Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Week Thirteen
Our Sixth Official Season of blaming Cole Walters for there being a Grinch musical.
Final Regular Season Standings (with won-loss streaks & [Seasonal Point Totals])
Steven Nett Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 9-4 W1 [1,827.70]
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 6-7 W1 [1,622.30]
Mr. Intens3brook (Scott Aschebrook) 4-8-1 L2 [1.511.32]
Shooter McGavin Division
Christy Fichtner All-Stars (Andy Todd) 8-5 L1 [1,662.98]
The Golladay Inn (Ryan Dougherty) 8-5 W3 [1,676.52]
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 5-8 L4 [1,533.02]
Tanner Glaza Division
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 7-6 W2 [1,617.80]
Team Hoefs (Nathaniel Hoefs) 6-7 L1 [1,675.68]
Free Chiquita (Nick Zurawski) 5-8 L3 [1,597.90]
Week Thirteen Final Scores
COLE defeats SCOTT 114.6-97.8
SNEEN defeats ALEC 156.28-105.88
DARRIN defeats NICK 163.88-141.28
RYAN defeats ANDY 169.96-103.82
BYE defeats HOEFS 0-82.06
Heroes of the Week: TE Darren Waller (45.0), WR Davante Adams (34.1), QB Josh Allen (30.1)
Danielle Parhizkaran/USA TODAY Sports
Hero of the Week: TE Darren Waller (The Golladay Inn)
Waiver Wonders: QB Baker Mayfield (29.46), DF New England Patriots (28.0), QB Ryan Tannehill (27.56)
What-if of the Week: If Scott would have held on to RB J.D. McKissic (17.8 on Hoefs' bench) and reasonably started him on MNF after the dramatic game-time decision news on RB Clyde Edwards-Helaire (wasn't taking any first-team snaps in practice all week, obvious 0), he'd be in the playoffs instead of Cole.
Justin K. Aller/Getty Images
RB J.D. McKissic is coming into his own as a short-yardage dump-off back on his third WRBL team, much to Scott's dismay.
Upcoming Week 14 Match-ups
NOTE: NFL Schedule subject to change due to ongoing COVID-19 cases rising and possible postponements. Look it up on your own time.
#1 Team ChowHounds & #2 Christy Fichtner All-Stars are both on BYE
Winners' Bracket
#3 SNEEN MACHINE v. #5 Colieveland 96ers
#4 The Golladay Inn v. #6 Team Hoefs
Official Three-week Sandwich-a-thon
Scott v. Nick v. Alec
Bro...
I'm not even a big sandwich man outside of the occasional "Too lazy to make dinner" chicken patty with barbecue sauce. I've eaten PB&J sandwiches, they're reliable, quick but, not necessarily the most appetizing/fulfilling of meals. Cheesy Sandwiches were a stable in the Todd household from 1995-present but the LOVE I had for them as a child disappeared as dairy products did more of a number on my internals over the years (TMI? No, just enough information for any future league meetings. I do not serve milk. BYOM). Mayo? oh no. Deviled eggs are the only thing that feature a concoction including mayonnaise that I might enjoy (and even those are extremely hit or miss!). The prospect of partaking in the consumption of a mayo, cheese and grape jelly sandwich was too much for me. As far as I'm concerned, this season's already a win in my book just for avoiding the "Melissa Sandwich Bowl": A three-week loser-takes-all-ingredients playoff between Scott, Nick and Alec (Melissa's husband) in which the lowest scorer "earns" the right to eat a Melissa Sandwich. To up the ante for next year's last place finisher, I think we should combine last year's punishment and this year's just so the prospect of Darrin having to rewatch Cats while eating a Melissa sandwich is out there. Maybe he'll sing along to the Grammy nominated song by Taylor Swift this time.
Universal Pictures
No seriously, what the hell was this movie?
The final week of the WRBL regular season was a lot like the Cats movie in that I did not watch it. It does not appear that I missed out on much since we all took the fun out of the regular season by blowing each other out. Hoefs took the bye week too literally and put up 82.06 and slipped to the 6th seed as our first ever losing team to clinch a postseason seat (do not fact check this). Nick put up a respectable, winnable effort (he was a hypothetical winner this week) against Darrin but, Darrin showed why he's the #1 seed in unsympathetic fashion. Resident Miami fan Nick Zurawski finishes the regular season with a hypothetical 7-5 record and a very real 3-game losing stretch that cost him a postseason spot. Darrin starting Matthew Stafford on Tom Brady's bye week ended up being a key decision in keeping up appearances as the elder of our league now gets to sit a week before facing the lowest advancing seed between 3rd, 4th and 5th. Darren Waller had 13 catches, 200 yards and 2 touchdowns in a career-best game that I LOVED for my TD-only league (won 34-30 btw) and Ryan could have still taken a 0.0 at the TE position and beaten my team thanks to solid days all around his lineup (most surprisingly Jarvis Landry dropping 20+). Even the SNEEN MACHINE had a relatively easier week thanks to a surprisingly effective performance from former TE-turned-QB Taysom Hill. Of course, Alec's team wasn't giving 100% as the only team with a fate entirely settled headed into the weekend and with Mitchell Trubisky in the starting lineup because garbage time is a thing that not even the Bears can take advantage of but it's nice to have optimism sometimes I suppose. No, the league wasn't filled with drama and what-ifs this week but our league Shakespeare, Cole Walters knows dramatic theatrics better than the other 8 owners and Scott was willing to play into that this week following a fairly anonymous season from the two-time defending champion.
