Week 16
Our 4th semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for prioritizing the new Star Wars movie over the league.
#3 Team Easy Breesy 135 #1 The Engine That Could 118
#4 Scott Bless Scott Damn 17 #2 Tremendous Big League 10
#6 SNEEN MACHINE 106 #5 Launders Money With The WRPD 85
#8 Team ChowHounds 109 #7 Colieveland 96ers 89
Heroes of the Week: RB Todd Gurley (Dougherty), RB Dion Lewis (Todd), RB C.J. Anderson (Aschebrook Sr.)
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| Hero of the Week: RB Todd Gurley (Team Easy Breesy) |
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| Zero of the Week: Definitely not this dog but, the other guy (Colieveland 96ers) |
Washington @ NY Giants NOON
NY Jets @ New England NOON
NY Jets @ New England NOON
Chicago @ Minnesota NOON
Green Bay @ Detroit NOON
Houston @ Indianapolis NOON
Cleveland @ Pittsburgh NOON
Dallas @ Philadelphia NOON
San Francisco @ LA Rams 3:25 PM
Oakland @ LA Chargers 3:25 PM
Kansas City @ Denver 3:25 PM
Jacksonville @ Tennessee 3:25 PM
New Orleans @ Tampa Bay 3:25 PM
Buffalo @ Miami 3:25 PM
Arizona @ Seattle 3:25 PM
Carolina @ Atlanta 3:25 PM
Cincinnati @ Baltimore 3:25 PM
Jacksonville @ Tennessee 3:25 PM
New Orleans @ Tampa Bay 3:25 PM
Buffalo @ Miami 3:25 PM
Arizona @ Seattle 3:25 PM
Carolina @ Atlanta 3:25 PM
Cincinnati @ Baltimore 3:25 PM
NOTE #1: All Week 17 Games are on Sunday.
NOTE #2: WRBL Year In Review, happening before next season.
Bro...
There was no other way for the season to end, frankly. After deciding to vote out Evan Moon as a league owner after he tanked and traded his way through the 2016 WRBL season, we decided we wanted a more competitive owner to balance the sanctity of our league and a more competitive owner we received. Of course, nobody was expecting teenaged Ryan Dougherty to just utterly destroy the league on a weekly basis by finishing 15-1 in the Hypothetical Standings. There were still some scheduling conflicts that helped most onlookers overlook Team Easy Breesy as his team fell to the third seed in the playoffs with a 9-5 record thanks to some tough-break losses to teams on their best weeks. This week, It all came down to one player defining the league for a third consecutive season. That player? Rams' running back Todd Gurley.
As is a now annual tradition, a big thank you is in order to the Aschebrook household for hosting our league meeting during the Ravens-Colts game. Many notable rule changes were made this time around that will be further explored heading into the 2018 season and many, many rules were proposed but, just barely shot down by a 3-5 vote or coin flips. For example, we ALMOST had a revolutionary scheduling rule change where the league would have playoffs every week, five championships in total through week 15 until the ULTIMATE championship between the two teams that earned the most previous in-season championships! Confused yet? I know Tyler Sneen was. Thankfully, our only revolutionary changes were the addition of a trophy for last place that will be a mold of Cole Walters' buttocks and now, Cole must take 250 unique photos of his nipples or surrender DeShaun Watson to Nick Zurawski as repayment for not sending weekly nipple photos to complete an earlier Watson-for-Carr-plus-photos trade that will forever make me shake my head. Another big thank you is owed to both Buffalo Wild Wings and Scott Aschebrook for turning the uneventful Viking-Packer game into an enjoyable evening chilling with bros in Plover. If I knew I was going to get sick within hours of leaving Portage county Sunday morning (just a cold), I still would have done it all over again because dammit, I was not letting the train from hell stop me from attending a league meeting. Of course, there was still a hint of disappointment in the air between that shitty Viking-Packer game and the NCAA Football game freezing on us but, nothing compared to the overwhelming void that was left by Cole Walters' absence. We all understand that this past weekend was leading into the Christmas holiday and that seeing the new Star Wars is a huge priority on many league owners' lists but, no-showing the end-of-season meeting when you currently hold the league's championship trophy in your possession is an outrageous act of almost unforgivable proportions barring a medical emergency. From worst to first to just the plain old worst, Cole Walters is your Zero of the Week.
