WRBL Week 2, 2019

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 2
Our 5th official season of blaming Cole Walters for storming Area 51 to no avail.

Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 2-0 W2
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 1-1 L1
Walter Polish Z Slayers (Scott Aschebrook) 0-2 L2
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 0-2 L4

Shooter McGavin Division
30 to 50 Feral Hogs (Andy Todd) 2-0 W3
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 2-0 W2
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 1-1 W1
Is It Pronounced Navy (Nick Zurawski) 0-2 L3

Week Two Final Scores
ANDY  137 - COLE  125
SNEEN  120 - NICK  114
ALEC  132 - SCOTT  113
DARRIN  105 - RYAN  89

Heroes of the Week: DF New England Patriots (35 points), QB Patrick Mahomes (31), QB Lamar Jackson (30)

Jim Rogash/Getty Images
Hero of the Week: DF New England Patriots (Walter Polish Z Slayers)

Zero of the Week: Aaron Donald's rogue hand (injured Drew Brees' hand)

Waiver Wonders: WR Demarcus Robinson (35 points), TE Mark Andrews (25), QB Russell Wilson (24)

Ben Margot
Waiver Wonder: WR Demarcus Robinson (7 catches, 172 yards, 2 touchdowns)

Upcoming Week 3 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Sneen vs. Darrin

Ryan vs. Nick

Cole vs. Scott

Alec vs. Andy

Thursday Night Football: Tennessee @ Jacksonville 7:20 PM

Sunday NOON: Cincinnati @ Buffalo

Miami @ Dallas

Denver @ Green Bay
Atlanta @ Indianapolis

Baltimore @ Kansas City
Oakland @ Minnesota

NY Jets @ New England
Detroit @ Oakland

3:05 PM: Carolina @ Arizona
NY Giants @ Tampa Bay

3:25 PM: Houston @ LA Chargers

New Orleans @ Seattle
Pittsburgh @ San Francisco

Sunday Night Football: LA Rams @ Cleveland 7:20 PM

Monday Night Football: Chicago @ Washington 7:15 PM

Bro...

It's Thursday, September 19th and every NFL team has played two games (Yes, even the Dolphins), do you know where your starting quarterback is? I only ask this because Ryan's Team Easy Breesy QB Drew Brees, NFL mainstay QBs Ben Roethlisberger and Nick Foles plus young Jets' project QB Sam Darnold are all out for significant lengths of time and we're not even a month into the new season. If that weren't bad enough, we've seen Patrick Mahomes (who is not Christian McCaffrey) limp in week one, Carson Wentz in the Eagles' medical tent during week two and Alec's QB Cam Newton is now week-to-week with a case of "He's probably eternally broken". It's uncharted territory we're living in and with the changing of the guard at quarterback, who knows what the leaderboards will look like at the end of the season. Lamar Jackson, Mahomes, Dak Prescott, DeShaun Watson and even Gardner Minshew are off to great starts with Daniel Jones, Mason Rudolph and Luke Falk set to make their first career starts this week to mixed expectations. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting here, drinking my kale smoothie, sacrificing lambs to the volcano gods so that Tom Brady can win another championship... for me (our second).

Not mentioned in the first paragraph but photoed here, Kyler Murray carrying the Cardinals to a not league-worst record.

Outside of the injuries, believe it or not, there were some quality NFL games in September! Sure, every single team still has some kinks to work out but there are some units that look especially solid that will establish themselves over the season or falter. Green Bay's defense went from 0 to 100 real quick and just in time with Aaron Rodgers looking more like his best days are behind him as he adjusts to Matt LaFleur and Nathaniel Hackett's new offense. There might just be four top ten defenses in the NFC North by the way and the only things that could prevent that division from having three playoff teams are the Eagles/Cowboys race, the sneaky Seahawks and their own inconsistent quarterbacks (except for Trubisky, who might just be really bad). Another surprisingly fit unit is Baltimore's offense, which looks like the best in the team's history though this small sample size of two games against the shitty Dolphins defense and the shitty Cardinals defense. Even with Lamar Jackson getting all the time in the world to throw and follow linemen to 5.0+ yards per carry, he's still shown accuracy that not even the most diehard "HE'S NOT A RUNNING BACK" truthers thought would translate so well, so quickly to the pros. The Ravens' defense is also very much in a transitional period after losing a ton of proven talent like Eric Weddle, C.J. Mosley and Terrell Suggs and replacing them with slightly younger, also-proven players like Earl Thomas, Pernell McPhee and fourth-year linebacker Patrick Onwuasor. With the Bengals Bengal'ing their way to another 6-10 or lower finish, the Browns looking nowhere near ready for primetime (Seriously, is Baker Mayfield mediocre at best right now?) and the Steelers already losing their minds and players simultaneously (0-2, James Conner minor injury, Roethlisberger, Minkah Fitzpatrick trade?, already got rid of Le'Veon Bell and Antonio Brown for nothing of note YET), the Ravens seem like a team to bet on achieving their over of 8.5 wins. 

