As The WRBL Turns, S03 E10

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 10
Our 3rd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for Nickelback.

Current Standings
Swae Lee Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 8-2 L1
Moon's Microdongs (Nick Zurawski) 7-3 W2
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 4-6 W1
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 1-9 L9

Slim Jxmmy Division

Bought Not Built (Scott Aschebrook) 7-3 W2

Fuck The Playoff System (Cole Walters) 5-5 L1

TyRod Henke (Andy Todd) 5-5 W1

Team Swanson (Alec Swanson) 3-7 L5

Week Ten Final Scores

TODD  118 SWANSON  116
SNEEN  127 ASCHEBROOK SR.  120
ASCHEBROOK JR.  152 WALTERS  113
ZURAWSKI  101 MOON  98

945

Jim Matthews - USA TODAY NETWORK - Wis
Hero of the Week: WR Jordy Nelson (TyRod Henke)

Heroes of the Week: WR Antonio Brown (Walters), RB Le'Veon Bell (Aschebrook), WR Jordy Nelson (Todd)

Zeroes of the Week: Owner Evan Moon (Moon), DF Green Bay Packers (Walters), Owner Nick Zurawski (Zurawski)

Matt Kryger/Indianapolis Star
Zero of the Week: Team Owner Nick Zurawski, despite the win, for leaving Adam Vinatieri (above) in his lineup on Vinatieri's hunting week.

Upcoming Week 11 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Team ChowHounds vs. Bought Not Built

SNEEN MACHINE vs. Fuck The Playoff System

Moon's Microdongs vs. TyRod Henke
Team Moon vs. Team Swanson

Bye Weeks: San Diego, Denver, Atlanta, NY Jets

Thursday Game: New Orleans @ Carolina 7:25 PM

Sunday: Pittsburgh @ Cleveland NOON

Baltimore @ Dallas NOON

Jacksonville @ Detroit NOON

Tennessee @ Indianapolis NOON

Buffalo @ Cincinnati NOON

Tampa Bay @ Kansas City NOON
Chicago @ NY Giants NOON
Arizona @ Minnesota NOON

Miami @ Los Angeles 3:05

New England @ San Francisco 3:25

Philadelphia @ Seattle 3:25

Green Bay @ Washington 7:30
Monday: Houston @ Oakland 7:30

Bro...
Fantasy football aside, what a phenomenal football weekend. Not only did both the Cowboys-Steelers and Seahawks-Patriots games live up to the hype, not only did the Giants-Bengals and Chiefs-Panthers play exciting, close football and not only did the Broncos win in a way never before seen in an NFL game over the Saints BUT, the weekend in college football was bat fecal matter insane. The #2, #3 and #4 ranked teams all lost for the first time in the same weekend since the first Back To The Future movie was in theaters. Great Scott! That wasn't all as #8 Texas A&M and #9 Auburn also dropped games and simultaneously killed any chances at either team making the college football playoff. Ultimately none of it matters because Alabama but, it sure was fun to watch and much like this past NFL weekend, I'm sure the tv ratings will be on the rise.

NFL via Youtube
Nobody talks about white-on-white crimes.

One WRBL owner has taken the mannequin challenge too far with his own lineup as Moon did not start a quarterback again. At this point, he is clearly oblivious to anything his team is doing on a weekly basis and it's not like he's reading this so, we might as well start the discussions on whether or not to kick him out of the league in the future if he does not start a single quarterback the rest of the season (or if he only chooses to pick up a QB out of spite the week he faces me since I'm the only person constantly throwing his name out as a poor owner). I don't care if he feels like throwing Johnny Manziel into his lineup, ANY SIGNS OF LIFE would be an improvement over the soggy garbage he keeps putting out there. Besides, if he would have started Bryce Petty (BRYCE MF'ing PETTY!) this week, he would have won by 5. Of course, had Moon fielded a respectable lineup maybe Nick wouldn't have kept a kicker on his bye week in his own lineup (which I totally understand since hello, it's Moon's team and also, why cut the best 44-year old kicker ever who's the #1 scoring kicker in our league?) and could have still beaten Moon but that's just a Cole Walters-amount of hypothetical scenarios that would drive Rain man insane. Either way, both owners get Zero of the Week honors for not fielding a full lineup (even Nick despite winning. Sorry, that's just the way the rules for ZOTW go) and Moon's Microdongs inch closer to first place in division #1.

