Week 8
Our 3rd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for Youtube comments.
Current Standings
Harbaugh Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 7-1 W4
Moon's Microdongs (Nick Zurawski) 5-3 L1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 3-5 W1
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 1-7 L7
Dantonio Division
Julio Beat That Undefeatedteam? (Scott Aschebrook) 5-3 L1
TyRod Henke (Andy Todd) 4-4 W1
Oh, it's getting juicy now. The NFL FINALLY had some quality games this weekend and the Bro League has some real competition for wildcard positioning. Skipping over Thursday Night, the Sunday slate finally lived up to what we have come to expect from NFL Sundays past. The Packer-Falcon game was some of the best football played this season, Washington-Cincinnati was an entertaining start to the day in London with yet another tie! and the Cowboy-Eagle Sunday night match was a memorable game that found itself in overtime as well. The MVP after eight weeks is still a guy who missed four games (Tom Brady), the Vikings might have been a mirage this whole time and the Raiders are still 6-2 but, at least SOME things make sense again. I wonder what the NFL ratings would be like up against a Cubs-Indians Game 7? We'll likely never know but, it's something to ponder. TyRod Henke (Andy Todd) 4-4 W1
Fuck The Playoff System (Cole Walters) 4-4 W2
Team Swanson (Alec Swanson) 3-5 L3
Week Eight Final Scores
WALTERS 132 SWANSON 126
ASCHEBROOK SR. 135 ZURAWSKI 92
TODD 124 ASCHEBROOK JR. 96
SNEEN 116 MOON 94
915 |
| Brett Davis - Fox Sports Hero of the Week: QB Aaron Rodgers (Team ChowHounds) |
Heroes of the Week: WR Amari Cooper (Moon), QB Aaron Rodgers (Aschebrook Sr.), QB Tom Brady (Todd)
Zeroes of the Week: DF Minnesota Vikings (Todd), Owner Evan Moon (Moon), NFL Offensive Lines (Colts, Seahawks, Jaguars, Vikings, etc.)
Bro... |
| Elsa/Getty Images Zero of the Week: DF Minnesota Vikings (TyRod Henke) |
Upcoming Week 9 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
TyRod Henke vs. Fuck The Playoff System
Team Swanson vs. Julio Beat That Undefeatedteam?
Moon's Microdongs vs. SNEEN MACHINE
Team Moon vs. Team ChowHounds
Team Swanson vs. Julio Beat That Undefeatedteam?
Moon's Microdongs vs. SNEEN MACHINE
Team Moon vs. Team ChowHounds
Bye Weeks: Chicago, Cincinnati, Arizona, New England, Washington, Houston
Thursday Game: Atlanta @ Tampa Bay 7:25 PM
Sunday: Pittsburgh @ Baltimore NOON
Dallas @ Cleveland NOON
Jacksonville @ Kansas City NOON
NY Jets @ Miami NOON
Philadelphia @ NY Giants NOON
Detroit @ Minnesota NOON
Carolina @ Los Angeles 3:05
New Orleans @ San Francisco 3:05
Tennessee @ San Diego 3:25
Indianapolis @ Green Bay 3:25
Indianapolis @ Green Bay 3:25
Denver @ Oakland 7:30
Monday: Buffalo @ Seattle 7:30
Monday: Buffalo @ Seattle 7:30
 |
| ESPN Kyle Schwarber's return from an ACL torn in April has added much to Chicago's lineup. |
As I mentioned already, the battle for second place in the -insert division name #2 here- division is very real and, to this point, quite spectacular. It's gotten so close that even fourth-place Alec is just two games away from leader Scott Aschebrook. Alec has easily had the worst luck in the league as he has finished in the top four of league scoring six out of eight weeks and has only managed to win three weeks thus far. This week was an all new high on the heartbreak scale for Team Swanson when he lost by just six points to division rival Cole Walters and the Chicago Bears defense not only cost Alec's favorite team odds at the #2 draft pick but, a fantasy win as well. The Chicago Bears: screwing over fantasy owners since the game's inception time and time again. In other news, I upset Scott therefor bringing the division much closer with Scott falling to 5-3 and TyRod Henke currently lining up in second at 4-4. It's a cluster of mediocrity and only a trade of controversial proportions before this Thursday's deadline could break the mold. Meanwhile, Division #1 is just chill as all hell. Sneen got an easy win over an inattentive Team Moon, who is now 1-7 and has not budged on his lineup in two weeks. SNEEN MACHINE is going to need more than that stroll-on-the-beach win to make 3-5 into a legitimate threat against Zurawski's Moon's Microdongs, who fell to 5-3 with a loss to the extremely dominant 7-1 Team ChowHounds.
