WRBL Week 2, 2018 Recap

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 2
Our 4th official season of blaming Cole Walters for nosy neighbors.


Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division

Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 2-0 W5
The Scottfather (Scott Aschebrook) 1-1 L1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 1-1 L1
Cole World (Cole Walters) 1-1 L1

Shooter McGavin Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 1-1 W1
Perfectly Balanced (Nick Zurawski) 1-1 W1
Crazy Todd's Driveway Band (Andy Todd) 1-1 W1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 0-2 L2

Week Two Final Scores

ANDY  132 COLE  123

RYAN  124 DARRIN  104

ALEC  172 SCOTT  126

NICK  149 SNEEN  124

Heroes of the Week: QB Patrick Mahomes (Andy), WR Stefon Diggs (Alec), RB Todd Gurley (Ryan)

AP Photo/Don Wright
Hero of the Week: QB Patrick Mahomes (Crazy Todd's Driveway Band)

Waiver Wonders: QB Ben Roethlisberger (38 points), QB Kirk Cousins (33), QB Blake Bortles (32)

Zeros of the Week: DF Baltimore Ravens (Darrin)

John Sommers II.UPI
Zero of the Week: DF Baltimore Ravens (Team ChowHounds)

Upcoming Week 15 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Ryan vs. Nick
Cole vs. Scott
Sneen vs. Darrin
Alec vs. Andy
Thursday: NY Jets @ Cleveland 7:20 PM
Sunday: New Orleans @ Atlanta NOON
San Francisco @ Kansas City NOON
Oakland @ Miami NOON
Buffalo @ Minnesota NOON
Indianapolis @ Philadelphia NOON
Green Bay @ Washington NOON
Cincinnati @ Carolina NOON
Tennessee @ Jacksonville NOON
Denver @ Baltimore NOON
NY Giants @ Houston NOON
LA Chargers @ LA Rams 3:05 PM
Chicago @ Arizona 3:25 PM
Dallas @ Seattle 3:25 PM
New England @ Detroit 7:20 PM
Monday: Pittsburgh @ Tampa Bay 7:15 PM

Bro...
Garbage time football is a lot like shopping at a thrift store or even Goodwill. You don't expect anything whatsoever but, a diamond in the rough shines through and changes your mood temporarily for the better. Not only did Evan Engram's seemingly inconsequential touchdown with 1:27 remaining in the Giants-Cowboys' game clock hold WRBL implications (It was enough for Andy to usurp a victory from Cole) but, that Russell Wilson touchdown pass to Will Dissly with 14 seconds remaining on Monday Night Football? Yep, that won me a league as well (My TD-only league, Todd's Tornadoes dropped 65 points on our opponent's 62, the most points ever scored in a loss IN 39 YEARS!). As if these instances weren't special enough for my vacation, I also went shopping at a couple of thrift stores and found a few really cool items (to me) for a grand total of $12. It turned around an otherwise uneventful day (much like those uneventful primetime games) that featured a bleak dentist trip into one to remember and attempt to emulate in the future. It would be foolish of me to not acknowledge the other side to this sudden shift in fortunes, as I'm sure somebody else out there was just waiting to find that $2 copy of The Bee Movie and will now have to continue their search elsewhere, much like how Cole will now have to wait to find a second win (which will surely come just as easily as it is to find The Bee Movie in any local thrift store for under $4 as it's only a matter of time, let's be real here). Cole's Sunday probably turned to immediate garbage as a result but hey, your comeback/upset/last second/garbage win is coming, bud and that's the fun of fantasy football.

AP/Nam Y. Huh
Khalil Mack continues to assist the Bears' defense in making elite quarterbacks work harder.

Even with Cole and Crazy Todd's Driveway Band being the only matchup with any last-minute heroics, there were still three other WRBL matches that contained many points, lineup mistakes and storylines. The soon-to-be father defeated The Scottfather after Alec's main players (QB,RB,WR) went OFF for a combined 140 points and would have single-handedly taken down Scott's squad despite a 14-catch performance out of Christian McCaffrey. BTW guys, here is a rule to consider for the future... Should we even be a PPR league? or should we fully evolved brain meme ourselves into a PPFD (Points Per First Down) league? Just throwing that one out there as three running backs caught 13 or more passes for far fewer first downs and having lesser importance on the actual games themselves compared to our fantasy game. Tyler Sneen surprisingly crapped the bed on keeping his match with Nick at all dramatic. Sneen's lowlights this week included Jamaal Williams and Isaiah Crowell combining for 14 points and typically brilliant tight end Rob Gronkowski being nearly silenced by Jacksonville's awesome defense to the tune of just three points. Starting Will Fuller (25 points) in his first game back from injury would not have won the matchup but, could have kept Nick on his toes headed into Sunday Night with only RB Ezekiel Elliott to save him. Lastly in our rivalry match of the week, Ryan continued his annoying reign over our league as the lone undefeated team after two weeks but signs of cracks in the foundation are showing as the youngster did not crack the top four in scoring and suffered a loss in the hypothetical standings (located at the bottom of this post). Todd Gurley was incredible again (shout out to my TD-only team once more) and Michael Thomas proves that sometimes your biases are not just biased and sometimes that team you root for really does have a special talent. Michael Thomas is on pace for 224 receptions and if that actually happens, Ryan might have to dust off the trophy for himself. 

