Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Our tenth official season of blaming Cole Walters for sneaking drugs into kid's candy bars on Halloween.
Bro...
Happy Standings Tightening Week! (Which coincided with National Tight Ends Day). Much like in my TD-only league, the Bro League's supposed four favorites based on record lost this week to the four underdogs, bringing new life to Stoltzya's Electric Orcas, T-o-d-d Todd To Go and placing Brett alone at the top at 6-2. I don't think it was simply a coincidence that the week most Tight Ends decided to have their best games of the season, that underperforming teams came out on top in fantasy. It was certainly a close call though as I never remember that the final Sunday of October is apparently now always "National Tight Ends Day". That nugget of information could have come in handy when I benched TE Travis Kelce for the combination of WR Christian Watson and flexed WR Deebo Samuel. That duo combined for a totally fine but unremarkable 20.5 points while future HOFer Kelce dropped a season-high 25 on my bench. Somehow I still won thanks to RB Jordan Mason injuring his shoulder on Sunday night but, I still feel bad that I might have cost a weekly lineup lock his spot on the WRBL All-Bro 2nd Team at the end of the season. It doesn't seem possible for anyone to catch George Kittle for first in scoring at the position and now he's been passed by the likes of Kyle Pitts (he's finally arrived, free from Arthur Smith & Desmond Ridder's shackles!), Brock Bowers (Rookie of the Year?) and Dalton Kincaid (QB2 Josh Allen's one consistent target). So much for the teams we drafted showing up to play because Nick and I are running the walking wounded squads of 2024.
At work, there is constantly an overhead radio playing that I can occasionally make out what's being played through whatever I have going on in my earbuds. Recently I heard a sped up, TikTok-ified version of The Script's late-2000's hit song "Breakeven" and it put me firmly in "Old Man Yells At Cloud" mode. Between this and AI, we did not need this much innovation and neither did Russell Wilson. Former Broncos head coach Nathaniel Hackett is still one of the worst hires in the history of football and "let Russ cook" the same way he let megamind Aaron Rodgers do in Green Bay and the results were atrocious. Once it was Sean Payton and Joe Lombardi making the calls last year, Russell played like Kurt Warner early in his Cardinals tenure mixed with glimpses of the Russ that once was. It wasn't pretty but, it was a hell of a lot more effective and led to him getting another shot with Pittsburgh this year. After a nice 4-2 start led by QB Justin Fields and a fantastic defense, coach Mike Tomlin made the switch to a now fully healthy Russell Wilson and while the mobility from his 2010s Seattle run is never coming back, that man is still one of the better quarterbacks in the league when things are functional around him (play-calling, o-line play and running game). The Steelers are 2-0 with Wilson under center and George Pickens has never looked better, kind of like Courtland Sutton last season. Now, the Steel Curtain is headed into the bye week along with only the Dallas Cowboys. The two most over-showcased football teams in America on complete opposite paths from where most thought they'd be at this point. Dallas and San Francisco played on Sunday Night Football, I watched the recording at 5 AM Monday and I have to say... they both suck. I won't be commenting on why they suck, I just feel that it's an important time to address this and then hide my true beliefs.
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Kelley L Cox-Imagn Images
Former Louisville and Wisconsin rookie RB Isaac Guerendo was tasked with a bulkier workload once Jordan Mason (of Tua Lipa) suffered a first quarter injury. |
Reaching the halfway point of the NFL season means a couple of things. First of all, my TD-only league's midseason meeting will be taking place this Sunday and I won't really be watching much football outside of Lions-Packers and possibly the Cowboys game but I listed a quadfecta of QUADBOX options down below out of habit. Secondly, it's trrrrrrrrrade season baby! It was really nice of the Chiefs (WR DeAndre Hopkins and LB Josh Uche), Ravens (WR Diontae Johnson) and Vikings (OT Cam Robinson) to get the hype building up to this upcoming week's trade deadline and now I expect more. How do the Lions plan to replace DE Aidan Hutchinson the rest of the season? Is Za'Darius Smith in their field of view? Does EDGE Jadeveon Clowney get dealt by the firesale Panthers? Is Arizona interested? and what's Philly's big buy-now move? Do they want another receiver in case of an emergency like last season's Julio Jones rental? I know rookie Johnny Wilson hasn't lit the field ablaze by any means so, maybe that's the missing piece for a sleepier Eagles squad than in recent history.
