Week 9
Our 2nd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for the ladybug apocalypse of 2015
Current Standings
Thelma Division
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds (Father Aschebrook) 6-3 L3
Sneen Machine (Tyler Sneen) 6-3 W3
Team Moon (Evan Moon) 5-4 W4
Bilbo Unable To Braggins (Scott Aschebrook) 3-6 W1
Louise Division
Arian Foster's Achilles Heel (Alec Swanson) 6-3 W2
Spider 2 Y Banana (Andy Todd) 6-3 W3
Show Stoppers (Cole Walters) 4-5 L1
Team Silka (Alex Silka) 3-6 L5
Team Tiffany (Josh Tiffany) 1-8 L3
Week Nine Final Scores
SNEEN 181 ASCHEBROOK SR. 134
ASCHEBROOK 129 ZURAWSKI 112
TODD 144 WALTERS 123
MOON 111 TIFFANY 95
SWANSON 114 SILKA 67
Heroes of the Week: WR Antonio Brown (Sneen), RB DeAngelo Williams (Silka), RB Lamar Miller (Aschebrook)
ASCHEBROOK 129 ZURAWSKI 112
TODD 144 WALTERS 123
MOON 111 TIFFANY 95
SWANSON 114 SILKA 67
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| Kirby Lee - USA TODAY Sports Hero of the Week: WR Antonio Brown (Sneen Machine) |
Zeros of the Week: RB Eddie Lacy (Silka), K Robbie Gould (Silka), Owner Alex Silka (Silka)
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| Getty Images Zero of the Week: K Robbie Gould (Team Silka) |
Upcoming Week 10 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Spider 2 Y Banana v. Arian Foster's Achilles Heel
Team Silka v. Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds
Team Moon v. Bilbo Unable To Braggins
Show Stoppers v. Team Tiffany
Sneen Machine v. Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness
BYE WEEK: San Diego Chargers, Indianapolis Colts, San Francisco 49ers, Atlanta Falcons
Team Silka v. Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds
Team Moon v. Bilbo Unable To Braggins
Show Stoppers v. Team Tiffany
Sneen Machine v. Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness
BYE WEEK: San Diego Chargers, Indianapolis Colts, San Francisco 49ers, Atlanta Falcons
Thursday Game: Buffalo @ NY Jets 7:25 PM
Sunday: Detroit @ Green Bay NOON
Dallas @ Tampa Bay NOON
Carolina @ Tennessee NOON
Chicago @ St. Louis NOON
New Orleans @ Washington NOON
Miami @ Philadelphia NOON
Cleveland @ Pittsburgh NOON
Jacksonville @ Baltimore NOON
Minnesota @ Oakland 3:05 PM
New England @ NY Giants 3:25 PM
Kansas City @ Denver 3:25 PM
Arizona @ Seattle 7:30 PM
Arizona @ Seattle 7:30 PM
Monday: Houston @ Cincinnati 7:30 PM
Bro...
After spending all of my Sunday in a bar like the lowlife that I am, I was pleased to return home to the news that Spider 2 Y Banana was likely victorious again (of course, there were still two players left on Cole's team for Monday Night but, he needed a whole lot more from Jeremy Langford and Malcom Floyd than what he got) and audibly "ooo"-ed and "wow"-ed multiple other results in the Bro League. Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds have inexplicably dropped three straight after looking like the clear championship favorites at 6-0 and even though it took a new-record 181 points from Sneen Machine to do so, a loss is a loss in this league (except for in the hypothetical standings). Team Silka once again forgot to set a lineup and suffered the consequences of multiple players on bye. It's a good thing Alex had DeAngelo Williams as the Steeler RB counted for 38 of the team's 67 points. Scott upset Nick in more ways than one with his third win of the year as he tries to make a late push for the playoffs and Team Tiffany is pretty much eliminated from the playoffs as he fell to 1-8 after losing this week's closest competition to Team Moon.
In the NFL, three undefeateds remain including the New England Patriots, Cincinnati Bengals and Carolina Panthers. The Panthers have won two straight games that they almost blew in the closing minutes to a wounded Colts team and the Packers. The Patriots look like they could run the table but, we are still only 50% of the way through the regular season and Cincinnati looks like a team that will drop a game when we least expect it and might actually win a playoff game for once in Marvin Lewis's life. It was another week of injuries as Dion Lewis of Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds and Patriot fame tore his ACL and now we'll have to wait and see or play the guessing game as to who the Patriot RB is that steps up as his replacement (Brandon Bolden? James White? Maurice Clarett?). Another injury to a Bro League starter occurred late in the day and went unannounced until Tuesday as Andrew Luck LACERATED HIS GODDAMN KIDNEY AND SHRUGGED IT OFF LIKE A G. Luck will now miss 2-6 weeks with that plus an abdominal tear plus maybe, possibly, not really broken ribs. It was also nice to see the Broncos lose as, let's face it, we're all tired of watching that team eek out wins thanks to their defense. Also, Blaine Gabbert beat the once-hyped Atlanta Falcons.
