Week 2
Our 4th official season of blaming Cole Walters for nosy neighbors.
Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 2-0 W5
The Scottfather (Scott Aschebrook) 1-1 L1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 1-1 L1
Cole World (Cole Walters) 1-1 L1
Shooter McGavin Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 1-1 W1
Perfectly Balanced (Nick Zurawski) 1-1 W1
Crazy Todd's Driveway Band (Andy Todd) 1-1 W1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 0-2 L2
Waiver Wonders: QB Ben Roethlisberger (38 points), QB Kirk Cousins (33), QB Blake Bortles (32)
The Scottfather (Scott Aschebrook) 1-1 L1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 1-1 L1
Cole World (Cole Walters) 1-1 L1
Shooter McGavin Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 1-1 W1
Perfectly Balanced (Nick Zurawski) 1-1 W1
Crazy Todd's Driveway Band (Andy Todd) 1-1 W1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 0-2 L2
Week Two Final Scores
ANDY 132 COLE 123
RYAN 124 DARRIN 104
ALEC 172 SCOTT 126
NICK 149 SNEEN 124
Heroes of the Week: QB Patrick Mahomes (Andy), WR Stefon Diggs (Alec), RB Todd Gurley (Ryan)
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| AP Photo/Don Wright Hero of the Week: QB Patrick Mahomes (Crazy Todd's Driveway Band) |
Zeros of the Week: DF Baltimore Ravens (Darrin)
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| John Sommers II.UPI Zero of the Week: DF Baltimore Ravens (Team ChowHounds) |
Upcoming Week 15 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Ryan vs. Nick
Cole vs. Scott
Sneen vs. Darrin
Alec vs. Andy
Thursday: NY Jets @ Cleveland 7:20 PM
Sunday: New Orleans @ Atlanta NOON
San Francisco @ Kansas City NOON
Oakland @ Miami NOON
Buffalo @ Minnesota NOON
Indianapolis @ Philadelphia NOON
Green Bay @ Washington NOON
Cincinnati @ Carolina NOON
Tennessee @ Jacksonville NOON
Denver @ Baltimore NOON
NY Giants @ Houston NOON
LA Chargers @ LA Rams 3:05 PM
Chicago @ Arizona 3:25 PM
Dallas @ Seattle 3:25 PM
New England @ Detroit 7:20 PM
Monday: Pittsburgh @ Tampa Bay 7:15 PM
Bro...
Garbage time football is a lot like shopping at a thrift store or even Goodwill. You don't expect anything whatsoever but, a diamond in the rough shines through and changes your mood temporarily for the better. Not only did Evan Engram's seemingly inconsequential touchdown with 1:27 remaining in the Giants-Cowboys' game clock hold WRBL implications (It was enough for Andy to usurp a victory from Cole) but, that Russell Wilson touchdown pass to Will Dissly with 14 seconds remaining on Monday Night Football? Yep, that won me a league as well (My TD-only league, Todd's Tornadoes dropped 65 points on our opponent's 62, the most points ever scored in a loss IN 39 YEARS!). As if these instances weren't special enough for my vacation, I also went shopping at a couple of thrift stores and found a few really cool items (to me) for a grand total of $12. It turned around an otherwise uneventful day (much like those uneventful primetime games) that featured a bleak dentist trip into one to remember and attempt to emulate in the future. It would be foolish of me to not acknowledge the other side to this sudden shift in fortunes, as I'm sure somebody else out there was just waiting to find that $2 copy of The Bee Movie and will now have to continue their search elsewhere, much like how Cole will now have to wait to find a second win (which will surely come just as easily as it is to find The Bee Movie in any local thrift store for under $4 as it's only a matter of time, let's be real here). Cole's Sunday probably turned to immediate garbage as a result but hey, your comeback/upset/last second/garbage win is coming, bud and that's the fun of fantasy football.
