WRBL Week 12 2015

The Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Week 12

Our 2nd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for Britney Spears's 2007 VMA "Comeback"

Current Standings

Arnold Division

Moon's Microdongs (Nick Zurawski) 8-4 W3

50 Shades of Ginger (Evan Moon) 8-4 W7

Sneen Machine (Tyler Sneen) 7-5 W1

Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds (Father Aschebrook) 6-6 L6

Bilbo Unable To Braggins (Scott Aschebrook) 3-9 L3

Gerald Division

Spider 2 Y Banana (Andy Todd) 7-5 L2

Carolina Loves Romo (Alec Swanson) 7-5 L1

John, Can I Use The Suburban? (Cole Walters) 7-5 W3

Team Silka (Alex Silka) 6-6 W3

Team Tiffany (Josh Tiffany) 1-11 L6

Week Twelve Final Scores

WALTERS  143  SWANSON  136
ZURAWSKI  131  TODD  105
MOON  158  ASCHEBROOK SR.  110
SNEEN  103  ASCHEBROOK  92
SILKA  151  TIFFANY  62

Ed Mulholland - USA TODAY Sports
Hero of the Week: WR Jarvis Landry (Moon's Microdongs)

Heroes of the Week: WR Calvin Johnson (Silka), WR Jarvis Landry (Zurawski), QB Russell Wilson (Silka)

Zeros of the Week: DF St. Louis Rams (Sneen), Owner Josh Tiffany (Tiffany), WR Rishard Matthews (Tiffany)

Photo: Cara Owsley
Zero of the Week: DF St. Louis Rams (Sneen Machine)

Upcoming Week 13 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)

Spider 2 Y Banana v. Team Tiffany
Carolina Loves Romo v. Sneen Machine
50 Shades of Ginger v. Moon's Microdongs
Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds v. Bilbo Unable To Braggins
John, Can I Use The Suburban? v. Team Silka

Thursday Game: Green Bay @ Detroit 7:30 PM

Sunday: NY Jets @ NY Giants NOON
Arizona @ St. Louis NOON
Atlanta @ Tampa Bay NOON
Seattle @ Minnesota NOON
Houston @ Buffalo NOON
Baltimore @ Miami NOON
Cincinnati @ Cleveland NOON
Jacksonville @ Tennessee NOON
San Francisco @ Chicago NOON
Denver @ San Diego 3:05 PM
Kansas City @ Oakland 3:05 PM
Carolina @ New Orleans 3:25 PM
Philadelphia @ New England 3:25 PM
Indianapolis @ Pittsburgh 7:30 PM
Monday: Dallas @ Washington 7:30 PM

Bro...

Thanksgiving has come and passed and the Bro League is now getting geared up for the fantasy playoffs. With only one regular season week left, every one of the seeds in the playoffs are up for grabs and only Nick Zurawski and Evan Moon have clinched playoff spots up to this point as they are both 8-4, two games ahead of Scott's dad. Week 12 was one to remember as one match-up came down to the first Monday Night Football game I've missed in years (on purpose), false promises were made in last week's recap (Carr v. Mariota never happened) and the hottest team in the league faced the coldest team in the league (at least, the coldest team paying attention) with predictable results. Nick and I originally had Marcus Mariota and Derek Carr set in our lineups at the time of last week's WRBL recap but, just hours after being posted, a tiny sentence hyping up the Titans-Raiders game as a deciding game between us became irrelevant as Nick outright dropped Derek Carr for a sack of potatoes (Brian Hoyer) and thus sparked the rivalry between unofficial 2012 and semi-official 2014 champ Nick and unofficial 2013 champ, myself (we don't really address pre-2014 as the turnover in league owners was even worse than it was this off-season and not enough people cared). Out of spite, I re-benched Mariota for Tom Brady (which ended up being the right call) and ended up at least outscoring Nick in QB points by 9 when he should have just hung onto Carr all along (23 points compared to Hoyer's 14). Nick still beat me but, there are moral victories in fantasy football (as opposed to in real sports) and I'll take the L with a shrug. Team Silka nearly beat Team Tiffany by 100 points until Gary "LeBarn James" Barnidge put up a valiant 16 point effort on Monday Night, giving Josh another pass from the yet-to-be-accomplished century-mark loss. The fall from grace for Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds has been almost as incredible as Bak's 0-16 2014. Sir Mister Scott's Dad Aschebrook Senior The Third DDS, Esq. has gone from being THE team to beat at 6-0 to THE beaten team at 6-6 and the likes of Aaron Rodgers, Matt Forte' and even waiver-wire gems like Devonta Freeman, Dion Lewis and Spencer Ware have not been enough for an amazing six straight weeks. He still has a shot at the playoffs with a win and a Sneen Machine loss and with Rodgers, Forte', Freeman and Emmanuel Sanders back at 100% health, anything is possible. 50 Shades of Ginger (Moon's new team name) won convincingly over Thee Chowhounds thanks to double-digit performances out of everyone not named Blair Walsh or Latavius Murray. Moon has now clinched a seat in the playoffs and has won 7-straight after an inconsistent September and the trash talk that Scott dished out on Moon seems pretty ridiculous given the two's records now. That just goes to show everyone that you cannot predict fantasy football on a week-to-week basis without being embarrassingly wrong on something. Speaking of Scott, he lost to Sneen and his machine by 11 so somebody just call him and make sure he's okay. 

