WRBL Week 9, 2020

 Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week Nine

Our Sixth Official Season of blaming Cole Walters for my cat expecting food any time I suddenly move.

Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks & [Seasonal Point Totals]) 

Steven Nett Division

Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 6-3 W2 [1,263.74]

Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 5-4 L2 [1,145.56]

Rise From The Asch3s (Scott Aschebrook) 2-6-1 W1 [1.037.32]

Shooter McGavin Division

Christy Fichtner All-Stars (Andy Todd) 6-3 W2 [1,165.88]

The Golladay Inn (Ryan Dougherty) 5-4 L1 [1,173.16]

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 5-4 W1 [1,125.76]

Tanner Glaza Division

Team Hoefs (Nathaniel Hoefs) 4-5 L2 [1,174.78]

SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 4-5 W2 [1,110.84]

Free Chiquita (Nick Zurawski) 4-5 L2 [1,089.88]

Week Nine Final Scores

SNEEN defeats COLE 133.56-119.42

ANDY defeats HOEFS 147.98-122.14

ALEC defeats NICK 103.1-83.0

DARRIN defeats RYAN 117.86-97.9

SCOTT defeats BYE 126.5-0

Heroes of the Week: RB Dalvin Cook (39.2), QB Kyler Murray (37.92), RB Christian McCaffrey (37.1)

Michael Chow

Hero of the Week: QB Kyler Murray (Colieveland 96ers)

Waiver Wonders: WR Richie James (33.4), QB Drew Lock (29.22), WR Jakobi Meyers (28.9)

Waiver Wonder: WR Richie James (9 catches, 184 yards, 1 TD)

What-if of the Week: If the Robby Anderson (15.3) trade from Cole to Sneen never happened and Sneen started Leviska Shenault (0.9), Cole would have beaten Sneen with Anderson in his lineup.

Upcoming Week 10 Match-ups

NOTE: NFL Schedule subject to change due to ongoing COVID-19 cases rising and possible postponements. Look it up on your own time.
Darrin v. Hoefs

Nick v. Alec

Sneen v. Andy

Cole v. Scott

Ryan v. BYE

Bro...

Hello friends, in case NFL viewership wasn't down enough and there weren't enough non-football things to distract us from this season's shenanigans and Shanahanigans, the Masters Tournament is here! in November! The azaleas are not in bloom and Sergio Garcia isn't out there to spit in holes but, it's still pretty damn refreshing to have golf on the tube while we should all be staying indoors. Besides, it might be super pretty at Augusta, Georgia but trust me... it's ugly outside. Either overcast, 30 degrees, sleeting or some combo of the three have me missing the Summer that never happened. At the same time, the holiday season is right around the corner and with the Masters being two weekends prior to Thanksgiving, this feels like an extension onto the "holiday season". Maybe that's due to the continued shameless pushing by retail companies for "great deals" getting pushed sooner due to the necessary absence of packed stores or maybe it's just a vibe that we're all looking for something super positive to grasp on to while society collapses (I mean... TIM DUNCAN JUST LEFT THE SPURS??? What kind of world are we returning to sometime in late 2021?!). 

Gregory Shamus, Getty Images

US Open Champion Bryson DeChambeau looks like he could play Tight End better than Rob Gronkowski right now.

There are two races that everyone in the nation is discussing now that the presidential one is over, the NFC Least and the inaugural season of the Tanner Glaza Division. Originally, Nathaniel Hoefs was putting up surprising success for a rookie with a quarterback on a disappointingly terrible NFL team (DeShaun Watson), Nick was succeeding with his big brain activating ultra fantasy football brain mode and Sneen was Sneening his way into the MoonBakSacko battle for last. Instead, Hoefs has suffered from unfortunate scheduling (4-3 in the Hypothetical WRBL, 4-5 in reality), Nick is furious at Lamar Jackson as everybody hit the medical blue tent this weekend for a Free Chiquita team that's going to have to pay big to find replacements from other rosters as free agency dries up and Sneen is Sneening his way into the playoffs. The usage of Sneening as a verb is up for grabs this season. Other words in the WRBL dictionary include

"96ing"; coming from behind by a wide margin for victory. Ex: Don't let this bit distract you from Cole Walters 96ing Darrin Aschebrook in the championship in 2016.

"Bortle"; over 10+ fantasy points coming from a losing player in a game that is well past reasonably competitive status (14+ point deficit). Ex: Man, Richie James really threw together a quality Bortle the other night when the Packers destroyed the reserve 49ers.

"Scott eeeem"; exclaimed loudly by a fantasy owner seen to have been the overwhelming victor in an accepted trade offer. Ex: Mike Davis for Justin Tucker would have been a "Scott eeeem" moment for Scott had he accepted my trade offer before Christian McCaffery definitely injured his shoulder whether the all-pro RB comes back quickly or doesn't.