Are you tired of football yet? If so, then this is not the game for you because weeks one and two have been pretty awesome. Week three is not guaranteed to keep the juices flowing but, Jets-Browns could see one longtime non-winning streak come to an end Thursday night if the Browns just let Greg Joseph tune out the pressure of kicking that clearly got to now-released Zane Gonzalez (or maybe that was his injury that caused Cleveland's latest demise?). Sunday's early slate sees the Bills attempting to avoid louder 0-16 whispers against the Vikings and their new kicker, Dan Bailey (Daniel Carlson, we hardly knew ye), the Eagles welcoming Carson Wentz (and Jordan Matthews?) back into the huddle against recently-revived Andrew Luck and the Colts and the highlight of New Orleans traveling to Atlanta in a game that will hopefully clear up that division a bit further. The Falcons are losing the war of attrition quickly (G Andy LeVitre, LB Deion Jones and S Keanu Neal are all on IR) and the Saints have given Jekyll and Hyde performances from one week to the next on both ends of the football. The late-afternoon games are 3/3 on entertainment and maybe 1/6 on good teams playing (the LA Rams are a lock right now barring injury). Sunday night is going to be the peak of fantasy football this season when Josh Gordon comes storming out of the gate against Detroit for a Randy Moss-like performance from here on out now that the Patriots somehow snagged him away from the Browns for a signed photograph of Joe Andruzzi. Maybe the Browns could have somehow thrown Jimmy Butler into the deal also. That would clear up programming for a lot of midwestern sports radio right now. After the week that Pittsburgh has had, I'm sure they're looking forward to just shutting up and playing football in the damp, Florida heat against Captain Redbeard himself, Ryan Fitzmagic and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for the final game of Jameis "Crab Legs & Uber Drivers" Winston's suspension.

Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images
One last Hoorah! for Nick Foles, backup quarterback with a Super Bowl MVP.

In case you've forgotten the REAL task at hand here, the WRBL will also be in play this weekend as Nick Zurawski's evenly distributed Perfectly Balanced gets the next chance at blowing over Team Easy Breesy's winning streak. The only thing worse than kicking off a season to an 0-3 start is doing that and losing to the man that has found himself in the same position the past two seasons, Darrin Aschebrook and his Team ChowHounds. Granted, Darrin didn't just re-draft the same team as his past two dud seasons (Aaron Rodgers & Alvin Kamara still remain) but, his track record in the WRBL is not terrific. Alec may be paying taxes to own his home but, when's the last time he payed his driveway's taxes? Hmmm? Didn't think so. Don't fact check this. In a battle that could see one team alone at the top of the Shooter McGavin Division, my Crazy Todd's Driveway Band will try Mr. Swanson's dedication to his Bear fandom when my Bears defense (hopefully) gives his barely Bear lineup (shout out to Trey Burton!) the beating of a lifetime. Lastly, It's Cole's World and Scott is just playing for second in Cole's division. No one man should have all this power but, Cole's name is all over everything (even The Shelby!) and he's trotting out his own Ivy League graduate (shout out to Columbia!) in Harvard's own Ryan Fitzpatrick against a likely resilient duo of Russell Wilson and David Johnson for The Scottfather. Okay, one more question... Why is Scott The Scottfather? Wouldn't that make him his own father? I thought Darrin was Scott's father? Do we need to appear on an episode of Maury? They film in Chicago. Guys, this sounds like a road trip idea. Let's do it. But first, Points Per First Down. 

In the case of 281 month old Scott Aschebrook, Scott... You are NOT The ScottFather.

