Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Week Six
Our Sixth Official Season of blaming Cole Walters for cutting the cord costing as much as the cord itself these days.
Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks & [Seasonal Point Totals])
Steven Nett Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 4-2 L1 [829.42]
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 4-2 W1 [762.48]
Rise From The Asch3s (Scott Aschebrook) 1-4-1 L4 [726.46]
Shooter McGavin Division
Christy Fichtner All-Stars (Andy Todd) 4-2 W2 [771.96]
The Golladay Inn (Ryan Dougherty) 3-3 L1 [846.60]
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 3-3 W1 [783.18]
Tanner Glaza Division
Team Hoefs (Nathaniel Hoefs) 3-3 W2 [786.44]
Free Chiquita (Nick Zurawski) 3-3 L2 [781.00]
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 2-4 W1 [725.32]
Week Six Final Scores
HOEFS defeats NICK 146.4-144.64
ANDY defeats RYAN 101.9-88.32
COLE defeats SCOTT 129.52-110.4
ALEC defeats DARRIN 124.48-76.32
SNEEN defeats BYE 129.34-0
Heroes of the Week: RB Derrick Henry (40.4), WR Justin Jefferson (39.6), WR Julio Jones (33.7)
Wade Payne/AP
Hero of the Week: RB Derrick Henry (Colieveland 96ers)
Waiver Wonders: QB Carson Wentz (29.42), QB Ryan Tannehill (28.56), RB D'Andre Swift (27.3)
Derik Hamilton, AP
Waiver Wonder: QB Carson Wentz (213 Passing yards, 2 Passing TDs, 49 Rushing yards & TD)
What-if of the Week: If league commissioner Nick Zurawski scheduled himself to play LITERALLY anyone besides rookie Nathaniel Hoefs, Nick wins this week.
Upcoming Week 7 Match-ups
NOTE: NFL Schedule subject to change due to ongoing COVID-19 cases rising and possible postponements. Look it up on your own time.
Cole v. Darrin
Cole v. Darrin
Andy v. Alec
Nick v. Sneen
Scott v. Ryan
Hoefs v. BYE
Bro...
Doubleheader Monday Night Football might be all the rage as of late but, I have to say I'm surprised at just how into this MLB season I've been when I thought the entire thing was a spiritless cash-grab with lame rule changes (the runner on 2nd in extras wasn't atrocious but, I could still do without it), lame playoffs (the 16-team postseason has been AWESOME) and an illegitimate winner (the two best teams in their respective leagues have made the World Series). Granted, it took until the playoffs for me to fully get on board and I have to say, I did not miss the fans that they are now letting in (at limited capacity) to the Rangers' neutral ballpark but it's great to see baseball back. The Astros gave the sports world a villain, the Dodgers continue to give off the uneasy vibe of a team that could blow it for a third year in a row thus making Clayton Kershaw and Mookie Betts stars worth rooting for, the Braves showed us the future and the Rays seem to be playing the role of "Cinderella Story" even though they might have been the favorites all along. It's a shame the season got wrapped up so quickly but, we'll take what we can get in 2020.
Kamil Krzaczynski/UPI
The Miami Marlins' playoff run was just one small sample of an otherwise noteworthy yet understated baseball season.
