WRBL Week 7 2015

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 7
Our 2nd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for Greg Hardy's attitude

Current Standings
O'Neal Division
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds (Father Aschebrook) 6-1 L1
Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness (Nick Zurawski) 5-2 W2
Sneen Machine (Tyler Sneen) 4-3 W1
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 3-4 W2
Bilbo Unable To Braggins (Scott Aschebrook) 2-5 W1

Barkley Division
Arian Foster's Achilles Heel (Alec Swanson) 4-3 L2
Spider 2 Y Banana (Andy Todd) 4-3 W1
Show Stoppers (Cole Walters) 3-4 L1
Team Silka (Alex Silka) 3-4 L3
Team Tiffany (Josh Tiffany) 1-6 L1

Week Seven Final Scores
TODD  150  ASCHEBROOK SR.  100
SNEEN  93  SILKA  45
ASCHEBROOK  136  SWANSON  114
MOON  127  WALTERS  102
ZURAWSKI  139  TIFFANY  132

Steve Mitchell - USA TODAY Sports
Hero of the Week: RB Lamar Miller (Bilbo Unable To Braggins)

Heroes of the Week: RB Lamar Miller (Aschebrook), RB Danny Woodhead (Tiffany), RB Todd Gurley (Todd)

Zeros of the Week: RB Isaiah Crowell (Silka), WR Torrey Smith (Silka), Owner Alex Silka (Silka)

Carlos Avila Gonzalez, The Chronicle
Zero of the Week: WR Torrey Smith (Team Silka)

Upcoming Week 8 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Bilbo Unable To Braggins v. Spider 2 Y Banana
Sneen Machine v. Team Tiffany
Team Moon v. Team Silka
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds v. Show Stoppers
Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness v. Arian Foster's Achilles Heel

BYE WEEK: Jacksonville Jaguars, Washington, Philadelphia Eagles, Buffalo Bills
Thursday Game: Miami @ New England 7:25 PM
Sunday: Detroit v. Kansas City (@ London) 8:30 AM
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta NOON
Arizona @ Cleveland NOON
San Francisco @ St. Louis NOON
NY Giants @ New Orleans NOON
Minnesota @ Chicago NOON
San Diego @ Baltimore NOON
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh NOON
Tennessee @ Houston NOON
NY Jets @ Oakland 3:05 PM
Seattle @ Dallas 3:25 PM
Green Bay @ Denver 7:30 PM

Monday: Indianapolis @ Carolina 7:30 PM

Bro...

The bye week blues have struck again. Three teams stacked with fantasy relevancy and Matt Forte/Alshon Jeffery had byes last week and the league's scoreboard showed quite a few unusual results as the final part of the bye week domino effect. Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds finally suffered their first loss at the hands of Spider 2 Y Banana and even though I scored 150 points and won by 50, I realize how lucky I was to have been scheduled against the best team in the league the week he does not have Aaron Rodgers, Matt Forte, Dion Lewis (injury), Emmanuel Sanders and underrated elite kicker Mason Crosby. I look forward to both teams being at full strength in our playoff match-up (Is that a guarantee!? uhhh... Sure). Team Silka and Team Moon both forgot to remove bye week players from their lineups but, Team Moon pulled off a Bro League first and won over the Show Stoppers despite starting 0-point RB Jeremy Hill. Team Silka did not suffer a similar fate whatsoever and put up a measly 45 points in a loss against Sneen Machine as a result of starting two legitimate zeros and two players on bye. 1-5 Scott became 2-5 Scott after upsetting Alec's team thanks to a ton of bye week players (A.J. Green, Demaryius Thomas, Brandon McManus, Tyler Eifert and Jeffery) and despite a 28-point performance from Arian Foster. Speaking of Foster, Alec renamed his squad "Arian Foster's Achilles Heel" after the Texans' one good player tore his Achilles, ending his season and putting Alec in a dark, emotional place. In the surprise game of the week, Team Tiffany put up a real, live battle against Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness thanks to Danny "PPR GOD" Woodhead but, still lost 132-139 because Nick knew what he was doing drafting players like Rob Gronkowski, Mark Ingram, Jarvis Landry, etc.. 

This week in the NFL, the Miami Campbells ended Houston's season in a second consecutive blowout thanks to Ryan Tannehill's four first-quarter touchdowns (cut to Scott going "Why now?!"). The London game was crazy and featured Blake "Joe Montana" Bortles throwing a game-winning touchdown despite a lackluster performance as a whole (cut to Scott's dad going "Why now?!"). Darren McFadden is back! and was quickly scooped up off waivers by Bilbo Unable To Braggins as he looks miles better than Joseph Randle and is unlikely to give that job back to Randle. In other RB news, Devonta Freeman finally chilled the fuck down and did a nice job (14 points) as opposed to the monstrous weeks he had been having. Also, Charcandrick West put up 20 points on my bench a week after Scott cut him for one bad game (only time will tell if this week or last was the fluke for Sharknado West). Not Charles Johnson (everyone's favorite sleeper), not Mike Wallace (the huge free-agent acquisiton), not Cordarrelle Patterson (the former first-rounder) and not even Jarius Wright (a serviceable vet) are the #1 Viking Wide Receiver as that role belongs to Maryland rookie Stefon Diggs (ANOTHER Scott waiver pick-up) and he appears to be the real deal. Lastly, the Lions fired Offensive Coordinator Joe Lombardi and will now hand the controls over to Jim Bob Cooter (best name ever) and this move will hopefully ignite Detroit's offensive weapons like Golden Tate, Ameer Abdullah or even Matthew Stafford so that any of them may become fantasy relevance.

