Our 4th semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for sneaky erorrs in spelling.
Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 2-0 W2
The Engine That Could (Andy Todd) 2-0 W2
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 1-1 W1
Tremendous Big League (Nick Zurawski) 1-1 L1
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 1-1 L1
Scott Bless Scott Damn (Scott Aschebrook) 1-1 W1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 0-2 L2
Kissin' TDs (Alec Swanson) 0-2 L5
Week Two Final Scores
DOUGHERTY 135 ASCHEBROOK SR. 125
TODD 123 WALTERS 113
SNEEN 150 ZURAWSKI 115
ASCHEBROOK JR. 83 SWANSON 68
912
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| Hero of the Week: WR Michael Crabtree (Tremendous Big League) |
Heroes of the Week: WR Michael Crabtree (Zurawski), QB Tom Brady (Sneen), RB C.J. Anderson (Aschebrook Sr.)
Zero of the Week: RB Jordan Howard (Swanson)
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| Zero of the Week: RB Jordan Howard (Kissin' TDs) |
Upcoming Week 3 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Cole vs. Scott
Ryan vs. Nick
Alec vs. Andy
Darrin vs. Tyler
Thursday: LA Rams @ San Francisco 7:25 PM
Sunday: (LONDON GAME) Baltimore vs. Jacksonville 8:30 AM
Denver @ Buffalo NOON
New Orleans @ Carolina NOON
Pittsburgh @ Chicago NOON
Atlanta @ Detroit NOON
Cleveland @ Indianapolis NOON
Tampa Bay @ Minnesota NOON
Houston @ New England NOON
Miami @ NY Jets NOON
NY Giants @ Philadelphia NOON
Seattle @ Tennessee 3:05 PM
Cincinnati @ Green Bay 3:25 PM
Kansas City @ LA Chargers 3:25 PM
Oakland @ Washington 7:30 PM
Monday: Dallas @ Arizona 7:30 PM
Marcus Mariota 18 (DOUGHERTY)
Leonard Fournette 35 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
LeSean McCoy 29 (DOUGHERTY)
James White 17 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
David Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Marshawn Lynch 9 (ZURAWSKI)
WR
Antonio Brown 40 (ZURAWSKI)
Stefon Diggs 28 (DOUGHERTY)
Mike Evans 22 (DOUGHERTY)
Doug Baldwin 20 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Keenan Allen 19 (DOUGHERTY)
Chris Hogan 18 (TODD)
TE
Jimmy Graham 4 (ZURAWSKI)
K
Dan Bailey 22 (SWANSON)
Giorgio Tavecchio 9 (TODD)
Bro...
After re-browsing the WRBL Recap from Week 1, I realized that one of the most unique trades in fantasy football history went unrecognized. Sometime between the draft and the first week, Nick Zurawski traded DeShaun Watson (a rookie quarterback who was a backup at the time) to defending champion Cole Walters for Derek Carr and a photo of Cole's chesticles every week. As if trading a rookie backup for proven pro bowler Derek Carr weren't strange enough, Nick demanded that Walters threw his nipples into the trade for some bizarre cheap thrills that I will never understand. Z didn't want Cole's money, he loves cheap thrills.
This week got off to another ugly yet interesting start on Thursday night when the aforementioned Watson made his first start with zero help and still managed to take out the Bengals in a 13-9 snoozer (NOTE: This is the only NFL game I have watched this season and my god, Marvin Lewis is the worst coach in the NFL). Sunday was unsurprisingly more interesting but, still filled with sloppiness. Tom Brady returned to Tom Brady standards, much to the delight of Tyler Sneen. The more games that the Colts lose, the less likely it is that we ever see Andrew Luck in 2017. At least Jacoby Brissett is a huge improvement from Scott Tolzien. The Zero of the Week Award made it's return this week as Alec trusted Jordan Howard despite an injury and in return, Howard gave him four quarters of no fantasy production. The WRBL Recaps have decided to take a more positive route this year by not handing out zeroes of the week unless they were truly earned by singular fantasy players or by Moon-like incompetence in ownership. Lastly in the NFL, the Packers sought redemption from last season's NFC Championship Game and the Giants sought redemption from their week one offensive no-show and both were destroyed. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
In the Bro League, new owner Ryan Dougherty has been making some impressive statement wins (that statement being "I'm here and will be respected!") on the back of former #1 pick Todd Gurley. Speaking of former #1 picks, Eddie Lacy was a healthy inactive for Seattle this week and Scott continues to hang on to the former Packer in the hopes that he somehow dethrones Chris Carson AND Thomas Rawls AND C.J. Prosise on the depth chart. In the battle between former champions, my Odell Beckham Jr. seemed to be playing at half-speed with his injured ankle but, his 7 points were enough to outlast Cold Waters' impressive week as I already had an 11-point advantage before Matt Prater cut that down a point. My early season success is brought to you by the Kansas City Chiefs, America's Greatest Football Team, and both Scottfucker Hunt and Colescrewer Hunt. Nick greatly benefited from having Derek Carr and Michael Crabtree connecting for three touchdowns (six total) while in his lineup but, Sneen's 66-point Sunday Night comeback was enough for the win and most points for the week. In our final matchup of the week, wtf Scott? and wtf Alec? It was as ugly as Bengals-Texans but, someone had to win and Scott did. Of course, the Hypothetical Standings will tell a different story.