No matter how the NFL decides to do their deadline, word around town is that the Bro League might embrace more trade activity this season than any season this decade so far. I need a receiver for one week before I get Nico Collins back so that I can just get by over Alec, who needs a helping hand or two to save him on Brock Purdy's bye. Nick probably wants a running back for a week without both Christian McCaffrey and his handcuff Jordan Mason, so that his .500 team can send fellow .500er Jaime Sparkes to a fifth consecutive loss. What has happened to Sparky's Dad Weights and Protein Shakes needs to be studied by the highest of academia, as Jayden Daniels remains the talk of the town after the most "lol Bears" Hail Mary victory saved his Commanders and his fantasy output. Not only is Daniels pushing forward but Alvin Kamara remains the PPR-dumpoff king of the Saints backfield with no other receiving options stepping forth without Rashid Shaheed. Sparky might just be willing to trade everyone not named Justin Jefferson and I'd understand it (though I definitely threw a weak offer out there for Jefferson just in case). The Van Buren Boys remain the league's highest scorers despite a loss to Gabe and somehow both Hoefs and Stoltz now sit at .500 as well. Half the league being .500... Has parity gone too far!? Nathaniel could use a bit more consistency in the backfield with De'Von Achane being a typical Dolphin (too reliant on Tua's health), James Cook losing goal line carries to his quarterback and Kenneth Walker's inconsistencies. Any additions will help with Brett being Nate's next opponent. Caleb Williams Nail Polish polished off his ass-kicking boot this week after taking down the 96ers' egos a bit by 20.5 points. Cole could have used a full game from a healthier Jordan Love. Oh well, love isn't the all-purpose life saver it's advertised to be. Just ask any therapist.
Week nine will showcase the Jets again because Thursday Night Football is a farce versus the Texans minus any pass-catching talent not named TANK. We'll also get the Falcons trying to solidify their status as contenders against a pitiful Cowboy team, the Dolphins trying to save themselves from total collapse against the big bad Bills and New England's Jacoby "Brisket" serving up some sloppy steaks against Mason Rudolph and the Titans in this week's Ignora Bowl (I'm trademarking this as the least fantasy relevant game of the week, please do not watch this game). The Lions will probably get revenge on the Packers for last season's Thanksgiving stuffing with Love and the Green Bay defense playing at less than 100% and to continue our NFC North focus, the Vikings host Joe Flacco and the Colts on Sunday Night Football. After the midseason draft, I might have to tap my helmet and take that game off however as we have our twice-annual ceremonial bonfire (Time to get rid of the old bathroom cabinetry). The Buccaneers are still getting by without Mike Evans and Chris Godwin or any resemblance of the dominating defense they had early in the 2020s but, it's going to take a lot more than a bounce-back to quality play to take down the 7-0 Chiefs on Monday Night. With RB Isaiah Pacheco one week away from returning and another trade acquisition (Uche), one thing remains certain: The Chiefs are inevitable.