While both Scott and Cole earned hypothetical losses this week, much like our league's odd six-of-nine teams make the playoffs structure, somebody had to win despite their (temporary) ineptitude. Cole was up 74.5-57.9 with only two Buffalo Bills (QB Josh Allen and K Tyler Bass) tasked with holding off four of Mr. Intens3brook's skill players and possibly the best kicker in Baltimore's Justin Tucker after the Sunday afternoon action. Luckily for Colieveland (located near Whoville), the residents watched in awe as the two Bills blew up for a combined 40.1 and Scott suffered through unforeseen circumstances in a year filled with those. RB Clyde Edwards-Helaire was suffering from flu-like symptoms (non-COVID related) and was a game-time decision headed into Sunday night's game against Denver but red flags did not stop Scott from I don't know.... maybe adding Le'Veon Bell off waivers or Gus Edwards off waivers or literally doing anything besides starting the active-yet-actively benched donut the rookie rusher provided him with on Sunday night. The Steeler receivers barely impacted their first loss of the season to Washington on Monday afternoon football. "Whatever Chase Claypool did it better have been worth a quarter-long suspension that went unannounced prior to kickoff" Scott thought as JuJu has turned into a broke man's Jarvis Landry. Amari Cooper did alright with 16.9 against a tight Baltimore secondary and Justin Tucker's 9 was fine and yet, not enough as Tucker's first missed field goal inside the 40-yard line in YEARS was the icing on Scott's Shit cake as he now may need to make that the appetizer for the Melissa Sandwich. Good thing I don't eat while writing these.
Charlie Riedel, AP
Le'Veon Bell would not have done enough for Scott to win but, at least he would have built up the drama a bit more than CEH's donut.
At one point this week, Nick asked "Does Davante Adams drop 30 on me or show mercy?" and nobody responded. Out of sheer pity, I responded with a hopeful yet bold "no!" and alas, Hero of the Week Davante Adams decided that was all the doubt he needed. For some reason, Cole Walters decided that this was enough to label Andy Todd as "bad at predicting things" so I reverse-jinxed Scott by backing him for victory just so I could watch him lose and now, I might get the chance to take on Cole one last time before or DURING the Shelby Bowl. Let's see who Cole picked this week on his podcast...
- Cole defeats Sneen because duh, this is Cole making the picks
- Hoefs over Ryan
- Alec for Sandwich.
Ok, my turn...
- I want Cole to win for revenge purposes but the players' matchups certainly seem to prefer Sneen. Give me Sneen.
- Ryan over Hoefs.
- Alec for Sandwich.
Who will win the battle of the WRBL Pick'em? Will the sandwich consumer discover any sudden peanut, mayo or cheese allergies? I picked the wrong TIME Person of the Year, does the cold streak continue? Will the bold decision for the #3 seed Tyler Sneen choosing to face angry Cold Waters pay off? Stay tuned...
