WRBL Week 4, 2016

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 4
Our 3rd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for that beer almost hitting Hyun-Soo Kim.

Current Standings
Pancake Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 3-1 L1
Team Zurawski (Nick Zurawski 2-2 W2
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 1-3 L3
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 1-3 L2

Waffle Division
Julio Beat That Undefeatedteam? (Scott Aschebrook) 3-1 W2
The Alec Crushers (Cole Walters) 2-2 W1
TyRod Henke (Andy Todd) 2-2 L1
Team Swanson (Alec Swanson) 2-2 W1

Week Three Final Scores
ASCHEBROOK JR.  160 ASCHEBROOK SR.  116
WALTERS  98 SNEEN  86
ZURAWSKI  116 TODD  84
SWANSON  126 MOON  89
875

(AP/Don Wright)
Hero of the Week: QB Ben Roethlisberger (Team Swanson)

Heroes of the Week: WR Julio Jones (Aschebrook), QB Ben Roethlisberger (Swanson), WR A.J. Green (Swanson)

Zeroes of the Week: DF Carolina Panthers (Swanson), DF Kansas City Chiefs (Moon), K Stephen Gostkowski (Sneen)

AP/John Bazemore
Zero of the Week: DF Carolina Panthers (Team Swanson)

Upcoming Week 5 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Team Zurawski vs. Julio Beat That UndefeatedTeam?

Team ChowHounds vs. The Alec Crushers

SNEEN MACHINE vs. Team Swanson

Team Moon vs. TyRod Henke

Bye Weeks: Jacksonville, New Orleans, Kansas City & Seattle

Thursday Game: Arizona @ San Francisco 7:25 PM

Sunday: New England @ Cleveland NOON

Philadelphia @ Detroit NOON

Chicago @ Indianapolis NOON

Tennessee @ Miami NOON

Washington @ Baltimore NOON

Houston @ Minnesota NOON

NY Jets @ Pittsburgh NOON

Atlanta @ Denver 3:05

Cincinnati @ Dallas 3:25

Buffalo @ Los Angeles 3:25

San Diego @ Oakland 3:25

NY Giants @ Green Bay 7:30

Monday: Tampa Bay @ Carolina 7:30

Bro...

Getting up at 7:30 in the morning to watch football is a terribly stupid mistake that plenty of fans made again this Sunday. I'm not quite sure what the benefit of being able to watch two of the five worst teams in the league (Jacksonville & Indianapolis) play uninspired football on four hours sleep (because Pac-12 After Dark is a very real thing) is and I don't think I'll be eating cereal while a bunch of neutral foreigners ('MURICA!) cheer on our shittiest possible product again anytime soon. It'd be like us giving the UK OneRepublic to headline Glastonbury. I mean for god's sake... I LITERALLY made the rash decision to start Chris Ivory only due to sleep deprivation. 

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING DUDE???!!!!" - Marlins Special Teams Coordinator.

Speaking of poor lineup decisions, we all made plenty this week (except Scott because Scott is perfection and I can only hope to one day be half the person that he is). Evan left in an inactive Julius Thomas (in all fairness, it was the morning game) in his lineup and would have been a Zero of the Week if it weren't for the disheartening performances by both Carolina and Kansas City's defenses. There weren't any available tight ends that would have erased Team Swanson's 37 point victory but, someone like Hunter Henry could have at least bridged the gap. I could have kept Spencer Ware and taken his handful of points over Ivory's two points but again, nothing would have stopped Team Zurawski from winning outside of some insanely bold and potentially hazardous for the future roster management. Matt Ryan is the #1 fantasy quarterback through four weeks (last year it was Andy Dalton!) and everybody would have been better off with the inconsistent Falcon in their lineup this week. Cole's bench (82 points) nearly matched his opponent's starting lineup (86) and no matter how many times I offer him Drew Brees or Randall Cobb for some of that spicy bench depth, he won't bite. Speaking of trades, there has only been one accepted trade so far this year and that happened a month ago. It seems like everybody's approach has been slightly altered in this smaller league format. 

