Every single minor rule change/proposal/decision has a major impact on the history of the Wisconsin Rapids Bro League. How do I know this? Look no further than this year's champion Scott Aschebrook. If we had just decided to go with one wildcard from each division (divisions are relatively pointless in this league but, they do exist for the sole purpose of getting division winners in the postseason), I'd be bragging up the incredible run of season-long .500 winner Ryan Dougherty's run to a championship, his second in three years. Instead, he wasted two weeks of a combined 315 points, leading the league in scoring each week, only to get the #5 seed at the season's conclusion. Nick Zurawski ended up sneaking into the playoffs thanks to his opponents dropping 69 (nice, Cole) and 76 (Alec) the final 2 weeks of the 2019 regular season and his 7-7 record was deemed more valuable thanks to a lackluster first 12 weeks from Ryan's team in terms of scoring. What? You thought I was actually going to give Scott credit and brag up the first ever back-to-back champion? Nahh, fuck that guy. He got his.
Instead, I'd like to look forward since everything in the present is a nightmare. Some minor changes that I have planned going into 2020's makeshift NFL/fantasy football season...
- No more Zeros of the Week (The world is negative enough as we know it)
- The What-if? of the week (Started a 5-point Kirk Cousins performance over Drew Brees and his 31-point explosion on Monday Night Football and it cost you a comeback victory? This is where that will come up)
- My team name is now the Christy Fichtner All-Stars. I plan on following a trajectory much like the 1986 Miss USA pageant winner in fantasy this year. Sure, everybody remembers the 2nd place finisher from that year (If not, Google is your friend) but at the end of the day, Fichtner won. In other words, I am speaking another Andy Todd championship into existence by playing decently all season, not ultimately deserving the Shelby trophy and obtaining it anyway.
- The addition of a ninth team to the WRBL. Long gone are the days of Josh Tiffany, Alex Silka and Evan Moon (remember Moon?) but please move your hands together in the clapping formation for our latest expansion as we will add Nathaniel Hoefs (2013 Lincoln High graduate and avid sports fanatic). Apparently we'll just be sticking with an odd number of teams and fantasy bye weeks? I GUESS!
Here's the annual summary of facts, stats, doodads and whatnot from a simpler time, 2019....
Final Standings
#1. Scott Aschebrook#2. Nick Zurawski
#3. Andy Todd
#4. Tyler Sneen
#5. Ryan Dougherty
#6. Alec Swanson
#7. Cole Walters
#8. Darrin Aschebrook
1. The Patriots signing Antonio Brown.
2. Storming Area 51 to no avail.
3. Jay Z's music not being on Spotify. (SINCE RECTIFIED!)
4. The lighting during that one battle episode on Game of Thrones.
5. Every job opportunity being replaced with robots.
6. Our league's tenuous relationship with China.
7. Neil Diamond getting my friend banned from a Pittsville bar.
8. Kanye going gospel.
9. Boomers.
10. The lack of creativity in the Cleveland Browns' helmet design.
11. Frost warnings.
12. The artist formerly known as Papa John.
13. Jason Garrett getting a head coaching gig in the first place.
14. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea.
