Week 1
Our 5th official season of blaming Cole Walters for the Patriots signing Antonio Brown.
Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 1-0 W1
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 1-0 W2
Walter Polish Z Slayers (Scott Aschebrook) 0-1 L1
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 0-1 L3
Shooter McGavin Division
30 to 50 Feral Hogs (Andy Todd) 1-0 W2
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 1-0 W1
Is Ir Pronounced Navy (Nick Zurawski) 0-1 L2
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 0-1 L1
Week One Final Scores
DARRIN 191 - NICK 161
COLE 124 - ALEC 114
ANDY 131 - SCOTT 104
SNEEN 111 - RYAN 85
Heroes of the Week: RB Christian McCaffrey (42 points), WR DeAndre Hopkins (31), QB DeShaun Watson (30)
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| USA TODAY Sports Hero of the Week: QB DeShaun Watson (Team ChowHounds) |
Waiver Wonders: WR John Ross (34 points), WR Marquise Brown (30), DF San Francisco 49ers (28)
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| The Athletic Waiver Wonder: WR John Ross III (7 catches, 158 yards, 2 touchdowns) |
Cole vs. Andy
Sneen vs. Nick
Darrin vs. Ryan
Scott vs. Alec
Thursday Night Football: Tampa Bay @ Carolina 7:20 PM
Sunday NOON: Arizona @ Baltimore
Buffalo @ NY Giants
Dallas @ Washington
Indianapolis @ Tennessee
Jacksonville @ Houston
LA Chargers @ Lions
Minnesota @ Green Bay
New England @ Miami
San Francisco @ Cincinnati
Seattle @ Pittsburgh
3:05 PM: Kansas City @ Oakland
3:25 PM: Chicago @ Denver
New Orleans @ LA Rams
Sunday Night Football: Philadelphia @ Atlanta 7:20 PM
Monday Night Football: Cleveland @ NY Jets 7:15 PM
Bro...
2019, the Wisconsin Rapids Bro League is in it's fifth official season of action. We've become a well-oiled machine and that deserves a pat on the back. There still has not been a repeat champion, the weekly blog posts are a nice added touch to the mystique of our hobby and Darrin once blew a 96-point lead in the Shelby Bowl so, you know the memes are strong. We're doing good but, you know what greatness is? Father Todd entering his FORTIETH season of fantasy football fun with his high school buddies from Pittsville in their touchdown-only league. You see kids, back in 1980 the league would have to wait until the Marshfield News Herald dropped all the info on football scores in their Tuesday edition and the league owners would tabulate their scores from there. Six of the eight original owners remain and they've had the same lineup since 1984. Not only has the PFL essentially been the same since 1984 but, it has become routine that the league meets for their annual draft and maybe once every five years one of the eight owners doesn't make for a live, offline draft (in which case, they stay on the phone line and call their picks in).
2019, the Wisconsin Rapids Bro League is in it's fifth official season of action. We've become a well-oiled machine and that deserves a pat on the back. There still has not been a repeat champion, the weekly blog posts are a nice added touch to the mystique of our hobby and Darrin once blew a 96-point lead in the Shelby Bowl so, you know the memes are strong. We're doing good but, you know what greatness is? Father Todd entering his FORTIETH season of fantasy football fun with his high school buddies from Pittsville in their touchdown-only league. You see kids, back in 1980 the league would have to wait until the Marshfield News Herald dropped all the info on football scores in their Tuesday edition and the league owners would tabulate their scores from there. Six of the eight original owners remain and they've had the same lineup since 1984. Not only has the PFL essentially been the same since 1984 but, it has become routine that the league meets for their annual draft and maybe once every five years one of the eight owners doesn't make for a live, offline draft (in which case, they stay on the phone line and call their picks in).