Now, onto the real story that everybody is talking about within the league... Thursday looked like the end of the road for many teams, Philadelphia, Dallas, Green Bay's Super Bowl hopes and most importantly, Cole Walters' team. Alec only had two players going on Thanksgiving and WR Alshon Jeffery with a dash of Carolina Panthers defense seemed like the winning recipe as they churned out an excellent 39 points thanks to Tony Romo's two pick-sixes. Thursday's action left a bitter taste with Cold Waters and he felt he needed to do more than just swap in a new player at his flex position so, he did what any sensible and not-at-all superstitious fantasy owner would do and changed his team name to "John, Can I Use The Suburban?". Cole was relieved to see every one of his players show up on Sunday with the highlight being a 29-point performance out of Odell Beckham Jr. and cut the deficit to ten as Alec also had a solid day and the score was 136-126 with only Cole's RB Javorious Allen (a first-time starter in both the NFL and WRBL) left to play. Walters put up a bold suggestion of "The Suburban is going to take down Alec this week" and would you look at that, he was right! Allen caught a touchdown pass and the rest is history as Alec and Cole both enter must-win scenarios this week just in case Team Silka and I both pull off wins and Silka puts up 300 points (THIS WILL DEFINITELY HAPPEN SO BEWARE). 

I think I speak for everyone in the league when I say the Romo-coaster was like a roller-coaster that just got stuck at the top and never went down it's slope. A disappointing cameo or three from the Dallas QB and one insanely easily broken upper-body will ultimately lead to value from no Cowboys besides Darren McFadden. Thanksgiving's first game saw Philly drop an ugly turd against Calvin Johnson and the rest of his pathetic team. To cap off Turdday night, Green Bay had a steamer of their own against Chicago and Eddie Lacy is apparently not the missing puzzle piece as he looks great and they're still losing 13-17 games to the mediocre Bears. With all of the entertaining and competent teams placed in primetime or national games, Sunday's noon games were all snore-worthy. The Seahawks' Legion of Boom was officially declared dead against Pittsburgh as Ben Rottenburger tossed for 456 yards and the Seabirds still won thanks to Russell Wilson #WakingUpNow and throwing 5 TD's on his 27th birthday. Sunday night was easily the best game of the season and I don't think it could be topped even if the Super Bowl went to overtime. The fourth quarter began 21-7 and ended 24-24 with Tom Brady's best targets being Scott Chandler and Kicker Stephen Gostkowski. Thankfully for Nick and for the sake of every football fan not named Cole, Rob Gronkowski's leg was only bruised and not a casualty among the snowy fields of Colorado. A revelation from this game that was promising was Lil' Brocky Osweiler and his Brock Lobster claws causing havoc for New England's defense when it mattered the most and his leading a comeback against the previously undefeated Patriots should lock him in as the starter for the rest of the year no matter what happens from here on out. The game ended when C.J. Anderson rumbled 46 yards for the game-winning touchdown in Overtime, thus leaving the Carolina Panthers as the lone undefeated team left in the NFL.