Even with Cole and Crazy Todd's Driveway Band being the only matchup with any last-minute heroics, there were still three other WRBL matches that contained many points, lineup mistakes and storylines. The soon-to-be father defeated The Scottfather after Alec's main players (QB,RB,WR) went OFF for a combined 140 points and would have single-handedly taken down Scott's squad despite a 14-catch performance out of Christian McCaffrey. BTW guys, here is a rule to consider for the future... Should we even be a PPR league? or should we fully evolved brain meme ourselves into a PPFD (Points Per First Down) league? Just throwing that one out there as three running backs caught 13 or more passes for far fewer first downs and having lesser importance on the actual games themselves compared to our fantasy game. Tyler Sneen surprisingly crapped the bed on keeping his match with Nick at all dramatic. Sneen's lowlights this week included Jamaal Williams and Isaiah Crowell combining for 14 points and typically brilliant tight end Rob Gronkowski being nearly silenced by Jacksonville's awesome defense to the tune of just three points. Starting Will Fuller (25 points) in his first game back from injury would not have won the matchup but, could have kept Nick on his toes headed into Sunday Night with only RB Ezekiel Elliott to save him. Lastly in our rivalry match of the week, Ryan continued his annoying reign over our league as the lone undefeated team after two weeks but signs of cracks in the foundation are showing as the youngster did not crack the top four in scoring and suffered a loss in the hypothetical standings (located at the bottom of this post). Todd Gurley was incredible again (shout out to my TD-only team once more) and Michael Thomas proves that sometimes your biases are not just biased and sometimes that team you root for really does have a special talent. Michael Thomas is on pace for 224 receptions and if that actually happens, Ryan might have to dust off the trophy for himself.
Are you tired of football yet? If so, then this is not the game for you because weeks one and two have been pretty awesome. Week three is not guaranteed to keep the juices flowing but, Jets-Browns could see one longtime non-winning streak come to an end Thursday night if the Browns just let Greg Joseph tune out the pressure of kicking that clearly got to now-released Zane Gonzalez (or maybe that was his injury that caused Cleveland's latest demise?). Sunday's early slate sees the Bills attempting to avoid louder 0-16 whispers against the Vikings and their new kicker, Dan Bailey (Daniel Carlson, we hardly knew ye), the Eagles welcoming Carson Wentz (and Jordan Matthews?) back into the huddle against recently-revived Andrew Luck and the Colts and the highlight of New Orleans traveling to Atlanta in a game that will hopefully clear up that division a bit further. The Falcons are losing the war of attrition quickly (G Andy LeVitre, LB Deion Jones and S Keanu Neal are all on IR) and the Saints have given Jekyll and Hyde performances from one week to the next on both ends of the football. The late-afternoon games are 3/3 on entertainment and maybe 1/6 on good teams playing (the LA Rams are a lock right now barring injury). Sunday night is going to be the peak of fantasy football this season when Josh Gordon comes storming out of the gate against Detroit for a Randy Moss-like performance from here on out now that the Patriots somehow snagged him away from the Browns for a signed photograph of Joe Andruzzi. Maybe the Browns could have somehow thrown Jimmy Butler into the deal also. That would clear up programming for a lot of midwestern sports radio right now. After the week that Pittsburgh has had, I'm sure they're looking forward to just shutting up and playing football in the damp, Florida heat against Captain Redbeard himself, Ryan Fitzmagic and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for the final game of Jameis "Crab Legs & Uber Drivers" Winston's suspension.
In case you've forgotten the REAL task at hand here, the WRBL will also be in play this weekend as Nick Zurawski's evenly distributed Perfectly Balanced gets the next chance at blowing over Team Easy Breesy's winning streak. The only thing worse than kicking off a season to an 0-3 start is doing that and losing to the man that has found himself in the same position the past two seasons, Darrin Aschebrook and his Team ChowHounds. Granted, Darrin didn't just re-draft the same team as his past two dud seasons (Aaron Rodgers & Alvin Kamara still remain) but, his track record in the WRBL is not terrific. Alec may be paying taxes to own his home but, when's the last time he payed his driveway's taxes? Hmmm? Didn't think so. Don't fact check this. In a battle that could see one team alone at the top of the Shooter McGavin Division, my Crazy Todd's Driveway Band will try Mr. Swanson's dedication to his Bear fandom when my Bears defense (hopefully) gives his barely Bear lineup (shout out to Trey Burton!) the beating of a lifetime. Lastly, It's Cole's World and Scott is just playing for second in Cole's division. No one man should have all this power but, Cole's name is all over everything (even The Shelby!) and he's trotting out his own Ivy League graduate (shout out to Columbia!) in Harvard's own Ryan Fitzpatrick against a likely resilient duo of Russell Wilson and David Johnson for The Scottfather. Okay, one more question... Why is Scott The Scottfather? Wouldn't that make him his own father? I thought Darrin was Scott's father? Do we need to appear on an episode of Maury? They film in Chicago. Guys, this sounds like a road trip idea. Let's do it. But first, Points Per First Down.