In other sports news that I've just neglected to cover because why even try when they're all taking place at the same time?... The Los Angeles Lakers are your 2019-20 NBA Champions. In an extraordinary three-month run of NBA basketball pretty much every night in and nowhere outside of Orlando, LeBron James has won his fourth ring and now sits at Le4-6 in NBA Finals' efforts. In the beginning of the bubble experiment and up until about the Finals, I was ALL about the NBA. With work and the kickoff of both the NFL and college football seasons and the beginning of the MLB playoffs, the Finals lost me with it's late starts. It wasn't just the conflict of poor scheduling though as the Miami Heat lost Goran Dragic and Bam Adebayo to injuries immediately and Kendrick Nunn seemed to have Covid fatigue until about Game 5. Incredibly, Jimmy Butler pulled a six-game series out of his ass (thanks to Duncan Robinson, Tyler Herro and Erik Spoelstra as well) and now, Miami are favorites to land every upcoming free agent again. The real BASKETBALL story of these finals was the emergence of Anthony Davis as someone clearly resembling a #1 option on a championship roster (even though he wasn't yet because duh... LeBron). It was surprising to see The Brow elevate his game from an empty calories player with injury issues immediately step into his first legitimately contending roster and immediately win a championship with only an inkling of doubt with his durability coming in the form of nightly ankle injuries as natural wear-and-tear during the Finals themselves. The ACTUAL story of all this was that the experiment worked. Nobody broke protocol after Lou Williams' unsanctioned Magic City chicken wings visit and as a result, nobody tested positive inside the bubble because they didn't leave areas they could trust and wore their masks outside their isolated hotel rooms. Take note of that as the number of Covid hospitalizations grow staggeringly around us during these winter months.
Scoring league-wide seems to be on a slight decline as the reality of injuries and nothing coming easy this year have now hit the Bro League. For example, nobody scored above 130 this week outside of Free Chiquita and Team Hoefs. Unfortunately for Free Chiquita, they were going against Team Hoefs and lost by a grand total of 1.76 points. As a totally healthy, completely normal way of coping with his most recent loss, Nick is now spending an entire week studying his lineup's individual matchups and scouting the waiver wire in a dark, windowless room while listening to The Michelle Obama Podcast for therapeutic purposes (I guess). SNEEN MACHINE shivers in terror at the idea of an overprepared Nick Zurawski with a thirst for vengeance... or maybe he just doesn't have a furnace in the cabin. Either way, Tyler Sneen enjoyed the lack of pressure associated with no opponents this week and was the third-highest scoring team for the Bye Week "W". Hopefully, the league rookie Nathaniel Hoefs is alert enough to realize that he still needs to set a lineup on his bye week in order to avoid a loss or tie with a top-four scoring finish this week. One team that missed the memo on scoring points all together this week was Darrin's Team ChowHounds. Granted, Melvin Gordon, Alvin Kamara, DK Metcalf and Jared Cook were all on their bye week but, 76.32 just will not get it done in this league anymore. Hell, it never really has at any point in WRBL history. No matter how much Alec beat Darrin by this week, nothing will ever erase the fact that Darrin is THE ORIGINAL Tax Paying Homeowner in this league. The newest Tax Paying Homeowner Cole Walters will look to take back the Steven Nett Division versus current leader Darrin this week. Darrin still won't be at full strength without WR Adam Thielen and TE Mark Andrews.
Ben Ludeman/USA TODAY Sports
Adam Thielen leads the NFL with 7 receiving touchdowns.
This week's bye week teams will have quite the impact on our WRBL matches as the Dolphins and Colts make small dents (Indy's defense, Myles Gaskin, DeVante Parker, Jonathan Taylor, Rodrigo Blankenship) in otherwise unaffected lineups and the Vikings and Ravens cost us a week of Thielen, Andrews, Nick's Lamar Jackson, Sneen's Dalvin Cook, Alec's Justin Jefferson and the #1 scoring kicker in Scott's Justin Tucker. Clearly, Scott is taking his kicker's bye week pretty hard as he is rumored to be hosting a firesale of any and all players on his roster. This isn't different from any other week though as Scott is constantly looking to trade with anybody willing to sell him another free championship for ten weeks of Amari Cooper. With Scott possibly tanking for Trevor, little bro Ryan looks to take advantage of a guy leaning on Randy Bullock for support (we here at the Weekly WRBL recaps take kicking very seriously) with The Golladay Inn regaining five of his nine starters coming back from a bye week (pending the health of #1 overall pick Michael Thomas's ankle). Outside of one championship run, sources tell me that Ryan has always looked up to Scott and now, he's trying to emulate his bro by son'ing him on route to a second shot with The Shelby trophy one week after my team just barely sucked less than Ryan's team. I'll take the pity win and look to maintain my lead in the Shooter McGavin division against Alec in our third matchup in seven weeks (Hey, who made this schedule anyways?!).