In actual WRBL action this week, a deal was made that Nick and Scott would let their kickers do the talking as there really are no rewards or punishments for the third-place game that is either the most or least depressing final playoff game. At the end of Christmas, Chris Boswell was upset by Harrison Butker, 10-17. In the matchup for fifth that nobody cares about, Sneen and his machine hung on for a 21-point win over the team with both a First Team All-Bro Quarterback (Wilson) and a First Team All-Bro Running Back (Bell) in Alec's Launders Money With The WRPD. On to the big stuff, Cole and Darrin's rematch of last season's Shelby Bowl was slightly more forgettable as neither team had a 96-point lead and Cole's team had a much shittier outing so, we barely heard a peep from either owner as Darrin literally handed Cole's own ass to him in a 109-89 final that gives Cole an astonishing 8-game losing streak to end the season that was only topped by Darrin's 9-game dumpfest to kick off the 2017 season. Lastly, it was either Ryan going 100% on years in the league that he's won The Shelby or Andy's name taking 2/3rds of the spots for winners on The Shelby's newly-proposed plaque. Interestingly enough, not a single player performed above expectations besides three of the eighteen players involved in our championship matchup and I had two of those players. Kareem Hunt made a somewhat surprising return to former glory as he dropped one last 20-point performance on a member of the Aschebrook/Dougherty family and Dion Lewis (fresh off Nick's team and the waiver wire) went for a stunning 31 points with both Rex Burkhead and James White inactive for the Patriots. With eight of Ryan's nine players not blowing anybody away and my team surviving through some key Championship week injuries (Michael Thomas, Joe Mixon, the sudden absence of Greg Zuerlein), it was my championship to lose and lose it I very well did.
Week 16 saw fantasy leagues both won and lost because of one player. In some leagues, that player was Dion Lewis and in others, it could have been that fluky-as-all-hell Eagles defensive touchdown. In my non-playoff, TD-only league, my father and I actually gained control of first place because somebody started JuJu Smith-Schuster over Julio Jones(!!!). Fantasy Football is fucking hilarious sometimes and many times irony is the cause of humorous moments. It wasn't just Todd Gurley that won me the championship in 2015 but, his late rushing touchdown against the Seahawks was enough to push me into the lead over Tyler and luckily for me, I never looked back. It also wasn't just Todd Gurley that booted me down into the consolation bracket last season but, his shitty offensive line and Jeff Fisher: Destroyer of good football certainly did not help. This year, I absolutely considered drafting the former Georgia Bulldog for his third NFL season so that I might keep him for years to come but alas, I was too timid in my boldness this draft season and rookie Ryan swiped him away ahead of the pick I know I planned on taking Gurley. Of course it came down to Ryan and I in the finals, fate would not have had it any other way. I certainly did my part to help keep The Shelby within Ryan's eyesight with Dak Prescott's 5 points starting over Blake Bortles 22 and another solid 17-point performance by Duke Johnson Jr. just chilling on my bench when Joe Mixon hurt his ankle and simultaneously, my feelings but at the end of it all, Todd Gurley WON Ryan The Shelby this year. In previous seasons when asked who they thought the league MVP was, the victorious owner would contemplate for a few seconds between Elite Player #1 and Clutch Player #2 and both Delanie Walker and Antonio Brown were eventually declared league MVPs. Never before has an owner responded to the "In your opinion, who should be league MVP?" question as quickly as Ryan responded to my message the other day with an emphatic "Definitely Todd Gurley". 48 points by a single player is going to be hard to top as a new Shelby Bowl record. Congratulations to rookie Ryan Dougherty, I'm sure everybody's ready for the sophomore slump.
* = Rookie
Bro...
There was no other way for the season to end, frankly. After deciding to vote out Evan Moon as a league owner after he tanked and traded his way through the 2016 WRBL season, we decided we wanted a more competitive owner to balance the sanctity of our league and a more competitive owner we received. Of course, nobody was expecting teenaged Ryan Dougherty to just utterly destroy the league on a weekly basis by finishing 15-1 in the Hypothetical Standings. There were still some scheduling conflicts that helped most onlookers overlook Team Easy Breesy as his team fell to the third seed in the playoffs with a 9-5 record thanks to some tough-break losses to teams on their best weeks. This week, It all came down to one player defining the league for a third consecutive season. That player? Rams' running back Todd Gurley.
