Week 9
Our 4th official season of blaming Cole Walters for Florida Man's existence.
Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 6-3 L1
grumble grumble grumble grumble (Scott Aschebrook) 6-3 W3
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 5-4 L1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 4-5 W1
Shooter McGavin Division
Perfectly Balanced (Nick Zurawski) 6-3 W4
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 5-4 L3
Crazy Todd's Driveway Band (Andy Todd) 3-6 W1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 1-8 L3
grumble grumble grumble grumble (Scott Aschebrook) 6-3 W3
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 5-4 L1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 4-5 W1
Shooter McGavin Division
Perfectly Balanced (Nick Zurawski) 6-3 W4
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 5-4 L3
Crazy Todd's Driveway Band (Andy Todd) 3-6 W1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 1-8 L3
Week Nine Final Scores
DARRIN 161 RYAN 148ANDY 159 COLE 137
SCOTT 112 ALEC 87
NICK 150 SNEEN 97
Heroes of the Week: WR Michael Thomas (Ryan), RB Alvin Kamara (Darrin), RB Kareem Hunt (Andy)
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| Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports Hero of the Week: WR Michael Thomas (Team Easy Breesy) |
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| Streeter Lecka/Getty Images Waiver Wonder: WR Adam Humphries (8 catches, 82 yards, 2 TDs) |
Zeroes of the Week: Owner Tyler Sneen, DF Los Angeles Rams (grumble grumble grumble grumble)
Upcoming Week 10 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Nick vs. Ryan
Scott vs. Cole
Andy vs. Alec
Darrin vs. Sneen
Scott vs. Cole
Andy vs. Alec
Darrin vs. Sneen
Thursday: Carolina @ Pittsburgh 7:20 PM
Sunday: Detroit @ Chicago NOON
New Orleans @ Cincinnati NOON
Atlanta @ Cleveland NOON
New England @ Tennessee NOON
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis NOON
Arizona @ Kansas City NOON
Buffalo @ NY Jets NOON
Washington @ Tampa Bay NOON
LA Chargers @ Oakland 3:05 PM
Miami @ Green Bay 3:25 PM
Seattle @ LA Rams 3:25 PM
Dallas @ Philadelphia 7:20 PM
New Orleans @ Cincinnati NOON
Atlanta @ Cleveland NOON
New England @ Tennessee NOON
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis NOON
Arizona @ Kansas City NOON
Buffalo @ NY Jets NOON
Washington @ Tampa Bay NOON
LA Chargers @ Oakland 3:05 PM
Miami @ Green Bay 3:25 PM
Seattle @ LA Rams 3:25 PM
Dallas @ Philadelphia 7:20 PM
Monday: NY Giants @ San Francisco 7:15 PM
Bye Weeks: Minnesota, Houston, Denver, Baltimore
Bro...
Welcome to Nonsense week! I am your captain, Crazy Todd and while I approve of some of the fantasy players that went off this week, I do not automatically approve of all the names ticketed this weekend for playing at higher, more productive speeds. Sure, players like Adam Humphries and Jeff Heuerman going OFF didn't hurt anyone since they are still free agents in the WRBL even after this week's waiver waiting period has passed but, the sudden breakthroughs for the Viking, Bear and Dolphin defenses was an anomaly unlike any other week we've seen so far over 4 official seasons. Just because Nathan Peterman, Sam Darnold and Matthew Stafford were all what the Spanish would call "el terrible" this week, that doesn't mean that those three defenses will play against the same incompetence from here on out and trust me on incompetence, I work with plenty of it on a day-to-day basis (I'll be here all week!... or maybe not. I'm pretty ready to quit). Three defenses stockpiled 20 or more points and two of them were the deciding factors in WRBL wins so, don't let anybody tell you that defenses don't matter in fantasy football. Whether or not they should is still up for debate (Personally, I believe that gameflow already determines 90-99% of fantasy football results and a defense giving up yardage should not matter as long as they are in the lead).