Week 4 saw another sleepy Thursday nighter between Cincinnati and a group of guys that insist on referring to themselves as the Dolphins but, we all know that can't be true since the Dolphins disbanded the minute that Dan Marino retired. Sunday afternoon featured the Patriots' first of two annual stinkers as Jacoby Brissett got the start and resembled a rookie quarterback because he is one, even in a Belichick-led offense. Oakland rode Michael Crabtree's three touchdowns for a last-minute one-point victory over Baltimore for the Ravens' first loss. The Panthers lost Cam Newton to a concussion and lost any respect from opponents for their defense since they just let Julio Jones gain 300 yards on 12 catches. Josh Norman is undeservedly laughing to himself as his team just barely defeated Cleveland as the Washington franchise is now 2-2 and has one up on the Panthers in the wildcard race. Later in the day, the Rams pulled their typical 8-8 bullshit by upsetting a Cardinal team and concussed Carson Palmer (who is OUT this Thursday. Heads up, Moon.). Navorro Bowman tore his Achilles, thus unleashing the fullest potential of Ezekiel Elliott in another Cowboys win (they now sit at 3-1 with Dak Prescott) and the Chargers blew another game late because that is the Charger way. Meanwhile, the Sunday and Monday night games both happened but, there's no way the ratings were boosted from their early season decline after Pittsburgh waxed Kansas City and Eli's "Manning Face" was on full display. Thankfully, we are now five weeks in and the gross, scary football should be gone as everyone outside of Cleveland and Indianapolis has worked out the cobwebs.

The upcoming week will have the classic matchup of both commissioners of this fine league (Nick was the original creator of the Bro League as far as I'm aware) as Nick's inspired Team Zurawski faces Scott's ridiculous 31-character long team name that's not even really a team name but whatevz... He has Julio. Scott's dad tries to avoid another fall from undefeated to just plain defeated versus Cole and the suddenly magnificent Melvin Gordon/Isaiah Crowell duo. Swanson takes on Sneen as Sneen and his machine try to dodge a 1-4 start and I get Tom Brady and Kenneth Dixon back as Team Moon looks for a replacement QB (HEY MOON, I HEARD THAT THE #1 SCORING QB SO FAR IS AVAILABLE oh wait... Brees is on a bye week. WE'LL DISCUSS THIS AT A LATER DATE I GUESS). Are you tired of quarterback weaknesses so far? TOO BAD! DREW STANTON... BLAINE GABBERT... THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBAWWWWLLLL!!! Tom Brady and the much more threatening Patriots take on Josh Gor... oops, he did it again. The undefeated Eagles also play at noon as they come off their bye week to face a once-terrible-then-decent-now-terrible-again Lion squad. The most enticing battle of Sunday will have Atlanta's flashy offense playing Denver's flashy defense and there might even be a Paxton Lynch sighting as Trevor Siemian's status is in question. The Packers play the Giants on Sunday night and those two always play each other competitively and lastly, struggling Jameis and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers play a potentially Cam-less Panther team that needs a win desperately. It's time for all fantasy and reality teams to get it together because Week 5 is when things start to either look really, really ugly or somewhat promising.

AP Photo/ John Bazemore
"Hello, my name is Quintorris. Last year you killed my Falcons. Prepare to die."

Scoring Leaders
QB
Drew Brees 81 (TODD)
Ben Roethlisberger 81 (SWANSON)
Cam Newton 76 (ASCHEBROOK)
Aaron Rodgers 64 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Carson Palmer 56 (MOON)
Matthew Stafford 47 (WALTERS)

Philip Rivers 29 (ZURAWSKI)

Kirk Cousins 27 (ZURAWSKI)

Russell Wilson 24 (SNEEN)

Eli Manning 20 (SNEEN)

Andy Dalton 15 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Blake Bortles 10 (WALTERS)

RB
David Johnson 77 (ZURAWSKI)
LeSean McCoy 76 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ezekiel Elliott 65 (MOON)
DeAngelo Williams 64 (ASCHEBROOK)
C.J. Anderson 61 (WALTERS)
Devonta Freeman 61 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Mark Ingram 60 (ASCHEBROOK)

Lamar Miller 53 (SNEEN)

DeMarco Murray 51 (ASCHEBROOK)

Todd Gurley 45 (TODD)
Latavius Murray 44 (SWANSON)