As is a now annual tradition, a big thank you is in order to the Aschebrook household for hosting our league meeting during the Ravens-Colts game. Many notable rule changes were made this time around that will be further explored heading into the 2018 season and many, many rules were proposed but, just barely shot down by a 3-5 vote or coin flips. For example, we ALMOST had a revolutionary scheduling rule change where the league would have playoffs every week, five championships in total through week 15 until the ULTIMATE championship between the two teams that earned the most previous in-season championships! Confused yet? I know Tyler Sneen was. Thankfully, our only revolutionary changes were the addition of a trophy for last place that will be a mold of Cole Walters' buttocks and now, Cole must take 250 unique photos of his nipples or surrender DeShaun Watson to Nick Zurawski as repayment for not sending weekly nipple photos to complete an earlier Watson-for-Carr-plus-photos trade that will forever make me shake my head. Another big thank you is owed to both Buffalo Wild Wings and Scott Aschebrook for turning the uneventful Viking-Packer game into an enjoyable evening chilling with bros in Plover. If I knew I was going to get sick within hours of leaving Portage county Sunday morning (just a cold), I still would have done it all over again because dammit, I was not letting the train from hell stop me from attending a league meeting. Of course, there was still a hint of disappointment in the air between that shitty Viking-Packer game and the NCAA Football game freezing on us but, nothing compared to the overwhelming void that was left by Cole Walters' absence. We all understand that this past weekend was leading into the Christmas holiday and that seeing the new Star Wars is a huge priority on many league owners' lists but, no-showing the end-of-season meeting when you currently hold the league's championship trophy in your possession is an outrageous act of almost unforgivable proportions barring a medical emergency. From worst to first to just the plain old worst, Cole Walters is your Zero of the Week.
In actual WRBL action this week, a deal was made that Nick and Scott would let their kickers do the talking as there really are no rewards or punishments for the third-place game that is either the most or least depressing final playoff game. At the end of Christmas, Chris Boswell was upset by Harrison Butker, 10-17. In the matchup for fifth that nobody cares about, Sneen and his machine hung on for a 21-point win over the team with both a First Team All-Bro Quarterback (Wilson) and a First Team All-Bro Running Back (Bell) in Alec's Launders Money With The WRPD. On to the big stuff, Cole and Darrin's rematch of last season's Shelby Bowl was slightly more forgettable as neither team had a 96-point lead and Cole's team had a much shittier outing so, we barely heard a peep from either owner as Darrin literally handed Cole's own ass to him in a 109-89 final that gives Cole an astonishing 8-game losing streak to end the season that was only topped by Darrin's 9-game dumpfest to kick off the 2017 season. Lastly, it was either Ryan going 100% on years in the league that he's won The Shelby or Andy's name taking 2/3rds of the spots for winners on The Shelby's newly-proposed plaque. Interestingly enough, not a single player performed above expectations besides three of the eighteen players involved in our championship matchup and I had two of those players. Kareem Hunt made a somewhat surprising return to former glory as he dropped one last 20-point performance on a member of the Aschebrook/Dougherty family and Dion Lewis (fresh off Nick's team and the waiver wire) went for a stunning 31 points with both Rex Burkhead and James White inactive for the Patriots. With eight of Ryan's nine players not blowing anybody away and my team surviving through some key Championship week injuries (Michael Thomas, Joe Mixon, the sudden absence of Greg Zuerlein), it was my championship to lose and lose it I very well did.