Not achieving the over on their own Vegas odds? Nick Zurawski (Again, we're projecting A TON here). This week's crushing defeat (in a year full of crushing defeats for a known Miami sports fan) came with a real glimmer of hope on Monday Night Football as Odell Beckham Jr. made his way into the three-way tie for 2nd in league points among receivers with an 89-yard touchdown through the Jets' open-field strategy defense. Unfortunately due to game flow, that was it for the Browns' short-lived relationship with successful downfield passing and Is It Pronounced Navy is now asking "Is It Pronounced Victory?" with a six-point loss to a 2-0 SNEEN MACHINE team that might get more points once he realizes Damien Williams isn't happening. It did not help Nick's cause that none of Patrick Mahomes (who is still not Christian McCaffrey) FOUR second-quarter touchdowns landed in the hands of Sammy Watkins but instead, Demarcus Robinson twice, Travis Kelce (yay me!) once and rookie MeCole Hardman once. Speaking of MeCole Hardman... Those were the exact first words Cole Walters spoke after falling on the ice in Darrin's driveway after he won the championship.

In other WRBL games, I handed Cole his first loss of the season and promptly destroyed all evidence that I chea... I mean, destroyed all evidence that Cole was winning up until the fourth quarter of the three o'clock games. Lowkey, the only thing more shocking than Vegas-favorite Nick disappointing thus far is Scott also starting 0-2 in defense of his (tainted?) title. This week, Scott's Walter Polish Z Slayers forgot to pay their rent to the Tax Paying Homeowner himself, Alec Swanson and promptly lost in a debacle that could have been saved by starting Emmanuel Sanders and his miraculously healed Achilles over one of Jarvis Landry or Christian McCaffrey (who is not Patrick Mahomes). Meanwhile, the future is now for a surprisingly stacked Swanson team that has early breakthrough candidates for most improved player (an award that only exists in the NBA for some reason) at receiver in Marquise "Hollywood" Brown, DK Metcalf, Courtland Sutton, Kenny Golladay and D.J. Moore AND THOSE WERE ALL OF HIS BACKUP OPTIONS THIS WEEK. If he can land a quarterback more consistent than Cam Newton no longer is all of a sudden, this might be the first time I've ever taken Alec serious as anything other than a grown adult with a family and home. Forget the long-term implications of Drew Brees' thumb injury, this very week was essentially scratched off as a loss immediately once Brees hit the sideline for Team Easy Breesy. It's bad enough that Darrin is probably going to sabotage Ryan's team all year while the league's youngest defends our country but, even in a week where Team ChowHounds seemed willing to hand him a pity win, Team Easy Breesy just couldn't make it easy in their second consecutive sub-triple-digit scoring performance.

Week 3 brings the annual Thursday Night Football classic of Titans v. Jaguars, a game once dominated by the likes of Sen'Derrick Marks and Charlie Whitehurst so, get your remote ready in case one team decides to come out with their color rush jerseys on for old time's sake. Sunday has an early-season "Are they for real?" game with Lamar Jackson taking on the terrible Chiefs defense with one team leaving 3-0. The late afternoon slate is much juicier with five games than three as Kyler Murray MIGHT (Cam is questionable) take on Kyle Allen, who he lost the starting job to at Texas A&M in 2015 before both transferred. Also, the debuts of Daniel Jones, Mason Rudolph and whatever Sean Payton plans on doing with Taysom Hill (Payton has already hinted at Hill taking over WRBL Recap duties for a paragraph next week). The Sunday nighter has America's new team in Cleveland taking on the LA Rams, no pressure or anything. Most fantasy matchups should be decided on Sunday but, there is still the Bears defense (playing Washington) trying to save Nick from an 0-3 start against 0-2 Ryan and his lone Bear, Allen Robinson. I will be playing Alec in a battle that sees the NFL's top fantasy scoring RB (Austin Ekeler) through two weeks versus the eventual leading scorer at RB (Saquon Barkley, fantasy football's last "Sure thing" at his position). Along with our two 0-2's, two of the 2-0's will face off this week with Sneen taking on an absolutely loaded (but not in the alcoholic sense of that phrase) ChowHounds team now that Antonio Brown is temporarily available. Lastly, Scott takes on Cole in a thriller between two teams that have already beaten me this season. Just kidding, It's False. No Way. Not This Time. We Created It. Not This Time. No. Not This Time. It's Totally Made Up. Pure Fiction. It's Fiction. It's Fiction. We Made It Up. We Made This One Up. It's A Made Up Tale. It's A Total Fabrication. It Never Happened. It Never Happened. This One Was Invented By A Writer. Not This Time. It Never Happened. It's False. It Never Happened. It's A Fake. It's Fiction. It's An Urban Legend That Never Happened. No Way. We Got You. Not A Chance. Not This Time. It Never Happened. It Never Happened. We Made This One Up. It's Fiction. We Made Up This One. We Made It Up. Not This Time. Wrong. Not This Time. Not This Time. You're Wrong. Not This Time, It Never Happened.

