Week 9
Our 4th semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for the Madden franchise barely improving over the past decade.
.Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Scott Bless Scott Damn (Scott Aschebrook) 7-2 W4
The Engine That Could (Andy Todd) 7-2 W1
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 6-3 W3
Tremendous Big League (Nick Zurawski) 4-4-1 W2
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 4-4-1 L1
Kissin' TDs (Alec Swanson) 4-5 L2
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 3-6 L1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 0-9 L9
Week Nine Final Scores
DOUGHERTY 123 ASCHEBROOK SR. 101
ASCHEBROOK JR. 135 SWANSON 116
ZURAWSKI 94 SNEEN 74
TODD 130 WALTERS 66
Heroes of the Week: RB Alvin Kamara (Aschebrook Sr.), WR Marvin Jones (Dougherty), QB Dak Prescott (Todd)
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| Hero of the Week: RB Alvin Kamara (Team ChowHounds) |
Zeroes of the Week: DF Cincinnati Bengals (Walters), DF Kansas City Chiefs (Aschebrook Sr.), Owner Tyler Sneen (Sneen)
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| Loser of the Week: This dick on a boat (SNEEN MACHINE) |
Nick v. Ryan
Scott v. Cole
Andy v. Alec
Darrin v. Tyler
Scott v. Cole
Andy v. Alec
Darrin v. Tyler
Sunday: NY Jets @ Tampa Bay NOON
New Orleans @ Buffalo NOON
Cleveland @ Detroit NOON
Cincinnati @ Tennessee NOON
Green Bay @ Chicago NOON
LA Chargers @ Jacksonville NOON
Minnesota @ Washington NOON
Pittsburgh @ Indianapolis NOON
NY Giants @ San Francisco 3:25 PM
Cleveland @ Detroit NOON
Cincinnati @ Tennessee NOON
Green Bay @ Chicago NOON
LA Chargers @ Jacksonville NOON
Minnesota @ Washington NOON
Pittsburgh @ Indianapolis NOON
NY Giants @ San Francisco 3:25 PM
Dallas @ Atlanta 3:25 PM
New England @ Denver 7:30 PM
Dak Prescott 164 (TODD)
Tom Brady 156 (SNEEN)
Aaron Rodgers 103 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Matt Ryan 60 (WALTERS)
Tyrod Taylor 47 (ZURAWSKI)
Ben Roethlisberger 44 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Marcus Mariota 18 (DOUGHERTY)
Le'Veon Bell 153 (SWANSON)
Leonard Fournette 126 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Lamar Miller 99 (WALTERS)
Mark Ingram 83 (ZURAWSKI)
C.J. Anderson 64 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ty Montgomery 60 (SNEEN)
Jay Ajayi 46 (ZURAWSKI)
Tarik Cohen 13 (SWANSON)
Latavius Murray 10 (SNEEN)
Antonio Brown 156 (ZURAWSKI)
Jarvis Landry 100 (WALTERS)
Jordy Nelson 90 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Stefon Diggs 86 (DOUGHERTY)
Chris Hogan 80 (TODD)
Keenan Allen 77 (DOUGHERTY)
Brandin Cooks 73 (SWANSON)
Odell Beckham Jr. 71 (TODD)
Adam Thielen 67 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Emmanuel Sanders 65 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Martavis Bryant 34 (SNEEN)
Terrelle Pryor 22 (SWANSON)
Ted Ginn Jr. 15 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Rishard Matthews 7 (DOUGHERTY)
TE
Rob Gronkowski 112 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Zach Ertz 78 (SNEEN)
Martellus Bennett 37 (WALTERS)
Jason Witten 36 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Kyle Rudolph 25 (SWANSON)
Charles Clay 21 (DOUGHERTY)
Austin Seferian-Jenkins 16 (ZURAWSKI)
Delanie Walker 13 (SWANSON)
Jared Cook 9 (WALTERS)
Eric Ebron 2 (WALTERS)
Matt Prater 65 (WALTERS/SWANSON)
Dan Bailey 42 (SWANSON/TODD)
Mason Crosby 19 (ZURAWSKI)
Adam Vinatieri 17 (ZURAWSKI)
Robbie Gould 10 (SWANSON)
Minnesota Vikings 62 (SNEEN)
Baltimore Ravens 55 (WALTERS/DOUGHERTY)
Houston Texans 35 (WALTERS/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Pittsburgh Steelers 25 (TODD/WALTERS)
Cincinnati Bengals 22 (WALTERS)
Buffalo Bills 14 (ZURAWSKI/TODD)
Washington 5 (WALTERS)
Scott Bless Scott Damn 6-3
Tremendous Big League 5-4
New England @ Denver 7:30 PM
Monday: Miami @ Carolina 7:30 PM
BYE WEEKS: Kansas City, Philadelphia, Oakland, Baltimore
Bro...