Every team in the Tanner Glaza Division is now 4-5 with Nick Zurawski falling into last place after a pregame injury forced Justin Jackson into a shocking zero snap performance while David Johnson got concussed (and is likely out this week), Raheem Mostert, George Kittle and Calvin Ridley all were inactive and just to make things worse, it's likely Kareem Hunt will lose touches with Nick Chubb coming off IR and returning to his role as RB1 in Cleveland in the coming weeks. The road ahead is tough and not at all neatly paved for Free Chiquita. He'll have to earn his playoff spot through waivers in all likelihood (something entirely doable as proven by former playoff studs Breshad Perriman, Bilal Powell and Saints' legend Tim Hightower). Alec moves into a two-way tie for 2nd in the much more competitive Shooter McGavin Division at 5-4 with the win over Nick. Much like Dalvin Cook, Sneen Machine has picked up steam and begun to gleam with his steamy team that I'll be meanly screaming at well past sunlight's dim it would seem. The esteemed and much-meemed Cole Walters knows all about mean screams at teams as he dreams of a scene where Sneen Machine does not gleam in the stream of points or potential green (money) as Sneen says "Scott eeeem". Colieveland's deal of Robby Anderson for Phillip Lindsay back on September 30th as it quite possibly could have single-handedly swung their matchup this week when Anderson dropped 15.3 for Sneen while Cole only got 6.9 (would be nice without the period interrupting things) from his FLEX WR Cole Beasley in a closely-knit battle that moves Cole a game back in his division.

Robby Anderson, watching Nick Foles on the jumboscreen.

The ChowHounds' lead over Cole in the Steven Nett division was extended from just a point advantage to now a full game advantage with Cole's loss and a sub-100 point performance out of The Golladay Inn. Russell Wilson never turns the ball over and that was the difference between a respectable showing and the 4-turnover garbage output that was Ryan's lineup this week. It happens to the best of us sometimes as anything can happen on Any Given Sunday starring Jamie Foxx. Speaking of the neverending worry that there are no quarterbacks worth a damn in fantasy this season, Kyler Murray is now the chosen one and the 96ers' logo going forward thanks to a Hero of the Week showing in Cole's unfortunate loss while QB1 in the WRBL, Patrick Mahomes has re-entered the lead for the NFL's MVP race. This week, Mahomes was playing like he knew the exact scenarios necessary for the Christy Fichtner All-Stars to avoid losing to Team Hoefs. Hoefs was trying the "Sometimes the best defense is a good offense" strategy... or maybe it was the "If you can't beat him, join him" strategy? of having Mahomes' two favorite targets (WR Tyreek Hill & TE Travis Kelce) as his defense against my Chiefs quarterback and with Kelce going over the century mark in yardage while Hill caught two touchdowns, one can be forgiven for assuming this would end up being a bleak outcome for my team. ALAS, there is a reason I own the man's jersey and am now in the market for a new bobblehead because he came through and pulled another 30-point showing out of his never-ending ketchup bottle and delivered two more non-Nathaniel scores to DeMarcus Robinson and MeCole Hardman. Yes, I received tons of help from Keenan Allen, Jonnu Smith and James Robinson among others but Mahomes was my one big takeaway from this week because he's playing Madden on the Rookie Level again.

Jamie Squire, Getty Images

They may not have all the pieces yet but, good luck convincing Kansas City that the Chiefs can't win back-to-back Super Bowls with these guys.

As of the date of publication, we have a Titans-Colts AFC South dogfight for Thursday Night Football. The Colts' defense is one of the best in the league and the Titans activated their #1 corner Adoree' Jackson off of IR so, this is actually a HUGE game. Sunday somehow only has FIVE noon games (The Masters will be on CBS) with the highlight probably being however Tampa Bay rebounds from their downright embarrassing loss to New Orleans with a nicer matchup against an again McCaffrey-less Panther squad. There will be SIX late-afternoon games (SERIOUSLY, THIS NEEDS TO BE THE SCHEDULE EVERY WEEK) with Bills-Cardinals as a hilariously possible Super Bowl preview and Seahawks-Rams in the battle for NFC West supremacy. The Sunday (Ravens-Patriots) and Monday (Vikings-Bears) nighters are lowkey terrible and the real highlight of this week's NFL scheduling are those that will not be playing... 