Does this look like an appropriate father/son relationship to you?
2020 WRBL Scoring Leaders
QB
Patrick Mahomes 158.46 (Andy)
Russell Wilson 147.38 (Ryan)
DeShaun Watson 130.34 (Hoefs)
Lamar Jackson 126.00 (Nick)
Matt Ryan 114.82 (Sneen)
Tom Brady 99.60 (Darrin)
Dak Prescott 95.84 (Scott)
Kyler Murray 82.76 (Cole)
Joe Burrow 76.34 (Alec)
Josh Allen 69.92 (Cole)
Ben Roethlisberger 32.34 (Alec)
Aaron Rodgers 23.00 (Scott)
Gardner Minshew 18.12 (Ryan)
Matthew Stafford 12.32 (Darrin)
RB
Alvin Kamara 147.6 (Darrin)
Ezekiel Elliott 123.7 (Alec)
Aaron Jones 115.0 (Ryan)
Dalvin Cook 113.3 (Sneen)
Derrick Henry 111.2 (Cole)
Chris Carson 99.9 (Ryan)
Clyde Edwards-Helaire 95.2 (Scott)
Josh Jacobs 91.5 (Scott)
Todd Gurley 89.0 (Darrin)
James Conner 81.2 (Hoefs)
Ronald Jones 71.1 (Hoefs)
James Robinson 70.9 (Andy)
Melvin Gordon 65.6 (Darrin)
Austin Ekeler 64.2 (Andy)
Mike Davis 63.5 (Andy)
David Johnson 63.0 (Nick)
Myles Gaskin 60.4 (Cole)
Miles Sanders 60.4 (Alec)
Nick Chubb 60.2 (Sneen)
Joe Mixon 57.5 (Andy/Ryan)
Jonathan Taylor 56.0 (Alec)
Christian McCaffrey 53.2 (Scott)
Jerick McKinnon 41.9 (Hoefs)
Kareem Hunt 40.4 (Nick)
Kenyan Drake 38.4 (Nick)
David Montgomery 32.6 (Sneen)
Darrell Henderson 31.0 (Darrin)
Raheem Mostert 24.5 (Nick)
Antonio Gibson 19.6 (Andy)
Saquon Barkley 15.4 (Nick)
J.D. McKissic 14.4 (Scott)
Adrian Peterson 12.8 (Darrin)
Malcolm Brown 10.6 (Cole)
James White 8.2 (Hoefs)
Boston Scott 7.4 (Cole)
J.K. Dobbins 7.1 (Cole)
Le'Veon Bell 6.6 (Andy)
Alexander Mattison 4.0 (Sneen)
Jeff Wilson Jr. 2.9 (Scott)
WR
Calvin Ridley 121.0 (Nick)
DeAndre Hopkins 119.8 (Cole)
Adam Thielen 119.0 (Darrin)
Tyreek Hill 98.8 (Hoefs)
Allen Robinson 99.3 (Alec)
Amari Cooper 92.0 (Scott)
Tyler Lockett 88.2 (Alec)
Stefon Diggs 86.2 (Sneen)
D.J. Moore 80.4 (Hoefs)
Mike Evans 79.9 (Ryan)
Keenan Allen 79.6 (Andy)
Robert Woods 74.3 (Nick)
Julio Jones 70.0 (Sneen)
Cooper Kupp 68.5 (Andy)
Robby Anderson 67.0 (Cole/Sneen)
Jamison Crowder 61.9 (Ryan)
DK Metcalf 60.9 (Darrin)
Davante Adams 60.3 (Darrin)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 53.0 (Sneen)
DeVante Parker 52.4 (Cole)
Odell Beckham Jr. 45.42 (Scott)
Chris Godwin 41.1 (Cole)
Justin Jefferson 39.6 (Alec)
Will Fuller 62.9 (Nick)