While last week's post painted a dramatic picture of what the 2017 football season was becoming, there were two major details that changed within 48 hours of the week 8 update's sharing. The first big change in a team's fortune was the re-unsuspension of Ezekiel Elliott. We are now entering a ninth weekend of not knowing whether or not the Cowboys' All-Star will be suspended for the upcoming game or six. Elliott is only seven points away from leading the WRBL in running back points. Scott should be fine even without Elliott but, first place could be more up for grabs if/when Zeke is suspended. At this point, it seems more likely that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is dethroned. The other shocking news to drop almost immediately after posting was the future of the NFL, Texans' and Cole's quarterback Deshaun Watson, tore his ACL in practice, ending his and Houston's seasons. Cole did not fare too well in the aftermath either, putting up a measly 66 points. Nothing that happens this season will have more impact on reality or fantasy football than the Deshaun Watson injury (and YES, I'm including Aaron Rodgers in this estimation).
The NFL has done a solid job of separating the contenders from the pretenders this weekend with only a handful of "bubble teams" left around .500. For instance, the Bills, Jets, Cardinals, Dolphins, Ravens and Raiders are still confusing as potential wildcard contenders but, the Rams and Eagles are officially good and the Falcons, Packers, Broncos, Texans and Bengals are officially bad. There's still eight weeks for the NFL to sort out it's playoff bracket but, there are only five remaining in the WRBL where, due to a sudden dip in Sneenterest, the only true battle for a playoff spot appears to be for the 4th seed between Cole, Nick and underdog Alec. This week, Nick caught back up to Cole as both now sit at 4-4-1 after the "Tits Out For Watson" deal of 2017. The only reason there were any "Nicktims" (you see... It's like victims... but caused by Nick. No, I'm not proud of this one, it's been a long 7 days) in week 9 was due to Tyler Sneen mismanaging the shitfuck out of his lineup. An inactive Zach Ertz and an empty flex position highlighted Sneen's potential season-defining downfall as Z won 94-74. The highlight match of this week came as a surprise with the Lions' passing game determining the highest scoring team in the league (Team Easy Breesy) as barely superior to the lowest scoring team in the WRBL (Team ChowHounds). Detroit wideouts Golden Tate and Marvin Jones Sr. combined for 47 points on Monday night, when all Ryan needed was 27 for the win.
Week 10 will be the greatest possible chance for Darrin to avoid a winless season as his 0-9 ChowHounds take on sleepy Sneen and his possible lineup vacancies. I'm still 22 points behind Scott as a tiebreaker for first place and with my two most valuable Chiefs on bye, Dak Prescott will need to keep up his current pace versus Alec and #1 scoring QB Russell Wilson. Cole will try again to replace Deshaun Watson after Jameis Winston went down with an injury as he is tasked with the challenge of upsetting 7-2 Scott Bless Scott Damn. Nick has a two-game winning streak and Ryan's streak is one longer than that but, at least one of those will come to an end when the league's best WR duo (Antonio Brown and DeAndre Hopkins for Nick) take on the league's best RB duo (Todd Gurley and LeSean McCoy for Ryan). The lineup decisions should theoretically become easier with only four teams on bye this week as opposed to the previous week's six. The Dolphins get their third of three consecutive primetime games this Monday in Carolina and then most of America won't have to acknowledge Miami until Giancarlo Stanton gets traded or Hassan Whiteside makes the All-Star Game. This Thursday features the Seahawks trying to keep Arizona from sniffing the postseason. Sunday's slate is underwhelming again but, watch out for the Ryan FitzMagic revenge game against the Jets and Josh McCown. The losing quarterback will have to start for the Giants next season. Dear God, I hope Andrew Luck can avoid becoming the upper-body Sam Bradford.