 |
| Harrison "The Buttkicker" Butker single-footedly put Scott in third place. |
Week 16 saw fantasy leagues both won and lost because of one player. In some leagues, that player was Dion Lewis and in others, it could have been that fluky-as-all-hell Eagles defensive touchdown. In my non-playoff, TD-only league, my father and I actually gained control of first place because somebody started JuJu Smith-Schuster over Julio Jones(!!!). Fantasy Football is fucking hilarious sometimes and many times irony is the cause of humorous moments. It wasn't just Todd Gurley that won me the championship in 2015 but, his late rushing touchdown against the Seahawks was enough to push me into the lead over Tyler and luckily for me, I never looked back. It also wasn't just Todd Gurley that booted me down into the consolation bracket last season but, his shitty offensive line and Jeff Fisher: Destroyer of good football certainly did not help. This year, I absolutely considered drafting the former Georgia Bulldog for his third NFL season so that I might keep him for years to come but alas, I was too timid in my boldness this draft season and rookie Ryan swiped him away ahead of the pick I know I planned on taking Gurley. Of course it came down to Ryan and I in the finals, fate would not have had it any other way. I certainly did my part to help keep The Shelby within Ryan's eyesight with Dak Prescott's 5 points starting over Blake Bortles 22 and another solid 17-point performance by Duke Johnson Jr. just chilling on my bench when Joe Mixon hurt his ankle and simultaneously, my feelings but at the end of it all, Todd Gurley WON Ryan The Shelby this year. In previous seasons when asked who they thought the league MVP was, the victorious owner would contemplate for a few seconds between Elite Player #1 and Clutch Player #2 and both Delanie Walker and Antonio Brown were eventually declared league MVPs. Never before has an owner responded to the "In your opinion, who should be league MVP?" question as quickly as Ryan responded to my message the other day with an emphatic "Definitely Todd Gurley". 48 points by a single player is going to be hard to top as a new Shelby Bowl record. Congratulations to rookie Ryan Dougherty, I'm sure everybody's ready for the sophomore slump.
* = Rookie
First Team All-Bro
QB - Russell Wilson (Alec Swanson)
RB - Todd Gurley (Ryan Dougherty)
WR - Antonio Brown (Nick Zurawski)
WR - DeAndre Hopkins (Nick Zurawski)
TE - Travis Kelce (Andy Todd)
FLEX - Kareem Hunt* (Andy Todd)
K - Stephen Gostkowski (Tyler Sneen)
D/ST - Minnesota Vikings (Tyler Sneen)
Second Team All-Bro
QB - Tom Brady (Tyler Sneen)
RB - Melvin Gordon (Cole Walters)
RB - LeSean McCoy (Ryan Dougherty)
WR - Michael Thomas (Andy Todd)
WR - Julio Jones (Tyler Sneen)
TE - Rob Gronkowski (Scott Aschebrook)
FLEX - Alvin Kamara* (Darrin Aschebrook)
K - Matt Bryant (Darrin Aschebrook/Alec Swanson)
D/ST - Jacksonville Jaguars (Nick Zurawski)
Scoring Leaders
QB
Russell Wilson 312 (SWANSON)
Tom Brady 270 (SNEEN)
Cam Newton 168 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ben Roethlisberger 126 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Alex Smith 99 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Matt Ryan 96 (WALTERS)
Matthew Stafford 91 (ZURAWSKI/WALTERS)
Derek Carr 66 (ZURAWSKI)
Philip Rivers 51 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK JR./ZURAWSKI)
Marcus Mariota 25 (DOUGHERTY/ZURAWSKI)
Andy Dalton 18 (WALTERS)
Case Keenum 17 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jared Goff 9 (WALTERS)
Mitchell Trubisky 9 (SWANSON)
Kirk Cousins 7 (SNEEN)
Brett Hundley 7 (WALTERS)
Kirk Cousins 7 (SNEEN)
Brett Hundley 7 (WALTERS)
RB
Todd Gurley 332 (DOUGHERTY)
Kareem Hunt 264 (TODD)
LeSean McCoy 247 (DOUGHERTY)
Mark Ingram 209 (ZURAWSKI)
Christian McCaffrey 183 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Devonta Freeman 164 (SNEEN)
Carlos Hyde 106 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
C.J. Anderson 91 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Latavius Murray 72 (SNEEN)
Chris Thompson 56 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ameer Abdullah 53 (TODD)