This year's Labor Day Weekend draft took place in a garage in the middle of nowhere (as is tradition) saw Raiders' RB Josh Jacobs go first overall, the devouring of prime rib, our first ever giant draft board with sticker-ed names and a postgame bonfire (as is also tradition) with two old desktop monitors, an old TV, a bench that had been used around the bonfire location for over a decade, a bag of clothes that were sitting in the Todd family garage for over five years and an old white board sacrificed to our "ceremonial burn" (Declaring it a ceremonial burn makes it legal, boys). Overall, even though there weren't stories about "Pig dice in Junction City" or "The Amish are purposely having their horses shit in front of my driveway", it was still one of the biggest and best draft parties yet. When you reach a milestone year like #40, it's important to go all out and with our Todd's Tornados going back-to-back in seasons 38 & 39, it was important that I followed up our custom-made championship hats with the first ever PFL Championship ring ceremony. That's right... I bought a Fantasy Champion ring along with our draft board. Thank you to all of our 10 keepers plus a host of others that have contributed to this new and exciting journey of victory after going 13 trophy-less finishes.
Here's the roster headed into season #40 for Todd's Tornados...
QB - Russell Wilson (3rd rounder, 2012), Patrick Mahomes (3rd rounder, 2017), Daniel Jones (3rd rounder, 2019), Matthew Stafford (6th rounder, 2019)
RB - Todd Gurley (1st rounder, 2015), Ezekiel Elliott (#2 overall pick, 2016), Derrick Henry )#3 overall pick, 2016), Chris Carson (5th rounder, 2018), James White (our 1st rounder this season after being a cut from the '18 final roster), Jordan Howard (5th rounder + another re-draft)
WR - Michael Thomas (6th rounder, 2016), Keenan Allen (3rd rounder, 2017), Tyler Lockett (2nd rounder, 2018), Calvin Ridley (5th rounder, 2018), T.Y. Hilton (2nd rounder, 2019 + another re-draft), Larry Fitzgerald (Somehow Mr. Irrelevant this year)
TE - Austin Hooper (7th rounder, 2019), Vance McDonald (9th rounder, 2019)
PK - Wil Lutz (4th rounder, 2019 + 3rd year in a row we've drafted him), Jason Myers (8th rounder, 2019)
DF - Jacksonville Jaguars (10th rounder, 2019)
In leagues y'all actually care about news... The Bro League draft was somehow put together at the last minute by commissioner Nick Zurawski, a miracle worker at the very least. The final detail of last season's controversial Patrick Mahomes deal came to fruition as I ended up with the first overall pick (via random selection) and took Saints' WR Michael Thomas after the keepers were selected by everyone besides me (A self-imposed side-effect of said controversial deal). With three picks in the first two rounds, I was FINALLY (for the first time ever) able to lock down three probable Pro Bowl wideouts in Thomas, JuJu Smith-Schuster and Adam Thielen in addition to fully-recovered (we hope) Cooper Kupp. Back to Nick Zurawski though, the resounding belief around the league is that it is time for the perennial playoff participant to finally engrave his name on The Shelby with his first official championship victory as he is one of three remaining owners to not have experienced the fruits of winning (Alec and Darrin being the other two). While Darrin has hosted multiple league events and is mostly responsible for the creation of the league trophy (allegedly), ultimately Rapmaster Nicky Z is the one that puts this all together every year and bullies us into drafting at times inconvenient to our daily lives (Pretty sure Cole was just checking his phone every two minutes at work this year). Meanwhile, 2017 Champion Ryan Dougherty's Team Easy Breesy was mostly drafted by Darrin Aschebrook because nothing beats a father's intuition... and by nothing, I mean a fantasy football team owned by Tyler Sneen (Boom, still got it!).