Cam Newton 44 (Nick)
Aaron Rodgers 39 (Darrin)
Tom Brady 37 (Sneen)
Russell Wilson 33 (Scott)
Todd Gurley 54 (Ryan)
James Conner 51 (Cole)
Christian McCaffrey 40 (Scott)
Dalvin Cook 24 (Andy)
Jordan Howard 24 (Ryan)
Kareem Hunt 18 (Andy)
Tevin Coleman 15 (Cole)
Leonard Fournette 8 (Cole)
Mike Evans 49 (Scott)
Davante Adams 39 (Scott)
Antonio Brown 39 (Darrin)
Julio Jones 38 (Ryan)
T.Y. Hilton 36 (Andy)
Odell Beckham Jr. 31 (Andy)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 31 (Sneen)
Jarvis Landry 28 (Scott)
Demaryius Thomas 24 (Darrin)
Golden Tate 20 (Ryan)
Brandin Cooks 13 (Nick)
Zach Ertz 29 (Sneen)
Rob Gronkowski 26 (Sneen)
Trey Burton 14 (Alec)
Kyle Rudolph 14 (Ryan)
Stephen Gostkowski 17 (Nick)
Matt Bryant 16 (Cole)
Greg Zuerlein 16 (Ryan)
Wil Lutz 13 (Alec)
Minnesota Vikings 20 (Cole)
Los Angeles Chargers 11 (Nick)
Team Easy Breesy 1-1
Crazy Todd's Driveway Band 1-1
SNEEN MACHINE 0-2
Ryan vs. Nick
Cole vs. Scott
Sneen vs. Darrin
Alec vs. Andy
Thursday: NY Jets @ Cleveland 7:20 PM
Sunday: New Orleans @ Atlanta NOON
San Francisco @ Kansas City NOON
Oakland @ Miami NOON
Buffalo @ Minnesota NOON
Indianapolis @ Philadelphia NOON
Green Bay @ Washington NOON
Cincinnati @ Carolina NOON
Tennessee @ Jacksonville NOON
Denver @ Baltimore NOON
NY Giants @ Houston NOON
LA Chargers @ LA Rams 3:05 PM
Chicago @ Arizona 3:25 PM
Dallas @ Seattle 3:25 PM
New England @ Detroit 7:20 PM
Monday: Pittsburgh @ Tampa Bay 7:15 PM
Bro...
Garbage time football is a lot like shopping at a thrift store or even Goodwill. You don't expect anything whatsoever but, a diamond in the rough shines through and changes your mood temporarily for the better. Not only did Evan Engram's seemingly inconsequential touchdown with 1:27 remaining in the Giants-Cowboys' game clock hold WRBL implications (It was enough for Andy to usurp a victory from Cole) but, that Russell Wilson touchdown pass to Will Dissly with 14 seconds remaining on Monday Night Football? Yep, that won me a league as well (My TD-only league, Todd's Tornadoes dropped 65 points on our opponent's 62, the most points ever scored in a loss IN 39 YEARS!). As if these instances weren't special enough for my vacation, I also went shopping at a couple of thrift stores and found a few really cool items (to me) for a grand total of $12. It turned around an otherwise uneventful day (much like those uneventful primetime games) that featured a bleak dentist trip into one to remember and attempt to emulate in the future. It would be foolish of me to not acknowledge the other side to this sudden shift in fortunes, as I'm sure somebody else out there was just waiting to find that $2 copy of The Bee Movie and will now have to continue their search elsewhere, much like how Cole will now have to wait to find a second win (which will surely come just as easily as it is to find The Bee Movie in any local thrift store for under $4 as it's only a matter of time, let's be real here). Cole's Sunday probably turned to immediate garbage as a result but hey, your comeback/upset/last second/garbage win is coming, bud and that's the fun of fantasy football.