Christine Michael 43 (SNEEN)

Melvin Gordon 40 (WALTERS)

Matt Forte 38 (SWANSON)

Carlos Hyde 36 (SWANSON)

Frank Gore 34 (ZURAWSKI)

Ameer Abdullah 25 (TODD)

Danny Woodhead 25 (ZURAWSKI)

Eddie Lacy 24 (MOON)

Charles Sims 25 (ZURAWSKI)

Le'Veon Bell 22 (ASCHEBROOK)

Theo Riddick 18 (SNEEN)

Spencer Ware 15 (TODD)

Doug Martin 14 (WALTERS)

Duke Johnson Jr. 11 (MOON)

LeGarrette Blount 8 (SWANSON)

Jeremy Langford 7 (WALTERS)
Adrian Peterson 6 (MOON)
Giovani Bernard 4 (SNEEN)

Chris Ivory 2 (TODD)
WR
Antonio Brown 87 (WALTERS)

Julio Jones 87 (ASCHEBROOK)

Mike Evans 78 (ASCHEBROOK)
A.J. Green 74 (SWANSON)
Larry Fitzgerald 72 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jarvis Landry 72 (TODD)

Demaryius Thomas 65 (MOON)
Allen Robinson 61 (SWANSON)
Brandin Cooks 55 (WALTERS)

Amari Cooper 52 (MOON)

Odell Beckham Jr. 51 (SNEEN)
DeAndre Hopkins 50 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Alshon Jeffery 47 (SWANSON)

T.Y. Hilton 48 (ZURAWSKI)

Jordy Nelson 43 (TODD)

Brandon Marshall 40 (ZURAWSKI)

Eric Decker 39 (SNEEN)

Jeremy Maclin 29 (ASCHEBROOK)

DeSean Jackson 27 (ZURAWSKI)
Donte Moncrief 19 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Willie Snead 19 (SNEEN)

Stefon Diggs 17 (TODD)

Travis Benjamin 16 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Terrelle Pryor 15 (TODD)

Dez Bryant 14 (SNEEN)
Golden Tate 14 (WALTERS)
Keenan Allen 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Randall Cobb 12 (TODD)

Marvin Jones 12 (MOON)

Sammy Watkins 12 (ZURAWSKI)

Julian Edelman 10 (WALTERS)

Emmanuel Sanders 6 (TODD)

TE
Greg Olsen 70 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jordan Reed 62 (SNEEN)

Travis Kelce 54 (WALTERS)

Delanie Walker 32 (TODD)

Julius Thomas 31 (MOON)

Eric Ebron 17 (SWANSON)

Dennis Pitta 14 (ASCHEBROOK)

Hunter Henry 10 (TODD)

Jason Witten 8 (ASCHEBROOK)
Zach Miller 7 (ZURAWSKI)

Martellus Bennett 3 (SWANSON)

Rob Gronkowski 2 (ZURAWSKI)

Jared Cook 1 (ASCHEBROOK)

K
Justin Tucker 49 (MOON)
Adam Vinatieri 43 (ZURAWSKI)
Dan Bailey 38 (WALTERS)
Graham Gano 37 (SWANSON)
Steven Hauschka 33 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Brandon McManus 31 (TODD)

Stephen Gostkowski 28 (SNEEN)
Mason Crosby 22 (ASCHEBROOK)

Dustin Hopkins 8 (ASCHEBROOK)

DF
Minnesota Vikings 53 (TODD)
Denver Broncos 53 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Houston Texans 37 (WALTERS)

Kansas City Chiefs 33 (MOON)

Cincinnati Bengals 27 (ZURAWSKI)

Carolina Panthers 25 (SWANSON)
Seattle Seahawks 24 (ASCHEBROOK)
Green Bay Packers 16 (SNEEN)

Philadelphia Eagles 12 (TODD)

Arizona Cardinals 7 (ASCHEBROOK)

Indianapolis Colts 2 (SNEEN)

Hypothetical Standings
Julio Beat That Undefeatedteam? 4-0
Team ChowHounds 4-0
Team Swanson 3-1

Team Zurawski 2-2

The Alec Crushers 1-3
TyRod Henke 1-3

SNEEN MACHINE 1-3

Team Moon 0-4