This week, the Thursday Night Game features Chris Ivory, Brandon Marshall and a questionable LeSean McCoy so change your lineups accordingly. The early Sunday slate includes the Packers likely putting up 40 on Detroit (they're angry), Dallas trying to dodge a seventh straight loss without Tony Romo in what would be their most embarrassing loss to date against Tampa, Marcus Mariota facing a real test in the Panthers defense and a boatload of fantasy points between the red-hot Drew Brees and his targets against Washington. Bye Week studs include Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Devonta Freeman, Philip Rivers, Antonio Gates, Frank Gore, Donte Moncrief and no relevant 49ers. The Bro League face-offs are pretty intriguing as well with head-to-head match-ups between Alec and myself (both 6-3 teams), Sneen and Nick (both above .500), Evan and Scott (could basically end Scott's season), Cole and Josh (Can Josh ever get that 2nd win?), and Silka and Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds (If Aschebrook Sr. loses, we'll have a new team atop the standings). It's going to be one hell of an intense weekend and with one bye week left, the playoffs are beginning to shape out.
2015 Scoring Leaders
QB
Tom Brady 200 (TODD)
Aaron Rodgers 163 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Drew Brees 146 (SNEEN)
Philip Rivers 138 (MOON)
Matt Ryan 138 (SWANSON)
Russell Wilson 120 (SILKA)
Andrew Luck 112 (ZURAWSKI)
Carson Palmer 102 (ASCHEBROOK)
Eli Manning 92 (WALTERS)Cam Newton 81 (TIFFANY)
Peyton Manning 57 (TIFFANY)
Tyrod Taylor 50 (ASCHEBROOK)
Blake Bortles 31 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Sam Bradford 27 (MOON)
Andy Dalton 23 (WALTERS)
Ben Roethlisberger 23 (WALTERS)
Ryan Tannehill 19 (ASCHEBROOK/ZURAWSKI)
Derek Carr 13 (ZURAWSKI)
Colin Kaepernick 13 (SNEEN)
Alex Smith 13 (ZURAWSKI)
Tony Romo 6 (WALTERS)
RB
Devonta Freeman 199 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)Mark Ingram 147 (ZURAWSKI)
Danny Woodhead 143 (TIFFANY)
Lamar Miller 130 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Adrian Peterson 122 (MOON)
Chris Ivory 117 (WALTERS)
Matt Forte 115 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
DeMarco Murray 112 (SNEEN)
Justin Forsett 102 (SNEEN)
Jamaal Charles 96 (ASCHEBROOK)
Todd Gurley 88 (TODD)
LeSean McCoy 80 (WALTERS)
Jonathan Stewart 80 (TIFFANY)
Doug Martin 79 (SWANSON)
Arian Foster 73 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Carlos Hyde 73 (TODD)
Latavius Murray 72 (MOON)
Marshawn Lynch 68 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
DeAngelo Williams 68 (SILKA)
Dion Lewis 58 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jeremy Hill 49 (MOON)
T.J. Yeldon 45 (SNEEN)
Frank Gore 44 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Eddie Lacy 42 (SILKA)
Giovani Bernard 38 (ZURAWSKI)
Melvin Gordon 36 (WALTERS)
C.J. Anderson 34 (TIFFANY)
Duke Johnson Jr. 33 (TODD)
Darren McFadden 31 (ASCHEBROOK)
Ameer Abdullah 26 (TODD)
Jeremy Langford 25 (WALTERS)
Isaiah Crowell 23 (SILKA)
Theo Riddick 21 (WALTERS)
Charcandrick West 21 (TODD)
Shane Vereen 20 (SNEEN)
Chris Johnson 18 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Karlos Williams 16 (ASCHEBROOK)
Alfred Morris 14 (SILKA)
Joseph Randle 13 (ASCHEBROOK)
Branden Oliver 12 (TODD)
Antonio Andrews 11 (SWANSON)
Tevin Coleman 9 (ZURAWSKI)
David Johson 6 (SILKA)
Darren Sproles 6 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Alfred Blue 5 (ZURAWSKI)
Lance Dunbar 5 (SWANSON)
Bishop Sankey 4 (WALTERS)
Rashad Jennings 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Matt Jones 1 (TODD)
WR
Julio Jones 219 (TODD)
DeAndre Hopkins 187 (ZURAWSKI)
Antonio Brown 184 (SNEEN)
Odell Beckham Jr. 173 (WALTERS)
Julian Edelman 159 (SILKA)
Keenan Allen 157 (TIFFANY)
A.J. Green 140 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Demaryius Thomas 137 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Jarvis Landry 136 (ZURAWSKI)
Larry Fitzgerald 131 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Emmanuel Sanders 130 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Calvin Johnson 125 (SILKA)