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| "Fumbleroooooooski!" finds a way. |
Official WRBL Standings
Steven Nett Division
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 5-3 L1 (1,006.42)
The Van Buren Boys (Nathaniel Hoefs) 4-4 L1 (1,081.12)
Dad Weights and Protein Shakes (Jaime Sparkes) 4-4 L4 (973.14)
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 4-4 W3 (918.66)
Shooter McGavin Division
Caleb Williams Nail Polish (Brett Weinfurter) 6-2 W1 (1,048.74)
Tua Lipa (Nick Zurawski) 4-4 L1 (943.24)
T-o-d-d Todd To Go (Andy Todd) 3-5 W1 (988.26)
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 2-6 W1 (878.14)
Week Eight Final Scores
ALEC defeats SPARKY 156.7-112.64
BRETT defeats COLE 129.26-108.76
ANDY defeats NICK 126.26-103.62
GABE defeats HOEFS 147.24-125.76
Heroes of the Week: WR CeeDee Lamb (39.6, Gabe), QB Jalen Hurts (35.14, Gabe), RB De'Von Achane (26.7, Hoefs)
Waiver Wonders: QB Bo Nix (29.76), WR Ladd McConkey (29.1), TE Cade Otton (29.1)
Benchwarmers of the Week: RB James Cook (28.3, Hoefs), TE Travis Kelce (25, Andy), RB Rhamondre Stevenson (23.5, Alec)
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Andy Lyons/Getty Images
Hero of the Week: QB Jalen Hurts (Stoltzya's Electric Orcas) |
Upcoming Week 9 Schedule for both WRBL and NFL (in CST)
Nick v. Sparky
Cole v. Gabe
Hoefs v. Brett
Alec v. Andy
Thursday @ 7:15 PM: Houston @ NY Jets
Sunday @ NOON: New Orleans @ Carolina
Washington @ NY Giants
Miami @ Buffalo (QUADBOX)
LA Chargers @ Cleveland (QUADBOX)
New England @ Tennessee
Dallas @ Atlanta (QUADBOX)
Las Vegas @ Cincinnati
Denver @ Baltimore (QUADBOX)
Sunday @ 3:05 PM: Chicago @ Arizona
Jacksonville @ Philadelphia
Sunday @ 3:25 PM: LA Rams @ Seattle
Detroit @ Green Bay
Sunday @ 7:20 PM: Indianapolis @ Minnesota
Monday @ 7:15 PM: Tampa Bay @ Kansas City
BYE WEEKS: San Francisco 49ers and Pittsburgh Steelers
Scoring Leaders
QB
Lamar Jackson 202.06 (Brett)
Josh Allen 159.04 (Nick)
Jalen Hurts 147.26 (Gabe)
Brock Purdy 119.26 (Alec)
Joe Burrow 114.82 (Hoefs)
Jayden Daniels 92.18 (Sparky)
Jordan Love 80.52 (Cole)
Caleb Williams 52.2 (Andy)
Aaron Rodgers 47.78 (Cole)
Patrick Mahomes 44.46 (Sparky)
Jared Goff 41.74 (Andy)
Tua Tagovailoa 38.78 (Andy)
C.J. Stroud 37.8 (Hoefs)
Kyler Murray 24.1 (Gabe)
Drake Maye 20.84 (Andy)
Derek Carr 7.98 (Alec)
RB
Derrick Henry 164.6 (Nick)
Alvin Kamara 163.2 (Sparky)
Saquon Barkley 144.2 (Cole)
Bijan Robinson 140.2 (Andy)
Kyren Williams 139.3 (Alec)
Jahmyr Gibbs 135.5 (Gabe)
Breece Hall 129.4 (Andy)
James Conner 113.2 (Brett)
D'Andre Swift 109.7 (Brett)
Jordan Mason 103.1 (Nick)
James Cook 93.4 (Hoefs)
Jonathan Taylor 91.3 (Nick)
Kenneth Walker 86.2 (Hoefs)
Joe Mixon 84.6 (Cole)
Josh Jacobs 79.4 (Alec)
Aaron Jones 78.7 (Sparky)
De'Von Achane 73.6 (Hoefs)
Brian Robinson Jr. 66.5 (Gabe)
Chuba Hubbard 66.1 (Sparky)
Travis Etienne 58.2 (Cole)
J.K. Dobbins 53.8 (Alec)
Tony Pollard 45.1 (Cole)
Kareem Hunt 32 (Gabe)
