Week 14
Our 5th official season of blaming Cole Walters for nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea.
Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Rise From The Asches (Scott Aschebrook) 9-5 W1
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 7-7 W3
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 6-8 L1
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 3-11 L2
Shooter McGavin Division
30 to 50 Feral Hogs (Andy Todd) 11-3 W1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 8-6 L1
Navy Is Illiterate (Nick Zurawski) 7-7 W3
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 5-9 L3
NICK 122 - ALEC 76
RYAN 176 - COLE 130
ANDY 143 - DARRIN 93
SCOTT 141 - SNEEN 113
Heroes of the Week: QB Drew Brees (39 points), WR Emmanuel Sanders (33), RB Austin Ekeler (31)
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| Chuck Cook - USA TODAY Sports Hero of the Week: QB Drew Brees (Team Easy Breesy) |
Zeros of the Week: K Matt Prater (Alec), DF New Orleans Saints (-6, Sneen)
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| Ron Chenoy Zero of the Week: DF New Orleans Saints (SNEEN MACHINE) |
Upcoming Week 15 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Russell Wilson 243 (Andy/Alec)
Patrick Mahomes 218 (Cole/Andy)
Drew Brees 147 (Ryan)
Kyler Murray 134 (Scott)
Tom Brady 130 (Andy)
Gardner Minshew II 40 (Ryan)
Kirk Cousins 31 (Nick/Scott)
Jacoby Brissett 26 (Ryan/Cole/Alec)
Ryan Tannehill 26 (Cole)
Matthew Stafford 24 (Ryan)
Baker Mayfield 23 (Scott)
Leonard Fournette 211 (Nick)
Nick Chubb 210 (Scott)
Alvin Kamara 190 (Darrin)
Austin Ekeler 186 (Andy)
Mark Ingram 186 (Andy/Cole)
Marlon Mack 124 (Alec)
David Johnson 115 (Nick)
Josh Jacobs 102 (Nick)
James Conner 92 (Sneen)
Chris Carson 56 (Nick)
Latavius Murray 36 (Scott)
LeSean McCoy 25 (Cole/Darrin)
Brian Hill 9 (Scott)
Sony Michel 7 (Cole)
Mike Evans 219 (Scott)
Keenan Allen 155 (Alec)
Odell Beckham Jr. 121 (Nick)
John Brown 121 (Darrin)
Adam Thielen 103 (Andy)
Calvin Ridley 83 (Sneen)
D.J. Moore 78 (Alec)
Courtland Sutton 66 (Alec)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 64 (Andy)
Tyrell Williams 61 (Cole)
Tyler Boyd 42 (Nick)
Sterling Shepard 35 (Darrin)
Robert Woods 29 (Sneen)
George Kittle 154 (Cole)
Evan Engram 105 (Darrin)
Jared Cook 32 (Scott/Darrin/Cole)
Will Dissly 30 (Alec)
Gerald Everett 17 (Ryan/Sneen)
Darren Fells 7 (Scott)
Justin Tucker 124 (Alec/Andy)
Robbie Gould 48 (Cole/Scott)
Matt Prater 43 (Alec)
Josh Lambo 34 (Darrin)
Ka'imi Fairbairn 24 (Scott/Nick)
Chris Boswell 21 (Cole)
Mike Nugent 13 (Scott)
New Orleans Saints 80 (Alec/Sneen)
Chicago Bears 72 (Nick)
Los Angeles Chargers 57 (Ryan)
Dallas Cowboys 35 (Andy/Cole/Sneen)
Philadelphia Eagles 34 (Cole/Alec)
Jacksonville Jaguars 26 (Scott/Cole)
Oakland Raiders 13 (Alec)
Tax Paying Homeowner 7-7
Team ChowHounds 6-8
Colieveland 96ers 5-9
#1 Andy vs. #4 Nick
#2 Scott vs. #3 Sneen
#5 Ryan vs. #8 Cole
#6 Darrin vs. #7 Alec
#2 Scott vs. #3 Sneen
#5 Ryan vs. #8 Cole
#6 Darrin vs. #7 Alec
Thursday Night Football: NY Jets @ Baltimore 7:20 PM
Sunday NOON: New England @ Cincinnati
Tampa Bay @ Detroit
Chicago @ Green Bay
Houston @ Tennessee
Denver @ Kansas City
Miami @ NY Giants
Seattle @ Carolina
Philadelphia @ Washington
Tampa Bay @ Detroit
Chicago @ Green Bay
Houston @ Tennessee
Denver @ Kansas City
Miami @ NY Giants
Seattle @ Carolina
Philadelphia @ Washington
3:05 PM: Jacksonville @ Oakland
Cleveland @ Arizona
Minnesota @ LA Chargers
Cleveland @ Arizona
Minnesota @ LA Chargers
3:25 PM: LA Rams @ Dallas
Atlanta @ San Francisco
Atlanta @ San Francisco
Sunday Night Football: Buffalo @ Pittsburgh 7:20 PM
Monday Night Football: Indianapolis @ New Orleans 7:15 PM
Bro...
