WRBL 2019, Championship Finale + Rule Change Proposal

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 16
Our 5th official season of blaming Cole Walters for no special NBA Christmas Day jerseys.

Playoff Results
#2 Scott Aschebrook  138 #4 Nick Zurawski  120
#1 Andy Todd  135 #3 Tyler Sneen  76
#5 Ryan Dougherty  147 #7 Alec Swanson  132
#8 Cole Walters  129 #6 Darrin Aschebrook  116

Heroes of the Week: RB Saquon Barkley (43 points), WR Tyler Boyd (33), RB Devonta Freeman (33)

Scott Taetsch/Getty Images
Hero of the Week: RB Saquon Barkley (Tax Paying Homeowner)

Zeros of the Week: DF Buffalo Bills (-1, Darrin), SNEEN MACHINE Trainers (Edelman, Ertz, Conner and Fuller all injured)

Waiver Wonders: QB Daniel Jones (35 points), QB Andy Dalton (33), QB Ryan Fitzpatrick (30)

New York Post
Waiver Wonder: QB Daniel Jones (352 passing yards, 5 touchdowns, 0 turnovers)

Sunday NOON: NY Jets @ Buffalo
Cleveland @ Cincinnati 
Green Bay @ Detroit
LA Chargers @ Kansas City
Chicago @ Minnesota
Miami @ New England
Atlanta @ Tampa Bay
New Orleans @ Carolina

3:25 PM: Washington @ Dallas

Oakland @ Denver
Arizona @ LA Rams
Philadelphia @ NY Giants
Indianapolis @ Jacksonville
Pittsburgh @ Baltimore
Tennessee @ Houston

Sunday Night Football: San Francisco @ Seattle 7:20 PM

Bro...

For the second time in league history, a team with a .500 record during the regular season (see: Cole Walters' championship run & Nick's journey from 4-7 to runner-up) made it to the Shelby Bowl. Is this necessarily a problem? No. BUT, it does seem like the big difference between fantasy football and reality NFL football is that there is essentially no advantage to being the #1 seed outside of facing the supposedly weakest playoff team in the #4 seed. Now, I would never argue for six out of ten teams to make the playoffs because, that's stupid and pathetic BUT, it did seem kind of weird for our #1 regular season won-loss team to earn two hypothetical wins with a combined total of 280 points over two games and finished in third place. Here's my proposal for the league going forward... With the league confirmed to be adding a new owner and stretching the league out to ten teams (one team TBD), it's time to reexamine the rule book and possibly even the basic structure of the Wisconsin Rapids Bro League. 

I am not going to argue to make it easier for my team to have won this year, I finished second in points, I made one or two ultimately crucial mistakes that ended up costing me the league (dropping Wil Lutz for Justin Tucker, trading away Mark Ingram instead of having a functional non-Ekeler RB, etc.) and I didn't deserve it. When Cole won, it was the greatest moment in league history but, even I (a non-playoff owner at the time) felt weird about seeing a 7-7 team go on a hot streak for just two weeks, ultimately winning the league based on such a short amount of "consistent" success. My proposal is that it should be harder for the more average teams to make it to the metaphorical podium, holding up the Shelby at the end of the season. How would we accomplish this? The playoffs stay exactly the same BUT, come week 17 the playoff champion has to take on the 16-week leader in points in a completely new match-up for The Shelby Bowl. "Nooooo but Andy, that sucks! Why would we make week 17, the week where half of the NFL teams aren't even playing their players literally THE most relevant week??" To that I say, what if Nick were to have led the league in points but, lost in the finals solely due to Chris Carson's season-ending injury (which is almost kind of what happened minus the points thing)? That would suck. Playing newly-crowned champion Scott again in week 17 would have given him a chance to work the waiver wire (Scott also) and they could have fielded complete lineups once again (obviously complicating things, Nick would need to bench Lamar Jackson for -insert QB here- because the Ravens aren't playing him) for The Shelby. If another one of Nick's players gets hurt and costs him week 17, that's just fate telling him to fuck off and I guess Scott rightfully wins. The magical thing about this proposal of mine is... It would not have even made a difference this year, as Scott won both the playoff this year and led the WRBL in points, therefor making him the Champion either way as it would have made Week 17 irrelevant in this proposed alternate reality also. 