Frank Gore 52 (TODD/SNEEN)
James White 47 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jerick McKinnon 45 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Marshawn Lynch 42 (ZURAWSKI)
Samaje Perine 40 (TODD)
Dalvin Cook 27 (DOUGHERTY)
Matt Forte' 24 (SWANSON)
Adrian Peterson 21 (ZURAWSKI)
Doug Martin 20 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Isaiah Crowell 18 (TODD/WALTERS)
Danny Woodhead 16 (SNEEN)
David Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Rex Burkhead 8 (TODD)
Chris Ivory 8 (WALTERS)
Rex Burkhead 8 (TODD)
Chris Ivory 8 (WALTERS)
Bilal Powell 8 (WALTERS/ZURAWSKI)
Jamaal Williams 8 (WALTERS)
Aaron Jones 5 (WALTERS)
Paul Perkins 3 (TODD)
WR
Antonio Brown 305 (ZURAWSKI)
Michael Thomas 236 (TODD)
Julio Jones 231 (SNEEN)
Jarvis Landry 211 (WALTERS)
Demaryius Thomas 181 (SNEEN)
Brandin Cooks 159 (SWANSON)
Mike Evans 147 (DOUGHERTY)
Dez Bryant 142 (SWANSON)
Davante Adams 131 (WALTERS)
Golden Tate 99 (DOUGHERTY)
Emmanuel Sanders 87 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Chris Hogan 81 (TODD)
Odell Beckham Jr. 71 (TODD)
Marvin Jones 70 (DOUGHERTY)
Sterling Shepard 57 (TODD)
Pierre Garcon 46 (SNEEN)
Jamison Crowder 45 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Marqise Lee 41 (SNEEN)
Danny Amendola 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Randall Cobb 27 (ASCHEBROOK JR./DOUGHERTY)
Nelson Agholor 24 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Devin Funchess 22 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Terrelle Pryor 22 (SWANSON)
Alshon Jeffery 20 (ZURAWSKI)
Mohamed Sanu 16 (TODD)
Kelvin Benjamin 15 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Ted Ginn Jr. 15 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
T.Y. Hilton 8 (TODD)
Corey Davis 7 (TODD)
Corey Davis 7 (TODD)
Eric Decker 7 (SNEEN)
Rishard Matthews 7 (DOUGHERTY)
Marquise Goodwin 6 (SNEEN)
Rishard Matthews 7 (DOUGHERTY)
Marquise Goodwin 6 (SNEEN)
Sammy Watkins 2 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
John Brown 1 (DOUGHERTY)
Mike Wallace 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
TE
Travis Kelce 226 (TODD)
Zach Ertz 144 (SNEEN)
Delanie Walker 100 (SWANSON)
Hunter Henry 68 (DOUGHERTY)
Vernon Davis 29 (SNEEN/DOUGHERTY)
Charles Clay 28 (DOUGHERTY)
Cameron Brate 23 (SWANSON)
Jared Cook 13 (WALTERS/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Greg Olsen 5 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tyler Eifert 1 (SWANSON)
Tyler Kroft 1 (TODD)
Tyler Kroft 1 (TODD)
K
Stephen Gostkowski 152 (SNEEN)
Matt Bryant 139 (ASCHEBROOK SR./SWANSON)
Matt Prater 119 (WALTERS/SWANSON)
Chris Boswell 83 (TODD/ZURAWSKI)
Harrison Butker 68 (ZURAWSKI/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Dan Bailey 42 (SWANSON/TODD)
Kai Forbath 30 (TODD/WALTERS)
Giorgio Tavecchio 27 (TODD)
Ryan Succop 26 (WALTERS/SNEEN)
Robbie Gould 18 (SWANSON/DOUGHERTY)
DF
Minnesota Vikings 110 (SNEEN)
Los Angeles Rams 96 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Baltimore Ravens 92 (WALTERS/DOUGHERTY)
Carolina Panthers 58 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Denver Broncos 56 (DOUGHERTY/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Pittsburgh Steelers 54 (TODD/WALTERS/SWANSON)
Los Angeles Chargers 45 (SWANSON/DOUGHERTY)
Arizona Cardinals 37 (ZURAWSKI/DOUGHERTY/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Cincinnati Bengals 24 (WALTERS)
Tennessee Titans 21 (WALTERS)
New England Patriots 17 (TODD)
Chicago Bears 16 (ZURAWSKI/WALTERS)
New Orleans Saints 13 (DOUGHERTY/WALTERS)
Atlanta Falcons 10 (SWANSON)
Washington 5 (WALTERS)
Miami Dolphins 4 (ZURAWSKI)
San Francisco 49ers 3 (ZURAWSKI)
New York Giants -2 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Final Hypothetical Standings
Team Easy Breesy 15-1
Launders Money With The WRPD 7-9
Colieveland 96ers 7-9
Scott Bless Scott Damn 6-10
SNEEN MACHINE 6-10
Team ChowHounds 5-11
Tremendous Big League 9-7
The Engine That Could 9-7Launders Money With The WRPD 7-9
Colieveland 96ers 7-9
Scott Bless Scott Damn 6-10
SNEEN MACHINE 6-10
Team ChowHounds 5-11
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