Three hot chocolates down in a 12-hour span (one snickerdoodle flavored), a peppermint mocha beverage in hand, list season underway and two days off coming up? LET'S FUCKING GO! Before I discuss the WRBL, I must acknowledge my father and I's touchdown-only team (Todd's Tornados) winning it's third consecutive title (no playoffs and three weeks to spare) and our seventh in FORTY seasons, as it will probably be the only fantasy football championship I'm celebrating this season once miracle worker Nick Zurawski runs the table after a 7-7 regular season because as I stated week 1, this is his destiny season. Don't count out my 30-50 Feral Hogs though, as they had quite the lull interrupted by a bounce-back of epic proportions this week. No, Tyler Lockett and Cooper Kupp aren't the automatic starts they were a month ago but, Austin Ekeler continues to pull off improbable fantasy upsets on a week-to-week basis over Charger teammate Melvin Gordon and I really enjoy having the Ravens defense back on my roster.
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| Rich Barnes The reemergence of Marcus Peters as an elite defensive back have kept the Ravens undefeated since his acquisition. |
Coming into week 14, only Cole Walters was a guaranteed participant in the compensation bracket that ultimately decides who gets "Sacko/MoonBak" privileges for finishing in last place. Now, we know who is out of the running for the Shelby Bowl and is instead trying to avoid a dishonor that Sneen has "won" twice. After not outscoring Nick by 80 points, Alec: Tax Paying Homeowner will be tasked with Darrin Aschebrook's Team ChowHounds, who lost to the Hogs in a week where he could not afford to lose. There is no denying that these three teams have (to the dismay of their owners) earned a spot in the losers' bracket. The one guy that has no case for why he should still be in the fight for a title but, will likely complain anyway as a 7-7 team that lost to Nick via the seasonal point total tiebreaker is Ryan and his Team Easy Breesy. After two consecutive Shelby Bowl appearances, it doesn't seem so fucking easy now, does it? Oh yeah, he didn't even draft his team. Consider this another L for Darrin as he drafted for Ryan while his son was off doing 'Murica business. Look at it this way Mr. Aschebrook, if you combine both of your two teams that you were responsible for drafting, you'd have two more wins than I did! Despite somewhat lacking complete control over his team, Ryan still managed to put forth one hell of a respectable effort with three consecutive wins to top off his season and will now get to celebrate likely defeating the Colieveland 96ers as a form of vengeance for past sins committed against his father by Cole Walters.