The NFL has done a solid job of separating the contenders from the pretenders this weekend with only a handful of "bubble teams" left around .500. For instance, the Bills, Jets, Cardinals, Dolphins, Ravens and Raiders are still confusing as potential wildcard contenders but, the Rams and Eagles are officially good and the Falcons, Packers, Broncos, Texans and Bengals are officially bad. There's still eight weeks for the NFL to sort out it's playoff bracket but, there are only five remaining in the WRBL where, due to a sudden dip in Sneenterest, the only true battle for a playoff spot appears to be for the 4th seed between Cole, Nick and underdog Alec. This week, Nick caught back up to Cole as both now sit at 4-4-1 after the "Tits Out For Watson" deal of 2017. The only reason there were any "Nicktims" (you see... It's like victims... but caused by Nick. No, I'm not proud of this one, it's been a long 7 days) in week 9 was due to Tyler Sneen mismanaging the shitfuck out of his lineup. An inactive Zach Ertz and an empty flex position highlighted Sneen's potential season-defining downfall as Z won 94-74. The highlight match of this week came as a surprise with the Lions' passing game determining the highest scoring team in the league (Team Easy Breesy) as barely superior to the lowest scoring team in the WRBL (Team ChowHounds). Detroit wideouts Golden Tate and Marvin Jones Sr. combined for 47 points on Monday night, when all Ryan needed was 27 for the win.
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| Stacy Revere, Getty Images Ryan's win was a result of the annual Marvin Jones Packer Explosion. |
Week 10 will be the greatest possible chance for Darrin to avoid a winless season as his 0-9 ChowHounds take on sleepy Sneen and his possible lineup vacancies. I'm still 22 points behind Scott as a tiebreaker for first place and with my two most valuable Chiefs on bye, Dak Prescott will need to keep up his current pace versus Alec and #1 scoring QB Russell Wilson. Cole will try again to replace Deshaun Watson after Jameis Winston went down with an injury as he is tasked with the challenge of upsetting 7-2 Scott Bless Scott Damn. Nick has a two-game winning streak and Ryan's streak is one longer than that but, at least one of those will come to an end when the league's best WR duo (Antonio Brown and DeAndre Hopkins for Nick) take on the league's best RB duo (Todd Gurley and LeSean McCoy for Ryan). The lineup decisions should theoretically become easier with only four teams on bye this week as opposed to the previous week's six. The Dolphins get their third of three consecutive primetime games this Monday in Carolina and then most of America won't have to acknowledge Miami until Giancarlo Stanton gets traded or Hassan Whiteside makes the All-Star Game. This Thursday features the Seahawks trying to keep Arizona from sniffing the postseason. Sunday's slate is underwhelming again but, watch out for the Ryan FitzMagic revenge game against the Jets and Josh McCown. The losing quarterback will have to start for the Giants next season. Dear God, I hope Andrew Luck can avoid becoming the upper-body Sam Bradford.
Scoring Leaders
QB
Russell Wilson 173 (SWANSON)
Drew Brees 108 (DOUGHERTY)
DeShaun Watson 91 (WALTERS)
Alex Smith 82 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Derek Carr 53 (ZURAWSKI)
Matthew Stafford 44 (ZURAWSKI)
Carson Wentz 43 (DOUGHERTY)
Cam Newton 38 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Philip Rivers 24 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Jameis Winston 20 (ASCHEBROOK JR./WALTERS)
Andy Dalton 18 (WALTERS)
Mitchell Trubisky 9 (SWANSON)
Kirk Cousins 7 (SNEEN)
Kirk Cousins 7 (SNEEN)
RB
Kareem Hunt 171 (TODD)
Ezekiel Elliott 164 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Melvin Gordon 146 (WALTERS)
Todd Gurley 145 (DOUGHERTY)
LeSean McCoy 127 (DOUGHERTY)
Devonta Freeman 107 (SNEEN)
Christian McCaffrey 106 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Jordan Howard 73 (SWANSON)