Darius Slayton 35.0 (Ryan)
Diontae Johnson 34.6 (Ryan/Andy)
Marvin Jones 31.8 (Hoefs)
Kenny Golladay 30.7 (Ryan)
Allen Lazard 25.7 (Cole)
CeeDee Lamb 25.0 (Scott)
Tyler Boyd 24.6 (Scott)
Cole Beasley 23.5 (Cole)
A.J. Brown 22.6 (Andy)
Brandin Cooks 21.8 (Hoefs)
Marquise Brown 18.5 (Alec)
Terry McLaurin 16.7 (Alec)
Jerry Jeudy 10.5 (Ryan)
T.Y. Hilton 9.3 (Scott)
A.J. Green 5.9 (Andy)
Michael Thomas 4.7 (Ryan)
Julian Edelman 4.2 (Sneen)
Emmanuel Sanders 2.8 (Sneen)
TE
Travis Kelce 112.0 (Hoefs)
George Kittle 81.7 (Nick)
Mark Andrews 74.3 (Darrin)
Darren Waller 73.5 (Ryan)
Hayden Hurst 59.7 (Alec)
Jonnu Smith 58.8 (Andy)
Zach Ertz 42.5 (Scott)
Noah Fant 37.2 (Cole)
Tyler Higbee 36.4 (Nick)
Evan Engram 29.9 (Sneen)
Hunter Henry 28.2 (Sneen)
T.J. Hockenson 10.2 (Cole)
Robert Tonyan 5.5 (Scott)
Greg Olsen 3.0 (Cole)
Eric Ebron 2.9 (Ryan)
Blake Jarwin 2.2 (Andy)
Chris Herndon 2.1 (Andy)
K
Justin Tucker 67 (Scott)
Rodrigo Blankenship 66 (Andy)
Wil Lutz 49 (Hoefs)
Harrison Butker 48 (Sneen)
Greg Zuerlein 43 (Darrin)
Chris Boswell 40 (Nick/Alec)
Mason Crosby 38 (Cole)
Jake Elliott 32 (Ryan)
Matt Prater 30 (Alec)
Graham Gano 8 (Ryan)
Robbie Gould 7 (Nick)
Jason Sanders 6 (Nick)
Randy Bullock 3 (Cole)
Stephen Gostkowski 2 (Hoefs)
Ka'imi Fairbairn 1 (Cole)
DF
Baltimore Ravens 65 (Alec)
Indianapolis Colts 54 (Andy/Ryan)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 43 (Andy)
Pittsburgh Steelers 40 (Hoefs)
Chicago Bears 32 (Scott)
Arizona Cardinals 31 (Nick/Cole)
San Francisco 49ers 28 (Sneen)
Los Angeles Rams 25 (Hoefs/Nick/Darrin)
New England Patriots 20 (Ryan/Andy)
Los Angeles Chargers 16 (Cole/Scott)
Buffalo Bills 14 (Darrin)
Cleveland Browns 13 (Nick)
Miami Dolphins 12 (Nick)
New York Jets 8 (Nick)
Denver Broncos 6 (Cole)
Washington Football Team 6 (Hoefs)
Philadelphia Eagles 5 (Nick)
New Orleans Saints 5 (Ryan/Darrin)
Atlanta Falcons 2 (Cole)
Kansas City Chiefs -1 (Cole)
Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, 5th = BYE)
The Golladay Inn 4-1
Free Chiquita 4-2
Team ChowHounds 4-2
Tax Paying Homeowner 2-2
Colieveland 96ers 3-3
Team Hoefs 2-3
Christy Fichtner All-Stars 2-3
Rise From The Asch3s 2-3
SNEEN MACHINE 1-5
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