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| When you realize you have Austin Ekeler, Devin Singletary, Cooper Kupp and James White on your deepest bench yet. |
In the most highly anticipated week one in years for the NFL and fantasy football alike, Darrin Aschebrook came out as top scorer with an insane 191 points without second-round pick WR Antonio Brown active (more on him once it feels safe to talk about anything football or otherwise with the newest Patriot receiver) and as is par for the course of fantasy football, Nick Zurawski scored second-most points for the week and lost to the #1 scorer ("Bring on the hypothetical win!" stated a downtrodden team owner) with both Lamar Jackson and Sammy Watkins (combined for EIGHT touchdowns) sitting on Is It Pronounced Navy's bench. It could be worse for our resident legal expert... he could always be a Dolphins fan (Take a long luau for Tagaviloa). In the Andy-Scott match, Scott's team took the week to recover from nine months of doing absolutely nothing to do absolutely nothing outside of Run CMC (AKA: Not Patrick Mahomes, AKA: The Greatest White Running Back since O.J. Simpson, AKA: Christian McCaffrey). The Panthers Running Back made his case early for back-to-back league MVP honors and 42 points as the rest of the Walter Polish Z Slayers put up 62 in a 27-point loss to my team led by a catch-less 22-point game from Mark Ingram. As previously hinted at, Ryan's team made a loud THUD! with just 85 points, giving hypothetical loser SNEEN MACHINE a fairly easy victory (though Tyler's 111 is far from a no-show) and in our closest game, Tyrell Williams was the beneficiary of the departure of Antonio Brown as Tyrell's business boomed it's way to 22-points in a clutch performance late Monday night, giving Cole a 10-point victory over the Tax Paying Homeowner, who relied on the Saints defense that once again failed to come through in the clutch for the third year in a row despite winning their reality game (that was all thanks to Drew Brees and Alvin Kamara).
What does Week 2 bring? Well, the Panthers and Bucs play on Thursday Night so, we'll know what Scott's odds look like versus Alec as Christian McCaffrey (who is still not Patrick Mahomes) tries to carry one 0-1 fantasy team over another. 30 to 50 Feral Hogs take on the Colieveland 96ers in a winner takes home a Kwik Trip Rewards Card rivalry game. Darrin gets to tank Ryan's team because he raised the son that is defending his right to keep an injured Tyreek Hill in the lineup. It seems fitting that not only does Hill have a cast to match his son's but, Darrin could use the Chiefs' wideout to ABUSE his powers over HIS SON's team (The Roast of Alec Baldwin is this week so, I'm feeling a little bolder in my material). The Falcons look to rebound off a miserable showing in Minnesota with a home game against the Eagles and Tyler Sneen's QB Carson Wentz on Sunday Night. Speaking of Tyler Sneen, his machine takes on Nick as it all might come down to Browns' WR Odell Beckham Jr. on Monday Night Football against the Jets. It should be a fun game with two very disappointing week one teams looking to pull out the UNO reverse card on their season's fortunes. Also digging through his deck of cards, maybe Nick can still win it all (No pressure) because that squad he built looks DEEP one game into the season and still, he wants a ring like Carmellllooo. Anything can happen on any given Sunday, especially on Monday Night! Now, knock on wood if you're with me.
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| Craig Lassig/European Pressphoto Agency Pictured: Now only the second least-clutch moment from the Saints defense in the 2010s. |
What does Week 2 bring? Well, the Panthers and Bucs play on Thursday Night so, we'll know what Scott's odds look like versus Alec as Christian McCaffrey (who is still not Patrick Mahomes) tries to carry one 0-1 fantasy team over another. 30 to 50 Feral Hogs take on the Colieveland 96ers in a winner takes home a Kwik Trip Rewards Card rivalry game. Darrin gets to tank Ryan's team because he raised the son that is defending his right to keep an injured Tyreek Hill in the lineup. It seems fitting that not only does Hill have a cast to match his son's but, Darrin could use the Chiefs' wideout to ABUSE his powers over HIS SON's team (The Roast of Alec Baldwin is this week so, I'm feeling a little bolder in my material). The Falcons look to rebound off a miserable showing in Minnesota with a home game against the Eagles and Tyler Sneen's QB Carson Wentz on Sunday Night. Speaking of Tyler Sneen, his machine takes on Nick as it all might come down to Browns' WR Odell Beckham Jr. on Monday Night Football against the Jets. It should be a fun game with two very disappointing week one teams looking to pull out the UNO reverse card on their season's fortunes. Also digging through his deck of cards, maybe Nick can still win it all (No pressure) because that squad he built looks DEEP one game into the season and still, he wants a ring like Carmellllooo. Anything can happen on any given Sunday, especially on Monday Night! Now, knock on wood if you're with me.
