Week 10
Our 4th semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for misshapen earholes, unable to hold earbuds..
.Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Scott Bless Scott Damn (Scott Aschebrook) 8-2 W5
The Engine That Could (Andy Todd) 8-2 W2
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 6-4 L1
Tremendous Big League (Nick Zurawski) 5-4-1 W3
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 4-5-1 L2
Launders Money With The WRPD (Alec Swanson) 4-6 L3
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 3-7 L2
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 1-9 W1
Week Ten Final Scores
ZURAWSKI 109 DOUGHERTY 108
ASCHEBROOK JR. 107 WALTERS 102
ASCHEBROOK SR. 144 SNEEN 91
TODD 128 SWANSON 103
Heroes of the Week: QB Cam Newton (Aschebrook Sr.), RB Mark Ingram (Zurawski), WR Adam Thielen (Aschebrook Sr.)
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| Hero of the Week: WR Adam Thielen (Team ChowHounds) |
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| Zero of the Week: DF New York Giants (Team ChowHounds) |
Nick v. Andy
Ryan v. Alec
Darrin v. Scott
Tyler v. Cole
Thursday: Tennessee @ Pittsburgh 7:25 PMRyan v. Alec
Darrin v. Scott
Tyler v. Cole
Sunday: Detroit @ Chicago NOON
Jacksonville @ Cleveland NOON
Baltimore @ Green Bay NOON
Tampa Bay @ Miami NOON
LA Rams @ Minnesota NOON
Washington @ New Orleans NOON
Kansas City @ NY Giants NOON
Arizona @ Houston NOON
Buffalo @ LA Chargers 3:05 PM
Cincinnati @ Denver 3:25 PM
Baltimore @ Green Bay NOON
Tampa Bay @ Miami NOON
LA Rams @ Minnesota NOON
Washington @ New Orleans NOON
Kansas City @ NY Giants NOON
Arizona @ Houston NOON
Buffalo @ LA Chargers 3:05 PM
Cincinnati @ Denver 3:25 PM
New England @ Oakland 3:25 PM
Philadelphia @ Dallas 7:30 PM
The past couple of weeks, I have spotted the same family of at least four albino deer just chilling along the railroad on my many not-so-extravagant travels. Every time I see these creatures just strolling about, it stops me in my tracks. I reach to grab a device with the capability of taking a photograph and to my disappointment, either the phone/camera is not there or the deer have already moved on by the time I'm ready. It's a feeling of disappointment that is only matched by checking the box scores in our Bro League the past couple of weeks, only to see that Tyler Sneen had an empty flex position (last week) or two inactive players in his lineup (this week). I'm giving him one more week before I begin to just fully shit on him the way I did with Evan last season. Darrin Aschebrook would have won his first game either way but, his win still feels a little less special with an inactive Jordan Reed remaining in the MACHINE's lineup. At the end of the day, a win is a win and the final weight of the 2017 season has been lifted off Darrin as he was simultaneously victorious for the first time and he was officially eliminated from postseason contention. It does not get more unlucky than turning Aaron Rodgers and David Johnson into nine consecutive losses. The drama was more prevalent in the WRBL this week with DeAndre Hopkins grabbing a garbage time reception for the 1-point win by 5-win Nick, who is now closing in on 6-4 Team Easy Breesy. Also close were Scott and Cole, where Scott relied on Christian McCaffrey's two touchdowns to hold off Cole's Jarvis Landry despite a garbage touchdown by the greatest Dolphin receiver since Sliced Bread (Sliced Bread, Tight End, UW-Kellner). In our final WRBL matchup, I survived the Hunt/Kelce bye week thanks to some clutch garbage points from waiver pickup Sterling Shepard and the Rams in general. This will be a tough loss for Alec to digest as he sits 1.5 games out of the playoffs.
At the moment, Scott holds a one-point lead over The Engine That Could for first place in the league and it LITERALLY does not get any closer than that. In what might look like a predictable cakewalk victory against a 1-win team, think again as Scott's father has never had a stronger showing than in the past couple of weeks. Meanwhile, Nick Zurawski is even hotter, on a 3-game winning streak and stands a very fair chance against my squad that looks slightly lesser than usual as of late with Tyron Smith and Ezekiel Elliott not able to block for Dak Prescott. Ryan and Alec are both slipping but, Ryan still holds a seat in the playoffs for now and this is the biggest "MUST WIN" on the calendar for the Swan. Lastly, Cole may have mentally forfeit on his team but, a match against SNEEN MACHINE might be just what Cole needs to regain faith in his post-Watson roster. The final bye week is here and with three nobodies plus Carolina off this week, the only things affecting most of us are injuries (and the Elliott suspension). Finally, we have some good NFL games on the schedule (See: Falcons-Seahawks & Eagles-Seahawks) so cherish these moments because there are plenty of teams that need their logos replaced by emojis.