Leon Halip/Getty Images
His real name is "James Robert Cooter" so remember, calling himself Jim Bob Cooter is a lifestyle choice that he has made.

This upcoming week gives us another annoying 8:30 AM CT London game between two awful teams (Detroit & Kansas City). It also gives us the first great Thursday Night game possibly ever between the Miami Campbells and New England Patriots. In other words, there will be around a dozen starters in this league already finished before Sunday's noon kickoffs. On byes this week are the Jaguars, LeSean McCoy, DeMarco Murray and that team full of nobodies so, adjust your lineups accordingly. Once again, there are only two three o'clock games and they aren't exactly inspiring (WHY ONLY TWO?). The Sunday night game is going to be must-watch television between two undefeated teams, Denver and Green Bay, and a whole bunch of fantasy relevant players including some major disappointments thus far like Peyton Manning, the Denver RB situation, Eddie Lacy and the revenge of Davante Adams. It should be a fun, competitive week and hopefully everyone adjusts their line-ups despite the fluky Team Moon win.

2015 Scoring Leaders

QB

Tom Brady 153 (TODD)

Aaron Rodgers 125 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Russell Wilson 107 (SILKA)

Matt Ryan 103 (SWANSON)

Philip Rivers 99 (MOON)

Andrew Luck 91 (ZURAWSKI)

Carson Palmer 74 (ASCHEBROOK)

Drew Brees 71 (SNEEN)

Peyton Manning 57 (TIFFANY)

Eli Manning 42 (WALTERS)

Tyrod Taylor 35 (ASCHEBROOK)

Cam Newton 32 (TIFFANY)

Blake Bortles 31 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Sam Bradford 27 (MOON)

Andy Dalton 23 (WALTERS)Ben Roethlisberger 23 (WALTERS)

Derek Carr 13 (ZURAWSKI)

Colin Kaepernick 13 (SNEEN)

Alex Smith 13 (ZURAWSKI)

Ryan Tannehill 11 (ASCHEBROOK)
Tony Romo 6 (WALTERS)

RB

Devonta Freeman 160 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Mark Ingram 119 (ZURAWSKI)

Danny Woodhead 116 (TIFFANY)

Matt Forte 105 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Le'Veon Bell 100 (ZURAWSKI)

Jamaal Charles 96 (ASCHEBROOK)

Justin Forsett 95 (SNEEN)

Chris Ivory 92 (WALTERS)

Adrian Peterson 89 (MOON)

Lamar Miller 85 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)

DeMarco Murray 85 (SNEEN)

Arian Foster 73 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)

Carlos Hyde 73 (TODD)

Doug Martin 67 (SWANSON)

LeSean McCoy 61 (WALTERS)

Jonathan Stewart 60 (TIFFANY)

Marshawn Lynch 58 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)

Latavius Murray 51 (MOON)

Todd Gurley 46 (TODD)

Jeremy Hill 36 (MOON)

C.J. Anderson 34 (TIFFANY)

Eddie Lacy 33 (SILKA)

T.J. Yeldon 33 (SNEEN)

DeAngelo Williams 30 (SILKA)

Giovani Bernard 29 (ZURAWSKI)

Frank Gore 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Dion Lewis 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Ameer Abdullah 26 (TODD)

Melvin Gordon 26 (WALTERS)

Isaiah Crowell 23 (SILKA)

Duke Johnson Jr. 22 (TODD)

Theo Riddick 21 (WALTERS)

Karlos Williams 16 (ASCHEBROOK)

Alfred Morris 14 (SILKA)

Joseph Randle 13 (ASCHEBROOK)

Chris Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)

Branden Oliver 12 (TODD)

Tevin Coleman 9 (ZURAWSKI)

David Johnson 6 (SILKA)

Darren Sproles 6 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Alfred Blue 5 (ZURAWSKI)

Lance Dunbar 5 (SWANSON)

Bishop Sankey 4 (WALTERS)

Darren McFadden 3 (ASCHEBROOK)

Rashad Jennings 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Matt Jones 1 (TODD)

WR

DeAndre Hopkins 164 (ZURAWSKI)

Julio Jones 164 (TODD)

Keenan Allen 143 (TIFFANY)

Antonio Brown 123 (SNEEN)

Julian Edelman 118 (SILKA)