Scoring Leaders

QB

Patrick Mahomes 66 (Andy)

Drew Brees 48 (Ryan)

Cam Newton 44 (Nick)
Aaron Rodgers 39 (Darrin)

Tom Brady 37 (Sneen)

Matt Ryan 37 (Alec)

Russell Wilson 33 (Scott)

Andrew Luck 11 (Cole)

DeShaun Watson 11 (Cole)

RB

Alvin Kamara 59 (Darrin)

Melvin Gordon 56 (Alec)

Todd Gurley 54 (Ryan)

James Conner 51 (Cole)

Saquon Barkley 44 (Alec)

Christian McCaffrey 40 (Scott)

Ezekiel Elliott 34 (Nick)

Joe Mixon 34 (Andy)

James White 29 (Darrin)

Isaiah Crowell 27 (Sneen)

Dalvin Cook 24 (Andy)

Kenyan Drake 24 (Nick)

Jordan Howard 24 (Ryan)

David Johnson 22 (Scott)

Kareem Hunt 18 (Andy)

Tevin Coleman 15 (Cole)

LeSean McCoy 12 (Darrin)

Jamaal Williams 9 (Sneen)

Leonard Fournette 8 (Cole)

Adrian Peterson 8 (Ryan)

Devonta Freeman 7 (Sneen)
Dion Lewis 5 (Nick)

WR

Michael Thomas 68 (Ryan)

Tyreek Hill 61 (Alec)

Mike Evans 49 (Scott)

Stefon Diggs 48 (Alec)

A.J. Green 48 (Cole)

Adam Thielen 47 (Cole)

Davante Adams 39 (Scott)

Antonio Brown 39 (Darrin)

DeAndre Hopkins 38 (Nick)

Julio Jones 38 (Ryan)

Keenan Allen 36 (Nick)

T.Y. Hilton 36 (Andy)

Odell Beckham Jr. 31 (Andy)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 31 (Sneen)

Jarvis Landry 28 (Scott)

Demaryius Thomas 24 (Darrin)

Chris Hogan 21 (Sneen)

Golden Tate 20 (Ryan)

Larry Fitzgerald 19 (Cole)

Brandin Cooks 13 (Nick)

Cooper Kupp 12 (Alec)

Amari Cooper 1 (Alec)

TE

Travis Kelce 30 (Nick)

Zach Ertz 29 (Sneen)

Rob Gronkowski 26 (Sneen)

Jordan Reed 23 (Scott)
Evan Engram 22 (Andy)

Jimmy Graham 17 (Darrin)

Trey Burton 14 (Alec)
Kyle Rudolph 14 (Ryan)

Delanie Walker 9 (Cole)

Greg Olsen 5 (Ryan)
George Kittle 4 (Cole)

K

Mason Crosby 25 (Sneen)

Justin Tucker 19 (Scott)

Stephen Gostkowski 17 (Nick)

Matt Bryant 16 (Cole)

Greg Zuerlein 16 (Ryan)

Harrison Butker 15 (Andy)
Robbie Gould 14 (Darrin)

Wil Lutz 13 (Alec)

Chris Boswell 2 (Darrin)

DF

Los Angeles Rams 26 (Scott)

Minnesota Vikings 20 (Cole)

Jacksonville Jaguars 17 (Alec)
Baltimore Ravens 15 (Darrin)

Philadelphia Eagles 14 (Ryan)

Los Angeles Chargers 11 (Nick)

Houston Texans 10 (Sneen)

New England Patriots 7 (Nick)

New Orleans Saints -4 (Andy)

Hypothetical Standings

The Scottfather 2-0

Team Easy Breesy 1-1

Tax Paying Homeowner 1-1

Cole World 1-1

Perfectly Balanced 1-1

Team ChowHounds 1-1

Crazy Todd's Driveway Band 1-1
SNEEN MACHINE 0-2

WRBL Week 1, 2018 Recap

Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 1
Our 4th official season of blaming Cole Walters for the WiFi at Applebee's.

.Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 1-0 W4
The Scottfather (Scott Aschebrook) 1-0 W1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 1-0 W1
Cole World (Cole Walters) 1-0 W1

Shooter McGavin Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 0-1 L2
Crazy Todd's Driveway Band (Andy Todd) 0-1 L1
Perfectly Balanced (Nick Zurawski) 0-1 L1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 0-1 L1

Week One Final Scores
COLE  136 ALEC  131
RYAN  185 SNEEN  98
DARRIN  146 NICK  110
SCOTT  153 ANDY  110

Heroes of the Week: RB Alvin Kamara (Darrin), WR Tyreek Hill (Alec), WR Michael Thomas (Ryan)

Michael DeMocker, NOLA.com
Hero of the Week: RB Alvin Kamara (Team ChowHounds)

Waiver Wonders: QB Ryan Fitzpatrick (41 points), QB Philip Rivers (28), DF New York Jets (25)

Derick E. Hingle - USA TODAY Sports
Waiver Wonder: Ryan Fitzpatrick (417 yards & 4 TDs passing, 1 rushing TD)

Zeros of the Week: DF New Orleans Saints (Andy)