 |
| AP/Nam Y. Huh Khalil Mack continues to assist the Bears' defense in making elite quarterbacks work harder. |
Even with Cole and Crazy Todd's Driveway Band being the only matchup with any last-minute heroics, there were still three other WRBL matches that contained many points, lineup mistakes and storylines. The soon-to-be father defeated The Scottfather after Alec's main players (QB,RB,WR) went OFF for a combined 140 points and would have single-handedly taken down Scott's squad despite a 14-catch performance out of Christian McCaffrey. BTW guys, here is a rule to consider for the future... Should we even be a PPR league? or should we fully evolved brain meme ourselves into a PPFD (Points Per First Down) league? Just throwing that one out there as three running backs caught 13 or more passes for far fewer first downs and having lesser importance on the actual games themselves compared to our fantasy game. Tyler Sneen surprisingly crapped the bed on keeping his match with Nick at all dramatic. Sneen's lowlights this week included Jamaal Williams and Isaiah Crowell combining for 14 points and typically brilliant tight end Rob Gronkowski being nearly silenced by Jacksonville's awesome defense to the tune of just three points. Starting Will Fuller (25 points) in his first game back from injury would not have won the matchup but, could have kept Nick on his toes headed into Sunday Night with only RB Ezekiel Elliott to save him. Lastly in our rivalry match of the week, Ryan continued his annoying reign over our league as the lone undefeated team after two weeks but signs of cracks in the foundation are showing as the youngster did not crack the top four in scoring and suffered a loss in the hypothetical standings (located at the bottom of this post). Todd Gurley was incredible again (shout out to my TD-only team once more) and Michael Thomas proves that sometimes your biases are not just biased and sometimes that team you root for really does have a special talent. Michael Thomas is on pace for 224 receptions and if that actually happens, Ryan might have to dust off the trophy for himself.
Are you tired of football yet? If so, then this is not the game for you because weeks one and two have been pretty awesome. Week three is not guaranteed to keep the juices flowing but, Jets-Browns could see one longtime non-winning streak come to an end Thursday night if the Browns just let Greg Joseph tune out the pressure of kicking that clearly got to now-released Zane Gonzalez (or maybe that was his injury that caused Cleveland's latest demise?). Sunday's early slate sees the Bills attempting to avoid louder 0-16 whispers against the Vikings and their new kicker, Dan Bailey (Daniel Carlson, we hardly knew ye), the Eagles welcoming Carson Wentz (and Jordan Matthews?) back into the huddle against recently-revived Andrew Luck and the Colts and the highlight of New Orleans traveling to Atlanta in a game that will hopefully clear up that division a bit further. The Falcons are losing the war of attrition quickly (G Andy LeVitre, LB Deion Jones and S Keanu Neal are all on IR) and the Saints have given Jekyll and Hyde performances from one week to the next on both ends of the football. The late-afternoon games are 3/3 on entertainment and maybe 1/6 on good teams playing (the LA Rams are a lock right now barring injury). Sunday night is going to be the peak of fantasy football this season when Josh Gordon comes storming out of the gate against Detroit for a Randy Moss-like performance from here on out now that the Patriots somehow snagged him away from the Browns for a signed photograph of Joe Andruzzi. Maybe the Browns could have somehow thrown Jimmy Butler into the deal also. That would clear up programming for a lot of midwestern sports radio right now. After the week that Pittsburgh has had, I'm sure they're looking forward to just shutting up and playing football in the damp, Florida heat against Captain Redbeard himself, Ryan Fitzmagic and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for the final game of Jameis "Crab Legs & Uber Drivers" Winston's suspension.