It's hard to believe that we're in week 3 already but, with the amount of injuries already ruining the fantasy seasons of many (David Johnson, Greg Olsen, Allen Robinson, Andrew Luck), it should be further along than we actually are. This Thursday night will be a rematch of one of the best worst games ever (remember 2016 week 1's 28-0 match?) between the 49ers and Rams. Set your alarms as Sunday Morning again sees the terrible tradition of London Football kicking off at 8:30 AM between the Ravens and Jaguars, 2 teams that are all defense. The 2-0s battle when Detroit and Atlanta (the exact opposite of Baltimore-Jacksonville) highlight the noon slate of games. The Seahawks and Titans try to stand upright after shaky 1-1 beginnings. With that game in Tennessee, any result is in play. Two young teams with some fun athletes will be on display this Sunday night as the Raiders head to our nation's capitol and Ezekiel Elliott looks to rebound from his zero fucks given versus Denver as the Cowboys take on faltering Arizona. The Bro League will be filled with accusations of cheating and general talking just for the sake of talking as Cole takes on Scott. The weather forecast says there will be a 100% chance of salt after the conclusion of this matchup. Tyler Sneen is looking to continue riding the Brady-Montgomery ticket and give Darrin Aschebrook his first 0-3 start after two 3-0 starts. Nick has the top three wide receivers in scoring at the moment and I can't think of a better opponent to prevent the newbie takeover that is currently happening in our standings (Ever heard of beginner's luck, Ryan?). Lastly, 2-0 Andy versus 0-2 Alec could either squeeze the standings closer together or send us both on very different paths quickly. Either way everything is sure to be fun because everything always is in the Bro League.
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| They said I couldn't turn a conversation about Cole's tits into a Sia reference... I proved them all wrong. Congratulations, you played yourself. |
This week got off to another ugly yet interesting start on Thursday night when the aforementioned Watson made his first start with zero help and still managed to take out the Bengals in a 13-9 snoozer (NOTE: This is the only NFL game I have watched this season and my god, Marvin Lewis is the worst coach in the NFL). Sunday was unsurprisingly more interesting but, still filled with sloppiness. Tom Brady returned to Tom Brady standards, much to the delight of Tyler Sneen. The more games that the Colts lose, the less likely it is that we ever see Andrew Luck in 2017. At least Jacoby Brissett is a huge improvement from Scott Tolzien. The Zero of the Week Award made it's return this week as Alec trusted Jordan Howard despite an injury and in return, Howard gave him four quarters of no fantasy production. The WRBL Recaps have decided to take a more positive route this year by not handing out zeroes of the week unless they were truly earned by singular fantasy players or by Moon-like incompetence in ownership. Lastly in the NFL, the Packers sought redemption from last season's NFC Championship Game and the Giants sought redemption from their week one offensive no-show and both were destroyed. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
In the Bro League, new owner Ryan Dougherty has been making some impressive statement wins (that statement being "I'm here and will be respected!") on the back of former #1 pick Todd Gurley. Speaking of former #1 picks, Eddie Lacy was a healthy inactive for Seattle this week and Scott continues to hang on to the former Packer in the hopes that he somehow dethrones Chris Carson AND Thomas Rawls AND C.J. Prosise on the depth chart. In the battle between former champions, my Odell Beckham Jr. seemed to be playing at half-speed with his injured ankle but, his 7 points were enough to outlast Cold Waters' impressive week as I already had an 11-point advantage before Matt Prater cut that down a point. My early season success is brought to you by the Kansas City Chiefs, America's Greatest Football Team, and both Scottfucker Hunt and Colescrewer Hunt. Nick greatly benefited from having Derek Carr and Michael Crabtree connecting for three touchdowns (six total) while in his lineup but, Sneen's 66-point Sunday Night comeback was enough for the win and most points for the week. In our final matchup of the week, wtf Scott? and wtf Alec? It was as ugly as Bengals-Texans but, someone had to win and Scott did. Of course, the Hypothetical Standings will tell a different story.