Googling "Jordan Howard Bucs fumble" was not how I envisioned spending my night from 10:45-10:50 PM on Monday but alas, I was looking to make sure a tie would not occur between Alec and I due to a stat correction. Yes, the 2016 Chicago Bears season could be defined as a series of double whammies for Alec since not only did Jordan Howard cost him a potential tie this week but, the Bears defense destroying Minnesota a few weeks ago ruined Chicago's draft positioning temporarily and cost him a 6-point loss to Cole in week 8 and now Alec's other Bear, Alshon Jeffery, is suspended for four games in his possibly final season with the team. At least 2016 Team Swanson will always have that week where he scored 161 points (and lost to Scott's super team the one week Scott had a super team anyway). I was shocked the Bengals were not able to stop the Giants from running out the clock Monday night and TyRod Henke won by two points thanks to Rashad Jennings keeping the ball out of A.J. Green's hands. What a time to be alive.

USA TODAY
Did I mention that the Bears lost 10-36 to a shittier Buccaneer team featuring a pick-six from former Bear Chris Conte'? Can somebody check on Alec and make sure he's okay?

The only WRBL matchup that I thought had any chance at being exciting turned out to be the biggest blowout of the four. Scott furthered his lead in division #2 after agreeing to temporarily bench RB Ezekiel Elliott while still keeping Justin Tucker in his lineup for some reason... I don't know, does anybody really care about this anymore? It's not like Moon would know to put Elliott back in his lineup if he is returned or whatever the hell happens there. I'm not the commissioner. Back to the game, Scott beat Fuck The Playoff System by 39 points. Scott's divisional lead is comfy and Cole falls back into a tie with TyRod Henke for second in our division with a small 23-point advantage as the tiebreaker between the two 5-5 squads. Not wanting to make Cole and I's race the lone battle for a spot in the final four (coming Week 15), SNEEN MACHINE pulled off a major upset of Team ChowHounds thanks to Odell Beckham Jr.'s 25-point performance on Monday night. Considering 120 points is a down week for Scott's dad, it will still take a lot for 7-3 Moon's Microdongs to catch up to the 8-2 Hounds.

With the Falcons, Chargers and Broncos all on byes this week, the waiver wire is sure to be LIT as the #1 QB, #3 RB, #1 WR, #1 K and #1 DF in fantasy are all inactive this week. The scoring might not be that far down though as Carolina and New Orleans hold a Thursday night rematch of week 6's 41-38 shootout, the potent Steelers and Patriots offenses face the Browns and 49ers' defenses plus players like Doug Martin, Carlos Hyde, Thomas Rawls, Randall Cobb and yes, even Robert Griffin III all get healthier again while the Seahawks, Raiders and Giants look to continue hot streaks. Every week is crucial now in the WRBL as both division leaders face each other in another classic Aschebrook family reunion between 8-2 Team ChowHounds and 7-3 Bought Not Built. 5-5 TyRod Henke looks to increase their playoff odds by possibly upsetting 7-3 Moon's Microdongs and 4-6 SNEEN MACHINE continues to claw his way back into contention if he can take down 5-5 Fuck The Playoff System. If that wasn't enough to get you pumped up, just tune into Bears-Giants and see how Alec's team fucks over Alec's other team this week as 1-9 Team Moon goes against 3-7 Team Swanson! (I'm so sorry Alec. You're still 7-3 in the hypothetical standings at the bottom of this post). 