Again, I'm not trying to benefit from this, we're all 0-0 in the 2020 season starting today (except for Scott, he has bragging rights). I'm also not trying to combine weeks 16 & 17 in some sort of two-week playoff thing (though I'm open to hearing an argument for or against that). If anything, this is actually encouraging our fifth through tenth-place owners to keep putting effort in once out of the winner's bracket. Nobody would technically be eliminated until after Week 16. Now, whether or not a non-playoff team is still eligible for the Week 17 championship? THAT is a fascinating hypothetical. I am actually in a league that does this exact rule that I am proposing and it does add an additional layer of drama as I have seen myself finish fewer than two points away from the 16-week points leader WHILE ALSO FINISHING IN DEAD LAST (losing both my playoff match-ups). My strength of schedule was apparently so insane that year that I went 4-10, only to finish two points away from still competing for the title. COULD YOU IMAGINE THE SAME PERSON WINNING THE SHELBY AND THE SACKO? That'd be incredible. On the flipside, we could also alter the rule a bit so that only a playoff team is eligible for the week 17 Shelby Bowl. This is all just a rambling, scrambling idea from a guy that finished in third so, do whatever you want with this brainstorm. I'm just here to create a dialogue.

Scoot Asteriskbrook
Scott has spent so much time with The Shelby that he has taught our travelling trophy how to speak.

Five seasons in and we have our very first repeat champion, Scott Aschebrook. Is anybody surprised that one of the two members of the Evil League of Evil won (I'm the other one as I fully embrace our Scott Aschebrook overlord with trades and general thuggery)? Despite a second-place finish in the hypothetical standings and regular season standings, The Shelby will be staying Scott and his fiancee' in Pittsburgh one more year. It's only right that the city of the Steel Curtain has one football team succeeding in it at all moments I guess. Once Mike Evans' inconsistent body of work left the lineup, Scott was allowed to thrive in tinkering with his lineup, leading him to victory behind quite possibly the least inspiring lineup half-filled with waiver wire adds the league has ever seen. Jameis Winston wants $30 million as a result of his Shelby Bowl ring but, he should try not throwing 30 interceptions first. Devonta Freeman was divinely uninspired in his running all season (averaging 3.6 yards per carry) but, decided to drop 33 points and zero footballs this week as his FLEX. A.J. Brown and Terry McLaurin were inconsistent rookies whom both dropped double-digit point totals on Nick Zurawski this week and Tyler Higbee isn't even five years removed from getting into trouble for saying the n-word before starting bar fights in Western Kentucky. Hardly anybody would have seen this level of success coming from a ragtag group of misfits if it weren't for 2019 WRBL MVP Christian McCaffrey (who is not Patrick Mahomes). The 5-10 Carolina Panthers are on a 7-game losing streak and STILL, The one Scott refers to as "CMC" has put up a WRBL record 434 points, including 31 Shelby Bowl points on 15 championship weekend catches. He's practically Kenyan Drake out there. Congratulations on landing Bo Jackson in his prime plus Michael Thomas in his prime, vanquishing any hopes of the league going 8-for-8 on Bro League victors' over the first eight seasons and ruining Nick Zurawski's dream season, you monster. I dare you to keep McCaffrey at the cost of a first and a (whatever the hell we decided keeping a first would cost team owners). 

Here are the 2019 All-Bro Teams and OFFICIAL Final Standings...

First Team All-Bro

QB - Lamar Jackson (Nick Zurawski)

RB - Christian McCaffrey (Scott Aschebrook)

RB - Dalvin Cook (Tyler Sneen)
WR - Michael Thomas (Andy Todd)

WR - DeAndre Hopkins (Nick Zurawski)

TE - Travis Kelce (Andy Todd)

FLEX - Ezekiel Elliott (Ryan Dougherty)

K - Harrison Butker (Nick Zurawski)
D/ST - New England Patriots (Scott Aschebrook)

Second Team All-Bro

QB - Russell Wilson (Andy Todd/Alec Swanson)

RB - Aaron Jones (Ryan Dougherty)

RB - Derrick Henry (Darrin Aschebrook)

WR - Julian Edelman (Tyler Sneen)

WR - Chris Godwin (Cole Walters)

TE - Zach Ertz (Tyler Sneen)

FLEX - Tyreek Hill (Alec Swanson)

K - Wil Lutz (Andy Todd/Tyler Sneen)

D/ST - Buffalo Bills (Darrin Aschebrook)

Final Standings
#1. Scott Aschebrook
#2. Nick Zurawski
#3. Andy Todd
#4. Tyler Sneen
#5. Ryan Dougherty
#6. Alec Swanson
#7. Cole Walters
#8. Darrin Aschebrook

See anything you disagree with? Try harder next year. Congratulations to Scott, it is now 2020: The Year of ALEC SWANSON.

