inside joke by the way) come down to Monday Night after Lamar Jackson tore apart the Patriots' defense for New England's first loss and Nick's last gasp of winning air for the week. Sneen needed just 6 points to extend his winning streak to 3 and three Danny Dimes turnovers and a touchdown later, SNEEN MACHINE won by 14. This week, Nick gets Ryan while Alec plays Darrin. Darrin and Ryan played each other this past week and despite a touchdown from Amari Cooper, Evan Engram's 10 points could not catch up to Ezekiel Elliott's 13 as Team Easy Breesy came out on top by 7. 

Those WRBL matches are only a fraction of the fun to come in week 10 as the Chargers play the Raiders in an AFC West division rivalry where both teams seem to have come into their own over the past few weeks both in terms of health (even Derwin James is close to a return) and productivity. That Thursday Night special will be followed by a noon slate of games that MIGHT see the return of 2018 NFL MVP Patrick Mahomes, the battle for New York that nobody needs to watch, possible 2019 MVP Lamar Jackson against the 0-8 Bengals and a sneaky fun Cardinals-Buccaneeers game that Scott will be watching closely as Kyler Murray plays against Mike Evans and neither defense is all that competent. The late-afternoon schedule MIGHT have Brian Hoyer playing the Dolphins (Another one to just check out the highlights afterwards if one so desires), the Panthers play in Green Bay and the lucky but maybe not good Rams in Pittsburgh to face the unlucky but maybe somehow also good Steelers. Thankfully, we are now in schedule flexing season where the big networks can opt out of certain primetime games (this means less of the Jets and Cleveland) for other games of more significant playoff intrigue (Carolina versus Green Bay was not originally a 3:00 game that will now draw a larger audience than likely all of the noon games). The 6-3 Vikings in Dallas (vs. the 5-3 Cowboys) on Sunday night and the 7-2 Seahawks at the 8-0 49ers on Monday night? Consider America entertained as the NFL's race for the postseason race heats up too. 

Richard Sherman looks to continue his return to shutdown form against his former team.

Scoring Leaders

QB

Russell Wilson 193 (Andy/Alec)

DeShaun Watson 173 (Darrin)

Aaron Rodgers 171 (Sneen)

Lamar Jackson 164 (Nick)

Patrick Mahomes 143 (Cole)

Tom Brady 119 (Andy)

Kyler Murray 83 (Scott)

Carson Wentz 62 (Scott)

Drew Brees 43 (Ryan)
Gardner Minshew II 40 (Ryan)

Kirk Cousins 31 (Nick/Scott)

Dak Prescott 27 (Darrin)
Matthew Stafford 24 (Ryan)

Daniel Jones 21 (Andy)

Jameis Winston 19 (Cole)

Matt Ryan 18 (Nick)
Josh Allen 17 (Ryan)
Cam Newton 16 (Alec)
Jacoby Brissett 12 (Ryan/Cole)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 239 (Scott)

Dalvin Cook 201 (Sneen)

Aaron Jones 148 (Ryan)

Nick Chubb 144 (Scott)

Ezekiel Elliott 143 (Ryan)

Leonard Fournette 137 (Nick)

Derrick Henry 130 (Darrin)

David Johnson 116 (Nick)

Mark Ingram 114 (Andy/Cole)

Le'Veon Bell 112 (Darrin)

Austin Ekeler 108 (Andy)

Alvin Kamara 105 (Darrin)

Saquon Barkley 102 (Alec)

Marlon Mack 100 (Alec)

James Conner 90 (Sneen)

Devonta Freeman 87 (Scott)

Todd Gurley 82 (Ryan)

Melvin Gordon 59 (Cole)

Joe Mixon 58 (Cole)

Josh Jacobs 56 (Nick)

Tevin Coleman 50 (Sneen)
Chris Carson 36 (Nick)

Latavius Murray 36 (Scott)

Kerryon Johnson 35 (Andy)

Damien Williams 32 (Sneen)

LeSean McCoy 25 (Cole/Darrin)

Frank Gore 23 (Cole/Darrin)

James White 23 (Andy)
Tarik Cohen 19 (Alec)
Phillip Lindsay 19 (Andy)
Jaylen Samuels 19 (Andy)

Chris Thompson 18 (Cole)

Kenyan Drake 17 (Cole/Alec)

Miles Sanders 17 (Alec)

Sony Michel 7 (Cole)

Chase Edmonds 2 (Nick)
David Montgomery 1 (Scott)

WR

Michael Thomas 181 (Andy)