Scoring Leaders

QB

Aaron Rodgers 197 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Cam Newton 125 (ASCHEBROOK)

Ben Roethlisberger 119 (SWANSON)

Tom Brady 112 (TODD)

Drew Brees 105 (TODD)

Carson Palmer 103 (MOON)

Philip Rivers 86 (ZURAWSKI)

Russell Wilson 78 (SNEEN)

Matt Ryan 76 (ASCHEBROOK)

Dak Prescott 67 (WALTERS)

Matthew Stafford 65 (WALTERS)

Andrew Luck 57 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI)

Jameis Winston 57 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Blake Bortles 32 (WALTERS)

Eli Manning 29 (SNEEN)

Kirk Cousins 27 (ZURAWSKI)
Marcus Mariota 25 (SNEEN)

Andy Dalton 15 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Alex Smith 8 (ZURAWSKI)

RB

David Johnson 210 (ZURAWSKI)

Melvin Gordon 168 (WALTERS)

DeMarco Murray 168 (ASCHEBROOK)

Devonta Freeman 145 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Ezekiel Elliott 136 (MOON/ASCHEBROOK)

Le'Veon Bell 132 (ASCHEBROOK)

LeSean McCoy 127 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Lamar Miller 117 (SNEEN)

Todd Gurley 105 (TODD)

C.J. Anderson 96 (WALTERS)

Christine Michael 90 (SNEEN)

Matt Forte 89 (SWANSON)

Latavius Murray 86 (SWANSON)

Frank Gore 85 (ZURAWSKI)

Mark Ingram 67 (ASCHEBROOK)

Duke Johnson Jr. 64 (MOON)

DeAngelo Williams 64 (ASCHEBROOK)

Carlos Hyde 63 (SWANSON)

LeGarrette Blount 57 (SWANSON)

Theo Riddick 51 (SNEEN)

Spencer Ware 50 (TODD/SWANSON)

Jordan Howard 45 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Isaiah Crowell 40 (WALTERS)

Giovani Bernard 37 (SNEEN)

Devontae Booker 30 (TODD)

Jay Ajayi 29 (ZURAWSKI)

Jacquizz Rodgers 29 (TODD)

Ameer Abdullah 25 (TODD)

Charles Sims 25 (ZURAWSKI)
Danny Woodhead 25 (ZURAWSKI)

Eddie Lacy 24 (MOON)

Darren Sproles 23 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

James White 15 (ASCHEBROOK)

Tevin Coleman 14 (WALTERS)

Doug Martin 14 (WALTERS)

Ryan Mathews 14 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jamaal Charles 12 (TODD)
Ty Montgomery 11 (TODD)
Matt Asiata 9 (WALTERS)
DeAndre Washington 9 (TODD)

Charcandrick West 9 (ZURAWSKI)

Jeremy Langford 7 (WALTERS)

Jonathan Stewart 7 (MOON)

Adrian Peterson 6 (MOON)

Jerick McKinnon 5 (SNEEN)
Chris Ivory 2 (TODD)

WR

Julio Jones 197 (ASCHEBROOK)

Antonio Brown 190 (WALTERS)

Mike Evans 186 (ASCHEBROOK)

A.J. Green 167 (SWANSON)

Larry Fitzgerald 166 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Odell Beckham Jr. 161 (SNEEN)

Brandin Cooks 146 (WALTERS)

Demaryius Thomas 146 (MOON)

Amari Cooper 142 (MOON)

T.Y. Hilton 131 (ZURAWSKI)

Allen Robinson 130 (SWANSON)

Jordy Nelson 115 (TODD)

Jarvis Landry 113 (TODD)

DeAndre Hopkins 107 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Brandon Marshall 106 (ZURAWSKI)

Alshon Jeffery 89 (SWANSON)

Willie Snead 61 (SNEEN)

Dez Bryant 60 (SNEEN)

