WRBL Week 7, 2018 Recap

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 7
Our 4th official season of blaming Cole Walters for the disappearance of the Lindbergh baby.

Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division

Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 5-2 L1
grumble grumble grumble grumble (Scott Aschebrook) 4-3 W1
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 4-3 W1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 3-4 L3

Shooter McGavin Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 5-2 L1
Perfectly Balanced (Nick Zurawski) 4-3 W2
Crazy Todd's Driveway Band (Andy Todd) 2-5 W1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 1-6 L1

Week Seven Final Scores

COLE  129 RYAN  122
NICK  125  ALEC  100
ANDY  139 DARRIN  95
SCOTT  133 SNEEN  83


Heroes of the Week: RB Kareem Hunt (Andy), QB Patrick Mahomes (Scott), RB Todd Gurley (Ryan)

Reed Hoffman/AP
Hero of the Week: RB Kareem Hunt (Crazy Todd's Driveway Band)

Waiver Wonders: DF Denver Broncos (33 points), RB Marlon Mack (31), QB Mitchell Trubisky (31)

James P. McCoy/Buffalo News
Waiver Wonder: RB Marlon Mack (159 Total Yards, 2 TDs, 1 2 Pt. Conversion)

Zeros of the Week: Owner Tyler Sneen, Owner Alec Swanson

Upcoming Week 8 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Andy vs. Scott

Nick vs. Darrin

Cole vs. Alec

Sneen vs. Ryan

Thursday: Miami @ Houston 7:20 PM

Sunday Morning London Game: Philadelphia vs. Jacksonville IN LONDON 8:30 AM

Sunday: NY Jets @ Chicago NOON

Tampa Bay @ Cincinnati NOON

Seattle @ Detroit NOON

Denver @ Kansas City NOON

Washington @ NY Giants NOON

Cleveland @ Pittsburgh NOON

Baltimore @ Carolina NOON

Indianapolis @ Oakland 3:05 PM

Green Bay @ LA Rams 3:25 PM

San Francisco @ Arizona 3:25 PM

New Orleans @ Minnesota 7:20 PM

Monday: New England @ Buffalo 7:15 PM

Bye Weeks: Atlanta, Dallas, Tennessee, LA Chargers

Bro...

Some people think meditation is relaxing, some people find this internet phenomenon ASMR relaxing, others just check their fantasy matchup and see that Aaron Rodgers, Antonio Brown and Jimmy Graham are on bye week. Personally, that third option is the most relaxing of them all as Darrin Aschebrook's weaker week seven lineup led to my second victory of the season and no amount of whispering into a microphone or deep breaths will match the pure euphoria I experienced witnessing T.Y. Hilton score twice as the Chiefs muted Cincinnati's offense. Also relaxing, watching the Chargers and Titans sleepwalk their way to a failed two-point conversion that could potentially decide the AFC wildcard race with no stakes in either team at 11 AM. The London game is typically a difficult watch but, what can I say? As someone who works from 2-11 on Sundays, I enjoy the shit out of seeing a full NFL game once a week, no matter the teams (just don't make me watch Jason Garrett coach ever again, literally any network). Luckily, my next two Sundays are off-days for me as well with one being my TD-only league's midseason draft (This Sunday) and another just being a random Sunday fun day. I look forward to tracking all the fantasy points with/against you guys and hopefully, the game-time conversations are more in-depth than any previous week and who knows, maybe we can even schedule an end-of-year meeting more than a few days in advance? (Now, I'm just talking crazy).

W Magazine on Youtube.com
The only thing more 2018 than Cardi B doing an ASMR video would be if she capped it off with a Fortnite dance.