Look-in at stupid, sexy C.J. Anderson during his 46-yard run through the snow.

This week will be the final week of the regular season so, make sure to set your lineups before Thursday night with Green Bay and the Detroit Lions rematch taking place. Sunday will prove to be plenty entertaining as well with the Carolina Panthers looking to continue their undefeated season against New Orleans at 3:25 and with New England angry and ready to pummel some Eagles into the ground (how unpatriotic of them!). Also on Sunday, the classic match-up of cross-town mediocrity that is Jets versus Giants, Austin Davis and the 3 Browns fans that are left versus in-state rival Cincinnati and a battle of defense versus defense when Seattle heads to Minnesota. The Sunday night game has a ton of AFC playoff implications as Pittsburgh needs a win for a wildcard spot in Heinz Field against Matt Hasselbeck and the 6-5 Colts. Monday night features Dallas versus the professional Washington football franchise so, hopefully for your sake, this game has zero impact on your lineup. In the Bro League, I will beat Team Tiffany because the gambling line is set at -41.7 and Josh's team couldn't beat Appalachian State right now, let alone pull of an Appalachian State-Michigan type of upset. What's worse than starting 6-0 and then going 0-6? Having to beat a 3-9 family member in order to have any shot at the playoffs. Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds might have one last punch in them before the playoffs but, Bilbo Unable To Braggins hasn't made all of these trades (Jamaal Charles, Larry Fitzgerald, Sammy Watkins) for nothing. Keep a watchful eye out for the upset in that one as both Lamar Miller and Darren McFadden are bound to have bounce-back games. Silka faces Cole in what is a must-win for Cole if he wants a first-round bye, Alec plays Sneen in a match-up of the 7-5's and Nick and Evan have both sparked their own rivalry by changing team names against one another and battle for a first-round bye in their division as both sit on 8-4 records. The temperature might be getting lower but, the stakes have never been higher in the Wisconsin Rapids Bro League.

UPDATE ON LAST WEEK'S POST: I had pizza for Thanksgiving, not a sub and still no turkey. 

2015 Scoring Leaders

QB

Tom Brady 253 (TODD)

Aaron Rodgers 215 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Russell Wilson 195 (SILKA)

Philip Rivers 171 (MOON)

Drew Brees 165 (SNEEN)

Cam Newton 148 (TIFFANY)

Carson Palmer 142 (ASCHEBROOK)

Matt Ryan 138 (SWANSON)

Eli Manning 127 (WALTERS)

Andrew Luck 112 (ZURAWSKI)

Blake Bortles 77 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR./SWANSON)
Tyrod Taylor 61 (ASCHEBROOK)

Peyton Manning 57 (TIFFANY)
Sam Bradford 40 (MOON)
Derek Carr 36 (ZURAWSKI)
Andy Dalton 23 (WALTERS)
Ben Roethlisberger 23 (WALTERS)
Tony Romo 19 (WALTERS/SNEEN)

Ryan Tannehill 19 (ASCHEBROOK/ZURAWSKI)
Ryan Fitzpatrick 15 (WALTERS)
Brian Hoyer 14 (ZURAWSKI)
Colin Kaepernick 13 (SNEEN)
Alex Smith 13 (ZURAWSKI)