Upcoming Week 15 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Cole vs. Andy
Scott vs. Alec
Darrin vs. Ryan
Sneen vs. Nick
Thursday: Baltimore @ Cincinnati 7:20 PM 
Sunday: Carolina @ Atlanta NOON
LA Chargers @ Buffalo NOON
Minnesota @ Green Bay NOON
Houston @ Tennessee NOON
Cleveland @ New Orleans NOON
Miami @ NY Jets NOON
Kansas City @ Pittsburgh NOON
Philadelphia @ Tampa Bay NOON
Indianapolis @ Washington NOON
Arizona @ LA Rams 3:05 PM
Detroit @ San Francisco 3:05 PM
Oakland @ Denver 3:25 PM
New England @ Jacksonville 3:25 PM
NY Giants @ Dallas 7:20 PM
Monday: Seattle @ Chicago 7:15 PM

Bro...
The long wait has concluded, the suspensions have been handed out, the replacements have been signed and the preseason games have been tolerated. Now, it's time to get down to the nitty gritty (a phrase that has no meaning whatsoever) of our semi-consistent bro bonding experience, the Wisconsin Rapids Bro League (A fantasy football league unlike any other). In order to tell the story of week one of the NFL and WRBL regular seasons, we must go back to Wednesday, September 5th as the league had some minor issues kicking off our 4th OFFICIAL (I'm dropping SEMI-official to avoid further confusion. The Nick Zurawski win will always count in our minds and his heart but, none of the stats or further league info exist from that Noah, Cal, Alex and others season) WRBL season. The draft took place at Applebee's this year (hold your applause) because four of the eight team owners could not meet for the draft. Nick was busy prepping for a hurricane on the east coast, Scott had to clean all of his terrible towels in Pittsburgh (Not to be confused with Pittsville, Wisconsin), Alec had taxes, houses and small children to tend to and Cole was waxing his nipples in order to protect DeShaun Watson at all costs (Not all heroes wear capes). It was simply Darrin, Ryan, Tyler Sneen and I. The wings weren't as good as Buffalo Wild Wings and the wi-fi was terrible but, it was still fun to catch up with everybody that was there and everybody not named Sneen felt good about their teams at the end of the night, even if I practically re-drafted my 2017 squad (a no-no in most books unless your team consisted of the #1 player at every position).

Answer: Not where we had our WRBL draft. 

Week 1 kicked off with the Falcons continuing their red zone struggles under Steve Sarkisian in a loss to the defending champion, Nick Foles-led Eagles. The biggest beneficiary of Thursday Night Football was defending champion Ryan's Team Easy Breesy, which is purely coincidental since a majority of Ryan's points were scored by Atlanta's Julio Jones. Ryan did not stop there either as his team went OFF for 185 points, showing why he is still the favorite to win the league. Maybe there's some correlation between youth and success in fantasy football? I mean... Darrin is 0/3 in this league while, Ryan is 1/1 so, the numbers don't lie.... yet. When Patrick Mahomes threw an incomplete pass to Kareem Hunt on 2nd-and-1 at the Chargers' 1-yard line, I knew my week was over. Yes, Scott threw together one hell of a nice team for the week but, I really thought there was a chance around the third quarter of the 3 o'clock games that I might pull off a sneaky quality win (I still like the unbiased, college football playoff system for picking our playoff teams). Regardless of Week 1's result, I feel extremely confident in Patrick Mahomes becoming my every week quarterback the way Dak Prescott was last season. Even if we took Nick Zurawski's suggestion and banned Alvin Kamara from the league, Rapmaster Nicky Z would have lost by four points and his Thanos team logo still would not have made much sense (Maybe he's saving it for the postseason). Despite scoring a point, Nick still likely feels like Travis Kelce has earned Zero of the Week honors after he consistently dropped ten or more points every week for the entire Alex Smith in KC tenure. One point in a week where everybody on Kansas City was fantasy relevant likely just means that Kelce will be open in future weeks after the Chargers hyper-focused on the reality superstar. In the week's most surprising result, Cole went from bottom to... not the bottom (Take that, Drake) after he somehow survived Delanie Walker's broken ankle (Sad reacts only), Leonard Fournette's hamstrung hamstring and a rusty-as-hell DeShaun Watson (was it really worth the dignity of your areolas, Cole? It's not like you were trying to get into the cool kids' party or anything. You're already a part of the coolest league on Earth!). Yes, the Walters name was salvaged thanks to LITERALLY the only pre-week one waiver move when Cole foolishly dumped sudden Bronco handcuff RB Phillip Lindsay for sudden superstar Top-10 fantasy RB James Conner. 33 points and 33 shade-infused Le'Veon Bell tweets later and Cole is the early front-runner for the Waiver Wonder award this year. The closest match of the week resulted in an Alec loss that can be blamed on many people including WR Amari Cooper (has under 10 receiving yards in SIX of his last thirteen games), TE Trey Burton (maybe a slight Bears bias from Alec here but, he was being viewed as a viable starting option this season) and to bring it all full circle, Falcons' QB Matt Ryan (lowest scoring QB in WRBL week 1).

Matt Freed/Post-Gazette
Cancer survivor and breakout RB James Conner is THE story of week one in fantasy football.

