WRBL Week 5 2015

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 5
Our 2nd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for Nancy Kerrigan screaming "WHYYYY!?"

Current Standings
Simon Division
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds (Father Aschebrook) 5-0 W5
Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness (Nick Zurawski) 3-2 L1
Sneen Machine (Tyler Sneen) 3-2 L1
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 1-4 L4
Bilbo Unable To Braggins (Scott Aschebrook) 1-4 W1

Garfunkel Division
Harder Better Foster Stronger (Alec Swanson) 4-1 W4
Spider 2 Y Banana (Andy Todd) 3-2 W1
Team Silka (Alex Silka) 3-2 L1
Show Stoppers (Cole Walters) 2-3 W1
Team Tiffany (Josh Tiffany) 0-5 L5

Week Five Final Scores
ASCHEBROOK SR.  133  SNEEN  118
ASCHEBROOK  133  ZURAWSKI  106
WALTERS  122  SILKA  83

SWANSON  147  MOON  109

TODD  109  TIFFANY  75

Jeff Gross/Getty Images
Hero of the Week: TE Antonio Gates (Bilbo Unable To Braggins)

Heroes of the Week: RB Doug Martin (Swanson), RB Devonta Freeman (Aschebrook Sr.), TE Antonio Gates (Aschebrook)

Zeros of the Week: TE Owen Daniels (Silka), WR Percy Harvin (Walters), DF Ravens (Zurawski)

AP Photo/Jack Dempsey
Zero of the Week: TE Owen Daniels (Team Silka)
"I'm super creepy Team Silka Owen Daniels and I have cable"

Upcoming Week 5 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Team Moon v. Spider 2 Y Banana
Bilbo Unable To Braggins v. Team Tiffany
Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness v. Team Silka
Sneen Machine v. Show Stoppers
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds v. Harder Better Foster Stronger

BYE WEEK: Dallas Cowboys, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, St. Louis Rams, Oakland Raiders
Thursday Game: Atlanta @ New Orleans 7:25 PM
Sunday: Washington @ NY Jets NOON
Arizona @ Pittsburgh NOON
Kansas City @ Minnesota NOON
Cincinnati @ Buffalo NOON
Chicago @ Detroit NOON
Denver @ Cleveland NOON
Houston @ Jacksonville NOON
Miami @ Tennessee NOON
Carolina @ Seattle 3:05 PM
San Diego @ Green Bay 3:25 PM
Baltimore @ San Francisco 3:25 PM
New England @ Indianapolis 7:30 PM
Monday: NY Giants @ Philadelphia 7:30 PM

Bro...

In this week's version of "What the hell is going on?!", Josh McCown (Free Agent) threw for 457 yards and 35 fantasy points, Blake Bortles (Free Agent) threw for four touchdowns and is now the #7 QB in fantasy and Andy Dalton (Free Agent before waiver period) did enough to be the new #1 Quarterback in fantasy. Sad news struck the NFL when Jamaal Charles tore his ACL just as Scott was finally clinching his first win of the year and now, he'll rely on an iffy Marshawn Lynch, an underwhelming (so far) Lamar Miller, an unproven commodity in Charcandrick West and not DeMarco Murray but Joseph Randle. Scott is surely fielding offers for RBs this week, but there is still potential for brighter results there. In even more unpredictable results after five weeks, Travis Benjamin is a top-10 WR, Tyler Eifert and Gary Barnidge are top-3 TEs and the only back-to-back-to-back Hero of the week? presumed Falcons backup RB Devonta Freeman. Again, what the hell is going on?!

Running Backs are consistent as they are always inconsistent in scoring unless their names are Mark Ingram, Le'Veon Bell, Matt Forte or PPR God Danny Woodhead. Everybody seems to be throwing darts on a weekly basis and hoping and praying that one of them lands. For instance, I have four rookie Running Backs (Gurley, Abdullah, Matt Jones & Duke Johnson Jr.) and while Gurley has proven himself a week-to-week starter, I'm still looking for one of those three other rookies or Carlos Hyde to start playing like a consistent, hopefully top-15 RB if I want a chance at actually winning this league. I overthought this so hard that I offered a trade of Charles Clay for another rookie Running Back. In a world where Karlos Williams is fantasy relevant, who is safe?