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| USA TODAY Sports [Redacted] |
Scoring Leaders
QB
DeShaun Watson 30 (Darrin)
Patrick Mahomes 27 (Cole)
Carson Wentz 24 (Scott)
Drew Brees 20 (Ryan)
Matt Ryan 18 (Nick)
Russell Wilson 15 (Andy)
Aaron Rodgers 12 (Sneen)
Cam Newton 5 (Alec)
RB
Christian McCaffrey 42 (Scott)
Derrick Henry 28 (Darrin)
Dalvin Cook 25 (Sneen)
David Johnson 25 (Nick)
Marlon Mack 25 (Alec)
Le'Veon Bell 23 (Darrin)
Josh Jacobs 23 (Nick)
Alvin Kamara 23 (Darrin)
Mark Ingram 22 (Andy)
Saquon Barkley 17 (Alec)
Damien Williams 17 (Sneen)
Ezekiel Elliott 13 (Ryan)
Nick Chubb 11 (Scott)
James Conner 10 (Sneen)
Leonard Fournette 10 (Nick)
Todd Gurley 10 (Ryan)
Kerryon Johnson 7 (Andy)
Kenyan Drake 4 (Cole)
Devonta Freeman 3 (Scott)
Joe Mixon 3 (Cole)
WR
DeAndre Hopkins 31 (Nick)
T.Y. Hilton 28 (Cole)
Keenan Allen 26 (Alec)
Amari Cooper 22 (Darrin)
Michael Thomas 22 (Andy)
Tyrell Williams 22 (Cole)
Emmanuel Sanders 19 (Scott)
Julian Edelman 15 (Sneen)
Julio Jones 15 (Alec)
Odell Beckham Jr. 14 (Nick)
Chris Godwin 14 (Cole)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 13 (Andy)
Adam Thielen 13 (Andy)
Sterling Shepard 10 (Darrin)
Marvin Jones Jr. 9 (Ryan)
Davante Adams 7 (Sneen)
Brandin Cooks 5 (Ryan)
Stefon Diggs 5 (Alec)
Mike Evans 4 (Scott)
Tyreek Hill 3 (Ryan)
TE
Evan Engram 28 (Darrin)
George Kittle 13 (Cole)
David Njoku 12 (Nick)
Travis Kelce 11 (Andy)
Zach Ertz 10 (Sneen)
Hunter Henry 10 (Ryan)
Vance McDonald 6 (Alec)
Jared Cook 5 (Scott)
PK
Harrison Butker 17 (Nick)
Stephen Gostkowski 16 (Darrin)
Wil Lutz 14 (Andy)
Greg Zuerlein 14 (Ryan)
Robbie Gould 11 (Cole)
Justin Tucker 11 (Alec)
Jake Elliott 6 (Sneen)
Ka'imi Fairbairn 4 (Scott)
DF
Baltimore Ravens 14 (Andy)
Buffalo Bills 11 (Darrin)
Chicago Bears 10 (Nick)
Los Angeles Rams 9 (Sneen)
New Orleans Saints 4 (Alec)
Arizona Cardinals 2 (Cole)
Los Angeles Chargers 1 (Ryan)
Jacksonville Jaguars -8 (Scott)
Hypothetical Standings(Based on Top 4 Weekly Scorers instead of Head-to-Head Matchups)
Team ChowHounds 1-0
Is It Pronounced Navy 1-0
30 to 50 Feral Hogs 1-0
Colieveland 96ers 1-0
Tax Paying Homeowner 0-1
SNEEN MACHINE 0-1
Walter Polish Z Slayers 0-1
Team Easy Breesy 0-1
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