Atlanta Falcons - Matt Ryan (Sneen), Todd Gurley (Darrin), Calvin Ridley (Nick), Julio Jones (Sneen), Hayden Hurst (Alec)

Kansas City Chiefs - Patrick Mahomes (Andy), Clyde Edwards-Helaire (Scott), Tyreek Hill (Hoefs), Travis Kelce (Hoefs), Harrison Butker (Sneen)

Dallas Cowboys - Ezekiel Elliott (Alec), Amari Cooper (Scott), Greg Zuerlein (Darrin)

New York Jets - Jamison Crowder (Ryan)

Big week for the waiver wire and I apologize in advance for not giving Tua the green light despite early success as Goff vs. Seattle was just too juicy to pass up. Don't let the 6-3 record and bold trade moves fool you all, I am a coward that needs every win over Sneen I can get.

2020 WRBL Scoring Leaders

QB

Patrick Mahomes 238.58 (Andy)

Russell Wilson 228.14 (Ryan)

DeShaun Watson 178.74 (Hoefs)

Matt Ryan 172.64 (Sneen)

Lamar Jackson 159.42 (Nick)

Kyler Murray 157.78 (Cole)

Tom Brady 121.02 (Darrin)

Aaron Rodgers 101.76 (Scott)

Dak Prescott 95.84 (Scott)

Joe Burrow 95.20 (Alec)

Josh Allen 82.38 (Cole)

Ben Roethlisberger 44.96 (Alec)

Matthew Stafford 30.72 (Darrin)

Carson Wentz 27.76 (Nick)

Derek Carr 26.54 (Hoefs/Alec)

Gardner Minshew 18.12 (Ryan)

RB

Alvin Kamara 211.6 (Darrin)

Dalvin Cook 201.1 (Sneen)

Derrick Henry 150.4 (Cole)

Ezekiel Elliott 138.1 (Alec)

Todd Gurley 135.3 (Darrin)

Aaron Jones 127.9 (Ryan)

Josh Jacobs 124.3 (Scott)

James Robinson 118.5 (Andy)

Clyde Edwards-Helaire 114.6 (Scott)

James Conner 114.3 (Hoefs)

Chris Carson 105.0 (Ryan)

Ronald Jones 93.1 (Hoefs)

Christian McCaffrey 90.3 (Scott)

David Johnson 81.0 (Nick)

Mike Davis 80.8 (Andy)

Melvin Gordon 77.6 (Darrin)

Jonathan Taylor 70.5 (Alec)

Kareem Hunt 68.9 (Nick)

Austin Ekeler 64.2 (Andy)

David Montgomery 62.2 (Sneen)

Myles Gaskin 60.4 (Cole)

Miles Sanders 60.4 (Alec)

Nick Chubb 60.2 (Sneen)

Jerick McKinnon 57.6 (Hoefs/Scott/Cole)

Joe Mixon 57.5 (Andy/Ryan)

Antonio Gibson 50.9 (Andy)

Giovani Bernard 43.4 (Ryan)

Kenyan Drake 38.4 (Nick)

J.D. McKissic 31.6 (Scott/Ryan)

Darrell Henderson 31.0 (Darrin)

Justin Jackson 27.7 (Nick)

Raheem Mostert 24.5 (Nick)

Jamaal Williams 21.4 (Cole)

Boston Scott 17.3 (Cole)

Saquon Barkley 15.4 (Nick)

Le'Veon Bell 15.4 (Andy)

Adrian Peterson 12.8 (Darrin)

DeeJay Dallas 11.9 (Alec)

Chase Edmonds 11.8 (Scott)

Malcolm Brown 10.6 (Cole)

Joshua Kelley 10.3 (Sneen)

James White 8.2 (Hoefs)

Jordan Howard 7.9 (Nick)

J.K. Dobbins 7.1 (Cole)

D'Andre Swift 5.3 (Nick)

Alexander Mattison 4.0 (Sneen)

Jeff Wilson Jr. 2.9 (Scott)

Tevin Coleman 2.0 (Ryan)

WR

Tyreek Hill 175.2 (Hoefs)

Davante Adams 168.5 (Darrin)

Tyler Lockett 156.5 (Alec)

DeAndre Hopkins 150.1 (Cole)

Keenan Allen 149.1 (Andy)

Calvin Ridley 148.1 (Nick)

Allen Robinson 146.1 (Alec)

Stefon Diggs 133.0 (Sneen)

Adam Thielen 130.5 (Darrin)

DK Metcalf 129.1 (Darrin)

Julio Jones 124.8 (Sneen)

D.J. Moore 117.0 (Hoefs)

Mike Evans 112.5 (Ryan)

Amari Cooper 109.0 (Scott)

Robby Anderson 105.5 (Cole/Sneen)

Robert Woods 102.7 (Nick)

Will Fuller 96.4 (Nick)

Cooper Kupp 90.5 (Andy)