Highlights and lowlights for the week in the NFL... Where do I begin? James Conner was incredible in replacing #1 overall pick Le'Veon Bell for the Steelers. Anonymous sources tell me that once Le'Veon Bell was told he was the first choice off the board, he loudly stated "SEE YA SNEEN!" and was last seen hanging out on Big Island (A real place with a ridiculous wikipedia page) with Evan Moon. The Nathan Peterman experiment only took another ugly turn after he threw two more interceptions (he's up to 7 in his 2 career starts with 0 touchdowns) and now, rookie QB Josh Allen will be thrown into the fire after A.J. McCarron was dealt to Oakland in one of the least sensible trades made in a while for both teams that did not involve a Khalil Mack. Speaking of Khalil Mack, he was the NFL's best player for exactly thirty NFL minutes. Aaron Rodgers suffered a Paul Pierce-like injury, came back and then, he was the NFL's best player for the next thirty NFL minutes. End result? Bears 23 (Alec rejoices), Packers 24 (Cole jumps onto his front lawn naked).


Cole's nips are red
Violets are blue
Hopefully Cole loses
In week number two.

Very rarely does the hype of one week's worth of football keep me at the same level of excitement for another week (until Super Bowl week) but, here we are. The Bengals and Ravens play Thursday Night and it feels like one of these teams is going to go on a run that could land them a wildcard spot if they play their cards right and I'll take John Harbaugh over Marvin Lewis any day. Either way, that is quietly a really good game. Sunday sees the Vikings play a potentially hobbled Aaron Rodgers (could end poorly for Green Bay), the Saints looking for a rebound against Cleveland after an awful defensive performance versus Tampa Bay (Yeah, I don't expect Cleveland's first win since RG3 to happen this week either) and the Chiefs at Pittsburgh for a possible AFC playoff preview at noon. The late afternoon slate shows Jacksonville getting a shot at revenge after the referees stole an AFC Championship game from them against the Patriots last year. Sunday Night has one contender for the Eagles in the NFC East likely knocked out as the Giants and their awful quarterback play Dallas and their awful receivers. Monday Night will be a fun one between two teams with decent ceilings and basement floors as the Seahawks give Mitchell Trubisky and Matt Nagy a second chance at holding their opponents under water until the bubbles stop this time. In the WRBL, I face Cole, Ryan faces the possibility of losing a ride to the next league meeting if he kills Darrin in fantasy football the way he did Sneen, Tyler Sneen trying to get something out of these Le'Veonless weekends against Nick and the TanneGOATs and The Tax Payer Alec Swanson versus the Tax Dodger Scott Aschebrook. It'll be another weekend of fantastic fantasy football fun finally!

Scoring Leaders

QB

Drew Brees 31 (Ryan)

Patrick Mahomes 28 (Andy)

Aaron Rodgers 24 (Darrin)

Tom Brady 21 (Sneen)

Russell Wilson 19 (Scott)

Cam Newton 17 (Nick)

DeShaun Watson 11 (Cole)

Matt Ryan 8 (Alec)

RB

Alvin Kamara 42 (Darrin)

James Conner 33 (Cole)

Melvin Gordon 27 (Alec)

Joe Mixon 25 (Andy)

Isaiah Crowell 22 (Sneen)

Todd Gurley 22 (Ryan)

Saquon Barkley 20 (Alec)

David Johnson 17 (Scott)

Ezekiel Elliott 16 (Nick)

Jordan Howard 15 (Ryan)

James White 14 (Darrin)

Dalvin Cook 13 (Andy)

Christian McCaffrey 13 (Scott)

Kenyan Drake 8 (Nick)

Leonard Fournette 8 (Cole)

Devonta Freeman 7 (Sneen)

Kareem Hunt 4 (Andy)

LeSean McCoy 3 (Darrin)

WR

Tyreek Hill 41 (Alec)

Michael Thomas 38 (Ryan)

Mike Evans 27 (Scott)

Julio Jones 27 (Ryan)

Keenan Allen 24 (Nick)

Antonio Brown 24 (Darrin)

Odell Beckham Jr. 22 (Andy)

Golden Tate 20 (Ryan)

Davante Adams 19 (Scott)

A.J. Green 19 (Cole)

Demaryius Thomas 18 (Darrin)

Jarvis Landry 17 (Scott)

Adam Thielen 16 (Cole)

T.Y. Hilton 15 (Andy)

DeAndre Hopkins 15 (Nick)

Larry Fitzgerald 14 (Cole)

Brandin Cooks 13 (Nick)

Stefon Diggs 13 (Alec)

Chris Hogan 2 (Sneen)

Amari Cooper 1 (Alec)

TE

Rob Gronkowski 23 (Sneen)

Jordan Reed 14 (Scott)