In the winner's bracket, I've already mentioned that it will be a rematch of one of the craziest matches in Bro League lore as Nick and I face each other just four weeks removed from a kneel down by Patrick Mahomes (who is not Christian McCaffrey) originally tying our match, only for Lamar Jackson to be stat-corrected into a -7 yard run instead of a sack, plummeting his yardage total down to 1 yard short of the point Nick ended up losing, that gave my hogs the unlikeliest of W's. What I failed to talk about yet is Nick's team at all. This just in, Lamar Jackson is awesome and barring injury, he will be First Team All-Bro for the 2019 season. His week appears to be an easy 20 points at the very least as his Ravens play the Jets minus Jamal Adams (in all likelihood) on Thursday Night Football. Also starring on the Navy Is Illiterate squad are DeAndre Hopkins (a mainstay Top-5 WR in PPR leagues), Harrison Butker (tied for lead in kicker points) and a quiet return to form for RB Leonard Fournette. Concussed Dolphin DeVante Parker presently sits among Nick's starters with waiver wonder candidate Stefon Diggs sitting on the bench which means Nick will be tuned in for actives and inactives come Sunday morning. For me, it's obvious Patrick Mahomes (who is not Christian McCaffrey) will play but, that throwing hand could be an issue as he dropped a mediocre 13 against New England this past week.
In the tightly-knit 2 v. 3 rematch of this week's 141-113 Rise From The Asches victory. Obviously this week will automatically be different in theory since none of these two's starters will be playing the same opponents this week unlike their fantasy rematch. For instance, Aaron Rodgers has to play a sneaky average Bears defense instead of playing down to Washington's standards this past week and Sneen will probably see MORE points from the future Hall of Fame QB if Chicago keeps things more competitive. Also benefiting Sneen is the probable return of Steeler RB James Conner, who hasn't been healthy since week 8 and averages 15.3 points per game this season after being a breakout star in 2018. In Scott's favor is the unbelievable rate of production from Christian McCaffrey (who is not Patrick Mahomes), who can run for 53 yards, zero touchdowns and still rack up 24 points seemingly every week because Kyle Allen has hit the rookie wall (in his second season) and doesn't know what else to do with the football now that the Panthers fired Ron Rivera (RIP to the man behind Cam Newton staying in for garbage points that one Monday night they were blown out by Philly in 2014 that got me the cheapest fantasy win until Lamar's stat correction). Also to the benefit of Scott is Jimmy Garoppolo turning from game manager to Pro Bowl candidate as of late and Scott is ALL IN with Jimmy G's top two wideouts in his lineup in Emmanuel Sanders and Deebo Samuel. Scott is the only playoff team that has seemingly stuck with the QB-by-committee strategy that I talked about pre-Mahomes. This week, the thuggiest of all Aschethugs is running out Carson Wentz while the Eagles' QB has no Alshon Jeffery, no DeSean Jackson and maybe someone named Robert Davis alongside Greg Ward Jr. and J.J. Arcega-Dropside...I mean Whiteside as his targets. Will the bold strategy pay off with a cupcake matchup in Washington? Scott has the one-up on Sneen with his name on the trophy once already so, I believe in Wentz until he benches him last-minute for Jameis or something wild.
The fantasy playoffs have arrived which means it's time for the Patriots to embrace their villainy with a blowout win over the victim of their latest home videos, the 1-12 Bengals. The Bears and Packers will face off as they freeze their faces off in Lambeau, the Texans and Titans battle for first in the AFC South, the surprising Bills and somehow even more surprising Steelers play a wild wildcard seeding-changer on Sunday night and the Saints try to end the Colts' season Monday night while I try to get a late rally from Michael Thomas and Sneen prays for Wil Lutz and the New Orleans defense to pull through against Scott. PLAYOFFS? PLAYOFFS? ARE YOU KIDDING JIM MORA SR.? PLAYOFFS? Nope. No joke here. It's WRBL Playoff time.
Scoring Leaders
In the winner's bracket, I've already mentioned that it will be a rematch of one of the craziest matches in Bro League lore as Nick and I face each other just four weeks removed from a kneel down by Patrick Mahomes (who is not Christian McCaffrey) originally tying our match, only for Lamar Jackson to be stat-corrected into a -7 yard run instead of a sack, plummeting his yardage total down to 1 yard short of the point Nick ended up losing, that gave my hogs the unlikeliest of W's. What I failed to talk about yet is Nick's team at all. This just in, Lamar Jackson is awesome and barring injury, he will be First Team All-Bro for the 2019 season. His week appears to be an easy 20 points at the very least as his Ravens play the Jets minus Jamal Adams (in all likelihood) on Thursday Night Football. Also starring on the Navy Is Illiterate squad are DeAndre Hopkins (a mainstay Top-5 WR in PPR leagues), Harrison Butker (tied for lead in kicker points) and a quiet return to form for RB Leonard Fournette. Concussed Dolphin DeVante Parker presently sits among Nick's starters with waiver wonder candidate Stefon Diggs sitting on the bench which means Nick will be tuned in for actives and inactives come Sunday morning. For me, it's obvious Patrick Mahomes (who is not Christian McCaffrey) will play but, that throwing hand could be an issue as he dropped a mediocre 13 against New England this past week.