Picture of myself contemplating lineup changes with all of these rookie Running Backs

We are now down to one undefeated team and one only-defeated team as Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds have won five out of his first five games in the Bro League, while Team Tiffany made a bizarre trade (prompting a collusion rumor that was quickly squashed), didn't start anybody involved in the deal and failed to break eighty points for the third time this season and lost his fifth consecutive match-up. At least Josh showed some signs of awareness and a pulse this week. Another name change might not have made any difference on Scott's Bilbo Unable To Braggins team but, he did walk away with the big upset victory of the weekend over Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness. In another surprising result, Cole's 1-3 Show Stoppers took down 3-1 Team Silka by an impressive 39-point deficit. Alec also won his game over Team Moon in impressive fashion by putting up an eye-popping 147 on the 1-4 Team Moon thanks to the Muscle Hamster, Doug Martin, making a comeback to fantasy relevancy. First and last place may be far apart but, everyone else feels too close for comfort and nothing is decided after five weeks.

Trades made before Week 5: Scott traded RB Arian Foster, RB Karlos Williams & WR Travis Benjamin to Alec for RB Lamar Miller, WR Jeremy Maclin & WR Larry Fitzgerald.

Scott also traded WR Rishard Matthews & TE Gary Barnidge to Josh for RB Joseph Randle & TE Antonio Gates.

2015 Scoring Leaders
QB
Aaron Rodgers 106 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tom Brady 102 (TODD)
Russell Wilson 78 (SILKA)
Matt Ryan 75 (SWANSON)
Peyton Manning 57 (TIFFANY)
Philip Rivers 46 (MOON)
Drew Brees 43 (SNEEN)
Andrew Luck 41 (ZURAWSKI)
Carson Palmer 39 (ASCHEBROOK)
Tyrod Taylor 35 (ASCHEBROOK)
Eli Manning 28 (WALTERS)
Sam Bradford 27 (MOON)
Ben Roethlisberger 23 (WALTERS)
Blake Bortles 18 (TODD)
Andy Dalton 17 (WALTERS)
Derek Carr 13 (ZURAWSKI)
Colin Kaepernick 13 (SNEEN)
Alex Smith 13 (ZURAWSKI)
Ryan Tannehill 11 (ASCHEBROOK)
Tony Romo 6 (WALTERS)

RB
Devonta Freeman 111 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jamaal Charles 96 (ASCHEBROOK)
Matt Forte 86 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Mark Ingram 77 (ZURAWSKI)
Le'Veon Bell 75 (ZURAWSKI)
Danny Woodhead 73 (TIFFANY)
Adrian Peterson 69 (MOON)
Justin Forsett 67 (SNEEN)
Carlos Hyde 66 (TODD)
DeMarco Murray 57 (SNEEN)
Chris Ivory 51 (WALTERS)
Latavius Murray 51 (MOON)
Doug Martin 49 (SWANSON)
LeSean McCoy 33 (WALTERS)
T.J. Yeldon 33 (SNEEN)
Eddie Lacy 30 (SILKA)
DeAngelo Williams 30 (SILKA)
Marshawn Lynch 28 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Lamar Miller 28 (SWANSON)
Jonathan Stewart 28 (TIFFANY)
Ameer Abdullah 26 (TODD)
Melvin Gordon 26 (WALTERS)
C.J. Anderson 24 (TIFFANY)
Arian Foster 24 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Jeremy Hill 23 (MOON)
Dion Lewis 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Theo Riddick 21 (WALTERS)
Isaiah Crowell 18 (SILKA)
Frank Gore 16 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Karlos Williams 16 (ASCHEBROOK)
Giovani Bernard 15 (ZURAWSKI)
Todd Gurley 15 (TODD)
Alfred Morris 13 (SILKA)
Joseph Randle 11 (ASCHEBROOK)
Tevin Coleman 9 (ZURAWSKI)
Chris Johnson 7 (ASCHEBROOK)
David Johnson 6 (SILKA)
Darren Sproles 6 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Alfred Blue 5 (ZURAWSKI)
Lance Dunbar 5 (SWANSON)
Bishop Sankey 4 (WALTERS)
Darren McFadden 3 (ASCHEBROOK)
Matt Jones 1 (TODD)