Zach Ertz 9 (Sneen)

Delanie Walker 9 (Cole)

Greg Olsen 5 (Ryan)

Evan Engram 3 (Andy)

Trey Burton 2 (Alec)

Jimmy Graham 2 (Darrin)

Travis Kelce 1 (Nick)

K

Greg Zuerlein 16 (Ryan)

Justin Tucker 12 (Scott)

Harrison Butker 9 (Andy)

Stephen Gostkowski 9 (Nick)

Matt Bryant 8 (Cole)

Mason Crosby 7 (Sneen)

Wil Lutz 6 (Alec)

Chris Boswell 2 (Darrin)

DF

Minnesota Vikings 18 (Cole)

Baltimore Ravens 17 (Darrin)

Los Angeles Rams 15 (Scott)

Jacksonville Jaguars 13 (Alec)

Philadelphia Eagles 11 (Ryan)

Houston Texans 7 (Sneen)

New England Patriots 7 (Nick)

New Orleans Saints -9 (Andy)

Hypothetical Standings

Team Easy Breesy 1-0

The Scottfather 1-0

Team ChowHounds 1-0

Cole World 1-0

Tax Paying Homeowner 0-1

Perfectly Balanced 0-1
Crazy Todd's Driveway Band 0-1
SNEEN MACHINE 0-1

Andy Todd's 2018 NFL Season Picks

2018 should be the year of the slot receiver. This new helmet/targeting rule has confused the hell out of referees, players, coaches and fans alike and while it was made with the idea of less injuries to receivers and defensive backs in mind, it will more likely resolve in more timid defensive plays across the middle of the field which the Tom Bradys and Julian Edelmans of the world will take advantage of. In other words, no quarterbacks should be blatantly terrible anymore and Cole Beasley is the hottest fantasy sleeper for 12-team PPR (Points Per Reception) leagues. It will be frustrating as all hell but also, fun for scoreboard watchers and fantasy football players such as myself. It's the first rule change I am happy about, as a supporter of the targeting ejections that take place every weekend in college football. Granted, I'm probably rushing this out on the eve of the NFL season but, I haven't been this excited to watch professional football in years. Let's get to my picks before I find myself on a 1 AM fantasy football drafting binge again.

AFC East
New England Patriots 12-4
Miami Dolphins 8-8
New York Jets 6-10
Buffalo Bills 3-13

Tom Brady is 41 years old and Ryan Tannehill is 30. They seem to have the same amount of years remaining in the NFL unless Tannehill finally has that breakthrough "I'm a top 10 QB in Adam Gase's offense" season that I could actually see happening given some oldheads drop off (Big Ben, Brady, Rivers, Brees, etc.). The Bills were actively trying to get worse last year, made the playoffs and actively had no idea what they were doing this offseason so, I expect them to regress to the talent levels of their roster. LeSean McCoy's assault case will be the determining factor for just how awful this Buffalo team can get. Sam Darnold never showed me anything that made him worthy of a 1st round pick at USC but, he looked like a completely different quarterback in the preseason and much like Papi LeBatard, "Si, Si, I am very intrigued" in what Darnold will be three years down the road. For now, the Jets are still a young-ish team building for the future (like every other non-Patriot team in the East).

AFC North
Baltimore Ravens 10-6
Pittsburgh Steelers 10-6
Cincinnati Bengals 5-11
Cleveland Browns 4-12

I've watched Hard Knocks on HBO. The Browns should be fun and entertaining and play some competitive games but, this is not a team going anywhere until they dump half of their fairly new coaching staff, make a backfield to be taken seriously and turn Baker Mayfield into a star. Pittsburgh is always wonky with Ben Roethlisberger's inconsistencies and they will struggle to dominate in the same way they have the past few years if Le'Veon Bell sits out a significant amount of time (I think he plays 6-10 games or gets traded). The biggest downfall for Pittsburgh this year will be the absence of Linebacker Ryan Shazier. T.J. Watt is very good but, they would have had a top 10 defense for sure with Shazier healthy and that's just tragic. I've heard some love for the Bengals recently (LOL) but, that's still Andy Dalton and Marvin Lewis's team with VERY few changes (they're the middle-class version of Green Bay's past managerial tactics). Meanwhile, the Ravens are my sleeper pick this offseason after they added three receivers with mixed reviews and at least one successful season in their past (which is something this team never has) in Michael Crabtree, John Brown and Willie Snead. With the combination of a darling rookie behind him and some serious deep threats for once, Joe Flacco is going to unleash one last bit of elite pigskin tossing before the Ravens dump him on the Giants next offseason for a 1st rounder or something (I'm really all in on the mediocre white quarterbacks this season). That Ravens defense is still quietly very good as well.

AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars 11-5
Houston Texans 9-7
Tennessee Titans 8-8
Indianapolis Colts 4-12

The Jaguars still have the NFL's best defense but, I see the Texans as a serious contender for that throne with the addition of safety Tyrann Mathieu (AKA: The Honey Badger) and the return of J.J. Watt (The Wisconsin Badger). The Titans are always a nice sleeper pick but, there are only so many wins I can hand out to the AFC South despite my love for every skill player in Tennessee. Maybe Mike Vrabel just blows a couple of games as a first year head coach, who knows? Speaking of first year coaches, Frank Reich should be able to pull out a second receiver out from under T.Y. Hilton but, what the hell is that backfield? (Marlon Mack, Nyheim Hines, Jordan Wilkins, Christine Michael?) and what the hell is this defense? (Is Malik Hooker their best defensive player?) Andrew Luck will be fine but, he'll be in catch-up mode all season long and that probably just risks further injury. Stay away from betting on this division until we're in the postseason.

USA TODAY Sports
Only the roughest of tides are scheduled for Captain Andrew Luck this season.

AFC West
Kansas City Chiefs 10-6
Denver Broncos 8-8
Los Angeles Chargers 7-9
Oakland Raiders 3-13

The Raiders payed Jon Gruden $100 million over the next 10 years and I think they'll fire him before the 2019 season begins, THAT is a bold prediction yet not totally unbelievable after "THIS GUY" took this team's chemistry and dipped it in sulfuric acid by sending Khalil Mack to the Bears for no active players a week prior to the season. Good luck trying to pin that one on conservative GM Reggie McKenzie. By the way, are we sure Derek Carr is good? 2016 was great but, everything else I've seen from him has me thinking of a smarter Matt Schaub. Denver still has a majority of their great defenses from years' past and added Bradley Chubb to offset losing Aqib Talib to L.A. The Chiefs are going to be slightly more pass-heavy with Sammy Watkins in town to aide Andy Reid's latest project quarterback in Patrick Mahomes (Who seems extremely McNabb-ian). Show me a healthy Chargers team from anytime over the past decade and you will have shown me a lie.

NFC East
Philadelphia Eagles 11-5
Washington 9-7
Dallas Cowboys 8-8
New York Giants 5-11

Ezekiel Elliott possibly playing all 16 games uninterrupted is going under the radar right now and despite their offense getting considerably worse around him, I could still see this Cowboy team sneaking into the postseason if Carson Wentz is out for longer than expected or Washington is unable to find their footing in the backfield without injured RB Derrius Guice. The Eagles just kept getting richer by adding DT Haloti Ngata, DE Michael Bennett, WR Mike Wallace and formerly-injured CB Sidney Jones to a Super Bowl winning roster so, my faith in an NFC East repeat is high as long as Nick Foles starts fewer than five games. The Giants could turn the health of Odell Beckham Jr. into a comeback season for Eli Manning AND they could run Saquon Barkley into the dirt, four yards at a time into a wildcard chase. Unfortunately, they do not have the offensive line for that (like Dallas did two years ago for Elliott's rookie season. I could see this going more like Trent Richardson's still successful rookie season) and Eli Manning's mechanics appear to be just as shot as his brother's were at the end of his career so, they'll be lucky to be in the playoff picture at any point. Washington has one of the most underrated linebacker groups in the league (Ryan Kerrigan, Preston Smith, Zach Brown) and all Alex Smith does at this point is avoid interceptions, run better than Aaron Rodgers and conduct himself as well as you could ask for from a starting quarterback. They are not a playoff team but, Washington will be in it until week 17.

NFC North
Minnesota Vikings 13-3
Green Bay Packers 11-5
Chicago Bears 7-9
Detroit Lions 5-11

There is nothing to NOT love about the Vikings right now, coming off an NFC Championship appearance with a better quarterback, a healthy Dalvin Cook and somehow, Sheldon Richardson now on their roster. It helps that their defense was young and awesome last year and should now be hitting their peak, thus making them a top-five defensive lock barring any serious injuries to multiple players. Green Bay tried mixing it up this offseason by actually spending money outside of Wisconsin and by giving short-term, "Prove it" deals to DE Muhammad Wilkerson, TE Jimmy Graham and CB Tramon Williams, they are taking some chances with no serious downfalls as they still have the depth behind these guys (a healthy DE Montravius Adams, TE Marcedes Lewis & Lance Kendricks and CB Jaire Alexander) to not totally drop off as long as Aaron Rodgers is healthy (a major "if" as of late). The Bears will be inconsistent with their defense (now starring Khalil Mack) winning them some games and losing some while QB Mitchell Trubisky finds his footing with Allen Robinson catching balls downfield. The Bears seem very 8-8 with how much potential they have in a post-Khalil Mack trade world but, the floor is still set at 5-11 after last season's lack of depth killed them. Detroit just continues to bore me in every way. Their defense found some flashes of greatness last year but, I can only trust a player that got hurt often at the beginning of his career for so long and Matthew Stafford still has one of the three most inconsistent sets of mechanics among current NFL quarterbacks (Cam Newton and Philip Rivers are the other two). Matt Patricia's last few years in New England do not have me convinced he'll succeed as a head coach either.