RB

Devonta Freeman 203 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Adrian Peterson 193 (MOON)
Mark Ingram 174 (ZURAWSKI)
Lamar Miller 162 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Danny Woodhead 153 (TIFFANY)
Chris Ivory 150 (WALTERS)
DeMarco Murray 142 (SNEEN)
LeSean McCoy 141 (WALTERS)
Doug Martin 126 (SWANSON)
Jonathan Stewart 122 (TIFFANY)
Todd Gurley 118 (TODD)
Matt Forte 115 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Justin Forsett 114 (SNEEN)
Latavius Murray 99 (MOON)
DeAngelo Williams 98 (SILKA)
Jamaal Charles 96 (ASCHEBROOK)
Marshawn Lynch 79 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)
Arian Foster 73 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Carlos Hyde 73 (TODD)
Jeremy Langford 73 (WALTERS)
Darren McFadden 67 (ASCHEBROOK)
T.J. Yeldon 66 (SNEEN)
Eddie Lacy 63 (SILKA)
Giovani Bernard 59 (ZURAWSKI)
Frank Gore 59 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dion Lewis 58 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Charcandrick West 58 (TODD)
Theo Riddick 51 (WALTERS/SILKA)
Jeremy Hill 49 (MOON)
Melvin Gordon 36 (WALTERS)
C.J. Anderson 34 (TIFFANY)
Duke Johnson Jr. 33 (TODD)
Ameer Abdullah 26 (TODD)
Antonio Andrews 26 (SWANSON)
LeGarrette Blount 23 (ZURAWSKI)
Isaiah Crowell 23 (SILKA)
James Starks 20 (TODD)
Shane Vereen 20 (SNEEN)
Spencer Ware 20 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tevin Coleman 18 (ZURAWSKI/TODD)
Andre Ellington 18 (SILKA)
Chris Johnson 18 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)
Javorius Allen 17 (WALTERS)
Karlos Williams 16 (ASCHEBROOK)
Alfred Morris 14 (SILKA)
Thomas Rawls 14 (ASCHEBROOK)
Joseph Randle 13 (ASCHEBROOK)
Branden Oliver 12 (TODD)
Ryan Mathews 11 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Rashad Jennings 7 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
David Johson 6 (SILKA)
Darren Sproles 6 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Alfred Blue 5 (ZURAWSKI)
Lance Dunbar 5 (SWANSON)
Bishop Sankey 4 (WALTERS)
Matt Jones 1 (TODD)

WR

Julio Jones 254 (TODD)

DeAndre Hopkins 239 (ZURAWSKI)

Antonio Brown 232 (SNEEN)

Odell Beckham Jr. 222 (WALTERS)Jarvis Landry 199 (ZURAWSKI)

Calvin Johnson 187 (SILKA)

A.J. Green 184 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)

Julian Edelman 168 (SILKA)

Demaryius Thomas 165 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)

Larry Fitzgerald 164 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS)

Keenan Allen 157 (TIFFANY)

Randall Cobb 148 (TODD)

Brandon Marshall 144 (MOON)

Allen Robinson 130 (MOON)

Emmanuel Sanders 130 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Alshon Jeffery 113 (SWANSON)

T.Y. Hilton 110 (WALTERS)

Mike Evans 105 (MOON)

Jordan Matthews 90 (SNEEN)

Donte Moncrief 86 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Brandin Cooks 85 (TODD)

Eric Decker 81 (SNEEN)

Steve Smith Sr. 77 (SNEEN)

Golden Tate 77 (ASCHEBROOK/ZURAWSKI)

Rishard Matthews 70 (ASCHEBROOK/TIFFANY)

Amari Cooper 65 (SWANSON)

John Brown 60 (MOON)

Stevie Johnson 54 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Pierre Garcon 48 (ZURAWSKI)

Danny Amendola 42 (ASCHEBROOK SR./SILKA)

Kendall Wright 41 (TODD)

Dez Bryant 39 (ASCHEBROOK)

Martavis Bryant 38 (SNEEN)

Jeremy Maclin 35 (ASCHEBROOK)

Vincent Jackson 34 (ASCHEBROOK)

Brandon LaFell 32 (ASCHEBROOK)

Tyler Lockett 31 (SILKA)

Stefon Diggs 29 (ASCHEBROOK)

Marvin Jones 29 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Sammy Watkins 28 (ASCHEBROOK SR./ASCHEBROOK)

Malcom Floyd 26 (WALTERS)

Rueben Randle 26 (WALTERS)

Travis Benjamin 18 (ASCHEBROOK/SWANSON)

Mike Wallace 18 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Davante Adams 17 (MOON)

Kamar Aiken 14 (ZURAWSKI)