I don't think the Brewers are going to win the World Series, you guys... It's Red Sox-Dodgers in the Fall classic and if there's one thing we should all know by now, it's that Boston will absolutely sweep the floor with the experienced-yet-constantly-underwhelming Dodgers. Is 4 championships with 3 different managers, 3 different front offices and no key player on all four teams considered a dynasty? I say no. Congratulations to Red Sox GM Dave Dombrowski on living up to his name as a guy that will sell every single prospect in one's organization (see: Yoan Moncada, Anderson Espinoza, Michael Kopech, etc.) in order to play highly-priced, proven veterans like the J.D. Martinez, Ian Kinsler, David Price and Chris Sale. It's a gamble that has not really payed off in baseball for a few years now but, Boston seems on pace to grab at least one title out of it (they are up 2-0 in the 7-game series as I type this). As for the Dodgers, I'm happy to see my fantasy players Clayton Kershaw, Rich Hill and Yasiel Puig succeed but again, that ring is out of reach as long as Boston's offense continues on this powerful path they're on. 

In football news, HOLY TRADES! Amari Cooper is a Cowboy! Eli Apple to the Saints! Damon "Snacks" Harrison is a Lion! Carlos Hyde is a Jaguar? (Why?) and now, Patrick Peterson, Demaryius Thomas and Derek Carr are all reportedly available. The NFL embracing the trade deadline is the most exciting development of the past couple seasons because there's nothing more painful to watch than someone supremely talented waste their time getting beaten up for a team that is going absolutely nowhere (see: Aaron Rodgers, Odell Beckham Jr., David Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald and Russell Wilson). Speaking of getting beaten up, Marshawn Lynch, Bilal Powell and Sony Michel are all out of action for a while for three very different injuries (Lynch on IR, Powell's career may be over and Michel is week-to-week with an arm thing). If it weren't for all of these roster moves, the biggest news of the week would still be Blake Bortles getting benched for Cody Kessler, only to get second-team snaps and still start this Sunday for some reason. 

USA TODAY Sports
Cody Kessler kept it safe on Sunday, which was the wrong choice as Blake Bortles still holds the higher ceiling at quarterback in Jacksonville.

In the WRBL, Julio Jones' refusal to score a touchdown through seven games ended up costing the first-place Team Easy Breesy a win against the Colieveland 96ers. Thanks to Tevin Coleman being just mediocre enough to get by, Cole was the victor of this matchup by just seven points. All six of the owners not involved in this match would like to thank Cole for squishing the standings a little bit closer from top-to-bottom. Another reason for the standings feeling more claustrophobic this week compared to any previous? Melvin Gordon's random injury that wasn't really news until Saturday afternoon went undetected by the formerly 5-1 Tax Paying Homeowner Alec Swanson. If he had detected this news, he could have started Tarik Cohen's 21 points and maybe even added Crazy Todd's RB Austin Ekeler ahead of time and gotten enough points to outdo Nick's 125-point week. Instead, Allen Robinson and an inactive Melvin Gordon combined for one more fantasy point than Josh Tiffany this weekend and now, Nick sits one game behind Ryan in the Steven Nett division and the Shooter McGavin division isn't over yet. We already covered Crazy Todd's Driveway Band's Crazy Odd Bye Week Win over Team ChowHounds but, an underrated aspect of this blowout was the unfortunate head injury sustained by the usually elite RB LeSean McCoy (he finished with 0 points this Sunday). Hopefully, the Bills' RB can rediscover his touches and win back fantasy owners going ahead once he returns to action. Lastly, Scott didn't need Andy's three best players to beat the hell out of Tyler Sneen's lackluster team but, he has them now anyway so, it is officially time to panic and trade if you are anyone besides Scott because any team with Joe Mixon, Patrick Mahomes, Odell Beckham Jr., the league's best fantasy defense (LA Rams) and Christian McCaffrey is one team to be feared. Maybe it's time to start dealing for picks, Sneen?