Dak Prescott 177 (TODD)
Drew Brees 121 (DOUGHERTY)
Aaron Rodgers 103 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Matt Ryan 74 (WALTERS)
Derek Carr 53 (ZURAWSKI)
Tyrod Taylor 47 (ZURAWSKI)
Carson Wentz 43 (DOUGHERTY)
Marcus Mariota 18 (DOUGHERTY)
Ezekiel Elliott 164 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Melvin Gordon 154 (WALTERS)
Leonard Fournette 132 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Devonta Freeman 107 (SNEEN)
Jordan Howard 78 (SWANSON)
C.J. Anderson 64 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Joe Mixon 61 (TODD)
Jay Ajayi 46 (ZURAWSKI)
DeMarco Murray 41 (ZURAWSKI)
Adrian Peterson 21 (ZURAWSKI)
LeGarrette Blount 19 (DOUGHERTY)
Tarik Cohen 13 (SWANSON)
Chris Ivory 8 (WALTERS)
Antonio Brown 163 (ZURAWSKI)
Mike Evans 113 (DOUGHERTY)
Tyreek Hill 100 (SWANSON)
Jordy Nelson 90 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Chris Hogan 80 (TODD)
Odell Beckham Jr. 71 (TODD)
Davante Adams 58 (WALTERS)
Pierre Garcon 46 (SNEEN)
Martavis Bryant 34 (SNEEN)
Terrelle Pryor 22 (SWANSON)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 20 (DOUGHERTY)
Ted Ginn Jr. 15 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
TE
Rob Gronkowski 123 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Zach Ertz 78 (SNEEN)
Martellus Bennett 37 (WALTERS)
Kyle Rudolph 25 (SWANSON)
Charles Clay 21 (DOUGHERTY)
Austin Seferian-Jenkins 16 (ZURAWSKI)
Jared Cook 9 (WALTERS)
Eric Ebron 2 (WALTERS)
Stephen Gostkowski 83 (SNEEN)
Jake Elliott 53 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Harrison Butker 21 (ZURAWSKI)
Adam Vinatieri 17 (ZURAWSKI)
Minnesota Vikings 62 (SNEEN)
Baltimore Ravens 55 (WALTERS/DOUGHERTY)
Houston Texans 35 (WALTERS/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Pittsburgh Steelers 33 (TODD/WALTERS)
Cincinnati Bengals 22 (WALTERS)
New England Patriots 16 (TODD)
Buffalo Bills 14 (ZURAWSKI/TODD)
New Orleans Saints 10 (DOUGHERTY)
Scott Bless Scott Damn 6-4
Philadelphia @ Dallas 7:30 PM
Monday: Atlanta @ Seattle 7:30 PM
BYE WEEKS: Carolina, Indianapolis, NY Jets, San Francisco
Bro...
Oh, that wacky NFC. It was only one year ago when Case Keenum and Jared Goff were leading the NFL's worst offense under football terrorist Jeff Fisher's tutiledge. Now, the two quarterbacks are leading the best non-Eagle NFC teams and will face off this week in a potential playoff preview. Not only are they both on very good, balanced football teams but, both have had an unreal amount of positive impact on their team's fortunes. This is not Doug Marrone completely ignoring Blake Bortles' existence, Keenum and Goff are both real deals in a league where Big Ben stinks, Rodgers is hurt and Blaine Yo Gabba Gabbert might be starting this weekend. Meanwhile in the AFC, the Patriots are still clear favorites with the Steelers pulling wins out of their ass, Kansas City faltering, the Jaguars not passing and Tennessee flying under the radar at 6-3. The second AFC wildcard is a total mess of a race between the incompetent, disappointing and the Jets. I'm at the point where I'm rooting for the Colts because of Jacoby Brissett, despite how awful that team truly is. If there's one thing this season deserves, it's three AFC South playoff teams.
Oh, that wacky NFC. It was only one year ago when Case Keenum and Jared Goff were leading the NFL's worst offense under football terrorist Jeff Fisher's tutiledge. Now, the two quarterbacks are leading the best non-Eagle NFC teams and will face off this week in a potential playoff preview. Not only are they both on very good, balanced football teams but, both have had an unreal amount of positive impact on their team's fortunes. This is not Doug Marrone completely ignoring Blake Bortles' existence, Keenum and Goff are both real deals in a league where Big Ben stinks, Rodgers is hurt and Blaine Yo Gabba Gabbert might be starting this weekend. Meanwhile in the AFC, the Patriots are still clear favorites with the Steelers pulling wins out of their ass, Kansas City faltering, the Jaguars not passing and Tennessee flying under the radar at 6-3. The second AFC wildcard is a total mess of a race between the incompetent, disappointing and the Jets. I'm at the point where I'm rooting for the Colts because of Jacoby Brissett, despite how awful that team truly is. If there's one thing this season deserves, it's three AFC South playoff teams.