2020 WRBL Scoring Leaders
QB
Patrick Mahomes 310.70 (Andy)
Russell Wilson 287.56 (Ryan)
DeShaun Watson 225.98 (Hoefs)
Lamar Jackson 223.10 (Nick)
Kyler Murray 207.94 (Cole)
Aaron Rodgers 198.04 (Scott)
Tom Brady 187.20 (Darrin)
Matt Ryan 186.54 (Sneen)
Josh Allen 127.96 (Cole)
Joe Burrow 106.52 (Alec)
Dak Prescott 95.84 (Scott)
Matthew Stafford 56.80 (Darrin)
Ben Roethlisberger 44.96 (Alec)
Derek Carr 34.30 (Hoefs/Alec)
Justin Herbert 32.10 (Hoefs)
Carson Wentz 27.76 (Nick)
Taysom Hill 23.58/48.00 (Sneen)
Ryan Fitzpatrick 19.28 (Nick)
Cam Newton 19.2 (Sneen)
Gardner Minshew 18.12 (Ryan)
Mitchell Trubisky 13.28 (Alec)
Jared Goff 10.48 (Andy)
Baker Mayfield 5.38 (Sneen)
RB
Alvin Kamara 280.8 (Darrin)
Dalvin Cook 275.4 (Sneen)
Derrick Henry 226.9 (Cole)
Aaron Jones 193.3 (Ryan)
James Robinson 192.8 (Andy)
Josh Jacobs 172.7 (Scott)
Ezekiel Elliott 160.4 (Alec)
Todd Gurley 139.2 (Darrin)
Chris Carson 138.9 (Ryan)
Nick Chubb 134.4 (Sneen)
James Conner 134.0 (Hoefs)
Clyde Edwards-Helaire 119.5 (Scott)
Ronald Jones 117.9 (Hoefs/Ryan)
Mike Davis 116.0 (Andy)
David Montgomery 114.6 (Sneen)
Antonio Gibson 104.9 (Andy)
Melvin Gordon 100.5 (Darrin)
Jonathan Taylor 98.7 (Alec)
Kareem Hunt 98.4 (Nick)
Miles Sanders 92.3 (Alec)
David Johnson 91.4 (Nick)
Christian McCaffrey 90.3 (Scott)
Kenyan Drake 76.5 (Nick)
Austin Ekeler 75.0 (Andy)
Myles Gaskin 74.5 (Cole)
Giovani Bernard 61.6 (Ryan/Cole)
Jerick McKinnon 57.6 (Hoefs/Scott/Cole)
Joe Mixon 57.5 (Andy/Ryan)
Darrell Henderson 48.3 (Darrin)
J.D. McKissic 41.5 (Scott/Ryan/Hoefs)
Nyheim Hines 38.0 (Ryan)
Wayne Gallman 31.6 (Scott)
D'Andre Swift 31.2 (Nick)
Chase Edmonds 30.8 (Scott/Hoefs)
Adrian Peterson 30.3 (Darrin/Cole)
Raheem Mostert 29.8 (Nick)
Duke Johnson 28.9 (Hoefs)
Justin Jackson 27.7 (Nick)
Jamaal Williams 21.4 (Cole)
Boston Scott 17.3 (Cole)
Saquon Barkley 15.4 (Nick)
Le'Veon Bell 15.4 (Andy)
Kalen Ballage 14.1 (Scott)
Salvon Ahmed 12.4 (Nick)
DeeJay Dallas 11.9 (Alec)
James White 11.3 (Hoefs)
Malcolm Brown 10.6 (Cole)
Damien Harris 10.5 (Hoefs)
Joshua Kelley 10.3 (Sneen)
Jordan Howard 7.9 (Nick)
J.K. Dobbins 7.1 (Cole)
Devontae Booker 6.1 (Cole)
Leonard Fournette 5.0 (Sneen)
Alexander Mattison 4.0 (Sneen)
Jeff Wilson Jr. 2.9 (Scott)
Tevin Coleman 2.0 (Ryan)
Phillip Lindsay 0.2 (Cole)
WR
Tyreek Hill 274.9 (Hoefs)
Davante Adams 262.9 (Darrin)
Keenan Allen 222.3 (Andy)
DeAndre Hopkins 215.6 (Cole)
Tyler Lockett 195.1 (Alec)
Calvin Ridley 194.9 (Nick)
Stefon Diggs 188.4 (Sneen)
DK Metcalf 188.2 (Darrin)
Adam Thielen 183.1 (Darrin)
Mike Evans 168.1 (Ryan)
Allen Robinson 169.9 (Alec)
Amari Cooper 162.6 (Scott)
Will Fuller 154.3 (Nick)
Julio Jones 146.1 (Sneen)
Robert Woods 145.6 (Nick)
Robby Anderson 142.6 (Cole/Sneen)
Cooper Kupp 141.3 (Andy)
D.J. Moore 136.6 (Hoefs)
A.J. Brown 122.0 (Andy)
Terry McLaurin 113.4 (Alec)
Justin Jefferson 110.5 (Alec)
Chris Godwin 106.1 (Cole)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 82.4 (Sneen/Scott)
DeVante Parker 79.8 (Cole)
Tyler Boyd 71.8 (Scott)
Brandin Cooks 69.2 (Hoefs)
Michael Thomas 67.5 (Ryan)
Jamison Crowder 64.5 (Ryan)
Marvin Jones 54.2 (Hoefs/Nick)