The timing to trade my three best players to Scott could not be better as now I get the opportunity to take them all on for the first time as it's Driveway Band versus grumblegrumblegrumblegrumble. The duel of the two teams' whose names only exist because of Nick Zurawski. This will only end one of two ways, I stun the world and eek out a victory thanks to Josh Gordon, O.J. Howard and whatever defense is playing Derek Anderson this week (New England Patriots! Come on down!!!) or I lose by 70+ points and sleep easy knowing I can just keep Kareem Hunt and waste two more first-round picks on running backs in 2019. The momentary hope we all experienced this week will immediately be washed away by Tyler Sneen mismanaging his machine of a team somehow and Team Easy Breesy could/should bounce back to a 6-2 record. Somebody should call the repair man because this Sneen Machine is broken (-live studio audience applause-). Nick playing Darrin could be good for Ryan as well if Aaron Rodgers and Antonio Brown's returns are enough to steer the ChowHound ship in the right direction after a 3-game losing streak and both teams end the weekend at 4-4. Now, there are some good games in the NFL this week like the Packers vs. the Rams, the rematch of the Browns-Steelers Week 1 tie and the Saints-Vikings rematch after Stefon Diggs altered the NFL history books last postseason but, I'm a WRBL man first and foremost so, 4-3 Cole going against 5-2 Alec in a battle of "who's going to blow this season first?" is what really rustles my jimmies (RIP Jimmy Garoppolo; he was rustled too viciously). Does anybody else want to see Alec jump into a snowbank for Joe Mixon and Amari Cooper? Because Cole's nipples have gotten old and while those are also on the table, the WRBL Reviews are all about content and if we can get MarShawnson Lynch poses to warm our bitter, frigid winter hearts than the season will have been a success. Just do it before our Halloween trade deadline, Scott or face more grumbles.

Scott Aschebrook walking into commissioner Nick Zurawski's league office on November 1st.

Scoring Leaders

QB

Patrick Mahomes 185 (Andy/Scott)

Matt Ryan 164 (Alec)

Drew Brees 138 (Ryan)

Cam Newton 135 (Nick)

Tom Brady 131 (Sneen)

Aaron Rodgers 128 (Darrin)

DeShaun Watson 68 (Cole)

Russell Wilson 61 (Scott/Andy)

Carson Wentz 35 (Scott/Ryan)

Andrew Luck 33 (Cole)

Jared Goff 29 (Andy)

Ryan Fitzpatrick 24 (Cole)
Philip Rivers 22 (Nick)
Andy Dalton 7 (Darrin)

RB

Todd Gurley 200 (Ryan)

Saquon Barkley 178 (Alec)

Melvin Gordon 157 (Alec)

Alvin Kamara 153 (Darrin)

Kareem Hunt 140 (Andy)

James White 137 (Darrin)

James Conner 135 (Cole)

Ezekiel Elliott 119 (Nick)

Christian McCaffrey 106 (Scott)

David Johnson 97 (Scott/Andy)

Tevin Coleman 63 (Cole)

Isaiah Crowell 53 (Sneen)

Joe Mixon 52 (Andy)

T.J. Yeldon 51 (Nick)

Jordan Howard 46 (Ryan)

Giovani Bernard 43 (Nick)

LeSean McCoy 42 (Darrin)

Sony Michel 41 (Sneen)

Matt Breida 35 (Andy)

Mark Ingram 27 (Scott)

Kenyan Drake 26 (Nick)

Dalvin Cook 24 (Andy)

Phillip Lindsay 22 (Ryan)

Adrian Peterson 18 (Ryan)
Carlos Hyde 17 (Scott)

Chris Thompson 17 (Scott)

Javorius Allen 16 (Darrin)

Jamaal Williams 16 (Sneen)
Marshawn Lynch 14 (Cole)

Devonta Freeman 12 (Sneen)
Austin Ekeler 11 (Andy)
Leonard Fournette 8 (Cole)

Alex Collins 7 (Sneen)

Dion Lewis 5 (Nick)

Peyton Barber 3 (Cole)

WR

Adam Thielen 177 (Cole)

Tyreek Hill 152 (Alec)

Davante Adams 137 (Scott)