Alvin Kamara 71 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Carlos Hyde 55 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Joe Mixon 51 (TODD)
James White 45 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
DeMarco Murray 41 (ZURAWSKI)
Chris Thompson 38 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Javorius Allen 36 (ZURAWSKI/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ameer Abdullah 30 (TODD)
Dalvin Cook 27 (DOUGHERTY)
Matt Forte' 24 (SWANSON)
Frank Gore 22 (TODD)
LeGarrette Blount 19 (DOUGHERTY)
Adrian Peterson 19 (ZURAWSKI)
Tevin Coleman 18 (SNEEN)
Doug Martin 15 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Isaiah Crowell 13 (TODD)
David Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Duke Johnson Jr. 12 (TODD)
Marshawn Lynch 11 (ZURAWSKI)
David Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Duke Johnson Jr. 12 (TODD)
Marshawn Lynch 11 (ZURAWSKI)
Chris Ivory 8 (WALTERS)
Jerick McKinnon 8 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Bilal Powell 6 (WALTERS)
Alex Collins 5 (SWANSON)
Aaron Jones 3 (WALTERS)
Paul Perkins 3 (TODD)
WR
DeAndre Hopkins 164 (ZURAWSKI)
A.J. Green 115 (WALTERS)
Mike Evans 113 (DOUGHERTY)
Michael Thomas 112 (TODD)
Julio Jones 111 (SNEEN)
Tyreek Hill 100 (SWANSON)
Demaryius Thomas 96 (SNEEN)
Doug Baldwin 87 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Michael Crabtree 78 (ZURAWSKI)
Larry Fitzgerald 75 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Dez Bryant 70 (SWANSON)
Golden Tate 66 (DOUGHERTY)
Davante Adams 58 (WALTERS)
Pierre Garcon 46 (SNEEN)
DeVante Parker 45 (SWANSON)
Amari Cooper 43 (WALTERS)
Marvin Jones 29 (DOUGHERTY)
DeSean Jackson 27 (WALTERS)
Danny Amendola 26 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Nelson Agholor 24 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ted Ginn Jr. 15 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Kelvin Benjamin 12 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Sterling Shepard 12 (TODD)
Sterling Shepard 12 (TODD)
T.Y. Hilton 8 (TODD)
Eric Decker 7 (SNEEN)Rishard Matthews 7 (DOUGHERTY)
Randall Cobb 6 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Devin Funchess 6 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Alshon Jeffery 6 (ZURAWSKI)
Sammy Watkins 2 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
John Brown 1 (DOUGHERTY)
Alshon Jeffery 6 (ZURAWSKI)
Sammy Watkins 2 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
John Brown 1 (DOUGHERTY)
Mike Wallace 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
TE
Travis Kelce 141 (TODD)
Jimmy Graham 86 (ZURAWSKI)
Jack Doyle 36 (DOUGHERTY/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Evan Engram 35 (WALTERS)
Vernon Davis 29 (SNEEN/DOUGHERTY)
Hunter Henry 28 (DOUGHERTY)
Cameron Brate 23 (SWANSON)
Jordan Reed 18 (SNEEN)
Delanie Walker 13 (SWANSON)
Greg Olsen 5 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tyler Eifert 1 (SWANSON)
K
Stephen Gostkowski 83 (SNEEN)
Wil Lutz 78 (DOUGHERTY)
Matt Bryant 72 (ASCHEBROOK SR./SWANSON)
Jake Elliott 53 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Justin Tucker 51 (ASCHEBROOK JR./DOUGHERTY/WALTERS)
Greg Zuerlein 48 (ASCHEBROOK SR./TODD)
Giorgio Tavecchio 27 (TODD)
Harrison Butker 21 (ZURAWSKI)
Ryan Succop 20 (WALTERS/SNEEN)
Kai Forbath 16 (TODD)
Harrison Butker 5 (ZURAWSKI)
Chris Boswell 3 (TODD)
DF
Seattle Seahawks 63 (SWANSON)
Carolina Panthers 56 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Kansas City Chiefs 50 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Denver Broncos 43 (DOUGHERTY)
Los Angeles Rams 42 (TODD)
Philadelphia Eagles 40 (ASCHEBROOK JR./ZURAWSKI)
Jacksonville Jaguars 34 (ZURAWSKI)
Arizona Cardinals 23 (ZURAWSKI/DOUGHERTY)
New England Patriots 16 (TODD)
Detroit Lions 8 (SWANSON/SNEEN)
Atlanta Falcons 4 (SWANSON)
Miami Dolphins 4 (ZURAWSKI)
San Francisco 49ers 3 (ZURAWSKI)
Hypothetical Standings
Team Easy Breesy 8-1Scott Bless Scott Damn 6-3
The Engine That Could 6-3
Colieveland 96ers 4-5
Kissin' TDs 3-6
SNEEN MACHINE 2-7
SNEEN MACHINE 2-7
Team ChowHounds 2-7
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