The trade deadline is here and there is a trade on the board right now, waiting for league approval. The deal is as follows...
Moon receives
- RB Terrance West
- K Dustin Hopkins
- Scott's 2017 1st Rounder
- Scott's 2017 4th Rounder
Scott receives
- RB Ezekiel Elliott
- WR Amari Cooper
- K Justin Tucker
- Moon's 2017 10th Rounder
- Moon's 2017 11th Rounder
I'm typically one that does not care if there is a lopsided trade in the league and I don't see this as a clear robbery on either side as Scott is clearly stating "All or bust for Aschebrook this season" and Moon is shrugging and implying that "there's always next year". It's totally fair that this is a real trade about to take place in a fantasy football league but, what isn't fair is that an owner can quit on his team, only to come back and decide that he cares enough about the league to gain an advantage for a future year in which he feels he can field a winning squad. Evan Moon gets a pass for leaving inactive QB Carson Palmer in his lineup week 5 because it was a Thursday night game and hey, missing one lineup a year is not going to dramatically alter the league if it happens prior to the postseason final four. Moon does not however get a pass from me for leaving Elliott in his lineup during his week seven bye or for having three unfilled positions in his lineup last week (RB2 = empty, K Justin Tucker = Bye Week, DF Baltimore Ravens = Bye Week). I have no qualms with Scott trying to gain an advantage on the league in this trade and I wish that "thug" (Cole's word, not mine) the best in his fantasy endeavors. Nobody wants to be "that guy" but, I don't think any trade that clearly favors Team Moon's future should go through based on his inability to give enough of a shit to at least glue together a laughable lineup the past two weeks. At the end of the day, it's just a game and we should take nothing seriously and I will fully accept being wrong on this manner if it comes to that but, I just wanted to bring this to fellow owner's attentions so that they can at least ponder both sides and give second thoughts to the trade that makes Cole Walters believe "the league has gone to shit".
The Falcons play the Buccaneers on Thursday night so remove all Falcons & Bucs from your lineups because Thursday Night Football is trash and everybody will turn into pumpkins. Sundays return to their regularly scheduled programming now that London is out of games to force-feed us and the highlights include an NFC East battle between the Eagles and the Giants, the now-shitty Vikings against the good-then-shitty-then-good-then-shitty again Lions and a 3:25 game between two teams with MVP-caliber quarterbacks stuck on impossible rosters, the Colts versus the Packers at Lambeau Field. The Night games are less than intriguing but, what is very intriguing are the WRBL face-offs this week. Not only does 3-5 Team Swanson get a chance to really muddy up his division with a win over 5-3 Julio Beat That Undefeatedteam? but, 4-4 TyRod Henke (who is not suspended for one week despite false reports from something called the Wisconsin Rapids Daily Tribune) takes on 4-4 Fuck The Playoff System as Fuck tries to pick up his third consecutive win and an advantage in the playoff race. Moon's Microdongs plays without early-season fantasy MVP David Johnson and other RB's Jordan Howard and Jeremy Hill against 3-5 SNEEN MACHINE and the massively underachieving Russell Wilson. Team Moon plays Team ChowHounds also but really, what do we expect to happen? It's not like the ChowHounds have Jake Long playing Left Tackle this week, that's not how fantasy football works. All in all I'm sure plenty of trade talks will take place in the next couple of days and I'm sure friendships will be broken forever and new rivalries ignited. That's what makes this the greatest fake sport known to mankind. This is why we lift all of those virtual weights.