Diontae Johnson 48.7 (Ryan/Andy)
Kenny Golladay 48.1 (Ryan)
Jerry Jeudy 46.8 (Ryan/Cole)
Odell Beckham Jr. 45.42 (Scott)
Chase Claypool 43.2 (Scott)
Darius Slayton 35.0 (Ryan)
Cole Beasley 34.8 (Cole)
Travis Fulgham 33.9 (Hoefs)
Tee Higgins 33.2 (Cole)
Jarvis Landry 29.64 (Cole/Ryan)
Sterling Shepard 27.6 (Nick/Hoefs)
Corey Davis 26.8 (Ryan)
Marquise Brown 25.8 (Alec)
Allen Lazard 25.7 (Cole)
CeeDee Lamb 25.0 (Scott)
Brandon Aiyuk 19.7 (Scott)
Curtis Samuel 12.7 (Hoefs)
Tre'Quan Smith 9.4 (Ryan)
T.Y. Hilton 9.3 (Scott)
Antonio Brown 9.2 (Scott)
Christian Kirk 9.0 (Cole)
Josh Reynolds 6.2 (Sneen)
A.J. Green 5.9 (Andy)
Julian Edelman 4.2 (Sneen)
Emmanuel Sanders 2.8 (Sneen)
TE
Travis Kelce 239.56 (Hoefs)
Darren Waller 191.2 (Ryan)
Mark Andrews 119.4 (Darrin)
Jonnu Smith 98.3 (Andy)
George Kittle 98.1 (Nick)
Hayden Hurst 96.1 (Alec)
Hunter Henry 91.1 (Sneen)
Noah Fant 77.7 (Cole)
Robert Tonyan 56.7 (Scott)
Zach Ertz 47.6 (Scott/Andy)
Eric Ebron 46.1 (Ryan/Nick/Alec)
T.J. Hockenson 42.5 (Cole/Darrin)
Tyler Higbee 36.4 (Nick)
Evan Engram 29.9 (Sneen)
Rob Gronkowski 29.7 (Hoefs/Nick)
Taysom Hill 24.42/48.00 (Scott)
Mike Gesicki 23.8 (Nick)
Kyle Rudolph 13.8 (Cole)
Austin Hooper 8.4 (Nick)
Jimmy Graham 6.2 (Darrin)
Ross Dwelley 3.2 (Scott)
Greg Olsen 3.0 (Cole)
Logan Thomas 2.8 (Cole)
Blake Jarwin 2.2 (Andy)
Chris Herndon 2.1 (Andy)
K
Rodrigo Blankenship 108 (Andy)
Harrison Butker 108 (Sneen)
Wil Lutz 106 (Hoefs)
Chris Boswell 93 (Nick/Alec)
Justin Tucker 88 (Scott)
Mason Crosby 75 (Cole)
Greg Zuerlein 74 (Darrin)
Jason Sanders 55 (Nick/Darrin)
Daniel Carlson 47 (Nick)
Matt Prater 46 (Alec/Sneen)
Younghoe Koo 35 (Andy/Nick)
Joey Slye 35 (Ryan)
Jake Elliott 32 (Ryan)
Randy Bullock 20 (Cole/Scott)
Ryan Succop 12 (Scott)
Graham Gano 11 (Ryan)
Tyler Bass 10 (Cole)
Robbie Gould 7 (Nick)
Jason Myers 4 (Ryan)
Stephen Gostkowski 2 (Hoefs)
Ka'imi Fairbairn 1 (Cole)
Michael Badgley -2 (Alec)
DF
Los Angeles Rams 95 (Hoefs/Nick/Darrin)
Pittsburgh Steelers 91 (Hoefs)
Baltimore Ravens 88 (Alec/Andy)
Indianapolis Colts 84 (Andy/Ryan)
Chicago Bears 57 (Scott)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 55 (Andy/Ryan/Cole)
Miami Dolphins 40 (Nick)
New Orleans Saints 40 (Ryan/Darrin/Alec/Cole/Scott)
San Francisco 49ers 39 (Sneen)
Philadelphia Eagles 37 (Nick/Cole/Nick)
Buffalo Bills 34 (Darrin/Hoefs)
Cleveland Browns 32 (Nick/Sneen)
Arizona Cardinals 31 (Nick/Cole)
Los Angeles Chargers 29 (Cole/Scott/Andy/Alec)
Kansas City Chiefs 28 (Cole/Alec)
Washington Football Team 27 (Hoefs/Nick/Scott)
New England Patriots 22 (Ryan/Andy/Darrin)
Seattle Seahawks 22 (Alec)
Green Bay Packers 19 (Cole)
Minnesota Vikings 14 (Scott/Alec)
New York Giants 12 (Andy)
New York Jets 8 (Nick)
Denver Broncos 6 (Cole)
Atlanta Falcons 2 (Cole)
Dallas Cowboys 1 (Nick)
Houston Texans 1 (Cole)
Detroit Lions -1 (Sneen)
Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, 5th = BYE)
Team ChowHounds 9-4
The Golladay Inn 6-4
Team Hoefs 7-5
Free Chiquita 7-5
Colieveland 96ers 6-5
Christy Fichtner All-Stars 6-6
Mr. Intens3brook 4-7
SNEEN MACHINE 4-8
Tax Paying Homeowner 3-8
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