/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/57573921/873298750.jpg.0.jpg) |
| Joe Robbins/Getty Images At 3-7, the Colts are technically in the second AFC Wildcard race. |
The past couple of weeks, I have spotted the same family of at least four albino deer just chilling along the railroad on my many not-so-extravagant travels. Every time I see these creatures just strolling about, it stops me in my tracks. I reach to grab a device with the capability of taking a photograph and to my disappointment, either the phone/camera is not there or the deer have already moved on by the time I'm ready. It's a feeling of disappointment that is only matched by checking the box scores in our Bro League the past couple of weeks, only to see that Tyler Sneen had an empty flex position (last week) or two inactive players in his lineup (this week). I'm giving him one more week before I begin to just fully shit on him the way I did with Evan last season. Darrin Aschebrook would have won his first game either way but, his win still feels a little less special with an inactive Jordan Reed remaining in the MACHINE's lineup. At the end of the day, a win is a win and the final weight of the 2017 season has been lifted off Darrin as he was simultaneously victorious for the first time and he was officially eliminated from postseason contention. It does not get more unlucky than turning Aaron Rodgers and David Johnson into nine consecutive losses. The drama was more prevalent in the WRBL this week with DeAndre Hopkins grabbing a garbage time reception for the 1-point win by 5-win Nick, who is now closing in on 6-4 Team Easy Breesy. Also close were Scott and Cole, where Scott relied on Christian McCaffrey's two touchdowns to hold off Cole's Jarvis Landry despite a garbage touchdown by the greatest Dolphin receiver since Sliced Bread (Sliced Bread, Tight End, UW-Kellner). In our final WRBL matchup, I survived the Hunt/Kelce bye week thanks to some clutch garbage points from waiver pickup Sterling Shepard and the Rams in general. This will be a tough loss for Alec to digest as he sits 1.5 games out of the playoffs.
At the moment, Scott holds a one-point lead over The Engine That Could for first place in the league and it LITERALLY does not get any closer than that. In what might look like a predictable cakewalk victory against a 1-win team, think again as Scott's father has never had a stronger showing than in the past couple of weeks. Meanwhile, Nick Zurawski is even hotter, on a 3-game winning streak and stands a very fair chance against my squad that looks slightly lesser than usual as of late with Tyron Smith and Ezekiel Elliott not able to block for Dak Prescott. Ryan and Alec are both slipping but, Ryan still holds a seat in the playoffs for now and this is the biggest "MUST WIN" on the calendar for the Swan. Lastly, Cole may have mentally forfeit on his team but, a match against SNEEN MACHINE might be just what Cole needs to regain faith in his post-Watson roster. The final bye week is here and with three nobodies plus Carolina off this week, the only things affecting most of us are injuries (and the Elliott suspension). Finally, we have some good NFL games on the schedule (See: Falcons-Seahawks & Eagles-Seahawks) so cherish these moments because there are plenty of teams that need their logos replaced by emojis.
Scoring Leaders
QB
Russell Wilson 191 (SWANSON)
Tom Brady 178 (SNEEN)
DeShaun Watson 91 (WALTERS)
Alex Smith 82 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Cam Newton 73 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Matthew Stafford 64 (ZURAWSKI)
Ben Roethlisberger 61 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Philip Rivers 24 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Jameis Winston 20 (ASCHEBROOK JR./WALTERS)
Andy Dalton 18 (WALTERS)
Mitchell Trubisky 9 (SWANSON)
Kirk Cousins 7 (SNEEN)
Kirk Cousins 7 (SNEEN)
RB
Kareem Hunt 171 (TODD)
Le'Veon Bell 169 (SWANSON)
Todd Gurley 163 (DOUGHERTY)
LeSean McCoy 135 (DOUGHERTY)
Christian McCaffrey 125 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Mark Ingram 114 (ZURAWSKI)
Lamar Miller 107 (WALTERS)
Alvin Kamara 95 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ty Montgomery 74 (SNEEN)
Carlos Hyde 66 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Chris Thompson 47 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