"First, I make them think my interest in waning by not participating in any Shelby Bowl for six years, then I play the long con by adding family members and responsibility. Then, when they least expect it, I POISON SCOTT and turn the league into the AVL (Alec's Villainy League)!"

Scoring Leaders

QB

Lamar Jackson 368 (Nick)

Russell Wilson 272 (Andy/Alec)

Patrick Mahomes 265 (Cole/Andy)

Aaron Rodgers 248 (Sneen)

DeShaun Watson 245 (Darrin)

Drew Brees 198 (Ryan)

Kyler Murray 134 (Scott)

Tom Brady 130 (Andy)

Carson Wentz 105 (Scott)

Jameis Winston 79 (Cole/Scott)

Dak Prescott 74 (Darrin)

Ryan Tannehill 72 (Cole)

Josh Allen 50 (Ryan/Sneen)

Gardner Minshew II 40 (Ryan)

Sam Darnold 36 (Cole)

Kirk Cousins 31 (Nick/Scott)
Jacoby Brissett 26 (Ryan/Cole/Alec)
Matthew Stafford 24 (Ryan)

Baker Mayfield 23 (Scott)

Daniel Jones 21 (Andy)

Derek Carr 19 (Cole)

Matt Ryan 18 (Nick)

Cam Newton 16 (Alec)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 434 (Scott)

Dalvin Cook 280 (Sneen)

Ezekiel Elliott 271 (Ryan)

Aaron Jones 258 (Ryan)

Derrick Henry 242 (Darrin)

Nick Chubb 237 (Scott)

Leonard Fournette 236 (Nick)

Alvin Kamara 232 (Darrin)

Mark Ingram 225 (Andy/Cole)

Austin Ekeler 209 (Andy)

Saquon Barkley 199 (Alec)

Le'Veon Bell 191 (Darrin)

Todd Gurley 187 (Ryan)

Melvin Gordon 147 (Cole)

Devonta Freeman 145 (Scott)

Marlon Mack 124 (Alec)

David Johnson 115 (Nick)

Josh Jacobs 114 (Nick)

James Conner 109 (Sneen)

Miles Sanders 108 (Alec)

Joe Mixon 92 (Cole)

Chris Carson 89 (Nick)

Tevin Coleman 81 (Sneen)

Tarik Cohen 61 (Alec)

Phillip Lindsay 48 (Andy)

Latavius Murray 36 (Scott)

Kerryon Johnson 35 (Andy)

James White 35 (Andy)

Damien Williams 33 (Sneen/Andy)

LeSean McCoy 25 (Cole/Darrin)

Jaylen Samuels 24 (Andy/Sneen)

Frank Gore 23 (Cole/Darrin)

Ronald Jones II 21 (Sneen)

Chris Thompson 18 (Cole)

Kenyan Drake 17 (Cole/Alec)

Devin Singletary 15 (Andy)
Adrian Peterson 12 (Darrin)
Bilal Powell 10 (Andy)

Brian Hill 9 (Scott)

Jamaal Williams 8 (Sneen)

Sony Michel 7 (Cole)

David Montgomery 7 (Scott/Nick)

Duke Johnson 3 (Andy)
Jonathan Williams 3 (Scott)

Chase Edmonds 2 (Nick)
Benny Snell Jr. 2 (Darrin)

WR

Michael Thomas 361 (Andy)

DeAndre Hopkins 261 (Nick)

Julian Edelman 243 (Sneen)

Chris Godwin 231 (Cole)

Mike Evans 219 (Scott)

Allen Robinson 201 (Ryan)

Amari Cooper 192 (Darrin)

Julio Jones 189 (Alec)

Davante Adams 186 (Sneen)

Keenan Allen 185 (Alec)

Tyreek Hill 172 (Ryan)

Cooper Kupp 169 (Andy)

John Brown 137 (Darrin)

Tyler Lockett 129 (Cole/Andy)

Odell Beckham Jr. 121 (Nick)

Kenny Golladay 113 (Alec)

Emmanuel Sanders 111 (Scott)

T.Y. Hilton 104 (Cole)

Adam Thielen 103 (Andy)

D.J. Moore 99 (Alec)

Marvin Jones Jr. 85 (Ryan)

Calvin Ridley 83 (Sneen)

Jarvis Landry 82 (Scott/Cole)

Tyler Boyd 75 (Nick/Darrin)

Courtland Sutton 66 (Alec)

Stefon Diggs 65 (Alec/Nick)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 64 (Andy)

Golden Tate 64 (Scott)

Tyrell Williams 61 (Cole)

DeVante Parker 60 (Cole/Nick)

Brandin Cooks 58 (Ryan)