 |
| Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images One last Hoorah! for Nick Foles, backup quarterback with a Super Bowl MVP. |
In case you've forgotten the REAL task at hand here, the WRBL will also be in play this weekend as Nick Zurawski's evenly distributed Perfectly Balanced gets the next chance at blowing over Team Easy Breesy's winning streak. The only thing worse than kicking off a season to an 0-3 start is doing that and losing to the man that has found himself in the same position the past two seasons, Darrin Aschebrook and his Team ChowHounds. Granted, Darrin didn't just re-draft the same team as his past two dud seasons (Aaron Rodgers & Alvin Kamara still remain) but, his track record in the WRBL is not terrific. Alec may be paying taxes to own his home but, when's the last time he payed his driveway's taxes? Hmmm? Didn't think so. Don't fact check this. In a battle that could see one team alone at the top of the Shooter McGavin Division, my Crazy Todd's Driveway Band will try Mr. Swanson's dedication to his Bear fandom when my Bears defense (hopefully) gives his barely Bear lineup (shout out to Trey Burton!) the beating of a lifetime. Lastly, It's Cole's World and Scott is just playing for second in Cole's division. No one man should have all this power but, Cole's name is all over everything (even The Shelby!) and he's trotting out his own Ivy League graduate (shout out to Columbia!) in Harvard's own Ryan Fitzpatrick against a likely resilient duo of Russell Wilson and David Johnson for The Scottfather. Okay, one more question... Why is Scott The Scottfather? Wouldn't that make him his own father? I thought Darrin was Scott's father? Do we need to appear on an episode of Maury? They film in Chicago. Guys, this sounds like a road trip idea. Let's do it. But first, Points Per First Down.
 |
| In the case of 281 month old Scott Aschebrook, Scott... You are NOT The ScottFather. |
Scoring Leaders
QB
Patrick Mahomes 66 (Andy)
Drew Brees 48 (Ryan)
Aaron Rodgers 39 (Darrin)
Matt Ryan 37 (Alec)
Andrew Luck 11 (Cole)
DeShaun Watson 11 (Cole)
RB
Alvin Kamara 59 (Darrin)
Melvin Gordon 56 (Alec)
Saquon Barkley 44 (Alec)
Ezekiel Elliott 34 (Nick)
Joe Mixon 34 (Andy)
James White 29 (Darrin)
Isaiah Crowell 27 (Sneen)
Kenyan Drake 24 (Nick)
David Johnson 22 (Scott)
LeSean McCoy 12 (Darrin)
Jamaal Williams 9 (Sneen)
Adrian Peterson 8 (Ryan)
Devonta Freeman 7 (Sneen)
Dion Lewis 5 (Nick)
Dion Lewis 5 (Nick)
WR
Michael Thomas 68 (Ryan)
Tyreek Hill 61 (Alec)
Stefon Diggs 48 (Alec)
A.J. Green 48 (Cole)
Adam Thielen 47 (Cole)
DeAndre Hopkins 38 (Nick)
Keenan Allen 36 (Nick)
JuJu Smith-Schuster 31 (Sneen)
Chris Hogan 21 (Sneen)
Larry Fitzgerald 19 (Cole)
Cooper Kupp 12 (Alec)
Amari Cooper 1 (Alec)
TE
Travis Kelce 30 (Nick)
Jordan Reed 23 (Scott)
Evan Engram 22 (Andy)
Evan Engram 22 (Andy)
Jimmy Graham 17 (Darrin)
Kyle Rudolph 14 (Ryan)
Delanie Walker 9 (Cole)
Greg Olsen 5 (Ryan)
George Kittle 4 (Cole)
George Kittle 4 (Cole)
K
Mason Crosby 25 (Sneen)
Justin Tucker 19 (Scott)
Harrison Butker 15 (Andy)
Robbie Gould 14 (Darrin)
Robbie Gould 14 (Darrin)
Chris Boswell 2 (Darrin)
DF
Los Angeles Rams 26 (Scott)
Jacksonville Jaguars 17 (Alec)
Baltimore Ravens 15 (Darrin)
Baltimore Ravens 15 (Darrin)
Philadelphia Eagles 14 (Ryan)
Houston Texans 10 (Sneen)
New England Patriots 7 (Nick)
New Orleans Saints -4 (Andy)
Hypothetical Standings
The Scottfather 2-0
Tax Paying Homeowner 1-1
Cole World 1-1
Perfectly Balanced 1-1
Team ChowHounds 1-1
SNEEN MACHINE 0-2
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