A.J. Brown 82.4 (Andy)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 66.7 (Sneen/Scott)

Chris Godwin 64.9 (Cole)

Terry McLaurin 63.2 (Alec)

Jamison Crowder 61.9 (Ryan)

DeVante Parker 52.4 (Cole)

Diontae Johnson 48.7 (Ryan/Andy)

Kenny Golladay 48.1 (Ryan)

Odell Beckham Jr. 45.42 (Scott)

Marvin Jones 45.1 (Hoefs)

Tyler Boyd 44.2 (Scott)

Justin Jefferson 39.6 (Alec)

Jerry Jeudy 36.0 (Ryan/Cole)

Darius Slayton 35.0 (Ryan)

Cole Beasley 34.8 (Cole)

Tee Higgins 33.2 (Cole)

Travis Fulgham 32.1 (Hoefs)

Corey Davis 26.8 (Ryan)

Marquise Brown 25.8 (Alec)

Allen Lazard 25.7 (Cole)

CeeDee Lamb 25.0 (Scott)

Brandin Cooks 21.8 (Hoefs)

Chase Claypool 16.1 (Scott)

Michael Thomas 14.8 (Ryan)

Sterling Shepard 11.7 (Nick)

Tre'Quan Smith 9.4 (Ryan)

T.Y. Hilton 9.3 (Scott)

Jarvis Landry 9.2 (Cole)

Antonio Brown 6.1 (Scott)

A.J. Green 5.9 (Andy)

Julian Edelman 4.2 (Sneen)

Emmanuel Sanders 2.8 (Sneen)

TE

Travis Kelce 168.9 (Hoefs)

Darren Waller 111.4 (Ryan)

George Kittle 98.1 (Nick)

Hayden Hurst 96.1 (Alec)

Mark Andrews 85.7 (Darrin)

Jonnu Smith 76.8 (Andy)

Noah Fant 63.2 (Cole)

Hunter Henry 48.1 (Sneen)

Zach Ertz 42.5 (Scott)

Tyler Higbee 36.4 (Nick)

Evan Engram 29.9 (Sneen)

T.J. Hockenson 27.1 (Cole/Darrin)

Robert Tonyan 25.1 (Scott)

Eric Ebron 14.1 (Ryan/Nick)

Greg Olsen 3.0 (Cole)

Blake Jarwin 2.2 (Andy)

Chris Herndon 2.1 (Andy)

K

Wil Lutz 81 (Hoefs)

Harrison Butker 77 (Sneen)

Rodrigo Blankenship 74 (Andy)

Justin Tucker 74 (Scott)

Greg Zuerlein 74 (Darrin)

Chris Boswell 62 (Nick/Alec)

Mason Crosby 57 (Cole)

Jake Elliott 32 (Ryan)

Matt Prater 30 (Alec)

Daniel Carlson 25 (Nick)

Randy Bullock 20 (Cole/Scott)

Graham Gano 11 (Ryan)

Joey Slye 11 (Ryan)

Robbie Gould 7 (Nick)

Jason Sanders 6 (Nick)

Stephen Gostkowski 2 (Hoefs)

Younghoe Koo 2 (Andy)

Ka'imi Fairbairn 1 (Cole)

DF

Baltimore Ravens 84 (Alec/Andy)

Indianapolis Colts 60 (Andy/Ryan)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 54 (Andy/Ryan)

Chicago Bears 47 (Scott)

Los Angeles Rams 47 (Hoefs/Nick/Darrin)

Pittsburgh Steelers 45 (Hoefs)

San Francisco 49ers 39 (Sneen)

Philadelphia Eagles 35 (Nick/Cole)

Buffalo Bills 34 (Darrin/Hoefs)

Arizona Cardinals 31 (Nick/Cole)

Kansas City Chiefs 28 (Cole/Alec)

New England Patriots 22 (Ryan/Andy/Darrin)

Los Angeles Chargers 18 (Cole/Scott/Andy)

Cleveland Browns 13 (Nick)

Miami Dolphins 12 (Nick)

Washington Football Team 10 (Hoefs/Nick)

New York Jets 8 (Nick)

Denver Broncos 6 (Cole)

New Orleans Saints 5 (Ryan/Darrin)

Atlanta Falcons 2 (Cole)

Dallas Cowboys 1 (Nick)

Houston Texans 1 (Cole)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, 5th = BYE)

Team ChowHounds 6-3

Team Hoefs 5-3

The Golladay Inn 4-3

Christy Fichtner All-Stars 4-4

Colieveland 96ers 4-4

Free Chiquita 4-4

Tax Paying Homeowner 3-4

Rise From The Asch3s 3-5

SNEEN MACHINE 3-6