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| AP I'm going on four consecutive weeks of using "Whatever defense plays the Bills" and might I just say that this is a most luxurious strategy of streaming. God bless you, Nathan Peterman. |
The standings are a bit more snug this week than they have been for a few weeks thanks in large part to three upsets with Tyler Sneen being the one loser to continue to disappoint in week 9. Two weeks in a row, SNEEN MACHINE has had a top-tier fantasy player go from being a game-time decision to an inactive, resulting in a zero in the last place, 1-8 team's lineup. Hopefully for league parity's sake, Melvin Gordon and Rob Gronkowski are good to go from here on out because the machine has already been eliminated from WRBL playoff contention and the last thing we need is for the five winning teams to get a free pass week against an incomplete roster. Stick with us, Tyler Sneen. We don't need another Moon. This week's beneficiary of the rotting machine was Nick Zurawski. The Perfectly Balanced team now sits at 6-3 and is tied with Ryan for first place in the Steven Nett division as quietly, there has not been a team to blow up and pull away from the rest of the WRBL yet. The other lopsided result this weekend saw Scott win by 25 over the Tax Paying Homeowner Alec Swanson despite a woeful -6 point performance from the WRBL's leading defense, the LA Rams. That wasn't the only matchup that Drew Brees played a pivotal role in either, as the 39-year old quarterback rediscovered his affinity for deep balls and Michael Thomas this Sunday. Despite Brees and Thomas combining for 69 points for Team Easy Breesy, Darrin Aschebrook was not phased and got 61 combined points on Sunday Night Football from Aaron Rodgers, James White and Jimmy Graham for an electrifying 161-148 win over the youngest league member. At least Ryan gets the win in the hypothetical standings? Finally after weeks of Cole accusing multiple league members of "borderline thuggery", I was able to tell the former MoonBak champion to "Go Thug Yourself" with a 159-137 shocker that was only possible through the contributions of Chicago's defense, Jared Goff, O.J. Howard and longtime fantasy trickster Josh Gordon. The five years of waiting all proved worth it at the hands of a Cole Walters defeat. Let's see more competitive, shootout heavy weeks like this in the future because it was a fun one.
Somehow, we are already double-digit weeks into the season. This means that the playoffs are just five weeks away and only 7 teams remain in the hunt for WRBL postseason glory (I'm still the furthest out but, Duke Johnson Jr. is alive and well, my friends!). Week 10 will have the two teams tied at 6-3 (albeit, in separate divisions) settle their differences as 6-3 Perfectly Balanced takes on 6-3 Team Easy Breesy. Nick has gone from 2-3 mediocre to 6-3 greatness and will need to plug someone new in at the FLEX position as his star wideout DeAndre Hopkins sits at home on the Texans' bye week. Ryan's only bye this week is breakthrough rookie RB Phillip Lindsay and with the Saints SO HOT RIGHT NOW, Ryan is the favorite to win. Another match of big-time winners will occur between 6-3 grumble grumble grumble grumble and his superteam versus the 5-4 Colieveland 96ers. Cole's thrown around plenty of thuggish accusations lately and the main component seems to be Scott Aschebrook so, get ready for a heated Sunday of trash-talk and bitter responses to literally any positive thing that happens for either roster. Team ChowHounds could re-enter playoff discussions this week with a win over human bye week Tyler Sneen and I might be able to do the same with another upset win over 5-4 Alec. Don't let your dreams become memes, anything is possible. After an action-packed NFL weekend, the Panthers-Steelers Thursday nighter might actually be the highlight of an otherwise just ok weekend of football games. The Jaguars and Colts eliminate one of each other from the AFC South race for good, the Rams try to make Seattle's road to the playoffs exponentially more difficult and maybe, just maybe the Cowboys will wise up and finally rid themselves of Jason Garrett once the Eagles easily dispose of them Sunday night. I've seen some coaches overstay their welcome before (Hi Jeff Fisher) but, this Garrett thing really makes me wonder what type of blackmail he must have on Jerry Jones. It can't be any worse than anything we already assume about the party-animal billionaire, can it? Somebody get Joe Horn on the phone so we can investigate further!