Scott's season could turn around on a dime if two-time WRBL champions Mike Evans (above) and Jarvis Landry start grabbing more passes.

Scoring Leaders

QB

Patrick Mahomes 58 (Cole)
DeShaun Watson 42 (Darrin)

Carson Wentz 41 (Scott)

Lamar Jackson 30 (Nick)
Aaron Rodgers 26 (Sneen)

Tom Brady 24 (Andy)

Drew Brees 19 (Ryan)

Matt Ryan 18 (Nick)

Cam Newton 16 (Alec)

Russell Wilson 15 (Andy)

RB

Dalvin Cook 52 (Sneen)

Christian McCaffrey 48 (Scott)

Derrick Henry 45 (Darrin)

Le'Veon Bell 43 (Darrin)

Saquon Barkley 38 (Alec)

David Johnson 33 (Nick)

Marlon Mack 33 (Alec)

Ezekiel Elliott 32 (Ryan)

Josh Jacobs 32 (Nick)

Mark Ingram 31 (Andy)

Nick Chubb 30 (Scott)

Alvin Kamara 29 (Darrin)

Todd Gurley 25 (Ryan)

Damien Williams 24 (Sneen)

James Conner 23 (Sneen)

Austin Ekeler 22 (Andy)

Devonta Freeman 12 (Scott)

Leonard Fournette 10 (Nick)

Chris Thompson 9 (Cole)

Joe Mixon 8 (Cole)

Kerryon Johnson 7 (Andy)

Kenyan Drake 4 (Cole)

WR

Keenan Allen 43 (Alec)

Odell Beckham Jr. 42 (Nick)

T.Y. Hilton 42 (Cole)

Julio Jones 42 (Alec)

DeAndre Hopkins 40 (Nick)

Chris Godwin 40 (Cole)

Michael Thomas 40 (Andy)

Tyrell Williams 37 (Cole)

Amari Cooper 36 (Darrin)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 26 (Andy)

Adam Thielen 25 (Andy)

Davante Adams 24 (Sneen)

Julian Edelman 24 (Sneen)

Brandin Cooks 21 (Ryan)

Emmanuel Sanders 19 (Scott)

Marvin Jones Jr. 18 (Ryan)
Antonio Brown 15 (Darrin)

Stefon Diggs 14 (Alec)

Mike Evans 14 (Scott)

Sterling Shepard 10 (Darrin)

Sammy Watkins 10 (Nick)

Allen Robinson 8 (Ryan)

Jarvis Landry 6 (Scott)

Tyreek Hill 3 (Ryan)

TE

Evan Engram 38 (Darrin)

Travis Kelce 34 (Andy)

Vance McDonald 28 (Alec)

Zach Ertz 27 (Sneen)

George Kittle 21 (Cole)

David Njoku 12 (Nick)

Hunter Henry 10 (Ryan)

Darren Waller 10 (Nick)

Jared Cook 9 (Scott)

Delanie Walker 7 (Ryan)

PK

Wil Lutz 26 (Andy)

Justin Tucker 24 (Alec)

Greg Zuerlein 23 (Ryan)

Stephen Gostkowski 22 (Darrin)

Harrison Butker 21 (Nick)

Robbie Gould 21 (Cole)

Jake Elliott 13 (Sneen)

Ka'imi Fairbairn 11 (Scott)

DF

New England Patriots 35 (Scott)
Baltimore Ravens 18 (Andy)

Los Angeles Rams 18 (Sneen)
Buffalo Bills 16 (Darrin)

Chicago Bears 14 (Nick)

Los Angeles Chargers 8 (Ryan)

New Orleans Saints 8 (Alec)

Carolina Panthers 7 (Cole)

Arizona Cardinals 2 (Cole)

Jacksonville Jaguars -8 (Scott)

Hypothetical Standings

30 to 50 Feral Hogs 2-0

Colieveland 96ers 2-0

Team ChowHounds 1-1

Is It Pronounced Navy 1-1

Tax Paying Homeowner 1-1

SNEEN MACHINE 1-1

Walter Polish Z Slayers 0-2

Team Easy Breesy 0-2