It's hard to believe that we're in week 3 already but, with the amount of injuries already ruining the fantasy seasons of many (David Johnson, Greg Olsen, Allen Robinson, Andrew Luck), it should be further along than we actually are. This Thursday night will be a rematch of one of the best worst games ever (remember 2016 week 1's 28-0 match?) between the 49ers and Rams. Set your alarms as Sunday Morning again sees the terrible tradition of London Football kicking off at 8:30 AM between the Ravens and Jaguars, 2 teams that are all defense. The 2-0s battle when Detroit and Atlanta (the exact opposite of Baltimore-Jacksonville) highlight the noon slate of games. The Seahawks and Titans try to stand upright after shaky 1-1 beginnings. With that game in Tennessee, any result is in play. Two young teams with some fun athletes will be on display this Sunday night as the Raiders head to our nation's capitol and Ezekiel Elliott looks to rebound from his zero fucks given versus Denver as the Cowboys take on faltering Arizona. The Bro League will be filled with accusations of cheating and general talking just for the sake of talking as Cole takes on Scott. The weather forecast says there will be a 100% chance of salt after the conclusion of this matchup. Tyler Sneen is looking to continue riding the Brady-Montgomery ticket and give Darrin Aschebrook his first 0-3 start after two 3-0 starts. Nick has the top three wide receivers in scoring at the moment and I can't think of a better opponent to prevent the newbie takeover that is currently happening in our standings (Ever heard of beginner's luck, Ryan?). Lastly, 2-0 Andy versus 0-2 Alec could either squeeze the standings closer together or send us both on very different paths quickly. Either way everything is sure to be fun because everything always is in the Bro League.
Scoring Leaders
QB
Tom Brady 39 (SNEEN)
Derek Carr 39 (ZURAWSKI)
Aaron Rodgers 33 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ben Roethlisberger 33 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Dak Prescott 31 (TODD)
Matt Ryan 31 (WALTERS)
Drew Brees 22 (DOUGHERTY)
Russell Wilson 22 (SWANSON)
RB
Kareem Hunt 69 (TODD)
Ty Montgomery 46 (SNEEN)
Todd Gurley 45 (DOUGHERTY)
C.J. Anderson 38 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Melvin Gordon 38 (WALTERS)
Devonta Freeman 34 (SNEEN)
Ezekiel Elliott 23 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Lamar Miller 22 (WALTERS)
Le'Veon Bell 19 (SWANSON)
Christian McCaffrey 18 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Dalvin Cook 16 (DOUGHERTY)
Jordan Howard 15 (SWANSON)
Jay Ajayi 14 (ZURAWSKI)
Jay Ajayi 14 (ZURAWSKI)
Isaiah Crowell 13 (TODD)
DeMarco Murray 10 (ZURAWSKI)
Paul Perkins 3 (TODD)
WR
Michael Crabtree 46 (ZURAWSKI)
DeAndre Hopkins 32 (ZURAWSKI)
Davante Adams 30 (WALTERS)
Emmanuel Sanders 29 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Golden Tate 26 (DOUGHERTY)
Julio Jones 25 (SNEEN)
Amari Cooper 24 (WALTERS)
Demaryius Thomas 24 (SNEEN)
A.J. Green 23 (WALTERS)
Michael Thomas 22 (TODD)
Martavis Bryant 21 (SNEEN)
Jordy Nelson 20 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Larry Fitzgerald 18 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Terrelle Pryor 17 (SWANSON)
Brandin Cooks 16 (SWANSON)
Tyreek Hill 8 (SWANSON)
Odell Beckham Jr. 7 (TODD)
Adam Thielen 7 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Adam Thielen 7 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dez Bryant 6 (SWANSON)
T.Y. Hilton 6 (TODD)
Mike Wallace 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
TE
Travis Kelce 33 (TODD)
Jack Doyle 15 (DOUGHERTY)
Kyle Rudolph 8 (SWANSON)
Rob Gronkowski 28 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Jordan Reed 18 (SNEEN)
Martellus Bennett 16 (WALTERS)Kyle Rudolph 8 (SWANSON)
Jack Doyle 6 (DOUGHERTY)
Greg Olsen 5 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tyler Eifert 1 (SWANSON)
K
Matt Bryant 26 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Wil Lutz 22 (DOUGHERTY)
Stephen Gostkowski 21 (SNEEN)
Matt Prater 15 (WALTERS)
Justin Tucker 13 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Adam Vinatieri 10 (ZURAWSKI)
Chris Boswell 3 (TODD)
DF
Los Angeles Rams 29 (TODD)
Carolina Panthers 24 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Arizona Cardinals 11 (ZURAWSKI)
Denver Broncos 22 (DOUGHERTY)
Seattle Seahawks 15 (SWANSON)
Houston Texans 12 (WALTERS)
Buffalo Bills 10 (ZURAWSKI)
Pittsburgh Steelers 9 (TODD)
Kansas City Chiefs 9 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Minnesota Vikings 3 (SNEEN)
Hypothetical Standings
Team Easy Breesy 2-0
The Engine That Could 2-0
SNEEN MACHINE 1-1
Tremendous Big League 1-1
Scott Bless Scott Damn 1-1
Team ChowHounds 1-1
Colieveland 96ers 0-2
Kissin' TDs 0-2
The Engine That Could 2-0
SNEEN MACHINE 1-1
Tremendous Big League 1-1
Scott Bless Scott Damn 1-1
Team ChowHounds 1-1
Colieveland 96ers 0-2
Kissin' TDs 0-2
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