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| Getty "Yeah, he definitely killed at least three strippers" - Joe Horn, after investigating Jerry Jones. |
Scoring Leaders
QB
Patrick Mahomes 237 (Andy/Scott)
Drew Brees 174 (Ryan)
Aaron Rodgers 161 (Darrin)
Jared Goff 82 (Andy)
Russell Wilson 61 (Scott/Andy)
Andrew Luck 56 (Cole)
Carson Wentz 35 (Scott/Ryan)
Ryan Fitzpatrick 24 (Cole)
Philip Rivers 22 (Nick)
Kirk Cousins 20 (Nick)
Andy Dalton 7 (Darrin)
RB
Todd Gurley 252 (Ryan)
Alvin Kamara 212 (Darrin)
James Conner 200 (Cole)
Kareem Hunt 192 (Andy)
James White 189 (Darrin)
Christian McCaffrey 158 (Scott)
Tevin Coleman 94 (Cole)
Joe Mixon 80 (Andy/Scott)
Jordan Howard 60 (Ryan)
Kenyan Drake 32 (Nick)
Alex Collins 28 (Sneen)
Mark Ingram 27 (Scott)
Adrian Peterson 23 (Ryan)
Chris Carson 19 (Nick)
Tarik Cohen 19 (Alec)
Carlos Hyde 17 (Scott)
Nick Chubb 15 (Scott)
Kerryon Johnson 14 (Nick)
Marshawn Lynch 14 (Cole)
Devonta Freeman 12 (Sneen)
Austin Ekeler 11 (Andy)
Leonard Fournette 8 (Cole)
Austin Ekeler 11 (Andy)
Leonard Fournette 8 (Cole)
Dion Lewis 5 (Nick)
Peyton Barber 3 (Cole)
WR
Adam Thielen 211 (Cole)
DeAndre Hopkins 189 (Nick)
Michael Thomas 180 (Ryan)
Antonio Brown 162 (Darrin)
Mike Evans 142 (Scott)
Keenan Allen 117 (Nick)
Jarvis Landry 91 (Scott)
Brandin Cooks 87 (Nick)
Robert Woods 73 (Sneen)
Cooper Kupp 53 (Alec)
Sammy Watkins 52 (Sneen)
Golden Tate 51 (Ryan)
Alshon Jeffery 34 (Ryan)
Josh Gordon 33 (Andy)
Sterling Shepard 28 (Andy)
Josh Gordon 33 (Andy)
Sterling Shepard 28 (Andy)
Larry Fitzgerald 19 (Cole)
Allen Robinson 19 (Alec)
Will Fuller 17 (Sneen)
Julian Edelman 15 (Nick)
Julian Edelman 15 (Nick)
Nelson Agholor 13 (Ryan)
Keelan Cole 12 (Andy)
Marvin Jones 12 (Darrin)
Chris Godwin 10 (Darrin)
John Brown 9 (Andy)
Jamison Crowder 9 (Andy)
Taylor Gabriel 9 (Alec)
Randall Cobb 8 (Nick)
Devin Funchess 8 (Andy)
Tyler Boyd 5 (Cole)
Kenny Golladay 5 (Scott)
D.J. Moore 5 (Alec)
Amari Cooper 1 (Alec)
DeVante Parker 1 (Cole)
TE
Travis Kelce 156 (Nick)
Eric Ebron 66 (Ryan)
Jordan Reed 56 (Scott)
David Njoku 54 (Alec)
Kyle Rudolph 43 (Ryan)
Trey Burton 39 (Alec)
O.J. Howard 37 (Andy)
Benjamin Watson 10 (Andy)
C.J. Uzomah 9 (Darrin)
Delanie Walker 9 (Cole)
Delanie Walker 9 (Cole)
Greg Olsen 5 (Ryan)
K
Stephen Gostkowski 88 (Nick)
Wil Lutz 85 (Alec)
Mason Crosby 79 (Sneen)
Matt Prater 53 (Ryan/Cole)
Greg Zuerlein 47 (Ryan)
Cairo Santos 10 (Ryan)
Adam Vinatieri 5 (Nick)
Graham Gano 3 (Alec)
Adam Vinatieri 5 (Nick)
Graham Gano 3 (Alec)
Chris Boswell 2 (Darrin)
DF
Los Angeles Rams 68 (Scott)
Houston Texans 57 (Sneen/Nick)
Baltimore Ravens 52 (Darrin/Andy)
Jacksonville Jaguars 47 (Alec)
Minnesota Vikings 43 (Cole/Darrin)
Green Bay Packers 29 (Sneen)
New England Patriots 24 (Nick/Andy)
Los Angeles Chargers 18 (Nick)
Miami Dolphins 18 (Sneen)
Arizona Cardinals 12 (Cole)
Dallas Cowboys 7 (Cole)
Kansas City Chiefs 5 (Alec)
Dallas Cowboys 7 (Cole)
Kansas City Chiefs 5 (Alec)
New York Jets 1 (Darrin)
Denver Broncos -2 (Nick)
Denver Broncos -2 (Nick)
New Orleans Saints -4 (Andy)
Hypothetical Standings
Perfectly Balanced 6-3
Team Easy Breesy 5-4
Team ChowHounds 5-4
SNEEN MACHINE 1-8
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