NFC South
New Orleans Saints 14-2
Carolina Panthers 11-5
Atlanta Falcons 10-6
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3-13

Seemingly every year a defense takes the next step from good to elite and this year, give me the New Orleans Saints. It might be tougher for them to become a top three or five defense with so much of their success depending on 2017 rookies that teams now have film on but, I trust Marcus Williams to bounce back mentally from the Stefon Diggs play that single-handedly killed the Saints' season last year. Carolina is still solid both offensively and defensively and they have now added the magic that is Norv Turner: Offensive Coordinator. His tricks aren't always good for long-term success but, Turner has gotten the best work of Sam Bradford's and Jason Campbell's careers so, hopefully Cam Newton can finally throw consistently accurate passes in his eighth season. The Falcons aren't that different from the same team that went 10-6 last year and Tampa Bay is no longer guaranteeing Jameis Winston the starting quarterback job with Ryan FitzMAGIC behind center during the crab thief's suspension. In other words, take the under on Tampa Bay's 6.5 wins as not even coach Dirk Koetter trusts that team's most important players anymore and Atlanta should not suddenly be a Super Bowl contender just because they added another receiver in Calvin Ridley.

Yahoo.com
Mike Evans needs to be freed from the football hell that Tampa Bay has been in since his first day in town.

NFC West
Los Angeles Rams 12-4
Seattle Seahawks 9-7
Arizona Cardinals 6-10
San Francisco 49ers 4-12

Maybe I'm undervaluing Jimmy Garoppolo but, this 49ers roster looks like a hodgepodge of proven nobodies that was thrown together with their athletic ceilings in mind and no concern for depth whatsoever. I too like what they have been able to do under GM John Lynch but, they will need to see some adversity before they become a playoff contender the way every pundit seems to have them locked in as right now. I also think that Sam Bradford is the best quarterback the Cardinals have had since their Super Bowl run outside of that one Carson Palmer regular season and even if he gets hurt again, Josh Rosen should not be that big of a step down. Along with Bradford, David Johnson is the most versatile non-Le'Veon Bell running back in the game (sorry Todd Gurley) and should keep Arizona's offense in the top 20 for a majority of the season. They won't be awful as long as Larry Fitzgerald, Patrick Peterson, Deonne Bucannon and Chandler Jones are around. The same could be said about Seattle as long as Russell Wilson is as amazingly athletic as he currently is. I just hope that the Seahawks can put together a multi-faceted roster before Wilson is forced into becoming a pocket quarterback (something I could see him equally thriving in). Their defense is very messy right now but, the offense should actually be better as they have a line that stars Duane Brown for an entire season, running backs more likely to rush for at least 300 yards (Literally no Seattle running back eclipsed 300 yards last season) and Brandon Marshall? (does he have anything left? If he does, that'd be awesome). The Rams should remain uncontested as long as health cooperates and thankfully, nobody has made the "Dream Team" statement despite that being the inspiration for all of the acquisitions this team made on that side of the ball this offseason (in all fairness, nobody added onto that early-2010s Eagle team was as good as Ndamukong Suh, Marcus Peters or even Aqib Talib are right now).

MVP - QB Drew Brees
OPOTY - RB David Johnson
DPOTY - DT Aaron Donald
OROTY - RB Saquon Barkley
DROTY - DE Bradley Chubb
CoachOTY - John Harbaugh
ComebackPOTY - DE J.J. Watt
Passing leader - Drew Brees
Rushing leader - David Johnson
Receiving leader - T.Y. Hilton
1st Coach Fired - Hue Jackson

My Official Super Bowl Prediction
Saints 34 - Texans 17
This year, I did not go through and pick every game the way I had in previous seasons but, that would not have changed how good I feel about these two balanced rosters. Sure, the Houston o-line is atrocious but DeShaun Watson might just be the second-coming of Russell Wilson and that should carry him through the weaker of the two conferences and into the deeper postseason. Meanwhile, the Saints are the more experienced playoff team and I feel have the superior coaching staff that should be able to handle the Watsons, Fullers and even DeAndre Hopkins' of the world while Drew Brees just keeps throwing bombs on the way to a well-earned second championship and an Elway-like ride off into the sunset. I like the poetic happy endings more than the sudden "OMG, Carson Wentz and Nick Foles are both technically Super Bowl Champions" storylines. It's what makes sports so great.

Super Bowl MVP: QB Drew Brees

May your team dodge all injuries and have a fun, competitive season filled with much success!