James Jones 14 (TODD)

Andre Johnson 11 (ZURAWSKI)

Tavon Austin 10 (TIFFANY)

Torrey Smith 9 (SILKA)

Brandon Coleman 6 (ASCHEBROOK)

Marques Colston 6 (TIFFANY)

Willie Snead 5 (SWANSON)

DeSean Jackson 4 (ZURAWSKI)

Charles Johnson 4 (MOON)

Roddy White 3 (SILKA)

TE

Rob Gronkowski 199 (ZURAWSKI)

Tyler Eifert 166 (SWANSON)

Delanie Walker 145 (TODD)

Greg Olsen 129 (MOON)

Travis Kelce 124 (WALTERS)

Jimmy Graham 117 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Jason Witten 111 (TIFFANY)

Martellus Bennett 105 (SNEEN)

Gary Barnidge 91 (TIFFANY)

Antonio Gates 82 (ASCHEBROOK)

Jordan Cameron 60 (SILKA)

Zach Ertz 30 (MOON)

Julius Thomas 27 (SNEEN)

Jordan Reed 27 (WALTERS)

Charles Clay 25 (TODD/SWANSON)

Benjamin Watson 24 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Coby Fleener 12 (SILKA)

Dwayne Allen 10 (ASCHEBROOK)

Jared Cook 9 (TODD)

Larry Donnell 8 (ZURAWSKI)
Eric Ebron 5 (ASCHEBROOK)

Kyle Rudolph 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Austin Seferian-Jenkins 4 (ASCHEBROOK)
Vernon Davis 3 (ASCHEBROOK)

K

Stephen Gostkowski 128 (ASCHEBROOK)

Justin Tucker 102 (SNEEN)

Steven Hauschka 98 (TIFFANY)

Mason Crosby 95 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Chandler Catanzaro 79 (TODD)

Brandon McManus 72 (SWANSON)

Blair Walsh 71 (MOON)

Matt Bryant 68 (WALTERS)

Robbie Gould 58 (SILKA)

Josh Brown 51 (ZURAWSKI)

Dan Bailey 37 (MOON)

Cairo Santos 21 (ZURAWSKI)

Matt Prater 19 (ZURAWSKI)

Nick Novak 16 (WALTERS)

Cody Parkey 16 (SILKA)

Andrew Franks 14 (TODD)

Caleb Sturgis 11 (SNEEN)

Josh Lambo 9 (SWANSON)

Dustin Hopkins 7 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Dan Carpenter 5 (ASCHEBROOK)
Kai Forbath 3 (TODD)

Adam Vinatieri -1 (SWANSON)

DF

Denver Broncos 135 (SILKA)

Carolina Panthers 114 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)

St. Louis Rams 88 (SNEEN)

Seattle Seahawks 86 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)

New England Patriots 72 (TIFFANY)

New York Jets 72 (MOON/ZURAWSKI)

Philadelphia Eagles 56 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR.)

Houston Texans 51 (ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS)

Arizona Cardinals 47 (SWANSON/ASCHEBROOK)

Buffalo Bills 47 (WALTERS/ASCHEBROOK)

Kansas City Chiefs 43 (MOON)

Cincinnati Bengals 28 (WALTERS/TODD)

Minnesota Vikings 25 (MOON)

Atlanta Falcons 22 (SWANSON/TODD)

Pittsburgh Steelers 15 (WALTERS)

Miami Dolphins 7 (TODD)

Indianapolis Colts 1 (ZURAWSKI)

Green Bay Packers -1 (TIFFANY)

Cleveland Browns -3 (ZURAWSKI)

Baltimore Ravens -4 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI/SNEEN)

Hypothetical Standings (If the 5 highest scoring teams were winners each week)

Spider 2 Y Banana 8-4

Moon's Microdongs 8-4

Carolina Loves Romo 8-4

Thee Wisconsin Chowhounds 7-5

50 Shades Of Ginger 7-5
Sneen Machine 7-5

John, Can I Use The Suburban? 6-6

Team Silka 4-8

Bilbo Unable To Braggins 3-9

Team Tiffany 2-10