Marvin Jones 53 (MOON)

Mike Wallace 53 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Emmanuel Sanders 50 (TODD)

Doug Baldwin 43 (MOON)

Eric Decker 39 (SNEEN)

Kelvin Benjamin 37 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI)

Randall Cobb 37 (TODD/WALTERS)

Jordan Matthews 37 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Travis Benjamin 36 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jeremy Maclin 36 (ASCHEBROOK)

DeSean Jackson 34 (ZURAWSKI)

Terrelle Pryor 33 (TODD)

Michael Crabtree 31 (ASCHEBROOK)

Golden Tate 25 (WALTERS)

Michael Thomas 24 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Steve Smith Sr. 22 (SNEEN)

Donte Moncrief 19 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Julian Edelman 18 (WALTERS)
Tyrell Williams 18 (SWANSON)

Stefon Diggs 17 (TODD)
Davante Adams 14 (WALTERS)
Keenan Allen 12 (ZURAWSKI)

Sammy Watkins 12 (ZURAWSKI)

Corey Coleman 11 (MOON)

John Brown 10 (SNEEN)
Quincy Enunwa 3 (SWANSON)

Cameron Meredith 2 (TODD)

TE

Greg Olsen 138 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Delanie Walker 126 (TODD)

Travis Kelce 105 (WALTERS)

Jordan Reed 105 (SNEEN)

Rob Gronkowski 94 (ZURAWSKI)

Jimmy Graham 68 (ASCHEBROOK)

Hunter Henry 51 (TODD/MOON)

Martellus Bennett 50 (SWANSON)

Julius Thomas 49 (MOON)

Jason Witten 42 (ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS/SWANSON)

Coby Fleener 38 (SNEEN)

Antonio Gates 34 (ZURAWSKI)

Dennis Pitta 26 (ASCHEBROOK)

Eric Ebron 17 (SWANSON)

Zach Miller 14 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Tyler Eifert 12 (ASCHEBROOK)

Kyle Rudolph 10 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jared Cook 1 (ASCHEBROOK)

K

Adam Vinatieri 97 (ZURAWSKI)
Justin Tucker 96 (MOON/ASCHEBROOK)

Brandon McManus 91 (TODD)

Stephen Gostkowski 66 (SNEEN)

Mason Crosby 62 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Matt Bryant 48 (SWANSON)

Graham Gano 45 (SWANSON)

Dan Bailey 43 (WALTERS/SNEEN)

Matt Prater 43 (WALTERS)

Steven Hauschka 42 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Dustin Hopkins 34 (ASCHEBROOK)

Wil Lutz 16 (MOON)
Josh Lambo 7 (WALTERS)

DF

Denver Broncos 103 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Minnesota Vikings 83 (TODD)

Carolina Panthers 62 (SWANSON)

Baltimore Ravens 58 (MOON)

Arizona Cardinals 51 (ASCHEBROOK)

Houston Texans 49 (WALTERS/SNEEN)

Kansas City Chiefs 33 (MOON)

Cincinnati Bengals 32 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

Seattle Seahawks 28 (ASCHEBROOK)

Green Bay Packers 23 (SNEEN/WALTERS)

Philadelphia Eagles 21 (TODD)
New York Giants 20 (ZURAWSKI)

New England Patriots 18 (SNEEN)

Chicago Bears 17 (ZURAWSKI/WALTERS)
Miami Dolphins 13 (WALTERS)

New York Jets 12 (ZURAWSKI)

Dallas Cowboys 9 (SNEEN)

Tennessee Titans 6 (SWANSON)

Indianapolis Colts 2 (SNEEN)

Hypothetical Standings

Bought Not Built 8-2

Team ChowHounds 8-2

Team Swanson 7-3

Moon's Microdongs 5-5

Fuck The Playoff System 4-6

TyRod Henke 4-6

SNEEN MACHINE 3-7

Team Moon 1-9