Isiah Pacheco 31.9 (Gabe)
Tyrone Tracy Jr. 28.9 (Gabe)
Rachaad White 26.2 (Nick)
Rhamondre Stevenson 25.5 (Alec)
Najee Harris 25 (Sparky)
Zack Moss 17.8 (Hoefs)
Jerome Ford 17.4 (Hoefs)
David Montgomery 14.92 (Cole)
Cam Akers 12.7 (Cole)
Trey Sermon 5.9 (Nick)
Javonte Williams 4.6 (Andy)
Ty Johnson 3.4 (Hoefs)
Raheem Mostert 3 (Brett)
WR
Ja'Marr Chase 158.5 (Hoefs)
Justin Jefferson 135.9 (Sparky)
CeeDee Lamb 132 (Gabe)
Drake London 130.5 (Brett)
Garrett Wilson 126.8 (Cole)
Chris Godwin 115.5 (Cole)
Malik Nabers 113.8 (Hoefs)
Nico Collins 106.7 (Andy)
Mike Evans 90.1 (Andy)
A.J. Brown 79.8 (Hoefs)
Amon-Ra St. Brown 77.18 (Brett)
D.J. Moore 76.6 (Nick)
Tyreek Hill 76.2 (Alec)
Deebo Samuel 73 (Andy)
DK Metcalf 71 (Alec)
Marvin Harrison Jr. 68.9 (Brett)
Stefon Diggs 68.1 (Gabe)
Jayden Reed 56.5 (Sparky)
Cooper Kupp 55.8 (Nick)
Chris Olave 55.7 (Gabe)
Amari Cooper 45.9 (Nick)
Zay Flowers 45.4 (Brett)
Davante Adams 44.9 (Sparky)
Brandon Aiyuk 38.2 (Cole)
Tank Dell 34.5 (Alec)
Tee Higgins 32.9 (Sparky)
Rashee Rice 29.1 (Andy)
Diontae Johnson 25.7 (Gabe)
Jaylen Waddle 24.7 (Cole)
Terry McLaurin 23.3 (Hoefs)
Jameson Williams 18.9 (Alec)
DeVonta Smith 15.7 (Gabe)
Courtland Sutton 15.3 (Sparky)
Jaxon Smith-Njigba 13.1 (Alec)
Xavier Worthy 11.8 (Hoefs)
George Pickens 11.4 (Brett)
Romeo Doubs 10.2 (Andy)
Wan'Dale Robinson 10 (Andy)
Jordan Addison 9.6 (Brett)
Tyler Lockett 8.5 (Nick)
Rashid Shaheed 8.3 (Nick)
Puka Nacua 8.2 (Alec)
Christian Watson 7.9 (Andy)
Michael Pittman Jr. 7.1 (Alec)
Rome Odunze 2 (Sparky)
TE
George Kittle 111.8 (Brett)
Kyle Pitts 88.9 (Alec)
Brock Bowers 77.2 (Cole)
Dalton Kincaid 70 (Sparky)
Travis Kelce 52.6 (Andy)
David Njoku 51.5 (Hoefs/Nick)
Trey McBride 49.1 (Andy)
Mark Andrews 47.2 (Gabe)
Dallas Goedert 47 (Hoefs)
Tucker Kraft 45.1 (Hoefs)
Sam LaPorta 38.9 (Nick)
Jake Ferguson 17.1 (Gabe)
Zach Ertz 14 (Hoefs)
Tyler Conklin 11.5 (Cole)
Isaiah Likely 5 (Brett)
Evan Engram 1.5 (Cole)
K
Ka'imi Fairbairn 93 (Hoefs)
Brandon Aubrey 80 (Brett)
Justin Tucker 72 (Alec)
Jake Bates 65 (Andy)
Harrison Butker 63 (Sparky)
Evan McPherson 57 (Nick)
Jake Moody 57 (Cole)
Younghoe Koo 34 (Gabe)
Austin Seibert 29 (Brett)
Cam Little 20 (Cole)
Jake Elliott 19 (Gabe)
Chris Boswell 17 (Sparky)
Blake Grupe 1 (Andy)
DF
San Francisco 49ers 66 (Sparky)
Pittsburgh Steelers 64 (Andy)
Cleveland Browns 45 (Brett)
New York Jets 42 (Hoefs)
Chicago Bears 34 (Alec)
Dallas Cowboys 26 (Gabe)
Philadelphia Eagles 24 (Nick)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 19 (Cole)
Buffalo Bills 18 (Alec)
Cincinnati Bengals 14 (Andy/Gabe)
New Orleans Saints 13 (Nick)
New England Patriots 12 (Cole)
Los Angeles Chargers 12 (Nick)
Baltimore Ravens 11 (Alec)
Las Vegas Raiders 10 (Nick)
Miami Dolphins 8 (Cole)
Denver Broncos 7 (Cole)
Kansas City Chiefs 7 (Brett)
Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)
Brett 6-2
Cole 5-3
Andy 5-3
Sparky 4-4
Nick 4-4
Hoefs 3-5
Gabe 3-5
Alec 2-6