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| Getty Images With Rashaad Penny now on IR, Nick is hoping for an increased workload for Chris Carson in addition to continued success on his three-game win streak. |
The fantasy playoffs have arrived which means it's time for the Patriots to embrace their villainy with a blowout win over the victim of their latest home videos, the 1-12 Bengals. The Bears and Packers will face off as they freeze their faces off in Lambeau, the Texans and Titans battle for first in the AFC South, the surprising Bills and somehow even more surprising Steelers play a wild wildcard seeding-changer on Sunday night and the Saints try to end the Colts' season Monday night while I try to get a late rally from Michael Thomas and Sneen prays for Wil Lutz and the New Orleans defense to pull through against Scott. PLAYOFFS? PLAYOFFS? ARE YOU KIDDING JIM MORA SR.? PLAYOFFS? Nope. No joke here. It's WRBL Playoff time.
Scoring Leaders
QB
Lamar Jackson 303 (Nick)
Aaron Rodgers 226 (Sneen)
DeShaun Watson 221 (Darrin)
Carson Wentz 105 (Scott)
Dak Prescott 74 (Darrin)
Josh Allen 50 (Ryan/Sneen)
Jameis Winston 37 (Cole)
Sam Darnold 36 (Cole)
Jacoby Brissett 26 (Ryan/Cole/Alec)
Ryan Tannehill 26 (Cole)
Baker Mayfield 23 (Scott)
Daniel Jones 21 (Andy)
Derek Carr 19 (Cole)
Matt Ryan 18 (Nick)
Cam Newton 16 (Alec)
RB
Christian McCaffrey 367 (Scott)
Dalvin Cook 274 (Sneen)
Derrick Henry 234 (Darrin)
Ezekiel Elliott 227 (Ryan)
Aaron Jones 214 (Ryan)
Le'Veon Bell 168 (Darrin)
Todd Gurley 151 (Ryan)
Saquon Barkley 126 (Alec)
Melvin Gordon 119 (Cole)
Devonta Freeman 106 (Scott)
Tevin Coleman 81 (Sneen)
Joe Mixon 65 (Cole)
Tarik Cohen 61 (Alec)
Miles Sanders 48 (Alec)
Kerryon Johnson 35 (Andy)
James White 35 (Andy)
Damien Williams 33 (Sneen/Andy)
Phillip Lindsay 27 (Andy)
Jaylen Samuels 24 (Andy/Sneen)
Frank Gore 23 (Cole/Darrin)
Ronald Jones II 21 (Sneen)
Chris Thompson 18 (Cole)
Kenyan Drake 17 (Cole/Alec)
Devin Singletary 15 (Andy)
Bilal Powell 10 (Andy)
Bilal Powell 10 (Andy)
Sony Michel 7 (Cole)
David Montgomery 7 (Scott/Nick)
Duke Johnson 3 (Andy)
Jonathan Williams 3 (Scott)
Jonathan Williams 3 (Scott)
Chase Edmonds 2 (Nick)
Benny Snell Jr. 2 (Darrin)
Jamaal Williams 2 (Sneen)
Benny Snell Jr. 2 (Darrin)
Jamaal Williams 2 (Sneen)
WR
Michael Thomas 300 (Andy)
DeAndre Hopkins 237 (Nick)
Julian Edelman 227 (Sneen)
Chris Godwin 214 (Cole)
Julio Jones 189 (Alec)