DJ Chark 57 (Cole)

Deebo Samuel 37 (Scott)

Sterling Shepard 35 (Darrin)

Robert Woods 34 (Sneen)

Alshon Jeffery 28 (Darrin)

Sammy Watkins 27 (Nick)

Mohamed Sanu 26 (Sneen)

Michael Gallup 25 (Andy)

Larry Fitzgerald 22 (Sneen)

Terry McLaurin 17 (Scott)

Breshad Perriman 17 (Nick)

Antonio Brown 15 (Darrin)

Cole Beasley 14 (Cole)
A.J. Brown 14 (Scott)

Will Fuller V 13 (Ryan/Sneen)

Christian Kirk 10 (Cole)

Auden Tate 9 (Alec)

Marquise Brown 6 (Alec)
DK Metcalf 6 (Ryan)

Curtis Samuel 6 (Darrin)

TE

Travis Kelce 242 (Andy)

Zach Ertz 210 (Sneen)

George Kittle 198 (Cole)

Darren Waller 157 (Nick)

Austin Hooper 108 (Scott)

Evan Engram 105 (Darrin)

Hunter Henry 100 (Ryan/Alec)

Mark Andrews 85 (Nick/Ryan)

Tyler Higbee 42 (Scott)

Greg Olsen 35 (Cole/Nick/Scott)

Jared Cook 32 (Scott/Darrin/Cole)

Vance McDonald 31 (Alec)

Will Dissly 30 (Alec)

Delanie Walker 30 (Ryan)

Kyle Rudolph 25 (Darrin)

Gerald Everett 17 (Ryan/Sneen)

David Njoku 12 (Nick)

Jason Witten 10 (Ryan/Darrin)

Gerald Everett 7 (Darrin)

Darren Fells 7 (Scott)

Dallas Goedert 7 (Ryan)

Jimmy Graham 7 (Ryan)
O.J. Howard 7 (Darrin)
Jacob Hollister 4 (Andy)

Mike Gesicki 3 (Cole)

T.J. Hockenson 1 (Scott)

PK

Harrison Butker 154 (Nick)

Wil Lutz 153 (Andy/Sneen)

Justin Tucker 135 (Alec/Andy)

Greg Zuerlein 88 (Ryan/Darrin)

Matt Gay 72 (Ryan)

Mason Crosby 58 (Cole)

Jake Elliott 58 (Sneen)

Matt Prater 54 (Alec)

Robbie Gould 48 (Cole/Scott)

Josh Lambo 34 (Darrin)

Stephen Gostkowski 32 (Darrin)

Zane Gonzalez 30 (Darrin)

Austin Seibert 30 (Scott)

Ka'imi Fairbairn 24 (Scott/Nick)

Younghoe Koo 23 (Cole/Scott)

Chris Boswell 21 (Cole)

Mike Nugent 13 (Scott)

Adam Vinatieri 13 (Cole)
Jason Sanders 8 (Scott)

Michael Badgley 6 (Scott)

Joey Slye 2 (Darrin)

DF

New England Patriots 198 (Scott)

Buffalo Bills 122 (Darrin)

Pittsburgh Steelers 102 (Cole/Ryan)

Baltimore Ravens 91 (Andy/Nick)

New Orleans Saints 91 (Alec/Sneen)

Chicago Bears 72 (Nick)

Los Angeles Rams 71 (Sneen/Andy/Alec)

Los Angeles Chargers 57 (Ryan)

Philadelphia Eagles 42 (Cole/Alec/Nick)

Carolina Panthers 38 (Cole/Darrin/Alec/Nick)

Dallas Cowboys 35 (Andy/Cole/Sneen)

San Francisco 49ers 31 (Andy/Nick)

Jacksonville Jaguars 26 (Scott/Cole)

New York Jets 24 (Cole)

Cleveland Browns 18 (Cole/Scott)

Green Bay Packers 18 (Cole)
Minnesota Vikings 17 (Scott/Nick)

Oakland Raiders 13 (Alec)

Washington 12 (Andy)

Denver Broncos 9 (Cole)

Tennessee Titans 7 (Andy)
Indianapolis Colts 6 (Alec)

New York Giants 3 (Cole)

Arizona Cardinals 2 (Cole)

Seattle Seahawks 2 (Andy)

Hypothetical Standings

30 to 50 Feral Hogs 12-4

Rise From The Asches 11-5

Team Easy Breesy 8-8

Tax Paying Homeowner 8-8

Navy Is Illiterate 7-9

SNEEN MACHINE 7-9

Team ChowHounds 6-10

Colieveland 96ers 5-11