15. Scheduling my root canal for five days before Christmas.
16. No special NBA Christmas Day jerseys.
RB - LeSean McCoy 9*
QB - Jameis Winston 42*
RB - Jonathan Williams 3
TE - Greg Olsen 24*
TE - Jared Cook 9*
TE - Darren Fells 7
DF - Dallas Cowboys 21*
Alec Swanson
WR - Stefon Diggs 14*
WR - Auden Tate 9
RB - Phillip Lindsay 48
DF - Tennessee Titans 7
DF - Seattle Seahawks 2
RB - Kenyan Drake 4*
WR - Tyler Lockett 52*
WR - Cole Beasley 14
PK - Robbie Gould 27*
DF - Philadelphia Eagles 35*
DF - Green Bay Packers 18
DF - Pittsburgh Steelers 15*
DF - Denver Broncos 9
DF - Carolina Panthers 7*
Nick Zurawski
QB - Lamar Jackson 368
QB - Matt Ryan 18
RB - Leonard Fournette 236
RB - David Johnson 115
RB - Josh Jacocbs 114
RB - Chris Carson 89
RB - David Montgomery 6*
RB - Chase Edmonds 2
WR - DeAndre Hopkins 261
WR - Odell Beckham Jr. 121
WR - Tyler Boyd 42*
WR - Sammy Watkins 27
TE - David Njoku 12
PK - Harrison Butker 154
PK - Ka'imi Fairbairn 8*
DF - Chicago Bears 72
DF - Baltimore Ravens 7*
DF - Carolina Panthers 5*
1 - RB Christian McCaffrey, WR DeAndre Hopkins, QB DeShaun Watson
NFL.com 6-time Hero of the Week (a new record) Lamar Jackson. |
Key = Player Name, Point Total (Owner during highest scoring season)
Quarterbacks
- Aaron Rodgers 1,254 (Darrin)
- Tom Brady 1,036 (Andy)
- Drew Brees 1,026 (Ryan)
- Cam Newton 838 (Josh)
- Russell Wilson 758 (Alex)
- Matt Ryan 689 (Alec)
- Patrick Mahomes 618 (Scott)
- DeShaun Watson 469 (Cole) -replaces Andrew Luck-
- Philip Rivers 431 (Moon)
- Ben Roethlisberger 410 (Scott)
Running Backs
- Todd Gurley 1,199 (Ryan)
- Christian McCaffrey 984 (Scott)
- Ezekiel Elliott 932 (Nick)
- Le'Veon Bell 929 (Alec)
- Melvin Gordon 898 (Alec)
- David Johnson 841 (Nick)
- Devonta Freeman 831 (Darrin)
- Alvin Kamara 797 (Darrin)
- LeSean McCoy 778 (Darrin)
- Mark Ingram 751 (Nick) -replaces Lamar Miller-
- DeAndre Hopkins 1,312 (Nick) -passes Antonio Brown as All-Time Scoring Leader-
- Julio Jones 1,285 (Andy)
- Antonio Brown 1,279 (Sneen)
- Mike Evans 1,061 (Scott)
- Odell Beckham Jr. 954 (Cole)
- Michael Thomas 938 (Andy) -replaces Fitzgerald, DThomas & Cooks-
- Keenan Allen 817 (Nick) -replaces Fitzgerald, DThomas & Cooks-
- A.J. Green 787 (Alec)
- Jarvis Landy 768 (Nick)
- T.Y. Hilton 715 (Nick) -replaces Fitzgerald, DThomas & Cooks-
- Travis Kelce 1,098 (Nick)
- Zach Ertz 681 (Sneen)
- Rob Gronkowski 621 (Nick)
- Delanie Walker 529 (Andy)
- Jimmy Graham 445 (Nick)
- Greg Olsen 432 (Darrin)
- George Kittle 407 (Cole)
- Jordan Reed 334 (Sneen)
- Jason Witten 299 (Josh)
- Evan Engram 272 (Cole & Darrin) -replaces Tyler Eifert-
- Justin Tucker 668 (Sneen)
- Stephen Gostkowski 603 (Scott)
- Wil Lutz 508 (Alec)
- Mason Crosby 434 (Darrin)
- Matt Bryant 361 (Cole)
- Harrison Butker 361 (Andy)
- Matt Prater 361 (Cole)
- Greg Zuerlein 299 (Ryan)
- Dan Bailey 217 (Darrin)
- Brandon McManus 209 (Alec)
- New England Patriots 398
- Denver Broncos 388
- Carolina Panthers 371
- Los Angeles Rams 362
- Minnesota Vikings 361
- Baltimore Ravens 333
- Houston Texans 274
- Seattle Seahawks 268
- Pittsburgh Steelers 235 -replaces Philadelphia Eagles-
- Arizona Cardinals 225
WR - Michael Thomas (Andy Todd)
D/ST - New England Patriots (Scott Aschebrook)
WRBL Rookie of the Year - QB Kyler Murray (Scott Aschebrook)
AP Photo/Rick Scuteri Leading Scott to a second championship gave Murray the slight edge over non-NFL rookie TE Darren Waller for WRBL ROTY. |
Lynne Sladky/AP Due to off-the-field incidents and a complete sabotaging of his own career, the former all-time leading WRBL scorer only played one game in 2019. |
Joe Nicholson - USA TODAY Sports Russell Wilson managed to drop 272 points in 2019 despite a post-week one release by Andy Todd. |
AP/Jeffrey T. Barnes 2018's Bust of the Year stayed healthy and caught 76 passes in Nick's runner-up run. |
Frank Jansky/Icon Sportswire "Winning" Zero of the Week three times, breaking Drew Brees' thumb and dropping from Super Bowl to no playoffs are a perfect recipe to winning Zero(s) of the Year. |
Jacob Kupferman/Getty Images Back-to-back champion? Back-to-back MVP. |
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