DeAndre Hopkins 137 (Nick)

Julio Jones 130 (Ryan)

Michael Thomas 128 (Ryan)

A.J. Green 125 (Cole)

Antonio Brown 122 (Darrin)

Stefon Diggs 114 (Alec)

Mike Evans 111 (Scott)

Odell Beckham Jr. 105 (Andy)

Keenan Allen 97 (Nick)

JuJu Smith-Schuster 94 (Sneen)

Demaryius Thomas 85 (Darrin)

Jarvis Landry 80 (Scott)

T.Y. Hilton 79 (Andy)

Brandin Cooks 54 (Nick)

Robert Woods 49 (Sneen)

Emmanuel Sanders 43 (Cole)

Golden Tate 39 (Ryan)

Cooper Kupp 34 (Alec)

Chris Hogan 27 (Sneen)

Alshon Jeffery 27 (Ryan)
Sterling Shepard 21 (Andy)

Larry Fitzgerald 19 (Cole)

Allen Robinson 19 (Alec)

Will Fuller 17 (Sneen)
Julian Edelman 15 (Nick)

Nelson Agholor 13 (Ryan)

Keelan Cole 12 (Andy)
Sammy Watkins 11 (Sneen)
Chris Godwin 10 (Darrin)
Jamison Crowder 9 (Andy)
Josh Gordon 9 (Andy)
Tyler Boyd 5 (Cole)
Kenny Golladay 5 (Scott)
Amari Cooper 1 (Alec)

TE

Zach Ertz 128 (Sneen)

Travis Kelce 109 (Nick)

George Kittle 82 (Cole)

Jimmy Graham 65 (Darrin)

Rob Gronkowski 55 (Sneen)

Eric Ebron 54 (Ryan)

David Njoku 45 (Alec)

Jared Cook 40 (Scott)
Trey Burton 39 (Alec)

Jordan Reed 39 (Scott)

Kyle Rudolph 39 (Ryan)

Evan Engram 28 (Andy)

Austin Hooper 22 (Andy)

Benjamin Watson 10 (Andy)
C.J. Uzomah 9 (Darrin)
Delanie Walker 9 (Cole)

Greg Olsen 5 (Ryan)

K

Harrison Butker 71 (Andy)

Stephen Gostkowski 68 (Nick)

Justin Tucker 64 (Scott)

Mason Crosby 62 (Sneen)

Wil Lutz 58 (Alec)

Matt Bryant 52 (Cole)

Robbie Gould 44 (Darrin)

Matt Prater 42 (Ryan/Cole)

Greg Zuerlein 29 (Ryan)
Dan Bailey 13 (Darrin)
Cairo Santos 10 (Ryan)
Adam Vinatieri 5 (Nick)
Graham Gano 3 (Alec)

Chris Boswell 2 (Darrin)

DF

Los Angeles Rams 68 (Scott)

Baltimore Ravens 52 (Darrin/Andy)

Houston Texans 49 (Sneen/Nick)

Jacksonville Jaguars 40 (Alec)

Philadelphia Eagles 33 (Ryan)

Green Bay Packers 29 (Sneen)

Chicago Bears 27 (Andy)
Cleveland Browns 19 (Nick/Darrin)

Los Angeles Chargers 18 (Nick)

Indianapolis Colts 16 (Andy)

Minnesota Vikings 16 (Cole)

Carolina Panthers 14 (Cole)

New England Patriots 7 (Nick)
Arizona Cardinals 3 (Cole)

New York Jets 1 (Darrin)
Denver Broncos -2 (Nick)

New Orleans Saints -4 (Andy)

Hypothetical Standings

Tax Paying Homeowner 5-2

Team Easy Breesy 4-3

Perfectly Balanced 4-3

Colieveland 96ers 4-3

Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble 4-3

Team ChowHounds 4-3

Crazy Todd's Driveway Band 2-5

SNEEN MACHINE 1-6