Odell Beckham Jr. 115 (WALTERS)

Calvin Johnson 112 (SILKA)

Larry Fitzgerald 110 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)

Jarvis Landry 105 (ZURAWSKI)

Emmanuel Sanders 105 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

T.Y. Hilton 104 (WALTERS)

A.J. Green 103 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)

Demaryius Thomas 103 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)

Randall Cobb 87 (TODD)

Allen Robinson 82 (MOON)

Jordan Matthews 80 (SNEEN)

Steve Smith Sr. 64 (SNEEN)

John Brown 60 (MOON)

Donte Moncrief 58 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Brandon Marshall 51 (MOON)

Amari Cooper 46 (SWANSON)

Alshon Jeffery 40 (SWANSON)

Pierre Garcon 37 (ZURAWSKI)

Kendall Wright 35 (TODD)

Vincent Jackson 34 (ASCHEBROOK)

Brandin Cooks 33 (TODD)

Golden Tate 33 (ASCHEBROOK/ZURAWSKI)

Rishard Matthews 32 (ASCHEBROOK/TIFFANY)

Mike Evans 30 (MOON)

Malcom Floyd 26 (WALTERS)

Tyler Lockett 24 (SILKA)

Jeremy Maclin 23 (ASCHEBROOK)

Danny Amendola 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Stefon Diggs 22 (ASCHEBROOK)

Sammy Watkins 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Travis Benjamin 18 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)

Mike Wallace 18 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Davante Adams 17 (MOON)

James Jones 14 (TODD)

Eric Decker 13 (SNEEN)

Andre Johnson 11 (ZURAWSKI)

Tavon Austin 10 (TIFFANY)

Rueben Randle 8 (WALTERS)

Stevie Johnson 7 (ASCHEBROOK)

Brandon Coleman 6 (ASCHEBROOK)

Marques Colston 6 (TIFFANY)

Willie Snead 5 (SWANSON)

Charles Johnson 4 (MOON)

TE

Rob Gronkowski 121 (ZURAWSKI)

Tyler Eifert 96 (SWANSON)

Travis Kelce 91 (WALTERS)

Jimmy Graham 79 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jason Witten 78 (TIFFANY)

Martellus Bennett 72 (SNEEN)

Delanie Walker 62 (TODD)

Greg Olsen 52 (MOON)

Antonio Gates 48 (ASCHEBROOK)

Jordan Cameron 43 (SILKA)

Gary Barnidge 34 (TIFFANY)

Zach Ertz 30 (MOON)

Charles Clay 25 (TODD/SWANSON)

Dwayne Allen 10 (ASCHEBROOK)

Jared Cook 9 (TODD)

Benjamin Watson 9 (ASCHEBROOK)

Larry Donnell 8 (ZURAWSKI)

Kyle Rudolph 5 (ASCHEBROOK)

Austin Seferian-Jenkins 4 (ASCHEBROOK)

Julius Thomas 1 (SNEEN)

K

Stephen Gostkowski 79 (ASCHEBROOK)

Steven Hauschka 75 (TIFFANY)

Justin Tucker 62 (SNEEN)

Mason Crosby 51 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Matt Bryant 49 (WALTERS)

Brandon McManus 44 (SWANSON)

Dan Bailey 37 (MOON)

Chandler Catanzaro 36 (TODD)

Blair Walsh 32 (MOON)

Robbie Gould 21 (SILKA)

Matt Prater 19 (ZURAWSKI)

Cody Parkey 16 (SILKA)

Andrew Franks 14 (TODD)

Josh Brown 11 (ZURAWSKI)

Josh Lambo 9 (SWANSON)

Dustin Hopkins 7 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Dan Carpenter 5 (ASCHEBROOK)

Adam Vinatieri -1 (SWANSON)

DF

Denver Broncos 105 (SILKA)

Seattle Seahawks 72 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

St. Louis Rams 64 (SNEEN)

Carolina Panthers 57 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

New York Jets 52 (MOON/ZURAWSKI)

Buffalo Bills 41 (WALTERS)

Philadelphia Eagles 39 (TODD)

New England Patriots 36 (TIFFANY)

Kansas City Chiefs 28 (MOON)

Arizona Cardinals 23 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)

Atlanta Falcons 13 (SWANSON)

Houston Texans 12 (ASCHEBROOK)

Miami Dolphins 7 (TODD)

Indianapolis Colts 1 (ZURAWSKI)

Green Bay Packers -1 (TIFFANY)

Cleveland Browns -3 (ZURAWSKI)

Baltimore Ravens -4 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI/SNEEN)

Hypothetical Standings (If the 5 highest scoring teams were winners each week)

Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds 6-1

Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness 5-2

Arian Foster's Achilles Heel 5-2

Spider 2 Y Banana 4-3

Sneen Machine 4-3

Team Moon 4-3

Bilbo Unable To Braggins 2-5

Team Tiffany 2-5

Team Silka 2-5