 |
| That moment when you see who your starting offensive linemen are. |
Scoring Leaders
QB
Aaron Rodgers 146 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ben Roethlisberger 119 (SWANSON)
Carson Palmer 103 (MOON)
Tom Brady 102 (TODD)
Philip Rivers 69 (ZURAWSKI)
Russell Wilson 53 (SNEEN)
Matt Ryan 49 (ASCHEBROOK)
Andrew Luck 45 (SWANSON)
Kirk Cousins 27 (ZURAWSKI)
Dak Prescott 26 (WALTERS)
Dak Prescott 26 (WALTERS)
Jameis Winston 18 (ZURAWSKI)
Alex Smith 8 (ZURAWSKI)
RB
David Johnson 184 (ZURAWSKI)
LeSean McCoy 127 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Devonta Freeman 124 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
DeMarco Murray 121 (ASCHEBROOK)
Melvin Gordon 115 (WALTERS)
Lamar Miller 109 (SNEEN)
Todd Gurley 88 (TODD)
Le'Veon Bell 87 (ASCHEBROOK)
Frank Gore 85 (ZURAWSKI)
DeAngelo Williams 64 (ASCHEBROOK)
Carlos Hyde 63 (SWANSON)
Matt Forte 61 (SWANSON)
Duke Johnson Jr. 53 (MOON)
Spencer Ware 40 (TODD/SWANSON)
Giovani Bernard 32 (SNEEN)
Jacquizz Rodgers 29 (TODD)
Ameer Abdullah 25 (TODD)Danny Woodhead 25 (ZURAWSKI)
Eddie Lacy 24 (MOON)
Devontae Booker 17 (TODD)
Isaiah Crowell 22 (WALTERS)
James White 15 (ASCHEBROOK)
Doug Martin 14 (WALTERS)
Ryan Mathews 14 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Matt Asiata 9 (WALTERS)
DeAndre Washington 9 (TODD)
Jeremy Langford 7 (WALTERS)
Adrian Peterson 6 (MOON)
Adrian Peterson 6 (MOON)
Jerick McKinnon 5 (SNEEN)
Chris Ivory 2 (TODD)
WR
Julio Jones 149 (ASCHEBROOK)
A.J. Green 148 (SWANSON)
Amari Cooper 142 (MOON)
Mike Evans 138 (ASCHEBROOK)
Brandin Cooks 117 (WALTERS)
Demaryius Thomas 114 (MOON)
DeAndre Hopkins 98 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Brandon Marshall 91 (ZURAWSKI)
Jordy Nelson 85 (TODD)
Allen Robinson 83 (SWANSON)
Willie Snead 55 (SNEEN)
Marvin Jones 53 (MOON)
Eric Decker 39 (SNEEN)
Travis Benjamin 36 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jeremy Maclin 36 (ASCHEBROOK)
Dez Bryant 35 (SNEEN)
DeSean Jackson 34 (ZURAWSKI)
Terrelle Pryor 33 (TODD)
Michael Crabtree 31 (ASCHEBROOK)
Golden Tate 25 (WALTERS)
Mike Wallace 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Donte Moncrief 19 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Julian Edelman 18 (WALTERS)
Stefon Diggs 17 (TODD)
Keenan Allen 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Kelvin Benjamin 12 (SWANSON)
Sammy Watkins 12 (ZURAWSKI)
John Brown 10 (SNEEN)
Steve Smith Sr. 5 (SNEEN)
Cameron Meredith 2 (TODD)TE
Greg Olsen 114 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jordan Reed 99 (SNEEN)
Travis Kelce 87 (WALTERS)
Rob Gronkowski 86 (ZURAWSKI)
Hunter Henry 51 (TODD/MOON)
Martellus Bennett 50 (SWANSON)
Coby Fleener 31 (SNEEN)
Jimmy Graham 30 (ASCHEBROOK)
Eric Ebron 17 (SWANSON)
Jason Witten 15 (ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS)
Kyle Rudolph 10 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Zach Miller 7 (ZURAWSKI)
Jared Cook 1 (ASCHEBROOK)
K
Justin Tucker 78 (MOON)
Brandon McManus 68 (TODD)
Stephen Gostkowski 60 (SNEEN)
Mason Crosby 48 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Steven Hauschka 42 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dustin Hopkins 34 (ASCHEBROOK)
Matt Prater 28 (WALTERS)
Matt Bryant 22 (SWANSON)
Matt Bryant 22 (SWANSON)
DF
Denver Broncos 91 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Carolina Panthers 46 (SWANSON)
Cincinnati Bengals 32 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)
Green Bay Packers 29 (SNEEN/WALTERS)
Philadelphia Eagles 21 (TODD)
New York Giants 20 (ZURAWSKI)
New York Giants 20 (ZURAWSKI)
New England Patriots 18 (SNEEN)
Chicago Bears 17 (ZURAWSKI/WALTERS)
Tennessee Titans 6 (SWANSON)
Indianapolis Colts 2 (SNEEN)
New York Jets 1 (ZURAWSKI)
Moon's Microdongs 5-3
New York Jets 1 (ZURAWSKI)
Hypothetical Standings
Julio Beat That Undefeatedteam? 6-2
Team ChowHounds 6-2
Team Swanson 6-2
TyRod Henke 3-5
Fuck The Playoff System 3-5
SNEEN MACHINE 2-6
SNEEN MACHINE 2-6
Team Moon 1-7
No comments:
Post a Comment