James White 45 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ameer Abdullah 42 (TODD)
Javorius Allen 36 (ZURAWSKI/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dalvin Cook 27 (DOUGHERTY)
Duke Johnson Jr. 26 (TODD)
Matt Forte' 24 (SWANSON)
Frank Gore 22 (TODD)
Latavius Murray 22 (SNEEN)
Tevin Coleman 18 (SNEEN)
Doug Martin 15 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Isaiah Crowell 13 (TODD)
David Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Marshawn Lynch 11 (ZURAWSKI)
David Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Marshawn Lynch 11 (ZURAWSKI)
Jerick McKinnon 8 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Bilal Powell 8 (WALTERS/ZURAWSKI)
Alex Collins 5 (SWANSON)
Aaron Jones 5 (WALTERS)
Paul Perkins 3 (TODD)
WR
DeAndre Hopkins 182 (ZURAWSKI)
A.J. Green 137 (WALTERS)
Michael Thomas 132 (TODD)
Julio Jones 122 (SNEEN)
Jarvis Landry 115 (WALTERS)
Demaryius Thomas 111 (SNEEN)
Stefon Diggs 103 (DOUGHERTY)
Doug Baldwin 101 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Adam Thielen 97 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Larry Fitzgerald 96 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Brandin Cooks 86 (SWANSON)
Keenan Allen 85 (DOUGHERTY)
Emmanuel Sanders 84 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Michael Crabtree 78 (ZURAWSKI)
Dez Bryant 77 (SWANSON)
Golden Tate 66 (DOUGHERTY)
DeVante Parker 57 (SWANSON)
Amari Cooper 43 (WALTERS)
Sterling Shepard 37 (TODD)
Marvin Jones 29 (DOUGHERTY)
DeSean Jackson 27 (WALTERS)
Danny Amendola 26 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Nelson Agholor 24 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 20 (DOUGHERTY)
Ted Ginn Jr. 15 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Kelvin Benjamin 12 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
T.Y. Hilton 8 (TODD)
T.Y. Hilton 8 (TODD)
Eric Decker 7 (SNEEN)
Rishard Matthews 7 (DOUGHERTY)
Rishard Matthews 7 (DOUGHERTY)
Randall Cobb 6 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Devin Funchess 6 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Alshon Jeffery 6 (ZURAWSKI)
Sammy Watkins 2 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
John Brown 1 (DOUGHERTY)
Alshon Jeffery 6 (ZURAWSKI)
Sammy Watkins 2 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
John Brown 1 (DOUGHERTY)
Mike Wallace 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
TE
Travis Kelce 141 (TODD)
Jimmy Graham 86 (ZURAWSKI)
Evan Engram 50 (WALTERS)
Jason Witten 48 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jack Doyle 38 (DOUGHERTY/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Vernon Davis 29 (SNEEN/DOUGHERTY)
Hunter Henry 29 (DOUGHERTY)
Delanie Walker 25 (SWANSON)
Cameron Brate 23 (SWANSON)
Jordan Reed 18 (SNEEN)
Jared Cook 9 (WALTERS)
Greg Olsen 5 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tyler Eifert 1 (SWANSON)
Tyler Kroft 1 (TODD)
Tyler Kroft 1 (TODD)
K
Wil Lutz 91 (DOUGHERTY)
Matt Bryant 83 (ASCHEBROOK SR./SWANSON)
Matt Prater 74 (WALTERS/SWANSON)
Greg Zuerlein 65 (ASCHEBROOK SR./TODD)
Justin Tucker 51 (ASCHEBROOK JR./DOUGHERTY/WALTERS)
Dan Bailey 42 (SWANSON/TODD)
Giorgio Tavecchio 27 (TODD)
Kai Forbath 26 (TODD/WALTERS)
Ryan Succop 26 (WALTERS/SNEEN)
Mason Crosby 19 (ZURAWSKI)
Robbie Gould 10 (SWANSON)
Brandon McManus 10 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Chris Boswell 9 (TODD/ZURAWSKI)
Harrison Butker 5 (ZURAWSKI)
DF
Seattle Seahawks 74 (SWANSON)
Carolina Panthers 58 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Los Angeles Rams 58 (TODD)
Kansas City Chiefs 50 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Denver Broncos 43 (DOUGHERTY)
Philadelphia Eagles 40 (ASCHEBROOK JR./ZURAWSKI)
Jacksonville Jaguars 34 (ZURAWSKI)
Arizona Cardinals 23 (ZURAWSKI/DOUGHERTY)
Detroit Lions 19 (SWANSON/SNEEN)
New Orleans Saints 10 (DOUGHERTY)
Washington 5 (WALTERS)
Atlanta Falcons 4 (SWANSON)
Miami Dolphins 4 (ZURAWSKI)
Chicago Bears 3 (ZURAWSKI)
Chicago Bears 3 (ZURAWSKI)
San Francisco 49ers 3 (ZURAWSKI)
New York Giants -2 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
New York Giants -2 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Hypothetical Standings
Team Easy Breesy 9-1
The Engine That Could 7-3
Tremendous Big League 6-4
Colieveland 96ers 4-6
Launders Money With The WRPD 3-7
Team ChowHounds 3-7
SNEEN MACHINE 2-8
Team ChowHounds 3-7
SNEEN MACHINE 2-8
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