Amari Cooper 184 (Darrin)
Allen Robinson 171 (Ryan)
Cooper Kupp 153 (Andy)
Davante Adams 141 (Sneen)
Tyreek Hill 137 (Ryan)
Emmanuel Sanders 109 (Scott)
Tyler Lockett 101 (Cole/Andy)
T.Y. Hilton 99 (Cole)
Kenny Golladay 88 (Alec)
Marvin Jones Jr. 85 (Ryan)
Stefon Diggs 65 (Alec/Nick)
Golden Tate 64 (Scott)
Jarvis Landry 61 (Scott/Cole)
Brandin Cooks 58 (Ryan)
DJ Chark 57 (Cole)
Deebo Samuel 34 (Scott)
Alshon Jeffery 28 (Darrin)
Sammy Watkins 27 (Nick)
Mohamed Sanu 26 (Sneen)
Larry Fitzgerald 22 (Sneen)
Antonio Brown 15 (Darrin)
Cole Beasley 14 (Cole)
DeVante Parker 15 (Cole/Nick)
Michael Gallup 11 (Andy)
Will Fuller V 10 (Ryan)
Christian Kirk 10 (Cole)
Auden Tate 9 (Alec)
Marquise Brown 6 (Alec)
DK Metcalf 6 (Ryan)
DK Metcalf 6 (Ryan)
Curtis Samuel 6 (Darrin)
Terry McLaurin 2 (Scott)
TE
Travis Kelce 196 (Andy)
Zach Ertz 187 (Sneen)
Darren Waller 130 (Nick)
Austin Hooper 108 (Scott)
Hunter Henry 89 (Ryan/Alec)
Mark Andrews 43 (Nick/Ryan)
Greg Olsen 35 (Cole/Nick/Scott)
Vance McDonald 31 (Alec)
Delanie Walker 30 (Ryan)
Kyle Rudolph 18 (Darrin)
David Njoku 12 (Nick)
Jason Witten 10 (Ryan/Darrin)
Gerald Everett 7 (Darrin)
Dallas Goedert 7 (Ryan)
Jimmy Graham 7 (Ryan)
Jacob Hollister 4 (Andy)
Jacob Hollister 4 (Andy)
Mike Gesicki 3 (Cole)
T.J. Hockenson 1 (Scott)
PK
Harrison Butker 134 (Nick)
Wil Lutz 134 (Andy/Sneen)
Greg Zuerlein 87 (Ryan/Darrin)
Jake Elliott 58 (Sneen)
Matt Gay 54 (Ryan)
Mason Crosby 45 (Cole)
Stephen Gostkowski 32 (Darrin)
Austin Seibert 30 (Scott)
Zane Gonzalez 21 (Darrin)
Younghoe Koo 18 (Cole)
Adam Vinatieri 13 (Cole)
Michael Badgley 6 (Scott)
Joey Slye 2 (Darrin)
DF
New England Patriots 172 (Scott)
Buffalo Bills 104 (Darrin)
Pittsburgh Steelers 87 (Cole/Ryan)
Baltimore Ravens 78 (Andy/Nick/Andy)
Los Angeles Rams 70 (Sneen/Andy)
Carolina Panthers 38 (Cole/Darrin/Alec/Nick)
San Francisco 49ers 31 (Andy/Nick)
Cleveland Browns 18 (Cole/Scott)
Minnesota Vikings 17 (Scott/Nick)
Washington 12 (Andy)
New York Jets 11 (Cole)
Green Bay Packers 9 (Cole)
Tennessee Titans 7 (Andy)
Indianapolis Colts 6 (Alec)
Green Bay Packers 9 (Cole)
Tennessee Titans 7 (Andy)
Indianapolis Colts 6 (Alec)
New York Giants 3 (Cole)
Arizona Cardinals 2 (Cole)
Seattle Seahawks 2 (Andy)
Denver Broncos 1 (Cole)
Hypothetical Standings
30 to 50 Feral Hogs 10-4
Rise From The Asches 9-5
SNEEN MACHINE 7-7
Navy Is Illiterate 6-8
Team Easy Breesy 6-8
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