Randall Cobb 115 (TODD)
T.Y. Hilton 106 (WALTERS)
Alshon Jeffery 92 (SWANSON)
Brandon Marshall 84 (MOON)
Allen Robinson 82 (MOON)
Jordan Matthews 80 (SNEEN)
Steve Smith Sr. 77 (SNEEN)
John Brown 60 (MOON)
Mike Evans 58 (MOON)
Donte Moncrief 58 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Rishard Matthews 54 (ASCHEBROOK/TIFFANY)
Brandin Cooks 50 (TODD)
Pierre Garcon 48 (ZURAWSKI)
Amari Cooper 46 (SWANSON)
Golden Tate 44 (ASCHEBROOK/ZURAWSKI)
Kendall Wright 41 (TODD)
Jeremy Maclin 35 (ASCHEBROOK)
Vincent Jackson 34 (ASCHEBROOK)
Eric Decker 32 (SNEEN)
Stefon Diggs 29 (ASCHEBROOK)
Malcom Floyd 26 (WALTERS)
Tyler Lockett 24 (SILKA)
Danny Amendola 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Sammy Watkins 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dez Bryant 21 (ASCHEBROOK)
Martavis Bryant 20 (SNEEN)
Stevie Johnson 20 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Travis Benjamin 18 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Rueben Randle 18 (WALTERS)
Mike Wallace 18 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Davante Adams 17 (MOON)
Brandon LaFell 15 (ASCHEBROOK)
James Jones 14 (TODD)
Andre Johnson 11 (ZURAWSKI)
Tavon Austin 10 (TIFFANY)
Torrey Smith 9 (SILKA)
Brandon Coleman 6 (ASCHEBROOK)
Marques Colston 6 (TIFFANY)
Willie Snead 5 (SWANSON)
DeSean Jackson 4 (ZURAWSKI)
Charles Johnson 4 (MOON)
Marvin Jones 3 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Roddy White 3 (SILKA)
TE
Rob Gronkowski 152 (ZURAWSKI)
Tyler Eifert 131 (SWANSON)
Travis Kelce 107 (WALTERS)
Delanie Walker 104 (TODD)
Martellus Bennett 97 (SNEEN)
Jimmy Graham 93 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jason Witten 91 (TIFFANY)
Greg Olsen 87 (MOON)
Antonio Gates 60 (ASCHEBROOK)
Gary Barnidge 57 (TIFFANY)
Jordan Cameron 49 (SILKA)
Zach Ertz 30 (MOON)
Charles Clay 25 (TODD/SWANSON)
Benjamin Watson 20 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dwayne Allen 10 (ASCHEBROOK)
Jordan Reed 10 (WALTERS)
Jared Cook 9 (TODD)
Larry Donnell 8 (ZURAWSKI)
Eric Ebron 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Kyle Rudolph 5 (ASCHEBROOK)Austin Seferian-Jenkins 4 (ASCHEBROOK)
Julius Thomas 1 (SNEEN)
K
Stephen Gostkowski 100 (ASCHEBROOK)
Justin Tucker 82 (SNEEN)
Steven Hauschka 81 (TIFFANY)
Matt Bryant 68 (WALTERS)
Brandon McManus 61 (SWANSON)
Mason Crosby 60 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Blair Walsh 53 (MOON)
Chandler Catanzaro 46 (TODD)
Dan Bailey 37 (MOON)
Josh Brown 35 (ZURAWSKI)
Robbie Gould 30 (SILKA)
Matt Prater 19 (ZURAWSKI)
Cody Parkey 16 (SILKA)
Andrew Franks 14 (TODD)
Caleb Sturgis 11 (SNEEN)
Josh Lambo 9 (SWANSON)
Dustin Hopkins 7 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dan Carpenter 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Kai Forbath 3 (TODD)
Adam Vinatieri -1 (SWANSON)
DF
Denver Broncos 122 (SILKA)
St. Louis Rams 81 (SNEEN)
Seattle Seahawks 78 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Carolina Panthers 62 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)
New England Patriots 62 (TIFFANY)
New York Jets 57 (MOON/ZURAWSKI)
Philadelphia Eagles 48 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Buffalo Bills 47 (WALTERS/ASCHEBROOK)
Kansas City Chiefs 43 (MOON)
Philadelphia Eagles 39 (TODD)
Houston Texans 31 (ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS)
Arizona Cardinals 30 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Atlanta Falcons 22 (SWANSON/TODD)
Cincinnati Bengals 8 (WALTERS)
Miami Dolphins 7 (TODD)
Indianapolis Colts 1 (ZURAWSKI)
Minnesota Vikings 1 (MOON)
Green Bay Packers -1 (TIFFANY)
Cleveland Browns -3 (ZURAWSKI)
Baltimore Ravens -4 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI/SNEEN)
Hypothetical Standings (If the 5 highest scoring teams were winners each week)
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds 7-2
Spider 2 Y Banana 6-3
Sneen Machine 6-3
Nick's Mopey Team of Sadness 5-4
Team Moon 5-4
Bilbo Unable To Braggins 3-6
Show Stoppers 3-6
Team Tiffany 2-7
Show Stoppers 3-6
Team Tiffany 2-7
Team Silka 2-7
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