Mike Evans 175 (Scott)

DeAndre Hopkins 154 (Nick)

Julian Edelman 151 (Sneen)

Julio Jones 142 (Alec)

Chris Godwin 126 (Cole)

Keenan Allen 122 (Alec)

Amari Cooper 111 (Darrin)

Cooper Kupp 104 (Andy)

Adam Thielen 103 (Andy)

Allen Robinson 98 (Ryan)

T.Y. Hilton 95 (Cole)

Tyler Lockett 92 (Cole/Andy)

Tyreek Hill 83 (Ryan)

Odell Beckham Jr. 76 (Nick)

Kenny Golladay 74 (Alec)

Davante Adams 72 (Sneen)

Emmanuel Sanders 72 (Scott)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 64 (Andy)

Brandin Cooks 58 (Ryan)

Tyrell Williams 56 (Cole)

Marvin Jones Jr. 53 (Ryan)

John Brown 49 (Darrin)

Courtland Sutton 45 (Alec)

DJ Chark 41 (Cole)

Golden Tate 41 (Scott)

Tyler Boyd 40 (Nick)

Stefon Diggs 35 (Alec/Nick)
Sterling Shepard 35 (Darrin)

Robert Woods 29 (Sneen)

Alshon Jeffery 28 (Darrin)

Sammy Watkins 27 (Nick)

Mohamed Sanu 24 (Sneen)

Jarvis Landry 23 (Scott)

Larry Fitzgerald 22 (Sneen)

Calvin Ridley 21 (Sneen)

Antonio Brown 15 (Darrin)
Michael Gallup 11 (Andy)

Will Fuller V 10 (Ryan)
Auden Tate 9 (Alec)

Marquise Brown 6 (Alec)

Terry McLaurin 2 (Scott)

TE

Travis Kelce 123 (Andy)

George Kittle 109 (Cole)

Zach Ertz 107 (Sneen)

Evan Engram 105 (Darrin)

Austin Hooper 92 (Scott)

Darren Waller 76 (Nick)

Hunter Henry 48 (Ryan/Alec)

Will Dissly 30 (Alec)

Vance McDonald 30 (Alec)

Delanie Walker 30 (Ryan)

Jared Cook 21 (Scott/Darrin)

David Njoku 12 (Nick)

Greg Olsen 11 (Cole/Nick)
Darren Fells 7 (Scott)
Dallas Goedert 7 (Ryan)
Jason Witten 7 (Ryan)

Mark Andrews 4 (Nick)
Gerald Everett 3 (Ryan)
T.J. Hockenson 1 (Scott)

PK

Harrison Butker 89 (Nick)

Justin Tucker 82 (Alec/Andy)

Greg Zuerlein 77 (Ryan)

Wil Lutz 72 (Andy)

Jake Elliott 58 (Sneen)

Robbie Gould 48 (Cole/Scott)

Mason Crosby 37 (Cole)

Josh Lambo 34 (Darrin)
Stephen Gostkowski 32 (Darrin)

Chris Boswell 16 (Cole)

Ka'imi Fairbairn 16 (Scott)

Matt Prater 14 (Alec)

Mike Nugent 13 (Scott)

Adam Vinatieri 13 (Cole)
Matt Gay 11 (Ryan)

Joey Slye 2 (Darrin)

DF

New England Patriots 161 (Scott)

New Orleans Saints 67 (Alec)

Buffalo Bills 66 (Darrin)

Chicago Bears 60 (Nick)

Los Angeles Rams 60 (Sneen)

Los Angeles Chargers 57 (Ryan)

Philadelphia Eagles 35 (Cole)

Dallas Cowboys 33 (Andy/Cole/Sneen)
Carolina Panthers 32 (Cole/Darrin/Alec)
Jacksonville Jaguars 26 (Scott/Cole)

Baltimore Ravens 25 (Andy/Nick)

Pittsburgh Steelers 15 (Cole)

San Francisco 49ers 15 (Andy/Nick)

Washington 12 (Andy)

Tennessee Titans 7 (Andy)

Arizona Cardinals 2 (Cole)
Seattle Seahawks 2 (Andy)
Denver Broncos 1 (Cole)

Hypothetical Standings

30 to 50 Feral Hogs 7-2
Tax Paying Homeowner 6-3

Rise From The Asches 5-4

SNEEN MACHINE 5-4

Team ChowHounds 4-5
Navy Is Illiterate 3-6

Colieveland 96ers 3-6
Team Easy Breesy 3-6