WR
Julio Jones 125 (TODD)
DeAndre Hopkins 117 (ZURAWSKI)
Antonio Brown 100 (SNEEN)
Keenan Allen 97 (TIFFANY)
A.J. Green 96 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Julian Edelman 91 (SILKA)
Odell Beckham Jr. 89 (WALTERS)
Larry Fitzgerald 87 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Emmanuel Sanders 85 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Randall Cobb 82 (TODD)
Demaryius Thomas 82 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Jordan Matthews 67 (SNEEN)
Calvin Johnson 65 (SILKA)
Jarvis Landry 65 (ZURAWSKI)
T.Y. Hilton 54 (WALTERS)
Steve Smith Sr. 52 (SNEEN)
Allen Robinson 41 (MOON)
Pierre Garcon 37 (ZURAWSKI)
Vincent Jackson 34 (ASCHEBROOK)
Mike Evans 30 (MOON)
Golden Tate 30 (ASCHEBROOK)
Kendall Wright 28 (TODD)
Donte Moncrief 27 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Malcom Floyd 26 (WALTERS)
Tyler Lockett 24 (SILKA)
Amari Cooper 22 (SWANSON)
Sammy Watkins 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Brandin Cooks 19 (TODD)
Brandon Marshall 19 (MOON)
Mike Wallace 18 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Davante Adams 17 (MOON)
John Brown 17 (MOON)
Jeremy Maclin 16 (ASCHEBROOK)
James Jones 14 (TODD)
Travis Benjamin 12 (ASCHEBROOK)
Alshon Jeffery 12 (SWANSON)
Andre Johnson 11 (ZURAWSKI)
Tavon Austin 10 (TIFFANY)
Stevie Johnson 7 (ASCHEBROOK)
Brandon Coleman 6 (ASCHEBROOK)
Marques Colston 6 (TIFFANY)
Charles Johnson 4 (MOON)
Rishard Matthews 2 (ASCHEBROOK)

TE
Tyler Eifert 83 (SWANSON)
Rob Gronkowski 80 (ZURAWSKI)
Travis Kelce 66 (WALTERS)
Jason Witten 65 (TIFFANY)
Martellus Bennett 61 (SNEEN)
Jimmy Graham 52 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Greg Olsen 52 (MOON)
Delanie Walker 33 (TODD)
Antonio Gates 30 (ASCHEBROOK)
Jordan Cameron 27 (SILKA)
Charles Clay 20 (TODD)
Zach Ertz 11 (MOON)
Dwayne Allen 10 (ASCHEBROOK)
Jared Cook 9 (TODD)
Larry Donnell 8 (ZURAWSKI)
Kyle Rudolph 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Austin Seferian-Jenkins 4 (ASCHEBROOK)

K
Stephen Gostkowski 55 (ASCHEBROOK)
Steven Hauschka 51 (TIFFANY)
Justin Tucker 50 (SNEEN)
Matt Bryant 43 (WALTERS)
Mason Crosby 42 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dan Bailey 37 (MOON)
Brandon McManus 31 (SWANSON)
Chandler Catanzaro 23 (TODD)
Matt Prater 19 (ZURAWSKI)
Cody Parkey 16 (SILKA)
Andrew Franks 14 (TODD)
Robbie Gould 7 (SILKA)
Dan Carpenter 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Adam Vinatieri -1 (SWANSON)

DF
Denver Broncos 87 (SILKA)
Seattle Seahawks 53 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Carolina Panthers 45 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)
New York Jets 44 (MOON)
St. Louis Rams 43 (SNEEN)
New England Patriots 33 (TIFFANY)
Buffalo Bills 32 (WALTERS)
Arizona Cardinals 13 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Atlanta Falcons 13 (SWANSON)
Philadelphia Eagles 13 (TODD)
Houston Texans 12 (ASCHEBROOK)
Kansas City Chiefs 10 (MOON)
Miami Dolphins 7 (TODD)
Indianapolis Colts 1 (ZURAWSKI)
Cleveland Browns -3 (ZURAWSKI)
Baltimore Ravens -6 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI)

Hypothetical Standings (If the 5 highest scoring teams were winners each week)
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds 5-0

Harder Better Foster Stronger 4-1

Sneen Machine 4-1

Spider 2 Y Banana 3-2

Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness 3-2

Team Silka 2-3

Team Moon 2-3

Bilbo Unable To Braggins 1-4

Team Tiffany 0-5